'PLEASE KILL ME! I can't take this dialogue anymore!'

‘Now what?’

This is what I thought when I heard that Stephen Sommers had directed a movie called Deep Rising and it didn’t have mummies, vampires, or toys in it.

This is also the catch-phrase, if it constitutes one, of the main character, played by Treat Williams. It encapsulates perfectly everything I feel about this film, as well as the frame of mind this was produced under.

Firsty, let me say it’s lazy writing. Catch-phrases are intrinsically lazy, designed to choke an extra laugh from a sitcom audience without any extra writing, but this one is lazy even by catch-phrase standards.

Consider some of the best catch-phrases:

Aye Caramba!

Hi-Diddily Ho!

Excellent!

Yes, these are all from The Simpsons.

Now consider some of the worst catchphrases:

“Now what?

See the difference? The former are uttered under certain conditions, and in emotion – surprise, eagerness, evilness, and annoyance respectively  – while the latter is something someone might just say at any time.

[Side-note: In The Simpsons episode where Bart becomes famous for the lame catch-phrase on Krusty "I didn't do it!', the mundaneness of the catch-phrase is part of the satire, as is pointed out on the commentary for that episode. End side-note.]

Not only is it a bad catch-phrase, it says something bad about the state of film in general and this film in particular. These two simple words show audiences’ propensity to boredom and their need and desire to see something new, big and stupid thrown at them every few minutes.

The complicity in this mentality (often grudgingly so in his case, I feel – he could have a serious film in him), has defined much of Stephen Sommer’s oeuvre. This film is no exception. He feels the need to directly vocalise this through one of his characters to keep the audience’s interest up, and remind them why they’re there. The fact that I didn’t even notice how often it was repeated the first time around shows how much stuff was being thrown at the screen.

Taken in this context, this catch-phrase mocks the previous section, indicating that it wasn’t enough to sustain the whole film. And so the film is constantly shifting in tone and the use of familiar tropes to continually re-engage the audience. (One whole sequence of them swimming through a flooded area was lifted straight from The Poseidon Adventure, although sea monsters have been added.)

The problem with this is that each successive film has to be more and more different things at once in order to top the previous one, and we end up with a big ridiculous mash-up of many older, superior films.

I'm looking at you, Van Helsing.

But it doesn’t need to be like that. Ghost Ship, essentially the same movie but with ghosts, managed to stay suspenseful all the way through without tipping its hand and devolving into all-out ridiculous action as Deep Rising

Deep Rising is a fun movie. It’s like a creature feature, done with a decent budget (watch out for dodgy CGI water though), and some good suspense scenes.

I’d put it below The Mummy, but high above The Mummy Returns.

Truman gets his tail-bash to bomb on. His homie wasn’t so lucky.

Time for a brew. Or two. Maybe a bakers dozen.

My site jumped from the normal 150ish hits per day, to about 630 in one day, then to over 2500 hits the day after that! While the numbers are dropping due to no recent updates, it’s still exciting!

I took the pictures of my fiance down the other day to watermark them, which is why they aren’t showing in the previous post. The entire set can be found here. The set was a lot of fun to shoot, and I’m more than happy to see the results.

Fiance Portrait

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. It’s always a crazy time at my house, and this year is already looking to be even crazier than past years have been.

A Brief Insight Into The Male Perspective On Engagements

FX is having a “That 70’s Show” marathon right now, and I’ve forgotten how amusing this show is. They just played the episode where Donna and Eric got engaged, and it’s made me rethink how I did my own proposal- not only that, but how cliched the whole thing is.

For starters, where does it say that there has to be a ring involved? It’s a symbol, yes, but where is it written that it has to be a ring? Why not a necklace, or… a rock? Maybe the guy should try to tattoo his name into the back of her neck, so that way not only does everyone know she’s taken, but they will know his name and can base off of that if he’s a mean motherfucker you wouldn’t want to mess with or not.

I don’t think anyone except for men who’ve been through that really understand the pressures. First off, picking out the ring. It has to be perfect. It has to be exactly what she wants- that’s a lot of pressure. Secondly, asking the parents. It’s a tradition that’s fading out of our culture, but it still shows respect for the girl and her family. When I did it, I was hoping to ask her father alone, but her mother was there as well. It was nice to see her cry, but it added that much more pressure to have her there.

Then, there’s the proposal itself. How are you going to do it? Where are you going to do it? When? What are you going to say? What if something goes wrong? I had it all planned out, and it was going to be great. I was sure she would cry- at the top of a ferris wheel at a county fair at night. Well, during the day we’d gotten food poisoning, it had rained, and when we finally made it to the fair, there was no ferris wheel. So, what now? I winged it in a parking lot at an Applebee’s (we started dating in a parking lot, and our first date was at an Applebee’s). I didn’t give the big speech I’d thought of, and she didn’t cry. But I still at least had enough to work with that it went over well; a lot better than it could’ve.

Holiday Pictures

Anyways, it’s officially the holiday season. Here’s a few random pictures to spread the feeling.

Cat eating Thanksgiving Dinner

2009-11-22, Ashland University Choir Concert

This creature was made from natural materials that we found on a walk around the neighborhood.  From the picture it’s hard to tell, but the creature has a body made of two large leaves, fingers made of leaves and petals, a neck made of a twig and a belly button made from a small green tomato!  We pasted this all onto a large piece of fabric and then drew the background details on with a marker!

Friday night took us to the closing weekend of Heidi Schreck’s Creature and saturday afternoon to opening weekend of Sarah Ruhl’s In The Next Room or the vibrator play. fascinating juxtaposition. Both plays are about women’s awakening, the former spiritual the latter sexual. Both plays are set in gently fantastic imaginings of the past. Both plays are well-written and expertly realized.  Schreck is early-career and Ruhl is more mid-career, she writes with slightly more assurance and a lighter comic touch which is impressive.  CREATURE was a great show that still had the earmarks of downtown, i enjoyed it and am looking forward to seeing Schreck mature as a writer to the point where Ruhl has with vibrator play – her most accessible and commercial show to date.

The critical catchphrase for the vibrator play that comes to mind is “Slyly subversive.” Years of study of sex-positivity and downtown theater have pretty much inured me to overt explorations of sexuality. But Ruhl’s light touch and intelligence bring an entirely new perspective to issues of women’s empowerment and self-discovery. We’ve come a long way since Fefu and Her Friends! My only lingering disappointment is one scene where the african-american nursemaid explains to the seemingly clueless bourgeois white women that the sensation that they feel with their “paroxysms” is something that might be felt between a man and wife. The delivery of carnal, human, earthy truths from a member of the working class – and a woman of color – feels a little but condescending; a little bit more exploitation of the Mammy Myth. But that’s a small criticism for what is overwhelmingly a wonderful play. AndRuhl’s stunning, surreal ending is amazing. Anyway- two big thumbs up for this substantive Broadway fare, a feelgood hit just in time for the holidays.

The review in the New Yorker is here.

The review in the Times is here.

Hey Gang,

For Turkey Day 2009 I figured what better way to celebrate here at The Trash Cinema Collective than with the 1972 Anti-Drug, Pro-Christian, Mutant Killer Turkey film…Blood Freak!

That’s right, hold onto Plymouth Rock and prepare yourself for horrendous audio, unintelligible mumbling, bio-hazardous turkey meat, real life turkey decapitation, bible thumpers in red hot pants, sibling rivalry, turkey poking, mutant sex, cock blockage, a God live ever present narrator, the complimentary use of the term “husky”, real life amputees, lots of screaming, copious blood squirting, and poultry rage!

This episode wouldn’t have been possible without the indispensable help of Team Trash Cinema: Erica Andrus, Justin Falco and Terrius Greene whose performances bring this Thanksgiving Holiday Special to life. Thanks again, gang!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and Stay Trashy!

-The Primal Root

Another happy accident.

I call him Charles.

From Toy Story to Bolt, animation has brought us an array of wonderful characters to cherish and enjoy. This roundup highlights a selection of simply awe inspiring 3D characters.

Stunning 3D Characters

Captain Jack Sparrow

Created using 3DSmax, Zbrush and Photoshop, the attention to detail and expression are fantastic.

Bobby, The Little Octopus

Textured using ZBrush and decorated with Blender, taking 5 days of work. Bobby is a unique and fascinating piece of work.

Harlequin

Hauntingly realistic, Harlequin is truly a spectacular piece of art. At first glance, one might think this was a well lit photo.

Science Doc

Modeled in maya and rendered in Mental Ray, Science is an excellent character, with matching production values.

Goblin Mechanic

Inspired by Max Cant’s soldiers when modeling the furnace on his back he is full of expression and crammed with an array of wonderful details.

Will Smith Caricature

Hilarious and superbly created using Cinema 4D, ZBrush and Photoshop. It has a warmth and charm that make it stand out.

Jelly Spider Friend

Realistic and a little creepy, this is beautifully crafted with amazing colors and textures. The lighting adds to the freakish feel of the piece.

Cloud Tribute

A tribute to the popular Final Fantasy character Cloud, the emotion behind the eyes is extremely powerful.

Beautiful Vanadisa

Created in Daz Studio with a rendering time of over 22 hours, this is a simply breathtaking 3D portrait.

Isabelle

Modeled using a combination of Poser, Vue, Cinema 4D and Photoshop CS, she has a real sense of mystery and magic.

Art Ventura

A wonderful caricature, Art Ventura solves mysterious CG cases. The behind the scenes of its creation is worth viewing.

Ogryn Stare

The artists first project using ZBrush with the entire piece taking over two days. It makes great use of textures.

Rose

A beautiful pose and composition, great use of light and a thoroughly captivating expression make Rose a compelling piece.

Emocionado

A funny and charming piece with great attention to detail on the cloth patterns and the stubble on the chin.

Aztec Priest

Inspired by Mel Gibson’s movie “Apocalypto”, this Aztec Priest is detailed, imaginative and original.

Cyber Goth

Created using a combination of Poser and Photoshop, the design on her scalp and the eye markings really draw the eye.

Samurai Troll

The texture work in the armor plates and skin are amazing given that the artist views this as a work in progress.

Smoking Creature

I don’t what’s more frightening, the hideous character or the amazing amount of realism he possesses.

Kai

This is Kai, Nariko’s dedicated friend (from Heavenly Sword). Created using Poser, Vue and Photoshop.

Shadow Conscious

Absolutely incredible detail, the artist really captured the emptiness in her eyes and created a character deep in thought.

Female Vampire

Inspired by the vampire film 30 Days of Nights, this female vampire looks really realistic and deliciously evil.

Arwen

Created using Cinema 4D, Poser, Vue and Photoshop with an obscene render time, Arwen is a pearlescent beauty.

Fries With That

Fantastic modelling, texturing and shading make this utterly realistic, you will think it’s a photograph. An amazing achievement in 3D realism.

Suspicious Minds

An incredibly striking, beautiful, realistic and moving portrait with an interesting story behind it.

The Worlds Enemy

A superb model of Sephiroth from Final Fantasy with the rendering taking 3 hours and the post production taking 6 hours.

Chris In 3D

An absolutely stunning combination of Poser and Photoshop work. Do yourself a favor and check out this render’s immaculate details.

Cyborg Head 01

The level of detail is nothing short of amazing, enhanced by the textures and lightning that give this 3D render superb qualities.

Ethereal

Artwork based on the W40k universe, it’s an Ethereal from the TAU empire, taking 2 days to complete using Cinema 4D, ZBrush, VRay and Photoshop.

Knight of the Temple

A lone knight of the Temple, standing guard. The chainmail and stone are particularly brilliant in detail and texture.

Grandma

Just awesome detail, amazing textures, superb blending and the befuddling expression on the woman’s face make this a wonderful piece of work.

So.

It’s been a pretty       l   o    n    g      time since I last wrote in this thing and I thought it was about time I put something new. And what’s the newest part of my life I hear you cry? Well, I’ll tell you. I’m continously having nightmares. That’s right, nightmares. And trust me, they aint pretty. And it aint fish bitch. Anyway. Enough of the jokes and wise cracks. Perhaps it’s time to explain?

It doesn’t even happen every night. But when it does, lots and lots seems to get into my head and mess with what has the ability to scare me. One of the newest things, is a small silver creature, that always comes and says to me “i’ll be your happiest of nightmares” and trust me, once you’ve seen that little guy once, YOU DON’T EVER WANNA SEE HIM AGAIN. It’s kind of odd to think that something that I made in my own mind is scaring me that badly. But it’s not even him that’s the problem!

Eh, perhaps people think that I’m a right freak, but to be honest it’s ever so slightly, weird? And to say the least, Abby + Nightmares is a HUGE no no. But there’s nothing I can do!

Got any ideas as to what the hell I can do to stop them? They just keep getting worse and that little guy just keeps coming back.

Enough of this! Sleep is in order.

- Laters,

AbbyArcanine. (:

C’è anche Jumbo Dumbo, un insolito essere con le pinne come le orecchie dell’elefantino della Disney, tra gli strambi animali che popolano i bui abissi dei fondali oceanici dove la luce non penetra e il cibo scarseggia: Jumbo Dumbo è una delle specie scoperte nel censimento degli abissi, in cui sono state riconosciute oltre 17 mila specie viventi, benchè sia un posto così buio e inospitale.

Le foto le trovi qui > http://www.corriere.it/gallery/animali/11-2009/abissi/1/popolo-abissi_20c7ef08-d790-11de-a7cd-00144f02aabc.shtml#1

A condurre il censimento sono stati gli scienziati del Census of Marine Lifeche completeranno il lavoro di scandagliamento delle acque, dalla superficie al fondale, entro fine 2010 per un totale di 210 spedizioni in ogni angolo degli oceani. Il Census of Marine Life, composto da un maxi-team di 344 ricercatori di 34 nazioni diverse, ha censito 17.650 specie viventi al di sotto dei 200 metri dove la luce del sole non filtra più e gli animali sono al buio, 5722 sotto i mille metri.

Jumbo Dumbo e i suoi «amici» con le pinne-orecchie (in tutto sono nove le specie di Dumbo) vivono tra 1000 e 3000 metri di profondità e sono specie di polpi con due pinne laterali. Jumbo Dumbo è lungo qualcosa come due metri e pesa sei chili. Non meno strano è il pesce «coda di ratto» (Coryphaenoides brevibarbis) che vive tra 1700 e 4300 metri di profondità ed è un pesce bizzarro e allungato la cui età si può calcolare contando gli anelli di crescita nelle ossa dell’orecchio (otoliti), come si fa coi tronchi per datare gli alberi.

Un po’ più su, intorno ai 1000 metri, troviamo coralli, cetrioli di mare, stelle, e una varietà incredibile di specie. Fanno notare la loro presenza anche strani vermetti (Lamellibrachia) che si cibano di petrolio in decomposizione e poi pesci che mangiano le carcasse di balene e altri abitanti dei mari. L’elenco è davvero infinito e più si va in profondità più gli animali sono diversificati e strambi, avendo ciascuno adottato una sua personale soluzione alla scarsità di cibo dell’habitat dove sono nati.

Fonte: www.corriere.it

Two of my Avery Binders have been featured in a Christmas Gift Finder lens created by nyxxie.

The featured designs

View all binders here

And many thanks for the featured, nyxxie!! ^_^

Japanese kappa

By Aprill Brandon – VictoriaAdvocate.com

Oh sure, these days, vampires are just downright cuddly, thanks in part to the popularity of the “Twilight” series and other modern vampire tales. Yes, today’s bloodsuckers, with their roguish good looks and vegetarian attitudes, are pansies compared to their predecessors.

All around the world, there is folklore and myths surroundings vampires, each one different, and, in many cases, each one more horrible than the next (don’t even get me started on Japan’s kappa). Forget sparkling skin and an attraction to humans beyond that night’s dinner. Most vampire legends are scary enough to even make Edward and his sexy bed-head coif tremble.

According to an article in the American Chronicle, vampire-like spirits and beings have been recorded ever since mankind has been around. For instance, even the Sumerians, the earliest known civilization in the world, believed in the Akhkharu, a blood-sucking demon. The ancient Chinese wrote about hopping corpses, which would consume people’s chi (or life essence) and the ancient Egyptians had a goddess Sakhmet, who was consumed with, you guessed it, bloodlust.

In Malaysia, their version of the vampire is the penanggalan, a flying woman’s head complete with, no, not a smoking-

Penanggalan

hot body, but rather hanging entrails, according to an article in the online magazine The Traveler’s Notebook. Formerly a beautiful midwife, the penanggalan made a pact with the devil for supernatural abilities, and all she got for her effort was this lousy T-shirt. Oh, and a curse in which she had to detach from her body each night in search of the blood of newborn infants and pregnant women. As an added bonus, the intestines hanging out of the creature also left constant sores on whomever it grasps.

Yikes.

In Brazil, forget about Brad Pitt hanging out in your bedroom waiting to suck you dry. They have the lobishomen, a hairy and squat fellow with a hunched back, jaundiced skin and rotted teeth, according to the magazine article. However, in a M. Night Shyamalan twist, the lobishomen loves to prey on women, who then turn into nymphomaniacs after his bite (I’m sincerely hoping their lust did not include the lobishomen … talk about a walk of shame).

lobishomen

yara-ma-yha-who

In Australia, the indigenous people have a legend of the yara-ma-yha-who, which fed on humans and then … wait for it … regurgitated them, according to mythology writer Wayne Kreger in his article “Vampires Around the World.” Luckily (not), the victim usually survived. However, enough encounters with the creature would eventually slowly turn the victim into a yara-ma-yha-who.

In some of the older Slavic gypsy communities, it was thought that inanimate objects and animals could turn into vampires. So, just think about that the next time you start slicing a watermelon.

Other vampire lore from around the world, according to the Web site www.mythicalrealm.com, include:

Baobhan Sith

Africa has the Obayifo, a tree-dwelling, child-eating vampire.

Bulgaria has the Vapir or Ubour, which rises after 40 days in the grave to feed on blood and … (shudder) … excrement. Apparently it only has one nostril and sleeps with its left eye open.

In China, there is the Chiang-shi, a white or green-haired vampire that drew strength from the moon and could fly.

Russia has the Upyr, a delightful daywalking bloodsucker that loved children … for dinner. Oh, and it also ate those children with its iron teeth.

Those wacky Scottish lads had the Baobhan Sith, also known as the white women of the Scottish highlands. They were ghost-like vampires that could take the shape of beautiful women that invited men to dance with them and then drank their blood, because, you know, sometimes sith happens.

Amazon Specials!

Gossamer has been paranoid that some green creature has been following him around. GJ and I did not believe him… until now. While looking over our NaNoWriMo photos, we found this:

There is some green thing right behind my laptop! (Click the picture for a better look.) We do not know what it is or why it is following Gossamer. Any information about this mysterious green creature will be very much appreciated.

We will continue to figure out what is going on post any new information we find.

Wish us luck.

“Lead me, my eyes are closed.” Helen held out her arm to her sister. Elsa took it. This was their favorite game when they were little. See who keeps her blue-green eyes squeezed shut the longest. But you can’t be too trusting, because the one guiding will try to run you into a tree or over a rock. Especially if the guide is Elsa.

Elsa held her sister’s elbow loosely, gazing around for a good-sized bush to steer towards. But why? What was the point?

“Hey, don’t stop!” Helen’s eyes snapped open, and she stepped on Elsa’s heel. “Sorry.”

“Do you have to stand so close to me?”

“I was just…” Helen trailed off. She didn’t have any excuses. She just wished Elsa would laugh the way she used to. Ever since her boyfriend told her he wanted to be with someone else, she’d turned into this prickly lump of self-pity.

“Let’s go home.” Elsa turned around, but Helen blocked her, stepping on her toes this time. “Oww! Watch it, you bi….”

Helen felt her chest tighten. “You almost called me a bitch, didn’t you?”

Elsa shook her head, denying the obvious.

The tops of the bare trees surrounding the forest path clicked together like giant’s fingernails and the leaves at the sisters’ feet swirled in a light breeze. Helen held her hands to her ears, then nose, as the wind drained some of her warmth.

“I didn’t beg you to come out here just to turn around and go home.” Helen put a hand between her sister’s shoulder blades and pushed. “Come on.”

“We’re going to the Cave, aren’t we?” Elsa said, and Helen nodded.

It was only another quarter mile. The Cave was the place they’d built palaces out of mud as three year olds. The place Helen knew Elsa had gotten her first kiss in eighth grade from a kid named Isaac Green.

Of course, the blind walk hadn’t snapped Elsa out of it, so why would the Cave? Helen had no idea, but a little voice had told her, just as she was waking up this morning, that this was what she had to do for her sister. And she listened to those little voices. Honestly, Helen would have much rather spent the morning dwelling in her own self-pity. Who was Elsa to mope over a lost boyfriend when Helen had never even had a second date with anybody? But she still couldn’t stand to see her sister in such a pathetic state.

The rest of the walk passed in silence. Helen kept walking too close to Elsa, who would speed up or stop completely until she got her preferred distance back.

“That’s it.” Elsa said, stopping at a spot a few yards before Helen thought they should.

“You sure? Wasn’t it over there?”

“No, that’s it!” Elsa scrambled down the slight slope at the edge of the path, and began tossing handfuls of leaves aside. “It’s filled in.”

Helen followed and helped dig out clumps of leaves, trying not to get too much dirt under her fingernails.

“Oh.” Elsa stopped suddenly, and Helen peered into the earth-smelling darkness. A pair of eyes stared back at her.

“Away!” It shouted, and the sisters jumped back, hands clasped together so tight Helen’s fingernails broke the skin. Whatever it was that had taken over their favorite spot, it wasn’t human.

Fozzie

Ninya

Emma

Pucker up for Alien kisses his Holiday Season.  Grab your own Alien at www.adoptanalien.etsy.com

            Chinese Dragon tattoos are seen throughout the world, yet each dragon has its unique differences. Before I go on and talk about the different types of dragons, I’m going to tell you about the Chinese Dragon and what it symbolizes. The Chinese Dragon is the symbol of guardianship, freedom of power, wisdom and empowerment. All these qualities make it different from all other symbols and creatures.

            Young people are more into the Chinese Dragon that is breathing out fire. Some people like getting this dragon because it symbolizes the passion for someone or something. This dragon is the legend image of the Asian culture and it’s also very famous among other Asian countries such as Japan, China, and Korea. But there a few differences among them that make them different from each other.

            Japan, China, and Korea are the main cultures that share the dragon but with a slight difference. For example, the Japanese dragons traditionally have five claws. Also in the Chinese culture the five-claw dragon is reserved for the emperor and the imperial families. The Chinese dragon is reserved for the emperor and the imperial families because it symbolizes power. Finally, in some cultures like Japanese or Korean, they think the dragon with the five claws symbolizes pure evil or sinfulness.

Take off in a magical atmosphere of underwater adventures with a brave and kind turtle, Ozzy. During and innocent game of catch, Ozzy accidentally smacks into a slab of ice, cracking it open and releasing a mysterious creature. Intrigued, he unknowingly sets off on the journey of a lifetime. Help Ozzy traverse the mission map and find out just what he set free in Turtle Odyssey 2!

50 levels.

6 different worlds.

17 enemies.

System Requirements:

OS: Windows 2000/XP/VISTA

CPU: 600MHz or faster Processor

RAM: 128 MB

It Takes Just A second To Say Thanks,

It Takes Longer To The Work On This.

Turtle Odyssey 2

Christmas is coming fast and furious… you don’t want to be left out of the newest Alien Stocking Topper Craze.  Now is the time to get the Alien you want for that special someone in your life.  Just think about those cute little Alien eyes  peeking out of those adorable stockings on Christmas morning.  You can nab your alien at www.adoptanalien.etsy.com 

A friend of mine Jamie want to get a tat and he wants me to draw something for him, the thing is I never done any tattoo stuff before. Well Jamie loves skulls and he is into fishing, so here is a sketch of what I have so far, got my inspiration from Davy Jones the villain in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. (click on the images for full size)

So what do you guys think? let me know of any idea you have and please feel free to comment. 

We’re happy to introduce the first item in our plush creature series! After a little sketch book planning, we’re happy to say we have a few cool items coming up. The first we have to show is Ms. Molly Maroon Monster. Hand stitching fabric was a lot of fun, and we’re looking forward to combining this technique with some of our other crocheted amigurumi styles we’ve done in the past. Molly is hand stitched faux fur/felt, stuffed with foam stuffing, durable, playable, fun. Enjoy!

Ms. Molly Maroon Monster

Ms. Molly Maroon Monster

Ms. Molly Maroon Monster

Okay, it seems I am on some sort of “anti-Santa” kick, but really I am not. Also, this was in no way inspired by the Grinch. I actually drew it after watching “The Mist”, no connection there either. It started as a sketch, a sketch that I didn’t even like, but I am getting too old to keep throwing stuff away. So, instead , I have decided to see where they go if I don’t give up on them.