I give you the world.
And everything you need.
It’s your time.
Wont you come home with me.

Cuz if you know what you’re doing
Or if you don’t
Its fine
Cuz i’ll just tell you now
I probly dont know what Im doing
By choice.
Who the fuck cares
Who goes home with who?
Who the fuck cares
What you’re guna do
Once you get there?
Who are you to judge
That skanky girl at the party
Who likes to get her pooty tang on
Cuz man, shes errbodys pimp
And i Know you want a piece Of that
Who are you to judge
That quite girl
The ultimate observer
Because shes done more kinky shit
Than you could ever
Even
Imagine.
Just thinking about her experiences
Will make your top teeth slowly slide over your bottom lip
Clenching so a gasp or a quite moan does not escape your lips just at the thought
Of her darker side
The side that you crave

Who are you to judge
Who are you to think that your better than anyone else

Its the people that dont judge – its the people that dont try to justify their actions – its the people that dont have to answer to anyone – that run this shit.

You answer to them, whether you like it or not.

.

I see your face

So radiant

I can’t get you out of my head

.

Your lovely smile

Oh I’m dreaming

About You all day long

.

You are more than I know

You are more than I can understand

You are more than I see

You are more than I can comprehend

.

You are more than I want

You are more than I can ask or crave

You are more than I think

You are more, You are more

.

I read a Spanish translation of this book 8 years ago, but I still remember bits of the description of the beauty of Parvati, something like

Her breast was so gorgeous than there was no space between them for a rose petal…

Words of the splendour of an Eastern Goddess. The description of her pubis is impressive, but I won’t write it, as it would be considered extremely awkward in this Western Developed Hypocrisy.

Parvati was meant to be for Shiva, but the god would not make it easy for her. The book is about all the sorrow and crave the lover has to go through to finally satisfy her desire.

As I am mad about Hinduism, one of my favourite chapters is that in which Parvati is taught deep mysticism by an old master. Shiva despises beauty without wisdom, and he makes sure that the woman will understand his mighty power.

What can I add to finish the most clumsy review I’ve ever written? (or my first in English) As with other things in life, this book somehow “called” me. I found it one morning that I was hurrying for a hospital appointment. I knew that, turning left, there used to be a small book store, so I turned left without thinking. There it was, the old book store redesigned, offering a new touch. The window was showing a very good selection, so I stepped in and Kalidasas’ translation was right in the center of the room. Small & delicate edition. Not cheap.

Don’t mind the quality of my review. Listen to the call of the book. Follow Parvati to her ecstasy.

cd tutorial visual basic

. ABC. ini dianggap sebagai salah satu teknik cunnilingus terbaik yang dapat Anda pernah diterapkan pada klitoris pasangan Anda. Posisi lidah Anda baik pada kiri atau kanan sisi klitoris pasangan Anda. Kemudian gunakan lidah Anda untuk menarik ABC Anda. Anda bisa menjadi sedikit kreatif di sini dengan menarik keluar huruf dan kata yang berbeda. Huruf yang berbeda yang Anda akan menelusuri cukup memungkinkan untuk variasi untuk menjaga pasangan Anda menebak-nebak di tepi orgasme. Anda dapat menambahkan lebih banyak variasi dengan menelusuri keluar dan romantis bentuk frase seperti amp quot Aku cinta kamu amp quot dan harus dia menebak apa yang Anda ejaan.

. Suction. Teknik ini sebaiknya dilakukan jika pasangan Anda cukup terangsang. Jika Anda menerapkan teknik ini terlalu dini Anda mungkin berisiko memalingkan dari sepenuhnya dengan menempatkan terlalu banyak tekanan pada klitoris sensitif terlalu cepat. Untuk memulai teknik ini mengambil clitorisnya lembut ke dalam mulut dan menghisapnya. Melakukannya seolah-olah Anda sedang minum dari sedotan. Satu variasi yang dapat Anda terapkan untuk teknik ini adalah pergi dari hanya mengisap clitorisnya sendiri untuk mencakup seluruh vulva ke mulut Anda.

. Lingkaran. Teknik ini agak jelas. Tempat lidah Anda baik pada kiri atau kanan sisi klitoris pasangan Anda. Lidah Anda mulai bergerak baik di anti-clockwise atau searah jarum jam gerak. Untuk variasi teknik ini Anda bisa menggunakan stroke cepat atau lambat. Anda dapat mulai dengan lambat dan secara bertahap meningkatkan kecepatan Anda setelah Anda melihat bahwa pasangan Anda mendapatkan lebih diaktifkan. Variasi lain adalah mengubah bentuk lidah Anda sehingga Anda menunjuk lidah adalah menciptakan lebih banyak dari melesat dan ular-suka sensasi.

cd tutorial visual basic Cunnilingus adalah sesuatu setiap wanita harapkan untuk yang berarti bahwa itu adalah sesuatu yang perlu anda ketahui baik untuk memuaskan mereka selama bercinta. Jika Anda ingin mempelajari lebih lanjut tentang cunnilingus Anda dapat melihat halaman web di bawah ini untuk tips dan informasi.

CRAVE Portland is hosting a truly amazing shopping party, and we’re really excited to be a part of it! Come down to the Bison Building in NE Portland tomorrow and check out over 13,000 square feet of local holiday shopping! You’ll also get to enjoy holiday music, cool swag (for the first 500 through the door), tasty eats from KOifusion, drinks by Dress the Drinks and Lovejoy Vodka, and tastings from local wineries.

There will also be a runway show, and a raffle benefitting the American Cancer Society, so you could win some awesome local goods… including a 13×19 print of our State Fair People’s Choice Award-winning art photo, “Ethereal Sea.” There’s still time to get advance ticket pricing until 9pm tonight, or you can get your tickets at the door. We hope to see you there!

CRAVE Portland’s Holiday Cravings Shopping Party
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
Post 419 in the Bison Building
419 NE 10th Ave
Portland, OR, 97232
www.thebisonbuilding.com

Enko Photography – event, portrait, and artistic photographers in Portland, Oregon

Christmas Giveaways

Ellen’s 12 Days of Giveaways

$1,000 in beauty products

$1,000 gift cards

C rave giveaway

Carrots and Cake

Woman’s day

Goodhouse keeping

Moms’s Giveaways

Million Dollar Sweepstakes

Contests and Giveaways

They are giving away Ellen!

Big List of Giveaways

Frugal Girls

Gift card

Let the Prize Winning Begin!

Vegan Giveaway

tweetmeme  XBox 360

Gallery of poems

Moon Prision

Dream Job

Angel in Rags

Poetry

Jade Princess on a Blue Cloud

Angel Sightings

I felt in Love with post-rock quite awhile now.  Thanx to my friend, Dogcow Mac.  He intro 2 me a great experimental band from Japan, MONO.  ’Hymn to the Immortal Wind’ is their 5th album & it establishes Mono’s place among post rock’s top dogs.  A masterpiece indeed that can bring floods of tears.  Below are the track lists:

1. Ashes In The Snow
2. Burial At Sea
3. Silent Flight, Sleeping Dawn
4. Pure As Snow (Trails of the Winter Storm)
5. Follow The Map
6. The Battle to Heaven
7. Everlasting Light

I can’t point out my fav track cause all of them have their own strengths that make them stand out.  All tracks must be listened to cause every track is like a piece that can be combined to form an epic.  Thumbs up!!:)

Tamaki: bass, Yasunori Takada: drums, Yoda: guitar, Takaakira "Taka" Goto: guitar

Grab your girlfriends and head over to the CRAVE Holiday Shopping Party on Wednesday, December 9 from 5 – 9 pm at the Bison Building, Post 419.  Enjoy wine tasting presented by Pravia Wines & Events.

A CRAVE party is an exclusive, festive, glam-gal gathering of fun, entertainment, personal pampering, and sippin’ and noshin’ on great food. Visit stylish market stalls brimming with sample-sale-priced clothing, jewelry, handbags, girly gifts, bath and body treats, gourmet food, home decor, latest kiddie and chic mommy fashion, and oh so much more!

CRAVEportland’s ‘Holiday Cravings’ party supports American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk.

Hello? Personality? Where did you go? Is there anybody in there? You can run, but you can’t hide..

Or can it?

This last week I have zero motivation to do anything but read and take snaps, even snaps are half arsed. This is highly irritating and a little disturbing for someone who is usually doing 10 things at once and cannot sit still, but I don’t have the battery power to fire myself up and fix up. I feel suffocated. Something is smothering me, choking me, holding my arms behind my back and not letting go.

Whispering dirty nothings, putting thoughts into my mind that I do not wish to be there. What does it want? It has taken my personalty hostage and replaced it with nothing. Unoccupied space, a vacant head and heart. I am but a skeleton.

Once i’m out with people, i’m all good, IF you can get me out. Last month was pretty heavy, pretty intense, hilarious, chaotic, hurtful and awesome in many ways. I feel drained. So I thought, i’ll put it down to that. It’s more than that though, much more. Live, learn and move on. I’m getting better at this. I don’t have the energy to think about what it is. My personality will soon creep up behind me, give me a fright and possess me once again, right?

I thought maybe venting would help.

My energy and sense of humour have been zapped. My sense of humour never gets zapped. The passion I generally have for many things I either do not stop talking about, look up or read about – almost entirely void. I’ve got zero. Wherefore art thou Tahlie?

Strange, because yet I crave some kind of ‘kick your ass to the curb’ downer to make me switch off. Maybe that’s what it is. I’ve fried myself by overloading. I’m trying my hardest not to think about the billion things I need to think about, because I don’t know how to take one thing on at a time. Life is a complicated thing, sometimes.

Tension is rising. Does it make sense that one may go into some kind of mental hibernation from themselves? Taking also what is enjoyable and storing it away, too?

Well that’s not really fair, is it. I don’t like being a shell, a shell with many knots.

I miss you inspiration, passion, motivation, desire, drive.

It’s just stress, right? Stop kicking your own ass. I know this will pass quite swiftly but right now, it’s driving me mad.

Personality, please hurry back soon.

Yours longingly

Tahlie xox

I’ve been feeling pretty uninspired in the clothing department.  Also super stressed as this semester entailed more work than I’d thought.  Only three more weeks!

In order to put off writing my papers I thought I’d share these in the hopes that maybe I’d find something interesting to wear tomorrow morning for my day in the library (hint: it’ll be jeans and a tshirt and sneakers again… oh well…)

(most, if not all, photos from OlsensAnonymous)

some Olsens indulgence… always better than homework…

Nie lubię przekazywać złych wiadomości. Tym bardziej, jeśli po pierwszej, w dodatku niespodziewanej, pojawiają się kolejne i wydaje się, że czarna seria nie będzie miała końca. Otóż dzisiaj zbankrutowało kolejne już pismo skierowane do nieheteroseksualnych odbiorców. Mowa o hiszpańskim “Zero”.

“Czarną serię” rozpoczęły dwa brytyjskie tytuły: skierowany do lesbijek “crAve” oraz tygodnik “Pink paper”. Ten drugi był zresztą jedyną gazetą środowisk LGBT wydawaną na Wyspach Brytyjskich. W tej chwili wprawdzie działa dalej, ale wyłącznie jako internetowy serwis newsowy. Upadek “Pink Paper” był o tyle niespodziewany, że stał za nim potężny koncern mediowy MPG (Millivres Prowler Group) – wydawca takich tytułów, jak choćby znana nam wszystkim “Diva” czy skierowany do panów “GT”. O ile przyszłość “crAve” nie wygląda dobrze i jego okładki już raczej nigdy nie zobaczymy w kiosku, o tyle wydawcy “Pink Paper” zapewniają, że przywrócą tytuł, jak tylko uspokoi się sytuacja na rynku.

Zaledwie kilkanaście dni temu, gdy wydawało się, że kryzys ekonomiczny powoli mija, bankructwo ogłosił najstarszy i największy wydawca gazet LGBT w Stanach Zjednoczonych – Window Media. Zamknięto sześć tytułów, między innymi wydawaną od 40 lat, najstarszą amerykańską gazetę LGBT “Washington Blade”. Nic nie wskazywało na to, że Window Media może mieć kłopoty- “Washington Blade” sprzedawał się co tydzień w nakładzie 23 tysięcy egzemplarzy i uznawany był przez specjalistów od mediów za najbardziej wpływowe pismo branżowe nie tylko w USA, ale na całym świecie.

Kolejna ofiarą nierentowności okazało się niezwykle sympatyczne brytyjskie pisemko “Velvet”. Cieniutki kwartalnik wydawany pod patronatem Stelli Duffy rozważa wprawdzie powołanie do życia wersji online, ale wersja drukowana zniknie bezpowrotnie. Szkoda, bo “Velvet” był jednym z niewielu pism lesbijskich na rynku, które tak silnie zorientowane było na kulturę, literaturę i sztukę.

Wszyscy mieli nadzieje, że to już koniec pogromu wśród tęczowej prasy. Niestety. Dziś upadłość ogłosiło pismo “Zero”, największy hiszpański miesięcznik LGBT. W grudniu do kiosków trafi ostatni, 120 numer. Redaktor naczelny Miguel Ángel López przyznaje, że winę ponosi kryzys gospodarczy. Dochody pisma z reklam spadły w ostatnim roku aż o 60%, w związku z czym wydawca zwyczajnie nie miał innego wyjścia, jak zamknąć tytuł.

Nie ukrywam, że kolejne upadające pisma i ogólna sytuacja na rynku wydawniczym bardzo mnie martwią. Tym bardziej, że comiesięczne przesyłki od moich ulubionych wydawców są coraz cieńsze, mniejsze, lżejsze… Martwi mnie, że pisma, jeśli nawet nie znikają z rynku, zmniejszają częstotliwość, z którą ukazują się w kioskach. Tak na przykład stało się z “The Advocate”, który jakiś czas temu przekształcił się z dwutygodnika w miesięcznik.

Nie przekonują mnie argumenty, że wszystko można znaleźć w Internecie. Nie można. Nie takiej jakości, jak we wspomnianym przed chwilą “The Advocate”. Nie w takich blokach tematycznych, jakie funduje nam co miesiąc “Diva”. Nie o takim zapachu, jaki ma papier, na którym drukowany jest “Curve”. Dlatego boję się dnia, gdy w skrzynce pocztowej, zamiast zwyczajowej porcji fantastycznych artykułów, wywiadów i zdjęć, znajdę list z zawiadomieniem, że mojego ulubionego wydawcę trafił szlag.

]]> http://worldsasmyth.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/missing-links-mostly-lit-edition/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:30:41 +0000 worldsasmyth http://worldsasmyth.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/missing-links-mostly-lit-edition/

Hello there,

 I am inquiring into your copy of The Origin of the Species. I regret that I was unable to find a university nearby where the copies were being distributed. I notice that you have a very detailed download section on your website and am wondering if you might make a digital copy of the book available to the internet community.

Thank you for your time and what I assume will be a swift inclusion of the file’s availability,

Sincerely yours,
Mick Axelrod

http://www.worldsasmyth.wordpress.com

Chris Stevens at Crave (CNET-UK) wondered…

Using publicly available information, for the first time in the world, we have precisely and scientifically calculated the weight of the Internet. Obviously this information is only really useful to someone attempting to work out the cost of posting the Internet somewhere, perhaps to North Korea. Still, the casual reader — hi there! — may still enjoy learning just how damn heavy the thing is.

Read the entire analysis here.  But (SPOILER ALERT) lest readers agonize in suspense, the total mass of the internet is:

As Chris observes, “very heavy indeed.”

As we contemplate the weight of innovation, we might recall that it was on this date in 1867 that Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 21 years later (in 1888), a French newspaper ran a premature obituary of Nobel, ran his obituary under the cutting headline “Le marchand de la mort est mort” (the merchant of death is dead); Nobel’s reaction was to sign a will (in 1895) leaving the bulk of his fortune to establish and fund the Nobel Prizes.

Alfred Nobel

To be completely honest there are some things in life that I crave, absolutely need to have and comfort is one of those things especially at home.  I am the first to sacrifice comfort when it comes to a fabulous pair of heels, but when I am in my home I need comfort!  The Hubs and I are determined to create a comfortable and restorative space for our study.  We purchased the Lounge Sofa from Crate & Barrel which is arguably the most comfortable sofa ever – super deep with soft micro velvet fabric and down cushions.  In love!

Crate & Barrel Lounge Sofa

The cold nights are fast approaching, being cozy and warm under a thick wool cable knit throw blanket is my idea of comfort this winter.  With that said, now I need to find the perfect one.  Pottery Barn has a cable knit throw for $79 and unfortunately it is a cotton acrylic blend.  I hate hate hate synthetic materials like acrylic and polyester.

Pottery Barn Cable Knit Throw

Here are my throw blanket requirements:

1. Natural fiber – wool or cotton {bamboo too!}
2. Chunky cable knit
3. Ivory, cream or white

Check out this gorgeous chunky knit throw blanket that I found on Emilie Finds blog {http://bit.ly/90YEdf} this blanket in a neutral would be to die for!

Emilie Finds Blog

There is a blanket from West Elm that is growing on me the Lutz & Patmos honeycomb throw for $89 except it too is mostly acrylic.

West Elm Honeycomb Throw

Any suggestions where I could possibly find what I want for under $150 would be appreciated!  Thanks!!!

Sixty Nine and Counting….

By Londa B.

“Is that it?”

“Keep on trying to get in my back door, and you gon’ get knocked out!” I hissed as I took control of Darnel’s manhood to drive it to the right spot.

“UUUUmmm, that’s it right there baby. Damn, you wasn’t lying about having something else for a sister, huh?” I complimented while secretly trying to adjust my bearings, hoping to leave enough room at the top of the headboard; he ain’t gone knock me unconscious.

“Naw baby, I told you brotha was a little nervous the first time at the office, so my man was holding back a lil’ bit. I’m sure you will feel every measure I’m going to make so that kitty purrs.”

“Stop talking and get to work, that’s what I want you to do, work this on out!” I purred in my sex kitten voice while licking my thick, plump, envy evoking glossed out lips.

Oh – my – damn! The way he stirs my insides makes every part of my body crave that same touch, constantly. I have never had the desire to finish so early in the game, but it’s about to be over in the first quarter. All I could see was the ceiling one moment and the next moment I was face-deep moaning love songs to my pillow. The way this was going, I was going to have to fit Darnel in like my meals; breakfast lunch and dinner.

Back to the lab as the mad scientist would say! LOL! I noticed that the staffing was light today. Maybe folks were out on assignment or all decided to come in when they wanted to. Our boss, Marcus, allows us flex time here and there, as long as our assignments are complete. I keep telling myself to stay focused, be professional, and never f*&% at work again! As I take seat in my office chair, I sit back to wonder what the letter on the desk would reveal.

“Dana,

I have received many calls about your article on T-Pain. Now don’t worry, nothing is wrong, but the editors from VIBE, The Source and even Ebony have contacted my office inquiring about you. We should get together for drinks… late evening… to discuss your future! Let me know when you will have time to discuss your future. You control your destiny!

Tha Boss,

Marcus

“That dirty old, dead-swagga a## ni**a! These old a## ni**as just can’t accept the fact that their s%$+ isn’t it! Any ni**a I gotta jump start needs to be hauled away like a dead car. It’s useless, and too much work!

After reading that bull**** of a letter, most of my day was spent working fiercely. Before I knew it I cranked out over seven stories. I write well when I’m pissed! As I recline back into my chair, I notice Danielle, the office manager walking past my door. Now on tha real…that female right there is the fire. I mean fire, like Halle Berry mixed with the lead chick from the Pussy Cat Doll’s. The b**** was fierce. I thought my body was bangin’ and dangerous like a wet day at the racetrack, but her’s and mine…could be a tie. Instead of sweat, sexiness leaked from her glistening pores. I mean she was the type of woman that I wouldn’t mind tasting. Like many men say, “If I had my chance with Halle, we f******!” Well, that’s how I would react at a chance with Danielle. I have always been on the blue team, only because I’ve never seen a woman as fierce. The urges, along with the curiosities came and went like the spring to summer winds. Well… next thing I knew, she was at my office door; she must have heard my thoughts.

“Hey mami, you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, just trying to finish up work, so I can jet. Where is everyone at?” I asked while eyeballing the hell out of her. Kind of like how Marcus did to me, but with much more swagger and class.

“Out on assignment in New York City. Diddy couldn’t come to us, so they went to him. Diddy is big, so we have to cater! Marcus’ old punk a## went to go kiss a##.” She stated as she placed a hot latte on my desk.

“Good, he will be gone for a while!” I said while slowly placing my full lips on the cup while keeping eye contact with this ultra fine Diva.

“Look, let’s cut the s*** Dana. I’m very aware of what team you have been playing for, but I know who you want to substitute for too! I never went for the s*** Marcus tried to throw at me. He’s too weak. I don’t like ni**as like that! It’s been a long time since a nice taste like you has come along.” Danielle stated as she positioned herself on her knees right in front of my chair.

“I’m feeling you, so the desire to taste you is bad like a mutha! I know you’re sexin’ that ni**a Darnel, but it’s all good. Trust me…I know!” She grinned, “However, something tells me that one taste of you and one taste of me will scratch that ni**a off like a losing scratch off ticket! Let me do it for you, Mami. Let me make sure you get out of here on top…in more than one way, that is! All without having to f*** that dog Marcus.”

I sat up and leaned right into her mouth without one moment of reservation. Dang, our tongues may as well have been on fire, because I was warming up! No one here but us, she knew exactly how to do what she wanted to do! I leaned back into the chair and told her to ‘make it do what it do.’ She coyly smiled. Next thing I knew…I was sliding right down into her lotus grip. The girl’s tongue had my p**rl tight and swollen in what one could say was her signature tongue lasso! With each loop she made, my eyes looped right in sync. Her skills were very intoxicating.

Before we knew it…the number sixty nine, was our favorite. This s*** here, erased what Darnel and I had recently done. Afterwards, we cleaned up, gathered our s*** and exchanged numbers. We couldn’t resist the urges to kiss in between. We decided to use different pal names so no one would be up on our game. We knew this wasn’t our last feast!

On the drive home, looking into the rearview mirror, many emotions run through my body. I don’t know what I got myself into, but at this moment… I – don’t – give – a – darn! I guess being focused, professional, and not f****** on the job, is out of comprehension and out of sight. I just hope she lives up to her word. Now… how do I go back to Darnel after f****** with Danielle? Something tells me that by the end of this internship… I’m going to have to sell my soul, to get out alive. Darn, this life as an InBox intern is starting to get crazy!

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I miss you sitting on top of tall ladders talking outside my bedroom window.

I’m still right across from you. I’m still right outside your bedroom window, you just need to turn and look at me.

I’ve seen a lot of theatre in the past few weeks since I’ve posted. The most stirring of them all was “Crave” by Sarah Kane.

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the program I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your ass your…
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbor comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want want you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really dont’ want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

Things have been so insanely busy…between Master Electrician for Streetcar Named Desire, which was epic and wonderful, and then moving directly into work for the Department show of Rent, I’ve barely had time to lift my head above water let alone eat, sleep, or do non-theatre work.

Streetcar: Team Lights

Things have gotten better, but this week has still contained two nights without sleep (Wednesday night /Thursday morning and Saturday night/Sunday morning).

I spent a long while at the cast party for Streetcar talking outside with the lighting designer, cursing about gender and the Vassar experiment and how it has spilled over into my world at Smith.

And I cannot decide what I want and I now have no idea who I am. I have to face returning to Smith, returning to an all-women’s college when inevitably, people have begun to ask C. what pronouns I want to go by. How can I explain this? Do I need to operate through life with a disclaimer on my chest?

Am I constantly doomed to be read as a gay man (for when I am read as male, that’s how I am read) ?

Can “Jacks” and “Alana” exist as one person when I feel constantly displaced as both? I don’t really care about acceptance from the real world, though the reactions of my parents terrify me, but why can’t I just find a place within myself where I feel comfortable residing? Why must I choose, male or female? I am neither. I disagree with the perceptions and connotations of both so why can’t E. and Smith students and Vassar students and my parents just understand that?

I feel comforted by the fact that E.V. seems to comprehend it. She has mentioned once or twice that she wants to have these “gender conversations” with me. But I feel like my life is one big conversation about it. So sometimes its nice just to be with someone who sees my maleness and femaleness as one unalterable compound thing. Finally I feel viewed as an individual, a person. Perhaps I feel so comfortable with her because I do not feel like I have to act male or act female, do not have to hide the fact that when I get drunk or high, i become girly, do not have to be macho or feminine to please the viewer or the viewer’s perception of me.

Back to real life, my favorite of the all-nighters I pulled was Saturday. It started with going to see The Full Monthy, then pizza at Bacio’s at midnight, then writing a paper on The Handmaid’s Tale until 5 AM, moments of other what other’s would see as violent but to me was intimate and unifying, then prep cooking for Sunday night and watching the sun rise over Sunset Lake. And then, finally, sleep.

Last night was Ferry House Thanksgiving. Delicious vegan/vegetarian food: vegan mashed potatoes, salad with tahini dressing, mushroom and cabbage pieroges, whole wheat pesto pasta, squash lasagna, sweet squash and beans, corn muffins, apple crisp, bread pudding, molasses pie, wine and beer. Yet before anyone even got there, with the craziness in the kitchen and mass cleaning and then beers while waiting for everyone to arrive…it felt like family, like real family. Finally now, I know where I belong. It’s many hundred miles but it won’t be long.

I’ve had so many adventures here. And even with a little less than a month left, even though that is so much time, I have begun to reflect, perhaps to prepare myself for the inevitable return.

A lot of people have been asking me lately if I’m staying for a semester or a year. The last time it came up, the answer managed to silence the whole room. Before that, the stage manager of Streetcar spent twenty drunken minutes trying to convince me to transfer.

But who will remember me when I’m gone from this place? Will they look back and think: “Oh remember Jacks? He was awesome.” Will freshman ask, “Who was Jacks?” “Oh just this guy. He was only here for one semester…”

I don’t really care either way. My friends, the people who matter here, will miss me. I think. These silly things I like to dwell on.

Memories of friends, memories of any night, of nights I like best: The room is full of smoke and dialogue I know by heart. It’s well after midnight, and I’m sitting on the couch with my good friends, relaxin’ and passin’. Someone is playing a game on the TV and there is ska music coming from the walls. The world has stopped, and we have too; stopped caring, stopped crying and stopped regretting. We are all friends, no matter the difference.

ML and JK forever

Cute drunkies.

All you need is love

There's a girl, named Jackson

Talking about love, dancing about architecture...but I'm sure Vassar has an architecture/dance class

Good friends + cheap wine = memorable wonderful times

blah, blah, blah~

Just finished reading Cross by James Patterson, I need to look for my next read…I’m undecided as to what I want to engross myself in…so for now the selection is up in the air. I’ve reordered scrips, and replied to a couple of emails, I’ve had my coffee too.

I need to go and fiddle around the fridge and make room for the turkey…the thawing out process needs to start.

Last night after spending some time on Skype with my girls I was painfully reminded that I cannot keep my head in the sand as I am prone to do. I am not ready to deal with making the arrangements yet for my next hospital visit. I have looked at the school calendar and it works pretty good, the boys will be out of school while I am in the hospital….one less thing to worry about. The only thing to keep in mind is I need to be dropped off and picked up…other than that I should be okay….but for now it isn’t something I want to worry about….I’d much rather keep happy thoughts in my head…like the next few days where I get to enjoy having my boys around.

Maybe today I will find energy to make a cake…I need/want/must have something sweet.

Después de una larga ausencia, he decidido volver a la carga dedicando una entrada a la mayor fuente de visitas de este blog desde que comenzamos: Jaimee Foxworth. Esa niña que no consiguió conquistar los corazones del público con su papel en Cosas de casa y que decidieron borrar de un plumazo traumatizandola de por vida.

Nació en el 17 de Diciembre 1979 en Illinois y comenzó a hacer pinitos como modelo en 1984 con 5 años. Estos anuncios la valieron para salir en vallas publicitarias y televisión y así en 1989 conseguir el papel que la marcaría para siempre, la pequeña Judy Winslow en cosas de casa. Por si no la recordáis era la hija pequeña con trencitas y pocos diálogos.

Hola mama, salgo en la tele!!

Todo parecía de color de rosa para Jaimee, con un papel en una de las series del momento que no corría riesgo de cancelación gracias a sus grandes audiencias y a personajes tan carismaticos como Steve Urkel y su alter ego Stefan Urquelle, pero tras 4 temporadas de figurar, la pequeña Judy subió las escaleras para nunca más regresar. Lo curioso de todo esto, es que a pesar de emitir 5 temporadas más, nunca se dió ninguna explicación en la serie de que había pasado y a partir de ese momento, todo el mundo se comportaba en la casa como si Judy nunca hubiera existido (De hecho, incluso el público tardó en darse  cuenta de que la niña ya no estaba)

Investigando un poco, he descubierto que lo que motivo esa desaparición fulminante, fue que la madre de Jaimee exigió un aumento de sueldo para su hija ya que según ella, su hija era uno de los personajes principales de la serie. Los productores no debieron estar muy de acuerdo y decidieron borrarla del mapa mandandola a su cuarto y haciendola desaparecer en una dimensión paralela.

Al cumplir los 18 años decidió reinventarse, y montar un pedazo de grupo de Hip Hop llamado She junto a sus dos hermanas, Tyren Perry y Jania Foxworth pero volvió a comerse un panchito y empezaba a parecer una tradición. Una pena que no se aliaran con Limahl para crear el super grupo definitivo!

Que campechanas, la foto de la comunión como portada!

Viendo que todo lo que emprendía le salía mal, su madre aprovechó para gastarse todo el dinero que su pequeña había ganado con el sudor de su frente durante esos 4 años en cosas de casa. Este hecho fue el empujoncito final para que Jaimee callera en una espiral  autodestructiva, primero sufriendo una depresión y luego volviendose alcoholica a los 21 años.

Esta sucesión de acontecimientos daría lugar a lo que todos estáis esperando, Jaimee imitó a su amigo Urkel y creó a su alter ego “Crave” que se dedicaría al mundo del PORNO para hacer pastaca, según decía ella, por 30 minutos de rodaje era 15.000$ mas rica. No la debió gustar mucho ya que solo apareción en 6 peliculas entre 2000 y 2002, utilizando siempre a su alter ego. Este era su aspecto por aquel entonces (Pinchando en la foto podéis ver más contenido)

En 2003 logró desintoxicarse y empezó una nueva vida menos autodestructiva, trabajando como asistente en una agencia de nuevos talentos creada por su madre, donde continúa actualmente.

En 2006 fue entrevistada en “The Oprah Wingfrey Show” donde explicó su historia con el fin de concienciar a otros jóvenes artistas para que no cometan sus mismos errores.

En 2009 dió a luz a su primer hijo Michael Douglas Shaw, Jr,

Actualmente parece recuperada y luce este aspecto!

Jaimee, sigue por el buen camino y alejate de los vicios!!!

We love getting emails from students that attended the workshop, especially when it includes updates on their work- it’s a real treat!

We received these shots from Dee Swan who took it upon herself to organise a photoshoot, have a look and let us know what you think!

All Photography by Dee Swan

www.swan-photo.com

Styling by Louise Kennedy

Make Up by Elaine Kennedy

www.elainekennedy.ie

Models: Anita Callan, Jen Walsh, Cherida Naughton

Featuring Boutiques: Kalu, Crave, Couture and Jen all in Naas, Co. Kildare.

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