Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who reads this blog. Later today our family will begin to arrive at our home and we’ll once more be re-united with those we hold close to our hearts. My mother, 83 years young will be here along with Diane’s Mom and Dad. Our children will be here and also my brothers and sisters in law and a couple of cute little girls who are the new generation of grand-children in the family. God has been good to us and to me in particular. I’m planning on driving to Mt. Irenaeus for Mass later this morning. The friars celebrate Eucharist at 11 AM. It’s very quiet as I sit here this morning in the dawn’s early light. It’s overcast today, but I know that somewhere the sun in shining. I’m brewing a pot of coffee and enjoying the smell of it perking.

I’m thankful for this year. There is renewed purpose in my life. I’m teaching again and attending graduate school at St. Bonaventure University. I’m learning anew and being challenged by my classmates and professor. Five months has made a big difference in my life. A retreat at Mt. Irenaeus, taking inventory and sharing with my friend led to a renewed spirit. “Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect,” from Romans 12:2. I think of how much the scriptures inform and transform my life.

My friend, Paul is being greeted by Sister Death and I’ve had the privilege of being with him and his family as he leaves this life bound for the next. Paul has been sick for a couple of months. He’s 87 and he broke his hip in late September. It’s been a tough couple of months for he and his family but he’s at peace and so are they. Sure there is grief, but amidst the grief there is much happiness for a life well lived. I’ve know Paul for 30 years and in that time we’ve grown very close. He’s been a rock in my life and as he grew older and his eyes dimmed many of us helped him get to where he needed to be. He lives almost ten miles from nowhere in hamlet that is almost forgotten. We help ourselves most when we help others and our concern for Paul and his needs have drawn us closer together. The night he fell he was surrounded by brothers, most of them half his age. It has been something to witness this tremendous outpouring of love. One of Paul’s favorite poems became one of my favorites and whenever I think of him I think of it. It’s a story of our lives and it’s a story of redemption too and all of us who knew Paul have been redeemed.

I FLED Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped;
And shot, precipitated,
Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears,
From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat—and a Voice beat
More instant than the Feet—
‘All things betray thee, who betrayest Me.’

You can read the whole poem here. We will all miss Paul, but I for one am very thankful that our paths crossed and for thirty years we were friends and that he shared so much of his life and insight with me and with us.

Okay so this whole “controversy” over Adam Lambert’s performance on Sunday’s AMA’s is really pissing me off. I watched the AMA’s (American Music Awards) even though I normally don’t interest myself in those things, but nothing else was on and they kept promoting him as the finale and having been a huge fan during Idol I was interested. I watched the performance and didn’t think anything of it at all. It was a over the top and it wasn’t the kind of music I expected from him, but I liked it and thought it was catchy. I’d been following the #AMA twitter buzz and a pour of anti-gay comments began to flood through, but I just shut off twitter and left it at that.

Until the next morning when I hear that his ABC Good Morning America concert was canceled because of complaints due to his performance and that the performance was censored for the West Coast. WTF? I’m still uncertain of what he did that was wrong, other than of course be a man and be gay. Clearly these things are just too horrendous. Britney Spears does the same kind of dance moves all the time, expect she barely wears clothes when she does it. Plus, who cares that he kissed another guy, would it be a big deal if he had kissed a girl? Or what about the comparison that everyone else makes of Britney and Madonna kissing?

I hate these fucking double standards in the media.

His performance was no different than anyone else’s except his gender and sexual orientation. I’m so happy that he refused to apologize on the Early Show. In fact I agree with everything he said in the interview.

Bravo Adam.

Also, the song “For Your Entertainment” is completely stuck in my head. Watch the video.

If this doesn’t make women want to do James, nothing will.

November 25 2009 Wednesday 34^th Week in Ordinary Time
Saint of the Day – St. Columban

About the sources used. The readings on this site are not official for the Mass of Roman Rite of the Catholic Church in the USA, but are from sources free from copyright. They are here to present the comparable readings alongside traditional Catholic commentary as published in the Haydock Bible for your own personal study. Readings vary depending on your local calendar.

Official Readings of the Liturgy at – http://www.usccb.org/nab/readings/112509.shtml

Daniel 5:1-6, 13-14, 16-17, 23-28
Douay-Rheims Challoner

Baltasar, the king, made a great feast for a thousand of his nobles: and every one drank according to his age. And being now drunk, he commanded that they should bring the vessels of gold and silver, which Nabuchodonosor, his father, had brought away out of the temple, that was in Jerusalem, that the king and his nobles, and his wives, and his concubines, might drink in them. Then were the golden and silver vessels brought, which he had brought away out of the temple that was in Jerusalem: and the king and his nobles, his wives, and his concubines, drank in them. They drank wine, and praised their gods of gold, and of silver, of brass, of iron, and of wood, and of stone.

In the same hour there appeared fingers, as it were of the hand of a man, writing over against the candlestick, upon the surface of the wall of the king’s palace: and the king beheld the joints of the hand that wrote. Then was the king’s countenance changed, and his thoughts troubled him: and the joints of his loins were loosed, and his knees struck one against the other.

Then Daniel was brought in before the king. And the king spoke, and said to him:

Art thou Daniel, of the children of the captivity of Juda, whom my father, the king, brought out of Judea? I have heard of thee, that thou hast the spirit of the gods, and excellent knowledge, and understanding, and wisdom are found in thee. And now the wise men, the magicians, have come in before me, to read this writing, and shew me the interpretation thereof; and they could not declare to me the meaning of this writing. But I have heard of thee, that thou canst interpret obscure things, and resolve difficult things: now if thou art able to read the writing, and to shew me the interpretation thereof, thou shalt be clothed with purple, and shalt have a chain of gold about thy neck, and shalt be the third prince in my kingdom.

To which Daniel made answer, and said before the king:

Thy rewards be to thyself, and the gifts of thy house give to another: but the writing I will read to thee, O king, and shew thee the interpretation thereof.

But hast lifted thyself up against the Lord of heaven: and the vessels of his house have been brought before thee: and thou, and thy nobles, and thy wives, and thy concubines, have drunk wine in them: and thou hast praised the gods of silver, and of gold, and of brass, of iron, and of wood, and of stone, that neither see, nor hear, nor feel: but the God who hath thy breath in his hand, and all thy ways, thou hast not glorified. Wherefore, he hath sent the part of the hand which hath written this that is set down. And this is the writing that is written: MANE, THECEL, PHARES. And this is the interpretation of the word.

• MANE: God hath numbered thy kingdom, and hath finished it.
• THECEL: thou art weighed in the balance, and art found wanting.
• PHARES: thy kingdom is divided, and is given to the Medes and Persians.

Responsorial Psalm Daniel 3:62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67
DR Challoner Text Only

O ye sun and moon, bless the Lord: praise and exalt him above all for ever.
O ye stars of heaven, bless the Lord: praise and exalt him above all for ever.
O every shower and dew, bless ye the Lord: praise and exalt him above all for ever.
O all ye spirits of God, bless the Lord: praise and exalt him above all for ever.
O ye fire and heat, bless the Lord: praise and exalt him above all for ever.
O ye cold and heat, bless the Lord, praise and exalt him above all for ever.

The Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ According to Saint Luke 21:12-19
Haydock New Testament

Jesus said:

But before all these things they will lay their hands on you, and persecute you, delivering you up to synagogues and into prisons, dragging you before kings and governors, for my name`s sake: And it shall happen to you for a testimony.

Lay it up, therefore, in your hearts, not to meditate before how you shall answer. For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to resist and gainsay. And you shall be betrayed by your parents and brethren, and kinsmen and friends: and some of you they will put to death. And you shall be hated by all men, for my name’s sake. But a hair of your head shall not perish. In your patience you shall possess your souls.

Haydock Commentary Daniel 5:1-6, 13-14, 16-17, 23-28
Notes Copied From Haydock Commentary Site

• Ver. 1. Baltassar. He is believed to be the same as Nabonides, the last of the Chaldean kings, grandson to Nabuchodonosor.  He is called his son v. 2, 11, &c. according to the style of the Scriptures, because he was a descendant from him.  Ch.  S. Jer. in Is. xiii.  Usher, &c. — Some think that he was brother of Evilmerodac.  v. 11.  Bar. i. 11.  But he seems rather to have been his son.  Jer. xxvii. 7.  Profane authors place Neriglissor and Laborosoarchod between them.  They were not of the royal family, and might be looked upon as usurpers, or reigned in some other place; or they did not meddle with the Jews.  C. — It is wonderful that Josephus should prefer these authors; (T.) yet he abandons the dates given by them.  Ant. x. 12. & c. Ap. 1.  They represent Nabonides as a simple Babylonian raised to the throne, defeated by Cyrus, and suffered to retire into Carmania; whereas, Baltassar was slain.  v. 29.  C. — The others were of a different lineage, and are mentioned by Eus. &c.  Evilmerodac certainly preceded him on the throne, and honoured Joachim in the 37th years of his captivity. W. — Thousand; or, “for his officers over a thousand men.”  Theodot. — Every. Chal. “and drank wine before the thousand,” more than any, for this was deemed a great perfection; or he drank in their presence, but apart.  C. — The Persian monarchs used to sit in a separate apartment, with a veil before the door, so that they could see the guests without being seen.  A great chandelier was before them; (Athen. iv. 10.) probably on the outside, otherwise it would have defeated their purpose.  Light sufficient would appear for Baltassar to see the hand-writing on his chamber wall.  v. 5.  H. — According to the order of time, this chapter should be placed after the vii. and viii.  C. — But those contain visions.  H.
• Ver. 6. Loosed, so that he quaked for fear.  Ezec. xxix. 7.  C. — He was not so drunk as to be deprived of sense.  H. — This happened in the 17th and last year of his reign, when Daniel was about a hundred years old, (W.) though we have no certain account of his age.  H. — He might be eighty-two when he died.  C.
• Ver. 16. Difficult. Lit. “things which are tied,” or perplexing.  H. — The Persians still used the like expressions, to imply an intelligent governor.  Chardin.
• Ver. 17. Another. He does not refuse the offers, but civilly replies that he will give satisfaction without regard to any recompense.
• Ver. 23. Vessels. Only part had been returned to Sedecias: (C. i. 2.) but they were taken again, and kept in the palace, or in the temple of Bel.  H. — Breath, or soul.  Gen. ii. 7.  C.
• Ver. 25. Phares. These words consist of three letters, mona, thokol, pros, as we add o merely for pronunciation.  Being unconnected and almost destitute of vowels, (H.) it is not easy even for the learned to read these words, or to ascertain their meaning.  Thus d b r being placed in a similar situation, it would be impossible to determine the sense; as it may have ten different meanings, according as it is pronounced.  v. 8.   C. — Mane is twice repeated, to shew the certainty and exactitude of the numbering.  M. — Yet in the sequel each word occurs once and unconnected, as it is here in the Vulg.; not Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin, (Prot.  H.) “He hath numbered, weighed, and the dividers or the Persians” are upon thee, (T.) as Dalila said to Samson.  Only three words (H.) were written.  S. Jer. — The rest contain the prophet’s explanation.  The Chaldean empire had now attained its utmost height.  Its king brought ruin upon himself by his wicked life.  H. — He would soon be divided with the sword, and his kingdom shared between the Medes and Persians.  S. Jer.
• Ver. 28. Persians. Those who confound Baltassar with Nabonides, say that Cyrus made himself master of all the empire.  How then was it divided?  Darius rather took possession of the greatest part while Cyrus had Persia, (C.) till his uncle’s death.  H.

Haydock Commentary Luke 21:12-19

• Ver. 12. This verse is spoken to the apostles alone; and was verified, by most of them having been martyred and put to death, before the destruction of Jerusalem.  Calmet.
• Ver. 15. I will give, &c.  In some parts it is said, that Christ himself will speak by the mouths of his disciples, as in this passage of S. Luke; in other places, as S. Matt. C. xvi. that the Father will speak; and S. Matt. C. x. that the Spirit of the Father will speak.  In these different texts there is no contradiction, but a most perfect harmony.  What one of the divine Persons says, all three say; for the voice of the Trinity is only one.  S. Ambrose.
• Ver. 18. A hair of your head, &c.  A hair shall not perish from the head of the disciples of Christ; because not only their most heroic actions, and their public confessions of his name, but even their passing thoughts shall be crowned with adequate rewards.  Ven. Bede.
• Ver. 19. In your patience, &c.  We then truly possess our souls, when we live in all things perfect, and from the citadel of virtue command and control all the motions of the mind and heart.  S. Greg. Mag. Moral. v. c. 13.

Last night I had my annual Thanksgiving dinner and it was great. I just really really love hosting parties. I don’t know why, but I always have. I used to want to do it professionally; be a wedding planner or party planner. On some level I still wouldn’t mind doing it professionally, the little work that I do with events at the Museum is one of my favorite parts of my job. The thing is, I like hosting events for my friends not as  much throwing parties for other people and their friends.

If I could I would go really overboard with these parties. It’s pretty hard to contain myself as is. In fact this is the first year that I didn’t buy anything for the party (dishes, decor, linens, etc) though I was quite tempted to buy a bigger dining room table to accommodate everyone. I quickly learned that hosting such large dinners is quite expensive so I have them potluck now. I was only supposed to do the turkey and gravy this year, but obviously I couldn’t contain myself and also did a spice cake, homemade pull-apart rolls, homemade cranberries and a salad. My salad was actually amazing. Pancetta, Apples, and Walnuts YUM! I tend to always mix like 4 recipes together to create something which is what I did with the salad (and turkey and cranberries) and it turned out great. I didn’t need to take on the extra dishes (we had an absurd amount of food) or the cost of extra food, but I really wanted to and I really enjoyed cooking.

I think its because growing up it was just me and my parents so holidays and family dinners (which lasted like 20 minutes with the TV on) weren’t exactly special. So when I get to sit at the head of a table surrounded by 10 other people I love enjoying food and conversation its just really great.

In the end this is what the 11 of us ate (my fridge is full of leftovers):

• Rolls and butter
• Walnut, Apple and Pancetta Salad
• Pull-apart rolls
• Sweet Potatoes
• Mashed Potatoes
• Cheesy Potatoes
• Green Bean Casserole
• Stuffing
• Apple and Herb Stuffing
• Cranberries
• Jalapeno Cornbread
• Corn on the Cob
• Turkey and Gravy
• Chocolate Pie
• Pumpkin Pie
• Spice Cake
• Cookies
• Vanilla and Chocolate Ice Cream

It was a BIG meal.

Sadly, then we played Squabble and the girls lost twice. It was depressing.

This Sunday is the next one before Advent in the Church of England Common Worship Lectionary and is a festival honouring ‘Christ the King’. The gospel reading (from John 18) is about Pontius Pilate’s life-and-death interview with Jesus.

37. Then Pilate said to him, “So you are a king?” Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world – to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice.”

But what I want to draw attention to comes in the next verse:

38. Pilate said to him, “What is truth?”

Whenever I see this I think of Pilate speaking for those who have no moral compass, and he has summed it up in so few words. Whatever else Professor Dawkins might say, Christianity does give us the framework to perceive what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ without much difficulty. Hail Christ the King!

Late last night, the desert sky was kind enough to offer a couple of distant stars to accompany a contemplative mood.  I’ve been experimenting with night photography, lately.  This was a 30 second exposure with 14mm lens, picking up hundreds of thousands of stars.

I was listening to Craig Armstrong Piano Works ‘Gentle Piece’, while absorbing the space and depth between the notes in the sky.

I should have spent today in bed.

Today was a day to spend ensconced in creamy white sheets – the cotton ones my mother bought for me, the ones that feel deliciously smooth on my bare legs.

Today was a day to spend propped up on pillows clad in my favorite pillowcases – the ones my great-grandmother embroidered with the blue thread that remind me of crisp, clear fall skies.

To lie there,

lissome, languid,

And contemplate.

To stare at the ceiling without even seeing it.

To think.

To push aside plans, and release clocks and schedules.

To open my heart to dreaming,

To drop slowly, stone after stone, ideas, forms, thoughts,

subtle meanderings

Into the stillness inside me.

To get nothing done.

To be away.

To let everything take care of itself for one day,

To let the phone go unanswered,

The mailbox go unchecked,

The to-do lists go undone;

to just be.

To respect the cozy haze

To allow myself to ensorcelled by my own energy

To be mellow.

Today, even books (my weakness) would have felt intrusive.

I wanted to sit,

Allowing silence to press in

To circle round,

To embrace me –

To transport me.

To be contemplative.

To feel prayerful –

With each breath,

Each movement of my fingers along the embroidery –

To read the Braille of those stitches and divine meaning.

To revel in a state of happy-aloneness,

Knowing the comfort of never being alone.

To commune with myself,

With God.

To honor my own body and mind

To allow respite,

To enjoy rest, and the act of resting.

To enjoy my quiet heart,

To not speak, and not need to speak.

To listen, instead.

To be prayerful –

To praise on each breath

And honor with each movement.

To be prayerful –

To think about the things for which I have no words –

The things that need to be felt to be experienced.

To be prayerful –

To have a peaceful heart

A quiet mind

A resting body

A listening spirit.

I made my way along the roads today to Mt. Irenaeus. It’s been a couple of Sunday since my last visit. Last week I was a bit under the weather with a touch of what the doctor said was pneumonia. Glad to have that behind me as I drive along this morning. The weather is an inviting fifty degrees and headed even warmer.

The leaves have all fallen from the trees and the woods are ready for winter. We’ve even had a couple of snow storms. Driving through Cuba, and then the back road to “Fightin’ Corners” and then a right turn down Route 275 to the hamlet of Nile. Then a right turn and a stop at Times Square and another right turn onto Allegany County Route 1. It’s only about four miles now to the Mountain as we call it. It’s been almost ten years since I first came here. What a journey. A journey of faith and growth. A left turn onto Hydetown Road from the paved surface and then almost two miles until I arrive. After making my way into the House of Peace with my offering of eggs, orange juice and coffee cake I spy the tell tale signs of students, a back pack or two and some books.

I stow my goods and then up the path to the chapel. The woods are lovely today and we’re enjoying an extended Indian Summer. My steps are light along the trail as I make my way to the chapel. Once inside I spot Josiah and the students from Houghton, joining them are students from Alfred State, and St. Bonaventure. I can see Michael from SBU. He’s a new face this year, a transfer and he loves the mountain. This is the intercollegiate weekend and there are lots of young faces, a professor from Houghton College, a few friars, a few seculars and a sprinkling of other visitors. I sit next to my friend Duane Karl, a regular hear at the Mountain. It’s good to be home after a couple of weeks away. Fr. Lou McCormick, OFM is our celebrant. We introduce ourselves as is customary at the Mountain. I’m no longer just a secular Franciscan from nearby Franklinville. I’m also a graduate student at St. Bonaventure University. I’m happy about my expanded role. This has been a wonderful fall and I have much to be grateful for. I brought my new Flip Camera and I’ve recorded some of my journey here today and some of the sights and sounds of Mt. Irenaeus. I hope that you enjoy them. Next week I’ll be out of town, but I’ll be back for Thanksgiving. I can’t stay away long. It’s the air that fills my lungs. It’s home!

Yay for doctors who spend 15 minutes talking to you before the exam and tell you to ”take your time” explaining everything that has gone on this year.  For a doctor who notices your new hair style though she hasn’t seen you in over a year.  For an OBGYN who says: “lets get your exam finished up so you can get out of this office and away all these stupid pregnant women”.  For a doctor who really seems to care about you as a person.  I really needed that today.

One of my favorite film scenes is in a movie called Castaway from 2000. The scene begins with focus on a glass of scotch, cradled by Tom Hanks’ character as he recounts in front of a fire about his experiences being lost on a desert island. Woefully, as the rain beats staccato and the wind blows, Tom Hanks talks about his lowest point on the island. He stares blankly as he describes his realization that there would be no help coming and that he’d never see his wife again. Hanks’ character in the movie is a bit of a controlling-type of leader, and the powerlessness of his fate pushed him to realize that the last thing he had control over was when and where to die.

So, after building a twine rope, Hanks describes that he went to the highest point on his desert island and built a noose to hang himself. Sanguine with the despair of his memories, he coldly jokes that true to his nature of being exact in his plans he decided to test his noose before killing himself to make sure it worked properly. It didn’t though; Hanks laments that his “test log” failed and that the tree limb holding it broke. He nearly breaks down at this, decrying that he couldn’t even kill himself properly. But in this final moment of despair, Hanks describes this feeling that came over him like a “warm blanket.” He found some sort of hope there – a hope that defied his logical assessment of the situation and implored him to keep going. And miraculously a sail washed up on he shore of his island not long after, allowing Hanks to built a liferaft that eventually led to his being saved by a passing oil tanker.

Hanks’ despair in the movie doesn’t end there though. After returning home, he discovers that his wife moved on (she thought he was dead) and married his dentist (who he named his simulacrum best friend on his desert island – a volley ball with a happy face on it – after). After meeting with his ex-wife and realizing that he “lost her again,” Hanks finds himself in the study of his best friend in throes of depression. He lets the phrase “lost her again” out with extreme agony, and his eyes whiten as he stares off into the distance looking for some type of answer.

But he turns to the camera after savoring the agony for a moment, and smiles somewhat. “But I know what I have to do now,” he says as his hand calmly runs across his glass of scotch. “I have to keep breathing – because tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring,” a reference to the realization that he had on the island applies still to what he’s going through right now.

I love that line. Castaway came out right before I left to California, a particularly dark point in my life marked with similar despair. After I saw that movie, I found some measure of cathartic truth in that scene. Whenever things got bad, I rotely quoted it from memory. It didn’t feel right though after a while. Though the impression that it gave off was precisely the type of defiance towards adversity that I was looking for, it wasn’t natural. It wasn’t my own words; it was the product of some screenwriter from Hollywood who happened to be damn good at his job. So I dedicated some time to this task and one day I found my own version of such a hopeful phrase.

After a particularly bad episode of what I went through I found myself outside staring up at the sky. True to Seattle’s climate, the day was oppressingly overcast. I looked around to find something of meaning, and as I looked up I found that the clouds broke for a moment. Warm sunlight flooded the street I was on, turning the black asphalt wet with rain into a glowing road of obsidian. I sucked in the air around me and tasted a different flavor than the usual “wet pavement” stench that usually came from a day in Seattle. Fresh, cold alpine air flooded my senses. Even if this was just some dirty street in the Wedgewood district of Seattle, and even if things were far from ideal, there was still beauty here. So I said the first thing that came to my mind: “and yet the world is still beautiful.“

This became my secret phrase that I’d mutter to myself. Whenever life tore me down and circumstance happened against me – and I swallowed whatever sorts of agony was there and would be crushed to near kneeling – I would stop and look around. I’d savor everything around me, close my eyes, and whisper “and yet the world is still beautiful.” And you know what, it would be. Once I said it while I sat on my friend’s roof in Foster City, and when I opened my eyes I saw that the clear night had turned the whole of the Bay Area into a blaze of electric light. Thousands of home and streetlights burned an inferno of civilization across the rolling hills around the bay, and the water glowed lambent with its echo of such things. I once whispered it to myself in Monterey, and when I opened my eyes I realized that I was at the top of a sand cliff above the Pacific Ocean. Turning to the north, I marveled at the rolling eternity of blue that hugged the shoreline like a blanket up into Santa Cruz. To the south, Monterey proper and the port looked like some beautiful collaboration of Norman Rockwell’s pieces on American progress and Monet’s approach to light and water. Every time I’ve said this, I’ve found that world really is still beautiful, despite whatever despair and the torment of adversity would have me believe.

One of the hard truths I’ve learned is that we human beings are somewhat insignificant in size. The universe, in its infinite expanse, is freakin’ big. I don’t mean this realization to make it seem like we’re powerless. We’re clearly not: we can split atoms, heat the planet white hot if we wanted to, and do all manner of crazy things that pre-Industrial society would see as magic. Rather, I feel like despite whatever interminable pain each of us might suffer, the world will still go on being beautiful. If I’m having a bad day, the skies don’t rain for me or the wind doesn’t blow for me. Maybe I might luck out and said bad day will be on a day of wicked weather. But that rain also gives life to plants, nourishing them and promoting their growth. Said plants then affect everything else (v.i.: their role in the carbon cycle, hydrological cycle, soil nourishment, etc.), and in the end the world remains beautiful though my situation seems particularly ugly.

So even if what I’m going through is pushing me to my limit, I can simply open myself and take comfort in the fact that at the end of the day the world still is beautiful. I know that even if it doesn’t seem like it right now, everything is as it should be and things still move and breathe to create that beautiful majesty we call life. And just as the world is still beautiful, fortune will smile on me sometime and things won’t always be this way.

Last night I opened my eyes and saw the stars: glorious beautiful things that are a perfect combination of gravity and hydrogen ->helium reactions that create heavy metals and thus everything the universe needs to create life. And they’re pretty cool looking too: a scintillating blanket of coruscating, twinkling diamonds that stretches across the sky like a half-globe of jewels. I didn’t even think you could see the stars with all the lights of San Jose, but like Tom Hanks’ character I guess my logic was wrong. Sometimes it’s great to be wrong.

Then, just as it is now and just as it will always be, the world is still beautiful.

So as mentioned in previous posts the holidays are coming upon us (yay!) but that tends to mean big spending for us. However, this year will be different. Because I’m determined to stick to a budget and only spend exactly what I’m going to allocate. I liked comments suggested in the previous post about having a gift fund that you contribute to throughout the year that you then use for gifts as needed. I think I might try something like that in 2010. If I put in $30 every month that would give me $360 for gifts throughout the year. Which actually I think is pretty good. I don’t anticipate any weddings in 2010, though perhaps a baby shower! (Crossing my fingers S!) and so that will pretty much all be for Christmas and birthdays.

Very reasonable.

It helps that this year I’m not really exchanging that gifts with many people. My planned $200 budget is:

• $0 for the Husband (we’re going to Mexico in 3 weeks as a belated honeymoon/Christmas/Anniversary present)
• $50 for my parents
• $25 for his parents
• $20 for his sister
• $10 for a co-worker I always exchange with
• $95 for my son

But here’s the great thing: Gift cards. We have Medica as our health insurance and they offer gift cards as an incentive to do all of these healthy programs on their website. We’ve got $150 in gift cards right now to redeem with $50 more at the end of the calendar year. So I intend to redeem these gift cards at places that I plan to buy said gifts. Likely to be Target and Amazon, perhaps Borders or Old Navy as well. You can redeem them in $25 increments for over 300 companies. Its wonderful. So essentially I’m hoping out of pocket cash costs will be minimal because of this.

The $75 that’s being spent for our parents can’t come through the gift cards because Kodak isn’t one of the companies available and I always get our parents a calendar of pictures of our son and my mom wanted a tote bag as well with his photo on it.  But luckily Kodak is doing this thing right now where you get a $15 credit to use in anyway you want and I have 3 of them So essentially I can get $75 worth of merchandise for $30 plus shipping.

Amazing.

So everything sounds dandy right? No. Because the thing above and beyond gifts (and really we’ll have to see what happens when all the Black Friday sales are released) that we spend by far the most on is decorations. And I LOVE Target’s Christmas decorations this year… Plus our neighbors go all out crazy in decorating their houses and its hard for me to not want to.

Reminds me of something I read in a different blog. This person was able to finally get a grasp on his finances when he stopped caring what other people think. I think that’s huge. If I really think about it 90% of my non-fixed purchases are probably on some level to “keep up with the Joneses” and to impress people.

I’m toying with this concept of really trying to not care what people think, except its so ingrained in us to focus the superficial as a means of keeping up with colleagues and friends. I think it’ll prove to be difficult.

The emergent pastor, market driven pastor, the contemplative pastor, and the faithful pastor. This is a short, amazing piece.

“While they ate dessert they read through steps 1 -12 in the manual, and talked about how a #1 best selling book had changed their lives. Then they were led in a discussion about finding their purpose, sharing their hurts and hangups, and joining God’s family for community and happiness. Some quietly wondered why they didn’t feel happy…”

One of the best things I have read all year. The emergent pastor segment is scary. LINK: http://morebooksandthings.blogspot.com/2009/11/four-pastors.html

Our pastor is number four, the faithful pastor. I hope your pastor is, too.

I’m sure you will love the following link >> The Transalpine Redemptorists of Papa Stronsay

Here’s a link to a video about them. They’re in Communion with the Bishop of Rome now.