A strange concept that I will write about today is how guys measure their success with women. Why is it that you have to sleep with the most girls to be the coolest guy around? When has this absolutely stupid notion come about? The more girls you can sleep with the more “game” you have. This should not be a measurement of how cool you are. Being able to prey on some low self-esteem people and taking advantage of them by putting on a show about how cool you are does not make you cool. It makes you look like a very low form of being that lacks any sense of moral values. If I am assuming correctly “game” in the context it is used means how well you talk to girls. Well the sad part is that people who have this amazing game that prey on these girls with low self-esteem are just like them and are looking to validate themselves to their peers and themselves. Most of these people have nothing interesting to say and therefore are not interesting people. I know what these conversations look like usually they are mainly focused on how much drinking they did or other sort of nonsensical topic. Having “game” is a stupid concept used to try to provide some sense of worth to people who lack it. You are not the coolest person because you slept with the most girls. You build your self-worth and self-esteem by being an individual thinker and being able to be confident in yourself.

Until next time

Ta ta

The Thanksgiving holiday is over – but now we have Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s on the horizon.

Typically, that means parties (professional and personal) – which, in turn, means more opportunities for creating conversations.

For some of us, it is an easy task — we like small talk, meeting new people and socializing in general. But, for others it is a chore.

It doesn’t have to be …

What are some techniques to make mingling and conversation easy and enjoyable for all parties concerned?

Here’s my list of seven strategies:

Whenever possible, do your “homework.” Know who is coming, and a little bit about the people. What are their interests? Where do they work? What do they do in their free time?

Ask questions – not to be intrusive, but to find areas of mutual interest. Be interested in what they have to say.

Share something about yourself – not to brag, but again, something that the others may find interesting.

Be comfortable with silence. You don’t need to rush the conversation.

Be up to date with current events and best-selling books – they make great conversation starters.

Look for ways to help others. That may mean introducing them to other people at the event.

Know when to exit the conversation. Avoid monopolizing one person for the whole event.

If you follow these seven guidelines, you not only will have great conversations and build relationships, but, perhaps more importantly, a great time!

lou:

“all i expect from you is your undying love. is it really so much for me to ask for your clinical and unshakable devotion, dear?……yes, yes, i know. you have an answer for everything. well i have a question for everything. that alone surely makes us soulmates, does it not?……..well, when you put it that way……yes, i do believe that love is absolutely contagious. i believe that love shares all the characteristics of a flesh-eating virus, minus the positives ones, of course. and in the end, isn’t that all we ask of others – that one day they may eat our flesh?”

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah and Good Kwanza. With Turkey Day stuffed behind us, the holiday season is off to a running start, and the official office parties are soon to follow. For many people, the stress of these corporate celebrations is that they require us to talk to customers, co-workers and vendors — about something other than business. But let’s face it, small talk is the stock-in-trade of workplace festivities, and knowing how to do it well can be a boon to your business.

“Most big connections in life start with small talk,” says Connie Dieken, author of the new book “Talk Less, Say More.” And while the point of most holiday parties is not to improve your productivity, knowing how to make a little light and charming chatter can lead to new business, start up relationships and make creative connections.

Even as a kid, I was always an extrovert and a talker (shocking, I know), so as an adult, small talk has never been a big problem for me. But a decade ago, I got a piece of advice I found invaluable. In Susan Roan’s bestselling book “How to Work a Room,”  she says that one of the keys to being comfortable at a party is to practice “host behavior,” rather than “guest behavior.”

In other words, if you were the host of the party, how would you act? What would you say? Whenever I’m at a gathering and at a loss, I simply ask myself, “What would I do if I were the host?”

But beyond this contextual piece of advice, there are a few examples of party small-talk etiquette that Dieken says will both keep you out of trouble and take you through the merrymaking with ease.

Stay away from conversation killers. Are you contemplating having an affair? Do you owe $10,000 in back taxes to the IRS? Getting a mole removed next week? Unless the person you are chatting up at the office soiree is a personal friend, Dieken says it’s best to stay away from taboo topics such as medical, money or marital problems.

Have an exit strategy. If you’re stuck in a conversation going nowhere, Dieken suggests keeping a few handy one-liners lined up that can extricate you efficiently and politely. If you find yourself trapped, use one of these exit lines:

• “I’ll let you go now so you can continue circulating around the room.”
• “I’ll stop monopolizing your time so you can meet other people.”
• “It was great meeting you. I’ll follow up with you on X next week.”

Be on the lookout for boredom cues. Business holiday parties by their nature are flirty affairs. Guests usually flit from person to person, the way a bee flows to different flowers. Stay aware of how much time you’ve spent talking with a particular individual, and be on the lookout for signals that your  conversation  partner is ready to move on, such as looking away, not contributing to the conversation or giving one-line answers to your questions.

Plan your conversation starters. Dieken says that, in general, commonly relatable topics — such as the weather, sports, movies, music, children and food — all make good small-talk openers.

Ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions by their nature invite your fellow partygoer to go into detail, rather than give you a short, one-sentence answer. They usually begin with words such as how, why, what, who, which, when and where. Examples of good open-ended party phrases include:

• “Where are you planning on spending the holidays?”
• “How do you know the host?”
• “What are your holiday plans?”

If the thought of having to make mini-conversations this holiday season makes you break out in a cold sweat, calm down, come up with a few conversation starters and work the room like a pro.

Share your office party small talk tips below.

I understand that postmodern can be quite scary. It can be metaphored as someone pulling the whole rug out from underneath your feet. And most modernists might have been the ones’ to put the rug there. But, nonetheless, the rug is there. But like any old rug it can collect dust, become congested and even old and tattered. So, postmodernism proposes that we need a new rug. A new way to look at things. And the rug they bring in to replace the old rug may look different and may even cover only certain aspects of the floor. But generally, it is a rug. Where the modern rug tried to fit into every genre and every space and find an answer for everything, the postmodern rug seeks to ask questions and understands that sometimes those questions lead to more questions. And that questions are not the enemy, they lead us into a mischevious child-like wonder that draws us to seek the adventure in all we say and do. If we don’t have questions than we have no journey to find the answers. If all we have is answers, what are the right questions? I think postmodernism allows to search. To be in awe and to be in wonder of the reality that life is bigger than finding answers. That life is bigger than certainty. That life is bigger than one religious system. I think also postmodernism reminds us what it looks like to rediscover our innocence. Rabbi Jesus had this tendency to use a child as a metaphor for rediscovering the child like qualities within. The trusting and the curious questioning that both reside within a child’s mind. The audacity to try anything once even if there are apparent dangers staring you in the face. The hunger to want to learn more. The ability to have a wide-eyed defiant hope in the midst of hopeless situations. These are the qualities that postmodernism hopes to reintroduce and restore to the conversation.

Postmodernism is such a vast subject, I definitely don’t seek to contain it in any one blog but only dip into the well of benefits we can gain from it.

An empty feeling reminiscent of the one that flooded me when I broke up with my boyfriend seems to be round the corner. I can sense it for it makes me feel rather lazy and want to stop everything I have undertaken. It hasn’t come upon me with all its glory as yet, or else, I will have been in bed by now. I will stem its progress. That’s all I can do. And possibly, I’ll get it to leave me alone.

—-

We will be shifting this week to another apartment. Mother dragged me to that apartment and got me to help her measure the length and breadth of its hall, bedroom, and kitchen. She did that because she wanted to plan the arrangement of the furniture.

However, when she made known her plans to all in the evening, none agreed wholeheartedly with her arrangements.

After all, how can you even think of stationing the cupboards – ALL the cupboards – in the hall? Her explanation is that there will not be place to sleep in the bedroom. Well, I don’t think Mother, Father, and Sister need so much space to sleep. Sister thinks the same too. And so, an argument broke out at 8:15 pm IST. Mother was hell bent on having her way and we were heaven bound to not let her.

It was then that she dug into her bag of dramatic statements and pulled out this: “Why have to bother about it looking nice? Why do you care? This house is – after all – a flock of borrowed feathers!”

A minute’s silence ensued and Sister had her retort ready. “Mother,” she said, registering determination in every syllable, “Just because you think that way doesn’t mean we ALL think that way.”

“Oh!” Mother sighed, “you just don’t understand.”

“On the contrary, Mother,” Sister snapped, “YOU don’t understand. You expect the cupboards, the dining table, the computer table, AND the music system to be all in the hall. Where will he sleep?” And she pointed at me.

“Well, there’ll be place.”
“Where Mother? Just think. Don’t just get carried away!”

But instead of re-thinking the whole idea, Mother just gave up: “Fine!” she said exasperated, “Do what you want!”

And that’s exactly what we are about to do.:)

I’ve just posted this article to some local newspapers as part of my job as PRO for our local Toastmasters club, but I thought I would post it here also, as it’s a subject that interests me greatly. Please let me know what you think. Would you have anything to add?

One of the most important life skills is the ability to start and hold a conversation with new people. Conversation is an art that requires tact, understanding and self-knowledge.

When starting out on a conversation with strangers it usually works to think small. Small-talk on topics such as the weather, the immediate surroundings, a recent news or sporting event or a pleasant comment about what the other person is wearing can be a very effective way of beginning a dialogue between two people. Small talk is particularly good for two reasons – it will help you both start from a common, neutral position and it will also give you an indication if the other person is interested in a conversation at all. Sometimes, for whatever reason, people might not want to talk and that’s OK. A flat response to an innocuous topic is signal enough to end the conversation and move on.

Things that get most people talking are topics to do with themselves. You can use the FORE technique – Family, Occupation, Recreation and Education. How are the kids doing? What project are you working on? What sports are you interested in? Where did you go to school? All these questions may open doors to the other person’s life, making it easy for them to talk with ease.

A useful approach in conversations is to use open ended questions. Questions starting with “Did”, “Are”, “Can” or “Is” are fine in a court of law, but might not move the conversation forward as they may only elicit “yes” and “no” responses. Instead, you should ask open questions that require the other person to elaborate. “What”, “How”, “When” and “Why” type questions are often much more appropriate if you want to get a conversation moving.

When conversing with strangers it is good practice to keep the conversation positive and to avoid negativity as much as possible. Criticism or sarcasm, whether direct or implied, can have an immediate effect of putting others on the defensive and closing them down. If your aim is to get the other person talking, but you disagree with what they have just said, you are often better off staying quiet or perhaps adding a different perspective, than flat out contradicting them.

Finally and most importantly, you need to actively listen to what the other person is saying. Repeating, paraphrasing, building on what the other person has said or adding an anecdote or a bit of humour helps to make people feel at ease and keep the conversation flowing.

You might note from this article that the art of a good conversationalist is to focus on the interests, opinions and experiences of the other person, not you. People will often leave with a good impression of you when they feel they have been truly listened to and not subjected to a monologue about your thoughts and attitudes. Economy can sometimes be the key to a successful conversation.

“JAMES (!?!?): I’m going to make a religion.. and like call it.. hmm? Life? and be like do what you like. But don’t kill. Or steal. And you’re good to go“.

James has a habit of saying things that make my heart go ‘awhh!’. This is just one of the few. It sort of GMH..?

And on that note I will say goodnight, otherwise my insomnia will just worsen.

Love,

Kamalia.

So my 4-month old tabby kitten has a new obsession with picking up his toys  (or my stray jewelry), and taking it into the bathtub to play. Strange? For an animal who is supposed to be terrified of water, he sure has picked a funny place to play. That’s not the only thing (as he is shitting once again while I write this), he also enjoys going into the shower after I get out. The cat will sit there right outside the shower door and wait for me to finish. As soon as I step out of the shower, he will jump right in and play with the last drops of water. I guess that’s what you get when you find your pet under the hood of your car after an 8-hour, cross-state road trip.

I’m going to transition into my next topic by mentioning a rabies shot. The rabies shot I didn’t make it up in time to take my little guy to go get this morning. Let’s just say it was a long night/early morning, and I had to be at work for 10 hours today.

So there was a strip club involved in my failure to rise at a reasonable hour to drive my cat to the rabies shot before work. There was a strip club and a long walk. A strip club, a long walk, and many people emerging from my past at various bars in 3 different neighborhoods around town.

Now, this was not my first time at a strip club, but I’m hardly a regular. I just find these erotic human watering holes to be very fascinating. People always interest me: personal interactions, the way they stand, talk, drink, dance, etc… For obvious reasons, human beings at strip clubs are just that much more entertaining than they are in more socially acceptable situations.

This particular night, I had a bizarre and uncommon interaction in the midst of all the scantily clad, emotionally barren women. I had an real conversation. I stood at the bar for over an hour talking to a guy in-depth about a topic. We had a full-on conversation…at a strip club. I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation that long with a guy at a regular bar, much less one where I was the most prude looking woman around. In fact, he kept making comments about me getting too distracted while we were engaged in this chat of sorts.

Don’t get me wrong. This was not a discussion about Middle East Peace or Global Warming. (However, he did make a reference to Obama being President when he checked to make sure that I had at least been laid since January.) This conversation included his suggestion that I meet a random stranger at a bar and have wild, passionate sex, and then never speak again. He reassured me though, that he could take me home and do his thing and never speak to me again just as much as he could do the same with the strip club bartender, however, he would feel bad about doing that to me due to my personal  profession choice as compared to hers.

Now, this guy wasn’t a complete stranger. I had actually arrived at the strip club with him and 2 more of my male friends just a few minutes prior to us launching into our  intense exchange. He was a friend of a friend who I had just met earlier that night. Despite the crude, forward nature of our conversation, there was something about this guy that I found intriguing. He pulled no punches, and was very honest about the way he felt- even explaining how men often take longer to heal after a bad break-up than women do. This apparently kind of  accounts for why they exhibit whorish behavior at times.( Funny, all these years I thought it was nothing more than a combination of testosterone, ego, and boos.)  He went on to ask me about how I felt about my body, and what I was looking for in someone else. I again explained to him, as I have with other men, that I am not “looking” for anything. If I was looking for something, knowing that I am an extremely determined individual,  I would have already found it in some way, shape, or form. I know what I am not looking for, but I try not to expect to find anything on my own. Situations/circumstances/people tend to find me just fine. I have never been one to search.

That said, and I digress, I am in no way a passive person. I definitely take charge of my life, and I make things happen for myself that I know I want to happen. I just don’t want to base the state of my happiness on my relationships with other people. Do you see the only child coming out in my words? (please nod yes) I am at a point where I am content with myself. Why fuck that up by “looking” for something or someone who would probably only exist in my head? Surprise me people.

Anyway, the strip club. Standard.

For me, this opens up the possibility that the modern interpretation of John 14:6 might only touch the surface of what Jesus was really saying and that the opportunity to dig deeper into the meaning brings us to a realization that this conversation wasn’t ever supposed to be some Calvinistic approach to how God might or might not work, but that it is solely about how important Jesus saw his relationship with Thomas, and also how important our relationship is to Him. See, I find it interesting that people within certain theological circles are willing to advocate that Christianity is about relationship and yet condone an almost mechanistic approach to their theology, so, I would ask, which one is it???

Due to my lack of interest in relationships, my non-existent need for sex, and my body type… I am harassed on a regular basis for being… myself. This is the only time I have ever written any material about sexuality and the problems that assumptions can place on innocent people.

I consider my sexuality… my business, if I wanted you to know I would talk directly to you about it. Sexuality shouldn’t be subject matter, ever. I refuse to ’shove’ my sexuality down the throat of people around me, I don’t expect for them to accept me for it, and I don’t expect them to interrogate me. However, I do expect them to have respect for diversity. Just because someone doesn’t like the same music as you, just because someone doesn’t like the same gender as you, and just because someone doesn’t enjoy the things that you enjoy… doesn’t mean you are given the right to infringe on their rights. Sexuality just isn’t conversation material. With all of this being said take a look at the all-too-often “chats” people blast me with.

(Out of respect for my own morals, I will not give out the screen name of the person that harassed me. “Do unto others as you wish unto yourself.”)

Here’s a SAMPLE :

[CENSORED] (11:58:24 PM): hey
rokonwiturcokon (11:58:35 PM): Hi
[CENSORED] (11:58:43 PM): nvm yoru gay
rokonwiturcokon (11:58:54 PM): Okay.
rokonwiturcokon (11:58:56 PM): If you say so. ;]
[CENSORED] (11:59:01 PM): i know so
rokonwiturcokon (11:59:05 PM): That’s good.
[CENSORED] (11:59:23 PM): i didnt know you could buy vampires at claires
rokonwiturcokon (12:00:03 AM): That’s… interesting I guess.
[CENSORED] (12:00:21 AM): yeah you fucking rainbow fruitcup
rokonwiturcokon (12:00:46 AM): LMFAO, that’s me.
[CENSORED] (12:01:59 AM): damn straight you fucking psycho
rokonwiturcokon (12:02:11 AM): I like that description.
[CENSORED] (12:02:25 AM): I am much stronger than you
rokonwiturcokon (12:02:25 AM): One of the fewer descriptions I’ve enjoyed.
[CENSORED] (12:02:29 AM): give up faggot
rokonwiturcokon (12:02:36 AM): Give up what?
[CENSORED] (12:02:40 AM): life
[CENSORED] (12:02:45 AM): shoot yourself
rokonwiturcokon (12:02:55 AM): I can’t do that…
rokonwiturcokon (12:03:03 AM): I’ve got too much to do here on Earth.
rokonwiturcokon (12:03:11 AM): Things like: cramming my sexuality down people’s throats.
rokonwiturcokon (12:03:30 AM): http://bit.ly/R5vni
[CENSORED] (12:03:38 AM): oh well if i wanted you to open your mouth i would have had my cock out
rokonwiturcokon (12:05:26 AM): Such hypocrisy…
[CENSORED] (12:07:27 AM): no im not gay unless im taking the dick
[CENSORED] (12:07:36 AM): so stfu edward
[CENSORED] (12:08:04 AM): go sparkle somewhere you glittery faggot
rokonwiturcokon (12:08:20 AM): accepting a blowjob without giving one in return makes you a hypocrit. (“if i wanted you to open your mouth i would have had my cock out”)
rokonwiturcokon (12:08:30 AM): I’m sparkling right where I’m at.
rokonwiturcokon (12:08:40 AM): It’s my overflowing gay pride, remember.
[CENSORED] (12:08:59 AM): yeah you twillight faggot vampire why dont you go get burnt at the stake
rokonwiturcokon (12:09:27 AM): Seeing as you don’t remember, I’ve got things to do here on Earth.
[CENSORED] (12:09:40 AM): lick suck dick i know
rokonwiturcokon (12:09:44 AM): I’ve got an overwhelmingly gay sexual orientation to cram down throats.
rokonwiturcokon (12:09:49 AM): and.. yes, that too.
rokonwiturcokon (12:09:51 AM): You know me well.
[CENSORED] (12:11:48 AM): yeah because im going to beat your ass
rokonwiturcokon (12:12:00 AM): That’s good… and you’ll succeed. :]
rokonwiturcokon (12:12:14 AM): I’ll let you.
[CENSORED] (12:12:18 AM): of course when i stab you with little thumb
rokonwiturcokon (12:12:47 AM): Sounds enjoyable.
[CENSORED] (12:13:11 AM): it wont be because i am going to break your arms and legs
rokonwiturcokon (12:13:42 AM): Rest In Peace Matthew Sheppard, I’ll obviously be joining you very soon.
[CENSORED] (12:14:15 AM): no im going to keep you alive to let you suffer
rokonwiturcokon (12:14:45 AM): soon enough, after all my suffering*
[CENSORED] (12:14:58 AM): i hope so
rokonwiturcokon (12:16:42 AM): How has your day been… up until you decided to tell me about how you plan on making me suffer?
[CENSORED] (12:17:09 AM): ive been amazing cuz i got to have sex with my gf
rokonwiturcokon (12:17:55 AM): That’s got to be refreshing?
[CENSORED] (12:18:08 AM): yeah
[CENSORED] (12:18:16 AM): but you wouldnt know
rokonwiturcokon (12:18:45 AM): No, I wouldn’t.
rokonwiturcokon (12:18:54 AM): I rely on straight folks like you to tell me what I’m not missing out on.
[CENSORED] (12:19:06 AM): no i knwo your not gay completely
rokonwiturcokon (12:19:39 AM): Well, seeing as we talked for months upon months and I made no advances… yeah.
rokonwiturcokon (12:19:48 AM): There was really no competition. I don’t like girls.
[CENSORED] (12:21:09 AM): yeah
rokonwiturcokon (12:22:00 AM): Why is that?
[CENSORED] (12:22:16 AM): because you will always lose

In some places in the chat I mentioned “cramming my sexual orientation down people’s throats”… that was a product of anger, but I tried my best not to give in or to give this person a ‘rise’.

I usually view people like this as someone that needs help more than myself, and often times, I’m right. So when people harass me I try my absolute best to keep control of my emotions while refusing to be anything other than myself.

But I truly wish, with every 11:11 that I encounter, people wouldn’t be so immature about things and would learn to live a happy and passive life.

Yesterday was weird, everywhere I went there was always a long discussion about whatever topic, and I felt like I was talking to morons. Because whenever I had anything to say, I had to dumb it down so they would understand. I couldn’t say things that they wouldn’t be able to accept, and their responses were so expected. So… default. It was like listening to a tape, a prerecorded program, like I was just hitting buttons on a vending machine, and I wasn’t getting my money’s worth.

I’d like to be dumb, or at least delusional, like everyone else who takes this illusion for reality. I’d like to be dumb, or at least be understood by the morons I seem to be surrounded by. I’d like to be dumb, or at least blind enough to follow a religion full of holes, an old denim worn for thousands of years, faded and torn, holes patched, but still holes nevertheless. I’d like to be dumb, or at least naive enough to accept beliefs that go against what I know to be true. I’d like to be dumb, or at least a little more like you.

Mistake 1: Pretend you can do without it.

You may have already run into the Graying Skeptics, executives who can’t understand why they should devote employee time and company resources to social media, and who dismiss Facebook and Twitter as fads that amount to little more than a waste of time and money.

Well, social media is here to stay, and the rocketing growth of some outlets makes it foolish to ignore them. Facebook, the largest, recently reached 300 million users worldwide — roughly the population of the United States. And the largest demographic is the 35 to 49 set that most businesses are eager to reach. So listen to Sebastian Gard of social marketing firm Context Optional when he says bluntly: “You’re going to have a social-media strategy whether you do it or not. It’s not up to you.”

“You’re going to have a social-media strategy whether you do it or not. It’s not up to you,” says Sebastian Gard of social marketing firm Context Optional.

Mistake 8: Underestimate the power of seemingly small efforts

Embracing social media isn’t about achieving specific goals so much as it is establishing a real bond with your customers. Rick Karp, president and “keeper of the karma” for the San Francisco-based Cole Hardware chain, recently announced via Twitter (@colehardware) that the company would exchange a particular water bottle suspected of chemical contamination — no questions asked. Within two weeks, consumers returned about 1,000 of the bottles. “We lost money, but we gained so much [for our brand] by virtue of our doing it,” he says. “I will do a lot to build our brand, regardless of whether it pays off immediately economically or not.”

“We wanted to have conversations with our consumers, who were already having these conversations themselves,” says David Puner, a communications manager at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Oscar: Meow!

Me: What?

Oscar: MEOW!

Me: puts plate of food on catmat

Oscar: Mrrrrp. starts eating food

Me: sits down at computer

Oscar: Meow! jumps up on desk and sits on computer

Me: removes cat, goes over to cat bowl, mushes up food with fork

Oscar: Mrrrrp. starts eating food

Me: sits down at computer

Oscar: Meow! jumps on desk and sits on computer

Me: Oi! removes cat, back to cat bowl, mushes up food again and puts bowl in kitchen on worktop

Oscar: Mrrrp! jumps up on worktop and starts eating food

Me: watches for a bit, then goes back to computer

Oscar: sitting on floor looking up at me Mrrrrp?

Me: goes back to kitchen, mushes food again

Oscar: Mrrrp. starts eating food

Me: goes back to computer

silence

small crash from lounge

Me: Oscar?

Oscar: Mrrrrp.

Me: goes into lounge. Cat sitting on posh record deck Oscar! NO!

Oscar: Meow.

Me: Oscar, NO!

Oscar: MEOW!

Me: Oscar, NO! picks up cat

Oscar: MEOW! bites hand

Me: Oscar! takes cat back to kitchen and puts on worktop in front of bowl

Oscar: Mrrrp. starts eating

Me: goes back to computer

Oscar: Mrrrp? tries to open lounge door, now shut MEOW!

Me: Oscar, no!

Oscar: MEOW! gets bored and goes upstairs

silence

small crash from upstairs

Me: Oscar? goes upstairs, can’t find cat Oscar?

Oscar: silence

Me: Oscar? eventually finds cat in bookshelf in spare room hiding behind another record deck, various bits and bobs on floor Oscar, NO!

Oscar: Mrrrp? comes out from behind record player and bolts out of spare room

Me: Oscar? follows cat into bathroom

Oscar: Mrrrp. settled on clean towels in airing cupboard, feigning sleep

[T and AM  chatting to the 16-year-old "business development consultant".]

16: So how old are you guys?
T: I’m 23 and she’s 21.
16: Really? That surprises me…
T: How old do you think we are then?
16: More like 18, 19.

Friday November 27, 2009 By Kevin Morrow

The following blog spawned from a conversation I had earlier today. I have changed the persons name to keep them anonymous, but this is the the actual text conversation.

anonymous female : “What you doing today?”

Me : “I’m with my family, what’s up?.”

Her: “Nothing im doin the same.”

Me: “Cool, I’m bout to lay down and warm myself up.”

Her: “Me to its cold.”

Me: “Yeah, looks like that means you’ll be up awhile…”

HER (will now be bold print) : “Yea if I stay awake.”
Me: Oh. I’m getting this weird vibe. What’s on your mind? How was dinner?
HER: Not much I’m hella bored and alone and dinner was aight and u?”
Me: Alone? And dinner was good.
HER:Yea alone no matter wat I do I feel like shit
Me: Wanna talk about it?
HER: I cant say how it feels I just always cry I wonder why I’m alive.
Me: You gotta find something that helps other people and yourself at the same time and you’ll start feeling better.
HER: I don’t know what to do.
Me: Try starting by believing that your life is not a waste. That’s just a lie that your believing.
HER: I feel that way nothing good comes to me nothin i’m a waste of air.
Me: What’s the purpose of thinking that?
HER: I don’t know really.
Me: There isn’t one. Not a single one. Fuck what anybody else says. What you think is what matters, you have to ask yourself what’s the purpose of the thoughts that make you feel like your lifes a waste. You’ll never find a good one…cuz your life is not a waste.
HER:I just feel like nothing goes right with me I cant explain how much I hurt everyday Kevin.
Me: You’ll have to start small to start changing that around.
HER: I try I do.
Me: Have you ever wanted to be psychic?
HER: Hell yeah who wouldn’t want to?
Me: A lot of people apparently lol. What would you do if you were?
HER: I don’t know tell what people are doing or whats going to happen.
Me: Would that make you feel better?
HER: A little bit.
Me: Dang. What would do more than a little bit? Money or something?
HER: Money hell yeah.
Me: How much money will make you feel better? 1,000 2,000 6,000…How much do you think?
HER: Millions
Me: Then what? After you get the millions?
HER: Buy what I need with no worries.
Me: What do you need?
HER: House cars ect…
Me: And all that will make you happy? Just like that?
HER: Yes
Me: Did you know that the same happy you feel when your dancing is the same happy you think youll have by getting money and cars and houses? Your the same you when you have money and when you don’t. You just convince yourself that your different.

If money will make you happy…you have to be happy before you can get the money that you want. That’s why it makes you sad.

HER: Dancing goes away but money and cars stay.
Me: Money and cars go away too. Money and cars don’t last forever.
Are you putting the value of who you really are in money cars and houses? What about the part of you that wants to be loved? Isn’t that part of you worth more than that?

HER: I’ll never be loved and I’m worth nothing.
Me: That’s bullshit, you know that’s not true. You wouldn’t want to change if you honestly believed that.
HER: To me its true I hate every part of myself if I had money I would use it to change myself.
Me: You hate every part of yourself because the things that you hate about yourself are not true.
HER: But I hate everything so whats left to love?
Me: Everything…your situation could be a lot worse…Right now your talking to me because you know that you can change how you feel about yourself, and you want to change how you feel about yourself. All I’m doing is reminding you how you got to think about yourself in the way you do now. The same way you got into how you feel about yourself, is the same way you will change it.
HER: I don’t know what to think anymore.
Me: What do you mean?
HER: I don’t know I’m just sick of life.
Me: But you don’t know why? What’s the point in being sick of life?
HER: Not wanting to enjoy it I don’t care about anything.
Me: That’s a point? You think that the point is not to care about anything? Then don’t care about the thoughts that make you feel bad.
HER: I try not to but the thoughts come to my mind.
Me: The thoughts aren’t real. They are what your mind creates to support what you feel and see in your life. It can be changed.
Do the people you hang out with feel the same way you do?
HER: Some of them.
Me: What’s the purpose of being friends with the ones who do? So yall can drink and complain and feel bad together?
HER: Basically that’s what happens.
Me: Exactly. Shouldn’t yall be helping each other to get out of the crap than staying in it together?
HER: Yeah but we don’t talk about it all the time.
Me: That’s good, you said you hate everything, but you just said something good.
HER: I did?
Me: You said yall don’t talk bad all the time. So that must mean you and your friends have fun right? Isn’t fun good?
HER: Yeah I always have fun but at the end of the night im back to life soo…
Me: You never left life when you were having fun. You just changed how you felt and thought about it. Its not like when your having fun you become someone else right? Or do you? Think about it…
HER: I kinda do become someone else when I’m drunk I forget who I am.
Me: You forget who you “think” you are. Cuz your not thinking when drunk. But it also depresses you cuz when the alcohol is done your back to “normal” but if your hating yourself your not really seeing yourself. Your seeing a lie.
Enough about this tonight though, we will talk about it later.

That ended the conversation because I was feeling drained. I felt like it was time to just end the conversation. That’s just how the flow went. I noticed that the conversation helped heal both of our minds.

Catching the Wave has been on hiatus this week, due to a combination of me being off at a Microsoft seminar all week and not really wanting to post while everybody’s busy with Thanksgiving.  It’ll resume next week.

In the meantime, though, I commend to you this article from siderea on LiveJournal.  She makes an excellent point that, while text is a more powerfully expressive medium for communication than it’s often given credit for, there are some essential conversational subtleties that are difficult or impossible to convey this way.

I’m curious about what people think about this, and particularly whether you think that there is any difference for up-tempo / synchronous modes of communication.  IMO she’s entirely correct for slower modes like LiveJournal, but I wonder if the extra subtleties of timing play into up-tempo.  For example, I’ve found that pauses in an IM conversation can be fraught with meaning; what other details are available there, and how much (if at all) can they help with the limitations she points out?