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funny quotes and sayings

roxiocalcio — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 11:19:24 +0000

“You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.”
Short and funny quote by, Homer J. Simpson.

“Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel.”
An American adage about antagonizing newspaper editors

“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.”
Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosbey.

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.

Need a Good Laugh???

snazzymoms — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 08:39:24 +0000

Yes, there are mothers out there that love their children no matter what, even at 4 in the morning when they need a diaper change. There are those mothers that think its cute when their baby spits up, and there are those mothers that enjoy cleaning up the mess after yet another Gerber session has ended. And then there is me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter. But I love her most when she is being taken care of by someone else. She is cutest when she sleeps and I mostly want to be around her when she is not actually around. So for those mothers that need a little reminder why we got ourselves into this to begin with, here is clip that makes it all worth it.

Snazzy Moms presents : Video by athaung

Featured friends’ posts:

Funny quotes about Children

raimialders — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:00:57 +0000

Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off.
– Ralph Bus

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you’re feeling festive?
– Roseanne Barr
I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant.
– Dean Martin
To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.
– Ernest Hemingway

funny hilarious quotes for myspace headlines

roxiocalcio — Sun, 25 May 2008 16:31:27 +0000

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. cool sayings on Cool Sayings

If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, funny girly quotes by Cool Pickup

I didn’t know that Miss America lived here! cool quote about Pickup Lines

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. sweet sayings by Pretty Cool

Idiocy is just a stroke of briliance that normal prople don’t understand.~Kimber cute saying about funny girly quotes

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. sweet quotations about Cute Sayings

Funny Birthday Sayings

raimialders — Wed, 21 May 2008 16:19:25 +0000

“After all what are birthdays? Here today and gone tomorrow.”

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age”

“In the end it’s not the years in your life that count it’s the life in your years”

“It takes a long time to grow young”

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age”

“Few women admit their age, few men act theirs”

“Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand”

“The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once”

Humor of cute funny quotes and sayings

roxiocalcio — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:15:33 +0000

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke — and that the joke is oneself.

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was ’shut up.’
Joe Namath

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
Mark Twain

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Harry S. Truman

I’m trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
Jim Loy

I wasn’t really naked. I simply didn’t have any clothes on.
Josephine Baker

funny quotes and sayings

roxiocalcio — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:31:59 +0000

Many people walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in you heart…….

People make mistakes all the time, unfortunately you were one of them.

The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 of the people on earth take up 75% of the worlds population!!!

A aniversery just reminds you of what a mistake you made.

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast…

Don’t be Superstitious, just a little stitious…

Is common sense really common?

funny text message sayings for myspace headline

roxiocalcio — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:47:46 +0000

My favorite animal is steak.
~quotes about Food by Fran Lebowitz

Librarian is a service occupation. Gas station attendant of the mind.
~amusing inspirational thoughts sayings by Richard Powers

The multitude of books is making us ignorant.
~saying on Books Reading by Voltaire

Modesty is the lowest of the virtues, and is a confession of the deficiency it indicates. He who undervalues himself is justly overvalued by others.
~amusing inspirational thoughts sayings by William Hazlitt

The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow.
~amusing thoughts by Author Unknown

Funny Clever Quotes

roxiocalcio — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:50:16 +0000

11.

If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

12.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
13.

You can’t be late until you show up.
14.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway
15.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
16.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
17.

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
18.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

Funny Irish Sayings and Quotes

raimialders — Sat, 03 May 2008 16:53:20 +0000

Remember even if you loose all, keep your good name; for if you loose that you are worthless.

The Irish are very fair people, they never speak well for one another.

Good laugh and long sleep are the best cures in a doctor’s book.

May you get all your wishes but one so you always have something to strive for.

Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you.

Distant hills look green.

He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice.

Funny quotes about Science by Marston Bates

roxiocalcio — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:03:56 +0000

Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
~quotes about Science by Marston Bates

Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.
~famous inspirational quote by George Will

While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness
~saying on Creativity by Gilda Radner

All lies and jests, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
~famous inspirational quote by Paul Simon

Eating, loving, singing and digesting are, in truth, the four acts of the comic opera known as life, and they pass like bubbles of a bottle of champagne. Whoever lets them break without having enjoyed them is a complete fool.
~famous by Gioacchino Rossini

Human suffering, while it is asleep, is shapeless. If it is wakened it takes the form of the waker.
~sayings about famous by Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

Funny Joke Quotes

raimialders — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:30:08 +0000

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
– Bob Monkhouse

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought…I must put a roof on this lavatory.
– Les Dawson
I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
– Billy Connolly
A man commented to his lunch companion: “My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she’d married a millionaire.” “You’re lucky,” sighed the companion. “My wife dreams that in the daytime.”
– Sam Ewing
If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that!
– Milton Jones

random funny sayings 3

raimialders — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:39:53 +0000

If I ve told you once I ve told you a thousand times! cute saying about cute summer sayings

Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else sweet quotations about Cute Quotes

The cigarette does the smoking, you’re just the sucker. cool sayings on Advice

Quiet brain! or I’ll poke you with another Q-tip. cute summer sayings by Cool Pickup

If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head. cool quote about Advice

If you saw with a sawhorse, do you seesaw with a seahorse? sweet sayings by Mr Q

If you read a dictionary, you’ll be really smart. If you eat a dictionary, you’ll be really full. cute saying about cute summer sayings

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?~Jules Feiffer sweet quotations about Religion

funny short sayings & hilarious quotes

roxiocalcio — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 16:27:11 +0000

As we say in Calculus, “Wanna be tangent to my curves?”

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He’s a Commie.

Don’t drink and drive – you might hit a bump and spill it.

I caught my daughter playing with the electrical outlet, and she gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.

Death has been proven to be 99% fatal in laboratory rats.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

short funny quotes || cute funny sayings

raimialders — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 11:37:31 +0000

Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction… – Noelie Altito
I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids. – Johathan Raban
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. – Horace Walpole
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. – unknown

Famous funny sayings

roxiocalcio — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:48:35 +0000

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
~quotes about Knowledge by Maurice Maeterlinck

The greatest miracle of love is the cure of coquetry.
~inspirational retirement quote by François Duc de la Rochefoucauld, Maxims

To welcome a difficulty is to cut its size in half.
~saying on Growth by

How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will.
~inspirational retirement quote by Albert Einstein

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.
~retirement by Henry David Thoreau

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
~sayings about retirement by P.J. O’Rourke

Go down deep enough into anything and you will find mathematics.
~quotes about Math by Dean Schlicter

T Shirt Sayings: Funny T Shirt Sayings

roxiocalcio — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 17:57:55 +0000

# Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

# Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

# I’m not getting smaller I’m backing away from you.

# Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

# I don’t know what makes you dumb But it really works.

# Rehab Is for Quitters

# My Dog Can Lick Anyone

# Computer programmers don’t byte They nibble a bit.

# BEER It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

Birthday Quotes, Sayings, Rhymes

roxiocalcio — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:00:40 +0000

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. – Virginia Woolf

Funny golf quotes
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cute funny sayings

Youth comes but once in a lifetime. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Youth had been a habit of hers for so long that she could not part with it. – Rudyard Kipling

Keep true to the dream of thy youth. – Friedrich Von Schiller

It is through the idealism of youth that man catches sight of truth, and in that idealism he possesses a wealth which he must never exchange for anything else. – Albert Schweitezer

Funny Quotes - To make you laugh

roxiocalcio — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 08:11:13 +0000

# If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

# Of course I don’t look busy…..I did it right the first time!

# Nobody notices what I do, until I don’t do it.

# Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all!

# I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

# After all is said and done, more is said than done.

# I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Funny Christmas Quotes

roxiocalcio — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 17:53:54 +0000

“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.”
Jay Leno.

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple

“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”
Tom Armstrong

“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?”
Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

funny 40th BIRTHDAY SAYINGS

roxiocalcio — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 16:34:25 +0000

Life begins at 40 — but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – William Feather

Men who have reached and passed forty-five, have a look as if waiting for the secret of the other world, and as if they were perfectly sure of having found out the secret of this. -Benjamin Haydon

When you reach forty you can’t do anything every day. – Henry “Hank” Aaron

When you are forty, half of you belongs to the past…And when you are seventy, nearly all of you. – - – - Jean Anouilh

Be wise with speed; A fool at forty is a fool indeed.- – - – Edward Young

funny anchorman quotes and jokes

roxiocalcio — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 15:22:44 +0000

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limit
~humorous quotes about Stupidity quotes by Albert Einstein

I’d have a photographic memory but it was never developed.
~funny sayings about anchorman by Funny Guy

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace
~Hilarious funny anchorman quotes

Why is the word abbreviation so long?
~humorous quotes about Funny Questions by Funny Guy

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
~funny sayings about anchorman by Noelie Altito

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? *
~Hilarious funny anchorman quotes

Nature, our father and mother, gave us all we have got. The state, our elder brother, swipes the lot
~humorous quotes about Government quotes by Piet Hein

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
~funny sayings about anchorman by Funny Guy

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?
~Hilarious funny anchorman quotes

funny text messaging sayings

roxiocalcio — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 16:09:44 +0000

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking
~funny sayings about hunting by Jerry Seinfield

Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!
~humorous sayings about hunting by

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
~funny quotes about Cool Sayings by

T.G.I.F Thank God I’m Female.
~humorous sayings about hunting by

Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say…
~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

You went on vacation and all i got was this stupid bumper sticker?
~humorous sayings about hunting by

Your lucky color has faded.
~funny quotes about Cool Sayings by

funny myspace headline quotes

roxiocalcio — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:39:48 +0000

Reach for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.
~funny sayings about short by Funny Guy

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
~Hilarious funny short quotes

I intend to live forever-so far so good.
~humorous quotes about Funny Life Qutes by Funny Guy

When I was born … the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … I’m very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through
~funny sayings about short by Rodney Dangerfield

Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.
~humorous sayings about short by

Aren’t you the tiger on the Frosted Flakes box? Cuz you look Grrrreat!
~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

Baby on bored
~humorous sayings about short by