A friend recently let me borrow Halo 3:ODST for my Xbox 360. I was stoked at the thought of playing it, despite not playing as the master chief. For anyone that knows me well, knows that the Halo franchise, more specifically the story, is one of my obsessions. I have read the first four books, played most of the games, and loved every second of it all. There was one point in my life, not even a few months ago, that I replayed Halo 3 and actually found tears rolling down my cheeks as the beginning cinematics started. Bungie has yet to let me down with anything they do to develop Halo. ODST was a great game with a really good story that can even be compared alongside the “first book of the Divine Comedy, Dante Aligeri’s ‘Inferno’.”

For those of you that don’t know, Halo is a franchise revolving around the super soldier Master Chief [John 117]. To go into detail, Dr. Halsey and Lieutenant Keyes meet 6-year-old John on a playground in Elysium City. Being trained to be the best soldiers in the world, the Spartan Program has John and the other spartans undergo a “radical series of biological, neurological, and physiological alterations,” which causes more than half of the soldiers to die or become disabled. In August of the year 2552, Planet Reach, UNSC’s primary Naval yard, training academy, major producer of warships and colony vessels, as well as a training ground for covert operatives and Special Forces, is destroyed by the Covenant. The Covenant are a “theocratic military alliance of alien races,” “united under the religious worship of the enigmatic Forerunners and their belief that Forerunner ringworlds known as Halos will provide a path to salvation.

That being said, Halo: Combat Evolved, the first Xbox video game, starts out with the Master Chief escaping Reach on the ship known as The Pillar of Autumn along with Cortana, an AI created by humans. Cortana is different from other AIs in that “she is a direct copy of a human being, Dr. Halsey.” They crash into the newly found ring Halo and that is where the game takes you. I won’t go too far in, seeing as the games help tell the story perfectly. I’d love to sit and share the whole story, but that is what the books that are already published are for. Definitely check out Amazon or any bookstore and some copies can be found.

Sites Sourced:
http://halostory.bungie.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Covenant_(Halo)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_(series)

Lego Star Wars domestic disputes.

Halo 3 textual analysis.

Posted on March 6, 2009 by haloboyy 1928

Cortana is easily Halo 3’s most annoying and challenging mission. You’ll be up against what seems to be a near limitless amount of Flood who can destroy you within seconds. Also, because of the Flood’s semi-random, unpredictable nature, offering a strict step-by-step walkthrough to killing the Flood is near-impossible, so instead, we’ve concocted a guide on how to run past most of them! However, before we get to the walkthrough, there are a few basic tips that are essential to completing this level:

Section #1
To get things started, ignore the “infection” Flood for now, and just follow the path up to the first door. You’ll encounter a few Combat forms along the way, but they’re nothing your melee attacks or shotgun can’t handle.

After the first door, head left down the split path and drop through the hole in the floor.

Section #2

Now things start getting difficult, or at least they would if you actually tried to battle the Flood. Instead, we’re going to employ our patented “run past everything” tactic for now.

As soon as you drop in, begin jumping up the ledges on the right (as shown on the map above). Now follow the right wall into a tunnel, leading to a door. You may take some damage, but you should be okay. Just keep running, and jump over any enemies in your path.

Section #3
Follow the path up to another door – you shouldn’t face any resistance here.

Section #4
Turn right to come across a crashed ship. Proceed up a steep ramp on the left of the ship, near its midpoint. Collect the sword on the ground, then drop into the hole at the peak.

Section #5
You’ll drop into a room with a downed purple ship just ahead. Run straight across it (but make sure to collect the Cloak from its right half – you’ll want it soon) and enter a tunnel on the opposite side.

Chug through the tunnel, passing by several carrier types, and continue up the nearby hill. Activate your camouflage near the top, and just run like the dickens, leaping over any enemies in your way. You’ll soon reach another door.

Section #6

This spiraling maze-like room is utterly confusing to navigate, so don’t fret if you get lost a time or two (or a dozen). But we’ll try our best to navigate you through it. Remember, you’re going to run through this entire portion, but keep your sword equipped at all times to kill any enemies in your direct path, if you can’t jump over them.

After running into the room’s center, climb up the ramp on the left side. Hug the right wall closely to collect a Cloaking Device, and continue to follow it into a second tunnel.

Shortly after exiting the second tunnel, look for a gap you can jump on the left. Jump across to a thin strip and use the sword to kill the Flood here. Continue up a tunnel on the right to emerge on the top floor of this room.

Activate your camouflage now and jump across the platforms bordering the left wall to cross over to a door.

Section #7
Just run through the unguarded tunnels through another door.

Section #8
You’ll emerge in a giant, circular room, with a mechanical structure in the center. Run along the path (ignoring the enemies) up to the first locked door. Turn left and walk across a thin bridge leading to the central structure.

Turn right from the central structure and walk across another bridge and continue through a series of blue doors. You’ll soon emerge in a room containing a glowing blue bulb – that’s where Cortana is. Bust it open by meleeing it several times to retrieve her. With Cortana onboard, head back through the blue doors to the large room just before.

As you step back into the main room, Cortana will inform you that you must destroy the generator. Cross the left bridge back to the central structure (you should pickup a Bubble Shield just before the platform, as shown on the map above), and interact with the control panel to reveal three reactors, surrounding your platform. Toss grenades toward at the platform surround the three reactors to take them out – since all three are nearby, there’s no need to leave the central platform. However, the enemies nearby may prove difficult – take out any on the platform, and deploy a nearby bubble shield to protect against distant fire.

Once all three cores are destroyed, you must escape the area. Quickly charge across the metallic bridge and continue through the hallway ahead and drop through a hole.

Essentially, you have to backtrack through the entire level, to a waiting Pelican near the level’s beginning. As long as you keep your energy sword equipped, you can run through most of it, but this first section may prove difficult.

After dropping through the hole mentioned above, have your sword ready and kill anything that stands in your way. You’ll soon come across a ramp on the right – climb it and drop off the far side for a shortcut allowing you to bypass most of the enemies.

When you reach the fallen ship, head straight across it into a hallway. Slash through the enemies here, and watch out for a Brute form – you may want to use a grenades to take him down. Jump into the opening on the right and follow the path up to a hole.

Now follow the left wall, running past all the enemies up to another door. Cortana will soon remark “who would be crazy enough to come here” – follow the right wall from here on out to come across a Pelican you can board to escape the level.

I haven’t written anything in a while, so i though i kick back off with a small tribute to one of my new

 favorite games;

This game is totally awesome.  I played with my brother who quickly became an inconveinance when he got in my way.  repeatedly he would cut in front of me trying to show off, thus blocking me from fighting. he quickly learned to move when i got the gravity hammer and hit him off the cliff.  He made me be second player, which i was totally cool with because i got to play as the Arbiter.

I love the Arbiter.  He is so much more cooler than that damn Spartan.  I play him every time even if it means playing second player.  Even when i play slayer i rather play as an Elite.  I feel more powerful in the game playing as an Elite.  Of course my elite is purple, and my weapon at hand is a gravity hammer or an energy sword.  My brother has learned ever so quickly that he may have played it longer, but i am better.  With my purple elite, with armor unlocked by the skulls, i pone my brother into the ground.  Anyway i love the game, the graphics are great, the weapons awesome, but the story line is too short.  Come on lengthen the sucker up a bit, because we all know Cortana will not die.  It wont hurt to have a few more levels.  That’s the beauty of Halo though; I have Halo 3 ODST burning a hole on my shelf, waiting to be played.  I just needs some batteries, damn wireless controller.

Despite being heavily criticised for being ‘too short’ and other such nonesense, Halo 3: ODST has managed to sell an impressive 2.5 million copies since it’s release a couple of weeks ago. The news comes from USA Today via Eurogamer who sadly labeled the game as an expansion pack. We maybe getting into a bit of a grey area of gaming as to what exactly ODST is but in my opinion, it’s far from just an expansion. Grizzle aside, Halo in all it’s forms has made a sweet $125 million and collectively sold over 27 million units. Not too shabby then. Frank O’Connor of Bungie fame, commented on the future of Master Chief in the USA Today feature saying “I think that (his) fate, Cortana’s fate and the identity of that *SPOILER* giant, dark planet at the ending (on the game’s hardest skill level) are probably big mysteries that would be irritating if they were just cliffhangers.” To true Mr O’Connor so let’s forget all this secrecy and just announce another Master Chief game – doesn’t need to be Halo 4 necessarily. “We do have a plan that goes out at least six years,” said O’Connor “Eventually, it will become very apparent that there is a plan for the way the canon all ties together and the way the comic books and the novels all tie together.” Yes, that’ll do nicely.

Historia którą znacie z gier Halo w zasadzie rozpoczyna się w punkcie B historii tego uniwersum. Trudno zrozumieć generalnie co się dzieje i o co chodzi, o ile nie weźmie się pod uwagę wydarzeń sprzed 2552 r., przed inwazją Covenant (zwanego dalej Paktem/Przymierzem) i po odkryciu napędu, który pozwolił na podróże międzygwiezdne, jak i kolonizacje najdalszych regionów kosmosu. Czyli od 2150 roku, punktu A tej historii.

W tym czasie ludzkość pogrążona była w wewnętrznych wojnach pożerających Ziemię, jak i kolonie wydobywcze poza naszym układem. To rozlew krwi miał zadecydować, kto przejmie kontrolę nad Zieloną Planetą i jej najdalszymi osadami, a strony stanowiły tu:
1. UNSC ( United Nation Space Command – pochodna UN, powstała w połowie XXII wieku podczas Wielkiego Przeludnienia Ziemi),
2. armie prowadzone przez faszystę Joviana Friedena (sprowokował konflikt przeprowadzając zamach na doradcę od spraw kolonizacji z UN, który przebywał na jednym z księżyców Jupitera- tak też rozpoczęła się Joviańska Kampania Księżycowa w 2160r.),
3. wojska neo-komunisty Vladimira Koslova.
Po wojnie o lasy deszczowe w 2162 roku konflikt z Zielonej Planety przeniósł się na kolonie Marsa w okolice Argyre Planitia, gdzie działania militarne podejmuje grupa stanowiąca pierwowzór ODST (Orbital Drop Shock Team), by zadać kilka mocnych ciosów w rebelię Koslovica. Oczywiście odnoszą sukces, wynikiem czego, jest powstanie w przyszłości doktryny określającej prawa działania Marines, jako podstawowej jednostki biorącej udział w konfliktach na lądzie jak i w przestrzeni..
2164 to czas czyszczenia przestrzeni z niedobitków Koslovica i Friedena, po wycofaniu się z Ziemi, skrupulatnie usuwani są z systemu przez oddziały Marines UN. W tym samym roku Narody Zjednoczone (UN) zmieniają nazwę na UNSC. Niestety w obliczu gigantycznego przeludnienia oraz utrzymywaniu kilkumilionowej armii, która nie ma z kim walczyć, rynek załamuje się tuż po konflikcie o Lasy Deszczowe..
Kolejny poważny krwawy spór rodzi się w 2494 roku, kiedy to siły Insurekcjonistów (grupa rebeliantów) przejmują kontrolę nad Eridanusem II (planeta w systemie Eridanus), ustanawiając tam własne rządy. Przez 20 lat UNSC próbuje stłumić rebelię, jednak siedziba Insurekcjonistów ukryta w pasie lewitujących asteroidów nie zostaje odnaleziona przez ten czas. Jest to jedna z większych porażek ONI (Office of Naval Inteligence, wywiad UNSC).
W 2513 roku walki wyłamują się poza system Eridanus. Rebelianci prowadzeni przez pułkownika Roberta Watta tworzą flotę małych cywilnych statków, które przez krótki czas opierają się flocie UNSC, a potem wycofują się do pasa asteroidów Eridanus Secundus. Wojny przenoszą się też na Epsilon Eridani. Do tego momentu miliony cywilów wliczane są w ofiary wojny.
Należy wspomnieć też o dość istotnym w całości tych wydarzeń fakcie, iż UNSC przechodziło kryzys w 2517 roku – osłabione ciągłymi walkami nie mogło pozwolić sobie na straty kolejnych ludzi. Dlatego też dr. Catherine Halsey przeforsowała start projektu o nazwie SPARTAN-II.  Z 75 niezwykle uzdolnionych dzieci pobrano materiał genetyczny, który zmodyfikowano i zastąpiono go nowym – silniejszym odpowiednikiem. Poprzez ciężki trening fizyczny oraz wzmacnianie psychiczne klonów opartych na kodzie genetycznym uzdolnionych dzieci, zdołano utworzyć jednostki zwane później SPARTANAMI (szkolone od 6 roku życia jednostki do zadań specjalnych).
W 2525 roku pięciu Spartan infiltruje bazę rebelii na Eridanus Secundus i uprowadza Watta. Potem oddziały Spartan wysyłane są na Jerycho, by powstrzymać kolejne rebelie. Wraz z nadejściem Paktu (przymierze obcych ras prowadzonych przez Proroków- z ang. Covenant) liczebność Insurekcjonistów drastycznie się zmniejsza eksterminowana już przez wspólnego wroga. W ostateczności razem z oddziałami UNSC stawiają czoło obcemu zagrożeniu (2552r.) w bazie, która wcześniej została infiltrowana i, z której porwano Watta (w akcji udział wzięło kilku Spartan, Sztuczna Inteligencja o imieniu Cortana i W-ce Admirał Danforth Whitcomb). Koniec końcem UNSC i tak musiało się ewakuować, a baza została całkowicie zniszczona przez Pakt. 
Agresja ze strony Przymierza rozpoczęła się 3 lutego w 2498, gdy UNSC straciło kontakt z kolonią Harvest, a wysłany tam statek został zniszczony. Wysłano kilka tam kilka statków by zbadały sytuację, powrócił tylko jeden- Herakles -wraz z informacją w obcym języku, która po przetłumaczeniu brzmiała “Wasza zagłada jest wolą bogów, a my jesteśmy ich narzędziami”. W odpowiedzi vice admirał Preston Cole mobilizuję kosmiczną flotę, której celem jest odbicie koloni Harvest. W potyczce tej, ludzkość traci 2/3 swojej armii, jednak w 2531 roku Harvest wraca do ludzi, oczywiście by potem ją stracić. Wysoko zaawansowana technika zbrojeniowa Paktu, deklasuje wszystko, co posiada ludzkość. Systemy tarcz, uzbrojenie oraz konstrukcja z nieznanego materiału przebija się przez siły ludzkości niczym lodołamacz. Wojna pomiędzy ludzkością (jak później się okazuje nie tylko), a sprzymierzonymi rasami Obcych trwa. Pakt jest w trakcie poszukiwań wszelkich informacji, artefaktów i wszystkiego, co jest w jakiś sposób powiązane z rasą Prekursorów, która zaginęła setki tysięcy lat temu. Swoje działania opiera na własnych interpretacjach działań Prekursorów, którzy ich zdaniem stali się Bogami uruchamiając pierścienie Halo (gigantyczne konstrukcje w kosmosie, które sami stworzyli by chronić wszechświat). Według nich ponowne uruchomienie tych mechanizmów sprawi, iż tak też się stanie z Paktem. Oczywiście jedynym zagrożeniem ku zrealizowaniu tego planu jest ludzkość, która według ich dogmatów jest przeciwieństwem rasy Prekursorów. Do 2535 roku większość Zewnętrznych Kolonii (Planety niezwykle bogate w rzadkie minerały) zostaje zniszczone przez Armadę Paktu. Ustanowiony protokół Cole`a, ma na celu zatarcie wszelkich śladów ludzkości, które mogłyby nakierować Obcych na Ziemię. Zatem wszelkie statki, które trafiają na flotę Covenant mają automatycznie wchodzić w nadprzestrzeń i udawać się w nieznanym i losowym kierunku tak, by nigdy nie sprowadziły zagłady na Ziemię. Nie da się też zaprzeczyć, że technologia skoku przestrzennego Obcych przewyższa naszą kilkukrotnie. Pozwala na bardzo dokładne wchodzenie i wychodzenie z nadprzestrzeni, w konkretnymi miejscu, w konkretnej formacji. Natomiast ludzka technologia oparta na Międzyświetlnym Silniku Shaw-Fujikawa, okazuje się niezwykle nieprecyzyjna i niebezpieczna – przez co niektóre statki rozbijają się
o powierzchnie planety, wychodząc z nadprzestrzeni lecąc po losowym wektorze. Niestety jest to wliczone w koszty, jakie musi ponieść Ludzkość by Ziemia nie została odnaleziona. Akcja gry rozpoczyna się w 2552 roku, kiedy Pakt atakuje z zaskoczenia ostatni ludzki bastion stojący na Granicy (Bitwa o Granicę).

Kolejna część niedługo.
Pozdrawiam
Uth

Halo 3: ODST
Format reviewed: Xbox 360

2 years after Halo 3 finally arrived on the 360, Bungie have seen fit to blow their gaming beans all over our collective faces one more time with part expansion pack/part add on/all man, Halo 3: ODST.

The halo series, as a whole, is a game that divides gamers opinions like no other series can. Its enthusiasts are as vocal as its detractors, and neither will ever be able to see eye to eye or convince the other.
On one hand, you have the Halo fanboys, who will routinely tell you:

It has the best artificial intelligence in any game EVER, and the multiplayer is sublime, and simply cannot be beaten.

Actually, i might be over-estimating the average Halo fanboy there. It would more than likely be something akin to:

LOL Halo is fukkin awesome if u dont liek it ur probably a GAY FAGGOT FUCK PLAYSTATIN N00B also i work for bungee we need ur xbox live password to give u 1000 ms points for free and recon armour

And on the other side of the coin:

It’s multiplayer is nothing that wasnt done on PC gaming aeons ago with games like Tribes or Battlefield and as for its story, what story? *guffaw*

but as with the fanboys, i may be over-estimating. It will more than likely be closer to:

LOL purple aliens? What is this gay shit? Everyone knows real shooters only use brown and grey, and look at those weapons, they look like something out of a toy shop LOL, it’s certainly not as advanced modelling as the M4A1 carbine in Armed Assualt 2. Excuse me i have to turn up the smug on my GRAPHICS CARD TO MAXIMUM

Both valid, retarded, arguments. Halo 3 will win no new converts from its many detractors, but is so ‘fucking hell i just shit myself‘ brilliant that existing Halo converts will be practically using it as a masturbatory aid for months to come.

Set in the same timespace as Halo 2’s opening levels on Earth, a.k.a the only good levels in Halo 2, ODST puts you in the drop pod of a rookie ODST, during their ill fated drop into New Mombasa to rid the earth of the purple aliens that are attacking it for some reason explained in a minute long cutscene in Halo 1, probably. The plot sees ODST leader ‘Buck’, i think that’s his full name, attempting to rescue his boner from female Jay Leno impersonator and contestant for stupidest name ever, Veronica Dare, the only woman in videogaming who looks fucking sexier with her helmet on.

*shudder*

The action takes place in 2 distinct styles, The Rookies missions set in almost pitch dark, using the new VISR mode to outline the scenery and enemies, and as The Rookie pieces together the clues of what happened to his ill fated teammates, flashback missions set during the daytime, played out as one of Rookies teammates.

The flashback missions play as a sort of ‘NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL HALO: VOL 1′ greatest hits compilation. There’s a sniping mission, a Tank driving mission, a Banshee piloting mission, defending a building against wave after wave of Covenant forces mission, and it’s status as game of the year conender could only be compounded further by including  a ‘recieving a blowjob’ mission as downloadable content. (as long as it’s not Veronica Dare performing said fellatio)

THIS IS HOW AWESOME ODST IS

All this story preamble is to say, that you will spend the next 6 – 10 hours flying, tanking, driving, shooting, spartan lasering, and grenading the LIVING BALLS out of a whole bunch of purple, and sometimes brown, Aliens. If a shooting game lives or dies by how much fun it is to actually shoot things within it’s world, than ODST is among the finest examples of the genre so far. Not just down to how intelligently the covenant forces respond to your attacks and react accordingly, finding cover,  using flanking moves etc, but down to the sheer ‘im gonna fuck your shit up‘ feeling of pulling off a fatal headshot on a wandering Grunt with the new silenced Automag Pistol, shortly followed by a ‘OH SHI-’ realisation that you’re  now running from a gang of his buddies and you’re the one puckering your anus in preparation of a rather vicious buggering. It’s this new found vulnerability of the ODST, compared to playing as the Master Chief, that gives the game its constant sense of fear and anticipation of the next big gunfight.

This screenshot is from Halo 3. But you can see Cortanas arse, so im putting it in here.

Halo’s multiplayer mode gets a rather justified reputation as being about as fun to play for a newbie as recieving a rectal examination from Freddy Krueger. Youre either on the recieving end of a torrent of verbal abuse from some dribbling idiot about your sexuality, ethnicity or country of origin, or you’re getting your ass handed to you by socially inept mouth breathers who exist solely to play Halo 3 and keep Doritos & Coca Cola in business.Yes, these people do exist and yes if you play Halo for an afternoon you will meet them.
ODST wisely tries to sidestep the issue of forcing you to compete with the troglodytes that inhabit xbox live by including Firefight mode, a mode that sees you and 4 friends working together against wave after wave of Covenant troops, ever increasing in difficulty. In this mode the only enemy is the game itself, so verbal abuse, teabagging, racial abuse, the calling into question of your Mothers occupation, and questioning your sexual preference should be kept to a minimum.

As a departure from the templates of Halo 1 – 3, ODST succeeds as a standalone title and is distinct enough from its bigger brothers to create its own unique little slice of the Halo universe, one we’d gladly spunk another $50 on to revisit.

Facepalms out of 5 for Halo 3: ODST

With today’s release of Halo 3: ODST, TFPG takes a look back at the game that actually invented the first person shooter genre, Halo.

Halo’s success is somewhat of a mystery. For one thing, the game was originally designed as a real time strategy. For another, it was also originally destined to be a fucking Apple Mac Exclusive. These two decisions would have been enough to sink a lesser game without trace, but fortunately for the Master Chief and racist teenagers the length and breadth of the U.S.A, Bungie realised that, way back in 1999, only about 15 people owned an Apple Mac, and of those 15, only 3 used it to play games, and only 1 of those played real time strategy games. The RTS aspect and the Mac were rightly shitcanned, and thus the worlds first ever first person shooter was born, Halo.

Halo: Combat Evolved (2001)

Released in 2001, Halo was the game that launched a million cries of ‘YOU FUCKING FAGGOT IMMA KILL YOU FAGGOT’. Halo took the xbox by storm, and managed to sell literally tens of consoles, and telling sony in no uncertain terms “you may be outselling our console by almost 10 to 1, but dammit, at least we have one popular game, which is more than be said for the fucking gamecube.” So what made Halo so popular? Well firstly, we have the award winning story

In Halo‘s twenty-sixth century setting, the player assumes the role of the Buck Rogers, a cybernetically enhanced “SPARTAN” super-soldier. The player is accompanied by Twiggy, an artificial intelligence who occupies the Master Chief’s neural interface. Together they must fight crime and solve mysteries while driving around in a van.

Then, we had the incredible graphics:

Halo was thrust into the limelight as the Xbox’s killer app, the game that would unseat Sony as the dominant force in the home console business, and make the Xbox brand a name as easily recognisable as Playstation, and we would all join hands as one nation, one race, under the benevolence of Bill Gates, and live happily ever after.

Of course none of that happened, and the Xbox languished behind the PS2 until its death, and owning an xbox was still seen as something for friendless sofa masturbators who were looked down upon by the Playstation owning ruling caste.

However, for anyone who played Halo for the first time back in 2001, it was a genuinely special experience, marring an interesting sci-fi world with exciting gameplay, and unparalleled  vehicle combat. It truly was an exciting taste of the future of FPS, and as you will soon see, homphobia….

FP’s out of 5 for Halo 1:

Halo 2 (2004)

Halo 2 dropped in 2004, to much anticipation. As the sequel to the million selling Halo it had alot to live up to. Halo 2 promised to take the fight from outer space to Earth, and it did, for one entire level before fucking off back into outer space for the entirety of the game.
Halo 2 had a much more focused storyline, delving deep into the rich background of Master Chiefs enemies, The Covenant, the banded alien races hell bent on Earths destruction, and introduced a new playable charachter, an Elite named The Arbiter

Halo 2 opens with the trial of an Elite commander aboard the Covenant’s mobile city of High Charity. The Elite is stripped of his rank and branded a heretic for failing to stop the humans from destroying Halo. It is revealed that the Covenant’s interest in Halo lies in the religious belief that the activation of the rings would bring about a “Great Journey”, sweeping loyal Covenant to salvation.

This game literally looked more amazing than any other game that was on the xbox and released in November 2004.

Of course, all of this was disregarded when millions of hairy palmed teenagers realized that Halo 2 and the advent of Xbox Live allowed you to do one thing other games would not: drop your balls on the face of a slain opponent over the internet in a ritual that became known as teabagging.

Teabagging is a slang term for the act of a man placing his scrotum in the mouth or on or around the face (including the top of the head) of another person, often in a repeated in-and-out motion as in irrumatio. The practice resembles dipping a tea bag into a cup of tea.

Suddenly, the amazing graphics, the complex storyline, the alien races and emergent gameplay played second fiddle to the act of humiliating a slain opponent in an irony shattering act of placing your balls on someones face while screaming at them that they are actually the gay one, and that you are actually completely heterosexual, you just enjoy rubbing your balls on peoples face.

Yes, three years of storyboards, level design, voice acting and art direction were instantly rendered obsolete once the annoying little scrotes who inhabit xbox live like a plague realized that you could use your balls to humiliate someone.
Halo 2’s position as ‘lacklustre follow up to a fuck-ass incredible original’ were further compounded upon finishing the game, when after hours of fucking about in space, Master Chief proclaims he is heading back to earth to ‘FINISH THIS FIGHT‘.
He didn’t. The credits rolled instead. People were angry. Very angry.

FP’s out of 5 for Halo 2:

Halo 3 (2007)

Halo 3 was the first Halo title for Microsofts flagship Xbox 360 console. Gamers worldwide were practically humping their sofas in anticipation of what the 360’s new technology could bring to the universe of the Master Chief.

The answer was, fuck all. Halo 3 looked vaguely like Halo 1 and played roughly the exact fucking same, yet none of these facts stopped it from being un-fuckingbelievably awesome to the max.

Halo 3 begins with the Master Chief entering Earth’s atmosphere and crashing to the ground in eastern Africa, where he is found by Sgt. Major Johnson and the Arbiter. The Chief, Johnson, and company fight their way out of the jungle and arrive at a UNSC outpost. Here, Commander Keyes and Lord Hood plan a last-ditch effort to stop the Covenant leader, the High Prophet of Truth, from activating a Forerunner artifact uncovered outside the ruins of the city of New Mombasa.

Halo 3 took the fight back to earth, as promised at the teeth-gnashingly shit ending to Halo 2, and promised to make up for all the shitty decisions made in that game. Halo 3’s single player campaign, was for lack of a better description, the greatest fucking shooter ever made.

What made it this amazingly brilliant? I can hardly remember. Possibly hype,  as Halo 3 was the most publicized and hyped Halo game yet.  But was it really all hype? Looking back now its easy to say that all the perfect 10 scores and glowing reviews were all suckered in by the Halo hype machine or were bought by Microsoft’s deep pockets.

At least, thats what the detractors want you to think. The same people that will tell you that ‘halo has no story’ or that ‘PC games had better multiplayer back in 1998′.Retarded quotes from retarded people.
But those of you who know and appreciate the storylines behind the Chiefs extraterrestiral exploits, those who have seen Halo 3 right to the true ending (only reached by completing the campaign on Legendary difficulty), those who queued up to buy the game on launch night, those who routinely play the campaign in the nut-bustingly brillint 4 palyer mode, the people who collect the Halo figurines of Master Chief, Cortana et al, those of you who read the books, or the graphic novels, know that while Halo may get flak for being a kiddy first person shooter (it has purple aliens, therefore by definition it is for children), or that its online contingent is populated by first term abortions (and sadly it is), these things aside, we know that Halo is a sci-fi epic, a marriage of excellent gameplay, art style and story.

So to the Halo storyline, The Master Chief, The Arbiter, the 4 player co-op, we salute you Halo, truly the worlds first ever first person shooter, and warmly welcome the latest Halo FPS, Halo:ODST!

FP’s out of 5 for Halo 3:

There is a word for this… That word is poignant, that’s the only word I can of to describe this live-action short of the upcoming Halo 3: ODST game. If none of you wished for a Halo: Fall Of Reach movie to be made, hopefully these 154 seconds of pure intensified action might cause you to reconsider. I was arguably at the edge of my seat every second of those excellent 154.

And for those wondering, the song played is a heavy editted song called”Lament”, by a north-eastern UK band called The Light of Aidan. The translation for the short (Which was intended to be in a rough sounding language for added effect):

“And my army of brothers went over the hilltops, drenched in blood we may be… But fighting is all left to me… Together with my army of brothers… Down we fall… Darkness in all… Through hell!”

“And my army of brothers went over the mountain…” and then at the end she repeats it and says the entire thing. the drill Sergent says “Present arms!” “Fire” when he is yelling “Do you want to die! do you!? faster! go go!” when he got his hair shaved he said ”we are ODST!”

The second movie poster for Halo: Fall Of Reach, this time, it only took me 3 hours with no cups of tea and photoshop. Hmm, interesting statistic… More tea = Less time? I shall investigate soon. Just to let you all know, I’ll soon be writing a featurette on Halo: Fall Of Reach. I’ve made both posters, for anyone wondering. Full view: Here

Another art update it seems is needed, I’ve been having some unusual artistic bursts of energy lately, this is the result of one of said bursts. The poster is that of the Halo Movie, of which it’s American working title is ‘Halo: Fall Of Reach‘ which I chose to place in there instead of just ‘Halo’ to avoid confusion between the movie and the original game. Photoshop, 2 hours and two pints of tea later and this is the result. The movie is estimated to be released in mid-2012.

Full view: Here

Just a quick Update. Found a few videos on the YouTubes concerning GenCon this year.

The following video is pretty good but wait for the Dance Dance Revolution segment at the 6 minute mark. Trust me guys you will enjoy it. Team Haunted Flowers does a good job catching the feel of GenCon in this video. Even if some of the effects are a bit annoying and the camera moves a bit too quickly sometimes. Then again that’s the way it is when you are there. You just don’t know what to look at. (watch the video. seriously guys. Wait for the 6 minute mark. Trust me.You don’t want to miss Red Sonya dancing her booty off.)

NOTE:IT’S BACK!

Here is part two of Team Haunted Flowers. The first video is better of course but the last three minutes of this one is a slide show of pictures that they took of all the costumed individuals. Slide-show starts at the 6:22 mark.

I definitely need to take a nice camera and a video Camera next year.

CombatAdvantage has a nice video slide-show of costumes as well. The song gets a little annoying so may want to turn down the volume.

If I was to vote on the Cutest costume/girl at gen con this year it would have to be the one in the Rikku costume from the Final Fantasy series. Not only was the costume great but she fit the character and just on her own was extremely cute. I wish I would have gotten a better picture but the ones I took look like crap. The following slide-show is of more costumes and she can be found at the 6:02 mark and the 6:18 mark. There is also a close up of one of the sexiest costumes at the 7:31 mark. The Character is Cortana from Halo. Google and check images. I think she pulled it off pretty good.

If I would have taken more pictures I wouldn’t have had to gone looking for other peoples pictures and videos.  pulidoa’s Gencon set is probably the best I’ve found so far in quality as well as quantity. Yes there are two really good shots of Rikku. Link is HERE ,        Rikodog has a really good set too. And finally Ken has some pretty good pictures on his Myspace Profile. As of right now its public but if he changes that I may edit this part out. (great pics Ken. Why no pictures of me? My boobs don’t bounce enough?

Every year there is a costume contest and this years winner was pretty cool. Her costume (like most) was hand made…Well just watch the video it explains it all.

26 settembre 2007: Elly faceva 26 anni, io avevo iniziato da poco più di un mese a lavorare alla Fnac ed era il mio giorno di riposo.
Lei era in ferie, ma quella mattina, alle 9.30, eravamo tutti e due davanti al negozio, aspettando che aprisse, tra un caffè e quattro chiacchere.

Il buon Federico ci guuarda come si guardano due drogati in astinenza e ci consegna ciò per cui eravamo venuti, ossia questo

Già, la mitica (ed enorme) Legendary Edition di Halo 3.
Di corsa a casa della mia adorata collega, rivestiamo immediatamente i panni di Master Chief e tutto è così HD che quasi non ci si crede.
Alla faccia dei 720p non nativi, io trovo che ancora oggi Halo 3 regga il confronto con altri giochi, magari un’altra volta farò uan recenzione su questo giochillo (o sula trilogia, chissà).

Quel giorno rimanemmo incollati allo schermo per 6 ore consecutive, arrivando quasi alla fine del gioco, salvo interrompere per motivi altri.

Gioco ad Halo dal 2003, mi innamorai del primo capitolo, limonai duro col secondo e col terzo, bè…credo che ci arrivate da soli, no?

in questi giorni mi sono concentrato su una sfida che mi ero imposto da un bel po’: Finire Halo 3 in Leggendario.
La difficoltà massima, l’impossibile, la sfida che otevano tranquillamente chiamare “Smadonno Mode”.

Ieri sera, dopo una settimana di gioco continuativo, finalmente ce l’ho fatta.

2 anni.
Perchè una tortura simile?
Ovviamente per una cosa che dura circa 3 secondi e che non puoi vedere in altro modo (oltre al fatto che avere sbloccato un obbiettivo così non è mica da ridere).
A meno che non vai su Youtube, digiti “Halo 3 legendary final” e ti vedi tutti e tre i finali nascosti della trilogia.
Ma dove sarebbe il gusto?

Ultimo, ma non meno importante:

Grazie a Diobrando per l'ispirazione (clicca per capire perchè)

I had a fantastic long weekend. It was actually quite long. It started last Wednesday and ended yesterday. So really, it was almost a full week, not a weekend. Either way; totally amazing.

I went down to Mass with my former 4-H leader, her two kids, and another guy. It was a grand journey to the Northeast Youth Sheep Show (known as NEYSS from here).  Wendy, my former 4-H leader, has bugged me for years to go to NEYSS, but I always said no. This year, my parents basically forced me to go because we have, and I quote my father, “The best yearling we’ve ever had.”

That is a very true statement. The only yearling who I think might have been better than Siren was Gloria, who was actually Siren’s aunt. However, I got Gloria my first year with sheep, so I wouldn’t of had the ability to show her to her fullest potential.

Anyway, the first show was the showmanship classes, which is when the person leading the sheep is judged on how well they handle and present the animal. I bombed that part of the show. I totally tanked. Not only did I get last place, but my sheep almost got away. At youth shows, it is frowned upon showing your sheep with a halter on. I’ve only trained my sheep with halters and the sheep I brought in for showmanship wasn’t behaving. And Cortana is a big ewe. She has to weigh at least two hundred pounds and at her head, she’s as tall has my bustline; that’s got to be four feet tall.

Well, Cortana wasn’t too impressed being in the showring. When I tried to place her feet, she bolted. Unfortunately, she didn’t have a halter on for me to grab onto the lead, so I had to keep my hand under her neck. Even more unfortunate, the combination of the floor and the shavings on the floor made the floor very slippery. First, Cortana slipped and fell; I was on the ground shortly after.

My knee broke my fall. Now I have a god awful bruise. After that display in the showring, the judge pretty much HAD to place me in last.

I did fantastic in the breed classes though, when it’s the sheep being judged. My lowest placing was fifth and my best was first. Not only did I get first in one of the classes with Siren, but when it came to the champion drive, I got Reserve Champion with her. That means, I had the second best Hampshire sheep present at NEYSS. I was excited.

Even aside for how well I did with my sheep, I had so much fun this weekend! I would say a little bit too much fun, actually. See, this is where the “complication” in this post’s title comes in. Like I said, I headed down to Mass with my former 4-H leader, her two kids, and another guy. Me and this other guy, Benjamin**, have always gotten along very well at the other fairs throughout the summer.

But at the other fairs, we aren’t with each other all the time because we go to the fairs with our respective families. So, it’s usually not that constant interaction kinda thing. Essentially, at NEYSS, we really couldn’t have gotten away from each other if we wanted to.

Even though Benjamin** has a girlfriend who he is completely, cutely committed to, he’s one of those guys that is always kind of a flirt. So me and him flirted a lot, which we both thought was just harmless fun. I mean, we’re both happy in the relationships we’re in, despite the fact that both of our relationships are long distance (well, his is just long distance for the summer).  We were jusst flirting for no reason and for no end. Long distance relationships are really difficult and lonely, so a little harmless flirting couldn’t be too bad. It makes you feel wanted when you’re significant other isn’t there to make you feel wanted.

On the six hour ride home (thank you, traffic) this flirting went a lot firther than it should have. Aside from Wendy, who was driving, everyone but me and Benjamin** was asleep. We were both beat. I was in the middle seat in the backseat, so the only way to comfortably try to sleep was to lean on someone else. I chose to lean on Benjamin** because my other option was Wendy’s daughter, who is smaller than I am and I didn’t want to wake her up because she had been annoying over the long weekend.

After half an hour of leaning on him, I still wasn’t asleep and, apparently, neither was he. All of a sudden I felt his hand creeping toward my left boob. Nothing in my conscious told me to stop him. I recognize it was the wrong thing to do, but I didn’t stop him. I let him feel up my chest and it felt good. Soon after, I began rubbing his dick and after we kissed he raspily said “harder.”

I think it was a good thing that were only a mile away from the rest stop we all had been dying to get to because we were all starving.

This was late Sunday night when that all happened. Yesterday, obviously Benjamin** and I both thought it was important to talk about what had happened in the truck the night before. I found out I wasn’t the only one who didn’t feel any remore or regret or even feel bad about what had happened. And we agreed that probably wasn’t a good thing and didn’t say much about our current relationships.

We were both glad it didn’t make our friendship awkward like we both thought it might. Especially if anyone else picked up on any awkwardness. I know Wendy would not have been impressed AT ALL.

Needless to say, I’m not planning on telling David about this. I feel like I should but it was just one accidental encounter. I won’t say it was harmless because it wasn’t. But worse things have happened to other people?

** Name changed because if his girlfriend found out, she would be ripping-shit pissed.

Since none of my good friends were on Xbox Live I had allot of spare time to make this,

- enjoy

Sisierto!

Escribo esto con la mente aturdida por un buen trago de vodka con leche de chocolate. Por lo tanto, las opiniones aquí expresadas no corresponden a Qwrtyp!, sus asociados, WordPress; o al diablo, tal vez ni siquiera las mías.

El futuro no nos da precisamente su mejor cara en este momento. De hecho, nunca nos la ha dado. He escuchado mis propias opiniones quejándome de “los buenos tiempos” cuando en realidad me la pasaba quejándome en esos buenos tiempos. Así nos la hemos llevado, comparando esta época con otra, argumentando que todo tiempo pasado fue mejor, maldiciendo lo nuevo y alabando lo viejo. Vayámonos a la verga, así seguiremos hasta que muramos, el día del Juicio llegue, o ambas cosas sucedan, si no es que el Covenant nos destruye en un abrir y cerrar de ojos, sin un Master Chief que nos proteja de las amenazas exteriores. Lo siento, tenía que insertar una referencia nerd para que Google me regale algunos dólares por publicidad casual. No volverá a ocurrir, al menos ya no en este post.

Soy un lector de periódicos y estoy al tanto de las noticias ahora que tengo un poco más de tiempo libre, y es abrumadora la cantidad de noticias pesimistas que nos llegan a cada momento. Gracias por nada, Eluniversal.com.

GM y Chrysler a punto de quebrar, muro fronterizo en la frontera, Iraq, Irán, Corea del Norte, cambio climático, crisis en México, A H1N1, Hi5, inflación, roce entre las superpotencias, apestamos en fútbol, la Iglesia Católica y sus estupideces, la peor publicidad en décadas (suckeas mal pedo, IFE), narcos, separación de The Dresden Dolls, you name it…

¿Algo de esto me preocupa? No tanto como debería. Roy Campbell dijo alguna vez: “La mayoría de las cosas que tememos nunca ocurren”, y ese es mi mantra. Aparte, si algo sale muy mal, tenemos la opción del suicidio. Suena estúpido, pero una vida más o una vida menos no harán la diferencia. Igual nos cargará la chingada a todos, y tener el poder de la muerte (al menos la propia) es reconfortante. Acabas contigo antes de que algo o alguien más lo hagan. Me parece una buena opción.

¿Y mi familia? Buen punto, tendré que dispararles también.

¿Y mis vecinos? No verán más mi ropa interior colgada para secarse, y eso será una gran decepción.  Los mataré también.

¿Y mis profesores? No quiero que se queden aquí haciendo más daño mientras yo no los vigilo. Al diablo con ellos.

¿Y mis representantes políticos/religiosos? ¿A cual Rubraiden más le chuparán impuestos/limosnas? Los anotaré en la lista.

¿Y mi novia? Mejor conmigo que con otro güey que no la quiera tanto. También a ella, caray.

¿Y mis amigos? No soportarán el dolor de perderme, me los llevo al Cielo conmigo. Al Infierno, qué más da. Puede que la Iglesia no tenga razón en cuanto a nuestro destino final, y descansemos en una hamaca mirando una HDTV portátil en la panza, mientras bebemos refresco de Kiwi y Fresa y botaneamos taquitos al pastor por el resto de la eternidad. No me suena nada mal, siempre y cuando esa HDTV esté conectada a un Xbox 260. ¿Ya ven? No es publicidad casual si no existe. Puta, qué mal chiste. Espero que esto me recuerde nunca volver a escribir bajo el influjo del alcohol. ¡Vergie, panochie!

¿Y la demás gente? Dios, tendré que dispararles a todos. Creo que yo acabaré con la humanidad tratando de protegerla. Aunque no es tan mala idea empezar de cero. Seré un héroe. La civilización que nos suceda me recordará con una canción. Y un día feriado. Y ya basta de tanta mamada, Rub. Vete a la mierda, pendejo idealista. Aunque tengas razón. Ya, dale en publicar. Basta de esto. Cambio y fuera. Adiosito. Ciao. Bye bye. Over & Out. Cu later. Tqm. De rato. Nos vemos.

Halo Wars: What’s Wrong with Singleplayer?

We know it’s good but what would make it better…

by TWODOGSz

©2008 Aaron Bertinetti:- NE (News Editor)

So the consensus here at OXCGN is that Halo Wars is pretty damn good. In fact Arthur declared greatness with a 9/10. But personally I’d declare something akin to goodness. It’s made RTS exciting and accessible on a console like never before and has the distinct and authentic smell of the ever-deepening Halo universe.

OXCGN also discusses the missgiving of the Multiplayer aspects in Part two, make sure you check that out to round out your Halo Wars discussion.

But it’s not perfect. In fact far from it.

Halo 3 was for many reasons a critical and commercial darling. Pure gameplay, seamless co-op campaigns, challenging AI and difficulty spread, multiplayer matchmaking second to none, unprecedented online community integration, an engaging universe and story that extended an already epic narrative curve, a captivating and identifiable protagonist, and the many wonders of Forge in which players were provided an abundance of tools for user generated content spanning game modes, maps, films and photo.

And people continue to play it, even when more modern shooters have taken (some) of Bungie’s innovations and deservedly captured audiences of their own (see CoD4, Gears 2, Left 4 Dead, Resistance 2 and Killzone 2).

The problem for Halo Wars is that Bungie set such a high bar, not just for the industry at large, but most particularly for every Halo game to follow. And that’s predictably where Halo Wars falls short.

How can that be changed through DLC, updates and inevitable sequels? Read on for my critique of what’s wrong with the singleplayer experience and feel free to follow up with your own in the comments below.

Story

It’s perhaps the most obvious of criticisms, but Halo without Master Chief is well… different.

What’s perhaps not obvious until playing through Halo Wars is how deceptively fascinating the “chief protagonist” is in Bungie’s trilogy. The development of key characters such as Cortana, the Arbiter, the Prophets, Guilty Spark and Major Johnson ensured the franchise’s players became increasingly complex, conflicted and most importantly engaging.

Halo Wars on the other hand is an exercise in video game storytelling existing merely to service the action. I don’t care about the cardboard cut out stereotypes of the grizzled experienced Captain Cutter, the alpha male Sergeant Forge, the Eurasian American (whatever that means) “she’s sorta hot” scientist Anders, and the casting central bad guy Arbiter.

In fact the nicest thing I can say about Halo Wars’ story is that it expanded my understanding of the events prior to the Bungie franchise and of the incredibly darker origin of the Spartans than I was previously aware of.

The concept that Spartans were initially created to “control” the human population, means that I will now forever regard Master Chief as this generation’s T-800 anti hero.

Many reviewers have rightfully noted how good the cutscenes look, and I’d concur. The problem is that they’re almost completely devoid of humanity and fail to engage the audience in anything more emotional than “that explosion was awesome!”. They’re simply an exercise in “we’re going from A to B” with some substandard dialogue and lazy humour from the Cortana wannabe Serina (not funny).

The one  exception being the latter scene with Forge, the Arbiter and the Spartans going all Neo on a horde of Elites. That scene thoroughly deserved my popcorn.

In comparison Bungie’s franchise used cut scenes more sparingly, with later games more focused on retaining the player’s first person view of events and character in a method that Portal and Left 4 Dead have continued to advance. Being an RTS is no excuse for the lack of a meaningful story with protagonists to care about either. I still vividly remember the stories of Arthas, Thrall and Grom from Warcraft 3, and that had not nearly the technology clearly available to the development team here.

Halo Wars has the shell of characters to invest complexities and conflicts in, but unfortunately for the time being it seems unable or unwilling to invest in anything more than the most basic of popcorn entertainment. Can this be fixed? Well not if we’re talking about the Halo Wars 1, that’s unfortunately “gone gold”. But if the next issue can be addressed there might be hope yet.

Convenant campaign

Now the cynic in me believes that this already exists in some development stage and Microsoft are simply saving it for a sequel or DLC announcement down the road. And there’s probably a reasonable argument that the cost and risk involved in a new IP, even when contained within a franchise’s sprawling universe, made this an unfeasible feature, but it doesn’t stop us from dreaming. Although in light of the mixed reaction of gamers to Halo 2’s Arbiter sub plot, it’s perhaps understandable. But that’s where Halo Wars offers the perfect opportunity.

The FPS trilogy always existed in fear of alienating the core audience and their love for MC.

So it’s not surprising Bungie was yearning for fresh IP, having cornered themselves (with Microsoft’s help) into one (super)man’s story. Freed of the burdens of telling Master Chief’s story, Halo Wars can explore anything in the Halo universe it so desires. In fact there’s no preconceived need to even focus on the motivations and tribulations of the humans at all.

There are two approaches to a Covenant campaign. The most obvious is a parallel campaign in which the current story is told and played from the Covenant perspective. It’d be relatively easy to develop given all the game mechanics and units are already in place and would only require some new maps, cut scenes and a handover to human control.

But whilst I think this is a likely expansion within the next few months, I also think it’s playing it safe. What I’d really like to see is an entirely separate campaign.

Telling a separate Covenant story provides a relatively fertile green field for storytelling.

Entire campaigns could centre around the war & politics within the Convenant, the rise of the Prophets, the Oracle’s human origins, and the defeat of the Elites who died in the hope of preserving the Forerunner artefacts.

The pre-Halo universe would also give developers far more creative licence to design new units and structures for gamers to play with and set a broader base of game-based fiction from which other titles could launch off.

It would represent a prime opportunity to expand the universe for the majority of gamers who don’t care for Halo novels on bestseller lists, whilst potentially expanding the audience of the franchise further and giving context to sequelled developments of the core FPS series.

Whatever the powers that be decide, if the DLC route is taken I suspect it’ll be released as part of a pincer movement, with ODST and Halo: Chronicles, broadening the Halo brand this year.

Stay tuned for tomorrow where I delve into my biggest misgivings about Halo Wars multiplayer offerings… Or should I say the lack thereof?

©2008 Aaron Bertinetti: (News Editor)

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