And it’s true. So I don’t understand why these silly pop singers/songwriters harp on and on about the fact that their life would be meaningless sans, pop and glitter, and “you”.

It’s not just a trap. Now I’ve begun to understand why extremely small amounts of the population like the 49 of us philosophically outrageous beings left on the face of the earth have an emotional range equal to that of a teaspoon. That’s because we don’t get easily swayed by layered music sung by wannabe Kurt Cobains and whatnots.

So.Get.A.Grip.

Because even if ‘they’ go away, your life is NOT going to end up sucking. Then again, it will suck like nothing’s sucked before if you continue giving yourself such high amounts of self respect by screaming such songs on top of your lungs to while away your time and get all MUSH-ED.

You’ll be very messed up for sometime and everything. But then if you love yourself, you’ll get up and survive.

I wish people weren’t so ’silly’. Stop being lame!

Okay, I’ll try and be polite now. So look, I bet you’re really hurt because ‘they’re’ gone. But instead of wallowing in self pity, I’d suggest you try and pick up the pieces, and keep the memories afresh. Because since those are all you’ve got, you’d rather cherish them.

And then see how well the supreme beings that belong to the universe are going to treat you. And only because you’ve learnt to treat yourself so well.

x EdgyShark x

We Irish are fit to make a middling fist of cynicism. After all, it’s a well fashionable attitude. But at heart we are anything but. Tell us a good myth and we will buy it, hook, line and most probably sinker. We believe in the dream. Whether it be the American Dream, the Roman Church Dream, the Celtic Tiger Dream or the Good Intentions of Fianna Fail Dream. Now that the dust has begun to settle slightly on the Main de Dieu affair, what lessons are we to take from the sorry tale of Ireland’s unfair departure from the World Cup?

For a start, let’s agree that the let’s-get-a-grip people have a point. It is not the end of the world that we missed out on qualifying for the World Cup. Yes, it cost us a lot of money. Yes, it was unfair. But there are so many more serious issues facing us; floods, global warming, the financial crisis, list them yourself. But football, as has been observed before, is a metaphor for life. Football makes us feel good. Football in the 1980’s was one of the absurd things that gave us a previously lacking belief in ourselves, that took us out of the post colonial doldrums. It has sometimes been said that Jack Charlton and – for entirely different reasons – Mary Robinson started the Celtic Tiger. And whatever about these big brush strokes one thing is sure. A strange tinge of regret will linger in Irish hearts as we watch Henry, Gallas and friends go about their business in South Africa 2010. Our minds will inevitably drift back to a November evening in 2009.

Remember? First off, we sang. The 5000 or so of us who had forked out and travelled to the match sang their lungs out for Amhrain na bFiann, but they sang Les Marseillaise nearly as lustily, shoulder to shoulder with our hosts. They bought into the occasion, into the pageant, into the competition with our traditional belief, commitment and humour. The rest of us sang along mentally with the TV. The country is small, and many of the Irish soccer fans would also have watched rugby matches at the Stade de France. We like the French. We knew a lot of their players, some in particular from their high profile gigs in England. The feeling in our hearts was more of hope than of conviction, being 1 – 0 down from the first leg. But we do the role of underdog well. When no one expects much from us, we are always good.

The world of the top flight professional footballer is one far removed from the world inhabited by most football fans. Millions of words have been written about the fishbowl of celebrity. But, like a lot of things, you probably need to be there to really understand what being a famous footballer is all about. We know, but don’t understand their world, a world in which they (generally) start out young, leave (an often modest) home, never grow up and dedicate huge work to their skills and fitness. They pretty well sacrifice everything to become one of the few, the very few who graduate, get through the eye of the needle and fulfil their dreams of fame and riches.

It might be useful to contemplate here some of the threads that bind the fans and these remote football stars together. One such is obvious. It is memory. Most footballers were once fans themselves. They stood on the terraces and dreamed. Another link are the referees, the middle-aged lads who puff and huff through the game blowing (or not blowing) whistles and raising flags. Most of these are part time (although FIFA are said to favour more professional referees), and they are modestly paid, especially in comparison to the celebrities whose play they regulate. Theirs is the epitome of a thankless job. Sometimes all that opposing fans agree on are the failures of the ref and his team.

Another link between fans and players are the managers. However high-flying and however famous a manager, he dare not incur the displeasure of the fans. Losing the dressing room is one thing; but losing the terrace is even more threatening for the career of a gaffer.

At some stage in the Stade de France on 18 November, it dawned on Thierry Henry that he was not playing in a superleague, Spanish or English or French. An international, especially this kind of international, is a different beast. Here you play with the honour of your country at stake. And to most people, even today, that means something. The Irish fans are not cynics; but neither are the French. They too, sang. They too, believed. And from their reaction in various blogs, in overwhelming votes on the Internet, in their calls for the match to be replayed, it is obvious that a sporting occasion, not a win-at-all-costs one was what they thought they were attending. Fans across the globe, English fans, Hungarian fans, Japanese fans, all voiced their outrage and disquiet at the injustice. These are not cynics either. A small minority, of course, insisted on a display of world-weary cynicism. But, as a number of people pointed out, a large proportion of the consumers of football and its associated merchandise are children. And they are not cynical either.

It was informative to listen to a series of professional footballers deliver their verdicts on the subject of the Henry foul that got away. Because of the sacrifices they have made, perhaps because they have had to re-invent super-flexible versions of themselves to get through the eye of the needle, the top players and ex-players have become as cynical as soldiers. Be it Roy Keane or Mick McCarthy. Be it Ronnie Whelan or David Beckham. And this sorry affair gives us a glimpse behind the clichés of football at the real people who perform week in week out for the clubs. You can detect the egos, the arrogance of course. But you can also detect self doubt, self loathing, even in the words of Roy Keane. He seems to be forever fighting a shadow Roy Keane who forgot to bring the footballs to Saipan or who is afraid to win, or who might have let the ball hop in the six yard box, once, at the end of a tired game, and lost everything. He had a fantastic playing career, and has entered the hall of fame as one of the true greats of Ireland and of Manchester United. He always seemed to have time on the ball, even in the most crowded midfield. He had authority on that field of dreams. Yet he left his last management job with an air of Hari Kiri about him. Roy needs to give himself a break. And give others a break, too.

Likewise Stephen Ireland, in a totally different way. Ireland just can’t believe he got through the needle’s narrow eye. He with his gawky body and prematurely receding hair. To convince himself, he keeps flaunting absurdly expensive cars, and giving interviews explaining why he’s not coming back to play for his country. He once said (perhaps in jest) that he hates football. He is every inch the star but all his body language betrays is fear. He is afraid of breaking the spell. He is afraid to play for Ireland, because he might be found out. He might not be good enough. You have to think for a second, when you try to name examples of people at the very top who seem to have kept their innocence and personal balance. But, from a distance, we can venture Ryan Giggs, Richard Dunne, Shay Given. Others have had their difficulties and recovered and carried on. It must be a strange place these lads occupy.

Thierry Henry seems basically to be a nice guy. His post match comments regarding his actions and even his apology for his celebration show that he is a man with a conscience and a sense of justice. It is true that his reaction was confused. He played up the goal, then later sat beside Richard Dunne on the pitch and tried to engage him in discussion. Not because he is a cynic, but because he knew by then that he was a loser, too. He had heard the singing and remembered the faces of the Irish fans. Later he saw the tears of the Irish. The uproar and genuine anger across the world did hurt him. There is no doubt about that. He was the captain in a very real sense of the French team. It is he, reports claim, rather than the vague Domenech, who really leads – and perhaps even picks – the French side. But once the storm broke Henri found himself isolated and abandoned, by the French FA, and – by the tone of his remarks – perhaps even by his playing colleagues. Everyone had to wait to see if he might have to be sacrificed. At this level, the players may be cynical. But the blazer brigade, made up of ex players and wannabe players are cynical squared. Cynical magnified to grotesque levels.

Korea, the World Cup host nation, were cheated into the closing stages of the World Cup finals in 2002, at the expense of Italy. Byron Moreno, the referee of the match, wrongly disallowed a perfectly good Italian goal by Tommasi, and sent off an Italian player unjustly. The Italian coach at the time was one Giovanni Trappatoni. Moreno was later banned for 20 matches in his native Ecuador for playing excessive (13 minutes, after 6 had been signalled) extra time, thereby affecting the results of a match between Liga Deportiva Universitaria de Quito and Barcelona Sporting Club.

The seeding made half way through the 2009 World Cup qualifying competition was clearly designed to affect the results. In the days before the match, the French newspaper Le Figaro wrote that the seeding of the playoff draw had been deliberately loaded in favour of the ‘big’ teams; and they questioned the influence of Adidas, sponsors of the French team. Right from the start, the preference of the world governing body were clear. This put – even if no pressure other than this was exerted – a terrible strain on one of the key links between the fans and the never-never land of top level football. The referee.

On the night of the match the Swedish official Hansson decided to employ a conventional ‘left handed’ diagonal system of control to monitor and regulate play. This system basically breaks the pitch into four quadrants. At the time when the French got their ‘goal’, the first two quadrants were in the Irish half (Q1 was on Shay Givens right) and the other two were in the French half. The ref was diagonally patrolling from quadrant four to quadrant one, leaving his first assistant, Wittberg, quadrant 3 in the French half and a guy called Frederik Nilsson, the second assistant, quadrant 2 along the left side of the Irish touchline. From the endless replays, Nilsson seemed to be the only one with a clear view of the incident. It was his direct responsibility to spot that two French players were offside as the ball came in. He was standing in the correct position, directly in line with the last defender. Inexplicably, though, he missed both the handball and the offside. Nilsson, unlike Hansson, is not a full time ref. He is down on the FIFA site as a ‘foreman’.

When the Irish players protested, referee Martin Hansson made a gesture as if the ball was striking his chest and the side of his body. His message was; I saw it (or he saw it), it was a good goal, you are wrong to protest. He even booked Damien Duff for over-zealous complaints. Of course video evidence seconds later showed that it was the ref that was wrong. Blatantly wrong. Did he consult with his linesman via his audio link? Presumably. There have been incidents where the officials have ‘unofficially’ used the television replay to make a judgement.  [I have since been told by a Frenchman that they don't show the slow-mo in the Stade de France]. And in the minutes leading up to that replay, somehow Hansson got a completely wrong impression of what happened. Not no impression, mark you, but the WRONG one.

Anyway, Hansson made his decision, the game re-started, and that was that. The Irish played on. In fairness to him, Nilsson had – rightly – flagged an Italian ‘goal’ by Sidney Govou as offside in the 111th minute. The referee also denied Nicholas Anelka a penalty claim when the Frenchman dived. In general, fans agreed, the Swedish officials had a good game, until the lapse in the first half of extra time.

After the world wide post-match inquest began, the focus shifted away from Henry and the Swedish referees and on to the world body and its officials. FIFA were already in their bunker. A bland version of the match was described on their website, omitting for the first 24 hours any mention of the handball. They cited the rules of the game in their statement responding to the FAI call for a replay. The referee’s decision is final, they said, pointing to the rule book. Only – the referee’s decision is not final, it turns out. Uzbekistan and Bahrain had a game replayed under the stewardship of FIFA during the 2006 qualifiers, on the basis of a referee’s mistake.

And here, I would suggest, lies the greatest danger for Sepp Blatter and the suits in FIFA. As long as The Threads That Bind the true fans to the strange world of the booted gladiators hold, their position (and those of sponsors, etc.) is safe. But break that spell, and get half a million of them baying for blood and you can forget the deals. You can forget the massive edifice that is world football. Because, like the banking system, the entire thing works on the basis of confidence. World wrestling is fun, but no one believes it is real. If the paying football punters were to become as cynical as the players, not to mention the officers of the governing bodies, the world game would not last a wet week. Stay un-cynical, Ireland fans, and true fans everywhere. Believe, for as long as you can.

This morning I made my throat achy and raw by retching over the toilet for a while, trying to throw up as neatly as possible. Luckily, I managed to not throw up at all, and so went to school despite lingering doubts about my health. If I had swine flu, I’d know, right? From what I hear, it’s a more sudden and violent affliction than this sort of creeping tiredness, nausea, absentmindedness, and headache that I’ve had on and off for weeks now.

I even forgot about tonight’s Billy Bragg concert until about 6:45 this morning, at which point I pretty much decided that I don’t want to go. I hadn’t even remembered to get tickets.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, except that it’s been cold and dark and rainy for weeks now. Summer feels like it passed faster than ever before. It took me a while to realize that I missed the first couple months of sunshine and warmth: Instead, I spent April, May, and June in Melbourne, where it was cold and dark and rainy.

I already had my winter, and am not coping well with another one hitting me again so soon.

Recently I was watching a rerun episode of “3d Rock From The Sun,” a serial science fiction situation comedy which originally aired on NBC from 1996-2001. It starred John Lithgow as (High Commander) Dr. Dick Solomon, Kristen Johnston as (Security Officer, Lt.) Sally Solomon, French Stewart as (Communications Officer) Harry Solomon, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as (Information Officer) Tommy Solomon. The characters they portray have come from another more advanced planet and the hilarity with which they encounter the nuances of behavior on Earth though blunted, is frequently hilarious, and serves as the basis for the zany show.

In this 2d season episode #22, entitled “Will Work For Dick” which originally aired May 4, 1997, Dick’s secretary Nina quits, and Dick hires Harry, whose poor skills become Dick’s source of frustration, while Nina tells Harry to fight back. Meanwhile, to advance her understanding of the human experience, Sally decides to attend a children’s ballet school to re-live the childhood she never had.

As usual, in the summary closing scene, they all are seated upon the roof to reflect upon the day’s events. In this episode Tommy, Harry and Sally are seated on the roof, while Dick joins them shortly.

Sally: Gyp – all I wanted was a normal childhood but Dick just couldn’t let me have one! I felt so humiliated.

Tommy: Hmm… I bet when you looked out into that audience and you didn’t see Dick there that you just felt like your heart was torn out.

Sally: Yeah.

Tommy: Yeah… and you felt betrayed and alone.

S: Uh huh.

T: …and you’ll never trust anyone ever again.

S: Exactly!

T: Yeah. Well, congratulations Sally! You’ve just taken your first step into childhood.

S: I have?

T: Yeah… and now you take all this emotional damage and let it feed your adult neuroses.

Harry: And the best part is that if you ever kill a guy or balloon up to 400 pounds, you get to blame Dick.

Dick: (off screen, and climbing onto the roof) Sally!! Sally… Sally! I am so sorry I missed your recital!

S: Yeah, you did. Umm, thanks, Dick.

Dick: What for?

S: Well, you’ve given the most precious gift of all…. emotional baggage. Thanks.

D: You’re welcome.

S: Now I gotta’ go eat.

D: I’m sorry Harry… I thought I didn’t need anyone. I thought I could do everything by myself. It turns out I was wrong. I do need someone… just not you.

H: Well, it takes a big man to admit that. And I guess it just goes to show you that you can’t work with your family.

T: But technically, we’re not a family. We’re more like coworkers.

D: Well… it goes to show you can’t work with your coworkers.

T: Isn’t that the motto of the Postal Service?

How ironic is it that within this humorous exchange we see the fallacy of blaming others and not accepting responsibility?

Birthed from pain, blame avoids responsibility. The fallacy that we are self-sufficient feeds failure. Yet  our natural tendency to avoid pain curiously drives us toward pain through avoidance of responsibility, which in turn feeds failure and absence.

It’s a vicious cycle. It’s a destructive cycle. But, it’s part and parcel of our shared human experience.

Calling honesty… come in honesty.

Is there anybody out there?

…unless of course he was 4 months old, 12 lbs, perpetually cold, and crazily skinny despite the fact that he’s consistently fed as if he were in the next higher weight bracket.

this weekend i knit mo a sweater.

that’s about all i did, aside from recover from last week, which was pretty crappy. given that, and the terrible weather, i almost skipped out on friday’s trans day of remembrance rally. then i thought to myself, “wait a second, a large part of why i feel so bad is due to ignorance of and hate towards gender and sexual diversity! a rally could be just what i need!”

and it was, in some ways, thought it also made me dwell a lot on depressing things.

the antidote to that was this morning, when oats and i spoke about being queer at a local unitarian youth group: these kids made me feel like being me, being us, being whomever *you* are, is definitely the raddest thing in the world.

Utwory: Galois; Code, Anticode; Reflections; Megrez; Singularity; Redemption’s Way; Komm Süsser Tod, Komm Sel’gel; Rivers Dancing; Srikara Tal; Grace;

Wykonawcy: Trey Gunn – Warr guitar; Sean Reinert – drums; Ron Jarzombek – guitar; Glenn Snelwar – guitar; Sean Malone – bass; gościnnie: John Myung – Chapman Stick

Wydawca: Laser’s Edge

Rok wydania: 1999

Data napisania recenzji: 27.08.06

Subiektywna ocena (od 1 do 10): 8

Widać czasy się zmieniają i dawni gitarowi, i nie tylko, wymiatacze zamiast czarować swoją grą w kapelach metalowych tudzież techno thrashowych czy grających techniczny death metal zakładają zespoły grające czyste fusion (Alex Skolnick Trio) lub kapele z pogranicza fusion, rocka progresywnego czy thrashu (ale raczej z przedrostkiem post-) jak Spastic Ink braci Jarzombek (Ron grający dawniej w techno-thrashowym Watchtower, a Bob w całej masie projektów na czele z zespołem Roba Halforda), który nagrał dwa świetne, pełne technicznych popisów albumy ”Ink Compatibile” i ”Ink Complete”. Do tego grona zalicza się również Gordian Knot, który jest  stricte studyjnym projektem Sean’a Malone’a i Sean’a Reinerta (dawniej przede wszystkim w Cynic), których wspomagają zaproszeni goście na czele ze wspomnianym Ronem Jarzombkiem, Treyem Gunnem czy Johnem Myungiem, których przedstawiać raczej nie trzeba.

Płytę wypełnia blisko godzinna dawka muzycznej “masali” najwyższej próby, pełnej wirtuozerskich popisów, połamańców rytmicznych, a wszystko osadzone gdzieś między czystym fusion a rockiem progresywnym z delikatną domieszką klimatycznych przerywników w postaci ”Galois”, ”Komm Süsser Tod, Komm Sel’ge” czy ”Grace”, któremu blisko do wspólnych ambientowych dokonań Davida Sylviana i Roberta Frippa z czasów ”Gone To Earth”. Świetne ”Code, Anticode” to porywająca, dynamiczna kompozycja z niesamowitymi solówkami, w “Reflections” mroczny riff jest rozjaśniony przez czyste gitary, których partie to wspaniała uczta dla ucha. W ”Singularity” ponownie powraca cięższe riffowanie, muzycznie jest to chyba utwór najbliższy poprzednim projektom muzyków Gordian Knot. Przesycone orientalnym klimatem ”Redemption’s Way” i ”Srikara Tal” są z kolei polem do popisu dla perkusyjnego kunsztu Seana Reinerta. Ozdobą ”Rivers Dancing” jest bez wątpienia porywające gitarowe solo Rona Jarzombka, prawdziwa perełka gitarowej wirtuozerii. Na pewno ewenementem na tej płycie jest jednak udział, aż trzech nominalnych basistów, którzy grają tutaj na Chapman Sticku lub Warr Guitar instrumentach charakterystycznych choćby dla King Crimson i Tony’ego Levina.

Debiut Gordian Knot to naprawdę kawał świetnej muzycznej mieszanki, polecam wszystkim miłośnikom instrumentalnej wirtuozerii, pełnej łamańców rytmicznych, ciekawych melodii i niezwykłego klimatu. Warto przesłuchać, pomimo pojawiającego się czasem wrażenia, że muzyka Gordian Knot to taka trochę, brawurowa a jakże, ale sztuka dla sztuki. Jednak odrobina muzycznego masochizmu wiecznie nienasyconych artystów nikomu nie powinna zaszkodzić.

Autor: Tomek “BlaKcThrone” Jałukowicz

Okay so I decided that I’d do some chapter-by-chapter reviews/summaries of Twilight. I’m a cynic so if you’re a Twilight fan, realize that most of it is tongue and cheek and some of the criticism may depend into nitpickery (probably not a word)

So the book starts with a preface. It’s a little cheesy, but I enjoy it, because I love stuff like this—looking back into the past. However the last line quickly got my attention “The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.” Saunter? It’s like saying “The man whipped out his gun and then waltzed over to the corner” unless the villain is totally batshit it is just weird. Maybe it’ll make more sense as the book continues but for now it’s just jarring.

Okay so Bella Swan is moving to Forks to live with her father. Her parents are divorced and she doesn’t really like her father (who she thinks of as Charlie but calls Dad). The description is all right, just riddled with useless, ripped-from-the-thesaurus adjectives that your elementary school teacher would commend you on. The best line happens after Bella’s mother promises Bella can come back if Forks doesn’t work out, “But I could see the sacrifice in her eyes behind the promise.” Unfortunately we’re then met with one of the worst lines in the chapter, “I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.” Yeaaaaaah, that doesn’t reeeally happen. There’s denial of traumatic events, but I’m pretty sure it’s a myth that unhappy memories are just removed. It’s okay, Meyer. Research is really difficult to do in the 21 century, where virtually everything is on Wikipedia.

The dialogue between Bella and her father, who is a classic married-to-his-job type, is pretty believable and its very easy to get inside her head. We get a short description of Bella—not long, which is good because Meyer’s purple prose gets boring fairly quickly. Basically, she’s extremely average. Let’s continue.
“Once I got around the cafeteria, building three was easy to spot. A large black “3” was painted on a white square on the east corner.” Ergh. Wow, just wow. That’s very poor writing and even worse editing.

The biggest problem I have is that Meyer overstates a lot of things. It’s much more interesting to read a book where not everything is spelled out for you (show, don’t tell). It’s not a massive problem since this isn’t the kind of book you analyze but it does get pretty dull. I guess Meyer figures that the numbskulls who read this book will need it spelled out for them. Hold on, that’s giving her too much credit. I guess Meyer is too freaking stupid to understand literature, so she just spells out what happens so she herself and her readers can figure out the “plot.” ZING

I mean who wants to read, “Bella was bored. Bella was smart. Bella was bored because she was smarter than everyone else.” I mean it just gets boring.

She writes out Jessica’s jealousy, instead of just dropping hints or mentioning it, and goes in depth about how the Cullens are “inhuman.” Err, are we supposed to have figured out Edward Cullen’s secret identity in the first four pages? And how does everyone at school not figure out “durrrr something’s up.”? I mean come freaking on!

Edward Cullen is basically another “kid” at school but he seems disgusted by Bella’s smell. However he’s great looking and every girl has a crush on him and we all know that attractive people can’t be creepsters. He doesn’t date though. Hrm. Strange. “Strange” in that it’s totally not strange at all since I think everyone has pretty much figured out at this stage that Eddie C. isn’t normal. God bless subtlety.

Email is igloomccoy@aim.com

I realised something today.

It’s not the system that’s screwed. It’s the people who’re screwing it and making it worse. Yes, it’s never the circumstance, it’s always what people make it out to be. A random mishap took place today, where the fault I agree was mine.

But it wasn’t something life threatening, and people should realise that. They should come to terms with the fact that what we need are fresh and dynamic minds. Not old, rotting ones that think all the same traditional things everyday and lose themselves if something goes wrong.

We need to be the change instead of expecting it to come from elsewhere.

So to speak, school doesn’t suck. It’s only some absolute lameness present within some people in there that makes the entire process suck worse than god only knows what.

It’s high time people began to just learnt to ‘let go’ of certain things that happened and *could have* stemmed into huge disasters, but DIDN’T!

It’s high time people began appreciating others for what little things they do instead of criticising every thing they do. Whatever maam, I’m only here a little while. And I know you’re loving it that I’m here. It’s just because you know that the more you have of something, the less you value it.

Go ahead, I’ll be gone. Very soon.

Then you’ll have other people to pick on. It’s a vicious cycle. Yet, no. It’s not making you better. It’s just proving your stagnant sense of immaturity.

x EdgyShark x

The reality of things is that things aren’t like on film. You don’t meet someone and instantly fall in love. They’re not gonna be asking you out, and they’re not gonna send you flowers. They’re just gonna make you insane thinking about the possible future, and they’re just gonna have you doubt yourself. I’m sorry for being so cynical, but for fucks sake, show me the perfect relationship, and I’ll shut up! Ok, my grandparents are actually perfect… then show me the perfect man! I kinda think… Am I ever going to meet anyone? Anyone worthy spending more than a night with? Anyone capable of having an intelligent conversation with?

I dunno. I feel a bit rejected today. I’d been gathering my courage over night to ask this guy if he wanted to meet me today, him and me, a bottle of wine and a good film. And he said he had too much work to do. I’ve watched Sex and the City, pal! I know what that means. You’re just not that into me. Meantime this other guy asked me out. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t want to go on a date just for the hell of it. I want to go on a date because I really want to. You know?

I’m just so sick of the whole thing. I promised myself (it’s in my bloody new years resolutions for this year even!) that I’d stay single till the end of my studies. But the guy I spent most of the summer trying to get over kinda changed my point of view. I’m sick of having relationships that last the amount of time it takes to get off. But then again… it is riddiculous. Why on earth would I want an English guy now? I’m determined to move back to Norway in May. And I’ve kept them at bay so far. I guess I’ll just have to suck it up, and lay off till then. Find myself a nice Norwegian…

I wish my film was like a romantic comedy! Not like a drama queen style dokumentary filled with drunkenness and disappointments.

To quote myself in the gym today: “Fuck this shit.”

In modern day dating… Who should do the asking out?

I’ve read The Time-Tested Secrets For Capturing The Heart Of Mr. Right, ok? And in there it says the woman should just play the waiting-game, and wait for the man to bring it. Because, apperantly, men are hunters. And they don’t enjoy their “hunt” much if their prey just lie down in front of them spreading their legs. But sometimes you get tired of waiting! If a guy doesn’t ask you out, does that mean he’s simply just not that into you?

“Evil is present when there is a profound absence of empathy, shame, and goodness.  Empathy involves connectedness to the heart of another and a respect for their personal boundaries.  An evil person is unmoved by the inner world of the other and has no respect for boundaries.  Shame involves an ability to be exposed and disturbed about actual or perceived violation of relationships.  An evil person is unaffected by exposure, so is consequently shameless.” - Bold Love

All this talk about evil may be perking your interest, and you may be wondering how to differentiate between an evil person, a fool and a common sinner.  If only it were that easy.  And if it seems that easy, we should probably concern ourselves with labeling someone something they may not be.  I have been surprised a number of times, but unfortunately it usually isn’t that I thought someone is evil and they turn out not to be.  Quite the contrary.  Although I can be quite a cynic, I have a knack for giving people the benefit of the doubt and hoping the best.  But on more than one occasion I have had to accept that someone I thought may just be a fool or a common sinner is actually evil, or at least significantly bent towards evil.  How did I come to this conclusion?  Through time well spent investigating my own motivations, as well as others, and leaving my mind open to the possibility that people are not at all who they present themselves to be.  Do all those mental aerobics inevitably make me the self-proclaimed cynic?  Probably more than I would like to admit.  But I believe more so that they make me more of a realist with a nose for abuse, which subsequently has helped me to better protect myself and others from some of the abuse that’s being perpetuated. 

So, if it’s not easy, and we need to be exceptionally cautious about casting labels on people, how are we able to come to the conclusions that people are evil, or have a strong bent towards evil?  A place to begin this process is by getting a reading on how shameful/shameless someone is.  I don’t think this idea needs a lot of elaboration.  If you catch someone in their deception, manipulation, violence, sin, and there is no acknowledgement of or remorse for their attitudes and actions, evil is likely at work.  This doesn’t mean that people who don’t have a repentant heart over every “impropriety” in their life are evil people.  Especially considering different people have different definitions of impropriety.  Shoot, most of the teenagers in the youth group I grew up in were considered “little devils” by a number of people in the older generations.  We were even more wicked if we wouldn’t repent for the list of things we had done that some of our elders created in order to keep their ”christian world” under control.  Little did most people realize, the wickedness actually resided in the need for control and was perpetuated by the very people who labeled us teens the ungodly bunch they saw us as.  How can I confirm that?  Because many of us were repenting for things we hadn’t done or shouldn’t have had to repent of to begin with.  But, if we tried to point out the faults in the adults/leaders/system, and the improprieties in how things were being handled, man did people jump down our throats. 

One of the key elements to the presence of evil is in shamelessness.  Many wounded ministers have been tossed out of their ministries by means of a catapult solidly built with crafty lies and cheap shots.  Among a number of things, one thing that is ironic is that the wounded minister, the victim, is often the one who is expected to bear the shame of the wicked things done to him or her, as if the very reason why they are being objectified and treated so inhumanly is their fault to begin with.  This next quote from Bold Love is very important…”An evil person, regularly and masterfully, portrays his motives and behavior as innocent.  Others just do not understand.  He is deceitfully gifted in making the victim of his abuse feel like the perpetrator of the harm.” 

Please be careful church…because the person who’s the scapegoat is rarely the one at the root of the problem.  If you ask enough questions, and open yourself up to the possibility that people may not be who you thought they were, you might just find out that the fire wasn’t thrown out of the building.  It’s actually still burning in the basement…or the pastor’s office…or the pastor’s spouse’s house…or in the elder’s or deacon’s team…or a volunteer youth worker…or a faction of elderly folks…or…or…or.

This page is strictly dedicated to making it easier for you to filter through my crap, to get to the kernels of truth and inspiration.

So basically I have everything in groups of what they are with subgroups, and eventually subgroups of the subgroups until it’s an endless clicking off buttons to find that one small truth that is actually a lie. If you are wondering why I would do this as my first page, well it’s simply because I don’t trust you average humans to actually be able to work the computer and use the buttons on the right side of your screen. So here it is:

My Introduction!

Who am I?

Conversations

Daily Definition

Ideas

Music

Politics (yes i know, one of the things never to bring up)

Religion (Yep, the 2nd one too)

Thoughts (Oh dear deity, that I worship or possibly do so in the future, or have in the past, Forgive me for this one)

All in all this site is going to be under construction for quite sometime, but I will do my best at keeping this up to date, and full of interesting little tid bits. After all, If I don’t who the hell will?

-LokiVash-

No, you don’t get me. You probably won’t also.

I meant running away. Kids my age these days, do run away. Also indulge in a number of other sick things, which I’m not going to discuss. No they’re not drugs. Drugs aren’t even that sinister compared to what these people in and around me, school included, do.

They build up fake trust. I don’t.

I try.

Nup, you don’t know what’s ‘best’. Also, I’d prefer if you got new lines.

You try?

I’m dramatic, is it? Then why is it that I wasn’t put into film school right from the start? At least I could hone myself and wouldn’t be going to the hell-hole that I’m visiting every single day?

Also, FYI, please don’t blame people around me for my ‘conduct’. Because no, it’s not something I “picked” up anywhere. French included.

My principal didn’t just call me an asset. No, because she doesn’t have time to lie to people. It actually means something. I wish people knew and understood that. I wish they knew how some people are deserving, and others aren’t.

But the world sucks, anyhow.

If you only knew that all I need is some trust. No clothes, no shoes. No material nonsense involved. Nothing.

But it’s so hard to even speak something to anyone these days.

x EdgyShark x

Today’s Daily Telegraph has an article, Twitter costs Lord Mandelson’s department £3,175 a year, reporting the UK Department for Business’s calculation of the cost of its employees spent running three Twitter accounts (@bisgovuk, @digitalbritain, @BIS_Science), which have amassed a respectable total of 9,894 followers.

The tone of some of the article is reminiscent of the slightly cynical coverage given recently to a “survey” alleging that Twitter cost the British economy £1.38 billion a year (mentioned in the article; see my post), and also cites the government’s appointment earlier this year of a so-called ‘Twitter Tsar’ or Director of Digital Engagement.

However, at least the article also reports the Department’s view of the value of Twitter:

“We think it is very cost-effective. Twitter is no longer used just by kids. It is a great way of getting our message out to a different audience and it helps us respond to people’s queries quickly.”

(I was slightly concerned that the spokesman apparently believes Twitter was once the preserve of ‘kids’ – until very recently, most surveys showed adults were the major Twitter adopters with teenagers shunning micro-blogging and using texts and Facebook instead.)

Twitter? Tried it, didn’t get it, gave up …

“A cynic is a man who knows the cost of everything, but the value of nothing.” –Oscar Wilde

The revelations follows a question by the Conservative MP Adam Afriyie, shadow minister for science and innovation, according to Wikipedia founder of an IT company and surely bound to be something of a geek…. Not quite.

Yes, @AdamAfriyie started using Twitter in late February and kept up a steady flow of not particularly interesting Tweets – 63 in total – mainly about his meetings and constituency duties through to 6 June. But what is striking about Mr Afriyie’s output is how there was almost nothing useful. It contains no links to information, no retweets and no replies to anyone – indeed, he follows just one other Twitter account (@Tweetminster). That he no longer tweets is probably a relief to his 462 followers (and if we are fixated on Twitter ‘costs’, I calculated his tweets ‘wasted’ the UK taxpayer about £17!).

For the sake of political balance, I looked to see if his Labour opposite number performs any better. Lord Drayson (@lorddrayson) is an altogether more accomplished Twitter user, amassing over 880 tweets to date and over 4,600 followers, with lots of retweets, links and replies to followers. The 488 Twitter accounts that Lord Drayson follows also say a lot about his Parliamentary responsibilities, including social media opinion-formers Mashable, WiredUK and TechCrunch and institutions such as NESTA; he also follows a certain Adam Afriyie….

Well, at least I now know which of these politicians has a firm grasp of the value of Twitter.

i joined f@cebook today, after many years of resistance.  i gave in because i never know about any of the parties or bike rides or even the protests anymore, because i’m in school all the time and no one talks about these things face to face like they used to.  (let alone the old promo techniques from my anarcho-punk-activisty days in toronto… phone trees?  handbills? wheat-paste postering expeditions? what are those?!!)

le sigh: the end of an era.

my original objection to the whole thing was the idea that some corporation would know who my friends are.  then, once my paranoia settled down into the dull background roar that accompanies my everyday life like a really bad musical score, i decided that i just don’t have time for it.  my anonymous pseudonym online life (this one!) has become so very very rich and connected that i didn’t want anything else competing with it:  certainly not friend requests from the kids who bullied me in elementary school, and *definitely* nothing from the ones i went on to bully in high school (bullying creates bullies, let this be a leason to you!).

but i *do* want to get involved with planning the annual anniversary party for the local community bike shop, and i want to know about the potlucks and dance-a-thons and late night bike rides and all the other things that are happening with my friends, and it looks like this is the means to that end.  not participating was not getting me anywhere.

so here i am:  connecting, socially, online, with people who know my face and my real name and where i live.  it still weirds me out, but i’m trying not to think about it too hard.

Feeling depressed about so many things, and frustrated with the apparent path that we (humanity) are taking. I’ve lost faith in the quaint notion that “progress” will carry us forward. As a student of history and theology, I should know better. Looking for small fragments of light in the darkness, and giving thanks for when I see them. “Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” ~ George Carlin

Several years ago I was given a book: The Cynic’s Dictionary, by Aubrey Dillon-Malone.  It is a wonderful collection of alternative definitions . . . “gems of epigrammatic cynicism from some of our greatest wits” (from the inside from cover). And, considering my previous profession (law enforcement), I can really relate to the jaded negativity (of course, I’ve been retired over two years now and am slowly recovering from my own cynicism).

Here are some cynical definitions of cynic and cynicism.  Enjoy!

CYNIC
“Someone who, when he smells a flower, looks for a coffin.” (H.L. Mencken)

“A sentamentalist afraid of himself.” (Lambert Jeffries)

“A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.” (Ambrose Bierce)

“Someone who found out there wasn’t any Santa Claus when he was ten, and is still upset about it.” (James Gould Cozzens)

CYNICISM
“Intellectual dandyism.” (George Meredith)

“The intellectual cripple’s substitute for intelligence.” (Russell Lynes)

“An unpleasant way of telling the truth.” (Lillian Hellman)

Prog Happenings will be a semi-regular summary of the various events that have punctuated the prog landscape recently, as well as some of my thoughts on each. Basically they’re the events that don’t justify an entire post, but are still worth talking about. So without further stalling:

Dream Theater Wins ‘Spirit of Prog’ Award at Classic Rock Awards (http://bit.ly/23iZRW)

This past Monday Classic Rock, a UK hard rock magazine, had their yearly Roll of Honor awards, and Dream Theater was presented with the ‘Spirit of Prog’ award. Yes keyboardist Rick Wakeman presented the award to band leader and drummer Mike Portnoy and had some very high praise of the group during the presentation.

For all the crap I dish out on Mike Portnoy and Dream Theater on this blog, I’m glad they got this award. Without them prog would probably be a dead genre, and Portnoy in particular has done a lot to promote progressive music in the main stream. I personally wouldn’t have ever become enamored with the genre if it wasn’t for Dream Theater, so I think this award is absolutely deserved by the band. This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop ripping them though.

Emerson, Lake, and Palmer Reform for Performance at High Voltage Festival in the UK(http://bit.ly/4hZq83)

ELP, one of the classic prog rock groups that your average music fan might at least recognize the name of if they were alive during the 70’s, will be reforming for one performance at the new High Voltage Festival being held next July in the UK.

Older prog fans are giddy with excitement over this. Personally I’m going to be interested in seeing how the band has aged. While they didn’t stop making music on their own, the group last performed together in the 1990s. I’m predicting that they won’t be lighting any more cannons on stage, MAYBE one if they’re feeling spry. Seriously, Greg Lake is one of my personal prog bass heroes, so I’m praying there will be a recording of this at some point.

Mars Volta Fire Drummer Thomas Pridgen. Maybe. Kind of. Anyone know if this actually happened?

Rumors are flying all over the web right now about the current status of the Mars Volta and their drummer Thomas Pridgen. A recent show was canceled with fans at the venue being told by security that the band had fired their drummer during sound check. The band and Prigden have been totally silent about the rumors thus far, which only adds to the speculation. Fans are fairly split right now on 1) whether or not this is true, 2) whether or not losing Pridgen would be a good or bad thing, and 3) who should take his place (Zach Hill and former drummer Jon Theodore seem to be the most popular choices).

I personally love Pridgen, so I hope these rumors are just that, rumors. That being said, the Mars Volta’s line-up has always been growing and shrinking on the whims of Omar Rodríguez-López and Cedric Bixler-Zavala, so I’m preparing myself mentally for this rumor to be true. I’d love to see Theodore back with the group, as he’s a drummer with great energy, great chops, and a unique style behind the kit. However I’m guessing the door between Theodore and the band has been nailed, screwed, and welded shut, so I don’t expect that reunion to happen any time soon. Keeping my eye on this one…

Between the Buried and Me/Cynic/The Devin Townsend Project/Scale the Summit Announce US Tour (http://bit.ly/8IDu0)

Almost as if to prove that progressive rock is starting to flourish in the US again, fans will be able to feast on this prog smorgasbord starting in January of 2010.  BTBAM have seen an absolutely huge growth in their popularity since appearing as a supporting act on last year’s Progressive Nation tour, large enough that they are headlining this tour that contains two other prog heavyweights, Cynic and Devin Townsend.

Cynic is a band no one in the world knows outside of prog historians, as they recorded one integral album in the history of prog before disbanding. Their reunion was something prog fans have been asking for for over a decade, so the fact that they’re serving as a supporting act here is kind of surprising. Devin Townsend is one of progressive rock’s mad scientists (in fact, I think we ONLY have mad scientists). Some consider him to be a more metal, more more balding, more Canadian Frank Zappa. He’s one of the darlings of the prog online community, and living proof of how the internet has impacted the genre. Scale the Summit is another beneficiary of the Progressive Nation tour, having been the opening act on this past year’s US leg. They’re very young but many people see this as being a good thing, and predict many quality albums in their future as the band continues to mature.

A comical, probably unintentional coincidence on this tour is that it features bands with growling vocals (BTBAM), computerized vocals (Cynic), weird-ass vocals (Devin Townsend), and no vocals (Scale the Summit). If you’re the kind of person who’s bothered when the douche bag next to you at a concert is singing louder than the band, you won’t have any problems on this tour.

Umphrey’s Mcgee S2 Shows Walk The Line Between Progressive and Hippie Bullshit (http://bit.ly/2zNYtv)

Progressive jam band Umphrey’s Mcgee has come up with a very…creative concept for some of their shows. Their “Stew Art Series” lets fans suggest themes that the band then uses as inspiration for a totally improvised concert. Fans can use cue cards, text messaging, and other media to suggest themes before and even during the show, and it’s up to the band to them turn these concepts into music.

While I think this is certainly a ‘progressive’ effort, I’m unsure of whether or not this will actually translate into quality music. UM is absolutely the band to undertake this effort, as I think they’re among the best improv jamers on the planet, but this just seems like an exercise in hippie silliness to me. To be fair I’ve only heard the samples from the first show that the band has provided on their blog, so I don’t know what the overall product has sounded like so far. The list of themes I’ve seen fans come up with have also been fairly entertaining, like ‘mudslide on mars’ and ‘Chaka Khan at an Iron Maiden show’.

Cracked Tells You How to Be a Prog Rocker (http://bit.ly/2FYtec)

While I wanted to cover most of this in the second half of my post on Stereotypes in Prog rock, cracked.com has done a great job in poking fun at the genre I love. Check it out if you want a good laugh. Now I just need to figure out how I can write the second half of that post without looking like I blatantly plagiarized from this…

Thank you!

A ton of people have started reading this blog in the past few days, so I just wanted to say thank you to anyone who stops by. Hopefully you like what you see and will keep coming back to read my bullshit.

From the heart of the south, Atlanta metal band From Exile are one of the few bands out there that refuse to be pigeonholed. Self dubbed as “progressive thrash metal” they truly transcend that, touching nearly every style of melodic metal out there on Monolith, the band’s second full length album. Currently, From Exile is only comprised of two members, and the band is without a label.

Instantaneously when I began playing Monument I knew I was info something interesting. Upon the first guitar chord, my only thoughts were about how horrible the recording/mastering work on this album was going to be. Fortunately, it was just an adjustment/placement issue. Upon further listening, the sound of the album turned out to be the defining factor for the album. When I spoke with Eric (guitars, keys, vocals), he said “it is truly a massive record” – something I was immediately skeptical of. I wish that I could come up with some better way to describe the album as succinctly as Eric, but I can’t. I simply concur, and state: this is one massive record.

More interesting than the sound itself is the styles the band plays in, and the incredible songwriting on the album. Unlike band such as Opeth, metal bands regarded as incredible songwriters, From Exile does not need fifteen minutes to write an incredibly deep and engaging song. The whole album spans only a mere 32 minutes, but is some of the most dense and prolific composing I have heard in such as small time frame. Monolith features a substantial amount of complex guitar work, including guest solos from Eyal Levi and Emil Werstler (of Dååth). Among all the dense and complex musicianship on the album, there is a lot of material I feel as though I have heard before. Not in the sense that it is old and played out, but a warm and familiar way. From Exile have presented many themes from their various influences with a fresh take, almost in a nostalgic way at times.

Easily the most shocking part of the album is the incredible lack of vocals. Amidst the fourth track on the album, “Exhumed”, I realized I had only heard a small handful of vocal lines, none of which were memorable or recognizable, even after a few more listens. At such a short length, the lack of vocals is the biggest downside of the album, though does nothing to lessen the listener experience. In fact, the lack of prominent vocals on the album only solidifies the band in their niche among the “post-metal” and “instrumetal” acts that play off the ambience factor.

Even after sixteen listens through the album, I always run into the same problem: there needs to be more. When the last second of the last track ends, I am not ready or prepared, even given the feel of “In The Faded Silence”. During the album it feels stretched out and that more time has elapsed than really has, but upon finishing the album it is noticeably too short. This is not to say Monolith is an empty or incomplete work. Imagining anything else on this album would ruin it, much like it would ruin Cynic’s Traced in Air to add anything more to its 34 minutes of music. A full and complete work that is compelling enough to deserve more time, but leaves the listener unsatisfied enough to be hooked like a junkie.

Crushing blows followed by majestic and glorious guitar solos, this is most definitely an album that fans of quality shred must hear. For those who are fans of brilliant songwriting, this is also a must hear. For those people who like hook-laden and vocal-centric metal, there is nothing at all here for you. Little to no vocals or obvious hooks can be found on Monolith. When you put this album on, be sure that you have set aside time to listen to it in its entirety, both to do it justice, and because you won’t be able to stop listening until the album is over.

Track picks: “Apparition” and “Veritas”
For fans of: Kris Norris, Dååth, and good quality guitar work
Overall Score: 8 out of 10 devil horns

If this review has piqued your interests, you can but the album from the band’s MySpace page for only $7.

Speaking of books. I just bought this book “My Shit Life so Far”, by Frankie Boyle. Man, you gotta love that title and to be honest I don’t know when I’m gonna the time to actually read it, but maybe it’s enough just to read the first couple of lines in the book:

‘I don’t think anyone can have written an autobiography without at some point thinking “Why would anyone want to know this shit?” I’ve always read them thinking “I don’t want to know where Steve Tyler grew up, just tell me how many groupies he f**ked!”‘

Ha ha this dude is right down my alley!

Get the book here or take a look at his awful website

To let the uninformed in on this awesome news, Between the Buried and Me will be touring with Cynic, Devin Townsend, and Scale the Summit this winter. To have four artists known for pushing the boundaries and delivering amazing albums touring together is almost inconceivable. But it’s happening folks, so get your tickets while you can – this is a once in a lifetime kind of thing that I doubt will happen again. I personally will either be going to the 1/29 or 1/30 show, not sure which one yet.

Assuming I do make it to one of those, the next three months are going to be crazy in terms of concerts. I’ll be seeing Phish at the end of November, Dillinger Escape Plan in December, and the aforementioned BTBAM/Cynic/Devin Townsend/Scale the Summit in January. Can’t ask for a much better three shows than tat.

I also plan to start recording some Static Light material before long. I’ve been very happy lately (pretty much everything in my life is working out the way I want it to), which also means that I haven’t felt as motivated to write music as I normally am. Nevertheless, I do have some good ideas bouncing around that I’m eager to work on.

That’s all for now!