The smell of overdone cologne
The endless herds of khakied clones
Overhead the sound of bombs
Across the street more stressed out moms

Along the way my awareness raised
To this sterile, somber, soulless place
At each turn a new neon name
Inside its walls more of the same

In the shadow of Walt’s flagship land
I pass out reaching begging hands
A desperate plea for just a meal
Their draw in life a crappy deal

Empty pockets in the land of Disney
Another way for God to trick me
Or maybe just so I’ll remember
This dreary walk on twenty-nine November

*Inside its walls, Disneyland is known as the happiest place on Earth.  But outside its walls, Anaheim is a pretty uninspiring and depressing place.

sometimes i do doubt myself, though, because most of my girlfriends (who’s been in far more relationships than i have been) tell me guys lose interest the second you admit to them that you’ve taken some sort of liking in them. i’ve been thinking about this a lot, and i realized i can do away with all those games. all of them. i’ve gotten into a lot of “trouble” in the past because of my bluntness with guys, but honestly, i don’t regret one bit of it. to the guys who i’ve “scared” away because i metaphorically have more pairs of balls than you do: your loss, and i’d rather you not be in my life anyway.

q

But enough apologizing.
That was one of my New Year’s resolutions after all.

My real purpose for being here tonight is so I can
VENT
about a TV show that I have been going back to
week-after-week
like an abusive relationship
(is that bad to say?)

I introduce to you:

The Following

Starring:

Kevin Bacon,

that one lady from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,

(The Ice Capades are in Town?)

and an extra from Revenge.

In theory,
this show should be amazing.
It has an interesting literary/metaphor plot,
the actors aren’t too shabby,
and I mean,
Kevin Bacon.

But all-in-all
the only thing I can say about this show
is a resounding

WHAT THE HELL?

As I said,
I keep going back week-after-week
and the show is awful.
Not like guilty pleasure, Vampire Diaries, awful
But really, truly
BLEH.

I mean, is it too much to ask for an actual story to develop.

Yes?

K.

I can’t deal anymore, but I’m so committed, I don’t think I can quit.
(Remember what I said about that relationship?)

Am I the only one that watches this show?
What awful shows can you not get enough of?

Until Next Time, xo

I’m back on the blogging grind.

]]> http://thecynicalreview.wordpress.com/2013/04/23/introduction/ Wed, 24 Apr 2013 01:55:26 +0000 thecynicalreview http://thecynicalreview.wordpress.com/2013/04/23/introduction/ Photo Courtesy of Jeffrey Liu Photography

I want you to meet two girls, Q and V. We are two smart, witty, pretty, creative and ambitious girls ladies who went to prestigious colleges. However, somehow we keep meeting “those” kind of guys that make us want to blog about and teach other girls to not make the same mistakes. 

NYC men has made us cynical, and we are here to tell you how and why. And, yet, we are still out there looking for “the one” as if we have never been hurt before.

cynically yours,
<3 V

Warning, it is a lot of text. If you do not like reading… there are pictures. If you only want to read a little.. you are allowed to skip.. Whatever you decide to do, enjoy!

Love is…

People want to be loved. It’s universal. Someone special who gives you comfort, makes you feel good about yourself and makes your world just a little bit brighter.

I am a romantic. I blame all those damn movies for it. “Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy is an arse but we will forgive him at some point. Just because he has this vulnerable part in him that we did not saw at the beginning. They grow more towards each other and end up being madly in love”.

Feel good movies they call it. The kind of movies with relationships we all envy.  I am totally aware that I should not see this as a standard (I mean.. come on, not one fight?!) But deep down we all dream of someone who makes us feel just like in the movies.

But it is a long road to love.

Dating

It can be wonderful or disastrous. You meet someone you think is worth the interest. You chat, exchange numbers and a week later you sit in this restaurant questioning yourself where did it go wrong?

Besides the handsome face he has no chat. And in this candlelight his face is not even so nice anymore. Awkward silences, rude comments and if he laughs one more time like a seal.. I do not know if I can keep myself under control.

Or the type of guy everyone likes but you just do not seem to get it. You see why he is nice and all. Probably good boyfriend material. Only the great BANG is missing.

Desperately looking for a match to light the fireworks. But it will never go off. Not under any circumstances, ever. Nothing is more nerve-racking as a first (disaster) date.

Not to speak about the date evaluation with your friends.

• “Yeah he was nice and all, BUT….”
• “At some point he said this and that but he actually meant….”
• “The whole evening he talked about getting back with his ex, but he is really into me..”
• “He wore white socks, do I need to say more?”

Clearly we are very realistic beings.

6-month-rule

Nevertheless, if we are lucky we have a wonderful date. After the first date we go on for the second and look at the time, we are dating for 6 months! Yet, another crucial point.

The honeymoon-phase faded a little. You know the person across the table better now. The things that were so attractive at first are getting annoying at this point. The fact that he thought differently than you was so exciting. Now it is like we cannot agree on anything.

His idea of fun is sitting on the couch and watch die-hard for the millionth time. But when you suggest watching one of your dorky movies he cannot be assed.

Looking at the other end of the couch, you get this nervous feeling in your stomach. You cannot picture yourself in a life long relationship with this person. For some reason the “is-this-it?” question keeps popping up in your mind.

So lets face it, we had a great time together but there is no future in us.

Break-up

Some people never face the six-months stage. They go directly to the matching Facebook status.  Everyone keeps telling them they are so great together.

Another phenomenon is the couple that have been together for a lifetime. We do not know any better than so & so being inseparable. And we are all waiting for the wedding invites to arrive.

They all know how to shock us when the Facebook-status mysteriously changes to “single”. The whole world wants to know what went wrong. “And to be honest, I always thought he was a douchbag”.

The next week your best friend starts texting him. She dates him behind your back, and a month later you see the happy-couple’s photo on instagram.  C’est la vie!

Freedom

We have this problem because we are always on this voyage of discovery searching for the best. Sky is the limited. We are able to explore what kind of partner we want. We have choices. And when we have choices it gets complicated.

It’s a luxury problem of restless people. We do not find comfort in anything. The grass always seems greener on the other side and the neighbour looks smoking hot today…

Then again with so many options why should we settle for the first thing we see? I do not like to fight so I just end my relationship and look for a new boyfriend.

Some of us just got restless. We only want bigger, better, shinier, newer, younger etc. We do not put effort in love anymore and just exchange the old with a cooler version. Just because we can. Or because of the fact we settled to soon and now we doubt our decision. Like when you bought a shirt and when you come home and you are not sure if the other colour you have tried on was a better decision.

True romance

Still, there are parts in the world where they do not have so much freedom. A relationship is not about romance. It’s about having a clear view on a stable life. Or it is a good addition for the family. An arranged marriage makes you have to go with what you get.

I lived in India for 6 months with my family where we met this married man. He was married to the woman he loved. In India it is tradition that a marriage is pre-set. The family looks for a good man who is in the same position of the hierarchical system as your relatives.  Anyone who is beneath this position cannot marry the other person.

The man we met was beneath the system of his wife. The woman’s family disapproved their relationship and they already found a man who she could marry.  But the young couple was in love. So despite of what their families said they chose for each other. This had led to the fact that the woman never saw her family again. She disrespected them when she chose to be with the love of her life.

That is what I call true romance. Do not get me wrong. It had not been easy for them. But despite everything what had happened to them they stayed together. Like all the vows say through good and bad times. They did not need to see if there was someone out there who might have been a better match. They chose for each other, for a lifetime.

If you have limited options there is no freedom to make a mistake. You have to be totally sure about the statement that you are about to make. The couple chose to be together even after knowing the consequences. They probably would not have taking the risk if they were not sure about their love for each other.

Conclusion

So I might make fun of the whole road to love process. And maybe I am being cynical sometimes. But I do think people settle to soon and give up too quickly. Exceptions there of course. And sometimes a relationship is not even worth saving anymore. Then it is only fair to put an end to it.

Anyways, I am only 21. What do I know about love? I should have studied in the time I was typing this blog. And you deserve a medal if you read all my rubbish.

So to conclude, I only want to say to the people in a good relationship.. You are lucky & appreciate every precious moment of it!

And to all the single people… THE SUMMER IS COMING UP! We are far too young to be in a serious relationship we should enjoy the time we have without having any responsibilities. Get those shorts out, go on disaster dates and enjoy every minute telling your friends about it!

And in the process we learn what we like and what we do not in a partner. So take notes and make sure you will find your true love someday. And promise me, when you do, go for it. Fall completely head over heals in love so someday I can tell people what true love should be like. Just like they did in India.

CHEERS!

Puck

It is a collection of humorous, absurdist, cynical stories, and I have put pretty much a year of my life into writing and editing it, so step right up and give it a try!

Like I say, it’s free, so that’s considerably less than the price of a cup of coffee!

Amazon UK

Amazon US

The so called Truth, is it really something that liberates us? The truth that is spelled with a capital T, is true? What is true? So what i tell you face to face i was true, does it mean i am still true the next moment? How do you know?

What does it make of me even if i do get a truth? That you truly was true to me? Does it matter? It doesn’t right? Because ultimately the moment pass, the truth will be gone, neither would it stay eternally anywhere. Memories? Memories are tinted with our desires my dear, our desires of what we want. You see what you want to believe, you remember what make you, you keep them because they changed you but it doesn’t mean they are real or true. No one cares about the truth, no one. Just because we put in our mouth that we are persistent about knowing the truth to everything we can know it doesn’t mean we are sincerely concerned about it. We never truly concerned, cos eventually there isn’t anything you cannot let go. There isn’t any person on earth you cant live without, there isn’t any truth you can’t live without, life passes on and on. Whether it be true or not, we die one day, we lie another day, we hide sometimes, we avoid and rather not be true. What irony we ourselves are. We seek but we hide.

Take flight and glide along as they sail across the ocean
Barely move their wings in their powerful effortless motion
Fearless as they plunge head first for their next meal
Not too long ago their extinction was quite real

Lesson in survival and perfect evolution
Even though mankind can’t stop with the pollution
After all we’ve done its surprising they will trust
In their hearts they know they have no enemies but us

*this one is about……..pelicans.

You can step outside, smile and wave but close the door and behave
When rules are broken, all is lost, consequences very grave
Watch the natives laugh and play, more fun and games on tap today
The dogs will cheer and the fire will burn, just in time for the next one’s turn
A glimpse of blue but it disappears, more somber weather reappears
Just close your eyes and go to sleep for in a few hours nighttime nears

Now that you’re all out of rope, the morning Sun brings with it hope
A new day dawning, for this you’re yearning, but deep inside the fire burning
The positivity turns to bleak, enduring yet another week
Remember its just a test to pass
Until then, you’re trapped in glass

*This one is loosely based on a thought I had of an iguana in an aquarium looking out onto the world.  But then it is also written from the perspective of a person who is just watching life happen, but is afraid to enjoy it themselves.  It sort of bounces between perspectives, but the general gist is that this reality is the person/iguana’s karma and they just must endure it.

*inspired by the Scientology tonal scale chart.  There’s one level where a person is said to be “cells alive”, meaning that’s all they really have going for themselves….otherwise they are dead.

My “friends with benefits tried to smooth things over a day after I broke things off with my older guy. I told him that there is no way that he transformed from a pure-bread douchebag in the last few months since I had seen him.

Men are fuckers!

We live in a cold, miserable world. Yes, good things happen occasionally and we are responsible for making those ‘good’ things occur. However, we are all out for ourselves. We are, or should be, selfish, goal driven individuals with a ‘screw everyone and everything that doesn’t help me’ outlook. Yes, It is pretty obvious I am bitter. I would say I’m just a realist. I’ve seen how the world works. Don’t get me wrong, I would love it if we all sat in a massive circle and sang ‘Kumbaya’ and all the world’s problems magically disappeared. Unfortunately that isn’t going to happen.

The world will always be as it is. A ‘balance of power’ between everything from states to individuals to the family of possums living in my backyard (Bastards!). In accepting this as fact, I’ve drastically changed my personal outlook on life. Now, instead of expecting the world to be a happy, fun magical lala land, I’ve taken it upon myself to either see or create the little moments of joy which make everything worthwhile. The old couple dancing in the street to a busker, A man playing the violin at midnight, a puppy running in circles like a retard.

I am aiming for this blog to be about finding those little moments which make us smile. Fair warning, I will also rant/rave about anything which irks me on the particular day also.

I get to this point every so often that I am exceptionally cynical. I burst people’s bubbles and I slap people in the face with reality (most are not fond of this.) I love these periods because when I behave this way, it’s almost as if someone shuts off my emotions and I see things so clearly. The things I see and the way I see them are typically sad, but it’s almost as if I am numb to it. It’s an odd experience, yet I love it. I always try to find ways to keep myself in this state, but it eventually wears off and I return to normal.

I suppose I am a person who spends a lot of her time worrying and caring for others. I am always trying to please. Whether it be my friends, boyfriend, or even my teachers. I hate letting people down, and I strive for perfection. I always feel like I care way more about people than they do me. I have always wanted people in my life to care just as much as me. Yet, when I am in this mode of numbness, I don’t care. That is what I want, to not care, to not feel the everyday rejection of having people not care as much as you.

I suppose it isn’t healthy to not care. The thing I find somewhat hilarious is that when I don’t care, other people seem to care more. Why do we do this? Why do we take for granted the people that treat us well? Only when they don’t give us that attention, do we recognize them.

I always have trust issues though, due to multiple betrayals in my life. I know they need to be worked on, but I find myself always questioning. 

I find it interesting that the people that comment about my personality, are usually the sarcastic and cynical ones themselves – do we just share a mutual bond of misplaced self-pity or what?

I think there is a misunderstanding between the meaning of sarcasm and irony. In my opinion they are very different things, though most of the times they are used together. Irony is just a sharp bladed knife that is neither good nor bad in itself. It’s just a powerful tool. Sarcasm, however is the act of using that tool with the intention of hurting someone. I like irony and I use it a lot, but I hate sarcasm. I get it all the time and I used to smile on it, but every sarcastic comment being told to me just decreases my respect level towards that person. In my experience, the most sarcastic people are the ones with the most serious self-esteem issues.

Oh, and what gets me the most is that people that don’t know me think I’m nice. I find that very strange and I just can’t work that one out. And even when I blatantly don’t like people, they still want to be my friend. I think I might come across as nice to people I don’t know, which is weird, because the people that know me think I’m very cynical, sarcastic and pessimistic and judgmental. I’m not an outright mean and horrible person on the outside, which I find odd as it contradicts my true personality.

So I guess the question is, are my cynical, sarcastic and pessimistic (even though I’m not actually sad) ways something worth addressing or have I just been watching too much House? If I’m fine with who I am, does it matter who I am?

Well I guess I am sarcastic because that is my humor, I like comedians like Doug Stanhope, Bill Maher and C.K Louis. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I don’t know who to effectively communicate with others, or I am so award in social situations that I don’t know how to be “normal” I have always been shy and kind if awkward, but I thought that I grew out of it and I thought I was a better communicator for it!

One point to make, however, is that those of us who do not enjoy sarcasm are often perceived as people who do not get sarcasm. On the contrary, we understand the joke. We get the humor. We catch the sarcasm. We just don’t particularly find it…funny. It’s one thing to know something as humor. It’s another to make me laugh. While there are many people who are oblivious to sarcasm, the sarcastic types among us need to really understand that, as others have mentioned, sarcasm can cut like a knife. It does have a negative tone to it. Language studies may suggest that sarcasm attenuates this negativity, but the attenuation is subjective. The lessening of its effect seems to benefit you and not the target of the sarcasm. Perhaps it hints at a greater level of insecurity, this lack of sincerity in American culture we have fostered.

I guess I could say that sarcasm allows people to never truly assert that which they stand for, for fear that they’ll open themselves up for criticism and/or inadequacy. They never have to admit to themselves that “I’m not perfect”. For if they were ever to be stripped of this feeling of superiority, they somehow feel that life may crash down around them.

Ok, so I have to throw this out there. There are something’s that people have that I want, such as a good body, a boyfriend, a nice car, ect. At times I am sarcastic because I am jealous of those things that people have. I know that these are things that I can change about me or my life situation the only way to express myself is to be too cynical because that is an easy out to the anger that I feel because I am not skinny, I  am not in a relationship, and my car is sub-par! But I think that is more of a defense mechanism or I may be just very, very, very, insecure!

One might say that it’s a state of mindset. I may be influenced, somehow, by any form of media, but my attitude and outlook in life is all up to me, I guess? It’s all up to me if I want to be a positive or a negative person. No one else can help me except me.

“Honey,” my grandmother says to me the other day. “The first marriage is always that hardest”.

I’m 28, have a seven year old boy and am divorced. Marrying young, having a child and watching my relationship deteriorate over the course of 8 and a half years, I’ve lived a lifetime before 30 years old. My close friends are still single I feel myself detach from my past and fell right back into where I left off. In the world of being young and looking for Mr. Right while still trying to establish themselves professionally. I get the bonus of being a single-mother. Which make my life worth living but does make things a little more complex.

Yes, I have “baggage”. I’m not the same as I was before. I am mother.

I am a warrior, and I have scars to prove it. I have overcome a lot, nothing surprises me or scares me. However I am haunted but I feel more-so, GLORIOUS.

Divorce is, a huge hassle and endeavor. I know this, I have been struggling through the emotional rollercoaster of that last eight months when I filed for divorce. My story was sad for a long time but I have learned and grown. The moral of the story is: if someone shows you who they are, listen.

Divorce in your late twenties-
You still have your health, energy, spark and your youth. My body image has sky rocketed I finally realize that I am “pretty”
yet I have my periods of self-loathing.

It also happens, that divorce is
my job. Well, I assist in the process. I am a legal assistant for a very successful divorce attorney. I hear some very sad stories. I’ve grown accustomed to trying to be comforting, yet professional when full grown men are sobbing. It makes you look at the whole institution of divorce very objectively. Mix that with the fact that I a deep feeling person and you have quite the cocktail.

So lets lift our glasses!

To having the chance of being happy again, ditching that asshole, and finding a better one!

You lied about where we’re going
and all the things we’re doing
beautiful things we’re viewing
more untruths you’re spewing

I let you lure me to the desert
promise me the Moon
left me in the cold
like some bumbling buffoon
spent my whole day driving
entire time left searching
did you even care what I was feeling?
oh your true colors you’re revealing

You lying fucking bitch
now you got my attention
give me a few more seconds
and I’ll figure out the connection

*the little girl is the Universe and this is just a metaphor for how sometimes you end up doing things for what you think is one reason, but it ends up being something entirely different when its all said and done.

To try and invent a cause

They test once, twice, thrice and nod

It’s this, it’s that- Rules and Laws

Smile- go on- it’s all fine

Not any problem at all

White coats foretell, quite benign

You’re safe with us. You won’t fall!

Pushed out   Bathed in septic bleach

The whitewash walls wish you well

Farewell you who preach

I go to my fatal hell.