“Coupling” is one of the great sitcoms of the modern age. But, those who really deserve the credit are those who starred in it, bringing exceptional writing to life, for creating such a likeable, yet complicated cast of characters. Also, I need to start calling it by its true genre name- a Britcom.  Providing the most stripped down explanation possible, the basic premise of “Coupling” examines how many ways one can discuss sex in its infinite forms and how it is viewed so differently by members of both sexes.

Like its cousin across the pond, “Friends,” which was in production at the same time as “Coupling,” there are six principle characters- Steve, Susan, Jeff, Jane, Patrick and Sally; each with his/her own special mix of eccentricities. Steve, played by Jack Davenport, who is asked to deliver some of the best monologues ever to escape the mouth of a comic actor, is plagued by his inability to say “no” and otherwise make any decisions related to relationship building. (We never do find out what he does for work (at least not in Season 1 or 2), but I wouldn’t be surprised if his lack of decision-making skills washed over into that part of his life as well.) For comparison sake, Ross from “Friends” would be Steve’s counterpart.

Susan, played by Sarah Alexander, who is dating Steve for much of the series, most closely mirrors Rachel from “Friends” as she pretends to be very sure of herself, but in more private moments she really isn’t as in control as her public persona implies.  Sally, portrayed by Kate Isitt, makes the viewer think of Monica from “Friends.” It’s not hard to imagine that Sally was probably a heavy set kid who has been trying for years to shed that old body image, in exchange for her new, thin, cosmetically enhanced one. Jane, played by Gina Bellman, is Phoebe of “Friends” through and through; strange as ever in her thinking about her relations with men and how she is viewed by others.

The counterparts of the last two characters fall short as both are a mixture of Joey and Chandler of “Friends.” Patrick, transformed into character by Ben Miles, is so self-assured, aware of his desirableness and how he can use it to perfection in order to get exactly what he wants, which is ever more sexual partners. And last, but certainly not least, is Jeff, played by Richard Coyle, a true master of comedic timing and lighting quick delivery of buttery smooth lines. As Jeff, Coyle utters some of  the best zingers ever to grace comedy and in such a way that, despite his goofyness and uncanny ability to put his foot all the way in his mouth repeatedly in one sitting, he creates an atmosphere in which the viewer starts to cheer on Jeff’s heightening embarrassment,taunting him to squeeze as much life out of the joke as is humanly possible. Sadness overtakes me when thinking that this exceptional actor chose to leave the series after three shining seasons. It was a blow to the series as a whole. The gentleman who replaced him didn’t come within the ballpark of Coyle’s magnetic comedic performance.

It is these six characters that brought “Coupling” to such a sweet fruition that is like nothing else I’ve seen before or since. While comparisons can be made to “Friends,” there is no question that Coupling is far superior. “Coupling” represents a Britcom that is worth a watch, with many more laugh filled views to follow.

The human web and christmas gifts

You have been buying books at amazon.com for 5 years now: typing www.amazon.com in your browser, searching for your book, adding it to the cart and entering your credit card information.

But this year, on December 15th 2009 something new happens. Amazon has launched an entire new “christmas discount program” and in their front page there is a huge ad notifying their clients about this new item.

How do you react?

“Contract violated! I am not buying anything today.”

The key issue in loosely coupled systems is the ability to evolve one side without implying in any modifications on the other part.

As some Rest guys agree, hypermedia content was the factor which allowed such situations to happen in the human web without clients screaming “i don’t know what to do now that there is a black friday clearance!” or “there is a new link in this page, let me email the ‘webmaster’ and complain about it“.

In the human web, some contracts are agreed upon and validated through end-to-end tests. Some companies will use tools as selenium-rc, webdriver or cucumber to drive their tests and ensure that expected behaviour by their clients does not break with a new release of their software.

Those tests do not validate all content, though, giving space for what is called forward-compatibility: the system is free to create new functionalities without breaking previous expected behaviour.

But my rest-client is not human

In the non-human web, the most well known media type used is xml, although not hypermedia-capable. There are a couple of ways to create forward or backward-compatible schemas that check xml structures, but – unfortunately – usually
fixed schemas will not invest part of its contract in order to making it forward-compatible: its an optional feature.

One option is to create “polymorphic” types through xsd schemas, which will get nasty if your system evolves continuously – not once every year – and you find yourself in a schema-hell situation.

One easy solution is to accept anything in too many places, which seems odd.

What are we missing then? According to Subbu Allamaraju, in RESTful applications, “only a part of the contract can be described statically, and the rest is dynamic and contextual”: you tell your client that they can believe you will not break the statically contract – you might use some schema validation to do that – and it’s up to you on the server side to not do it on the dynamic part.

Some might think it sounds too loose… let’s recall the human web again:

• xhtml allows you to validate your system’s fixed contract
• it’s up to you not to remove an important form used throughout the buying process

So, what are the dynamic parts of my “contract”?

In a RESTful application the contract depends on its context, which is highly affected by three distinct components:

1. your resource’s state

If a person had his application denied to open an account, your resource representation will not offer a “create_loan” request. A denied application is an information regarding its state.

While your company and application evolves, its common to find ourselves in a position where new states appear.

2. your resource’s relations

In a book store (i.e. amazon a few years ago), a book might have a category associated with it so you can access other similar books:

<book>
<name>Rest if you do not want to get tired</name>
<link rel="category" href="http://www.caelumobjects.com/categories/self-help" />
</book>



A couple years later, your system might add extra relations, as "clients which bought this book also recommend"

<book>
 <name>Rest if you do not want to get tired</name>
 <link rel="category" href="http://www.caelumobjects.com/categories/self-help" />
 <link rel="recommendation" href="http://www.caelumobjects.com/books/take-a-shower-with-a-good-soap-if-you-need-to-rest" />
</book>

When your company and application evolves, its common to find ourselves in a position where new relations appear.

3. your resource’s operations

In a REST application, your resource operation’s are represented by HTTP verbs: supporting a new one will not affect clients which use all other available verbs so far.

In the RPC/Webservices world, new operations would be implemented creating new remote procedures or services.

But how can my clients be sure that I will not break the dynamic contract?

Pretty much in the same way that you do in the human web: it’s your word.

In the human web, how do we guarantee that we will not remove or break some functionality the user expects to be there? We end-to-end automatically test its behaviour.
Our word (our tests) is the only reason to rest without worries that we will not break our client’s expectations. The same holds on the non-human web.

The dynamic contract should be throughly tested in order to not break our client’s expectations.

There are other approaches (as client-aware contracts) which might add some extra coupling between both sides.

HTTP+XML+ATOM gives us the possibility to work with both the fixed (schema validated) and dynamic (test validated) contract.

As Bill Burke pointed in a comment, “you can design your XML schemas to be both flexible and backward compatible ” and “companies, users, developers desire this contract”.

That’s the good points of using schemas, but its not everyone that use them in a flexible and backward compatible way. Even those who use might have a little bit of hard time to support it, i.e. having to maintain more than one entry point for each version of their schemas.

That’s when we can use the good points of the schema validation, as Bill pointed out, with the easy evolution advantages of a dynamic contract: as we do in the human web.

By using dynamic contracts as xml+atom following the Must Ignore rules, forward and backward compatibility is gained by default, independent on what the user does – assuming that tests are a must in any solution.

Dynamic contracts also give hints for frameworks, as they guide you on what your user can and can not do or access, but maybe not for tools, in a different fashion of what fixed contracts do: with a fixed schema I would be able to pre-generate my classes, while with dynamic schemas I the framework inject methods.

That’s why we try to take an approach which force programmers to adopt xml+atom. The entry point on the Restfulie framework is loosely evolution.

Its first example, the documentation and its examples do not focus on how easy it is to use nice URIs and the 4 most famous http verbs, but how easy it is to evolve your system using hypermedia and http: uri’s come soon afterwards.

And it seems to be working fine to far, the first developers using it in live systems have already supported hypermedia content as a way to guide clients through their systems.

Restfulie support in dynamic contracts

Matt pulver’s extension to Rails allows one to instantiate types with regards to their active record relations and attributes, but it requires every xml element to be present (strong coupling to the data structure presented by the server).

Using Jeokkarak (korean hashis), Restfulie instantiate objects matching your local data structure, supporting fields defined in your attributes and inserting extra fields for those elements unknown to your model.

For example, if you have a model as:

class Bill
  attr_accessor :value, :to_date
end

And the following xml:

<bill>
  <value>100</value>
  <to-date>10/10/2010</to-date>
  <taxes>0.07</taxes>
</bill>

The result is a dynamic object capable of answering to:

bill = Bill.from_web uri
puts bill.value
puts bill.to_date
puts bill.taxes

If your model was ready to accept such xml, Restfulie will do the job, whilst if it doesn’t recognize the attribute, it will still be available to you.

That’s the default Restfulie behaviour: to allow the other part to evolve their dynamic contract (and even parts of the fixed one) by default, without any extra effort from your side.

I chose to start my blogpost of today with a clip from one of my favorite comedy shows ever, Coupling, which I sorely miss… Jeffrey was my hero some years back (character in the series).

Most of this day I have been playing World of Warcraft (shocker, all day actually). Started out by finding 3 rare elites, where of I missed two on my achievement Frostbitten.

I’ve been looking for King Ping for quite some time now and today I finally found it wandering around at the western side of Spears island (an island I call Britney… but I haven’t seen her around tho).

I was also lucky enough to run into Tukemuth which I never seen before. He was a bit bigger than I expected and very easy to spot. Only 7 rares left for my frostbitten achievement now

Finally I got to finish Glory of the Hero which gives a red protodrake reward. I must admit I have been a slacker when it comes to farming the achievements needed for it. But last night it was finally mine, my first ever proto drake. Now all I need to be happy is the green one from Oracles in Sholazar Basin… tired of buying the egg and waiting 7 days for it to hatch now !

I’m ending this blog post with a picture of me, Silverhawk, in a warlock portal stone thingie. Whenever a warlock summons one of these I simply have to do my Han Solo impersonation *lol* It’s like they are begging for it everytime one of these appears ! If you don’t get it you obviously never saw Star Wars !!!

And this week’s quotes are:

“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’” – Jerry

“My name is Anastasia Beverhausen. That’s Anastasia like Russian royalty and Beverhausen like… where the beaver live.” – Karen

“We’re working, we’re moving, we’re in the zone, we’re grooving!” -Monica Geller

Sheldon: You keep in mind that my sharply-worded comments on Yelp.com recently took down a muffin store.

Alan: Greg knows I’m not gay.
Charlie: You sure? For 16 years he didn’t know he was gay

There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it’s not cheating if she’s from a different area code. You’re fine on all three counts. – Barney

Sally: [trying to explain to Patrick what platonic friendship with a woman is] What do you call people you go out with but don’t try to sleep with?
Patrick: Men.

Ladies, Gentlemen and Ili, please vote away!

This image is one of those “happy accidents”. This was taken in deep shade and my light setting the camera was still for bright sunlight. Oops! But even after resetting the camera I like this version better. I like the way the colors were distorted in this image. To me it had a definite painted feel to it which I really love. This was actually a detail of a train car coupling link. The combination of rust, corrosion, and shape were just to impossible to resist. A sense of flow like when a frown slowly shifts and bends into a smile.

Gas Hot Water heaters

Why do my Polite light keep going out ?
1. Check to see if the gas is on at the Water Heater and out side meter (easy over look)
2. Could be a bad thermo coupling
3. Thermostat control valve malfunctioning
4. If the Hot Water Heater flue pipeis connected to the same main flue pipe
That the furnace is hook to. When the furnace kicks on
It can blow out the polite light with back pressure.
5. Water heater in a very hot place. This is some thing that happens
in some parts of Texas like Houston. Where the hot water heater are install
In the attic. The attic can get very hot so hot that it well shut off the
hot water heater. The newer Hot Water Heaters that they have out
Today have a safety device that will cut off the hot water heater completely
Just in case it over heats for your safety. The temperatures in the attic can easy
Assed the 200 or more degrees and the water heater will shut down at around 160 Degrees.
Some hot water heater Manufacture will tell you these hot water heater are not design for the
Attic. But luck has it that some Manufacture will send you out a part that will over ride the attic
Heat and keep your hot water heater functioning. If you have this problem look on the side of your
Hot Water Heater and get the 1-800 Number give them a call and the manufactory will help you.

Not Getting enough hot water
1. Dip tub inside Hot Water Heater is broken off.
2. Thermostat control valve malfunctioning
3. Very old water heater with calcium built up inside (replace Water Heater)

Hot Water Heater making Loud popping Noise
1. To much calcium built in hot water heater
( You can flush the Hot Water Heater out, But that not a guarantee fix
And can be a difficult job. Save Time have it replace)

PEX iPlumb PLS PEX fittings are constructed of durable polysulfone resin and are compatible with both copper crimp rings and stainless steel clamps. iPlumb PLS fittings are lead-free and do not rust, corrode or change the taste of water. Visit our website www.iplumb.tv for additional information or call 800-842-2543.

Item #34106

(This isn’t finished. I’ll call this Chapter 1 of the story. Hope you enjoy. P.S. this is a rough edit. My mood is too poor to heavily edit. I’d end up scrapping it all.)

“Break Mama off a piece of that ass…”

“Julie! Be quiet, someone is bound to hear you.” Felicia’s face was almost as red as the wool scarf tucked around the collar of her jacket. Julie had that affect on her, hell on everyone within earshot. The woman had no internal filter. Anything and everything to cross her mind came pouring out of her mouth without a second thought.

“Ease up, Fee. Those guys make a living catcalling and flirting. Turnabout is fair play. Don’t you think?” Julie flashed one of her infamous smiles then went back to watching the construction workers across the street from their coffee shop.

Embarrassment poured off Felicia like a cheap perfume. Had she known her friend and business partner was going to be in one of her infamous moods, she would have blown off the trip to the bank and gone right back home. One person could only suffer so much of Julie before wishing they could wring her neck. Or in her case, hide under a boulder until the dust had settled.

Almost every single day Julie caused some sort of trouble that embarrassed the hell out of Felicia. It was like she did it on purpose.

“Please tell me you remembered to put the deposit together? I can’t spend all day sorting through receipts. Again.” Felicia cringed, remembering the last time Julie forgot to do her paperwork. In handwriting that only a doctor could translate, Julie’s daily tallies for the shop may as well be written in Greek. It was a nightmare.

“Of course I did, Fee. Take your meds and calm down.” A navy blue pouch flew across the counter and landed with a leathery plop. “You know what you need?”

“My brain scanned?” Why had she ever agreed to go into business with her best friend? The woman could hardly keep a fish tank clean and functioning, let alone a coffee shop.

“Don’t be a bitch.” Heels clicked across the tile, bringing Julie around the counter and face-to-face with Felicia. “You Need To Get Laid.” Each word was punctuated with a not so subtle thrusting of her hips.

“You are so crass. There is nothing wrong with not getting laid, Julie. Just because you seem to run on sex doesn’t mean the rest of us do.” Face hotter than the surface of the sun, Felicia grabbed the blue bank bag off the counter and prepared to make a hasty exit.

Unfortunately Julie’s long legs gave her a severely unfair advantage and had her across the shop in the blink of an eye. A foamy sea of strawberry blonde hair bounced in the sun coming through the glass door. The bright sunny day also gave Felicia ample light to see the annoyed look marring an otherwise stunning face.

“I don’t have time for this.” Felicia sighed softly.

“The bank can wait until tomorrow. Its not going anywhere, just like your love life.” An unladylike snort accented Julie’s sentence. “I’d understand if you were sneaking over there to make eyes at a cute teller, but you had to find the one bank in the city that doesn’t hire anyone under the age of forty!”

“I think you need another hobby besides worrying about my love life.” She had this discussion memorized.

“I am your friend. Your best friend, if you have forgotten. Its my job to worry about the fact that no living being besides your cat will see your lingerie!” Arms crossed under her breasts, Julie settled in for a nice, long argument. Something had to change. Felicia was getting crankier and more distant every day.

“I don’t own any lingerie, so no worries there.” Great, Julie had the look, the one that said either she do things her way, or prepare to be bitched at for the rest of her days. Well she sure hoped Julie had the stamina because nothing, not even her best friend was going to convince her that getting laid would fix all of her problems.

Men just weren’t that good in bed.

A long-suffering sigh escaped from Julie’s carefully painted lips. She wished that just for once, Felicia would cut loose and do something that hadn’t been planned at least three days in advance. Every time they went out to dinner it had been discussed to death beforehand. What was the fun in that? Something had to be spontaneous in her friend’s life before she went stale with premature aging.

“Humor me, Fee. Let me fix you up with someone.”

“No way. Scratch that, no way in hell. I know what your ideal man is like and it’s kinda scary.”

“I know better than to find you someone that I’d like. Give me a little credit.” Again Julie’s smile lit up the inside of the shop, making it damn near impossible to keep saying no.

“I don’t know…” The sentence never reached its conclusion. Julie took it as close to a yes as she was going to get and squealed excitedly.

Before Felicia could realize her mistake, Julie was outside and crossing the street. “Oh. Crap.” Felicia bolted out the door, trying to catch up to her friend. “Julie! I didn’t mean right now. Get back inside. We need to discuss rules and dates and times. You don’t just run into things like this!”

It was too late. Julie found her way through the chain link fence blocking off the construction from the rest of the neighborhood. Felicia tried to follow, not paying a lick of attention to the traffic around her. An angry honk echoed between the tightly clustered shops and offices, jarring her from her dilemma and possible embarrassment. The honking Honda bearing down on her managed to slam on its brakes and came to a stop less than a foot from her. Panic swelled in her chest, giving the appropriate adrenaline to spit a curse and sprint across the street. Thankfully no other cars tried to leave tire imprints on her new shoes.

Julie was really going to pay for being such a pain in the ass this time.

The usual ambient construction noises surrounding the partially vacant lot had stopped. Felicia cringed as she realized that almost every guy on the crew was watching them. A red-hot rush swept up her cheeks, staining them scarlet. Oh yes, Julie was going to pay for this.

“So what are you doing tonight?” Julie purred at one of the men. He had to be one of the biggest guys to ever grace Gods green earth. The guy’s muscles had muscles and those were still larger than anything she’d seen on a man before. He was already crossed off her potential list before Julie could confirm that he would be spending his evening at the gym. No man that spent that much time on his body would spend time and effort on a relationship. “Vanity, thy name is body builder…” Felicia muttered to herself.

“Fee! Oh you’ve got to meet…” Blonde hair flipped around so Julie could look back at the man in question. “Oh hell, I’ve forgotten your name already.” Her bottom lip poked out in a pout Felicia knew all too well. That pout let Julie get away with stone cold murder. Okay, not really murder, but sometimes her antics made Felicia wish she were dead.

“The name is Duke.” He was all tan skin and smile.

It took Felicia a second to get past the brilliant smile he was wasting on her to realize he was naked from the waist up. The blush she’d managed to chase off was back and brighter than ever before. Felicia’s face hurt from the heat of it.

Distracted by Duke’s unexpected nakedness, Felicia’s only thought was to grab Julie and get the hell away from the construction site. These men were here to work, not play Chippendales marketplace for the likes of them.

Constructions sites are, by nature, cluttered things. Tools, buckets, random piles of dirt end up scattered everywhere while chaos is reigned in and made into something useful. Had Felicia been in her right mind, she would have remembered this and tread carefully. But since she was trying really hard not to stare at the pert little nipples stranded on Duke’s hairless and well-muscled chest, she forgot.

With a loud clatter and a shriek the likes of which only a girl can makes, Felicia tripped over a bucket of screws and went ass-over-head in a brilliant tumble. Her fall was broken by, of course, the steel-toed work boots attached to Julie’s ally in her misery.

“You alright, miss? That was a nasty fall.” A work-worn hand reached down to help her regain her footing.

Felicia waved away the hand and stayed on the ground. Sitting was possibly the best thing she could think to do. Standing meant she’d be closer to Julie. Being closer to Julie meant she could wrap her scarf around her best friend’s neck and tighten it until she couldn’t breathe any more.

“Oh my god, Fee! That was incredible, painful looking, but incredible.” Julie knelt down; careful not to stick her knee in the puddle Felicia had barely managed to miss. “If you wanted to make a good first impression, I think your technique needs some work.” She whispered quietly while wiping a streak of dirt from Felicia’s jacket.

“Remind me to wring your neck after I manage to salvage my dignity.” Felicia hissed.

“Salvage fast. Duke wants to take you to dinner tonight.”

“I am not…”

“Can it. He wants to do it to make up for you tripping all over his worksite.” Julie sighed and picked up Felicia’s scarf. “Go out with him. Call it a business meeting for all I care. Just get out of your house for the night. Please, Fee. I’m worried about you.”

Felicia straightened her back, ready to tell her friend where to shove her concern, but the look in Julie’s eyes stopped her words dead in their tracks. She really was worried. “Fine.” A high-pitched squeal rattled off the surrounding equipment. “But on one condition.”

“Name it. I’ll do anything to see you enjoying life again.” Hope glistened in Julie’s eyes.

“No more trying to fix me up after this. I damn near died today, not that you noticed once you made it to beefcake central.”

“Excuse me, ladies.” Both girls looked up, startled. They had forgotten all about Duke and his crew. “I need to let the beefcakes get back to work. My office is right over here. We can get you all cleaned up in there.”

For the umpteenth time since she’d walked out of her front door, Felicia was blushing. This time it seemed permanent. Duke and his men had heard them talking. How could anyone, even the vivacious Julie bounce back from something as embarrassing as that?

Dusting off more than just her ego, Felicia managed to stand without further embarrassing herself. Mentally she marked up a point on her tally. It was going to take quite some time to regain any of her cool points. They were in the negatives thanks to Julie and her need to meddle in things.

Duke’s office was actually a small trailer on the backside of the property. The outside was so dirty and rusted that both girls almost didn’t go towards it. An alarm was going off in Felicia’s head. Serial killers and rapists stay in places like that. Not well meaning construction workers who asked you out on a date. It didn’t help that Duke was still topless and way too comfortable that way.

The muscles on his back rippled in a memorizing rhythm while he climbed the short staircase leading to the door. Julie and Felicia stopped at the bottom and were totally lost in the view. Julie absently chewed on her bottom lip, letting her pale green eyes take in his entire backside with slow, subtle sweeps. Felicia stared so hard she forgot to breath. A wheeze pulled from her neglected lungs, forcing her to resume normal function.

“Jackpot.” Julie nudged her friend and plastered on one of her infamous smiles before bouncing up the stairs behind Duke.

“Shoot me.” Felicia replied before she could make her feet do the walking thing and followed them into the trailer.

Inside of the trailer, Felicia was pleasantly surprised. The place was spotless. A nice set of matching chairs sat in the middle, a small coffee table between them. There was no desk to be seen. Only a wall of filing cabinets made the space look official in any way.

“My dad always worked behind a desk. I spent most of my life thinking he didn’t have legs because of it. This suits me much better.” Duke waved a hand towards the chairs. “Pop a squat ladies. I’ll get you something to clean up with.”

Julie looked like she was about ready to explode with laughter. Her cheeks were pink and puffed out with the effort to keep quiet. She looked at Felicia and silently repeated, pop a squat. No one had ever been so crass around her. Normally men were on their best behavior in hopes of landing a kiss.

“Breath, Jules. You are going to turn purple.” Felicia whispered as she sat in the closest chair. The soft leather squeaked under her weight. She hated leather furniture. It was always embarrassing.

Julie lost her battle with the fit of giggles tickling her ribcage. A long hoarse laugh flew up out of her mouth unchecked, filling the small space. Felicia’s ears rung with her friend’s amusement. She was so glad to provide comedic relief.

“Jesus Christ, who let the dodo out?” Duke asked when he emerged from the bathroom. “Here you go, miss. These should take off most of the muck.”

Felicia eyeballed the box of baby wipes and shot him a wary glance. “Uh, thanks.” She fished out a damp cloth and set about wiping the mud off her arms and legs to the soundtrack of Julie’s failed attempts to regain control of herself.

“So Julie here says you are some sort of reformed nun. What on earth…” Duke’s question didn’t have a chance to finish. Felicia let out an aggravated growl and threw a wad of soiled baby wipes at Julie, stopping his thought process.

“You damned liar! I told you to stop using that story on your lame attempts to land me a date!” Her movements were tensed with anger. For once in her life, Felicia actually wanted to punch someone. “This is the last straw, Julie. I told you to leave my sex life alone and yet you still interfered. All it got me was a sore ass and mud all over my new coat. Way to go!”

“Oh like I am the only one to blame here. You are still carrying a flame for whatshisname that left you five years ago. Five years, Fee! How many times have you been laid since then? I can count them on one hand. Get over him. Get over yourself. Most importantly, get laid. Your lack of libido is suffocating me.” Julie looked about ready to cry. She’d set out to do what she thought was the right thing, but as usual Felicia was chastising her. It wasn’t fair.

“Don’t bring Bruce into this, damnit. He didn’t leave me; his job transferred him to Florida. I was supposed to go, but we didn’t have the money to ship my stuff.”

“Then why didn’t he keep calling after he moved? Huh? Bruce dumped you. Get it in your damn skull!”

“Oh that’s it!”

“Excuse me, ladies.” Once again Felicia and Julie looked at Duke, realizing that they’d forgotten him. “Don’t mean to pry, but I do have a job to do.”

“I’m so sorry, we’ll get out of your hair.” Felicia stood, grabbing her purse with such force that her fingertips hurt. She was still spoiling to punch Julie’s ticket.

“Don’t leave so fast. We have a matter to discuss.” Duke smiled warmly and nodded to Julie. “She’ll be out in a minuet. Try to not maul one of my men, alright?”

A very rare blush graced Julie’s cheeks as she nodded and left them alone in the trailer. How had Duke done it? Felicia could count on both hands the number of times she’d seen her best friend blush since they’d met in junior high gym class.

“I really am sorry. If you need me to pay damages or anything for ruining your schedule just…”

“Oh stop that. I was talking about the date, Felicia. Or are you going to leave me hanging now? I know you just had a rather amusing and revealing fight with your friend, but I still would like the chance to get to know you better.” He reached out and for a second Felicia thought he was going to sweep a piece of hair behind her ear. It was a small gesture that was always sure to make her weak in the knees.

Instead Duke’s thumb brushed her cheek. The contact startled her so much she jumped back. “What are you doing?”

He held up his hand, showing her the dark smear of mud on his thumb. “You missed a spot. I didn’t think you wanted to walk out there looking like you’d had a bad facial.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.”

“So, will you go out with me tonight?”

“I don’t see where I can refuse now. If I walk out there without saying yes, Julie will strangle me.” Felicia sighed. Julie was right about her needing to move on. She hated that her friend was right. The knowledge sat like boiling oil in her stomach.

“Let me save you from a tragic and early death then.” Oh god, his smile could melt the panties off a snowwoman. “I’ll pick you up tonight at seven. Dress nice and try not to look so scared. I don’t bite unless asked nicely.”

Felicia blinked at him, testing the weight of his joke to see if he was really kidding or admitting that he was a cannibal. Stranger things had happened to her since Julie went on her epic mission to fill the cold spot in her bed.

“Alright. I… it would be a pleasure to go out with you tonight.” She chalked up another point for only stuttering once.

“No, the pleasure is all mine. See you tonight, Felicia.”

“Yeah, tonight…”

In a daze, Felicia made her way out of the trailer. Julie was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Her face was set in hard lines, like she was focusing on something way too hard. Felicia froze and looked around them. All she could see was the construction crew going about their work as usual. None of them were looking their way.

“What’s wrong, Jules?”

“I’m being good. Do you know haw hard it is to behave while standing in the middle of this many edible men? I think I deserve a reward for being this good.” Julie gave Felicia a pleading look.

“It can’t be that hard to behave, but you get a reward anyways. I need a dress for tonight.”

“Ooo! Shopping trip! I’ll call Cathy in to watch the shop.” She fished her phone out of the grossly oversized purse hanging over her shoulder. “I know the perfect place to take you. He’s going to be a puddle at your feet.”

“Just what I wanted, a date I can jump around in…” Felicia muttered before walking out of the construction site. The day was only going to get worse, she knew it.

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Despite my best efforts to not sink into lethargy and dribble away my better-spent time watching television, I can never seem to pry myself away from the glittering glisten of a shiny new season box set.  And thus, I’ve frittered away countless days watching season after season, series after series, pining for the quell to a confounding cliffhanger or unanswered quandary.  But alas and alack, not all of those questions could be answered.  Nay, many of my favorite shows are among those that have lived and died in the 2000s, and so – ah, yes – they shall be chronicled in list form.

10.  The Tick (2001-2002)
This quirky brainchild of a half-baked show, spawned from the cult comic book created by cartoonist Ben Edlund (and, inversely, a short-lived animated version), garnered less than a few rave reviews from the critics.  However, a dutiful crew of bandies have kept the legend alive, making sure that a blue body-suited Patrick Warburton (perhaps better known in the Seinfeld universe as Puddy the face-painter) made it to DVD.

09.  Wonderfalls (2004-2005)
The wonderfully pretense-free Wonderfalls operated on its own oddities, condoning the likes of apathetic twenty-somethings in less-than-turbulent times.  Protagonist Jaye – a likably dispicable underacheiver with a penchant for talking to inatimate objects – somehow begs the audience to cheer for her through her trials and tribulations of mediocrity.  Think Dead Like Me’s George Lass with a bit more wit and it’s clear to see why it’s a tragedy that this little engine that didn’t feel like it never stuck.

08.  Coupling (2000-2004)
It’s no wonder creator Stephen Moffat employed his own wife in order to write this hilariously uncomfortable British romp of a sitcom, nor is it a surprise; Coupling thrives off the chemistry of its quirky components – why, couples, of course.  It’s Ross-and-Rachel riddled with sexcapades and stickiness, all topped off with quick writing, dry wit and a hideous laugh track.  Perhaps America just wasn’t ready.

07.  Firefly (2002-2003)
Take Joss Whedon, Nathan Fillion, and experimental spaghetti sci-fi and throw them into a kettle-drum of a spaceship.  Add a few felonies and that Whedon whimsy to the mix and you’ve got a cult classic that never deserved (though, understandably got) the axe.  At least those fine folks in following managed to snag a DVD release, complete with four never-aired episodes the ‘verse just couldn’t do without.

06.  Undeclared (2001-2002)
It’s surprising to learn that two – yes, TWO! – of Judd Apatow’s star-studded series perished before season two renewal, perhaps because, well, no one was actually a star just yet.  After the untimely demise of the exorbitantly clever, bleak, and nostalgic Freak and Geeks in 1999, Apatow employed the help of a few familiar faces and chronicled the lives of many an awkard college freshman in the incredibly enjoyable and under-appreciated Undeclared.

05. Extras (2005-2007)
Ricky Gervais’s cringe-fest chronicling the pathetic happenings of hapless movie extras made us all appreciate a bit of unadulturated dry humor. Juxtapose Extras‘ brilliance with the tongue-in-cheek laugh-track-ridden show-within-a-show our protagonist unwittingly creates, and you’ve got a hideously hilarious gem (riddled with the likes of many a self-effacing celeb).

04.  Gilmore Girls (2000-2007)
Say what you will about the apparent chick-fest that is Gilmore, but don’t you dare glare at those gleaming smiles and frothy-colored DVD cases and judge this series by its cover.  Truly, not many more shows pack the heft, heart, and hilarity this one so earnestly offered up before we sadly had to bid adieu to our favorite dysfunctional family (that somehow, seemed to function just fine).

03.  Pushing Daisies (2007-2009)
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, Daisies didn’t deserve to go.  However, cancellation upset was no stranger to the talent behind this lush and lovely dramedy, as former Wonderfalls alum – Bryan Fuller and Lee Pace – bled their hearts into this little ditty as well.  But it’s condolence enough to have those two fateful seasons archived in bursting, blooming box sets, as this ever-resting series is a simple joy to obsessively rewatch.

02.  Battlestar Galactica (2004-2009)
There are no casual BSG fans. Nay; to know Galactica is to love it, and to love it is to live it.  There’s nothing about this show that doesn’t catch you and keep you, love you and leave you.  Alright, so I’m being ridiculously dramatic, but it’s perhaps warranted – and this not-so-guilty-pleasure has its cultish following clamouring for more.  So if you can swing the ridiculous overpricing of the multiple half-season DVDs, you might just understand what everybody’s frakking about.

01.  Arrested Development (2003-2006)
I don’t mean to be bold, but there are few things that will ever be able to stack up to the likes of AD. From the lunacy to the brilliance, the quirky to the questionable, the innuendos that stretched the seasons to the incessant pop-culture references, nothing can compare to the odd integrity of it all.  And perhaps that’s exactly the way it should be.  Rest in peace, Bluths, if you can.

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Download Checklist

Here is a checklist for performing design reviews when building service capabilities that are part of Service Oriented Architecture (SOA) initiatives. I have found this checklist to be very useful and can serve as a key document as part of the service development lifecyle. This checklist contains close to 50 questions and covers the following areas:

• Functionality
• Design decomposition
• Documentation
• Coupling
• Reuse
• Consistency
• Integration
• Performance
• Reliability
• Deployment

Feel free to customize this checklist based on your needs.

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I wrote this back in 2007 or so. Isis and Connor came to me on accident. I hadn’t thought that their stories would be so compelling until I wrote the first one. There is a second part to this, but it needs heavy editing. Please enjoy.

“Mmm, you’ve been a very naughty boy.” Isis purred as she walked around the bed, tapping the end of her riding crop on every post as she passed. Her long hair was loose, flowed around her like a cloak with each step. She wore nothing, her ample breasts swayed back and forth in time with her movements, almost a hypnotizing rhythm.

On the bed lay a man in his late twenties. His body was in perfect shape, abs cut so perfectly that he appeared to be carved of stone. His complexion was pale, almost too pale. The crowning glory was his long brown hair. It lay out like a fan above his head and moved as though it had a mind of its own while he writhed on the bed.

The man’s hands and feet were bound with white nylon ropes, the knots tied so that when he struggled the knot would slip down and tighten down on his limbs. He tried to stay as still as possible to spare his arms and legs, but it is very hard to stay still when in the hands of a woman such as Lady Isis.

Isis crawled onto the edge of the bed and settled herself between his legs. She licked her lips as she looked down on the luscious body offered below her like a sacrificial lamb. She reached out and touched the inside of his creamy white thigh with a single finger, tracing the barely visible veins with a long, blood red fingernail.

“Connor always bring the tastiest treats when he visits.” Isis continued to run her nails up and down the man’s thigh, admiring how his muscles tensed and twitched with each caress.

The man arched his back and closed his eyes. He had known great pleasure, but nothing compared to what he experienced under Isis’ careful hands. He was certain that if she even breathed across his rock hard rod at that moment he would lose his hard-fought control and spill over onto her impossibly pale hand.

Isis smiled and watched as the man sucked down deep breaths and tried to regain his composure. It wouldn’t be right for him to finish so soon. The night was so young and she intended to play with her newest toy all night long.

She slid her hand further up his leg and touched his sack carefully. He was close, oh so close and she had to be careful not to spoil the fun so early.

“So soft, dear one.” she cooed as she stroked back and forth across the tender skin with the back of a knuckle.

His breath caught in his throat as she continued to play with him. He had expected her to be cruel and punish him as the other masters had, but Lady Isis was so kind, so gentle. If he weren’t so aroused he might have cried. But oh she knew how to please a man, even one as worthless as he.

Suddenly Isis dug her nails carefully into the soft flesh under her hand.

“I want you to stay with me, dear one. I will not have you thinking of someone else while in my care, do you understand?” Isis studied him carefully, sure that he had escaped to a fantasy world, and that would not do. It was difficult to tell with this one. The others she had played with favored finding comfort in fantasies. This time she felt a little selfish. She wanted her toy to know who was giving him both pleasure and pain.

The man nodded quickly, afraid that she would lose her gentle manner if he crossed her. The mistress had the tenderest part of his body in her grasp. If she grew upset, he was done for as a male.

“Good.” She purred softly, her warm breath a ghost of touch across his shaft.

Isis leaned forward and licked quickly along the inside of his thigh. Needing to feel more, she lay down and began to kiss her way up his legs coming dangerously close to his manhood but stopping painfully short of her goal.

The sensation of the mistress’s long hair playing along his legs sent the man crazy. It was like being enveloped in the softest silk known to man and he couldn’t get enough of it.

Isis watched as his rod stiffened even more, become so hard it might burst. She moved her mouth to hover right over his sack and breathed in his scent. He was an overwhelming burst of sandalwood and lavender, an odd combination for a male, but it fit him.

Quickly her tongue darted out and licked a long line around the base of him. He tasted like heaven and she wanted to devour him right then, but she regained her composure and settled her head against his thigh.

A sigh slipped from her lips, breezing across his tight sack. Isis allowed herself to relax for a moment while encased in the warmth between her toy’s legs. Her thoughts drifted off as she thought over the night’s events. Connor’s sudden appearance had set her on edge. Even though he had brought this delicious present, he had broken the law in coming into her territory without notice.

Vampires were not allowed to enter another territory without notice, it was considered an attack on the Lord or Lady of the area and would mean a war between the two. Their world was one of dominance and submission. The balance must be maintained, not for their safety, but that of the mortals. Unchecked, the lesser vampires would run amok, slaughtering thousands to sate the horrible, horrible bloodlust that rode them all. Only the strongest could forsake this natural urge and they had become the Lords and Ladies ruling their kind.

Isis shook the thought her head and rubbed her cheek along the man’s thigh. He gifted her with a harsh gasp that brought a wide smile to her lips. Yes, she would enjoy this present, but Connor would have a lot to answer for when she was done.

Rolling onto her stomach again, Isis nibbled along the edge of the man’s groin and watched as he writhed under her attentions.

Despite the delicious distraction, Isis again found her thoughts drifting off to Connor. It wasn’t long ago that he would have been under her like this, begging and pleading for her to allow him release. Oh what times those were, but they are no more. Connor had fought long and hard to become Lord of his own territory. All of their games were over. It was such a heart-breaking loss. He had always been her favorite.

Frustrated with her lack of focus, Isis pushed away from her toy and sat up. She glared down at the man who was still writhing on the bed. How dare he enjoy himself while she was in utter misery?

Isis snarled and lowered her face to his thigh again. She licked a spot higher on his thigh then let her teeth sink into the sweet, tender flesh. She kept biting until her sharp canines pierced the skin and she felt his hot, coppery blood slide across her tongue.

Unaware of what her intentions were the man began to moan and pull against his restraints. This was not the first time he had been under a vampire. The blood loss was a small price to pay for the pleasures that they could give. The familiar lightheadedness that came with the feeding swept over him like a thick blanket. He waited for her to stop and continue with their play, but her voracious feeding never ceased.

Isis continued to drink until she was so full that everything in sight was tinted red. Very rarely did she gorge herself like this, but Connor had sent her into a rage with his mere appearance. It was bad form to kill humans; killing brought too much attention to their kind, but laws be damned. She was in a pissy mood and killing made her feel better.

Raising her head from the wound, Isis watched as the precious blood began to run down the slave’s leg and soak into the stark white sheets. She admired the beauty of it for a moment and then climbed down from the bed and began to dress.

As she fastened the button on her skirt, Isis felt a burning sensation in her stomach. The burning soon turned into a cramp the likes of which she had never felt. Her vision began to blur and darken around the edges. She reached for the pull cord that led to a bell in the servant’s quarters. Her fingers brushed the cord, but she fell and pulled the cord out of the wall.

Within moments several servants had entered the room to witness their mistress vomiting up blood and thicker things that looked as though they should have remained inside her. The ever-growing mass around her sizzled and bubbled as it hit the floor, eating into the carpet below.

Behind the mass of servants there were the sounds of arguing as Connor pushed his way into the room. He knelt beside Isis, careful to keep his knee out of the acidic pool of blood and intestines.

“What is wrong, dear one? Did you taste something you didn’t like?” He said softly with a smirk on his face. Connor’s hair bounced around his shoulders as he fought off a laugh. The plan had worked all too well. He was certain the creature on the bed would die long before she had a chance to feed. Obviously Isis had lost her touch at prolonging her usual fun and games.

Isis glared at him as she clutched her stomach. She tried to speak, but the effort only served to bring up another burning rush of poisoned blood. It spilled up out of her nose and mouth, choking off any attempt to scream in Connor’s despicable face.
“Such a pity, he was my favorite.” Connor looked towards the bed with its blood soaked sheets.

“The game is over, Isis. I win” He brushed a hand through the long chocolate colored waves that had haunted his dreams for far too long. Blood had begun to seep from Isis’ unfocused eyes. He watched as the last breath rattled from her damaged body. “Such a waste.” He whispered before turning to address the room full of panicking servants.

“Clean up this mess. I am Lord of this territory now.” Connor walked out without so much as a look back at his former mistress, a wide grin plastered on his face. Maybe now that witch would leave his dreams in peace.

“Well, you know what it’s like at the start, when they’re all fiery-eyed, and eager, and they haven’t seen you naked yet. And it’s like he’s smashing at your door with his mighty battering ram. And he’s promising to ravish you forever. So you brace yourself for man overload, and throw open the doors, and what do you find standing there? An oversized toddler who wants his dinner. And before you can say, ‘There’s been a terrible mistake,’ he’s snoring on your sofa, the fridge is full of empty bottles and the whole place smells of feet.” – Coupling

Earlier this autumn I had something of a retro kick and “dug out all of my old CDs” (read: looked up on iTunes) from junior high; after thinking, “I had some fucking good taste!” I started to listen to the albums as an adult rather than a 12-year-old pleading with her mother that the Parental Advisory sticker really wasn’t that big of a deal. And as I’m sure countless other women have, when I listened to Alanis Morissette’s “Not the Doctor” I thought: “Hey, this is the anthem for all of my broken, battered, and bruised romantic relationships!”

My past relationships all contain a certain guy: charismatic, funny, knowledgeable; but unfortunately also: immature, needy, careless. The Man Child. And these weren’t just personality faults, but actual life faults. While in college I made repeated excuses for guys that, honestly, were failing at life: living at home, parents’ supporting them, not doing their own laundry. In a Mid-Western academic environment it was a little chic, bohemish even. And through all of the romantic bull shit I realized (thank you Captain Obvious) that not only do I have to be a Whole Person to function well in a relationship, but he has to be a Whole Person too.

The problem with dating the Man Child is that it’s in every way exhausting. I waste time, energy, and effort on them and suddenly my social life has evaporated, I’ve gained 10-lbs, and I accept that a nice-night-in is the only kind of night I’m going to get. The Man Child is an investment that never pays back.

It started as a joke, but now I use this as a quality tool: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs for Dating. Remember old Maslow from Intro to Psych?

Always critically inquire of yourself how your potential boyfriend meets his own needs. Be honest. I like to place The Man Child at the Physiological/Safety level: his basic meeds are met (though most likely he’s not fulfilling his own needs – he’s got someone there holding his hand). This is no longer an option, and I expect my future dates to be solidly in the Love/Esteem stage. I don’t need the Self-Actualized Man yet, but I’m no longer messing around with someone that needs a nurse, a mother, that wants to put me on top of pedestal….

]]> http://fivewonders.wordpress.com/2009/10/28/butterfly/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:14:36 +0000 fivewonders http://fivewonders.wordpress.com/2009/10/28/butterfly/ http://stacyforsythe.com/2009/10/21/will-he-hold-your-purse/ Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:05:40 +0000 stacy http://stacyforsythe.com/2009/10/21/will-he-hold-your-purse/

COUPLING

As a breast cancer doctor, I’ve learned how to spot a devoted husband — a skill I try to share with my single and searching girlfriends.

By Robin Schoenthaler  |  October 4, 2009

“Everything I know about marriage I learned in my cancer clinic.” I’ve been known to say this to my friends, maybe more than once, maybe even causing some of them to grind their teeth and grumble about Robin and Her Infernal Life Lessons.

I can’t help myself. I’ve worked as a breast cancer doctor for 20 years, I’ve watched thousands of couples cope with every conceivable (and sometimes unimaginable) kind of crisis, and I’ve seen all kinds of marriages, including those that rise like a beacon out of the scorched-earth terror that is a cancer clinic.

It’s a privilege to witness these couples, but the downside is I find myself muttering under my breath when my single female friends show me their ads for online dating. “Must like long walks on beach at sunset, cats,” they write, or “French food, kayaking, travel.” Or a perennial favorite: “Looking for fishing buddy; must be good with bait.” These ads make me want to climb onto my cancer doctor soapbox and proclaim, “Finding friends with fine fishing poles may be great in the short term. But what you really want to look for is somebody who will hold your purse in the cancer clinic.”

It’s one of the biggest take-home lessons from my years as an oncologist: When you’re a single woman picturing the guy of your dreams, what matters a heck of lot more than how he handles a kayak is how he handles things when you’re sick. And one shining example of this is how a guy deals with your purse.

I became acquainted with what I’ve come to call great “purse partners” at a cancer clinic in Waltham. Every day these husbands drove their wives in for their radiation treatments, and every day these couples sat side by side in the waiting room, without much fuss and without much chitchat. Each wife, when her name was called, would stand, take a breath, and hand her purse over to her husband. Then she’d disappear into the recesses of the radiation room, leaving behind a stony-faced man holding what was typically a white vinyl pocketbook. On his lap. The guy — usually retired from the trades, a grandfather a dozen times over, a Sox fan since date of conception — sat there silently with that purse. He didn’t read, he didn’t talk, he just sat there with the knowledge that 20 feet away technologists were preparing to program an unimaginably complicated X-ray machine and aim it at the mother of his kids.

I’d walk by and catch him staring into space, holding hard onto the pocketbook, his big gnarled knuckles clamped around the clasp, and think, “What a prince.”

I’ve worked at cancer clinics all around Boston since then, and I’ve seen purse partners from every walk of life, every age and stage. Of course, not every great guy accompanies his wife to her oncology appointment every day — some husbands are home holding down the fort, or out earning a paycheck and paying the health insurance premiums — but I continue to have a soft spot for the pocketbook guy. Men like him make me want to rewrite dating ads from scratch.

WANTED: A partner for richer or poorer and for better or worse and absolutely, positively in sickness and in health. A partner for fishing and French food and beach walks and kayak trips, but also for phone calls from physicians with biopsy results. A guy who knows that while much of marriage is a 50-50 give-and-take, sometimes it’s more like 80-20, and that’s OK, even when the 80-20 phase goes on and on. A man who truly doesn’t care what somebody’s breast looks like after cancer surgery, or at least will never reveal that he’s given it a moment’s thought. A guy who’s got some comfort level with secretions and knows the value of a cool, damp washcloth. A partner who knows to remove the computer mouse from a woman’s hand when she types phrases like “breast cancer death sentence” in a Google search. And, most of all, a partner who will sit in a cancer clinic waiting room and hold hard onto the purse on his lap.

Robin Schoenthaler is a radiation oncologist at the MGH Department of Radiation Oncology at Emerson Hospital in Concord.

From http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2009/10/04/will_he_hold_your_purse?mode=PF

“You’re trouble,” he said. I didn’t know the gentleman, but he’s right. Yes, I am.

It was a brief exchange, yesterday – just a moment with no names – but filled with the fleeting flutter of engagement, and a little smile, the kind that lasts through long days, lightening them so they become more manageable.

It’s about connection; playful personas must exercise their reach, no?

In my world, words are the currency to gain passage, the gems that retain their value as well as their sparkle, rolling around in my mind’s ear with their sonorous suggestions, mischievous meanings, and oh so much volupté – sensory pleasure. Wordplay sustains the foundation of every friendship I’ve ever had - and the most passionate romantic relationships I’ve experienced. After all – where there’s wordplay, there’s often sexual fire. And I do love to play with fire.

Coupling, uncoupling, and recoupling

No one wants to die alone. There. I said it. We all think it. Especially as we get older. But should that thought determine the direction of our love lives?

Whatever the year of my birth, I’ve got a bit of kick left in these little legs. On a good day, I’m brimming with sexual energy – like many of us over 40. And I want to pour that energy into an erotic embrace, with an equally enthusiastic partner.

Tic toc, a different clock

I’m ready to take a bite out of life when something exciting – or someone – pops onto my planet. And I don’t wait around for him to be delivered on a platter – silver or otherwise. I never have. Why would I now?

Aches and pains? Naturally. But I’m still vital, curious, sexual, and able to pull off a little seduction now and then, or delight in being on the receiving end.

So why feel pressed to choose someone to spend my life with, unless it feels right? Unless he feels right, for me, in all the ways that matter? Just because there’s a tic toc not of my making in the background? Social pressure to be part of a couple, or fear of being alone?

Life à deux and life solo

Oh, I’d so much rather hear “you’re trouble” from an appreciative stranger! I can clutch those words to my breast with sweet satisfaction until a man who thrills me in every way slips beside me into bed… Of course life à deux is delicious! But it can also be deadening if it’s the wrong duo. And life solo – while harder in some ways – is also an adventure, freeing, and up to each of us to shape.

I hope I will always be “trouble.” And that means I won’t do what so many single people begin to do around 40, and even more so as the years stack up. And that’s settle. I can’t help but think it’s because in the back of their minds, there’s a little voice saying “I don’t want to die alone.” Perhaps it’s another variation: “I don’t want to live alone.”

Good voices, bad voices

Do you settle for relationships that don’t respect who you are, much less help you make yourself more? Are you coupling with too many caveats and compromises, whether for the first time, the second, or the third?

So many people are desperately searching for a partner, and willing to accept someone who doesn’t quite “fit,” but seems “good enough.”

I want, I want, I want…

“You’re trouble,” he said. That little phrase unchained a delirium of thoughts and images that remind me - 

• I still desire men; in fact, I love men, dammit!
• I want to put on my stilettos and stockings, and feel sexy.
• I want to wear my hot little pencil skirt with slits that I adore.
• I want to go out on the town with a man who leaves me breathless.
• I want to know he’ll have difficulty keeping his hands to himself.
• Then I want to frolic all night, in bed, on the floor, or anywhere else that might please us…

I want to wake to the heat of a lover next to me, to his smile, his fingertips seeking their favorite spots, his throaty voice as he whispers “J’ai envie de toi…”

And that heat is sexual, intellectual, emotional and mutual, charged with his imagination, and mine. Because I cannot settle.

And, because we’re both “trouble.”

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

More and more the trend is leaning towards including your fiance in your wedding shower. Wedding showers have been centered around all sorts of themes to include both couple’s tastes. Choose activities that encourage interactions between your guests to make it interesting for both male and female guests. And this doesn’t mean playing silly games if that isn’t your cup of tea.

No, there are more creative ways to throw a wedding shower. For example, if you have a good sized kitchen, why not throw a cooking shower party? Ask everyone to purchase gifts that can be used in the kitchen.  Perhaps center it around a fun food like pizza where everyone can get involved with creating the dough for their own pizza.  Have everyone choose from a variety of toppings, or even ask everyone to bring something from their own fridge as an unusual topping.  If you’re hosting the shower, but don’t want it at your home, you can look for  places around that teach cooking classes or some that show you how to make pre-made dinners. Hire them to come to your home or go to where they teach for the evening, to lead the guests through a few dishes and cooking techniques accompanied by appetizers you have made ahead of time. Follow with the dinner you and your guests have made. So it won’t be too long of an evening or overwhelming, buy the dessert and have your guests eat while opening your gifts.  Yum-m so much fun!

A wine and cheese party is another fun idea. Hire someone from a wine bar that can educate your guests on the way wine and food interact. A great activity is to do a blind taste testing of wines, lining the wines up with paper bags on them for a light hearted party. Have your guests taste and guess the type of wine, the nose & color, price range and assign points to each category they get right.  The person that gets the most right, gets a bottle of wine as a gift.

Perhaps the couple is outdoorsy or sports-minded.  If you live in an area with good weather, you could plan a fun shower outside with a pick-up game of softball, soccer, or volleyball along with a bbq.  Or, how about a mini-hike?  Invite the guests to wear comfortable shoes and clothes, and to show up at the beginning of an easy but beautiful hiking trail.  At the end of the trail, have a table set-up with food and drink.  Just remember to follow park regulations and have a plan to clean up after yourself.  At the end of the shower, you could even send the guests home with a nice favor of foot cream or bath salts.

Remember, games are not what make a party fun and in fact, most people cringe at the thought of them.  If you set the stage for friends and family to simply enjoy chatting with each other, everything will run smoothly.  Provide food that is appropriate for the time of day you’re throwing the shower and be sure to provide at least one alcoholic beverage and one non-alcoholic beverage. 

These are just a few ideas, let your creative juices flow and I am sure you can come up with the perfect couples’ shower to fit the couple’s personalities.

Last week, dating website OKCupid posted a blog about race affecting the chances of getting a response. While their candor about racism being alive and well is refreshing in an era of “We elected a Black president! Racism: OVER!” their findings were nevertheless flawed for many reasons, and skewed their argument a tad. (ReadWriteWeb nitpicked the blog post as well, and were eager to proclaim some of the results as “white men are today’s punching bag – at least on the OKCupid blog.”) The overwhelming finding: people were not very willing to date outside of their race, though they were curious.

There are many reasons that the findings were as commented on and analyzed as they were. The exact numbers of people polled, breakdown of racial makeup of said members, sexuality and gender were not released, which immediately calls the findings into question. More than that, though, and perhaps because of the distortion, the findings show that white men and women ultimately prefer to respond to and date their own race, and that Black women are the most ignored in message replies.

Oscar Wilde said that "art dictates life." If Couples Retreat is art, life is sad.

A few more interesting “factoids”:

- The better the match (broken down by responses to survey questions), the better the chance of receiving a message
- Black men are very likely to respond to Asian women (55 percent); Black males have a 17-percent chance of receiving a reply from Asian females
- White males have the best match rates with white females
- White men have a high rate of response (38 percent) from Black women
- White men dominate in getting responses; Black men are not as lucky (colors representing success; oh, OkCupid, you sly dogs!)
- White men are are not as responsive overall as those of other races
- White women would prefer to date someone of their own race/skin color (54 percent), and white men share a similar preference (40 percent)
- White people be RACIST…

(That last one may or may not be true.)

Again, I can’t speak for the validity of the findings, but I, like many people, immediately took the results at face value. When I first read the blog — admittedly, after seeing the ReadWriteWeb post — and processed the findings, I was overwhelmed with emotions. Sadness, confusion, anger, hurt, rage; my feelings ran the gamut. For a site seemingly as smart as OkCupid with seemingly intelligent daters on the surface, the data was that much more bothersome. This led me to process my own online dating past.

I have my own personal experiences in dating, and the vast majority of them have been interracial. I have been on the receiving end of the “it’s not you, it’s me” speeches, the non-replies, perusing profiles and seeing women explicitly state a preference for one race, blatant and subtle ignorance in profiles and responses. It was like marching into battle every time I logged onto the site, expecting to be shot down.

Like Miley Cyrus and Twitter avoidance as a result, this is an argument against dating.

Such is life in the dating world, as it is a battlefield (Pat Benetar did say it best), but I naively thought that online daters would be a more discerning, open-minded bunch. And OkCupid’s blog suggests that my past is within range of their results. Add to that the fact that my regular dating would fall in line with this as well, and it suggested a few things: either their findings were really true, I am a crappy dater, I haven’t met the right woman, and/or I should give up.

Then, I got all logical. What benefit is there to post such xenophobic-leaning findings on a dating site’s blog? Why were the methods of experimentation not published? And what can be done with the results, slanted or not? Well, there are answers to all of these.

Obviously, the OkCupid folks love crunching data and showing readers their findings. As America has been oddly quiet on racial issues since Obama was elected — though those DELIGHTFUL Birther/Teabaggers are not that shy — the idea of race in dating online is intriguing and rarely mentioned. While interracial marriage is legal in all 50 states since Loving v. Virginia (1967 Supreme Court case), and interracial dating and marriage are more common nowadays, there is an unspoken ideal preference for dating and marrying within in one’s race. I am not saying this as fact, but my personal experiences within my family and via friends’ families are predominant in being with someone of the same race. In other words: people are more open to the idea of interracial coupling, but it’s not all “Ebony and Ivory” yet. OkCupid is merely the messenger, and you can use their results and website at your own risk.

Oh, racists. Always trying to stir up trouble.

So if the website is being all daring with their article — highlighted by their quote “being poor gives us a certain freedom. To alienate all our users. So there” — why not go the extra step and show the numbers of said people that were tabulated? Good question, and one that can’t be answered without contacting them directly. No matter what, it succeeded in getting people thinking and talking about racial attitudes in dating. And really, isn’t that enough? As long as people are mindful of what they prefer and perhaps being more receptive to others, the mindset of altering attitudes might be worth obscuring a few figures. I don’t agree with this if true, but it isn’t a scientific journal; it’s a blog about why people be wanting to bang. And bang they will.

But who will they bang? And why? In examining the article, I learned quite a bit about the inner workings of OkCupid and online dater preferences. I learned that people will do what makes them comfortable. And that magnified why people need to step outside their comfort zones to truly find happiness. People will gravitate towards maintaining the status quo that was taught to them, if only to avoid disturbing the delicate fabric of society.

However, people can open themselves up to something wonderful, if they are willing to put in the work. On the subject of uneasiness, film director Guy Ritchie said, “You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable.” He referred to fear being worse than the potentially threatening situation itself. Life is not all chocolate-fudge-ripple unicorns, but enduring something once seen as scary could be worth the experience.

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks and Super Troopers' Geoffrey Arend: encouraging geeks to go for the hottie.

In director Kevin Smith’s Chasing Amy, female protagonist Alyssa Jones was more wordy and yet direct on the subject, explaining to her lover, Holden McNeil, why she branched out from her comfort zone of dating women:

“You know, I didn’t just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it’s the natural way, that kind of thing. I’m not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just GETS you – it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.”

Jones (and Smith) manage to explain in one monologue what OkCupid took hundreds of words and data to try to say: wake up and realize what is out there.

With most relationships ending for a variety of reasons, and more than half of all marriages ending in divorce, why not expand those horizons to buck the negative trend? There may be heartaches, issues and shakeups in stepping outside of the box. The initial distress, however, could net the person they’ve always wanted. And wouldn’t it be nice. I know that it would be for me.

While I love my job, it does get unbelievably boring sometimes and today was one of those days. So as my mind wandered as my work computer reached speeds previously seen only by sloths and the ice age, I came up with a list of three shows that started out great, but then sort of … fell.

Heroes: I admit, I didn’t get what the hype was all about at first. But on a lark, I watched the first episode and it was love at first sight. I quickly caught up on the eight episodes I was lagging behind and waited religiously for Monday to roll around. I loved the characters, the writing, the situational set up. I loved everything. I even went and watched the last two episodes in Spanish just to see them on time instead of waiting until I was back in an English speaking country.

The show had everything going for it, and then it flopped. Season 2 was dull, Season 3 a headache, and I simply gave up before Season 4 even came around. Originally, Heroes had planned to have an all new cast every season with the old cast making cameo appearances. That? Would have been awesome. Some new blood, some new plot lines, it would have given the show a new start every season. But the characters were too popular. So popular in fact, that some have been brought back from the dead more times than the Summers family.

I suppose Heroes has achieved its goal of being comic book like. Between the characters who won’t stay dead, the plot lines that go nowhere, the plot holes you could loose a dump truck in, drops in continuity from one story to the next, retcons, and the general repetitiveness Heroes has indeed become a comic book with a tv show budget. However, the problem is the that those same things are what bother a lot of people about comic books.

Perhaps some new blood would help rejuvenate this show, but for now the only new blood we get is whichever new Petrelli pops out of the wood work.

Without a Trace: I am a TNT addict. For six years, lunch time was in front of the television with whatever was on TNT at the moment. The only times the channel was changed was when ER was on and the Food Network had Good Eats running. When I stopped having regular access to a television, the only things I really missed where TNT and Food Network. And now that Food Network is no longer watchable – TNT is the only thing.

Among the shows I discovered on TNT was Without a Trace. As usual with me and most shows, I was horribly behind and was watching in syndication and out of order. It didn’t matter. I was in love. I loved the characters, the writing, the cases, the cinematography, everything. When I got a Netflix account, the first thing I ordered was Season 1 of Without a Trace and watched it in one afternoon. (The second thing was all six Star Wars movies. Also watched in one afternoon. That was also the year I watched all of Doctor Who Season 1 in one night.)

Needless to say, it was one of my top shows for a while. I managed to watch all of the first three seasons in a rather unhealthy amount of time and got some friends and family addicted as well. And then…Season 4. And 5. And 6 and 7. I tried. I really did. But about halfway through, I would want to either kill or kick or just scream at the characters. And the new girl in Season 4 just bothered me. I think it says something that I can’t even remember her name. Rosalie or something? Or was that the actress?

Let’s just say that if even adding James Masters to your show doesn’t help, you have a problem. When you can tell that the actors are not even phoning in their lines and wish they were ten miles away, you have a problem. When your writing is horrible and your plots simply make no sense, you have a problem. When half your fans are begging for the show to be canceled, you most certainly have a problem. Thankfully, it was finally put out of its misery last season. As far as I know, the campaign to keep it afloat was superficial at best.

At least we’ll always have reruns and three excellent seasons.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Yes, Buffy made my list. I only got into Buffy between season six and seven and for some reason didn’t realize that that there were more than three seasons. I don’t know how I managed that. But that summer, I watched all three seasons and my best friend and I ran all over town to read every single Buffy book there was and then getting our families addicted to Buffy.

There is a reason Buffy is a cult show and is still popular to this day. Say what you want about Joss, but the man knows how to write an excellent show. The characters were real and diverse (in personality at least), the writing was outstanding, the acting worked, and you wanted to know what would happen next. For three years, Buffy rocked.

But then came college. Few shows survive the move from one setting to another. And Buffy did try. Season Four did have the ever excellent Hush and the season finale that was both unusual and full of excellent foreshadowing. But it also had Beer Bad, Riley, and chip!Spike. Season Five had a very good overarching plot, some excellent episodes, and a stellar, well written and well executed ending. I would have been perfectly happy had the show just ended there.

But then we got Seasons 6 and 7. I don’t know which one is worse. While 7 was unbelievably dull and pointless, it at least didn’t make me want to throw things at the television or made me walk out of the room rolling my eyes. But Season 6 had Once More With Feeling. Either way, both seasons were barely watchable for their own unique reasons. Between emo!Buffy, pod!Spike, and addicted!Willow, I barely recognized the characters I had fallen in love. By the time Season 7 ended, I was ready to say good-bye. Of course, now there’s Season 8, it’s not a TV show so I’m not going to go into that here.

Honorable Mentions That Didn’t Quite Make the List:
Charmed: Yes, it got really bad there at the end. But it was never that good to begin with. Sure, the first three Seasons were entertaining, but they were never Buffy, Heroes, or Without a Trace good.

Battlestar Galactica: While it started out incredibly strong, Season 4 was probably one of the weaker seasons. But the drop in quality was really not that large when compared with every other show and they did at least tie up all loose ends.

Torchwood and Doctor Who: They’re both two uneven for me to fit them in this pattern. Doctor Who Season One is strong, but so was Season 4 and bits of 2 and 3. Torchwood had a much stronger Season 2 than 1, and the problem with 3 was not the quality but the content. Plus, they’re both in progress – at least I think both, I’m not sure about Torchwood – so who knows what will happen.

Coupling: Again, while the last Season was weaker than the first three, it wasn’t enough to really warrant that much of a complaint. Same goes for Veronica Mars.

Ok, now that the fall season of television has started, I will give my review on the new shows that I have watched.

Melrose Place

Despite the negative reviews that MP 2.0 has received, I am loving the new show.  The cast dynamic is excellent, and shock of shocks, Ashley Simpson-Wentz can really act.  If I were to compare it to the original Melrose Place Season One, the new Melrose Place wins hands down so far because the storylines are more interesting.

Modern Family

The pilot episode of Modern Family was okay but after attempting to watch the second episode, I found myself bored with Modern Family.  None of the characters are really that funny, and Ed O’ Neill seems like he’s playing an older Al Bundy.

Cougar Town

This show has a great premise and the pilot episode was hilarious but the show seemed to go downhill in the second episode.  Courtney Cox is great in this show.  I have to say that it is interesting to see her play a divorced woman in her 40s.  They need to lose the neighbors and the ex-husband.  Those characters bring nothing interesting to the show.

Flash Forward

J.J. Abrams has done it again.   Flash Foward pulls you in from the first moment and you are on the edge of your seat the entire hour.  I also love that ABC has put up the Mosiac Collective website that was created on the show is up at the Flash Forward section of ABC.com.  This website brings an interesting synergy to the show.

Glee

Aside from Melrose Place, this is the best new show of the season.  There is so much about Glee that makes it a hit.  Glee uses biting satirical commentary when it comes to high school cliques.   Hearing some of the hit songs from the past 20 years performed in a much different way is interesting in itself.  Also, Corey Monteith (Finn Hudson) is very hot.

Eastwick

Based upon the book, The Witches of Eastwick by John Updike, Eastwick is about three women who come into great powers and soon learn those powers come at a price.  Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price, and Jaime Ray Newman are impressive as the three main characters, but let’s hope Eastwick does not fall prey to the curse that befell the other shows Lindsay Price was in, Coupling and Lipstick Jungle, both of which were cancelled.