Creek

I was thinking about the article Switters posted about the mice getting into tying materials, and it so happens that yours truly hates the little critters! Not just a dislike between rodent and woman, no, it is a hatred based on the following incident.

Of Mice and Women: Aspects of Female Aggression “This book is a comprehensive compilation and discussion of research findings on female aggression from anthropology, social psychology, animal research, case studies, and representations in literature. This multidisciplinary approach will address such questions as: ‘Are females less aggressive than males?’ ‘Is female aggressive behavior perhaps quantitatively, different than male aggressive behavior?’ The book also discusses patterns of agression, the role of hormones in aggression, cultural differences, and how human aggression differs from aggression within animal species.”

Home made potato soup, Jesse made it for us for dinner one night.

Seagull hanging on our roof, he heard there was good vittles in our yard [I dumped a bunch of cereal out there]

Poor baby! Just got home from having 4 wisdom teeth pulled

We got hubby a chainsaw bear for his man cave/shed. I think he liked it.

Chloe Lynn’s favorite spot

Curried Corn Salad with Orange Garlic rice from Cooking at Harmony Hill. I got the book from my mom for Christmas.

This was yummy.

Asian coleslaw; sesame dressing, sesame seeds, cranraisins. YUM

Potato Casserole from Starving Student Vegetarian Cookbook found at thrift store. YUM

Black Bean Soup with Orange Garlic rice and fried Tofu cutlets. YUM

Curried Carrot Salad with garam masala spice. gross.

My Current work in progress

Click here to see what each flower represents.

Hope your new year is starting out splendid!

Kristina

Lately i have been playing mafia wars .. alot! and at the same time writing too many exams! .. i guess this is what happens when u over do both of them .. lol!

ok enough of the laughs! the pic is really awesome!

Last month, in one of my crazier moments, I decided that I should watch a hundred new films every year. “New” meaning movies & documentaries that I haven’t seen from start to finish. Some were good and some were downright awful, but the lesson I learned is that no matter what the subject, who the director or when it came out, it will all come down to how that film touches you, the viewer. It can have fuzzy details or absurd plot, but if you love it, and I mean truly love it, then it won’t matter what the film critics say. To adore a film or to mock it is a beautiful testament to free will, individuality (or madness, depending on who you’re asking. lol) and the uniqueness of every person.

I ended up watching about 40 films in 2 months. I also learned that some things are better taken in at a leisurely pace not in a two-month frenzy. hehehe. I had dizzy late nights and moments that I just wanted to quit, but hey doesn’t every great goal have obstacles? lol. I got to the 100th film on the very last day of 2009, an hour & a half to go before 2010 rang in.

So lo and behold, my 100 films for ‘09 (in no particular order, except for the last one Taking Woodstock which my last movie for 2009):

1. Terminator: Salvation
2. Somersault
3. Ugly Truth
4. Star Trek
5. The Hangover
6. Rocket Science
7. Watchmen
8. Young Victoria
9. Xmen Origins: Wolverine
10. Transformers 2
11. My Bloody Valentine
12. Inkheart
13. Turistas
14. Push
15. Fired Up
16. Fast & the Furious 4
17. Pride & Glory
18. Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist
19. Crank 2
20. Snakes on a Plane
21. Angel & Demons
22. Up
23. The Proposal
24. Ice Age 3
25. Public Enemies
26. Harry Potter 6
27. All the Boys love Mandy Lane
28. GI Joe
29. District 9
30. Final Destination 4
31. Make It Happen
32. Bride Wars
33. 17 Again
34. D-Wars
35. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
36. Taking of Pelham 123
37. Labor Pains
38. Spring Breakdown
39. Confessions of a Shopaholic
40. Slumdog Millionaire
41. Hannah Montana
42. Fanboys
43. The International
44. Yes Man
45. Gettin’ Square
46. Dogtown & Z-Boys
47. Sicko
48. Yes Man
49. Over Her Dead Body
50. Role Models
51. Pineapple Express
52. Never Back Down
53. The Haunting of Molly Hartley
54. Passengers
55. Max Payne
56. Mutant Chronicles
57. The Age of Stupid
58. What Happens in Vegas
59. Kung Fu Panda
60. 21
61. Love Happens
62. The Kingdom
63. Bedtime Stories
64. Quarantine
65. Beverly Hills Chihuahua
66. 500 Days of Summer
67. The Time Traveler’s Wife
68. ILY, Beth Cooper
69. Law Abiding Citizen
70. Jennifer’s Body
71. New Moon
72. 2012
73. Born Rich
74. Accepted
75. Swing Vote
76. The Seeker
77. Open Road
78. Post Grad
79. Homecoming
80. Spread
81. New in Town
82. Billabong Odyssey
83. Zombieland
84. The Education of Charlie Banks
85. Avatar
86. Paper Heart
87. Veronika Decides to Die
88. Table for Three
89. He’s just Not That Into You
90. 30 Days of Night
91. Inglourious Basterds
92. Couples Retreat
93. Burn After Reading
94. The Spirit
95. Ten-Inch Hero
96. The Usual Suspects
97. The Jane Austen Book Club
98. The Darjeeling Limited
99. Reservoir Dogs
100. Taking Woodstock

So that’s it. Next time, I’ll this one earlier. hehehe… Happy New Year everyone!

Perubahan adalah kita..

Kita adalah perubahan..

Perubahan adalah teriak..

Perubahan adalah riak..

Terkadang

Perubahan adalah airmata atau rekah senyuman.

Perubahan bukan berarti menghapus semua atau membuang tanpa sisa

Perubahan hanya menutup yang kelam menjadi putih

Membasuh yang anyir menjadi wangi

Menghelai yang rapuh menjadi kuat, dan yang bercarut menjadi runtut.

Perubahan bukan iswara kematian

Perubahan bukan isyarah kegetiran

yang datang dan pergi merunut tanpa jeda

Lalu apakah diriku sudah berubah juga???

Jawabnya iya, hanya beberapa…

Benang kelam itu aku padukan dengan benang emas dan aku sulam

Mozaik yang sudah enam purnama aku pasang, aku paskan dari letaknya yang agak miring.. kubersihkan dari debu, kutinggikan letaknya, hingga pasang sore nanti tak menenggelamkannnya!

Dan Masih Seperti Sediakala….

(Meski jembatanku masih terbuat dari bambu, tetap aku sebrangi 2009 menuju 2010)

Another ‘no sleep in sight night’ for me. But I wonder…is it because I cannot sleep or because I do not want to sleep? I had mentioned a while back that the night is my haven. It is dark and quiet. [the way I like it] My kids call me momma Vampyre. I am normal. No need to get up and go. No need to do anything at all. The house is ‘asleep’ and I can be whole, if only for a short time. Hubby is buzz sawing in sofa city again. The kids [off school] are quietly playing video games. And, again the big dogs are sound to sleep in here with me. Life, for me, can not get any better than this. As I read this, I realize it  may sound kind of  pathetic to those who do not know me. In all actuality, it is quite awesome. I can hear the occasional loud ’snort’ from sofa city, and the kids pop in from time to time to get a hug and tell me they love me. That’s wicked cool if you ask me.

If I was well, life would be sooooo much more different. But, I wonder, would it be better? Would I be happier? The initial answer is HELL to the YES!! But, really, would it be? My husband would have a better wife, my kids a better mommy.  So for them, yes, I feel it would be better. Sadly, we will never know. Would I give my right arm for my legs to work again, fatigue to stop, MS to go the fuck away…YUP!! Cut it off, no anesthetic, whatever, just give me back my legs and take the MS back!! Hmmmm, ok maybe use anesthetic. lol I mean, I’m left handed…

I have been watching a buttload of movies and get so depressed sometimes. I hate people that can walk!! Ok, not the people so much, but their ability to walk. I get very jealous. Yup, I said it, I get jealous and yes anger plays a part as well. I’m human, it happens. I’m also honest. When I used to pick up the kids from school, I would sit in the van and cry watching all the moms standing around and getting their kids. Some holding babies or their toddlers. I barely got to do that with my girls because by the time they were born the weakness got very bad. I was much too afraid to carry them for fear of falling and/or dropping them. Even with the boy, I was afraid to fall and/or drop him. By then he was 2yrs 4mos. It really sucked! What they did get, was a mommy home with them all the time. Helping with homework, reading to them, being there for them 24/7. So, sometimes I feel they got more from me than from the ‘healthy’ moms. My time was for them. If anything, hubby got the worst of it having to do all the things I could no longer do. Aw hell, it builds character! lol

I used to get mad as for years I knew something was wrong. I was dx’ed with CFS in 1986. I guess they figured a 6′ tall, thin, healthy woman, did not need an MRI or anything then.  I was working and going to college. No wonder why I was tired. Then I wonder if I had know, would I have had children? Would I have married? My answer, most likely NOT! It’s now a tad late for the what ifs. So, I just keep on keeping on and wear whatever mask is needed for the day. My masks are my protection from the world. Those close to me know when my masks are on [sometimes]. Those not close to me do not need to know. It is better for them they do not see the real pain behind the mask. My way of protecting others I guess.

As 2009 comes closer to the end, I wonder…will 2010 look brighter? I guess the real question is, will I look to 2010 as brighter? Just like ‘how many licks to get to the center of a lollipop’… the world may never know! HA

Blessings and Hope …

]]> http://alexaaaish.wordpress.com/2009/12/29/tyra-banks-calls-it-quits/ Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:53:27 +0000 alexaaaish http://alexaaaish.wordpress.com/2009/12/29/tyra-banks-calls-it-quits/

Sooo if you havn’t heard already Tyra Banks is cancelling her show. To be honest it’s about time! So in memory of Tyra I decided to show you a video on youtube of her craziest moments. I still have no idea what’s wrong with this lady -_- ?

So, another ‘Sleepless in California’ night going on here. At least no snoring issue! Poor hubby is in sofa city tonight. Thankfully, for him, it is a nice pullout bed with a nice mattress pad thingie. He can snore until the cows come home without fear of waking up with a headache! I actually have my room and my bed all to myself too. Usually when dad is in sofa city one of the girls come on in and bunk with the mom. They worry about mommy being all alone. [not knowing mommy loves to be alone...sometimes] I’m watching “Bride Wars’, playing in FB and blogging. Does it get any better than this, I think not! I was going to watch ‘Silence of the Lambs’, but figured maybe not when I am all alone! lol That movie freaks me out.

Chance [Border Collie] is sleeping on the bed right next to me and Sadie is on her bed on the floor. Dexter is in with the girls, so all is quiet on the western front.  Every now and then I hear Austin yell at his computer game. This is how I know he is here and alive.

As I watch the movie [Bride Wars], I feel sad. I see such an amazing friendship and cry for one like that. I know it’s a movie, but I have heard others talk about their BFF’s and I feel detached  from it. I mean, I feel very close to a select few of my friends, but wish we all were closer to create the bonds of those who have grown up together and live near one another. I am probably not making much sense here. Shoot, I do not even know what I mean. Here I go, rambling yet again.

I mentioned in a blog before that I tend to write what I’m thinking and how I am thinking it. So, many times my thoughts are out-of-order and all over the place. If you can understand me, then you might be a bit nutty like me. lol Or like the song says; ‘I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell’. I have all these ideas and thoughts that pop in my head, but most of the time they make no sense whatsoever. They must be medication induced or something. I know some of my dreams [when I actually sleep] are. lol I just cannot pinpoint why I am all over the place lately. Usually I can focus on things. Now, not so much.

I truly hate leaving my home. Kind of scares me as at home I am safe and in control. When I go out, I am at the mercy of others and my wheel-chariot.  Others for help in reaching items on high shelves, my WC if the power dies. Others drive my van with me in it, as even though I am still able to drive, I prefer not to. I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that all of a sudden my right leg will go, like me left, and I will not be able to brake or accelerate. That has not really ever happened before, but the fear is there. And it is terrifying.

I keep having one dream that is the same. Maybe why I am having a hard time sleeping. I dream that I wake up and am completely paralyzed. Like the woman with MS that Dr. Kevorkian helped. So, ya, that might why I am having trouble sleeping. Hmmmm, think I’m on to something. I know that progression is in my future. The rate of progression is not known, and I am praying it is a slow(er) progression. Oh shit blah blah blah.

So, my train of thought has left the station.  Peace out!

Blessings and Hope…

]]> http://pantyworld.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/face-book-is-weird/ Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:02:18 +0000 cassiexxx http://pantyworld.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/face-book-is-weird/

First off I want to thank everyone for visiting my site yesterday to the tune of nearly 700 visitors.  I never expected to ever entertain that many people in a given day, I guess people like hearing what I have to say about my life.  I think that tonight I am going to talk about my adventures in the realm of Facebook.

Lately I have been talking to a lot of my friends and we are starting to realize the same thing.  There are guys pretending to be girls on Facebook.  Personally I don’t care, chances are I will never meet any of them, and if they would like to pretend to be girls then so be it.  As long as they are convincing I really don’t have a problem with it.  I think it’s kind of cute in a way.  I would however like it more if they would be themselves.  If it’s lingerie they like wearing and talking about it, I am more than happy to help a hand.

I started pulling down my photos on face book for two reasons.  First off someone downloaded them and started their own profile with my pictures.  I guess I should be flattered about it, but they are fairly personal photos, that I was sharing with friends.  The second reason and really the main reason is I got a nastygram from Facebook telling me that the photos are too graphic for the site.  They woould close my account if I continue to keep it on there.  So if you get some photos of me, not that anyone would want to pretend to be me, realize that it is someone pretending to be me. I will keep my photos of me as a catagory and if you want to see them just click on it.  If any of them end up on anyone elses account on facebook, ignore them.

Next let’s talk about the guys on facebook.  For the most part, many are nice with families or girlfriends or boyfriends that just want to chat and read my blog.  Cool, I love that, I even chat back all the time.  They realize that they are friends and all they want to do is tell me I’m cute or ask for advice, maybe even some flirting.  I love that, what I don’t love is guys talking graphically about my body further than, you have a nice body.  I don’t want to hear how you are going to tear my ass up, or how bad you want to fuck me from behind.  If one of you is reading this, please keep those thoughts to your masturbation fantasies.  I have a boyfriend and even if I didn’t using a pick up line like do you want to suck my cock is not getting me hot and bothered to do so.

More on guys and how willing they are to show me their dicks.  Now I love sucking and fucking a nice cock like any other bisexual girl out there, however I get absolutely no joy out of seeing one in a picture.  There are some types of pictures I like, if its an action shot (oral or sex), or if they are in lingerie.  A picture of a dick no matter what size by itself, is just not alluring.  This also goes with the tanned six pack abs.  Unless you are Kurt Lockwood, I am not interested.  I could care less, in fact the tighter the abs the less attracted I am to you.

Next up, I am not a porn star, nor do I play one on TV.  I am a high school student that works for Victoria’s Secret part time.  I’m not an escort, I don’t do modeling shoots, I don’t sell my underwear, I am a blogger who talks about sex and my life and things I like.  Yes I am kinky, I like a guy in lingerie, I like my ass played with, I enjoy giving head and swallowing cum.  That doesn’t mean I am a whore, it means I am normal.  My intentions are not to make money on this site, all I want to do is write.  If you ever want to ask me questions from a girls perspective, by all means do so, I love to chat as many of you know.

I hope I don’t sound like a bitch, but really I want this to be as enjoyable for me as it is for you.  I’m really nice and fun loving, just realize that although some of my friends on facebook are actual porn stars, that doesn’t mean I am too.  I want to talk with each and everyone of you.  I love to chat with people and bond with them.  Already, I have several girl and guy freinds that I care deeply about, Linda, Courtney, Jim, Peta, Jess, Jerry, and Bella.  There are many more I talk to everyday.  Don’t be nervous, but don’t be a jerk, just be my friend.

Whoo I think I’m done here, my intentions were not to write a bitch session, but I’m sure that’s what it will be like. I’m sure a lot of my readers will agree with me on this and share some of your experiences with me.  More than likely if you see this as someone’s profile picture, it’s not real:

Let me know if you share my experiences on here.

I love you all,

Cassie

We just got home from Leslie’s house and I had a couple glasses of wine.

We played some games and had lots of fun. I got heartburn and the hiccups. We then came home to open presents.

The one we were most worried about was the chainsaw carved bear we bought for jim. From a place in Allyn.

So far he loves it, it will sit on the porch of his man shed….. also got him a Home Depot gift certificate to finish the man shed so it will be ready to occupy. soon.

I’m looking forward to sitting out there reading and writing with no one to bother me.

Tomorrow we head out to the grandparents house, me to my parents house, and jim and Jesse to jim’s parents house.

Be blessed and joyful in the new year. God loves you.

Kristina

I really love the snow! It has been such a beautiful evening. So far it has just been a pleasure to watch.

(That is about as pleasant as I am going to get, so if you do not wish to get bummed out please do not continue reading!)

On another note, it makes me feel lonely because I wish I had someone to watch it come down with me. I wish I had someone to snuggle up with… I wish I just had someone to talk about it with me. This is the kind of feeling I want to associate this weather with.. not being sad and alone. It seemed tonight like everyone had the one they loved close to them and that they were all happy. I choked back my true feelings, smiled and went with it…

Now because I hid my feelings so well all night I feel like it is just bursting out of me! The tears just keep coming. I might feel better if I knew that there was someone else out there that cared for me too. (It is completely obvious by the lack of communication that it is true, even after I said something about not talking lately.) Sure, I have some friends that care about me for the most part, but I need something more than that. I want a true and deep connection. God, I hate feeling like this on one of the most momentous occasions of the year! I should just be happy to be alive and in the moment but I can’t. I have tried. It works for a couple of hours and then everything goes to the waste basket. (I figured that kind of language is appropriate for it being Christmas and all.)

This December has changed me. I feel like I am completely lost and everything that made sense in my world is gone. Everyday it seems that I am losing myself a little bit more… that I am becoming a shell. I hide my feelings and just stagnate. Hope has fled me.  Every single day I get more and more mad about it. I get more and more hate building in my heart. It makes me just want to close it off forever and never let anyone in! (And, I do mean anyone!)

Well, it seems we got a Christmas present:

The Senate voted Thursday to reinvent the nation’s health care system, passing a bill to guarantee access to health insurance for tens of millions of Americans and to rein in health costs as proposed by President Obama.

Like a lot of elaborate presents it’s not completely assembled yet and there are add-ons that didn’t come with the package, but this shows it’s worth it:

Under the bill, insurers could not deny coverage because of a person’s medical condition; could not charge higher premiums because of a person’s sex or health status; and could not rescind coverage when a person becomes sick or disabled. The government would, in effect, limit the profits of insurers by requiring them to spend at least 80 to 85 cents of every premium dollar on medical care.

It would have been nice if it was better and it would be nice if the president didn’t again campaign against progressives, but all in all this is a nice present.

In other news, what goes better with Christmas than bombing (italics added):

The risks of acquiescence are obvious. Iran supplies Islamist terrorist groups in violation of international embargoes. Even President Ahmadinejad’s domestic opponents support this weapons traffic. If Iran acquired a nuclear arsenal, the risks would simply be too great that it could become a neighborhood bully or provide terrorists with the ultimate weapon, an atomic bomb.

…

The final question is, who should launch the air strikes? Israel has shown an eagerness to do so if Iran does not stop enriching uranium, and some hawks in Washington favor letting Israel do the dirty work to avoid fueling anti-Americanism in the Islamic world.

But there are three compelling reasons that the United States itself should carry out the bombings. First, the Pentagon’s weapons are better than Israel’s at destroying buried facilities. Second, unlike Israel’s relatively small air force, the United States military can discourage Iranian retaliation by threatening to expand the bombing campaign. (Yes, Israel could implicitly threaten nuclear counter-retaliation, but Iran might not perceive that as credible.) Finally, because the American military has global reach, air strikes against Iran would be a strong warning to other would-be proliferators.

So, if Iran does anything to retaliate, this guy thinks the US should be willing to start  large scale bombings and thinks the reason Israel shouldn’t be the one to bomb now is that they’re not willing enough to use their illegal nuclear weapons (we might need to use nuclear weapons against Iran because if we don’t, Iran might threaten to use nuclear weapons and using nuclear weapons is bad if it’s not by us). Nice Christmas message.

Anyway, Merry Christmas.

Oh my god… my family cannot believe that I am single and that I don’t want them to set me up with anyone.

I am just so tired of all the judgment! I don’t care what you think about my life and how I screwed it up with whatever they don’t see as a great choice… I don’t need to hear it.

Today has been such a horrible day. Please let it be over soon…

What a day today has been. I was diagnosed with insomnia this morning. I was given something very mild (not something I can get addicted to, thank goodness) to take to guarantee that I at lest get 1-3 hours worth of sleep. Hopefully it will kick-start my sleep pattern to where I can actually fall asleep in the first place and I won’t be waking up at every hour on the hour if I do fall asleep.

Speaking of sleep.. I had the worst nightmares ever last night. In the first one I remember someone close to me got into a car accident and died. I woke up with tears in my eyes. Then, after I finally fell asleep again I kept having the same dream. Every time I would be with people I haven’t been around for about a year. We were swimming underwater and somehow we could breath. However, this place was like some underwater zoo and all these animals could live down there but the only place I ever got to was the area with all the snakes. It was like a conglomeration of every snake to ever exist on the planet all gathered in one place. Also, there was a crack in the front where one with huge fangs kept getting out. He bit me many times and he was also extremely venomous. That means in the dream I was panicked about getting medical treatment and of course, no one would help me. Anyway, these so-called friends I was with would just continually let these snakes out. Naturally, seeing as it was my dream, all the snakes came directly to me. I began to get tangled in them and they wrapped their huge bodies around me as they bit me and squeezed me. There was no escape.

Again, I woke up crying. Oh well… maybe these sleeping pills will give me good dreams for once.

Yes I had some last minute shopping stuff to do!!! Needless to say traffic, the mall, wal mart, and every other store was whew CRAZY!!! This year was fun for me eventhough I really don’t like shopping or crowds; I love doing nice things for my friends and family.
As I was making my final purchase, I realized that it’s almost over. Christmas is almost over. The hustle and bustle, crazy traffic, and crowded stores are almost over, or are they? Nope!
Christmas is eternal! It’s not once a year. It’s not hustle and bustle, crazy traffic, or manic shopping! It’s the reminder that the greatest gift EVER given began unwrapping itself over 2000 years ago in Bethlehem and the gift is called redemption. Our savior Jesus was sent from God to start the process to buy us back for His Glory and our salvation. The way is paid for all but only those who believe on Him will receive the eternal life of Christ! Merry Christmas may the gift giving of the gospel never end!!

There are just so many things I dislike about this place. I think it is funny when my mother asks me, “…don’t you want to go out and do something?” No, I don’t. There is nothing to do and I have too many memories that I would like to keep that way in my head. If I go places that have meaning to me I alter what I feel about them with the nonsense all around me right now. Anyway, I am perfectly fine just being here at the house and reading books and watching television.

Tomorrow should be fun. I am driving back to Springfield tomorrow to work for a little over 6 hours. Then I get to chill with Erin and her new baby. We are going to make something healthy and then enjoy eating it… I am pretty excited for some girl time. Also, I don’t mind working. It gives me something to do.

I had some good news today. Since the end of November I have lost 16 pounds. I have lost two inches in my chest and waist and I have lost one inch in my hips. I knew I could lose weight before Aaron and Nicki’s wedding rolls around. Yay!

Anyway, I am so bored I don’t even really know what to do right now. I think I will just go and listen to music or read or something. Hopefully something to stimulate my mind. (One can only read so much news. After a while the same headlines keep popping up on all the different sites…)

For anyone who actually looks at this every once and a while, Happy Holidays!