I know I have been lagging…not for lack of things to say but I guess more-so lack of motivation. I’ve been working on somethings for school/work but no excuses. I straight up lag right now. Last night we didn’t watch the American Music Awards because something WAY more important was on…Dexter. It was the best one yet for real so if you aren’t watching “Dex,” (as I like to call it) you are a crack head. I mean you must be weighing out the options, crack or Dexter?? You’re making the wrong choice. Capeesh? Any who, I saw some highlights of the AMA’s from last night and all I can say is, really?? I don’t know this Adam Lambert (no relation to Stephanie) guy is but I did see the video where he FULLY macked down his keyboard player and simulated a little “bump and grind” session and that NBC censored it. That is total bullshit. How many damn times to I have to see two girls kiss on TV? Chicks rub themselves all over, lick their fingers in a “I want to do this to your member” type of way, and even make out with one another. Now it’s two guys and what? I can’t see that? There is some imaginary line that NBC refuses to cross and that we as AMERICANS have to be unwillingly censored? Come on, there is a bitch wearing a bikini in every advertisement from burgers to cars, I mean every reality show consists of ho’s in a hot tub so why not let the guys have their fun?  It would seem to be NBC thinks lesbians are ok in a “pushing the envelope” kind of way buy not gays dudes are no bueno? What is wrong with people?? I’m actually out of words. I don’t get it. You know, let’s just get into the shit that NBC did in fact show at the AMA’s…look’s like I am happy I didn’t watch it.

PS- “Dick Clark Productions” keeps pulling this video (sounds like somebody is a little “ass sore” over the video) so if it has been removed I suggest you try to find it. I never saw a J-Lo budget bootie bounce quite like that…. or wear a bedazzled “granny panty” inspired pair of shorts. 

Today is Wednesday, November 18, 2009.  It is the 322^nd day of the year with 43 to go.

Today’s History

In 1883, the U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones.
In 1886, the 21^st president of the United States, Chester A. Arthur died in New York.
In 1959, Ben-Hur the Biblical-era epic opened in New York.

Today’s News

Ninja Not
A Seattle man is in hospital with severe injuries after he impaled himself on a metal fence while pretending to be a ninja.  The man dressed as a ninja with the express intent of trying to rob and assault people.  Police say he was attempting to assault a woman who ran away from him.  He chased after her and tried to leap over a 5 foot metal fence, but failed to clear it properly.  He impaled himself one of the fence posts.  Police believe he may have been intoxicated at the time.

Uhm… I’m laughing so hard I’m not even sure what to say to this.  You’re pretending to be a ninja and you try to rob someone while pretending to be a ninja.  Then you jump over a fence, try to jump over a fence while pretending to be a ninja and you impale yourself…while pretending to be a ninja.  I need to understand why you are pretending to be a ninja in the first place.  The article describes the man didn’t climb up the fence and try to jump over, no, he tried to LEAP over the fence…a five foot metal fence with sharp spiky posts…while pretending to be a ninja.

Bungled Burglary
Portuguese police had to rescue a man who attempted to rob a grocery store because he got stuck in the window.  The man busted out the window and tried to crawl through but it was too small.  He even tried to take his pants off to make a little more room, but he just got even more trapped.  There was nothing for him to grab hold of so he could pull himself, so he was trapped in the window for 11 hours with his pants around his ankles.  Nobody even noticed him until the morning shift showed up the next day and saw him hanging in the window.  Then it took 2 hours for the fire department to break him out.  They took him to the hospital for his injuries, and then they took him to jail.

Well, at least he didn’t impale himself while pretending to be a ninja, but this is just as bad.  I know we’re all a little bit desperate because it’s a horrible economy and the holidays are coming soon.  We’re just trying to get by, but you know, if you’re going to lead a life of crime, you should be a little bit smarter about it.  I know my fat ass is not fitting through any windows any time soon, so I would try a different method of break-in.  You think!

Kannibal Kabob
Three Russian men are under arrest on suspicion of murder after police found dismembered body parts at a bus stop.  Police say the three men, who are homeless, attacked another homeless man, murdered him, and then ate him before selling the extra body parts to a kabob stand.  The men are charged with “setting upon a foe with knives and a hammer before chopping up his corpse to eat.”

So Russia is no longer on my Top Ten Places to Visit.  First, I’m disturbed that the Russians have an actual charge for this sort of thing.  “Setting upon a foe with knives and hammer before chopping up his corpse to eat,” indicating that this sort of thing might happen all the time.  In America, we just have murder, attempted murder, cannibalism, not an actual title but you know they do things differently in other countries.  Secondly, I’m disturbed that they don’t exactly say what happened with the kabob stand.  Did the body parts make it into a kabob?  Did someone buy a human meat stick and eat it?  I need to know.  It was like the only crime was “setting upon a foe with knives and a hammer before chopping up his corpse to eat,” but nothing is wrong in buying human body parts, or using body parts to make kabobs and meats.  Once again, foreign countries.  Yeah.

Drug Dealer Daddy
A Salt Like City mother is under arrest after it was reported that she gave her 9 month old child to a drug dealer.  The mother claims that she did not give her child to the drug dealer as payment for drugs, but so that the drug dealer could actually take care of the baby.  Someone reported the baby being in a local crackhouse and when police raided the place, they did find a 9 month old child there.  The mother is a meth fiend and she gave the drug dealer the baby’s Medicaid card and a note stating that the drug dealer would have guardianship.  Police say the bizarre thing was that the house was completely filthy but the baby was clean, healthy, taken care of and not injured in anyway.  The child is now in child protective custody.

Well, that’s pretty random.  Hmm, why don’t I let my local crack dealer take care of the kid while I’m gone this weekend, because that seems like a reasonable thing someone should do.  Now, I know when you’re a meth fiend you don’t usually make the brightest decisions, but I can’t imagine even the most doped up lunatic would think a crackhouse is a daycare center.  I guess it truly is bizarre that the dealer was seriously taking good care of the child.  I guess he was standing on the corner with the kid in a baby sling while he sold dime bags.  Take your child to work day.

Today’s Thought

If an historian were to relate truthfully all the crimes, weaknesses and disorders of mankind, his readers would take his work for satire rather than history.  ~Pierre Bayle

Took these pictures with my sisters shitty camera. Didn’t want to risk messing up my T1i. Anyways, these pictures are merely for amusement, ignore the quality.

]]> http://helpuslord.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/elmo-gettin-it-in/ Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:06:03 +0000 yungmogul http://helpuslord.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/elmo-gettin-it-in/

WOW

• Voicemail
• Making cawfee and tawking
• BL and storm talk
• Crack heads with trash bags?
• EVOO will kill you? then RR is out a jawb!

Frankies Drunk Pregnant BET HIP HOP awards breakdown

Keyshia Cole’s mother Frankie breaks down into tears at the 2009 BET Awards when asked whether or not she’s having monetary problems while sporting a new set of platinum gold fronts. During a red carpet interview, she seemed to be full of life as she talked about the stores she liked to shop at followed by shout outs to her famous daughter. “Shout out to Keyshia. She’s the one with all the money. I’mma need her to give me a loan”…

She is seen getting very emotional and teary eyed while she appears to be giving her daughter Keyshia Cole some recognition and thanks for helping her out, and assisting her through her hard years addicted to crack cocaine and her incarceration.

It looks like a mood swing, fueled by some liquor, chronic, and possibly a ….pregnancy!!!…as reported by Bindsidetv.net-

Possibly Pregnant Breakdown

 http://www.zimbio.com/Keyshia+Cole/articles/KuUyKwkoLal/KEYSHIA+COLE+MOTHER+FRANKIE+ENGAGED+PREGNANT

Let’s hope Frankie had a good time at the show, and wish her well on her continued recovery. I am pretty sure BET will continue down this path of entertainment again, and a new season of the Frankie and Neffie show is inevitable.

Hit it for a Rock?

I was like NOOOO this has got to be a nightmare. And this bitch must be Frankie Kruger. I was flippin through the channels and I saw the Frankie and Neffe show… I was like come on bruh. This can not be true… Are we this desperate for entertainment that we are willing to give an obvious crack head a reality show… she looks a mess… and not just any type of mess, a shitty mess… and she sounds as if she just crawled out from under a school cause ya’ll know she sho and the hell never been in one. For real can I get my own reality show BET cause it seems that you really love exploiting blacks. We thought UPN was bad but BET has taken the cake… I will save BET for another post. Now back to Frankie or Neffe I’m not sure which one she is. Every time I see her I see side-to-side walker (side-to-side walker is when a crack head is looking for a hit, they walk side-to-side). Now I am serious, I am really upset by this. We should not reward this type of behavior. I guess this comes from the same channel that gave us that horrible… HORRIBLE… Michael Jackson tribute. I am just confused and lost for words. This blog isn’t intended to be funny but a reach out for an answer to WTF is going on with television, and more importantly WTF is going on with her face. “She is real, that’s why I like her, she is the truth” says some ignorant heffa. Yea she is real… a real crack head. Come on Americas we may do a lot of things, but I never thought it would come to this. She should be on that celebrity rehab show or something and even then that’s too much. BET you have just single handedly increased her crack budget. Congratulations! Have you not learned from Whitney? OMG… I am done with this post… I quit!

As Independents and moderate Democrats take to the hills faster than a California brush fire, Barack Obama is becoming to the Liberal elite media, what honey is to a bear: Something they love to lap up, but at the end of the day, if you have too much, it actually makes you sick.

If you wonder why they’ve avoided any significant reporting on the brotha’ from another planet, Van Jones, Special Advisor for Green Jobs at the White House Council on Environmental Quality and founder of Green for All, an advocacy group that works to bring green jobs to the underprivileged, and author of The Green Collar Economy (or any of Obama’s other “Czars”), it’s because, frankly, they don’t really know what to say.  I mean, they are truly dumbfounded!  His credentials LOOKED good!

Van “hoof-in-mouth” Jones has openly spewed his contempt for the United States for years and yet not one Liberal spoke up when he was appointed by Obama.  The silence from the Left is deafening following Jones’ latest gaffe.  Not even Pelosi, who opens her mouth more than a frog in a fly factory, has uttered a word in his defense.

Not enough that he supported the killer of police officers.  Not enough that he is crazy enough to openly back the belief that President Bush was responsible for the 9/11 tragedy.  Not enough that he publicly called a significant portion of the United States population “assholes.”  Not enough that he called a living President of the United States a “crack head.”  These acts and statements make him fit to serve as advisor to the man who holds the highest position in our country?  Somebody’s on Meth in the White House!

According to White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, Jones “continues to work in the administration.” Why?  If ANYONE in the Bush Administration had been so openly stupid every media outlet on the planet would have been demanding a resignation.  Jones said: “If I have offended anyone with statements I made in the past, I apologize.”  Okaaay…

Day after day the leftist media outlets are seeing that Obama is truly a deceitful, America-hating supporter of not just one racist (Reverend Wright); not just one Communist (William Ayers); but has managed to subjugate the Constitution and illegally surround himself with a cadre of presidential “appointees” who make Stalin look like the Olson twins in comparison.   

From his stance on creating a “culture of death” to his gangsta’ takeover of healthcare, the Liberal media is finally discovering that the “man of change” they paraded to the American public and stuffed down our throats, is actually a horror they helped to unleash. And for that they have no excuse.  How do you back pedal from a monumental mistake like this? 

You don’t!  You ignore it and pretend that it isn’t happening.  You find the best turd in this pile of s**t and act like it’s the best thing since the cable television.  You parade, before an ever enlightened public, every pitiable person with a sob story to tell in this burning heap to try and make it look like “your guy” is actually doing something good.  At least that’s what you do if you have NO scruples and NO morals yourself.  Welcome to mainstream media!

When supposed “legitimate and unbiased” observers like Eva Paterson, president and founder of the Equal Justice Society, a group known to support liberal views, reports in the Huffington Post (a decidedly liberal blog) that Jones has apologized; changed his radical ways and is the subject of unwarranted conservative attacks, I only need look to his most recent video and read HIS own words.

It is little wonder that people no longer wish to pay to read mainstream media tripe and newspapers are fading faster than Madonna’s looks.  If mainstream television news continues on its present path, it will likely see a similar demise. Katie who?

The very thing the Obama Administration purports to cure (partisan politics, racism, cultural division), it actually supports; using the bully pulpit, subversion and oppression in an attempt to silence the opposition. 

And the Liberal media is either too afraid or too stupid to speak out against it or even report on it.  So, what makes this Administration so special?  Nothing at all — except the president is a Black man!  And to speak out against him makes you a racist!

History is rife with tin-can dictators (and their media supporters) who believe that 51% is enough to make the rest of us into mindless slaves incapable of rising up.  But they’ve been wrong before and they are wrong today.  Just watch the tumbling polls and be prepared for 2010 and a one-term president named Barack Hussein Obama who will depart the White House in 2012!

The best things about having a crack head living on your couch is there is always someone in the house that you can say you are better than, they usually don’t have a job and the guilt of being a crack head usually means the house is clean, also you can win any argument with the simple phrase “whatever, you’re a crack head”

The bad things about having a crack head living on your couch is the constant fear that your shit will be stolen and sold for crack, plus there’s a crack head living on your couch.

Possible solutions:

Buy some crack and put it down the street they will smell it and instinctively chase after it. When they leave the house hurry up and lock it. BUT Anthony I don’t want to touch their belongings. Fair enough luckily for you they rarely have belongings.

Write a passive aggressive blog. Luckily crack heads cannot use the internet.

Other advice:

I’ve found that when in an argument with a woman the best thing to do is repeatedly call them a cunt.

White people stop saying Nigga you are just as annoying to me as racist white people that say nigg – hard – ER. Just shut up and quit saying it. I don’t get offended but I do get annoyed.

Mexicans quit fucking pigs and giving everyone swine flu. You know an ‘Merican would never fuck a pig ever! Maybe the occasional fatty (hey ohh)

Begging for Change

Author: Sharon G. Flake

Page Length: 248         

Reading Level: 6

Genre: Fiction

PLOT SUMMARY: Raspberry lives with her mom who has been beaten up by Shiketa, a teen-age girl in their neighborhood.  While her mom is in the hospital, Raspberry’s father visits which is an unpleasant experience for her because he will steal and lie to anyone to get money for drugs.  Raspberry is anxious to leave the hospital with Zora, her friend, and Zora’s dad, Dr. Mitchell, who her mom dates. 

While eating dinner that evening, Zora and Dr. Mitchell both leave the table.  Raspberry feels compelled to look into Zora’s purse and instinctively takes the cash from her wallet.  Raspberry doesn’t know why she took Zora’s money, but doesn’t know how to give it back.

When her mom returns home from the hospital, there is tension between Shiketa’s friends and Raspberry and her mother.  Raspberry spends the summer days working and hanging out with other teens in the neighborhood.  Zora becomes stand offish but does not confront Raspberry about the stolen money and doesn’t tell her dad. 

As each day passes, Raspberry feels tension about her theft, but when the opportunity arises to steal from a neighbor lady, she takes more money.  When Raspberry’s father comes to her apartment and steals her own money, Raspberry knows how Zora must feel towards her. When Zora insists that Raspberry tell Dr. Mitchell about stealing the money, Raspberry makes up a lie to tell the doctor and her mom.  Raspberry begins to wonder if she is like her dad—a thief and a liar.

The summer passes with Zora and Raspberry not speaking, her friend, Mai, having bi-racial issues, a romance developing with Sato, another theft by her father, and a move to a nicer part of town. Raspberry has a good support system from her mom, Dr. Mitchell, and her friends but she has a love for money. It is only after she sees her dad, finally drug free, that she can admit her guilt.  She realizes she was “begging for change” not only through monetary means, but in her own life style.

REVIEW: This is the sequel to Money Hungry, whose main character, Raspberry Hill, continues to display a love for money. The book started out a little slow, but as the characters and plot developed, I became more interested.  Middle school and junior high African American girls would probably enjoy this book the most.  The relationship between the girlfriends is very realistic to the feelings 12-14 year-olds experience.

TOUCHY AREAS-PAGES: References to drug use

AREAS OF TEACHING: Characters, Theme, Conflict, and Point of View

RELATED BOOKS: Chill Wind, Spellbound, and Money Hungry

MOVIE CONNECTIONS: Daddy’s Little Girls (2006)

RELATED WEBSITES:

www.lindaslinkstoliterature.com/lll/booktitles2.htm

www.sharongflake.com

REVIEWED BY: Shirley Wagner

Massachusetts. In May, a mother, Tara Anderson, left her newborn baby in a motel room. The people in the room next door heard the cries and found the baby with the umbilical cord still attached. Anderson, 39, just got sentenced to a year in jail. She plead guilty to reckless endangerment of a child. Anderson says she didnt abandon the baby, but hid in a bathroom close by to make sure the baby was found. She is also a crack addict, supposedly trying to overcome her addiction.

Comments Welcome!

Early in life I grew accustomed to believe sexuality was something to be ashamed of because I had to keep the secret of being sexually abused for years, and even now as an adult woman, a woman who knows she desires to have a source of intimacy in her life, I find myself being afraid of my own sexuality. Sexuality meant I, a young child, was forced to have sex with an older man and his friend. I didn’t know it wasn’t love because Oscar said he “loved” me. I felt ashamed of my body because Oscar told me: I was fat, I was unlovable, and I was no good. He said numerous times he had believed I wanted him to fuck me even at an earlier age. He said I was always trying to get his attention and seduce him. I can’t say a child of six years old knows anything about having sex, being in control over wanting/desiring sex, and understanding what happens. I wasn’t taught about good touch/bad touch. I was manipulated into believing I was fat, unlovable, and no one loved me…including my parents, and there he was the one to provide me love. His love was at the cost of my losing my virginity as a child. It cost me my self-esteem and my sense of pride. Because the abuse happened when I was developing my sense of autonomy I didn’t get a sense of grounding about who I was or understand what was right. I felt like it was something I had to do or else being beaten, threatened more, or my sisters would get raped like me. Unfortunately, years after, I have recently found I wasn’t his only victim from my family. There was a part of me that surrendered a sense of who I was. What I did know was Oscar demanded sexual contact with me several times a day. He sodomized me. He asphyxiated me. He beat me. He held guns and knives to me, and I would cave in and allow him to do what he wanted because I couldn’t take defend myself from him.

As I grew older, I used to tell everyone I had an older boyfriend, but know would believe me because I wasn’t the “type” to elicit that type of relationship. Then one day at school, the school had put out a program on date rape, statutory rape, and sexual abuse. I was shocked that what I was told to listen to was just like what was happening to me. I remember me asking questions about the stuff the educators talked about, and no one could see the little girl screaming out for help. So I shrank in my chair knowing it was still going to have to continue. In the 12th grade, I was almost raped by a peer at home. I called the police over it. I “knew” that was wrong. What I didn’t know what Oscar did was wrong. Then one day, I came to school and talked to Dr Irene Skulas, my Biology teacher, and told her what was happening. I remember her hold me and telling me that I was going to be okay. I thought she was going to make the abuse stop. Nothing was ever done.

My grandmother passed away, and we moved to Florida. I had stuff in journals I had kept along with cassette tapes and letters and clothing to prove Oscar was sexually abusing me. My Dad confronted me and hell’s gates opened up when he grew irate over what he had found. I was so scared of my Dad that I held onto my Bible and clenched onto it in the closet. I slept in the closet for days and feared coming out. I was told not to say anything and heard my Dad asking Oscar on the telephone if it was true. Oscar denied, and I was treated like I was the one who did those horrible things. I was the one who “deserved it.” My Mom left for Okinawa because she couldn’t handle seeing me. She would scream at me to my neighbors telling me I was a whore and I screwed around with a married man. I truly believed I was no good. I wished to die, but God never took me home.

So, when my father kicked me out of the house, I had no where else to turn except back to Oscar’s house in Maryland. He flew me up and the same shit happened over and over. There was a routine this time. I was supposed to take care of Oscar said Juanita, Oscar’s wife, cook and clean, and be called slave. I didn’t have a lock on my door, and even if I put the dresser up to the door Oscar, all drunk, would slither on me and force himself in me. I felt like this was my fate.

I began looking for a job. I started working at Weis grocery store and then I began having money for my own self. I found out there were people I could talk with at work. I found out that I was attractive to other men. I began trying to find my own sense of sensuality and sexuality through beginning to have my first sexual relationships outside of being sexually abused at twenty-four. I met a black man from one of my co-workers, and began having sexual relations with him. I enjoyed it. I loved the feeling of being able to have the choice to have sex. I loved the way he was concerned with my own sense of pleasure, and he brought me to understand sexual intimacy with another man can be enjoyable. When Oscar caught wind of me fucking a Black man, he was irate and sought revenge from me. The last time he raped me was May 19, 2001.

It was middle of the night. He was drinking downstairs, and I was trying to stay away. I knew he was pissed at me letting “a nigger cream inside of me,” and he was screaming, “how could she.” That night Oscar took a 45 caliber pistol and raped me. I told him that the Black man came inside of me and now he was fucking it. He hit me upside the head with the butt of the pistol, and I vehemently told him he was a coward. That night I was determined Oscar was no longer going to rape me anymore. I awaited him to leave, and called my workplace that I was not coming in and I left.

I left with the little bit of clothes I could bring and headed to my friend Zola’s motel room. There I slept in her room unafraid for the first time Oscar was going to rape me. I tried to go to work the next day, but Oscar came to my work place and began telling me that I had to come back. I had to because he loved me. He said he was worried about me. My supervisor was notified of the scene Oscar was causing and Oscar was escorted off the premises. I tried to work the days following but I was too afraid and worn out. I ended up quitting, and trying to survive.

I walked all the way to Social Services until some man picked me up to take me there. There at Social Services I was told I needed to tell them what had happened. I said I just wanted a safe place. I just wanted not to be hurt. I was afraid for my life. I tried to tell them, but I broke down and couldn’t do it. They said I would have to go to a domestic violence shelter, but I was so afraid to go anywhere or leave the familiarity of knowing someone that I chose to take the food voucher and leave.

In the days and weeks that followed, I ended up getting mixed up in cocaine, crack, drinking, and lots of other stuff. There was no longer a sense of pride in me. I was just some thrown away piece of trash that couldn’t die no matter how much I tried.

I soon found the attention of other Black males, and it made me feel good to get the sexual attention from them. I knew what they wanted and I gave my sense of “sexuality” to them. There were some men who allowed me to lay in their arms to let me fall asleep, and there were some who said they knew I was a good girl but just got mixed up with the wrong people. I was just thankful not to be raped repeated every day. There was one fellow who raped me inside of the bathroom, and I will never forget the horror and shame of having my clothes ripped off of me then the man forcing himself inside of me from behind and down my throat. I went to the older man who lived at the motel and slept in his bed as he held me. All I wanted was to no longer hurt.

A light began to break through the gloom of my darkest valley. My sister Michele got in touch with me some how, and she asked if I wanted to come home and I had said yes. I packed my things and stayed the last three nights at two different men’s homes for exchange of shelter for sex. I’ll never forget them. One asked to have sex with me at his home and at a baseball diamond outside under the moonlight. The other was a man from India who said Zola was a bad influence, and that he could love me for me. His wife was back in India and he said Indian men knew how to please a woman sexually. Gil had sex with me several times the last three days I was in Maryland and brought home food. It was weird to have him do this because I had to tell him I loved him in order for him to allow me to stay. I had no where else to go.

They day my airplane was set to take off Gil gave me three hundred dollars for my trip back home. He said that he wanted me to come back to him, but I had no intentions of every doing that. I took the money and came back to my parents home.

To be honest, I don’t remember what or how I felt or how my family interacted with me. What I did know was my sister used drugs and this is when I got heavily into drugs and hard liquor. No matter what I took it was never enough. I got a job at my Uncle’s restaurant/deli and worked there until I was no longer able to do so. An old friend of my brother came back into my life, but it quickly soured when dysfunctional me couldn’t get a grip on what was healthy and I allowed his roomate to fuck me and things were no longer the same. I kept on drinking and drugging, and I was far away from being anywhere I wanted.

I began wanting more out of my life. I had a couple bad relationships, but then the best thing that happened in my life was when I signed up for community college. Things began turning around. I ended up working full-time at a regular grocery store and then I met my son’s father online through Yahoo chat.

He was so genuine and desired to have a family. I told him about my past. I am not sure if he listened or truly believed but he heard me. We had fun getting to know one another. He used to drive from Maryland to Florida to come see me. He used to fly me up to see him, and we’d have incredible sex with one another and lots of good laughter. I told my Mom I thought he was the one and David began bringing and buying literature about marriage customs and so forth. It was like for the first time in my life someone wanted not only the sex I gave but the ability to share life with one another.

Our relationship had many ups and downs. I moved in with David after my Dad threatened me physically. My Mom was newly diagnosed with cancer, and I felt bad that I had to leave at that time in her greatest need. I wasn’t sure she’d live because this time the cancer was in her colon and in her breast…not just her uterus or cervix. So, David came and brought me to Maryland. He and I had a very sexual relationship, and for the first time in years I was drug and alcohol free. Emotionally I was a roller coaster. I was having flashbacks of the rape and sexual trauma, and tried my hardest to not be crazy. Then David’s father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and through our losing his father and me having participated in caring for him I was able to learn how to love. I did this by forming a friendship with a woman who was a lesbian. In her arms, I felt safe. I felt like she cared for me. I felt like she didn’t want me for sex, but for the person I was. Our relationship ended shortly thereafter, and then after the passing of my boyfriend’s father I tried to be faithful with him.

I learned he was cheating on me. I was devastated. I miscarried a baby in 2004. I was forever traumatized with the fact God could implant in my womb a baby and then take her away from me. I promised God that I would start living for Him. I came to terms with my inability to conceive a baby with any amount of infertility treatments and decided God had called me to go on the mission field. I went on two mission trips, one on Spring Break and the other in Summer, and found out the day I went off on my last mission trip I was surely pregnant.

I never knew a hunger inside of me. I felt ravenous. I was desiring to drink lots of milk and sleep more. I just felt pregnant. Fifteen days later, I went back home and got an ultrasound and blood test and wouldn’t you know I was indeed pregnant. I was afraid to tell the pastor for my mission trip I was pregnant, so I told him David and me were newly married and they let me go. I was bitter, but I was happy to go home and have our family.

My pregnancy marked a new beginning in my life. For the first time, I began living healthy. I felt every cell in my body was alive and functioning. I felt incredible. Tien was born January 19th, 2006.

I knew there were major things that had to change in my life regards to how David was not growing spiritually, individually or emotionally, and there I was turning my life over more and more to God. I desired to give Tien a life of stability, but unfortunately his early life was met by constant arguing over David’s inability to throw away anything or allow us to throw away anything. When I first made my way around the house after being off of bed rest and coming home, I had seen the state of the house deteriorated and there seemed no hope to keep up with the garbage he brought in. I began going to church and trying to find a way to allow God to take care of our immediate needs and be actively pursuing His ways not mine.

I wanted so badly for David to change, but change was not going to happen. So, I knew I had to learn to accept who he was, what he did, and then do something different about my need for meeting cleanliness standards. I had a plan and it came true.

I went back to school. I received a dual Associates of Arts in English and Early Childhood Education, and then I went back to UMBC to finish my Bachelors of Art in English with a Minor in Professional Writing. I completed one semester at UMBC and couldn’t continue because Tien was my first priority and I no longer could allow David to watch Tien even though it were for a couple hours per day. There were several major reasons why and those I will not throw out in public but just say I couldn’t put up with that type of ill behavior to me or my son.

So, on January 30, 2009 Tien and me made our Freedom Day. It was the day we began a new life free from the abuse, oppression and hurt. It’s been a long road to get where we are today.

Today life is much happier. We are getting the help we need, and we are making strides to getting the help we need to be independent. I give God the glory for giving me new life and new beginnings. May I always remember to put Him first and remember it is Jesus I am living for today and every moment I am blessed with.

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Sweet Baby Jesus. I.HAPPENED. the earth moved and we.are moving to a new home.

I’m still pinching myself. After living in the hell hole, Tom’s house for the past 11 months and searching high and low for the past 2 months, we have found a house.

That we both love

That has enough space for everyone – pets included

That is updated (as updated it could be for a house that is 89 years old.) with nice dark wood floors, and smooth color coordinated walls! And it’s all ours, for the right price, in the right neighborhood, with the right feeling.

So, for the next 2 weeks there will be pandemonium of activities in the household, with packing (not very much, since I’m still living in out of the boxes from my previous dwelling) and lots and lots of “weaning out” – Tom has a lot of shit stuff.

I’m so happy about this move I could sit here and cry so many tears of happiness it will probably scare people off.

While I love the fact that Tom and I are now living in puffy sin and reap the benefits (less expenses, not eating dinner alone, funny-shared moments and on-the-spot-sex) I was not terribly fond of the neighborhood (nor the house) we currently lived in. I had to get use to the fact that crack heads, and prostitutes would be walking around my front yard, knocking on my door asking for a couple of bucks to buy drugs and booze. And folks, walking around on “red-alert” mode 24/7 take a lot out of you mentally.

But now, this neighborhood is full of trees, and wide roads and houses that have big yards and sidewalks! Image that, we can actually walk the dogs, not to mention ourselves! We drove by last night to scope out the surrounding and guess what? No crack heads, no prostitutes.

Just quiet, simple living.

In my post “This is why I cannot sleep at night,” I filmed some crazy women screaming at all hours of the night… And now this is a video clip I filmed with what I hear in all hours of the day…but my friend imitating him is even funnier..I think I will just keep updating this site with video clips I film of what goes on in-front of my apartment window…

So if you don’t know who I am, I make videos and basically post other random things online for my audiences. Today I was hanging out on Facebook when a random older lady sent me an Instant Message. Since I’m not showing her real name, we’ll just call her “Creeper”. I had to block some words but the rest of the short conversation is all real – trust me, nobody would wana make this up!

This is a script of what actually went down:

Creeper – F**k me babe!! so w*t and H***y 4 U
Me – lol, im happy with my girl
Creeper – hey there sexy
Me- whats up
Creeper – Hopefully your c**k
Creeper – chat later gotta go! dreaming of that c**k of yours

Creepy eh?

Here is a script of what was thinking:
Creeper – F**k me babe!! so w*t and H***y 4 U
Me – eww, WTF I have a gf! I dont even know you…and you’re old.
Creeper – hey there sexy
Me- don’t fucking try to hit on me!!
Creeper – Hopefully your c**k
Creeper – Me- f**king creeper, ill block your ass!
Creeper – chat later gotta go! dreaming of that c**k of yours
Me- thank God, you’re leaving! as long as you leave me the f**k alone!

She looked like an old, drunk, crack headed hooker that got ran over by a bus ):

THIS JOINT WAS FUNNY AS HELL!! ENJOY

LAID OFF: DAY 10

I’m making my own coffee now, by the way. It’s better, tastier, lasts longer and I get to use my CoffeeMate Creamer (Whoo Hoo!). I scour the market for 3-4 hours every day, learn a lot, speculate, hope I’m right, maybe make a few moves and keep thinking something will happen that will make us all happier.

*Smiley needs his damn coffee in the morning

So check this, turns out there’s some cracked out bum sleeping on a crusty old mattress behind my apartment building in the alleyway where some of my neighbors park. I’ve seen it all in that alley: bums sleeping on piss-soaked mattresses and couches, crack heads digging through the trash for things to pawn, crack heads smoking crack, kids tagging, slanging weed, buying weed, smoking weed, fights and whatever you can think of other than murder..

*Smiley sees a lot of this in the alley behind his apartment

So at least I’m not back there. I get to be in my room checking out my beautiful computer and writing like I’m writing now for the hell of it. Life is beautiful. Is this the high life? Not yet but maybe I’m getting there. I’m planning on getting there. At least, if anything, I’m being productive everyday.

And I’m not talking about scratching my but either. I do that anyways.

*Smiley is a big time butt scratcher

Nope, I write. And write. And write more. I check the markets. Research the markets. Asses the market. I just DO the market. Work on the launch of my new website…you’re not allowed to know what is yet even if you did care. And, I’m in school studying for my degree.

*Smiley is also being happily productive

A lot on my plate but I have to do something if I’m not working for The Man, right?

This is about vengeance on The Man. 

I live for this.

I die for this.

I AM this.

I’m not trying to be a martyr here either. Just someone who wants to let out the rage of many others who feel like me but don’t have it in their nature to do something about it. Unfortunately, I do. I fight for the small guy. The underdog. The one who gets pushed around. Sometimes, you have throw it down for yourself and get ready to fight off the woes with a smile.

*Smiley is ready to kick ass. He’ll take names latter.

So I take that attitude against not having the mundane 9-5. Most people do, I intend not to. Maybe a little part timer just to get some steady income for a few months but once business kicks in, I’m a’headin’ West! (though that made no sense, I always wanted to write that!)

So, pat yourself on the back if you’re laid off with the millions of other Americans. Yes, it sucks but no, it’s not the end of the world. The end of the world is being in that alley behind my apartment building smoking crack and sleeping on a piss-soaked, crusty old mattress.

Now, that sucks!

*Smile! You’re laid off