This blog is so special to me for so many reasons but the one that stands out the most is that I feel not so alone. I started this blog in September during my time of hibernation from the outside world. This is my only comfort item that my insiders have not destroyed.

Survivors who read my blog as well as write their own give me hope that there can be light somewhere somehow. When I feel broken and scared I read other survivors & therapists blogs. I find it so helpful because I think this whole journey is about discovery of oneself.  

However, the whole journey does not have to be done alone. There may be many times when it is okay to reach out, ask for help. Asking for help may not be such an easy task because it sometimes could feel like failure and that we cannot establish independence.

The past few weeks have been difficult. I feel as if I am at a crossroad and I do not know where to go. The only thing that has been keeping me somewhat on track is school and that is ending. The New Year is coming that means many things for me.

 I have to become one year older and I do not want to. I just want to stay where I am. It is not a particularly good, safe place but I just do not know what the future is going to bring.

I will transfer to a different university and possibly have to change therapists. If I want to get out of my living situation, I will have to change therapists for financial reasons. I am just scared because she is one of the two professionals I have ever trusted. I just do not know if I can just start over nor do I want to.

I feel like I finally reached out for help and once again it is going to be taken away from me. It seems as though whenever I choose the right thing in this case safety, I am punished. I feel like a child again, so helpless and lost. I just want to take the right path and find whatever I am suppose to be looking for.

Searching trying to make sense of each carefully placed chess piece…

Understand…

Who is who?

Who does what?

Who moves where and why?

Strategy….

Waiting on my next move….

What is my next move?

Understand…

Where to move next?

He’s there somewhere hidden amongst the pieces….

But where is he?

Why does he hide?

Hmmm….in order to understand I may have to sacrifice…

Someone else?

Someone close?

Myself?

Who?

What?

Thinking…planning….running…

Running from what?

Love?

Relationship?

Possibilities?

Answers?

Do I desire to remain ignorant?

Why?

Fear?

Me fearful?

I don’t want to be even though I know I am….

Afraid to fall even though I may have to…

Pain….I don’t like pain….

Pain hurts…

Falling hurts….especially depending on how you land….

How will I land?

How will I fall?

Don’t fall….trip maybe…but don’t fall….

Stay ahead…always on top…further ahead…always cautious

No one gets in…..

Nothing comes out…

Isaiah 30:18
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

1.  You have issues?
2.  You have problems that you don’t know how to solve?
3.  Do you have questions without answers?
4.  Are you lost, and confused?

….Now i have a question for you….

Have you asked God? It seems as though we get so caught up in our day-to-day life we forget that we have a God who cares about us, and is willing to help if we ask. Now here’s the tricky part, after we ask him for advice we have to STOP and LISTEN. Whenever we go to someone for advice do we talk and talk and then walk away? Or do you explain your issue, and wait for their response? Well after you petition God, WAIT and see what he has to tell you. I promise he’s the best advice giver EVER!! We have to be patient and listen carefully for his voice, and the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Psalm 38:15
I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.

There wasn’t supposed to be a connection…there’s wasn’t supposed to be a possibility.

It was supposed to be a one time thing…but some how you managed to grab a hold of me….Mesmerized by the warmth in your eyes, you took me by surprise….and now you’ve captured me as your prisoner.

Chosen

I’m chained to you but you roam free from me and I sit back in my cell waiting for the moment when you’ll finally acknowledge me, reaching out to me…slowly I can feel my walls cracking.

I feel my defense getting weak…how long will you keep me waiting?

It’s hard enough trying to breathe, when you suffocate me with everything….and yet you still manage to make me feel so lonely.

Isolation

My foundation begins to break…I’m doing everything I can just to stay sane…I know you’re waiting for me to fall apart…I’m trying to hold all the pieces together along with every part of my dignity.

I don’t know how you did it but you’re weakening my spirits…I’m fighting so hard just to stay in tact….but you…somehow you got to me and slowly you’re ruining me…the crazy thing is I think I’m starting to like it…

Brainwashed

I feel your darkness fill my soul…slowly I let you take control.

I feel the rage running through my veins and just when I think I’m going to go insane you grab me and give me everything.

Tainted…

The rush of power seems too much to handle at first, but eventually your gift becomes my beautiful curse.

I don’t want to let this power go but I know I’ve lost all of my control.

I’ve crossed over to your dark side and now there’s no turning back from it….

I raise my eyes and watch you from a distance. I want to get close but I feel like you’re unreachable. Paintings hang on the walls of my mind each one titled “Possibilities”. But is that all that they will be?

I linger in the realm of small conversation hanging on to each passing moment. I curse myself for thinking so foolishly of something that probably isn’t meant to be…or is it?

I see how you are knowing that the life I live and the life you live probably won’t match up at all. So I sit quietly but in my mind I hunger for your power. I want to match mine with yours but I fear that I will be consumed and transformed. I want to be tainted by you but I’m too cautious to truly cross over to such a dark and enticing state.

So I linger…

I watch as others come and go silently cursing each one for occupying a space that should be mine.

Just do it…

I can’t…no..I won’t…think don’t feel. You know that things could get complicated. There are a few major variables that could be negative….and yet

I don’t care…

But I should. I need to safe guard myself and irrational thinking is not going to help.

And yet….

I still crave that power…to be suspended in air not caring…doing as I please…

I raise my eyes and watch you from a distance. I want to get close but I feel like you’re unreachable. I get up to walk away but can’t help myself and look over my shoulder…

I’ve lost track of time
And the days have forgotten me
Meaningless, they’ve become
They just pass, no significance
Life no longer progresses in terms of days
But in shifts of time
Random leaps
Or rather, tugs
I’m not moving
But the waves are pushing me forward
A corpse in the sea
Seeking the shore

You say I’m standing at a crossroad
But how am I to choose a path
When I don’t know where I came from?
How am I to know which way
When I can’t see where I’m going?

I am a stranger in this body
I’m not in control, I’m weak
A parasite, feeding off the host
Till I get my fill
Till I reach my halt
And get off
Except
I am the host
And by the time I stop
There’ll be nothing left

I
can’t
feel
anything

I’m tired of this vessel
I’ve outgrown this place
It’s only a skin, I need to shed
If I keep it on, I’ll become an empty shell
I want out, now
This vessel must not consume me
I need to end this phase, begin the next
I would choose hell over this

“This numbness”, is not numbness
I’ve lost my senses
Or my ability to perceive them
“You were perceiving quite well,
What happened?”
I woke up.

Do you think the writer for Yahoo! Movies is at a crossroads in life, wondering if he or she chose the right career?

A crossroad is just a road that intersects another road. If the couple is at the actual intersection (literally or figuratively), then they’re at a crossroads, with an S at the end.

THE WAYS

To every man there openeth

A choice of ways to go;

And the high souls take the high road

And the low souls take the low,

And in between on misty flats,

the rest drift to and fro;

But to everyone there openeth

A highway and a low,

And everyone decideth

The way his soul shall go

- John Oxenham

Life is like a crossroad. Everyday you are bombarded with decisions that sometimes place you in a very difficult situation. Each decision leads to a path which awaits you an answer. Dealing with the path you choose is not as easy as we usually think. It affects the totality of a person be it physical, mental and emotional. These factors affect our way of deciding on things that we deal with as we walk in this journey. As we walk through the path that we chose, we deal with the things we meet along the way.

I am now in a topsy-turvy situation. I do not know why I am experiencing this way. I do not know myself anymore.  Is it maybe I chose the wrong path? What if the other way is much better than what I am facing today?Did I make a good decision? Will I be happy if  I took the road less travelled? These questions bother me every now and then.Even if I will be thinking this all over again, I would still come up to a same conclusion. There is no definite answer on the queries in the journey of life. Sooner we will find the  answers while we journey towards the end of the road.

The road I am travelling now seems  endless. I would say there is no shortcut. I must travel on this long and unwinding road.  Whatever things I may encounter in my journey, I’ll gladly accept it as this will hone me to become a better person. So be it.

You spoke….I listened..intrigued…taken back by the careful placement of your words. You don’t look at me…you fight…shift your eyes…look all around the room and rarely settle your eyes on me…nervous..You spoke….I commented….hurt, vexed, lost, confused….searching..reaching…for something..someone…who? Not me…I just sit and listen..when is the last time that someone listened to you?

I spoke…you listened….you processed…you thought…hard..trying to find answers…but I don’t have them…or do I?

Losing it….searching for something…we both are…but it’s not with in each other.. Maybe we secretly want to find something in each other but something tells me it’s forbidden. Don’t even bother making that step. Once you’ve been tainted there’s no turning back..

My mind is racing back and forth trying to attach my self to one subject…something to focus on but one thing pops up..and then another…and another..I CAN’T FOCUS!

So many things that I must do…but I’m stalling..why? Am I afraid? Maybe.. I could lose it all in one move…

So I wait…waiting for the right time…the right moment…

What will be the shape of the new corporation—the company that survives and thrives on the difficult path to the twenty-first century? Will it be a flattened pyramid, a networked cluster, a hollowed-out donut, or possibly even a shamrock?

These and other nonhierarchical possibilities stimulate a great deal of interesting speculation. The art of organization design is at a significant crossroads. Many of its old truisms are coming under fire, and few new proven ones have emerged to replace them. But at least some sense of direction for the new corporation is apparent: It will be a business with few walls. Its structure will minimize barriers between staff thinkers  and line doers, between functions and divisions, and between the company and the outside world.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, Lectures, Line of Sight

Since my last post I have gone through a dis-contentment with Buddhism and most other philosophies for this matter. A focus on loss of ego and compassion is a good thing but only to a point in my mind. I believe you need an ego and compassion that is in balance. If you have no ego at all you can’t function in this world. You’d have no power no ambition no strength. I also don’t believe all live is suffering. Yes there is suffering and there is pleasure and joy and pain and everything else that makes this a human experience. Right now I am not in pain and not suffering. I am also not willing to give up all my desires and wants. I do lie to come to a point of not being attached to them though.

It’s more about the flow of life and living in this flow without resistance or attachment to certain outcomes. Like a child lives precariously in the world… but with the balance of intellect, experience and choice. Further the obvious omission of sexuality from most religions is something I don’t understand. It is part of being human and in my mind a spirituality should embrace sexuality not telling you it’s best to restrain from it. I don’t want a new believe system that is limiting but enabling, freeing!

This is drawing me to the Vedic and Tantric believe systems. Hinduism.. I like the idea of a spirituality that is looking for the divine in ourselves and in everyday life. Where it’s about the flow of life and being a part of it not trying to separate yourself from it.

I am going to Nepal and Tibet for 6 weeks over Christmas and January. Partly work as my outsourcing company is there that I am starting a new venture with next year. It’s interesting how I got involved with this co from a country that is so spiritual and that I may end up visiting frequently. I can’t help but thing that an alignment is happening here… for the first time in a long time I am excited about something.. I see a possibility of a new phase in life that doesn’t feel stagnant, bored and full of alcohol and sorrow.

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.

~Donna Roberts

I know I talk a lot about realizations and kind of corny meaningful things, but I’m at a really big crossroads in my life right now where I’m discovering or rather rediscovering everything that means a lot to me as well as new things and new experiences. Friends especially are a predominant pattern in which my faith rarely falters, especially with one.

Me and Jonny on a road trip to Prescott stopping at a park to play in snow

Jonny has been my best friend for years. I love him to death and I would do pretty much anything for him. In one of my posts I asked who your oldest friend was but I’m not sure that I answered it for myself – or maybe I did. Ha! My memory is sort of lacking at one in the morning. Anyway, I would like to go in depth a little bit. I’ve known Jonny for about ten years, we kind of dated a little in middle school, but afterwards we found our true places at each other’s sides as friends. He knows me better than most people and he’s seen me at a lot of bad points in my life. He knows about every major thing that has ever happened to me and every thought that I have about anything. I never have to censor myself with him and he knows not to take most of the things that I say personally.

We’ve had our rough patches and our fair share of fights, but even though I can completely hate him at times, I’ll always love him and I’ll always be there for him and vice versa. At the risk of sounding cheesier than I already am, he can quite literally sometimes be my other half – the brother I never had. So here’s to true friendship that will never leave and while it may falter, will always come back strong. Cheers.

Question: What is true friendship made of?

I find myself in a “rut”. I’ve been in ruts before, but I’ve finally realized I’ve been in this rut for a very very long time. It’s been months now. I find myself wanting and looking for a way out but never acting on it. I feel like I never “get things done” at least not in the manner that I want. There’s always work and school and like everything else in my life the six months, things at work and school are just….there. I could be doing better at everything but I have trouble getting motivated to do so. I also seem to be somewhat of a procrastinator or maybe I’m just constantly too indecisive to really move forward with anything. Yes I do want a better state of my personal life. I want a significant other, but I don’t want to have to “date”. I don’t wanna be “out there”. I truly want a serious healthy relationship again. Not something that’s gonna waste my time. I’m also pretty much 90% sure of what I want in a significant other so why should I waste time out there dating people who are so completely different than me and totally uninteresting? This is not the only thing with me that I seem to have a clear idea of what I want but also tons of question marks on how to actually get there. I also want to do better at friendships because I’ve always been really bad at them but now I’m at the point where all the people who used to be “true” friend are now downgraded to just friends because I’ve shut myself off from all of them in the past few years. I can easily say there are only two people in my life who have even a somewhat good idea of what’s been going on with me anymore. Unfortunately, one of them doesn’t even wanna speak to me anymore. I realize that’s my fault, but I can’t deny how much it hurts that it has come to this.

Sigh. I think basically I have no clue what I’m rambling about here anymore. All I know is there used to be a very simplistic content in my life and I want it back. I want the feeling of how everything will be ok no matter what because I still have that one who’ll always be there for me and take care of me. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve learned to be alone. I learned the art of being alone before I even had my first relationship. I can be fine by myself. I will live. But who wants to be just fine? Who wants to *just* live?

The book Hinds’ Feet in High Places captured my attention from the beginning with the storyline, characters, and words.  In the story, Much-Afraid, the main character, is on a journey to the high places so that she can enter the Kingdom of Love and be with the Shepherd.

Along the journey, the Shepherd takes her on a path that leads away from the high places.  She questions Him about this with tear-filled eyes and in response He tells her, “No, it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible,” and the author writes, “He was leading her away from her heart’s desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back.”

I love her response to Him: “I will go with you for you know I do love you and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please.“

She also later after she has gone through trials and held onto the Shepherd’s promises, she says, “I was that woman, but am not that woman now.“  She said because of an “inner and secret mark [that] no one would have noticed any difference outwardly but all the same a deep inner change had taken place, which indicated a new stage in her life.”

As for me, I recently wrote about how God overwhelms me with love.  He holds me close and is leading me on a journey.  A journey that brought me to a crossroad where I chose and continue to choose to dig deep and press into Him.  Now as I read these quotes, I see that I have come to a new stage that I am no longer that woman.  That I am continuing and must continue to choose life, choose freedom, and ultimately choose Him.  Every day learning how to lay it at His feet and let Him choose anything that He wants for me. Letting the “bold” things in this blog be my prayer and my promise. All to bring glory to Him.

bon jovi y yo

Todo empezo en 1992, cuando por primera vez, escuche y vi a bon jovi.

Era un viernes por la noche y estabamos en casa de una amiga cenando, entonces viendo la tele (en uno de esos programas de espectaculos que hacian) lo vi actuar cantando bed of roses y me enganche…………

I am so unhappy right now. Really hung over and unhappy. I just don’t like my life anymore. It’s not what I want. It’s not enough. I don’t feel connected and don’t feel like I am walking my destiny.

So I am having a ‘mental health day’ today and reading The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra. It’s great. A lot of the insights he is talking about I have had or understand or can relate to. The point I am lacking in is action. I am dis-attached to life which leads me to drink too much. It smooths it all over, though I pay for it the next day!!

I am thinking more and more I need to change things radically to propel myself out of my rut. I think the business has to go completely and I need to take a break, experience the world and try and connect, then move forward. Today I am thinking of closing it off, vacate the apartment, put everything in storage and go traveling with no set time or route. First stops though would be Nepal and India.

I am not trying to run away, I know that doesn’t work.. but I need new perspectives. I don’t think I will get this here in Sydney. The world I have created for myself here will keep on sucking me back in.

From the book…p53.

“But to win yourself back you have to get as close to zero as possible. At its very core, reality is pure existence. Meet yourself there and you will be able to create anything in existence. The ‘I am’ contains all that is needed for making a world, even though by itself it consists of nothing but a silent witness”

Happiness is so elusive. Right now I should be very happy. I just sold my recent property development, business is going really well, my tooth ace is gone and I met a boy on the weekend that I like. We are going on a date this weekend.

Still I am flat, uninspired and not happy. What is lacking is more human interaction. More surprises, more spontaneity. I had 2 client meetings yesterday which I really enjoyed and it showed me what was missing.

I am coming to a cross road. I can’t keep working and living from home.. it’s killing me. I can build up my business to have an office and employees. The work is there and I have the capital now to do so. Or I could go on a spiritual journey of self discovery for a year. Something I really want to do.. but it would mean a clean cut with my business and a complete new start after the year.

I am not sure which is the right decision. Growth should be inclusive not exclusive. Giving up my livelihood seems a little ludicrous. Or it could open up doors I never dreamed of. Hmmm.  Going from extreme control to complete openness… is tempting.. and perhaps stupid!

I find it ironic that happiness seems to be these fleeting moments within the never ending cycle of change. When we move from the old into the new. Or when we enjoy the new.. then it grows old and we need to change. It’s a constant chase.

So, at Pagan Pride Day, I purchased the CD Crossroads by the ever lovely Jenna Greene. I have to say, her voice is spectacular. It has a crystal clarity to it that resonates strongly with the soul and fills the heart with vibrant emotions.

My favorite of her songs is Spring Love. The lyrics to it are as follows:

~~~

The gray sky is cracked
By the light of gentle rays.
Whispering spring breezes
Tell secrets to the mist.
Melted snow trickles
O’er dark muddled earth.
The trees awake and
Stretch their branches

They wake from their dreams
To find this world enchanted.
Promises of flowers
And newborn hope.
Readied now for the silence to end,
The air is filled with joyous song.

As the birds rebuild their homes
And the faeries dance their rounds,
I journey deep into the mist
And find your love surrounds

You are the newness
Of the green branches
That warms me in the cold
Your are the song that
Fills up my heart
You awaken me and renew my dreams.

~~~

I am stuck. Trying to find my place without completely falling off track. The crossroad is in front of me, each path way trying to seduce me into walking down it’s paved road. Each one is equally enticing. Each one crying for attention. Which one do I take? It doesn’t help that each path caters to a different side of me.

The Lover….the part of me that wants to love someone without hesitation. No fear of the past. Only looking towards the future waiting to face anything standing side by side with the one I love.

The Child….the little girl deep in my soul. Innocent to the world. Carefree and happy. No worries…no pain…no suffering. Rain makes her smile instead of looking out the window with gloom in her eyes. She’s ignorant to everything.

The Computer….the brains of everything. Nothing but code in every thought. Everything must be logical. There is no such thing  as an irrational thought. There is order. Everything has a place and a purpose. One thing doesn’t function without the other. The computer runs everything. There is NO room for error. NO room for emotion.

The Defender….protector of everything sacred. She keeps the walls built high ensuring that no intruders can get in. She protects the Lover and the Child. She’s in alliance with the Computer. Finding new ways to better herself. More ways to stay protected. Shields, passwords, Steel doors…anything. She shows mercy to no one. She cares for no one. You will get Hurt if you get in her way. She gets things done. She bypasses all emotional red tape. She is a doer. No time to think. She follows pure instinct.

Different paths….different faces….each calling for attention. Which one do I choose? I tried co-existing with all of them but some how they all seem to clash. Each one fighting against another….sometimes they work together but in the end they are still enemies….

Which one do I choose?

This is another Buble song that I love. It’s called Lost. Well, I would like to believe that I’m not lost and that I have someone that cares about me just like the song says. At this very moment in time, I’m at the crossroad in my life. I am alone as well. I still have a few true friends here and there but that’s about it. My only love at this very moment is my passion for motorsports and also my career. My family is still very important to me but recently, I’ve failed to be a good daughter due to my time planning and the constant issues in my life. I feel horrible about this and I’m making a point to improve at being a team player when it comes to this family. My cousin sister Ah Kee is getting married tomorrow and instead of being in Ipoh for her wedding, I’m here instead. My mum and dad text me a few hours ago and requested that I try to make a trip down for the wedding tomorrow. Part of me, feels like doing just that, making a trip there for the wedding but on the other hand, if I do that, I’d be missing my practice session at the workshop which will make my team manager very angry cause I did promise to be there. That’s the main problem with me, I just don’t have enough time for the things and task that I need to do even though, I’ve tried to balance them out. Also, a guy that dated me previously called me a workaholic.. Imagine that. Which I can’t agree with. I really don’t think I’m a workaholic. Well, atleast all this while but I’m not sure how things would be when I join the new co. soon.

Lost by Michael Buble Lyrics

Can’t believe it’s over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I’d only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
Then the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognize the girl you are today
And God I hope it’s not too late
It’s not too late
‘Cause you are not alone
I’m always there with you
And we’ll get lost together
‘Till the light comes pouring through
‘Cause when you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you’re not lost
When your world’s crashing down
And you can’t bear the thought
I said, babe, you’re not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you’ve gone crazy
But you’re not
Things have seemed to change
There’s one thing that’s still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

‘Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we’ll get lost together
‘Till the light comes pouring through
‘Cause when you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you’re not lost
When the world’s crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you’re not lost
I said, baby, you’re not lost
I said, baby, you’re not lost
I said, baby, you’re not lost

- whit3puppy

Knowing your audience is a must, to a point. Who else will buy and support your novels? If you write, however, strictly to please others, where is the passion, the purpose of telling your story the way it wants/needs to be told?

Not long ago a wise lady said, “Stay true to your self.” This is exactly what I needed to hear at a writing crossroad. A beta reader (BR), an avid fan and supporter of my two previous novels, basically threatened not to ever read any of my works again if I wrote of or implied a particular storyline in Ella.

This “threat” bothered me a great deal. I highly respect the opinion of this BR, but I also know and understand where she is coming from. It is not, however, the same place I am at now, or ever have been for that matter. And, neither has Ella.

It is the “right” and function of every reader to select novels according to their tastes and avoid those that they find of no interest or would find offensive if read. It is just as imperative for the author, the creator, to hold true to ones self.

Stay true to your own self, the truth will set you free!

Through trying to keep abreast of current information on things Librariany (technical term, that), I have found myself buried under a small molehill of things on which I would love to have a discourse. But that which inspired me to sit down before my laptop and put these words to type is the debate between past and future: paperless libraries.

This issue has me torn in two separate directions. Firstly I adore books: the smell, the feel, the idea of holding an artifact, the scribbles in the margins marking a small timeline of past ownership. The printed word is what inspired me first to pursue writing, and secondly to enter a career in Librarianship, and thirdly to focus on Archiving and Special Collections. Last week I touched the cover of a book that was over 400 years old. I felt a religious sense of reverence for, not only the Spanish explorer who had set the words to paper, but for the book itself. It had seen things, been places that people can only imagine. Traveling across oceans in a 15th Century ship, the virgin lands of the Americas, the Industrial Revolution, two World Wars… a few hundred sheets of paper bound in animal skin and scribbled upon with ink has experienced more than a hundred people living at this moment.

Secondly I am in love with technological progress. I have been playing video games for as long as I can remember, I’ve been working with or around computers for my entire life, I embrace the special kind simultaneous closeness and distance which is achieved through online encounters. I keep relatively informed on technological progress moreso than even the current political climate. I would sooner invest a day reading about how close we, as a species, are to the new Science Fiction Reality than watch an hour of CNN or MSNBC or, Heaven forbid, Fox News. I purchased an iPhone and find myself startled to think that just ten short years ago I was in High School and dial-up was lightning fast. I’ll be the first in line to have an RFID tag inserted into my wrist: I’d never have to carry around a drivers license or social security card or credit card again. Just scan the RFID and extract the information necessary. I’ve handled eBook readers and have wanted one so badly I had difficulty not stealing the one I bought for my friend’s wedding present.

So I find myself at an impasse: with libraries becoming increasingly digitized and information becoming increasingly democratized, toward which side will I cast my vote? Will I side with the Digital Revolution and embrace the Web Squared wholeheartedly, casting aside all print media and hugging my nearest eBook Reader? Or will I battle the tide and fight for the preservation of the printed word, arm in arm against the degeneration of Libraries as I know and love them? My only hope is to reach a meeting of the minds: an equilibrium in which these 21st Century Digital Children revere the printed word as a scared artifact while still enjoying their Kindles and Readers. I feel that the printed word can be elevated to a place of respect amongst the rabble. Perhaps in the future he who has a book under his arm along with his Kindle 7 will be looked at in awe and wonder by his peers, and perhaps a great author of her time will feel an explosion of exultation when she is given the honor of having her words set to actual paper. This is the future I hope for: not a black-and-white choosing, but a melding of the philosophies. I utterly renounce the removal of the printed word from the Library (academic especially… I find myself more lenient with public libraries), but also accept and even embrace the march of progress. I will stand at the crossroads with an iPhone in one hand and a book in the other hand and welcome the Future of Libraries.