Awakened to this horror story:
A tragedy only conceivable in my nightmares.
Gripping at nothing for a hold on sanity,
Because nothing is all I’m left with.

My jowls break from these wails of agony;
I cry drops of blood into a basin of sorrow,
Reflecting this shell, void of life.

This death sentence I’m now consigned to
Ruptures the mountain of peace I once stood upon.
I fall into the darkest abyss, supplicating to a deaf God,
Wondering if the fall will ever end.

Your consolations are mockeries,
For this wound can never mend—
You can never understand.
For as naïve as you are, can you not realize,
Nothing else matters anymore?

(1)   Maybe God gave me a big old dose of healing.

(2)  Maybe just talking to my trusted people helped.

(3)  Maybe the depression has a timer that beeped, and now things are getting better.

(4.) Maybe the medicine change from a while back has kicked in.

(5.) All of the above

(6.) None of the above.

Things that have already happened since the depression began lifting.  I went on a mega-trip with Rachael to deliver a puppy.  Did Christmas shopping & found things to get a little excited about.  AND, the biggest of all, I went to the symphony and it was amazing!!!!   I am so glad that I’m feeling better!!

Maybe worth mentioning – my screaming for help consisted of blogging which is a big old pride-buster right there as the 3 people who care enough about me to read my blog; well, they get to see my raw, nasty, and weak side.  I also started seeing a counselor.  I would have said that was the easiest step, except that the last time we met, she said I was very guarded and did not share well.  Allow me to borrow a little Steve Martin.  “Well, excuuuse me!”  I thought was was letting it all out.  Yet, I kind of know that I don’t trust people in general and wouldn’t want to tell them anything they could use against me.   Another “scream” was going to visit my psychiatrist early, 3 times.  Each time, I felt like it was a little weirder than the time before.  But,  Dr. Gold was really cool about it.  One time he even thanked me for coming in.

I guess that’s about it.  I’ll have to share my “coping skills” another time.  They wouldn’t exactly make it onto anyone’s recommended top 1,000 list, but they helped keep me going.

Evidently rational gauging of your lowness is necessary because if your lowness is so frequent, patterned, hurts and distracts you from functioning effectively, that’s a sign of depression. As a matter of fact, you may want to read more about depression you by checking this link among many sources on depression: MedicineNet at http://www.medicinenet.com/depression/article.htm

If your lowness hasn’t reached that trend yet and you’ve confirmed that with your primary doctor, perhaps, when once in time your lowness ensues, make sure that you review the it from deep down and link that to the reality on surface.

When you have interest in your body and soul and spend time in reviewing your personal experience, you can always see yourself overpowering whatever foreign invasions you encounter, even the iffy feelings. If you are down and shouldn’t be down there; quickly draw a line between down and up, in order to get up. Then get up and while you’re up look back at that “down” and conclude if it’s what and where you want to be at in your life. I hope you won’t get down there, but stay up.

One of the effective things at the time of feeling down is for one to dot down their unique experience as they ensue. In the poetry category, I’ve posted and sharing a draft of a poem I wrote many years ago about the deep down feelings, “The Deep.” Since then, I haven’t had such a feeling, but from that poem I learned to identify and gauge any lowness in my life. More importantly, I learned that deep down, within there’s abundance of explanations about many things in your life; who you are and where you want to be. Just look down and link that to your realities.

If your lowness is more linked to a pain, I once wrote a poem about familiarizing yourself with your pain because within your pain lies your cure. I’ll share it when I find it from my files. One of the great poets I like most, Jelaluddin Rumi says, “Until you’ve found pain, you won’t reach cure.” You could apply that anecdote in any situation you find yourself in. I hope you find ‘The Deep” useful. Please check the poetry category to read it.