Challenges of cross cultural marriages, and divorces

‘Globalization’ as a term is often used in connection with topics many of us consider either too complicated or way above our heads.  But globalization has another face, raising questions we all can relate too, although we are not always well prepared to discuss them:

• Is it OK to build a Muslim mosque in my Christian neighborhood?
• Can kids in our school wear hijab or other religious expressions?

And are we prepared to accept a discussion about our own use of Norwegian ‘bunad’ (traditional costume) in a foreign setting?

In today’s society, it is getting more and more common with mixed marriages across cultures.  Marriage is a challenging exercise in the best of circumstances, and a mixed one often has the additional dimension of different cultural background.  These differences seems to polarize in the case of a divorce.

Kids are torn between a mum and dad that in some cases decide to live worlds apart.  These kids are basically unprotected from international legislation and common practice, as we have yet to build the necessary super-national structures needed.

As a consequence, we get stories like the Kalid Skah case that is presently running in the news.  Allegations about kidnapping, diplomatic misunderstanding between the countries of Norway and Morocco, etc.  We have experienced the class of cultures on both individual, institutional and national level.

Moroccos Minister of Foregin Affairs expressing his disagreement with the perceived actions of the Norwegian Embassy in Morocco.

We need to get started a process of making The Constitution of The World!

Anders, from a snow covered Gjøvik, Norway.   Copyright 2010 Anders Haug Thomassen.  The use of this material is not only encouraged, but highly appreciated as long as the source is mentioned.

Follow my other blog:  Globalization4U

Going home from the airport

I was on my way home from the airport the other day. On the train platform I noticed a Somalian woman in a hijab with a huge amount of luggage and four  boys of different ages playing around her with toy guns. I noticed that she looked very tired and she was probably exhausted from her journey. Our eyes briefly met and I could tell that she seemed confused like someone in need of directions. So I asked her if she needed any help and after a while I found out that she didn’t know how to get to Århus from where we were. I said that I was going to the main station and that I would be happy to help her to her connecting train that would leave from there.

I could tell that a sense of caution and doubt created a space between us so when my train came, I asked the Danish female train officer to please tell the Somalian woman that her connecting train would be leaving from the main station. I told her that the Somalian woman  was probably reluctant to travel with an unknown male and that she, as a train officer might be able to persuade her since she was both in uniform and a women. Then the train officer just looked at me and glanced back at the Somalian woman and said: ”She is Danish like the rest of us – she can just learn how to read the timetables like everyone else!”

I was shocked at the almost aggressive lack of sensitivity coming from her. I went back and told the Somalian woman that the train officer had confirmed that the train would take her to her connecting train – but when she was still declining to go I left on the next train and the situation ended unresolved.

The absurdity of the whole situation somehow reminded me of this drawing:



I felt like we were the fish and the monkey trying to convince the teacher that we climbed trees i. e. read the timetables in different ways and that one of us required a little support in doing just that!

In the context of animals it seems completely ridiculous to ask animals to do something they are clearly unfit to do. However, as soon as we start relating to fellow human beings and differences in culture, it suddenly becomes fuzzy and difficult to be empathetic. On the surface, we are all people but the way we relate to equally challenging problems is different. Our way of managing our existence as humans relates to the cultural upbringing we receive. In a certain sense that makes us all similar yet so different.  Edward T Hall described the paradox of cross-cultural sensitivity in his amazing book, ”The Silent Language” this way:

”Culture hides more than it reveals, and strangely enough what it hides, it hides most effectively from its own participants”

Hall examines the problem of becoming aware of the differences that are not readily visible for an outsider. However, the biggest challenge according to Hall is not to understand the foreign culture as much as learning to understand the impact of one’s own cultural preference patterns.

The invisible aspects of a culture or someone’s cultural identity is often described through an iceberg model that proposes that all the properties of any given culture only reveal a tiny part of its totality and that most of it is hidden away.

This is the primary reason why most people tend to be more aware of differences when they are most apparent but tend to overlook the hidden differences and especially those within themselves.

The way forward

The big mistake in all this is to assume that as long as everyone gets the same treatment, everyone will naturally coexist and work together without any problems.

The biggest problem then, is that the members of the majority in any culture will fail to see the problem. They really believe that everyone is being treated fairly when everyone is treated exactly the same. Nonetheless, the minority is not a minority for fun but because this particular group of people define themselves by having a different set of values – a different perspective of the world as they see it. This is the reason why any minority group will never see the world in the same way as the majority does. As a member of the majority of Danes, the ticket officer on the train failed to ask herself one simple thing:  “How can I help passengers with a different background who appear to have different needs?”

To me, this situation demonstrates clearly, that people who have a different cultural background than the majority also have different needs when compared to the majority.  And in order to be supportive and perhaps even service minded – it requires attention, recognition and action.

Building awareness

Without an initial awareness of being a part of a cultural group, any attempt to try to understand or be understood will be futile. Therefore the first step is to build self-awareness and thereby branch out to understanding that just as I belong, interpret and act within a highly complex cultural reality – everyone is equally complex and sophisticated in this kind of social conditioning.

The so-called equal treatment for all is never really ever the same as ’fair treatment’ for all. Why? Because the majority is always privileged in any society. Treating everyone the same way is the same as giving everyone the same shoes because it fits the majority.  Naturally, this way of thinking is completely blind to the differences that make a significant and important difference when dealing with other cultures and intercultural communication.

The Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity (aka the DMIS model) as presented by Dr Milton Bennett works with different stages of cross-cultural competence ranging from a worldview that is completely evasive/ignorant towards cultural differences to a highly sophisticated view of cultural differences that is incorporating behavioral changes when relating to specific cultural differences.

The DMIS model looks like this:

I will refrain from going into a detailed explanation of the stages of this model. However, it basically describes different stages of intercultural sensitivity in relation to how a person is able to distinguish and experience cultural differences.

The behavior of the train officer would likely fall into the category of Denial because her reaction to my question displayed an almost aggressive ignorance and blindness to the cultural difference at hand.

The challenge

Treating people fairly means treating them differently. Milton Bennett describes this difficult task when he talks about ’the golden rule’ that, in Western philosophy, has been mainly ascribed to Kant’s moral imperative.  The challenge is to understand that different perspectives require an understanding of what makes that person’s needs different from my needs. In short, it requires empathy. In practical terms, it means that when I need to communicate and act in a cross-cultural situation, I have to be curious, open and knowledgeable about the other culture. This way I am able to show empathy and thereby become able to treat people how they themselves would like to be treated and not how I would like to be treated – had it been me.

Nonetheless, cross-cultural communication often requires more than we are able to give. Especially in dealing with a cultural system that operates according to a clear division between males and females. When trying to help the Somalian woman, my presence as a man created a significant barrier for our communication – one that couldn’t be helped – no matter how ever helpful I would try to be. The situation required an understanding of the context, a recognition and acceptance of what she was willing to accept from me and then to act accordingly.

Different worldviews pose a real challenge for diverse organizations as well as societies in general.   As our societies and organizations become increasingly diverse, the bigger will the need be for a strategically sound and culturally sensitive approach. Hall focuses on the invisible culture within ourselves. To him the only way to become aware of ourselves is to invite the cultural differences in our midst and that way expose ourselves to contrasts and cultural differences and then hopefully learn how to “become more complete”*.

Feel free to browse through our website www.ponticonsult.dk for more information on how we might be able to help your organization. I can also be contacted through my email address: esben@ponticonsult.dk

*Please visit the About Me page for a reference on the following quote: “difference is not something we need to resolve; it is something we need to seek, so that through astonishment we may stay on the move between different worlds, and in that way become more complete”

Sources:

Edward T. Hall: The Silent Language

Milton Bennett: Basic Concepts of Intercultural Communication: Selected Readings

If anyone knows who made the drawing – please let me know

Language fascinates me. It has done since I was a child. I’m intrigued by the way we name things and why we use the words we do. I’m curious about what makes a polyglot decide to use one language for one phrase and another for another (when either will be understood). Is it habit? Does one language provide a better phrasing of the concept at stake than the other?

In Botswana almost everyone I’ve spoken to can get by in English (although it may be a limited conversation). Unsurprisingly, the vast majority of the population also speak Setswana. Conversations are often held in Setswana but with chunks of English thrown in. Even the dialogue in soaps flits between languages, apparently at random (and frequently mid-sentence). I would love to see the scripts – to see if the splits are marked that way.

One of the things I find most fascinating about language is how it shapes our thoughts. Concepts are expressed in language, and so are limited by it. Every now and then artists come along and try to phrase concepts in art or music, but we invariably require them to “explain what it means” using language.

I’ve often wondered how much about concept is lost when translating from one language to another. I learnt recently what “Dumela” actually means. It’s what you say when you greet someone, so all the phrase books have it as “Hello/Good day.” It actually means “Believe.” When you greet someone with “Dumela” what you’re saying is, “You can believe in me – I mean you no harm.”

Knowing that puts a very different understanding on the requirement to greet everyone you meet. You’re not just saying hi, you’re also reassuring people as you move close to them that you have no intention of harming them. Knowing that makes it’s easier to understand why people might be upset if you don’t say it. Now that I understand the concept behind what I’m saying, I feel much less self-conscious saying it.

Of course, what this speaks to within the psyche and history of the Batswana is also interesting. I start official lessons today, so I hope I’ll learn more about the concepts behind the language of the Batswana and in turn gain a greater understanding of the people themselves.

Until then, sala sentle!*

*which actually means “stay well,” even though it’s used to say goodbye.

Working in a new market different from where you come from can be tiring.  You have your own set of expectations for work, for the ways things should be done. There are some certain standard and experience you hold as a benchmark. You get frustrated because things don’t seem to be right. You push hard.  You scream from the top of your lungs. You pour your negative energy to people around you. You keep pushing, pushing and pushing until you feel that you are running out of your energy. You go back home thinking what you are there for. Things just don’t move the way it should be moving. Going back again with anger you still keep pushing into what you expect. And then you come back and ask yourself, whether you have too high the expectation.

Should you lower down your expectation and let things flow the way it is, then enjoy life? It is not bad taking the job in a more relaxing place as a holiday and then enjoys it. Why push while things don’t move anyway? Or otherwise if you push too much things may fall apart.

You are expecting things to happen the way you want.  You hit the ball to another side and you expect someone to hit it back. When it doesn’t bounce back, you blame on the other side that they cannot hit the ball. Have you ever taken a look back and then study closely how wide the gap of experience and culture you and your opponent is?  Maybe you have to start to expect yourself to work a bit harder to hit the ball right into their racket. When they got it right, you start to make them move around a bit further. Think of them as your student and you are training them up. They are not your opponents. Higher expect yourself to perform better not expecting them to perform better.

I’m in the middle of a two-part vacation, and thought I’d share my experiences with you.

One of the things I advocate after you relocate, especially if you’re feeling depressed, or homesick, is to take care of yourself in a meaningful way. I treated myself to a partially silent meditation retreat at Kadampa Buddhist center the past few days, and it was phenomenal!

I didn’t know anything about Buddhism prior to this retreat, nor had I ever done a silent retreat, so everything was brand new. I spent several days at a retreat house “in the middle of nowhere” sharing a house with other retreaters, and Buddhist nuns and monks.  I did a combination of personal meditations, and a few shared ones, and dined on home-cooked, delicious vegetarian meals which somehow filled me up after only a few delicious bites. I enjoyed the time meeting new friends, and also amused at how some of the nuns and monks enjoyed hot sauce so their food. I nicknamed one of the monks “macho monk” as his name was especially difficult to remember! 

My experience in this wonderful community was somewhat like a cross-cultural experience, too. I met people from many different countries. I spent time getting to know monks and nuns and how they live their daily lives, what they believe in, what they wear, who they were before becoming ordained, learning about their values, etc.

Here are a few other  things I learned:

1. spending time in silence is not as scary or as difficult as it may sound. In fact, it was one of the most beneficial experiences I’ve ever had.
2. you do not have to shave your head or convert to a new religion to go on a retreat!
3. we think a lot about the junk food we eat and fill our bodies with, but we are often blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to what we fill our mind with.
4. you can learn a lot about yourself when you take the time to reflect, commit to leave your computer behind, go someplace where there is no cell phone service, and no noise!
5. worrying about problems serves no purpose – if a problem can be fixed, there’s no need to worry.  If it’s not fixable, then worrying won’t help. (This was a quote in my room, though the author was not mentioned, but I thought it was superb!)
6. watching snowflakes fall, I likened them to “the path of least resistance”. I never noticed before how when the wind is gentle, they all blow about on different paths, turning without hesitation when the wind changes direction, and each ending up in its own unique end.  It’s like they comfortably drift along, enjoying the ride, knowing they will reach their destination. (And if only I could achieve that ease one day!)

Our teacher, called Gen Samten, made a wonderful comparison of a vacation and a meditation retreat.  He said, when you go on vacation, you always get “PVDS” – Post-Vacation-Depression-Syndrome(!) but returning from a retreat, you come back with more insight.

Another quote I came across in a book by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso that I loved is this, “…we are just as likely to develop the qualities that really matter – such as wisdom, patience, and compassion – through our failures as through our successes.”

I wanted to share a bit of my experience (trying not to babble on or bore you!) to make the point that time away from all your perceived problems is an excellent way to focus inward, to find out what you really desire, what you really need, and it helps you return home with some changed perceptions that may help you improve whatever is most driving you crazy or making you angry. Perhaps Buddhism is not for you, or perhaps you don’t have a retreat facility nearby (by the way, this type of retreat is EXTREMELY inexpensive) or you don’t like the idea of sharing a bathroom, but if you have your own way to spend a few days “unplugged” in an unfamiliar environment, I highly recommed it.

Stay tuned for Part Two of my experience – “a hike from hell” that taught me some valuable lessons!

* Want more ideas on finding activities and taking care of yourself? Check out The Personal Success Method! *

Merry Christmas everyone! It’s been a balmy 26°C (79°F) Christmas here in Singapore, kinda weird after four years of Vermont winters, but hey, I ain’t complainin’.

After about a month of not going out of the house at night for my 3 in the morning strolls around the neighborhood, I’ve gotten into the habit of doing them again. As all of you probably know, I love staying up at night, and I love walking around in urban areas, and so it’s kind of sad that I haven’t been indulging in my favorite pastime for so long. And the best thing about this time of the year is that coffee and breakfast-oriented shops in the central area all tend to open twenty-four hours. This means the streets are less deserted and spooky, and every now and then I can just pop into a shop for a wifi+caffeine fix!

It’s kind of ironic though, that Singapore takes on more of a “city that never sleeps” vibe during Christmas season, because this is probably the only time of the year that the average Singaporean can get any decent amount of sleep. Let me explain.

Singaporeans are expected to work A LOT. It’s the same situation across every strata of society.

Even this morning, on the 25th of December, I woke up to the sounds of construction work going on in all the the new condominium projects near my house. There’s no weekends or public holidays or fat old bearded men bearing gifts for them. It’s all just work work work. The poor Bangladeshi immigrant construction workers, the very bottom wrung of Singapore society. It seems like they live an entirely separate existence from the rest of society.

One thing about Singapore is its peculiar economic/political/geographic situation. As one of the few places in the region which has developed to first world standards, it seems like there’s this vast hinterland of resources that can be called upon at will by the powers that be that run this country to fulfill whatever grandiose plan they have envisioned for their little city-state. Need to build a world class casino? No problem, just get a couple of hundred thousand more Bangladeshis. But what happens when there’s about a million more people on the island than anybody in the right mind could imagine? Orchard road on Christmas Eve is a gridlock of human bodies, the trains during rush hour are soon going to be like Japanese subways. Well, we’ll just build another subway, and more shopping districts. How do we do that? More Bangladeshis (and Thais, Mainland Chinese, Indonesians, Indians, Burmese and what have you), of course. All the while, the massive government spending spurs magical Keynesian multipliers, making the economy buzz along at a comforting 5% annual growth rate.

My point though, is not that this place is overcrowding (although that’s true), or that the Singaporean government often acts detached and unconcerned (although that’s also true). Its the fact that this city which is a country onto itself, this weird artifact of colonial history, is an odd arrangement of politics. See, in China, Brazil, India, the US or wherever else, there’s also a big problem of rural to urban migration. Cities are so big now, that often they are governed as separate political entities, on the same stature as states or provinces. However, most of the migration to the cities in these other countries come from the within their own countries. The migrants are their citizens, and possess the same political rights as urban people. In this country, that is definitely not the case. The migrants are foreigners, most of whom are overjoyed at getting a chance to leave their bleak, flooding, poverty ridden third world villages and slums to come to this city that is a little piece of the developed world amidst a sea of poor countries. When they do come, they are discriminated, not only as part of the culture of racial, socioeconomic, linguistic, religious divisions that is very prevalent here, but also as officially ordained by government policy. And after all, how would you expect it to be any other way? After all, these are foreign nationals, and the Singaporean government really has little to no interest in their general welfare. After all, do these people not have governments in their own countries who are supposed to watch out for their well being? Well…. no, not exactly. Welcome to the third world.

Also, these migrant workers only come here temporarily. Imagine, the average Chinese villager who goes to find a better life in a coastal city like Guangdong or Shanghai only goes there so that she can make enough money, to afford to come back to her village as a rich woman, be able to afford a house, a TV, washing machine and the works, and rise up the village social ladder. This is what a Chinese citizen, traveling to a Chinese city, where people speak the same language as she does (+/- some dialects), where everybody looks like her, aspires for in her temporary migration to the city. Now imagine someone in a similar situation coming to Singapore, a different country, where no one speaks your mother tongue, and most of the people will look down at you for petty race and cultural differences, and where life is so unrecognizably different from home. Why on earth would the migrant want to stay in Singapore for even a day longer than she absolutely needs to? This is not the kind of migration that took place when Europeans came to America, leaving home completely to search for a brand new life.

So, that is my point (not particularly well made). Singapore is a peculiar place, and exists in this weird amalgamation of barely holding together, yet being meticulously planned and structured and thought out. The moment you step into the airport, you’d think you’ve finally found a group of people who’s read Plato’s Republic as an instruction manual and executed it to perfection with an anal retentive kiasu attitude. The moment you step out of the airport and into a taxi, the uncle will tell you a different story, a much more complicated one.

So that was about the people who come here temporarily, usually from a poverty ridden life in a neighboring country. How about the rest of the people here, the ones who come here with more in mind than simply dreaming of becoming the first person in the village to afford a TV? Or the locals, the people born and bred here?

Higher up the socio-economic food chain, in the skyscraper office buildings, if you just look at working hours, there’s not much of a difference either. For most people I know, regular office hours end at 6PM, but very often they are expected to stay until 11 or midnight, with no overtime, and they’re also expected to come in on Saturdays. I’ll write about them in a separate post though. This one has become too long.

I’m so lucky to have spent a significant amount of my life in this city/island/nation but having never had to be part of the core system that keeps this place going. I’ve always just been an observer. *empties bottles of pepper into his plate of food *

Oh, I want to let everyone know that today I pretended to be an American. Yes, that’s right after 4 months of pretending, to the best of my abilities, to be Japanese, I broke down and indulged in my natural-born tendencies to bring American culture wherever one goes. Today, I went to McDonalds. While I had vowed, at the onset of my journey, never to darken the doorstep of the golden arches, Rebecca and I ventured into America’s favorite fast food chain to taste their wares, purely for empirical studies. We both ordered quarter pounders with cheese (if you’ve chatted with me anytime in the past few months you know my cravings for meat and cheese are overwhelming and have not been sufficiently quenched) with diet cokes (if you say one word about carcinogens I’ll club you to death and soak you in diet coke– it’s less sweet than regular coke and I find the taste quite appealing). The entire meal was 590 yen each (about $6)– not bad. When they handed us our tray, both of us were astounded at the size of the fries– we are in Japan, after all, two large and loud Americans in an extremely space conscious society– the fries were the size of MEDIUM fries in America. I’ve never seen so many fries in front of me in this nation. And, dear lord, they were delicious. The quarter pounder is celebrating it’s first anniversary in Japan so there were posters all over the place and we opted for the celebrated burger over something more “Japanese” like the McPork or the Teriyaki Burger. The quarter pounder had double the cheese of an American QP and the meat had more pepper. The first bite sent chills down my spine as I re-lived years scarfing down cheeseburgers in the States. I greedily alternated between perfectly cooked fries and my burger dripping in cheese and katsup gobbling quick to prevent my food from cooling. I was back in America and loving it. There were two things that reminded me I was still in Japan: 1. the drink I received was drastically reduced in size (their drinks are all tiny here… I don’t know I haven’t seen Japanese people dropping on the streets from dehydration. At the same time, they do drink frequently and eat liquidy foods — lots of tea, soup, and one vending machine per every 23 people). 2. the trash can which was in my peripheral vision as I scarfed was more complicated than my washing machine with a place for liquids to be deposited, and specifics bins for each possible variation in recycling and disposal. After our deliciously American meal, Becca and I walked to the cinema to check on the times To-Wi-i-Li-i-To was showing. American christmas music was playing over the loudspeaker, as we checked the times. It happened to be the first of the month (60 days until someone turns 21…the official countdown has begun) which means a discount on tickets! Japan takes their cinemas very seriously which can been seen in the outrageous price of watching a film (although, America is catching up quickly). Without discount of any sort, a movie ticket is 2000 yen ($20, okay more like $22 since the dollar is dropping drastically as I type). But the theatre offers various ways to lower that price. For instance, the usual discounts, for students (1800 yen), children (1500 yen), elderly (1500 yen) ect… but there are also others: every Wednesday is ladies day (1000 yen), their are couple’s days and elderly couples days once a month (1000 yen each) and the first of every month (1000 yen). Plus, and this is a real puzzler, the late show (usually starting around 10PM) is cheaper than the early after noon shows.  So we arrived 20 minutes prior to the next showing of Twilight and perused the stand in the lobby which sells movie memorabilia. After waiting for 15 minutes or so in the lobby, contemplating jazz, I hear our show called over the loud speaker indicating that we can go into the theatre. You are called and then you enter within a 15 minute time span– once the previews have started you’re not allowed to go in. Also seats are assigned; when you pay for your ticket you also choose your seats on a seating chart. I always sit in the middle middle (so the actors look right into my eyes… that’s not really the reason, I think being in the middle allows for enjoying the full screen without a bias to the left or right) and am able to pick the perfect middle middle seats. There are “couple’s seats” on the sides which are red instead of black and do not have a troublesome middle armrest which so many teens and tweens on dates curse as they try to navigate the blockade between eager blossoming bodies. There are luxury chairs which resemble Laz-y-boys more than theatre seats and offer the option of semi-reclining bliss. Then there are the regular seats which offer extraordinary leg room and a coat hanger on the seat in front of you.

As we filled into the theatre and found our seats, Becca casually mentioned that she hoped the movie was in English. A wave of panic grabbed at my frontal lobe as I considered the probability that it would be dubbed in Japanese and my options when confronted with Japanese vampires and wolverines. My Japanese is coming along, I can stumble along in a conversation with classmates peppering my Japanese with high-pitched cries of “so desu ne,” “kawaii,” and “sugoi” and American words pronounced with Japanese flair. I can manage to follow along in my Japanese lecture classes by using the pictures in power points and occasionally prodding  Becca for a translation. I can even manage to watch some Japanese dramas as they use many of the same phrases in their dialogue. But, I couldn’t possible follow along in a movie which has colorful words and phrases like “vampire,” “damnation,” “pale-faced,” and “You’re my only  reason for being alive, if that’s what you call this.” Also, I’ve never read those books; I grew up reading Harry Potter and feel that Twilight is for the new generation, not mine, so even if watching it in English I would have questions as to what the hell was going on. My plan, if the feature was in Japanese, was vacillating between sneaking into another show or taking a nap. I watched the previews (which are quite frequently my favorite part of theatre going) uneasily weighing my options. On a side note (since I never do side notes ^.~), Up or Uncle Carl’s Flying House, as it’s titled in Japan, is opening soon in 3-D which would be neat to see. For anyone who hasn’t seen Up, please go see it. It’s lovely and IMDB named it one of the top 15 movies of the new millennium.  Why is there this trend in animation that’s not just for children and has deep existential themes? Dunno, but I’m enjoying it. Back to the main story, I watched the previews reminiscing over my years spent in dark theatres. I have been raised by the cinema, literally. Because of that, I think I live in the realm of the unreal. But when the movie’s reel started running through the projector and I heard the first words in English my heart was light.

I won’t bore you with the details of the actual movie. My mother made me watch the first one over the summer; she has this obsession with fluffy, romantic-comedy, supernatural, or Austin-esque movies (not films, note) which I occasionally join her in viewing. Her netflix account is riddled with cheese while I like to keep my well-groomed with pretentious and obscure foreign films from the 1960’s. So watching New Moon (part two of the twilight “saga”) was comforting like getting a warm hug from my mother even if it did include overly dramatic moody emo vampires with hairy chests, way too creamy buff sweet talking werewolves, and a dumb-ass Juliet of the 2k9.

Seriously, some of the dialogue made me chortle but I do wonder how this is affecting the youth. I know for a fact that my obsession with the realm of fantasy and fiction has done strange things to my loosening grasp on reality. I grew up ensconced in a celluloid world and one filled with elves, deamons, ninjas, moon princesses, and supernatural powers. I was terrified of walking down hallways alone as I was sure some evil being (generally a ninja… maybe that stems from my power ranger’s addiction at an early age) would attack me. I grew up knowing I would transform into some sort of magical being when I turned 14. After puberty came and went, I went into a depression upon realizing that magic just did not exist in the world. I blame most of my teenage angst not on hormones (although they certainly did nothing to help) but on my fascination with the other worldly. What will happen to a generation of tweens who find solace in the forbidden romance of a fictional being? Twilight seems to have been tailored to fit that demographic of obese, social-misfits in the tween range… it’s really a Romeo & Juliet of modern times but perhaps with more social repercussions in this declension narrative of youth. Young girls certainly have a rough period of adjustment as they occupy that difficult gray area between childhood and adulthood. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to develop an identity and maintain purity in this age of over-sexualized images and advertisements. Girls lack a proper role model and it certainly won’t be found in Twilight where a young girl gives up her life and dreams to become the property of a hot guy. She does not exist as a individual but instead defines herself by another entity and a completely fictional one at that. At least Sailor Moon was a heroine who was able to fight and interact with other girls her age; she did not make choices based on some guy and instead fought for global harmony, thinking of ultimate good over her own selfish desires. And Harry Potter’s heroine, Hermione, is an intelligent, marginalized individual who fights for her individuality in a world where she is denegrated as a “muggle;” Hermione represents a positive role model for girls as she studies hard, nourishes friendships, and exerts her self despite her definition as an Other.  Twilight depicts a loner who finds solace and a definition of her existence through non-beings. Bella makes choices based on Edward alone and sinks into a long and deep depression when he leaves her. She experiments with non-healthy lifestyles choices, seeking adrenaline as a way to placate her loneliness when her only means of defining her identity is removed from her world. What kind of a role model is that? Also, Twilight is highly sexualized. What many praise as being “pure,” “innocent” and advocating non-sexual relationships is quite the opposite– Bella begs Edward to turn her into a vampire which traditionally involved drinking the vampire’s blood, imbibing their bodily fluids. She’s always wanting to deepen their relationship physically which is difficult for Edward as he desires her blood. On a side note… what happens when she’s menstruating? And female vampires apparently can bear children… do they menstruate, too?  That just seems like it would be a bad thing if you were living with a mess of Vampys and they’re all blood thirsty.

That’s a little strange to think about but still… there are holes in this plot.

w/e It’s still enjoyable. Especially since there were so many shirtless boys in the film… Which reminds me– those wolfies parade around in cut-offs (which looks ridiculous, y’all) which explode off when they transform. However, they are supposed to tie their shorts around their ankles prior to their transformations– well, all of the wolfy transformations were quite spontaneous and egged on by lack of anger management. I’d like to see what those creamy, ab-packed boys do when they transform back into humans entirely naked. Uh. It’s getting late. I’ve said enough.

Why the hell is Twilight so effing popular?

BTW, team jacob. Just because he seems more emotionally stable (sans anger problems) than emo-vampy boy who has an unsighly hairy chest. I’m totally with the Japanese on this. Hairy chests are not appealing except on a few exceptional cases, mainly well-tanned Italians with well sculpted chests. If you don’t fit those specs please don’t flaunt your hairy chests… it’s doesn’t excite any carnal desire in most civilized woman. Is there a return to the primal man? The beard phenom would point to yes. Ok, I will admit, I can get weak in the knees around a nicely groomed beard– but cheek bones and creamy skin (to a point, y’all… I don’t want a guy who looks like he wears more makeup than I do… which is almost none) is guaranteed to weaken knees on all accounts.

So if you fit my perfect man lists please apply to… JK y’all. I think the Perrier has gone to my head. (The trick to a particularly moist and crispy skinned turkey lies in basting with Perrier– it’s true, I read it in the New Yorker food issue). But this post certainly didn’t turn out how I had imagined. Not that anyone reads this far down if there aren’t pretty pictures— it’s true I know your bad habits. I do the same. Who has time for lengthy rantings if it’s not in Vogue, Hipster Runoff or the New Yorker anyway?

The models and methods developed to understand and assist people in reducing the negative impact of culture shock are useful tools also to be used at home.

Differences in culture between organizations can be as big and surprising as any cultural differences experienced on a distant travel.

Cultural Adaptation Process

The main challenge at home is that we do not expect cultural differences, or we have the presumption that these differences are well known to us, as well as how to handle them.  Too often we find that people struggle to cope and to adapt.

The World is Coming To Us

Another aspect today is that the cultural toolbox is needed in the most local of societies, as the world is coming to us.  This makes cultural understanding more important than ever.

In this blog I will discuss some of the key models and tools useful in cross cultural training.

Anders, from a cold a winter day in Gjøvik, Norway

Copyright 2009 Anders Haug Thomassen.  You are encouraged to use this material as long as you mention the source.  Illustration Per Kristian Strand.

This video is of the Rosenow children, as they sang “In Every Face” on November 22, 2009.  We love this family dearly and you might even recognize a few of the faces as some of those in our blog photo (above)!

Globalisation, the expansion of intercontinental trade, technological advances and the increase in the number of companies dealing on the international stage have brought about a dramatic change in the frequency, context and means by which people from different cultural backgrounds interact.Within companies there are many facets in which cultural differences manifest. Some key areas which cross cultural consultants deal with include, but are not exclusive to, the following:Cross Cultural HR: HR covers a wide range of business critical areas that need cross cultural analysis. Consultants may offer advice on a number of areas including recruitment, relocation, international assignments, staff retention and training programmes.

via Cross Cultural Solutions for International Business | Business Resources Blog.

Göttingen, 18.11.2009: Interkulturelle Begegnungen sind in der globalisierten Welt zum Alltag geworden.  Aber nicht immer gelingt es, diese konfliktfrei zu gestalten. Häufig kommt es zu Missverständnissen und Konflikten, wenn Menschen unterschiedlicher kultureller Prägung aufeinandertreffen. Eine „Schuld“ hat in solchen interkulturellen Konflikten niemand – es sind einfach zwei Welten bzw. zwei „Weltsichten“, die aufeinandertreffen. Logische Konsequenz ist wechselseitiges Unverständnis von Handlung und Kommunikation, das sich bis hin zu Streitigkeiten und letztlich Abbruch von Kontakten steigern kann.

In solchen Situationen hilft ein Mediator/eine Mediatorin. Er oder sie kann durch konstruktive Konfliktlösung aus der vermeintlich ausweglosen Situation eine Win-Win-Situation schaffen, sodass beide Konfliktparteien den Konflikt als Chance für effektive Veränderungen der Beziehungsgestaltung erkennen können. Der Mediator sieht aus der neutralen Position heraus beide Konfliktparteien und kann Lösungsansätze im Gespräch herausarbeiten. Als Vermittler im interkulturellen Konflikt sind seitens des Mediators besondere interkulturelle Kompetenz und kulturspezifisches Wissen gefordert.

Interkulturelle Mediation ist ein dementsprechend brandaktuelles Thema in der Weiterbildung. IKUD^® Seminare bietet deshalb vom 27.-28. Mai 2010 das Seminar „Interkulturelle Mediation – Eine Einführung“ an. In diesem Einführungsseminar werden die grundlegenden Kenntnisse der interkulturellen Mediation vermittelt. Gemäß dem praxisbezogenen Ansatz von IKUD^® Seminare lernen die Teilnehmenden nicht nur theoretische Hintergründe und Modelle (5 Phasen der Mediation, Konfliktstufen usw.) kennen, sondern machen in Simulationen und Übungen Erfahrungen auch auf der praktischen Ebene.

Die Teilnehmer und Teilnehmerinnen gewinnen einen Überblick über das Thema und erwerben grundlegende interkulturelle Kompetenz sowie Fähigkeiten für das Arbeitsfeld Mediation. Qualifikationen in diesem Bereich sind für jeden Trainer und Coach aber auch generell im Personalbereich und in Organisationen essentiell. In sozialen Berufen nimmt die Wichtigkeit von Spezialisten für interkulturelle Konfliktlösung ebenso zu wie in Hochschulen oder Unternehmen, die global agieren. Insofern bieten sich zahlreiche Optionen für den Einsatz derart qualifizierter Mitarbeiter; Auf Arbeitnehmerebene bedeutet diese Zusatzqualifikation eine Steigerung der Attraktivität auf dem Arbeitsmarkt.

Interessierte an „Interkulturelle Mediation – Eine Einführung“ – und dem kompletten Seminarangebot im Bereich interkulturelle Kompetenz von IKUD^® Seminare –  wenden sich an die Mitarbeiter von IKUD^® Seminare.

IKUD^® Seminare
Düstere Str. 21
37073 Göttingen
Tel.: 0551 3811278
Fax: 0551 3811-279
Homepage: www.ikud-seminare.de
E-Mail: info@ikud-seminare.de

http://www.ikud-seminare.de/Pressemitteilung/Interkulturelle-Mediation-Einfuehrung-Konfliktmanagement.html

Time reference is different amongst different societies, different culture. Time as value needs to take into some certain frame of reference – time has no value as an absolute term.

When asked what time it is and the answer is 8 o’clock. If the 8 ‘clock has any association with any other activities,  time starts to have value i.e. 8’oclock to wake up, 8 o’clock to go to school,  8 o’clock to open the shops, etc. Time starts to have meaning of speed and of being significant – not to be late. Time starts to have some  connotation as value for punctuality, money . Now it depends on how important that 8’oclock means to each one of us.

If 8 o’clock is the time that you have to meet whatever it is important for you; it is significant. Time is only a measurement factor in the modern world. You have to respect time because others respect it. Money is also the value written by the society; and money is calculated by time.  We charged by hours of working. People have to work maximum of 8 hours and that is the rule. More than 8 hours is not acceptable because that means people are actually work too hard. They need to get over time. It is called human right protection.

Imagine in a small village, people look at time from the sun, from the star, from the cock-a-doodle-doo.  For them time is to rise up, to eat, to go to the field. When the sun is on the head, it is too hot to work in the field. It is time to come back home, have a meal, rest; prepare to be in the field again in late afternoon when it is not blazing hot.  Time for them is to nurture produce in the field. Time for them is to pass by while they respond to it. They live in harmony with time.  Time is only a part of daily life that they have to live, pass by.  They cannot control time. It is the same way that they cannot control nature, rain, storm, wind etc. How important is time for them? It is important to their life. It is telling them what to do, activities that they have to do in each day. But what they have to do and achieve in the time span given is not going to produce result quickly. It will produce result in the next season.  The result will determine how they will live throughout the year for the next few seasons to come. Time is important to them. It is very crucial to them to know when to wake up, when to go to the field, when to come back and when to eat.  But punctuality is not necessary. Flexibility of time is always acceptable.

In the modern world time differs.  Time runs by year, month, day, hour, minute and second. And in the online world, it counts in real time. Two extreme sides of time; the extreme left is taking time as reference and the extreme right as measurement, in absolute terms (by hour, seconds etc.) or in relative terms (money, opportunity cost, efficiency etc.). Not talking about folks from different country, even the person from the same country or even the same family can have the different reference about time.

I once went to get my spectacles made. I broke it, and it was quite urgent to have ones replaced. I went to the shop have them made. They told me that I could come and receive the glasses at 3 p.m.  I ask my secretary to call them at 1 and confirm whether they would be ready; they confirmed. I went there quite late, actually about 3:30. They were not ready. I asked them, they had no clue. They called and tried to allocate the stuff. No one knew. I asked them when could I get them; the answer was “maybe 15 minutes”.  I was angry, because the sentence 15 minutes could be maybe 30 minutes, maybe an hour. I asked for refund, admittedly that I was stupid because I would have no reading glasses. But I refused to accept the value they put the time against customers.  That is the fact of life, you either accept the way they think or you walk away. There is no real compromise in this, either one or another. They probably looked at me and thought what the matter of 15 minutes late. But for me , it took me an hour to come and fetch them. And as a matter of fact, I called before. I refused to accept and I accepted the condition that I had no reading glasses for the day. This happened to me twice and then I gave in and had to accept whenever they could give me.

I went trekking one time with friends. We started walking early morning. I, as usual, walked rather fast. I rushed a girl in the group seeing her stride along the way, no rush, just enjoyed. She turned to me and said a very word “why rush, we have the whole day”. I laughed at myself it is true.  Time has different value depending on the situation you are in and the needs you have.  When at work, every minute is valuable. It determines whether we will miss the deadline. When travel, some may mean more things to see but other may mean longer to see one thing. This is really different from one to another. In a matter of life and death time is measured. In a matter of pleasure and enjoyment, time is reference. Time runs fast when you want more time; time runs slowly when you want to run away from time.