Guest Blogging for The Knot’s Green Wedding Blog

Here’s an excerpt from my first post on that blog and some great pics: The Knot’s Green Wedding Blog

From the looks of things, Kelly and Mark’s wedding was super elegant, but not without a lot of green and sustainable influence. I asked Kelly to tell us about the green decisions she made:

The Gown

“My dress was a sample gown from encorebridal.com. Instead of purchasing a brand new gown (and probably made of synthetic fibers in my price range), I was able to attain a somewhat used gown that had outlived its use for the showroom, but was great for me! I would highly recommend this to any bride looking for a designer gown on a budget. I really didn’t care that it was used. In fact, I preferred it used because I was one less bride demanding the production of another gown. I will wear the gown only once, anyway.

Floral and Event Design

And finally, we had absolutely beautiful flowers and decorations! Finding sustainable flowers for the wedding was extremely important to me. As I began looking into floral designs, I started to wonder about these flowers that seemed so easy to obtain, though I knew that a lot of them were out of season. That snowballed into research on flower growing, labor involvement in other countries (South America particularly), pesticide use, the amount of fuel required to transport out of season flowers from a country in South America to a wedding in San Francisco. None of this made sense to me. To use so much fuel transporting flowers, chemical pesticides (that are not regulated in other countries) that put the environment and people at risk, just for my wedding, didn’t sit well. I really hoped that the ‘green movement’ had already extended to florists, but it really hasn’t yet, though its starting to, which is awesome. I was so happy to find Pilar online. I had talked to other florists who were willing to find organic and local flowers for me, but I really wanted to work with someone who was absolutely committed to the idea, not just a bride’s wish.

For eco-friendly flower design we use vases made of recycled glass for the centerpieces and large arrangements, locally grown flowers and greens, biodegradable ribbons made of cotton and hemp, we totally avoided floral foam, composted all leftovers, recycled and used rented and reusable vases and hurricanes.

Thanks again to Kelly for her great background about her wedding and to Lucie XYZ Photography for the great pics.

Check out the whole blog for more of the story.

In green and Health,

G&G

‘I will try and convince you that there is no such thing as a self. Contrary to what most people believe, nobody has ever been or had a self’

So starts Thomas Metzinger’s staggeringly good, The Ego Tunnel – the Science of the Mind and the Myth of the Self.

As much to embed and internalize (in what, I don’t now know as well as to evangelise the content of his book, I am writing this as the start of a series of posts highlighting my highlights.

He continues (in the Introduction that took me nearly a week to absorb):

‘To the best of our current knowledge there is no thing, no indivisible entity, that is us, neither in the brain nor in some metaphysical realm beyond this world.’

‘So when we speak of conscious experience as a subjective phenomenon, what is the entity having these experiences?’

He raises the ‘one central question we have to confront head on: Why is there always someone having the experience? Who is the feeler of your feelings and the dreamer of your dreams?… Why is your conscious reality your conscious reality?’

His assertion is that by exploring and paying attention to ‘the fine-grained and careful description of inner experience as such’: phenomenology, we will be equipped with more tools to understand the evidence that ’strongly suggests the purely experiential nature of the self’

For me, the first mind stretching/ idea glueing starts at this point, and for this reason I’ll keep these series of posts fairly short and bullet-like:

Metzinger calls the ‘conscious model of the organism as a whole that is activated by the brain’, the ‘phenomenal self-model (PSM)’. He explains that ‘”Phenomenal” is used here, and throughout, in the philosophical sense, as pertaining to what is known purely experientially, through the way in which things subjectively appear to you. The content of the PSM is the Ego’

This then becomes nicely grounded for me in the ‘why’: ‘the PSM of Homo sapiens is probably one of nature’s best inventions. It is an efficient way to allow a biological organism to consciously conceive of itself (and others) as a whole’

‘Our evolved type of conscious self-model is unique to the human brain, in that by representing the process of representation itself, we can catch ourselves … “in the act of knowing” (Antonio Damasio)’

The evolutionary ‘why’ provides the foundations: ‘This ability turned us into thinkers of thoughts and readers of minds, and it allowed biological evolution to explode into cultural evolution’ The Ego has ‘helped us understand one another through empathy and mind-reading’

‘Finally, by allowing us to externalise our minds through cooperation and culture, the ego has enabled us to form complex societies’

Running an eco-friendly shopping website feels like an oxymoron some days.  But as I sit here sipping tea, I am thankful that I am not fighting the masses, rushing around malls, and participating in this make-believe holiday we call Black Friday.  I’m saying no to the hysteria thrust upon us by the companies benefitting, and passing on the senseless urge to buy, buy, buy.  Now don’t get me wrong, I like shiny new things as much as the next person, but this year I want to be accountable and proud of my lessened impact on the planet.  And whether that resonates as integrity for you as it does me, or otherwise, I am here to help you reach that same goal this year.  Being a conscious consumer doesn’t mean it isn’t nice to give thoughtful gifts to loved ones or that the thrill of opening a gift is any less, so for the next four weeks we’ll be highlighting holiday gifts here on orGLAMic that make less of an impact on our planet while still bringing that same holiday spirit to all.  Before we begin, I urge you to recalibrate those shopping senses and take 20 minutes to watch Annie Leonard’s The Story of Stuff - it is fun, informative and impactful.  Enjoy your weekend and get ready for a month of orGLAMic gifts beginning right here on Monday!

Here are Ways #s 4 and 5 from the last post which promised you 5 Ways to Be More Great-full (Boost Your Gratitude Attitude)…

#4: FAMILY (or couple’s) GRATITUDE BOOK
We just spent a very pleasant hour doing this great art & writing interactive project. So simple and yet so meaningful and fun! Quality family time!

We do not watch television, nor do our children. We are dedicated to parenting consciously and strive to support a vibration of love in our household. Yet, given that my husband and I are both entrepreneurs, with seven businesses between the two of us, and given that our children are still quite young, we know how important and sometimes challenging it can be to come up ideas (not to mention time, energy and materials) for positive family experiences.

I myself am about the least craftsy person you will ever meet and can draw a stick figure on a good day! So believe me when I tell you: Yes, you CAN do this project, and probably with what’s already available in your home. It really ranks high on simple, high on fun, high on memorable, and low on expense. (I can NEVER do those Origami things, puuleeeeeazzze, can we talk?)

Thanksgiving weekend is the perfect time to do this Family Gratitude Book…but of course so is any day that ends in “y.” Monday, Tuesday…. Enjoy!

Materials:

All you need is:

Some blank paper (we used printer or copy paper, white)

Construction paper

Ribbon or brass brads to secure the book

Markers, pencils, hole punch and/or scissors

Optional: Stickers, stamps, other art supplies, scrapbook, photos

Definitely: A little bit of time and lots of love!

We started by making a brainstormed list of everything we are grateful for. You can do this any way you like; follow your own creative impulses & inspiration. We have four family members, so I decided to color code what we wrote on this collective page or you could just all write and draw without attributing who said/drew what, or make a chart, have sections of the page, etc. The things my 6-year-old called out first were written in yellow, my 10-year-old chose blue, I picked purple and my husband green. We made a color key on the page and wrote and drew various things we are thankful for: Our dog came first, followed by a lovely torrent such as family and friends, food, a good home, music, the Earth, music, health, God, life and so on.

Then I gave each family member a separate page on which to do whatever they like, the only requirement being that whatever is on the page relates to or represents what they are thankful for. We stuck in some more blank pages, so we can add more later as we are inspired.

The kids each got to pick a color for the front and back covers. The older did the words, the younger did the drawings. We punched holes, added brads, all signed the masterpiece and voila! A Family Gratitude Book.

Not only a wonderful way to spend part of our Thanksgiving Day, but a precious keepsake, and, I trust, a new family tradition as well. We will be sharing this book with family all weekend long and inviting them to add to it as well. And of course, it can be done any day! Every day bears its own gifts if we just open the package.

Today we focused mainly on what we are thankful for in our current lives (now), but we could also include wonderful memories (past) and gratitude for all the blessings on the way! (future)

Alternative for Couples: You can also do this as a Couple’s Gratitude Book or Journal, a beautiful way to show appreciation and deepen connection. So few marriages last or are happy, as we all know, and I am blessed to have a deliriously, deLIGHTfully ecstatic marriage, 12 years strong and better every day. One of the reasons is of course, the selection of the right mate; but in order to do so, we had to do the necessary self-healing and inner preparation to bring whole, healthy individuals to the relationship. Much of this work is presented in my book: The Radical Self-Love Workbook. But it is also essential to nurture even the best of relationships, and my husband and I do so daily in many creative ways such as this.

More tips on love and relationships are at

www.LoveandSpirit.org

and at my love blog: loveandspiritblog.wordpress.com.

Whether you do the Gratitude Book as a homemade book like we did today, like a scrapbook or journal, and whether you do it as a family activity or a couple’s relationship-enhancer, it will help you see your life through the eyes of love and gratitude, and bring you even closer with those you love. Enjoy! And I welcome you to send me a comment or email to share your experience.

#5: Honor the 4 Directions and 4 Sacred Elements:

Earth, Air, Fire, Water

You do not have to be Native American to appreciate one of their traditions, which is to honor the Medicine Wheel, facing each of the four directions, thanking each one for their gifts. This is also a tradition in all indigenous cultures including pre-Christian Europe (a.k.a. Wicca, Druidry, paganism, et al.), Africa, Australia, Hawaii and South America.

In fact, if you scratch the surface beneath contemporary religions on any part of the Earth, you will find an ancient shamanic tradition that honors all the directions and all of nature as sacred.

All things follow this cycle of birth, growth, fruition and quietude, whether we are looking at seasons, a lifespan, a day, or a garden. The beauty of Medicine Wheel ceremony and the paradigm itself is that it can be applied to our lives in so many ways.

So how do you honor the directions and elements, to give thanks for what they give to us so generously? Here are a few ideas:

* Altar: Create an altar to each direction or a Medicine Wheel altar encompassing all the directions/elements. This can be in your home or outside. My husband specializes in creating Medicine Wheels as a sacred practice on the land, and has helped others to do this as well.

* Cherokee Dance of Life – You would need to learn this in person from someone who has learned it, oral tradition. This is an incredible moving meditation to all 4 directions, peoples, and elements which also honors Mother Earth and Father Sky, balances their energies as sacred partners in our hearts, and helps us give away the gifts of Spirit that are our special medicine to share with the world through our right work and service. Occasionally my husband and I share this Dance with our community. If you live near Sacramento, and would like to experience this dance, let us know so we can invite you. Or perhaps Spirit will guide you to another teacher of this beautiful tradition.

* Drum, chant, play flute to each direction

* Give offerings such as cornmeal, tobacco or sage smoke to each direction

* Speak aloud from your heart to each direction and give thanks

* Sweat lodge

* Vision quest

If you do either sweat lodge or vision quest, please do so with the guidance of a Native elder to be sure you do it properly and safely.

* Journal or journey (shamanic meditation) to discover what power animals comprise your personal Medicine Wheel of your own energy field. I love to lead these meditations when I am called to do so. Honoring your own inner Medicine Wheel supports a strong aura and keeps you connected to your spirit guides, if this resonates for you.

Associations with Each Direction

Depending on which culture or even which tribe you consult, there are somewhat different associations with the directions, colors, elements and meanings, the medicine or power that direction helps us receive and embody. The one I am most familiar with follows but this is not dogma, merely a summary of what I have found to be the more universal associations. Follow your own heart and work with any spiritual practice in the way that resonates for your own heart and inner truth.

While I have a small amount of native blood, I was adopted and was not raised in that tradition. I discovered shamanism after my initiation and spiritual awakening 15 years ago. I do not claim to be a tribal elder or teacher of any one tradition. I am an interfaith minister, meditation teacher, hypnotherapist, energy healer and intuitive life coach. I have been on the path of Spirit, studying, practicing and sharing healing and wisdom teachings from many cultures for several decades, so I offer here a simplified summary as a starting point for your discovery journey. You would do well to study more in depth with a local teacher steeped in the particular tradition that calls to your spirit, and of course feel free to research further on the Web, in books, classes, and listen to your own inner guidance. I always say the best way to pray, do ceremony or ritual is the way that feels best to you, with harm to none, of course. But we do need to honor the specific traditions so they are not all diluted through multiculturalism.

From the East we have the yellow people (Asia) and the gift of Air, Brother Wind, clarity of vision, inspiration, the new day, new beginnings, establishment of purpose and intention, and springtime.

From South, we receive the wisdom of the black people (Africa), Fire. The tools, strength, perseverance and energy to follow through and manifest, midday/ noon, summer, also humor and passion, innocence and trust.

The West gives us the culture of the Red people (such as Native Americans), the setting sun, Water, emotions, the fall season, self-evaluation toward completion, looks-within time, peace, rest and healing.

And the North represents the White (European) people and all their cultural gift. The sacred mountain, winter, midnight, time to slow down, go within and be still to receive guidance for what comes next. Completion, what you keep from the past cycle and all that you have accomplished and learned. It is also associated with the Spirit and wisdom.

Note: You can also honor the other 3 directions: Earth (below), Sky (above) and Center (within).

I hope you enjoyed these five creative ways to give thanks and I wish you abundant blessings on your journey!

Finally, in the spirit of Sufi mystic poet Rumi, I invite you to kiss the ground. Blow kisses to the sky. Bow to everything. Everything is sacred.

With Love,

Sage

More resources for your path, including free special reports on abundance, love, transformational classes, soul and energy healing sessions, intuitive readings, matchmaking and more are at:

www.LoveandSpirit.org

Taylor@LoveandSpirit.org

“Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.”

- Rumi

Happy Thanksgiving!

“The eye, altering, alters all.” – William Blake

I recently saw the movie Up with my family and we were touched by the sweet message that it is the most simple moments that have the most meaning for us. I call those moments, like when Russell sits on the curb counting red and blue cars with his dad and then with his new (grand)father figure at the end of the movie, the “pearls on life’s necklace.” Individually, they are precious and delicate, yet strung one after another, they form a true treasure.

In an earlier post, I shared several reasons why it is so essential to enhance our gratitude attitude. So now, as promised, here are some fun, practical ideas for how to become even more grateful (great full), how to count more of those pearls and value them with your heart, while they are in your hands:

1. My Feet Touch the Earth.

A Native American custom is to give thanks to Mother Earth each morning upon rising, when your feet first touch the floor or ground. This helps us remember that the land we live upon is alive and sacred, worthy of our deepest respect and greatest appreciation. It also helps you receive her bounty, through food, health, abundance and every good thing you can touch or experience through your senses, and to feel more grounded and “in your body.” Another thing I love about this practice is it takes zero extra time; it’s just a shift in consciousness, and isn’t that what we are most striving for?

2. Write a (different kind of) Thank-You Letter.

Well, you already know about the traditional thank-you-for-the-gift kind of letter. I believe it’s on the Endangered Species List. (When’s the last time to sent or received one of those?) I highly recommend we resuscitate these as they bring and spread so much joy, especially the kind of letters, cards and notes you can actually…what’s that called?….Oh, yeah, TOUCH with your actual hands and reread over and over without having to go online. What a concept!

In addition to writing to give thanks for specific gifts or favors you have received, I propose you explore writing Thank-You Letters to:

* Your loved ones…just because

* Yourself

* God/The Universe

* Your Body

* Money

* Your Ancestors

* The Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Sun, Moon, Stars…

You see, the possibilities are as infinite as your abundantly grateful heart.

3. Take a Gratitude Walk.

Dedicate a walk to the awareness of thankfulness. This is a walking meditation and is best done in silence or punctuated only with your statements of appreciation or a simple mantra such as:

* Thank you, God, for all that is.

* Right here, right now, beauty all around me.

* I give thanks.

* I am thankful.

Your gratitude mantra can also just run in your mind without being spoken aloud. You can rhythmically coordinate the mantra to your steps, or not; follow your own guidance and what your body tells you to do.

Another option is to think or praise something with each step or everytime you notice something you are thankful for, such as: “Thank you for my feet that I may walk. Thank you for these trees I see…. Thank you for the air I breathe. Thank you for my children (husband, wife, etc..). Thank you for my home. Thank you for my dog. Thank you for my car. Thank you for my work. Thank you for music….”

While you are walking, you may give thanks for gifts from Spirit which you can see and hear and touch in the present moment, or other blessings in your life, counting your pearls, but the key is to keep every step, every breath, every moment focused on hearful, mindful appreciation.

This is an excellent exercise which combines nourishing your body through the movement itself with nourishing your mind, heart and soul by returning your awareness to what is precious and good, all around you and within you.

As a meditation teacher for the past 11 years, I have frequently met beginning students who lament, “I can’t meditate because I can’t sit still so long. My body hurts and gets fidgety.” Some meditation disciplines and teachers simply reply to this: “Just sit. Let the distraction of the mind chatter and body aches just fade away and just sit anyway. They are all illusions, and your mind will eventually clear as you ignore the ‘monkey mind.’”

This is true for some people, some of the time, as with so much wisdom. However, some people really do need to move more often. This can be due a medical condition, a tendency toward being highly kinesthetic, and/or a need to move energy and remember they have a body through touch and motion.

I am solidly in the latter category myself and find that I benefit optimally from a kaleidoscopic, multicultural meditation practice, drawn from Eastern and Western traditions – like the Meditation for Busy People course I designed for and taught at Kaiser Permanente. Sometimes still, some moving, sometimes silent, others with chanting or music or sacred sounds, sometimes focusing on the heart, third eye, or other chakra, other times aware of the whole body and energy field, sometimes open-eyed (gazing meditation is called “tratakam” in India), sometimes closed, focused on the inner space. Let me know if you would like to me to share more of my knowledge of meditation in this blog column. I teach many methods in my workshops, teleseminars and private practice and share them also on my meditation audios.

For whatever reason, if you do not enjoy an extended sitting meditation practice, you will likely give up on it, so I highly recommend exploring moving meditation such as Tai Chi, Chi Gun, Native American Dance of Life (Dance to the 4 Directions) and even some dynamic forms of yoga, or simply authentic body movement and dance as a meditation. Walking meditations like this gratitude walk is another wonderful way to integrate Body, Mind, Heart and Spirit, so give yourself permission to move while you meditate, and give yourself credit for “meditating” if you are moving consciously and feeling a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual benefit.

Anything you do that brings your awareness to the present moment, that cultivates mindfulness and what I call heartfulness, is a form of meditation, be it walking, stretching, drinking a cup of tea, even cooking or cleaning.

As Buddhist monk and teacher Thich Nat Hanh says, whatever you are doing, even if you are washing dishes, it is the most important thing in the world.And it can be done joyfully and gratefully. Absolutely anything and everything is a meditation when done with focus and appreciation. Right here. Right now. Love.

So I invite you to join me in striving to live Life as The Grand Meditation. The Prayer of Thankfulness that Never Ends. The moment of choice, the moment of change, the moment of power, healing and grace, is now.

∞

As for me, time to go practice gratitude with my family. Right here. Right now. We are about to create a Family Gratitude Book! I’ll let you know how it turns out, and I suspect that may become Gratitude Tip #4.

Your life can change in a moment’s notice.

And the moments you notice can change your entire life.

So, my friends, have a beautiful day…and another…and another…Keep adding to, and treasuring those precious gifts of moments of simple pleasure, in oneness, and in the company of loved ones, the pearls on your necklace of life.

With Love, Sage

P.S. Please share in comments:

What part of this article did you most resonate with?

What are your favorite ways to deepen your gratitude attitude?

And what are you most thankful for this season?

(what are some of your precious pearls)

Just click on the article title to add a comment if the box is not visible below. Thanks for visiting!

www.LoveandSpirit.org

It doesn’t really matter what method you use to access the Subconscious mind, whether you use ThetaHealing™, NLP etc, the most important thing to know is how it works. Vianna Stibal teaches that the Subconscious mind believes that every belief within it is there to serve, protect or enhance your life  in a positive way. By its way of thinking there is nothing negative in it at all. It is not until the belief is communicated at the Conscious level that we realise how negative some of our beliefs really are.

Many people will ask why can’t we just remove and resolve all negative beliefs within our Subconscious mind with one command. Well, if you believe that you can then go for it. The thing to remember is that the Subconscious mind thinks that it is helping you and has no real judgement of positive or negative. So maybe if you were to make that command then there would be no result. The negative beliefs will not be apparent until they are filtered by your Conscious mind.

People will use affirmations at the conscious level to try to initiate change in their life. Affirmations target the Conscious mind in order to ultimately access the Subconscious mind. Repetition is the key to the affirmation being successful, with the affirmation needing to be repeated up to thousands of times to get into the Subconscious mind. Below is a diagram that represents the mind (courtesy of Paul Blackburn), that shows how much of our thinking is influenced by each part of our mind. The Conscious mind is approximately 10% and the Subconscious mind is a whopping 50- 60%. That explains that despite all the positive thinking, we still do behaviours and have beliefs that are not in our higest and best. E.g. Consciously we say ” I will not eat chocolate, I will not eat chocolate…”, Subconsciously we are saying “Chocolate makes me feel better, I want some now”, and before we can catch up with what is going on, we have a piece of Chocolate in our mouth. What the…Why?? Well it is obvious, 50 -60% will beat 10% any day of the week.

But what if there was a way to get any affirmation into the Subconscious mind the first time it is said, thus giving the 10% more leverage. Well there is a way and what we are talking about is ThetaHealing™. We can download beliefs and feelings into the Subconscious mind as well as remove limiting or negative beliefs in an instant. ThetaHealing™ is such a versatile technique that can make real and lasting change in a person’s life.

In ThetaHealing™ we use a basic Kinesiology Technique called “Muscle Testing” to check whether a person has a belief within their Subconscious mind. There was a ThetaHealing™ teacher that would muscle test whether a certain belief was in fact the “bottom” belief. Unfortunately there is a real flaw in this model, and that is if you give the Subconscious mind any opportunity to escape … it will! So the answer would always be “Yes, this is the bottom belief”. They would then change the “bottom” belief but the true bottom belief would be left in place, so realistically the person did not receive a full healing.

Our mind is more powerful than most people give it credit for. How many times have you become sick just before an appointment or course that was going to change your life? That was your Subconscious mind keeping you “safe”. What about people who get laryngitis just before a big presentation. Again, the person is being kept “safe”.

Whatever we say we are, we are! Have you noticed that people who say they can’t remember people’s names, can’t. People who say that they are bad with money, are. What are you feeding your Subconscious mind? Isn’t  it time that we changed our mental nutrition.

Thanks for reading,

Love, Light, Laughter and Learning,

Pauline

ThetaHealing™ Master and ThetaHealing™ Certificate of Science

Image by BugMan50 via Flickr

You’ve read books, taken classes, maybe even worked with a coach and still life feels backwards, all out of synch with what you are desiring to experience. What in the heck fire is going on here you ask over and over.

Your subconscious is the key to this contradiction. What you are saying is not what is programmed in your belief system. I know you’ve done affirmations, probably have them posted all over your home.. yet things still are not lining up the way you think they should.

In order to shift your core beliefs you just might have to use some “coyote medicine”, a Native American teaching of tricking yourself into learning something. Here’s how it works. You state many times each day I am abundance, prosperity, love, etc. You feel it.. you really do feel the emotions connected with those states of being.. but when you have opportunity to BE that in action the old subconscious beliefs raise their head and have their way with your expression.

Take this example. You are saying I AM LOVE>> over and over again. You feel the love of Source flowing into you.. every cell dances in delight.. wow.. you think “I’ve got it now”.

Some time later an car pulls out in front of you and cuts you off. At ONCE you yell.. “Stupid.. don’t you know how to drive!”

What happened? You ARE LOVE… you know you are.. you feel it.. goodness you’ve said it thousands of times, you’ve felt LOVE flowing into you.

Subconscious is what happened. You are programmed to react to fear with anger. What’s the answer to this dilemma?

Look for opportunity to ACT like LOVE throughout your day. Don’t wait for the driver to pull out or the child to pour milk down your silk dress to think about acting like LOVE. Be aware of all those little opportunities to BE LOVE. ACT LOVE before thinking about it. Have your smile and kind words ready at all times. Share them with each person you come into contact with. ACT rather than think. BE rather than feel.

The same process works for prosperity. You say you are prosperous.. but when given the chance to share some of your abundance you hesitate long enough for thought to kick in. Old thought says, “wait a minute here, you worked hard for that money”, “you just might need that for something that comes up”, “it’s not your job to take care of the financial needs of others”.. so you don’t donate, you don’t help out that friend in need, you don’t share your abundance because the old subconscious beliefs butt in.

Rather than giving yourself time to go subconscious just go ahead and ACT. Give when you feel the inspiration. At that instant, GIVE.

Acting.. taking action to BE is the quickest way to reprogram your subconscious beliefs. It will take practice but in a short time you will discover that the subconscious has begun buying into a new belief system based on the ACTIONS you are taking.

For help in shifting your beliefs

This is a really well written and informative article I ran across at clugmagonline.com. I never pass up the opportunity to retain knowledge and wisdom from outside sources, it helps. I encourage everyone reading this to grasp the jewels needed for life. 

Enjoy:

And You Say He’s Just A Friend

Monday Nov 23, 2009 – By Alaina L. Lewis

Love used to start out with the same ole scenario that carefully played out over the harmonious chirps of a blue bird fluttering high in the clear blue sky. Boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl hit it off, then boy breaks out the knee pads and pops the question. Err– maybe back in 1983.

It’s 2009 Ladies. It seems like you can barely get a man to pick his chin up off the floor after he’s made a mistake so I wouldn’t be one to assume he’s “gentleman” enough to stoop down to make any statement of importance. Unless by chance they’re playing Get Low in a local nightclub and he’s the type who is constantly victimized by the rhythm and the beat. (See Dave Chappelle’s White People Dancing).

Face it, we’re living in the modern era, when the ideas and practices of yesteryear are about as old school as waiting until marriage to swap more than spit or exchange front door keys.

So as love changes and the normal rules become a hesitant action, so do the channels we must go through to find a mate who’s ready to comply with our virtuous plan.

So what happens when you actually meet that man of your dreams and you’re unsure of his agenda or confused about his long-term intentions when considering his rules of the game? Is he all about booty calls, temporary love affairs, open-ended relationships, short-term thrills and chills, or is there anyone out here that still believes in playing for keeps?

(Of course… and please give them my number if you come across one. Thank you.)

But seriously, the one thing I will say for certain that goes without a doubt when discerning whether your potential Prince is worth more than the 5 minutes he invests in the bedroom after splitting the cost of theater popcorn or the tab at your favorite restaurant, is that the words he sows, are about as matter of fact as the statements he’s not making pertaining to his participation in the “real-lationship.”

If a man says he’s just a “friend” and is not looking for anything more at the present moment, then the only thing you need to question is why you’re assuming that you can change his perspective, if that’s your mission at the present time.

For some reason many of us look at the “friend” barrier like climbing the wall during basic training: a small challenge that will lead to a victorious outcome. We take the statement lightly, canoodle ’til our hearts desire, live for the moment and dare to cross those physical boundaries, all the while being met by a mutual response from a man who’d never turn down candy for a carrot.

Needless to say, we find ours hearts latching on to their actions and begin to believe the hype associated with any clever opportunist, which is what they are, while pretending as if his “friend” statement was just a defense against hurt. Remember, no man is dumb enough to pass on what you’re willing to hand out freely when knowing his position to remain uncommitted from the very beginning.

I don’t care how good your nookie is or if you can burn a mean casserole, while simultaneously flushing a car engine, and juggling tree (three) jobs like your Jamaican neighbor. When going on that quest to make a man eat his words and rush to love, you’d probably have better luck finding the lost city of Atlantis.

No matter how many times you try to impress your “friend” with your caring heart, or argue your point in a heated debate about taking the friendship to the next level, the only person who stands to get hurt is the one who has the expectations apart from the initial understanding.

Side stepping on that truth is what has us pissed off when we see our wannabe Romeo arm and arm with another chick in a sailor suit threatening to rock the boat we swore we had anchored at our dock.

Even worse, don’t be surprised if you were hanging on for years and he up and marries a woman he just met a couple months ago, who as the saying goes, is “everything you’re not” to him or just somehow made an impression in an hour that you had spent months trying imprint on him.

Whether a man means what he says or is just playing hard to get, the only thing that can come from taking a risk like dating a “friend” is the ladder of potential hurt that stems from assuming it’s all in the bag when we’re figuring that we’ve got the “stuff” that he needs to make him change his heart on the situation.

Remember, men usually know what they want and rarely pass on their desires to let someone else have a chance at their target. PREACH! Men know exactly what it is they want, if a man sees you as a “diamond” and believes everything about you is beautiful….why would he want to keep you on the market for other men to have the opportunity to see your beauty? With no title people are still available to search for other options. Don’t assume and prolong a deadend situation.

Don’t give the obligation you have to your heart to someone who doesn’t want to be in your heart or protect it from pain.

When they say they’re not interested in a relationship they’re letting you know that either they’re not ready for love, or you’re not the love they’re ready for or interested in. Either way, hope for the best..and prepare for the worst.

It’s not our duty to wait on them. It’s our right to be chosen. So if he says he’s just a friend, then it is your job to protect your feelings and keep it that way.

Story from the UK Daily Mail. (H/T Ace of Spades via ECM)

Excerpt:

A man thought by doctors to be in a vegetative state for 23 years was actually conscious the whole time, it was revealed last night.

Student Rom Houben was misdiagnosed after a car crash left him totally paralysed.

He had no way of letting experts, family or friends know he could hear every word they said.

‘I screamed, but there was nothing to hear,’ said Mr Houben, now 46.

Doctors used a range of coma tests, recognised worldwide, before reluctantly concluding that his consciousness was ‘extinct’.

But three years ago, new hi-tech scans showed his brain was still functioning almost completely normally.

[...]Mr Houben said: ‘I shall never forget the day when they discovered what was truly wrong with me – it was my second birth.

‘I want to read, talk with my friends via the computer and enjoy my life now that people know I am not dead.’

What are we to make of the Terri Schiavo killers now? Is it morally praiseworthy to advocate for getting rid of inconvenient people? Shouldn’t we look on the misfortunes of others as opportunities to act out our love and compassion for our fellow man? Doctors can be wrong in their diagnoses.

Don't worry he can't hear you!

OMG. Rom Houben, who doctors thought was in a vegetative state for 23 years were wrong, he was conscious the whole friggin time, he just couldn’t move. Houben was misdiagnosed after he was involved in a horrific car accident which left him totally paralyzed. The poor guy could hear every word his family, friends and doctors said, he just had no way of letting them know. Nightmare people, nightmare. It was only after doctors used a new hi-tech scan 3 years ago did they discover Houben’s brain was functioning nearly completely normally. He is now able to communicate through a computer screen thanks to intensive therapy and this is what he said of his ordeal ‘All that time I just literally dreamed of a better life. Frustration is too small a word to describe what I felt.’ Hmm, I bet! Dear god, now doctors fear there are many more cases of false comas around the world!

Psst How friggin boring and frustrating would those 23 years have been?

Changes can have a profound affect on the nervous system, even when the changes were consciously chosen. It seems the more relaxed into it one becomes, the universe has a way of bringing challenges or obstacles to test fortitude. It can be so easy at this point to fall back into the “comfort zone” that may have been the cause of endless issues, especially when confronted by the prospect of a different load of rubbish. Turning back may seem easy but we do have to consider how detrimental that situation was, otherwise why did we make changes at all. This stage is what I consider to be “Riding the Storm”, most of the seemingly new challenges were already there, hidden beneath the mountain of concerns utmost in mind. With that out-of-the-way the rest can reveal themselves and here is where we may assume the wrong choice was made and it will go away if we turn back, I can assure you it won’t. Going back may seem right for a while, then the whole cycle will repeat again and here we will be once again. This pattern can continue repeatedly, with different people and different places until such time we make a conscious choice to “Ride the Storm”

     Getting honest,

     Getting clear,

     Taking responsibility for life choices,

     Giving up blame and shame,

      No more scapegoats for our pain.

      No more numbing denial,

       No more acting out,

       Or acting “as if,” we are better than.

       No more false pretenses or game playing,

       No more purposeful misleading.

       No more winning; coming out on top

       at the expense of another.

       No more using, abusing or shutting down.

       Now it’s time to live,

       Take stock,

       Bring our flaws, mistakes and unconscious acts to the table.

       Confession without guilt.

       Ready for conscious, healthy, balanced living,

       So we might finally help our human species evolve,

       And live as Beings of Light and Love,

        As One with our Creator and at peace with All things.

Frenchie, a recurring poet on Russell Simmons’ Def Poetry Jam, is one of the better poets I have seen on the show. Her poem “Fucking Ain’t Conscious”, was the first poem I heard from her. When I first saw this, I thought it was a brush of fresh air. I love how it was so candid and honest! And it was good because, even though I know Frenchie can spit the “liberate the man from The Man”-type poetry, she showed everyone has different sides. And these are sides you shouldn’t ignore, because that would be ignoring part of you.

I present to you, Frenchie “Fucking Ain’t Conscious”—

This week, I wore a long white dress shirt throughout the whole day before I made a terrible discovery: between the looseness of the shirt and the wide-legged jeans, I looked terribly shapeless. Next time, I plan on wearing slimmer bottoms and this elastic obi belt from Desirapesta on Etsy. The simple design and foolproof black will make this obi a fantastic, wearable piece to pair with my former fashion faux pas. Besides the fact that this is made to order according to your waist measurement, the belt is made of upcycled elastic from a now-defunct belt factory. Eco-friendly and inexpensive? At $12.00 (including shipping), why yes, yes it is.

Click here to purchase.

I weighed more in high school than I do now, and I’m 50 years old, 5’2 and 100 pounds. I remember how I spent my lunch money on chocolate, chunky bars and chips. Growing up in New Orleans with its decadent food, I often had three helpings at dinner. I’d even use my heavily buttered, French bread to soak up any remaining sauce on my plate. My exercise consisted of lifting my fork and knife numerous times.

When my nickname became ‘chunky’, I then understood the line, “You are what you eat.” I’d become the resemblance of my sweet treats. I felt so disgusted hiding out in my baggy clothes, and I hated the puffy face which stared back at me in the mirror.

I tried every diet plan available convinced the next one would be the sure winner. Yet nothing worked. In the end I had gained more weight. During this experience I succumbed to the eating disorder, bulimia, certain I could rid the calories by purging them. I’d consume enormous amounts of diet foods along with ‘bad foods’ which I’d sneak in between. I directed my life force toward keeping this vicious cycle in motion, to the detriment of my health and well-being.

One day I looked into the mirror after a binge-purge session and tears began rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t recognize her anymore. I dropped onto the cold, tiled floor; cried until I had nothing left; and prayed for deliverance from the poor choices I’d made. After awhile, I felt something lift. I weighed the same, yet I felt lighter. I looked in the mirror again and saw resolve shine through my eyes.

I drove to a sporting goods store and purchased running clothes and shoes. I bought a journal to write down everything I ate to stay aware. I threw out anything connected to dieting, subscribed to health magazines, purchased books on nutrition, and made a conscious choice to be my own advocate.

I realized diets do not work over the long-haul. Healthy eating is about being mindful of what I put into my mouth, and only eating when I’m hungry. It is about intentionally choosing foods which make me feel good like fresh vegetables, fruit, fish, and whole grains. It is also about eating slowly to honor the whole process of having a meal and, thus, I consume less. I drink a lot of water, and never have sodas – thus flushing out my system on a regular basis.

I sometimes splurge and have a special dessert when I’m out. Healthy eating is not about deprivation. It is about taking response-ability for one’s life by choosing foods which promote life force energy. Healthy eating is a mindful practice. Your health is your only true wealth. What can be more important than abundant health?

Making copies of music, using White Out to remove all copy right claims. I have to remember to destroy the White Out. It might rat me out.

…

Watching blood trickle down my finger. I cut it on some glass, trying to punch your face. It is burning in the backyard now, and I cropped my half into some frame I bought at the dollar store.

…

Making friends with strangers, wondering where all the others went. I remember walking to the coffee shop with you, but after that last crosswalk I have no idea how you are doing.

…

Checking the ghost vibrations of the cell phone in my pocket, glaring at the time when it shows up. I want it to herald something exciting.

…

Pouring antifreeze into my neighbor’s yard. Next time, clean up your dog’s shit. I love Fru-Fru, but she pooped on my favorite garden gnome.

…

Tapping away at the one piano key that won’t sound, fiddling with the hammers and strings as though I were Cecilia and I could magically fix the irritation in my neck and the fire of OCD burning around me.

…

Writing my own biography on Wikipedia because someone forgot.

…

Take time to appreciate what you have in your Hand.
Do not be fooled into thinking that which do not hold in your hand is a true desire of your heart.

Gorgeous and Green Events is a certified green business!

It took a few months, well quite a few, mostly because I’ve been so busy.  But we’re certified.  I hope to get the seal up on the blog and website soon.

For information about Bay Area Green Certification go here: http://www.greenbiz.ca.gov/

Gorgeous and Green was already fulfilling most of the requirements and usually going beyond them,  but there were still some things I worked on.  One thing I do now is keep a tally of waste.  I think it’s really key to see how much waste, even biodegradable or recyclable materials, we are responsible for on a daily basis.  Overall, I think it was a good step in the process of being green.  I plan to continue to find new ways to act as a sustainable business and offer sustainable product.

I’ve been sick this week, so I apologize for the short blog.

In Green and Health,

G&G