Working for a private company? Got some stock? Best of Luck figuring out the value without math.

Do you know how much your company is worth? If you work for a public company the answer is pretty easy — the stock market values your business every day. If you work for a private company it’s a bit harder. In this post we’ll discuss a technique that can be used to estimate the enterprise value of your private company.

Enterprise value is a financial concept that describes the amount of money the market believes your business to be worth. More here

Pigs Eating Pork – Not Quite Kosher or A Broad Market Approach!

When I first saw this commercial, it was at lightening speed on Tivo, so it didn’t click.  It only clicked when my 3 year old said he wanted to look at the pigs, so I slowed it down.  Not so glad I did, as I suspect this is offensive to whole populations by just the pork piece alone, but what about the cannibalism implications?

LOSERS! ZL Tech going to be a niche solution provider for a while I suspect, I wouldn’t pay the Gartner bill this year.

So while ZL clearly admits a short coming in marketing, which is the reason they aren’t leaders, thus the law suit, they might want to spend some time reflecting on the Ability to Execute concept when this is all over.

Never Met a PM I didn’t Like, well maybe a product manager or two…

I’ve never considered myself a people pleaser, but corporate politician or favor trader works, which is not inconsistent with the Tweets above.  Ultimately the activities, ownership and accountability for PM’s is a difficult thing when a company has all 4 of the PM’s types – Product Managers, Product Marketing, Project Managers and Program Managers.  On any given product, project or initiative all 4 can be involved and ownership can be difficult to discern and each may have some level of conflicting goals/motivations, but that is have the fun of being a PM.   So I’ve been stuck on the 4 PM concept for like 2 weeks since I talked to a friend…

I work in Corporate America. It’s small Corporate, but I’m there. I gotta be honest– I’m not a huge fan. Alas, it pays the bills.

When I was younger (like middle school age), I wanted to be a chef. I almost took culinary arts in high school, but the program was more geared toward kids who didn’t do well academically and probably wouldn’t go to college. So I went the traditional college prep route, with honors and AP courses– I was one of the kids who did well in school.

Through college, I would cook and bake whenever I had access to a kitchen. I wouldn’t consider myself a foodie by any stretch, but I love to try new foods and experiment with new recipes. I have lots of willing guinea pigs.

Since I graduated and started my corporate gig, the thought of going to culinary school has always been on my mind. I’ve already more or less decided against regular grad school or an MBA… the thought of more debt to finance a meaningless (to me) degree doesn’t really appeal.

What does appeal to me, though, is figuring out a way to go to culinary school and open my own bakery. I already have a name and a concept for it. I keep coming up with idea after idea of bakeries and shops and all that good stuff.

The problem is the whole paying-the-bills thing. The FI owns his own business, so until that takes off, we really need one steady income. That makes it a lot harder to go out on my own. I’m trying to figure out ways to get started based out of our kitchen on a part-time fun basis, but that’s in the very infant stages, and I’m concerned with the department of health regulations.

Back to the subject at hand: a dangerous discovery. I was peeking at my Twitter stream today and saw @eatboston’s tweet about the Cambridge Culinary School. Professional chef and professional pastry classes? Yes, please. Even better with the promise of night courses.

I don’t think I can afford to do it now (still haven’t checked tuition prices, but the whole paying-for-a-wedding thing puts a damper on any additional spending, especially when combined with the whole student loan/rent/utilities deal), but I’m thinking it might be worth checking out after we’re married.

I mentioned it to Mum the other night, and she surprisingly didn’t freak. I expected at least a little outburst along the lines of paying bazillions of dollars for my private college education, just to go open a dang bakery. The good thing is that if I decide to run my own business, I have a business education that will help me out.

What do you think? Have you ever realized you might be in the wrong field? What did you do?

Ah Fuck I am so broke that I am counting my change. I am so broke that I am blogging about counting my change.  I am far to broke to be comfortable.  If you are a regular client, if you have been wanting to play, if you just like my writing and would like to donate money to my tuition / suicide prevention fund now would be a great time to do it.

I am no stranger to trolling for a buck.  I have been in the sex industry for long enough that I’m not amused by mentioning how long it has been.  It is a time from that has crossed the threshold of “she knows what she’s doing” level of experience and become something more like “Geez why is she still doing this?”

The fact of the matter is that I am still doing this, trying to muster up enough money to pay my bills and get through school.  Granted I have finished college and because I am so good at school I want to get a PhD.  Bully for me.  I’m sure that to a lot of the people who no longer speak to me because of this decision I must seem like a spoiled brat.  I’m not.

Today I am counting my change.  I don’t have any more matte, my preferred caffeinated beverage, though last year I bought several kilos of black tea, it’s too jittery for my liking and I can’t drink it without soy milk and sugar.  I have some sugar but I’m out of soy milk.  I’m gonna count up my change and go buy some soy milk.  I don’t have (and haven’t had) enough money to do my laundry in months.  It’s in the back of my car, a purchase that I had to suck up and make as socal was simply dehumanizing without one.  My car is bigger than my apartment so for the time being it is my laundry room.

Back to my lack of mullah.  Grad school is a level of poverty that I’m not sure I can cope with.  I can’t afford food so I’m 50 lbs lighter than I was a year ago.  Woo Hoo – smart and skinny.  If you are at all interested in the horrible economic situation in California you might be aware that a lot of money was cut from our school system. Almost 600 million dollars – cut.   Fuck.  I’m a thousand dollars short of my tuition.  I have to have it by Friday.  I don’t have any food.  My laundry is filthy – I’m in fact wearing the same pair of socks that I put on (dirty) Monday.  The situation is fucking disgusting.  I feel like I am living in a third world country.  I am currently sitting in a coffee house, using the internet connection because I can not afford to have service in my apartment, and I feel like they are gonna catch on to the fact that I am simply reusing the paper cup.  I live close by so I have been refilling the cup with tea from home, using it as a VIP pass to sit in the coffee house for hours on end.  I don’t even have enough money to buy a cup of tea in a coffee house.  This is truly awful.

I think I’m pretty hip, though I have no friends and my family won’t talk to me.  I’m smart and skinny.  I’m well read and can make you feel intellectually inadequate.  My perversions are world class.  Why then am I so fucking broke?  Do I have a drug habit?  I wish.  I have an education habit.  I could spend my time being a good internet dominatrix – hanging around waiting to prey upon the next submissive who appears, but I’m reading a ton of feminist and linguistic theory instead.  I read over twenty books this week, wrote a pretty stellar paper about the patriarchy inherent in the USAmerican English language and on Friday I have to go tot the cashiers office with a thousand bucks I don’t have.  Wanna support my education habit?  Wanna take me to the grocery store?  Wanna be pissed on at the beach this afternoon?  Something – anything to amuse me, distract me from my hunger – something.

Anyone got a bone to toss my way?

I know that the Christmas fucking decorations just went up which means that your fucking offspring are gonna get to believe in Santa and that I am gonna end up stealing food before the year is over.  I really don’t want to have to steal food.  That might be my breaking point.

I’m pretty sure that I am suffering from some sort of malnutrition.  I ran out of vitamins a couple weeks ago.  I am tired and dizzy and sometimes my vision gets a little blurred.  But school is great.

Is this what it takes to acquire an education in this country?  Hunger?  Really – wow.  I am horrified and scandalized to my very core.   My parents are not interested in helping.  They never gave me a dime for school.  I paid for my private liberal arts education by myself.  I have a mountain of debt and a love of learning.  Loving school is not very highly valued in this nation, I fear it is even lower in national values that being an artist is – at least if you are a performance artist you are fostering the nationwide acceptance of cultivating your personality and potentially becoming famous.  This is what we value – the quest for pointless fame.  If we should want to read, question the power structure, if we want to become a nation of well educated individuals I suppose then that we deserve to be hungry.

That is what I am learning in graduate school.

So how bout it – wanna take me to the supermarket and the laundry mat?

This morning on the news blips it was announced that a Florida woman was awarded 300 MILLION by a jury in Miami.

TRUE:  Philip Morris intentionally hid the dangers of smoking from the American public.  This was inherently wrong and deceitful.  They should be punished for these actions.

However, I have one problem with this:  smoking is an individual choice.  People choose to continue smoking after their first cigarette…., dizziness and puking aside.  Even though their body is trying to tell them that what they are doing IS poison, they do it anyway.

Some people have an easier time quitting than others.  I was lucky;  I stopped and never picked up another one.  Of course, I had some help too – I couldn’t breathe and was suffering from what the doctor termed as ‘reactive asthma’.  I had to make a choice between smoking or breathing.  I chose the latter.

Ms. Naugle unfortunately was not like me.  Despite several attempts, she finally quit after over 25 years.  Sadly, today she is crippled by emphysema, unable to walk but a few steps before getting out of breath.  Her plight is a testament to the millions of ex-smokers, myself included, who have suffered permanent damage from smoking.

Yes, I firmly believe that Ms. Naugle should be compensated, but $300 million – which I am sure she will not get after legal fees and other encumbrances to the amount -  is a bit out of line.  True – she suffers daily and probably will have a much shorter life had she not smoked for so many years.  As Richard Daynard, professor of law at Northwestern University said, “Large verdicts encourage other large verdicts.”

This goes back to another rant that I posted on lawsuits.  “Stupidity Clause in Lawsuits” and the page on “Why The Responsibility Rant?”

It breaks my heart that there are millions like Ms. Naugle, but it also goes back to responsibility;  I do not negate her condition, and Philip Morris needs to be punished.

Now someone needs to take on the food companies because they are equally responsible for poisoning the American public!

Nuff said!

Tired of hearing about the bad economy and unemployed workers? Well get used to it, and while you are at it go ahead and add the employed workers to the list. Librarians should be prepared for the next wave of information seekers: the workers who are left behind. These are the workers who are still employed, and who are being told that they are the lucky ones. These are the workers who get to do the extra work since the company has downsized. These are the workers that are having benefits and rights taken away, while getting more and more duties added to their job descriptions. These workers are the ‘lucky ones’.

Are corporations playing fair? Or are they using the bad economy to some extent as an excuse to further maximize profits and workers output? According to Art Wittmann, “what beat-down, disillusioned, burned-out employees need today is a belief that management knows that “business as usual” just plain sucks right now, and that it has a vision for how things will be different – and better – in the future.”

Wittmann suggest three things that management can do to help alleviate this situation.

1. Don’t try to BS your way out of an honest appraisal of the state of your business and its near-term prospects.
2. Start talking about what the future improvements will look like. Don’t make hiring promises that you won’t be able to keep.
3. Start to plan how you’ll do things differently from and better than your competition.

Librarians can also help this burnt out workforce by preparing them to search for new jobs or explore new careers via Web 2.0 tools such as Twitter or LinkedIn.  Perhaps even some of these newly learned Web 2.0 tools could help them in them become more efficient in their current jobs, making their life just a little bit easier, while at the same time adding some valuable skills to their resume.

Hopefully corporate America will become sensitive to their employees’ plights, and take sincere actions to improve, or at the very least acknowledge, their employees stressfully overloaded situations. Companies not addressing these potentially hazardous situations have a very short sighted stance, and are endangering everyone’s future by ensuring an overburdened and burnt out workforce.

References:

Wittmann, A.. (2009, August). ‘I’d Rather Work Anywhere Else’. InformationWeek,(1239), 46.  Retrieved November 18, 2009, from ABI/INFORM Global. (Document ID: 1862293081).

People keep telling me I should turn my unemployment into a funemployment. Even my wife, who has been forced to adjust to a husband that rarely wears pants, thinks I need to enjoy my time “off” more.

A friend of mine has been unemployed for about eight months now. He plays tennis, and meets old friends for lunch. He’s reading more books, and embarking on home improvement projects.

He’s celebrating funemployment.

Like so many others, this friend has told me countless times that I should lighten up and take advantage of my new-found free time.

This is easier said than done.

There are over 141,800 unemployed St. Louisans right now.

It’s a hot topic…a trendy topic…

Countless articles have been dedicated to productive ways to turn unemployment into funemployment—a word far too cute for the circumstances it involves.

It’s hard to take such words to heart, considering they were written by someone who has a job.

They tell me to seize the day, and see my time off as a blessing in disguise.

The Urban Dictionary defines funemployment as “The condition of a person who takes advantage of being out of a job to have the time of their life. I spent all day Tuesday at the pool; funemployment rocks!”

No. No it doesn’t. This is no paycation.

They tell us that funemployment is a great opportunity to (re)evaluate our lives—to revisit the eternal question of our pioneering youth; what do you want to be when you grow up?

They call it a second chance at fulfillment—an opportunity to start an entirely new career path. A chance to learn new and interesting skills.

But I did all that the last time I was unemployed, and it wasn’t fun then, either. Essentially, it means I’m unemployed from twice as many jobs.

They tell us we deserve to have fun, but why? Where does this sense of entitlement come from? Ours is a narcissistic culture; we’re a self serving lot.

I am not a man of leisure. Would that I were but…

I need to feel as if I am contributing something to the world—that I’m the one driving the bus, rather than merely a passenger who forgot which stop is his.

How can I allow myself to have fun when my life is up in the air? I hardly feel I deserve to go play frisbee golf when I’m not sure how I’ll be paying my bills six months from now. How can I enjoy the next ten minutes when I’m worried about the next ten years?

It’s not fun to worry about your mortgage.

It’s not fun to put your life on hold.

Job hunting is not fun.

Maybe they’re all just trying to find the silver lining on a very dark and ominous storm cloud—they say if you love the time you’ve wasted then you haven’t wasted your time…but…

Fun has lost its meaning without work for comparison—it’s like pushing a boulder without the mountain.

President Barack Obama has done it again – behaved like a school boy, out to get the approval of his minders. This is his third faux pas – if one may call it that. The first one was before his trip to Britain when he pointedly mentioned that he was looking forward to meeting the Queen. The American president was relegated to the back row while Lula de Silva and Prime Minister Gordon Brown had the honor of standing by the side of the Queen. His obvious eagerness at meeting the Queen was construed as his weakness and Barack found himself standing at the back row for the photo op.

The second was when he met King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia and gave a deep bow to the man clasping his hand with both of his (photo below). The third was when he again bowed deeply to the Emperor of Japan (photo above). The boy in Barack refuses to grow up. It seems he is looking for approval all the time. It also shows the innate goodness of the man and his simplicity. He is trying hard, as is his family to behave ‘presidential’ but such slips and obvious acquiescence give the game away. I hope Barack Obama realizes that HE and no one else is the emperor of the world. It is America that calls the shots. It is America that is the hyper-power and no other nation. And that he is the leader of the most powerful nation of the world. That it is President Barack Hussein Obama that should be bowed to, feted and indulged by the heads of other nations, including such titular heads as the ‘Emperor of Japan’ and the ‘King of Saudi Arabia’. The boy in him is unable to realize this simple fact.

His recent visit to China has gone on expected lines. Except for some kind of broad agreement on climate change, it appears from the sound bites emanating from Beijing that not much has been achieved. President Hu Jintao in his address pointed out that the US should treat China as an equal partner. He also expectedly harped on the One China policy. The Chinese have taken a hawkish stand vis-à-vis the United States and this should surprise no one. President Obama’s declaration that Tibet was a part of China maybe an endorsement of the stand taken by earlier regimes but it is not clear as to what he has gotten in return for mouthing such conciliatory tone for a nation that has given little. The Taiwanese question was also soft pedaled by President Obama. Nations of the west and even those in the vicinity of China do not realize that one needs to be hard as nails to be able to get ones way with the Chinese. These are one of the most consummate bargainers in the world and have a history and culture that is time immemorial. It is not clear as to what concessions the Chinese have given the Americans. They have refused to rectify the unnatural under-valuation of the yuan. The balance of payment is heavily in China’s favor and that is worrying Washington. The Dragon is breathing fire. That is when the Chinese depend so heavily on the demand from the west for their factories and their economy to remain afloat. They know that the west cannot get a better deal than what they get in China and there is no nation that can compete with them when it comes to manufacturing. They are talking from a position of strength, as they always have.

The Chinese ambitions are sky high. They have sent a cosmonaut in space and that is as high as they want to go. Their ambitions are soaring as are their expectations. It was not a warm meeting, the meeting of friends. There was frostiness in the air when the two leaders spoke. The Chinese ambitions can be gauged from the fact that the Chinese want to replace the American dollar as the world reserve currency. It is true that the Chinese have the largest foreign currency reserves in the world amounting to almost two trillion dollars. The Japanese foreign currency reserves are the second largest. The Chinese have also supported the American spending by purchasing American Treasury Bonds worth more than a trillion dollars. These facts are no doubt very impressive. But does that mean that the American economy is in doldrums and that the American Dream is over?

One glance at the Fortune 500 list tells anyone with commonsense that the American behemoth is chugging along nicely and is only growing in strength. The one company Apple is going to touch a trillion dollars in sales in the foreseeable future. The world’s largest companies in terms of turnover and assets are all American. Exxon-Mobil is the largest company in the world in terms of sales and General Electric is the largest company in the world in terms of profits. There are hundreds of American companies that have a turnover of billions of dollars and many are such companies that most of us who are outside of the US have never heard of. They cater mostly to the domestic market including Canada and have such high sales that they do not need to look beyond their borders. The Americans do not ‘specialize’ in any one field. A glance at their list of top companies is enough for anyone to realize that they are present in every conceivable field, from oil and gas, pharmaceuticals, chemicals and fertilizers, retail, defense and motors and machinery to just about anything under the sun. Then there are such investment banks as Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Berkshire Hathaway and others that have interests in companies around the world including European, Japanese and Indian companies. American corporate presence is much more than the oft mentioned two colas – Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola. The American monolith is way too big for anyone to fully decipher.  For the Chinese to even contemplate a replacement of the dollar with any other currency or floatation of an international currency to replace the dollar is ambitious at best and downright hideous at worst.  It shows the Chinese cheekiness, their cockiness and absolute disregard for any international norms. They are being way too ambitious for their own good without acknowledging the ground realities.

The economic strength of the US is its back bone. The military strength is the other facet of American might. The American technology in the field of arms and ammunitions is by far the best in the world. They have the most powerful army in the world with a capacity to strike the remotest corners of the world at any given time with the most lethal weapons that humans can think of. They also have a presence in all the continents of the globe in the form of military bases that they nurture to their strategic advantage. Many of these military bases are in friendly countries that pay the Americans for their presence and for their ‘security umbrella’. It is said that the United States has more than a thousand military bases across the globe from advanced countries like Australia and Germany to such unlikely of places as Khazakastan (the actual number and location is a well guarded secret). In short, the American presence is just about everywhere. The other fact is that this hyper-power is only increasing in steam with every passing day. I know these are bad times and unemployment in the US is touching almost ten percent but this is just a passing phase. Good times are just around the corner and pundits are forecasting a boom like one that the world has never experienced before.

The Americans have invested heavily in science and technology. The best universities and research facilities are in the US and Europe. The most number of patents that are being applied for come mostly from the US and the western world. These are intellectual property rights that give a steady income to those who own them. The west is sitting pretty in this critical field too.

The American secret service is such that they have made and broken many a political careers around the globe. The head of the CIA is perhaps the second most powerful man on earth. They are undoubtedly one of the most feared secret services in the world! They may be answerable to the American Senate but even that is under strict secrecy.  And they all are at the beck and call of the President of the United States.

And then the Americans have a president who shows a childlike eagerness to meet the Queen of Britain and bows down to an Emperor who will be without clothes were the Americans to withdraw their forces from the island nation of Japan. He also does an elaborate bow to a Middle Eastern Sheikh turned King who would be overthrown the minute the Americans withdraw their pleasure from His Highnesses high office. President Barack Hussein Obama needs a reality check – of a different kind. Will somebody please tell him who he really is and which nation he represents? Long live the Emperor of Emperors Barack Hussein Obama!!!

Update 19.11.2009: ‘China has launched the serial production of J-10, J-11 and FC-1 fighter jets, which are rip-offs of Russia’s Su-27/30 and MiG-29 aircraft. The nation intends to build and sell not less than 1,200 planes at the prices which will be much lower than those of the Russian planes.

	F-16  Fighter jet
	.

The report is not the news for the Russian defense industry. In 2003, China refused to prolong the license for the production of Su-27CK planes and started working on the construction of its own jet – a copy of the Russian analogue. China will put competitive pressure on Russia on the market of spare parts too.

Beijing plans to challenge Russia on its traditional defense industry markets and become the maker of inexpensive and efficient air materiel. Malaysian military officials have already expressed their readiness to cooperate with China at this point. A senior official of Malaysia’s Air Force said that his nation was going to purchase a batch of spare parts to Russian fighter jets from China.’ Source: Pravda, Moscow.

Sample this:

‘The USA refused to sell 66 multi-purpose F-16C/D fighters to Taiwan because of the concerns of the Chinese administration, The Taipei Times wrote. Indeed, why would such a small country as Taiwan need such a large batch of fighter jets?

China has changed the balance of forces to its own advantage during the recent 15 years in the region. China’s Air Force presumably consists of Russian-made Su-27 and Su-30 aircraft. The country also uses its own fourth-generation F-10 aircraft. This fighter is a combination of the technologies used in Russia’s Su-27 and USA’s F-18.‘

Source: Pravda, Moscow

I just hope the west realizes who they are dealing with. There was a photo that I saw of a Rolls Royce that was a replica of the original and which was made in China. The manufacturers were horrified but the Chinese saw nothing wrong with this. China has the dubious distinction of being the nation that has the highest number of users of pirated software. Companies like Microsoft lose billions of dollars every year to this menace. Russians have refused to sell China the Su 33 fighter jet, fearing that the Chinese will make a copy of that too!

I may add that the J-10 fighters (replicas of Su 27) are now being sold to Pakistan in a billion dollar deal, disregarding the fact that the design and technology is copied. For Obama to wilt under pressure and deny Lockheed Martin a multi billion dollar deal was not a smart move. It sends a wrong signal to the world, besides the news is that the French have no such hangups and are selling Taiwan Mirage 2000 -V fighters. American loss is French gain. Bad politics, bad economics President Obama!!!

Obama administration has done the unthinkable. The Sino-US Joint Declaration after the meeting between the two sides mentioned China’s ‘monitoring’ role in South Asia, especially with regards to the Indo-Pak relationship. This is not a concession to China, this is a ridiculous approach to the regional geo-politics. The State Department is going to town ‘clarifying’ that the bilateral relations between India and the US are not dependant on the US relations with any third nation, but the damage has been done. New Delhi has stated very clearly that there will be no ‘third party’ mediation in its relations with Islamabad. Indians are flummoxed by the new American administration approach. This has undone what all had been achieved during the Bush regime. This is surely not the best start to the upcoming Prime Minister Manmohan Singh’s US visit.  A nation of copycats is at best a paper tiger, or in this case, a paper dragon. For any nation big or small not to see this through says a lot about that nation and its leadership.

Update 20.11.2009: Riyaz Wani reports that: ‘Hurriyat chairman Mirwaiz Umar Farooq — engaged in “quiet” diplomacy with New Delhi — is going to China after his travel to Pakistan later this year on Islamabad’s invitation. ”Yes, I will visit China soon,” Mirwaiz told The Indian Express. He said he had been invited by the Han Foundation, a Chinese “NGO” to talk about “Muslim” issues. “It is basically a Muslim NGO,” Mirwaiz said.

Mirwaiz, sources said, is likely to meet the meet diplomats and administrators in Beijing to give them his “perspective” on the situation in Kashmir. This comes at a time when the US-China statement on India-Pakistan relations prompted the MEA yesterday to say that there was no third-party role in bilateral relations with Pakistan.’

This is a new development for the Kashmir dispute. India cannot but scoff at such moves. However, in a way, this completes the circle. As the Kashmir dispute is really a tripartite issue any way. The Chinese I am sure will be asked by the Mirwaiz as to by when they are going to vacate the Shaksgam Tract that has been given to them illegally by Pakistan. India will keep a close watch at the developments. Thank you Washington for this latest gift. And we thought that we were standing up for the free world!!!

Update 23.11.2009: The Prime Minister of India, Manmohan Singh has said that there is no substitute for the dollar as the world reserve currency. He remarked that the present downturn is a temporary phase and this will pass. He further said that similar conjectures were being made in the sixties but the dollar prevailed. The Prime Minister is on an official visit to the United States.

This past September, the well loved ice cream company Ben and Jerry decided to support the same-sex marriage cause by renaming their famous ice cream flavor Chubby Hubby; its new name is, appropriately, Hubby Hubby. This kind of thing seems to be happening more and more in corporate America. The Human Rights Campaign has decided to publicly applaud corporations that have been donating to their cause on their website. By doing so, the HRC is encouraging people buy from these LGBT-friendly corporations, which will hopefully have an effect on other corporations’ practices.

In high school, I heard a saying from one of my teachers…
“There are people who make things happen. People who watch things happen. And then there are those people who ask ‘what happened?’ “

While everyone laughed when they heard this, it was interesting to take a look at it from the perspective of everyone thinking they were the ones who make things happen. It was also funny to see that everyone automatically assumed that the people who asked, ‘what happened?’ were lazy people who were clueless and out of touch with the world.

But as life went on, I learned to honor the fact that sometimes you can’t always be making things happen. Sometimes you have to watch things happen because it is what you observe that can help you see a new direction you are supposed to take things. And if you are always so busy making things happen, you’re too busy to watch things happen and then you end up becoming the very person who asked ‘what happened?’
Take a look at the housing industry, the banking industry, Corporate America, Enron, 9/11, GM and even Global Warming.

You can have a bunch of people rallying to save the world, but then no one is actually doing it. You can have people be so busy pointing fingers when things go wrong, but then no one is minding the store. You can have people watch all this and sit back and do nothing. And you can also have a world so ‘in their own world’ – they are missing the very things that caused all these things to happen and they are now sitting back and asking ‘what the heck happened?’

Birds have a very interesting world. They sit, they watch the world. Sometimes they hunt. Sometimes they are the prey. But a lot of the times, they sit and watch what is happening. And if something is happening and they either need to get away from it or go toward it, they fly.

While we humans are not born with wings to fly we can change our own flight pattern by taking a bit more time to sit and watch what is happening. People who panic tend to do rash things and ultimately cause an unnecessary domino effect in this world. People who think they are invincible, sit too long and then end up becoming victims.

There is another saying…. “suit up and show up, s**t or get off the pot.” And that has its place in life, too.
John Mayer’s song “Waiting For The World To Change” used to get me upset…. Part of the song is true and I comprehend his generation’s thinking there was nothing that could be done to change the world. But there is an echo that I hear, or rather, yhe Mother Teresa screams I hear from afar that beg to differ. “We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop,” which basically say Mayer’s song is a copout.

Hmm…
As the birds watch what is happening, and continue to breed and fly,
As they watch their eggs get eaten, or their new babies simply die….
In the world that is changing, where life on earth is tough,
They simply live life each day and, that is truly enough.
The birds will sit and reflect, who knows what they really see.
They observe and help us realize, the best things in life are free.

© 2009 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster
http://www.braingasm.com

Slavery still exists in this world — always has.  Corporate America is worried that they might not be able to profit off of slavery in the future.  *sad face*

HT: ThinkProgress

I’ve been married for over ten years now. My wife and I have been together even longer. Once I found that special someone to spend holidays with, someone I could fart in front of while sitting on the couch in my underwear, rife with the knowledge that she’ll be there tomorrow and the next day—well, I thought I was in the clear. I thought I was retired from the dating scene.

Foolish mortal.

I’m unemployed. I used to be just another corporate soldier, entrenched in the front line of the cola wars, sitting in my fabric-lined cubicle wearing my corporate casual uniform.

Now, I’m just another casualty. I wear a bathrobe all day, and haven’t shaved in over a month. A day once filled with meetings and busy work now consist of job hunting and old episodes of the Rockford Files.

It’s amazing how much unemployment is like my bachelorhood—only with less internet porn.

The similarities between dating and job hunting are rather uncanny. Finding a job is just like trying to pick up a strange woman at a bar.

It’s true.

Instead of a pickup line, you have a cover letter—dates are replaced with interviews.

Being fired is akin to being dumped for someone better looking, and getting laid off is the professional equivalent of “It’s not you, it’s me…we can still be friends.”

And of course, there’s the hiring process.

That first interview is like a blind date—you met on the internet and seem to have a lot in common…You clean yourself up and watch what you say; you find yourself acting a little more polite than normal. You conceal your bad habits and pop breath mints like candy.

You pray they ask you out on a second date.

And when you get home, stomach full of butterflies, body a buzz, you wonder just how long you should wait before calling. You don’t want to seem desperate or psycho.

Sometimes they lead you on—you think you’re about to get lucky but it turns out they’re just not that into you; it’s the corporate equivalent of a tease.

Sometimes they say they’ll call, but never do, as you sit and stare at the phone for weeks—waiting, wondering what you might have done wrong.

It has been said that everyone has a soul mate out there, just waiting to be found. In the arena of love, I know this to be true; my wife reaffirms this belief almost every single day.

Let’s just hope the same can be said of careers—I’m not cut out for the bachelor life.

In the meantime, I just keep pushing that boulder up the mountainside, trying to make it to the top.

It’s any random Tuesday morning, and you’re sick.

But you’re a trooper. You’re dedicated to your job.

So you bite the bullet and go to work, feeling like crap. Complete and utter crap. You sit at your desk, in your open cubicle inside an office with windows that never open, breathing recycled air—coughing, sneezing and sniffling.

But you’re a dedicated worker. You want your coworkers to know the sacrifice you’ve made to keep the corporate machine oiled and running. So you cough a little louder, blow your nose a little more often. You remind everyone that you feel like crap, but you’re not going to let that affect your work…

Guess what?

You are neither a martyr nor a saint when you come to work sick. You are nothing more than a liability to everyone around you.

It’s a precarious time to celebrate the common cold—the news outlets have the world believing that every time you cough you’re one step closer to the grave. Every sneeze is a sign that the H1N1 is upon us.

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Go to Facebook and every other status update is about how someone fears their child has the swine flu when in reality, it’s the beginning of cold season.

People so desperately want to be a part of whatever’s popular, even if it’s a global pandemic. They just want to be included.

But this isn’t about the general populace’s susceptibility to fads. I could wax poetic for days about Reality TV and iPhones, but that is an angry rant in and of itself.

No, this is about common courtesy.

Swine Flu or not, if you’re sick stay home. Period. I don’t care how many vacation days you have left or why you’re saving them. I don’t give a damn about your deadlines.

Selfish as it may seem, all I care about is my own well being.

If you’re sick stay home.

Don’t breathe on me, don’t touch the bathroom door handle, don’t grace me with your presence in the lunch room. Just. Go. Home.

Take a bath, lay on the couch in your comfy clothes eating luke warm soup watching Judge Judy—I don’t care. Your deadlines will still be there in a few days. The world does not stop turning when you stay home.

But mine just might if you don’t.

A career has been chosen for me by the willing corporate Gods.  I am to be a perma-temp. 

Today was day two of my temping job, and let me just say this:  if you have a nomadic spirit and a penchant for collecting office supplies without getting caught, then TEMPING IS FOR YOU.  These jobs are dreams.  You show up, you work from 9-5, and no one expects any real quality from you.  So, when I manage to remember to pick up the phone and make copies for the meeting, I’ve far surpassed my expected temp qualifications, and thus am greatly appreciated by the executives.  What a joy!

I exaggerate to make my point (as my Mom likes to say), but it is absolutely fascinating to me to be on “the other side” of things in an office.  That is to say, any other time I’ve been working – Wall Street, advertising, etc – I’ve been on a career “path” and thus playing the game.  (Though, at Goldman… not very well we can agree.)  The game meaning “do I look busy?” “am I doing enough to prove my value?” ”who is the last person in the office at night, is it me, should it be me, oh why must my Asian colleagues be such night owls?!?” … and so on.

And now I’m an admin.  And a temporary admin, at that.  I stayed late this evening because I had some time to kill and all the other admins (and execs) were like “get out of here!” “It’s past 5pm!”  The proverbial dinosaur tail had unfolded from the Flinstone’s and was welcoming me with open scales.  Incredible.

But here’s the truly incredible part.  I’ve never been so efficient.  The day flies by.  When there’s not this nonsense of “oh, I better do facetime” it becomes about going in, getting your work done, and going home.  All of my admin buddies are this way.  They get in, they work hard all day, and they go home.  These women are the epitome of corporate efficiency. 

Mercedes, the woman for whom I will temp for while she is out on maternity leave, never once checks her personal email.  She’s not on gossip sites, checking blogs, or facebook.  I could stand to take a pagina from her libro so to speak.  Why have we become so lazy at work, and so complacent with giving up our lives to do things for 12 hours a day that could easily be done in 8?  All hail the temp agency and the life lessons it has taught me.  And the new material I’m undoubtedly gaining from this experience…

This is big news and it could mean very bad things for us “little people.” Credit cards rates will skyrocket, along with other bank interest rates such as your mortgage. What’s next? With all the shootings and cries of “terrorism” it could be martial law. This bears watching and following in the news…

From Huffington Post

Ryan Grim

First Posted: 11- 5-09 05:59 PM   |   Updated: 11- 6-09 05:38 PM

Amid the ongoing financial regulation overhaul, the banking industry is hoping to pull off a quiet power grab that has eluded its grasp since the Great Depression, by stripping the independence of the board that sets financial accounting standards.

The move could effectively let banks set their own accounting standards in rough economic times.

Astonishingly, at a time when the public is crying out for greater regulation to limit excessive risk-taking by financial institutions, the banks are trying to get Congress to agree that the next time there’s a big downturn, they should have the ability to alter their accounting standards — essentially, fudge the numbers — so that the public and investors won’t be able to tell how insolvent they really are. By ignoring their declining asset values, they can avoid the standard requirement of raising more capital.

The mechanism is contained in an amendment set to be introduced in mid-November by Rep. Ed Perlmutter (D-Colo.) that would move final authority over the Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB) from the Securities and Exchange Commission to a new body, a so-called “oversight” board, that would include the officials charged with managing systemic risks to the financial markets.

These regulators would have the authority to override FASB’s accounting guidelines by taking into account economic conditions.

The move is so radical that it has split corporate America. The bankers and members of Congress who support it have earned themselves an unlikely enemy: the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.

A typical business or investor, after all, prefers honest, independent accounting, because they buy and sell real things based on real value.

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“Washington isn’t thinking straight,” said Josh Rosner, managing director of Graham, Fischer & Co, a New York-based financial analyst who advises regulators and institutional investors. “Financial statements are for the benefit of investors.”

Indeed, allowing banks to alter accounting standards when they run into trouble is incentive to take more risk and, in essence, institutionalizes fraud. The regulators would now be under enormous political pressure — and sometimes under direct orders — to allow banks to remain in business long after they’ve become insolvent, in the hopes that things will turn around and they’ll grow again.

And rather than stabilize the system, removing accounting independence destabilizes it in the long run, as investors and other banks have little confidence in the veracity of financial statements.

Perlmutter told the Huffington Post that under his proposal, the FASB “would stay with the SEC, but in instances where an accounting procedure or a way it’s being implemented poses a threat to the financial system by exaggerating what’s going on — is pro-cyclical to a point that it, too, threatens the system — then the financial regulator, the systemic regulator, could look in to it.

“For virtually every situation you can think of, there’s no change, but [there would be a change] in the event that there’s a threat to the system, like the dysfunctional market we had from October through March, and that the accounting procedures just didn’t fit for a system where there was no market,” Perlmutter said.

Leslie Oliver, a spokeswoman for Perlmutter, said backers of the amendment haven’t been surprised at the opposition from certain sectors of corporate America.

“That’s understandable for a company that has tangible assets,” she said. Perlmutter said he has yet to hear directly from the Chamber.

That the banking industry finds itself in opposition to large sectors of the business community is evidence that a historic power struggle for control of the economy is underway.

The issue is stirring up the House Financial Services Committee. “It’s caused a great deal of controversy,” said committee chairman Barney Frank (D-Mass.). Frank has yet to take a position, he said, waiting until Perlmutter finishes meeting with members of the committee. “I told him I would wait until he finishes his conversations,” Frank told HuffPost.

FASB is fighting to keep its independence. “The amendment that’s being considered represents a shift that threatens to fundamentally challenge the objectives of financial accounting and politicize the process and harm financial system,” said FASB spokesman Neal McGarity. “The mission of bank regulators is to ensure the safety and soundness of the banking system. We have a different mandate. That’s why this is of considerable concern.”

A powerful subcommittee chairman already opposes it. “I’m for keeping the independent FASB and I see no reason to change it,” Rep. Paul Kanjorski told HuffPost.

The Chamber joined with investors and auditors in opposing the Perlmutter amendment.

From a letter sent to top committee members by representatives of the Center For Audit Quality; the Chamber of Commerce; and the Council of Institutional Investors:

“By placing the FASB under the jurisdiction of a structure charged with managing systemic risks to the financial markets, accounting rules will be viewed though the narrow lens of a few large companies from specific industries, rather than considerate of the applicability of financial reporting policies to over 15,000 public companies. Such a narrow focus can skew standards such that it makes understanding of transactions that businesses engage in on a daily basis more difficult and undermine the confidence of investors. We believe that the SEC has been and continues to be best suited to provide the oversight of the FASB for such a broad and diverse economy.”

The American Bankers Association stands on the other side. “A Systemic Risk Oversight Council could not possibly do its job if does not have oversight authority over accounting rulemaking,” top bank lobbyist Ed Yingling testified before the committee on October 29. “This is a major deficiency in the draft legislation. Accounting policies are increasingly and profoundly influencing financial policy and the basic structure of our financial system. Thus, accounting standards must now be part of any systemic risk calculation. To do anything less creates the potential to undermine any action taken to address a systemic risk. The Financial Accounting Standards Board should continue to function as it does today, but it should no longer report only to the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). The SEC’s view is simply too narrow. Accounting policies contributed to the crisis, as has now been well documented, and yet the SEC is not charged with considering systemic and structural effects.”

Yingling said the ABA “strongly supported” the approach taken by Perlmutter. “We thank Representatives Perlmutter and [Frank] Lucas [R-Okla.] for their foresight and leadership on this critical issue.”

While the big banks would be pleased by the change, Frank said, the major push has come from community banks. Perlmutter said that his amendment was one of the community bankers’ highest priorities.

Community banks are a popular and powerful political force in Congress. They didn’t heavily trade the exotic products that nearly brought down the global economy; they received little in the way of bailout money; they don’t give multi-billion-dollar bonuses; they tend to take more responsibility for loans that they issue; and they’re generally respected members of the local community.

“Many members of the committee are supportive of community banks,” said Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.), one of the most progressive members of the committee and a subcommittee chair. “The big banks have been such an outrageous, scandalous story about how they operate and what they have done that we tend to want to support the community banks in whatever they ask us to do.”

Waters told HuffPost she supports Perlmutter’s amendment.

And winning the support of community bankers is in essence a necessary condition for Democrats who want to pass reform legislation through the Financial Services Committee. The Perlmutter amendment could be a way to win community banks over to the idea of a systemic regulator, a priority of the administration.

But working to loosen accounting rules could come back to hurt the Democratic Party: When the system goes down again, voters will want to know why.

When HuffPost asked Frank if Wall Street was pushing Perlmutter’s measure, he responded emphatically.

“You have this caricature in your heads. You literally don’t understand the way the world works,” he said. “It’s the community banks, the credit unions, who are driving this…Seriously, the community banks have the political clout here. Not the Wall Street banks.”

Frank said the ABA was likely pushing for the amendment to win favor with community banks in its rivalry with the Independent Community Bankers of America.

Perlmutter agreed. “It’s the community banks I’ve been working with. I’m not hearing it from the Wall Street guys,” he said.

While the ABA has traditionally been associated with large Wall Street banks, it also represents small banks and is attempting to expand its membership by signing up more community bankers.

It works well for the big banks when their interests are aligned with the little ones, as is the case here. When their interests are not aligned, the little banks often win. Community banks, for instance, won an exemption from examinations — though not the rules — related to the Consumer Financial Protection Agency.

The ICBA wants to use its clout and the distrust of the big banks to move Perlmutter’s amendment even further in their direction. “We’re not buying and selling all the time. We hold a lot of things for the long term…. So we’d like to build in some additional sensitivity to community banks so would like to make that more explicit,” Steve Verdier, an ICBA senior vice president, told HuffPost. “We’re going to get in touch with [Perlmutter] to see if there are more things that can be done to tweak it in our direction.”

Much of the debate around the amendment comes down to what is called the mark-to-market accounting requirement. Banks — both big and small — have long sought to avoid marking their assets down to market prices when those market prices are too low. Marking down the assets requires the bank to take a loss on its books, which then requires it to raise more capital by selling off assets at low prices. Banks claimed that in the fall, the market had frozen and that they couldn’t sell assets. Another way of putting it is that the market price was lower than they wanted to accept.

Regardless, forced selling at low prices creates a downward spiral that banks and the GOP blame for the financial crisis last fall. The GOP called for a study of the effect of mark-to-market accounting on the economic collapse as part of the bailout. That report found the accounting practice did not cause the collapse. Either way, the banks hope to avoid that cycle when the commercial real estate market collapses and they find themselves with bad loans again.

“It’s about easing the pressure to reduce the value of their assets in community banks, so they don’t have to raise more capital,” Frank said.

Asking accountants to change standards based on economic conditions could very well make their heads explode, however. It’s not their job, they say, to keep the system from collapsing. It’s their job to give honest numbers. If a company is bankrupt, it’s bankrupt.

“Accounting standards are not policy,” remarked one person involved in the fight.

But they have become policy. In the spring, Kanjorski’s subcommittee hauled the head of FASB in for a hearing and demanded the number-crunchers change their mark-to-market standards within three weeks or Congress would do it for them. FASB’s head pushed back during the hearing, saying that banks who called him asking for such a change were usually bankrupt fairly quickly.

“They practically dragged him into the hallway and beat him to death,” said Rep. Brad Miller (D-N.C.), a committee member skeptical of the Perlmutter amendment.

Three weeks later, they eased their accounting rules. But it wasn’t simple for the banks. Even with the intense congressional pressure, the change only sneaked by by a single vote and created tension on a board accustomed to a freedom from politics. The Perlmutter amendment would make such a battle unnecessary for the banks.

“There are a lot of banks that are in a lot of trouble and have a lot of exposure to commercial real estate,” Miller said. “You can’t fix that with accounting.”

Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.) fought a lonely battle last spring to stave off the loosening of the accounting rules and opposes this more dramatic shift, as well. Banks may have good reason to want to overstate the value of their assets, he said, and it may work for a time. But an economy can’t be run indefinitely on imaginary numbers. “I enjoy reading fiction, but not in financial statements,” he said.

UPDATE: HuffPost obtained a copy of the amendment language that is circulating among lobbyists. Perlmutter’s spokeswoman confirmed its authenticity.

The amendment would empower the council overseeing FASB to “recommend to the SEC, either publicly or privately to take such action as is necessary, including but not limited to suspension, modification or elimination of such accounting principles, standards or procedures as they may apply to the stability of the financial system or the safety and soundness of financial companies, as a whole, for such duration as is reasonable and appropriate.”

If the SEC doesn’t follow the “recommendation,” according to section (c) of the amendment, the council can order it to do so.

In other words, for the sake of financial stability, bank regulators could secretly order the “elimination” of accounting standards.

SEC. 1103. PRUDENTIAL OVERSIGHT OF ACCOUNTING PRINCIPLES AND STANDARDS THAT POSE SYSTEMIC RISKS.(a) IN GENERAL.–In the event that any member of the Council believes that an accounting principle, standard or procedure threatens the stability of the United States financial system or companies, as a whole, then the Council shall investigate and by a majority vote, determine whether any corrective action, emergency or otherwise, is necessary to prevent or mitigate any adverse effects from such principle, standard or procedure. In the event that the Council determines that corrective action is necessary then, the Council shall recommend to the SEC, either publicly or privately to take such action as is necessary, including but not limited to suspension, modification or elimination of such accounting principles, standards or procedures as they may apply to the stability of the financial system or the safety and soundness of financial companies, as a whole, for such duration as is reasonable and appropriate.

(b) ADOPTION OF COUNCIL RECOMMENDATIONS BY SECURITIES AND EXCHANGE COMMISSION.–the Securities and Exchange Commission shall ensure that the prudential standards recommended by the Council are implemented within 60 days of the Council’s recommendation or within such other time period specified by the Council.

(c) FAILURE TO ADOPT STANDARDS.–If the Securities and Exchange Commission fails to ensure that the prudential standards recommended by the Council are implemented within the time period specified in paragraph (b), the Council is authorized to direct that any recommendations issued pursuant to paragraph (a) be implemented for the purposes of generally accepted accounting principles.”

UPDATE II: The SEC and the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants both oppose the amendment, as well. “Accounting should be about accounting, and not about anything else,” writes SEC chair Mary Schapiro in a letter to Frank sent Thursday.

From a letter from the AICPA:

It is our understanding that Congressman Ed Perlmutter (D-CO) is considering language to amend the Financial Stability Improvement Act of 2009, which would undermine the independent accounting standard process as currently carried out by the Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB). The American Institute of Certified Public Accountants (AICPA) strongly opposes this amendment and any attempt that would serve to undermine the independence of accounting standard setting. The purpose of public company financial reporting is to provide investors with clear, objective, and transparent financial information. This helps investors make informed investment decisions. Any attempt to divert financial reporting from its primary investor-focused objectives to other policy objectives with regard to financial institutions damages investor protections.

We have completed our last Career Conference for 2009 in Austin, TX.  Our candidates averaged 9.6 interviews each, continuing the trend of opportunities increasing as the economy heads into recovery.  17 support team members helped the candidates convert initial interviews into over 5.5 company pursuits.  We’ll continue to provide you access to the results of our November candidates through Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/ylztw96) and our discussion forums (http://cameron-brooks.yourwebforum.com/).  We encourage you to use these resources to gain confidence about your transition and get excited about your ability to find a great business career.

At each Conference, we take time to listen to our client companies.  Their perspective should help you understand why the combination of military leadership experience and effective preparation results in success.  We’d like to share with you some of their comments and how you can use them to impact your transition process.

“The tough times are the new normal.  We need leaders with a track record of working through adversity.”  You have served in the military during one of the most challenging periods in several decades.  Your leadership is forged in an environment that is constantly changing and testing your resolve.  While it hasn’t been easy, it has developed your ability to overcome obstacles, focus on success and innovate.  As businesses drive forward into the economic recovery, they expect to face continued headwinds from changing markets and intense competition.  At the Conference, candidates who stepped up to show their ability to get results in tough situations impressed the recruiters during the interviews.

“Markets are changing and we need change agents who can lead us through the transformation.”  Even the news has started to change.  After many months of negative reporting, you are likely seeing the positive signs as economists and business leaders comment on the recovery.  News articles like this one in U.S. News from September http://tiny.cc/H80c8 and this “Opinion” article from The Wall Street Journal in October http://tiny.cc/nT6VL highlight the changes that businesses are facing.  While it is good to see evidence of the turnaround, this means that businesses that have focused on streamlining operations and cutting back must now prepare their organizations for growth.  Several Cameron-Brooks client companies noted how impressed they were with the ability of our candidates to lead through change.  One company at the November Conference that created a new business initiative targeted Cameron-Brooks candidates as their only source for filling the new position.

“We are hiring leaders who can develop other leaders.”  By hiring leaders who can develop others, companies are able to multiply their success.  As a junior military officer, you have the opportunity to work with a wide range of military personnel and help them move their careers forward.  Few people in your age group have had the opportunity to impact others in this way.  For a business that faces the retirement of the baby-boomers, hiring a leader that can mentor, coach and develop others is a step toward meeting today’s and tomorrow’s leadership needs.  We continue to hear about businesses that are working to develop their leadership “bench strength” and they are working on it now.

We recently released the Candidate Resource Center (https://cas.cameron-brooks.com/CandidatePortal/), our new online access to the Development and Preparation Program© (DPP©).  We feel this is an important step in making career information available to you, wherever you are.  DPP© has been updated based on the feedback we have received from you on how we can best help you prepare.  As always, we appreciate our relationship with the great men and women of our Armed Forces.  Our best wishes to all as you head into the end of 2009 and the holiday season.  Steve Sosland and Scott LePage will continue to visit military bases worldwide to bring you the most current information on the economy and business careers for junior military officers.  Please visit our updated website for information on a base trip near you or our next webcast where you can gather information to help with your decisions and your preparation.

One final note, visit our Facebook page  http://tinyurl.com/dfqoq4 and watch videos of November Conference candidates explain their experience and lessons learned in preparation, reading and timing.

Roger Cameron and the Cameron-Brooks Team

Thanks to the massive budget cuts that the California state school system is in the midst of, I had a ten-day furlough season.  I thought I could stick around and take care of the things I need to take care of or I could head to New England.  You might know how much I loathe Sandy Eggo and you might already realize that I split town.

My girlfriend, Lorelei Erisis, went back east when I realized that I was going to go to graduate school in San Diego.  We came here looking for places, opportunities and good times only to discover a hostile environment where people would not shake her hand and local queers were doing everything in their power to mimic the straight heteronormative lifestyle that hegemonic forces so demand.  We realized pretty quickly that she needed to live somewhere less volatile.

She went back east and I stayed here.  It was, and is, awful.  We are in love.  We are best friends.  Why does she have to live thousands of miles away?  Fuck, can you hear the sadness?

Anyway.  Sob sob, poor me, waaaaa.

I went to New England and had an awesome time.   I got a lot of work done at the stonewall center.  I had a chance to talk to some people about gender variant neologisms. I pissed on some boys.

So, on with the porn.

The first few days I was there I was in the midst of a huge deadline.  I hade a paper on crime theory due and I was on the rag.  I was vile.  As soon as I turned it in I looked up and realized I had to pee.  A nifty sort of boy contacted me.  He confessed that he used to play at dungeons but because the sessions were so cookie cutter ze ceased to continue the activities.

We met in a bar in downtown Northampton in the middle of the day.  I had a bloody marry that was not strong enough, spicy enough, or bloody enough.  He drank a beer.  We sat there discussing the finer points of verbal humiliation.  When our drinks were finished we headed to the Hotel Northampton.  It is a big beautiful historic hotel.  Not the sort of place people designed to meet for smutty activities.

At the bar this boy tells me that she has “prepared the room.” Knowing that we have agreed to a golden shower I asked if she covered the room in plastic wrap, like Dexter would.  Should I be frightened?  What am I walking into? I wondered.

When we got to the room there was a big blue tarp on the bed and a door that lead to a shared balcony. The balcony was right above the main drag in this cute little college town.   Highly visible.

I put her in a sexy one-piece girdle bra thing.  Beige, with a crotch snap and huge D cups that she could not fill.  Poor boobless boy.  Then we went out on the balcony.  I had her prance around on the balcony in her skivvies.  I took off my pants and told her to lie down.  I pissed on her belly, on her crotch, on her face.

“Stand up and look at the people down on the street” I told her.  I made her prance around some more.  We were only on the second floor.  She was wet with piss, standing in a one-piece panty, bra, girdle combo.  Chest hair popping out of the bra.  Flat chested hairy wet bitch.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  People were out on the street.  Lots of people. Anyone who looked up could have seen us up there on the balcony.  I made eye contact with a middle-aged hippie type.  He saw.

Though the sun was out, it was October in New England.  My bitch was wet and without pants on, I was cold.  We headed back in to the tarp-covered bed.  I had him lay on the blue tarp and I stood over him, letting my piss trickle.  I asked him a question and when he went to answer it I let some more piss fall onto his face.  I was having a blast.

He wanted to be degraded, but didn’t want to be called any of the standard “pig, slut whore” type names.  I started in on his capitalistic lifestyle.  His carbon footprint.  His SUV.  His over indulgent house in the suburbs.  I was having a super sexy time insulting this American.  I got down.  Pissing and articulation of all things wrong with the world.  That is what this bitch was getting.  All the while we are on a blue tarp covered bed, in a snooty themed hotel with floral print screaming at me from every wall and window covering.  A puddle of piss had formed around my left foot.  “Slurp it,” I ordered.

After a bit we moved to a strip tease.  I had her put on an extra layer of bra / panties.  “Get up in the window and dance” I told her. Sadly, the only music in the place was some strange folk concert on the telly.  The sound quality sucked, the music was laden with banjos, and my hairy, flat-chested, piss-covered, panty-wearing bitch was trying her damdest to shake her flat manly ass.

I laughed.  She danced. I laughed, she danced.  She rolled around on the floor like a stripper would.  I laughed.

Eventually I put her in the tub, stood over her and had her stroke herself.  I pissed in her nose, in her eyes, on her dick.  I drenched her. She came.  Then I spanked her with the remote control.

Then …

I had one of the strangest sessions ever while I was in noho.  An old man – old like white hair, pot belly, probably in his 70’s old – called me and suggested that he was a big fan and wanted to get together.  After a short conversation we agreed to meeting at a cheap sounding motel at the edge of Smith College.

When I got there he was not able to articulate what sort of session he wanted.  He said he didn’t have any experience. I asked him to tell me a story.  He said he didn’t have any.

The room had this huge heart shaped bathtub.  “Strip and get in” I told him.  I had a gallon of water in me already.  “Get out, put on the panties, and get back in” I instructed.  I stood precariously over this love tub, in my own black cotton thong and pissed just enough to get them wet.  I slapped them thinking “I don’t think I have ever pissed in my panties before.” I liked the way it felt.  Wet panties dripping over an old man.  This was about to get very hot.

I tried to get some information about his fantasies out of him.  I got nothing.  He was dull, vapid, boring me to tears.  I pissed a slow trickle over him, through my panties.  I was amused by the sensation of dripping wet panties.  I shot a little onto his white hair.   He seemed totally indifferent.  Maybe it was not about to get hot.  I was still hopeful.

After what seemed like three hours but was more like twenty minutes my piss stream dried up. I was shocked.  I drank a gallon of water.  Where in the hell was it?  Today is the day my body decided to absorb it? Am I piss shy if I’m not turned on?  I had no idea.  My piss was gone.  Our chemistry was non-existent.  I was trying to piss on an old man in a heart shaped tub.  There was no music.  There was no conversation.  Then there was no piss.

Mua~mwa~muagh.

Not the sexiest of times.  Certainly one of the most awkward.  I left with the impression that this old man simply wanted to be near me for an hour.  I wish he had said that on the phone.  We could have had lunch.

Then …

Thank gawd, at the last possible minute, I lined up a public golden shower.  I love these.  Love Them!

We met at the Wal-Mart.  As we went in I put my hand out.  He put money in it.  We walked to the back of the store.  I took him in the family rest room.  I locked the door so a Wal-Mart shopping family didn’t catch us.  “Take off your jacket and put it on the dirty baby changer.  If you want your clothing to stay dry, strip.” I told him.  He looked puzzled.  “If you don’t mind getting soaked just lay down in your clothes.” He laid down on the floor in his black pants and black t-shirt.  I dropped my pants and stuck my ass over his face.  “Open” I demanded.  I squirt a quick shot of piss into his mouth.  “Swallow” I ordered.  He gulped it down and opened wide again.  I shot piss into his mouth and he swallowed it.  This happened several times and then I let the piss flow so that it got in his nose, in his eyes.  He was sputtering.  It was fucking hilarious.  I was giggling as he tried to avoid drowning in my piss.  I was laughing and pissing.  He was swallowing and sputtering.  He told me it was like going swimming as a kid.  I pissed all over him.  Got his clothes wet.  Shot my full bladder all over his face.  I had to piss something awful.  It was fucking hot.  I grabbed a piece of toilet paper, wiped, threw it at his face, pulled up my pants and headed out the door.

As I was leaving the parking lot he walked in front of the car I was driving with the biggest smile I have every seen on someone leaving Wal-Mart.

My heart was pounding, my pussy was throbbing, my pocket was full of cash.  I was Happy.

Great news!  I’m employed!!  Well, temporarily, anyways.  What can be said?  The temp agency made good on its word to set me up with potential employers, those potential employers (undoubtedly) saw the value of my 90WPM (word per minute) typing ability at a 99% accuracy, I interviewed, and I was offered a job.

Some of you may be wondering: wait, Kate, I thought the point was to focus on comedy full-time.  Yes, it was, and it still is.  But, the point is that I have full days on my hands where I could be making money.  Plus, my savings are quickly dwindling as life in NYC seems to cost an arm, a leg, and five organs.  As my dear friend Catherine E. would say, “this city like steals money from you.”  There’s no reason not to have an income, a 9-5 job (admins seem to be the only ones working these hours anymore) and some structure to my day. 

So, on Monday I return to my Ann Taylor shift dresses, don the Hermes scarf around the neck and report for duty on Madison Ave.  (I probably shouldn’t tell the name of the company.)  It’ll be a nice change to stare at an excel doc for hours and occasionally hear “Kate, where are those numbers?!!” from my boss instead of staring at a blank word document hearing the voices in my own head screaming, “Kate, where is that new joke you should be trying out tonight?!?!”

I came across this term while catching up on my 3QD posts. Klepto capitalism makes a lot of sense and it describes corporate America very well. How can a company pay its workers $50,000 per annum and give its top execs millions, if not billions, of dollars each year? I think that the worst culprits are in the financial sector, especially in merchant banks and investment banks, with their bloated end-of-year bonuses often going into millions. Even with the economic downturn, these ultra-rich are getting richer.

Klepto Capitalism (n.) — an economic system where publicly traded corporations are run not to produce value for shareholders but to provide obscene amounts of wealth for CEOs and top executives.

What we have in the United States is no longer capitalism but klepto-capitalism: a system where publicly traded corporations are run not to produce value for shareholders but to provide loot for a new class of corporate mega-thieves.

★

I want to buy a baby present for young friends.  Several couples actually.  And yet I want to tell them that the crap will weigh them down.  All the paraphernalia isn’t necessary.  What do I wish I had had for my kids when they were little?   More time. Less activities.  Less stuff.  Less peer pressure to have and do and be.  Not wipe-warmers.

But they didn’t register for my advice nor for my agenda.  So as I select a gift, do I give ‘em what they want, or give ‘em what I think they need.  I chose the former.

Which costs dearly.  Registries… God help us.  I’m Scrooge-y today.  Yet it’s not the cost of the gift that’s a problem.  I chose within my desires and means.  It’s the cost beyond it.  It’s the cost of getting an email (2.3 seconds after handing over my VISA number) saying “Welcome to the Babies R Us Family.”  I can’t think of a family I’d less rather be in.  Corporate. Huge. Logo-ed.  Exploiting a giraffe through their parent company.  Ok… I’m going too far.  Nothing wrong with the giraffe (Geoffrey, isn’t he?).

But it is a dubious distinction to be wedded to or born into (or however I got into) the family.  And I want a divorce.  I want to opt-out, but I never really wanted to opt in.  I just wanted to buy what my friends wanted.  And it isn’t made, as far as I know, by some cool, progressive, crafty gal or guy who sells at my beloved Crafty Bastards Crafts Show in DC each fall, or I would have put in an order and bought local, bought real, bought human… and probably experienced some real community and conversation instead of  feeling kidnapped by corporate America and buried under a pile of friendly, chatty, inviting emails welcoming me to a family.

Ranting middle-aged woman.  That’s what I am.  But it deserves a rant.  AAAGGGHHH.

Today I delighted in one of those marquee life moments.  I like to think I have some cloudy image of me sailing down that huge hill on my banana seat for the first time, but I don’t.  I barely, sorta, kinda, vaguely recall some of the football related highlight moments; few and far between as they were.  First falling in love with Sharon, at the Valley, definitely; just writing that makes me smile.  If medical technology ever advances to the point where they can offer each of us the opportunity to sear one memory into our brains forever, even if riddled with Alzheimer’s, the memory of sitting on an 80s, floral print couch, ‘til two or three in the morning watching comedy central stand-ups, every night, and falling in love with Sharon, would be the one I’d pick.   Just one night of it would be enough to sustain me, as I lay, immobilized, in my own urine in the old folks home.   There’s a bunch of quality, random scenes that are semi-noteworthy enough to have season tickets, for life, as far as memories go: first sexual experience (note to self: do not let my kids house-sit for neighbors, when they’re still in middle school); being baptized; a prom night, maybe; crazy bachelor party (I’m just sayin’).  My honeymoon for sure;  it’s still crystal clear to me.  I know Sharon and I nearly got murdered in the Caribbean because I thought the whole, ‘Please don’t visit locals beaches or, “out-of-the-way” beaches, while vacationing in the Caribbean,’ was a bunch of bunk.  But other than that, and Sharon doing the midnight, fully clothed, belly flop vomit dive into the pool, while making loud noises, the trip was phenomenal.  Today’s event is in that same class.

Today, I did not receive a single email.  That’s the monumental event.  Yes, I confirmed the pop, TCP/IP, ether, router, ping deal, and it’s all working.  I didn’t really check it all, but I know it’s working.  I hit the get mail button a couple of times, stared at the screen real hard; and still nothing.  Then I just sat for a few minutes in total disbelief.  To be honest, due to the freshness of the experience, I’m sure, it hit me like it was the biggest moment, ever, in my life.  Weird, I know, but that’s how big it was at the moment.  I was dumbstruck.  And then, a nanosecond, tops, later and I was filled with the lightest, airiest, most uplifting feeling ever.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Then I started trying to recollect when they first started.  I’m thinking it was around 2000, 2001; almost ten years.  That’s insane.  We’re all insane, which I know sounds like an insane guy’s comment, but it’s true.  We’ve all managed to become subservient to machines.  It’s like a friggin’ sci-fi movie.  I’m waiting for the Enquirer to publish a photo of Jobs, or Gates, at a remote mountain retreat somewhere, with their skin off and their electronic inner circuitry exposed.  Our little hand-helds and our power books are leading us around by our nose hairs.  “Hold on bro, let me check this voicemail real quick.”  “Sharon, would you mind if I checked something real quick on Facebook?” one of Sharon’s friends says frequently.  It has gotten so bad that we’re starting to pass laws, in various parts of the country, to curb the use of the stupid things.  Most folks I know confess to no longer knowing the phone numbers of friends and family; we’re all just a single-digit speed-dial number on someone’s  mobile.

We’ve become dependent on ‘em for keeping track of our memories, managing our time, paying our bills, finding our mates, and communicating with our families.  We walk around with drive-thru-clerk looking headsets on; jog and bike with ear phones; and walk along the sidewalk, after school with our BFF, both engrossed in separate conversions on the other ends of our faux diamond encrusted cells.  Rarely, it seems, is anyone living in the moment.  And certainly not being still with God

Straight narrow parallel track that wishes you to never rear off course. Loop, twist with no direct route for the present, past, and future . The iron shackles for the youth generation is the black suit and red tie. The tight collar suffocates while you grab the top button of the oxford shirt/clean cut symbolizes the very fact you owe your new middle-aged life to whom?

Corporate America

Hey don’t stress all you need to do is apply for that Macy’s plastic. Rack up the credit line with 29% interest rates. Go ahead buy the five or six outfits, might as well hang yourself from the cubicle ceilings with that red tie of yours.

You become a virtual slave to routine. Wear this! Look this way I say! Arrive on time! Then you will make the big bucks. The system wants and needs you to fall knee deep in the valley of weeds.

-Jack C. Buck

This is just in from Politico:

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.) said Tuesday that he’d back a GOP filibuster of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s health care reform bill.

Read the story here.