Ever since I was young, I just  wanted to have a bohemian look BUT because my parents were not exactly big supporters of “freedom of speech through fashion,” I had to walk this fine line of wanting to be a chameleon and accept the household rules.

I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up but I knew that if I didn’t have to worry about money, I’d choose to be walking barefoot on a beach, hair all over my head with a guitar on my back and tattoos everywhere. What child thinks that way? Note, I may need to discuss this with someone.

In college, I could have shed the restrictions but then I became bound to acceptable standards of appearance in the work place and being the “safe” black woman who I am, I conformed. This is one reason that my hair journey is so personal to me; I am at point where FINALLY, I can begin to express myself. It’s not a fashion statement, I am not embracing a trend nor am I making a statement for black beauty. It’s a personal choice.

Anywho…I have been really pleased with my hair the past few weeks. I don’t know what I’m doing differently but I lately I have been much happier with the end results.

On Monday, someone said to me, “Every time I see you, you look different.” I took this as a compliment because the one thing that has been consistent in all phases of my life is that I love creating subtle changes in my appearance with the help of accessories. For instance, I have four pairs of glasses and anticipate purchasing another prescription in the next few months. Something as simple as the shape of the frame and the color are enough to make me feel “different”. Now, I’m having fun using my hair as an accessory too.

(I promise you that I did laundry and I am not wearing the same thing in both pictures.)

The looks:
Last week: I was lazy, I did a half-ass braid out before bed and in the morning I looked as if I electrocuted myself. I didn’t want to do a wash and go so, I had to be resourceful.Knowing that my hair responds like magic to shea butter, I grabbed my Cantu Shea Hair lotion, sectioned off my hair (about 8 sections), applied a small dollop of lotion to each section from root to tip and then let it do its magic. I put on a skinny elastic headband and let the curls fall; I had the look of a wash and go, without the actual wash and go, and my hair curled and afro’d up. All-in-all, twenty minutes of work and I received a ton of compliments.

This week: I had absolutely no idea that it was going to be rainy and humid first thing in the morning. Even though I twisted my hair before bed by the time I was ready to head to work, I looked like Cousin It. So, with a few minutes to spare before being critically late, I quickly spot-twisted a few sections (resulting in 10-12 twists) threw on a fashionable scarf not to scare the mini-me’s friends as I dropped him off at school and headed out. Arriving at work, I parked, removed the scarf, took out the twists and did a quick fluff. (Yes, I did my hair in the parking lot and I am slightly ashamed.) All-in-all, with two attempts at styling, 30 minutes of work (maybe less) and I looked presentable without applying product, just good ol’ humidity.

As I sorted through a bag of trial size hair care products, I realized that embracing my natural hair is a path of discovery, patience, and acceptance. I’ve come across a TON of products designed to care for natural hair and I am still trying to find the formula that works best for my hair and my lifestyle. The latter having more influence on the type of products that I try.

I’ve never been overly obsessed with my hair and never went to a stylist for the latest hair trend. Until now, the most adventurous I had ever been was a really short “Nia Long/Halle Berry” cut my Senior year in high school. Honestly, I felt very boyish and very self-conscious about that style. At 18, I was not confident or happy enough with myself to wear that style; I couldn’t hide behind my glasses and hair. Now, many years later, I realize I am NOT my hair and being the “cool kid” doesn’t pay my car note or my mortgage.

This journey is teaching me a few lessons…

Discovery

In addition to learning how to work with two very obvious and different natural textures, one very curly texture in the nape and back sections of my hair and a thinner less coarse curly area at the front of my head, I’m learning what products and routines work best.

I am a huge fan of braid outs; it camouflages the two textures and I love the curls that result. I’ve tried braid outs with multiple small braids, as well as,  fewer large braids and made note of how my hair responds.  In addition, I’ve tried various “refresh” options and finally resulted in using “Curl Refresher” during the week. At first, I did not like the residue that was left on my hands after the first application, it was very filmy and gel-like. My hair felt dry and I didn’t notice any “refresh” to my curls. I didn’t want to immediately discount the product and tried it again after my hair had gotten a little damp in the shower. The next day…Awesomeness! (I was using a spray bottle to mist the hair during the first application.)

Curl Refresher now ranks slightly above Shea Moisture’s Curl Enhancing Smoothie as it pertains to  results.

However, Shea Moisture’s Curl Enhancing Smoothie smells so good I can’t stop using it.

When I first purchased One n’ Only Argan Oil, I was told, “A little dab will do ya.” In applying the oil to my relaxed hair that was not the case. The small 6oz container cost entirely too much to continue to use and not see any difference in my hair. Now, fast forward a year, this oil smells and moisturizes like no other. It may not be “natural hair approved” but it works well with my hair and I like the results. My routine is using “a little dab” once or twice a week and my hair responds quite well to the added moisture. I’m learning that first use may not dictate how well the product works for my hair, I’m learning that there are an abundance of factors that contribute to the final product/hair style.

Patience

I am also guilty of wanting to revert to “safe” hair looks which often mean I want to add some heat and flat-iron my hair straight. I’ve got to move beyond thinking that straight is pretty and curls need to be tamed. It is a serious battle, do I flat-iron or do I work with my texture? To prevent temptation, I threw out my flat-iron and hair curlers…Please God, don’t let me regret that!

For the longest time, I thought that I had a hard coarse grade of hair, the kind that needs a flat-iron and a hot comb just to pull into a ponytail. I often looked at my mother’s texture, my sister’s hair texture, my father’s hair texture, and even the mini-me and wondered, “They don’t have ‘naps’ so why do I?” The most shocking revelation thus far is that my hair is much softer and slightly curlier than I remember, still thick though. I expected to have thick, hard to manage, very coarse hair. However, with this new revelation, I absolutely cannot wait until I have more length!!!

As I try new products and have patience until I can reach a length that will allow me to try a lot of styles, I have to realize that this is a lengthy process. I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and have hair like Tracee Ellis Ross or Cree Summers. I refuse to add weave or braids to my hair, that doesn’t suit my personality, and I have seen far too many friends with gorgeous natural curls to realize that if I can endure this process then the result will be worth it. It also doesn’t hurt to have a reward to work towards…the tattoo I will get once I’ve reached the two-year mark.

i love her!!!

Trying to find new products can be a test in patience alone. Fortunately, I have support friends with all hair types, one of whom grabbed a box full of natural hair products from an event her company was hosting. Since she’s not going through the natural process, she quickly let me know she had scored some product samples for me. In doing so, I’ve been introduced to a few products that I haven’t found in the store and/or didn’t think about trying.

Acceptance

My current hair inspiration

I had to remind myself, “I will love my natural hair, regardless of the way the style turns out.”

Recently, I wanted to have really gorgeous curls hair for an event that I was attending. I knew there would be some serious “divas” in attendance and the last thing I wanted was to look like a Chia pet.

I mimicked a routine from a few days earlier, using Shea’s Curl Enhancing Smoothie and my favorite leave in conditioner, with the hope that I could recreate the bounce and curls.I even used rods to curl the ends and a little application of oil at the tips.

However, the next day the curls were far from what I had envisioned. Instead of bouncy and shiny, the curls were dull and flat. Instead of the humid weather being my friend and adding volume, it may my hair flat and shapeless. That’s when I realized that I can’t control how my hair will look from one day to the next. If I have done my best to make it “purty” then I have to accept the result and I’m going to rock it. It also helps that the boyfriend doesn’t care what I do to my hair as long as it doesn’t remotely come close to looking like Amber Rose, blond and bald.

…my hair goal…i’m sure this is 5 years of having patience. at least.

Although I am focusing on my hair journey, this entire approach is a holistic one. I have about 4 months and 24 days until my 32nd birthday and if God grants me the ability to be here to celebrate it, I want to welcome it in with confidence, happiness, and completely satisfied with the person I am. Natural hair and all…

 *I have to write in AP style for work and that requires that a comma not be used before the “and” in a list. That rule annoys me but to get in the practice of doing so and not having it be pointed out during reviews of my writing, I have to make it common practice.