Hey All – hope you had a great New Year.  I was unfortunately sick, hopefully this does not indicate how this year will go.  I have this sinus thing, and all I’ve gone is try not to breathe so hard through my nose.  I bought a humidifier, looks like a penguin, and am running it all night long.  I’ve also tried laying with some pillows so I’m not so flat, but that just hurt my neck.  I also  tried closing my door, that might help.  So, I figured I tried all kinds of combination of things, so far nothing but really good drugs are doing the trick. So, tonight I will try the no heat, humidifier on and door closed…maybe tonight will be the night I sleep through the night.  One can only hope.

Other than that, Cuz Fest is stalling, who knew I was supposed to write a report status?!?!  When did that happen?  The Chairperson wants a report, would be funny if I wrote a 15 page report (with graphs) and handed it in…wait, that would be funny…hmmmm, something to do over the weekend.

Other than that, made out like a bandit from Christmas.  Filled my kitchen with the Magic Bullet (as seen on TV), I will need to buy some frozen fruit and begin making smoothies for breakfast and take it in for work.  Eating (somewhat)  healthy and will begin eating/drinking breakfast, better than nothing.

I also got this really cool toaster oven.  I thought my friends would get me the small one that’s the size of a loaf of bread, but they got me this huge digital toaster oven.  It has a toast setting and bagel setting.  It’s big enough for a 12 inch pizza to cook, and has a pizza button.  It’s pretty cool.

What else?  I got  rice cooker (non-stick).  The other one I got from Cousin Dan is now all scratched up on the bottom because I was using it more and more.  So, now I have a non-stick one.  Woo hoo.

I bought myself a crock pot.  Pretty cool.  Better than letting thing stew on the stove.

To round off my presents, I am ordering a Fry Daddy and vacuum from work.  I did not use my present from last year, so now I have two to use.  Yes,  a Fry Daddy, probably will not use it too often, but there was really nothing else I wanted in to booklet.  And yes, I want another vacuum cleaner.  It really would be easier to have one upstairs and one downstairs, it’s so I don’t have to lug it up and down the stairs.

Hmmm, what else??  I bought myself a printer/scanner/copier, and Office software, but no computer.  I got myself a nifty cross-cut shredder.  Can’t wait to use it.  It’ll even shred CDs. DVDs and credit cards.  Woo Hoo.  Don’t have to worry so much about identity theft, it’ll not be easy to piece my mail together…ha ha ha (evil laugh) ha ha {cough} {cough}  okay no more evil laughing while I am hacking up another lung.

Of course, I got a bunch of other stuff, but those are the big big ones.

Well, I think I got caught up…my life stands still while I am sick.  Hopefully this weekend I can  get some work done and order my computer on-line.  I am beginning to get cold feet about it.  Not that I don’t want one, just a matter that it’s soooo much money.  {sigh}  Gotta bite the bullet sometime.

Slept in a bit longer than I intended to, and spent most of the early afternoon looking over my revision notes/slideshows for TNS, but without much success. Ended up organising the folders and such but taking very little in. Will leave the tests for another day when I feel more confident. It’s all stuff I know, I’ve just gone a bit rusty over the holidays. Wish we could’ve done them in term time – although perhaps that’s the point.

Didn’t do a whole lot else – watched the news a lot, reporting on the heavy snow up north and how it is coming our way. Lots of talk from Manchester of the snow up there. Kind of gutted to be missing it, and now rather concerned it will bugger up my plans to head back north on Friday. Time will tell.

Meanwhile I popped to Tesco for some milk and snacks before the weather turned, taking a long, spidery route to and from the shops to enjoy the cold air. I do love walking when it’s cold and dry out. By the time I returned I could feel the odd ice crystal in the air on my face, and soon after I got in the snow had started to fall.

Spent a few hours in the evening playing Red Alert 2 skirmishes to much amusement. As you’d expect from a sequel, it has everything I love about the original but more and better – and given that it was originally released ten years ago, it runs perfectly on my new netbook. The netbook continues to surprise me. I’m using it now, for example, and it doesn’t struggle with much. Downloaded iPlayer programmes push the n280 CPU to the limits, and I need to turn Asus’ ‘Hybrid Engine’ overclocking up to ’super performance’ to get a just-about-smooth framerate. Otherwise, everything works as I would wish it to.

I’m using the netbook a lot too – mainly to get used to it, but increasingly as it is preferable. Where I had expected the netbook to be a flimsy, portable device and my Mac to remain a solid, primary computer, increasingly I’m turning to the netbook as it is more than powerful enough for my needs, the battery is happy to chug on for over four hours (it’s only got a 3-cell battery to save on space and weight), and my Mac feels rather bulky and the screen seems to large even! Crazy. I think the netbook use will see me overhaul my Mac use – streamlining the operation to keep the Mac feeling fresh, for example. The Mac will remain a workhorse for big tasks like video editing and photo management, but for everyday functions, I am increasingly learning new methods for doing what I want to do.

In other geeky news, I have obtained from mum her old camera – a simple 5MP point and shoot, but it’s very compact, and is an acceptable backup to sling in my bag in case I don’t have my main camera. Well, it will be if she can find the battery charger. Be a handy backup to have though.

Looking forward to my return to Manchester more and more now. Seeing lots of Manchester on tv, either about the snow, or some Michael Portillo show about railways where he visits Portland Street and the John Rylands Library. And just looking forward to being back in my house. Playing Mario Kart. Enjoying the space. And getting Manchester Daily Photo up and running again! Not that it’s been down, but I’m very eager to get up to date photos on there, not least because I’ve missed out on all the winter/Christmas/New Year stuff.

As I say, I’m keeping an eye on the weather: I’m due to return on Friday, but any extreme weather here, in London, along the way, or in Manchester will delay or postpone this trip, so I’m not counting my chickens just yet. I don’t particularly need to be back until next Tuesday anyway, so I’ve plenty of time to let the weather do its thing. Fingers crossed though, as I’m getting more and more eager to return.

I didn’t like today now I look back on it. It was just plain awkward, and I spent all of the morning feeling physically sick. Yeah I will complain about it because I don’t like feeling like it. I can’t keep anything down now and it’s scary. I really am hoping it’s bad stress and that when things finally calm down I’ll be better because I am beginning to feel really weak. I’m trying to put a brave face on at college, and I don’t know how it’s coming across, but I had a good distraction for some of it today with Sam, Simon, Lawrence and the rest of the FD gang, they at least cheered me up for a bit of it. It’s just difficult sometimes I guess.

It wasn’t so bad by the afternoon though, personal tutor wasn’t in so we had someone else who I knew and we did this weird game instead which actually was a lot of fun and made me smile lots. I left James with the “Fresh Start” cake. I wasn’t feeling being in the social zone and the smell of food makes me nauseous so I let the gang have it with my little New Start message. And like I posted earlier I started re-organising deadlines and stuff so I am building up steps to get out of the mess I am in. Plus I had fun helping out the FD’s and feeling useful so it’s all good. I know people mean well not giving me responsibilities so I can calm down but it actually helps to have distractions.

I tried to eat when I came back too after nagging from Sammi and Stacey. Love you both lots. I did try but didn’t get much eaten at all and now feel sick again But I am trying so please don’t hate me yeah? It’s tough that’s all – but advantage I am still losing weight, haha, maybe soon I won’t look like a monster. And I am a bit depressed now I can’t find my charm bracelet. Sorry this blog is depressing I’m just so tired and stressed right now Won’t go into details but gahh people call at inappropriate times and kill the mask

Love you lots x x

[edit]

2:46AM.

All of a sudden, i thought of a real, important resolution for this new year.

Start to feel that being copied is a form of FLATTERY instead of getting pretty darn MAD about it.

[/edit]

Was so bored at home so i decided to go out and get some stuffs for myself. Wanted to try out Shills-Dust it for a very long time and finally bought it. It really is amazing, but at the same time it makes your hair feels like you have styled it with gel/hairspray when it’s only powder.

Nonetheless, it makes you look good so why not

Bought this pink sponge too. I don’t use foundation but it’s cute! Could be useful to create nude lip effect though

(Not all are from sasa)

Look. It’s all pink. And it wasn’t even on purpose. Anyway, i’ve looked for the lipstick for a rather long time already. Other than nude lipstick, i also love Barbie Pink/Dolly Pink lipstick (matt) and i’ve finally found it!

Okay that’s it! I’m going to Chenqi’s house tomorrow to accompany her bake then off to Bugis to get my magazines.

Bye everyone!

*craving for macdonalds*

Okay so sat in lesson today, all day, and actually nearly finished today’s classwork. Granted I didn’t completely but I did try. I was also honest when Cinderella asked what work I had done for her – nothing – and what I still owed for others. – Everything – and so I have a new deadline for the Scriptwriting For Radio assignment. Proposals by the end of the week, and I might be able to get the script for the prose one done too as I know what prose I want to do and already did the script once but lost the work. *Sad face* She also said about sorting out deadlines for Sleeping Beauty and Little Mermaid so shall do that too but I guess the big big list of things to do is not so scary now so I might actually do it.

Apart from that college was a little stressful but okay, although I really am not myself. By the end of the day I was okay, until literally the last 5 minutes but couldn’t expect perfection I guess. I am trying really hard. I went from feeling very self-conscious this morning to just a bit self-conscious and there were hints of my old self with two people in my class. The only downside is I chickened out at the end of the day and hid upstairs avoiding someone. Grown up I know but couldn’t face them today but I eventually went down and sang with Nat on Singstar for a bit. 98% both if us on Medium mode We’re getting goooood

We went shopping after, bought stuff to make a cake, which I admit looks bad but hopefully shall taste good and it was fun making it with Nat. I miss fun stuff so we all definitely need to have more fun together. Oh also forgot to add Sleeping Beauty said Andrew wrote a good report on my work experience but we’re talking about it tomorrow so I shall post then.

Love you all lots x x

Went to eat Sakae Sushi for dinner (Don’t really like SakaeS, Suki Sushi is like a thousand times better) and we tried ordering this new dish. I forgot the name but it’s Salmon and it looks nothing like the picture in the Menu and worst is, it tastes like lime+lemon+vinegar+wrinkled fish skin+rotten banana+Vomit all together .

Yes this is the culprit. Don’t Order It!!!

So.. i did my nails just today in the afternoon and this time, i settled for something sweet and simple.

Pink overall with a floral ribbon only on my thumb. (I made the ribbon myself; it’s really simple.)

I know the previous one only lasted for a few days… but my itchy fingers LOVE to pluck and fiddle with the 3D fruits so, at least the current one has nothing for me to pluck

Ok lastly,

My piggies~ This little sweetheart here is SnowWhite.

And they are soooooooooooooo cute, cuter and cuter everyday! And they LOVE each other, see~

Their little love story.

It is first monday of new year when I decide to have different mind.
I heard a news that It was heavy snow around Seoul so there were a lot of problems like traffic.
Otherwise, It was heavy rainy in Busan. I was a little gloomy because I hate wet my stuffs.
Anyway, It was the first day of TOEFL lecture and Conversation class.
At morning, I was little nervous and tried to start a week happily.
Teachers are women and have great English pronounciation. I like that.
Also they looks like full of energy. Because every students don’t have books, they gave us printed papers.
First class was reading part. It seems like that TOEFL needs difficult and variety words.
And arrange of topic is more wide than TOEIC so I have to learn many useful words.
We didn’t have much time so we had short dictations. It was a little difficult for me.
I was really impressed speaking teacher’s pronounciation. It makes me confusion.
It seems like playing English tape as nativespeaker.
We wrote about the most important decision and a good parent. Writing class needs much time.
When I went to school, It wasn’t rainy but after class, It was raining outside.
Fortunatily, I got an umbrella. It was strong windy. So my umbrella almost got broken.
I need a strong umbrella. kkkkkkkkkkkk

I feel some sleep. but I have to read books and find some interesting articles for next class.

SEEYA ^*^

好想你。。

Tomorrow (or, today if we get semantical) is the true beginnings of a new year. People are back to work, life is back to normal, and the holidays officially become a thing of the past. Seeing as how tomorrow is a true beginning, I should really be in bed asleep now; after all, my normal days start at 6AM—four hours from now. And tomorrow is a busy day. I have the dentist in the morning and then a trip to either doctor or A&E; depending upon where they think I should go. I also have a house to clean and Christmas decorations to get ready for storage… decorations that should have been up yesterday or today, but got postponed.

Because you see, I’ve been having a problem; a chest problem to be exact. Pains and tightness in my chest, constriction of my breathing, numbness in my arm—all signs of a heart attack. A few times—always inopportune—its gotten a bit scary. Like on New Year’s Day in the middle of cooking. Mick entered the kitchen bringing his sharp tones and when he left, I actually felt I was having a heart attack right then. Had I not been cooking dinner, I’d have probably gone to A&E. But I was, so I didn’t, and it passed. Yesterday was more tightness, but it was manageable. Today, I’ve pretty much vegged on the couch when I wasn’t packing a “just in case” bag; telling Mick that I don’t think it’s my heart, wondering secretly if it is. Can stress reach such saturation that it makes one feel like their heart is attacking them? If so, then maybe this is stress—stress certainly makes more sense.

What a strange way to start a new year. In every way possible, these holidays have been disasterous. In fact, I would go as far as to say that they have been the worst I can remember. I certainly have absolutely no desire to repeat this experience ever… again… in… my… life. And, if it is my heart attacking me (and it probably isn’t), then I have even more reason to say ix-nay on the replay.

Anyway, we’ll see what happens. It’s time for me to get at least a bit of sleep—the real world hits like the iceburg against the Titanic tomorrow; and I’m not even ready for it!

Bright Blessings,

Jake xx

Haha, I have just realised I was putting 2009 instead of 2010… little editing me thinks. Okay today? Well I wrote a little note to the ex asking us to be friends, not had a response yet so I am going to go with that’s a no… which is quite sad as we were really close as friends. I sat down and made the big list of work to do, and pretty much regret it as I realise I am quite behind now, but hey little hard work and some support I shall get it done.

Apart from that today has been pretty slow. I disappeared for some shopping earlier, bought myself a nice new lipgloss and some candles. The candles smell gorgeous and are already chilling me out which is really good right now. Although I am now very sleepy so the college work isnt going so well, but that’s more down to the not eating properly so tired, but I did manage a doughnut today. Granted I feel sick as a dog right now and a doughnut is hardly the best thing to eat, but it was some sugar in my blood and I stopped feeling as weak as I felt.

Tomorrow is college and I have to admit I am actually a little nervous. I don’t feel myself still and I feel like I am rushing to get back to normal before I am ready, but at the same time I do have some wonderful friends so maybe things will be okay if I stay honest with them on how I am feeling. But I have sorted clothes for tomorrow, my makeup, so at least I can go in with my head held a little higher, even if I am not quite up there with the giraffes again.

Love you lots x x

Today I’ve begun putting my life back in order, and okay some tears today over some silly things but I think I am getting there. Sticking with my resolutions I’ve cleaned out the junk, made myself a new routine which I will stick to and begun to organise new things to do with friends. Yes, I am putting the horrible events of a month ago behind me and starting afresh.

Although ironically my body does not wish to communicate. I’m finding it very hard to eat at the moment and when I do I feel really sick. I guess I just have some way to go before I am better in mind and body but I am trying and I did manage to eat a little today. If I keep it up I should be fine, just need to work on it. But on the plus side I have already begun to lose weight, my new jeans are already getting baggy and with a goal of 2st 5lbs to lose thanks to the advice of a friend I should be looking a lot better soon, which will go some way to making me feel a lot better.

Here’s hoping tomorrow continues to be okay.

The first day of a brand new year. Its just another day in a long string of days; but in a way, it feels like something more…

My day isn’t much to write about really. I woke up at 9:30 AM, after a late, long, piss poor, rotten New Year’s Eve. I made a cup of tea, grabbed a blanket and pillow, and curled up on the couch and watched telly—something I don’t do very often, but is actually in my list of resolutions (zone out on sofa watching Sky more often … check). Between 9:30 AM and 4:30 PM, I dozed off and on, waking up here and there to catch glimpses of the Top 100 Favourite Family Films—a show that lasted from Noon until 6:00PM. At 4:30, I moved from the couch to the kitchen, where I cooked a New Year’s Day dinner—it took three hours, but turned out pretty damned good if I do say so myself. A mix of English fare and Southern USA New Year’s musts, enjoyed with a shared bottle of Cava sitting at the kitchen bench, watching the Italian Job (the original, not the remake). Now, it’s 3:25 AM and I’ve cleaned the kitchen to as spotlass as you’re going to get with cats; watched Big Fat Quiz 2009, Sweet Home Alabama, and 101 Dalmations—the lastest remake with Glenn Close. I’ve also lost my scenario three times on Civ City Rome because I cannot be arsed to pay proper attention.

Boring stuff really. But then, isn’t that what life is made of? Boring stuff? And, considering the alternatives, isn’t boring stuff sometimes really just the spice of life unappreciated?

Bright Blessings xx

Jake

My new years resolution for 2010 is to write a short paragraph to form part of a story each day of the year.  Hopefully this will help me get back into story writing, cause I’ve been slacking lately.  Comments appreciated.  REMEMBER: this may form part of a story in the near future.

Today’s Snippet:

I stand by my office window looking down on the city below me. The weather has been unusually chilly recently and a slight breeze is causing the leaves and litter on the floor to rustle about. The grey sky above threatens rain and people wrapped up in hats, scarves and thick winter clothing is testament to how cold the temperature out there actually is. Minutes pass by in silence with me just watching the view from my window, thinking about how my life is going right now and what bought me to where I am today. A knock on the door breaks me from my thoughts and I return to my desk before calling for them to "come in."

The person on the other side of the door enters my office and after shutting the office door behind them, they stand in front of my desk facing me and waiting for me to acknowledge them.

Happy New Year (:

ok you know what?

Time for resolutions.

1. Continue my high expectations of grades.
2. Continue to take friendships lightly. Nothing beyond goodfriends.
3. Continue to smile.
4. Continue to grow in Christ.
5. Continue to be nurtured on the 10th commandment.
6. Continue to learn to love myself more.
7. Continue to pray for the salvations of my loved and special ones.
8. Continue to be myself.
9. Continue to ignore.
10. Continue to pray for my enemies.

Wait a moment, are those even resolutions?

Anyhow, nothing is more important than my family, grandparents and boyfriend. Basically all my kins or kins-to-be.
Nobody or nothing else actually matters a lot to my life.
I am so much happier this way.

Because trust me, unconditional love is not something that normal people in your life can give to you.

Smile, and be yourself.

oh andddd. I deco my nails again!

(Ok you, dont irritate my pet peeve again. Seriously, there’s a limit to everything)

Anyway, i’ll post about my piggies up next

So 2009 had to have been both the worst and best year of my life so far. I finally found the one guy on the planet I actually loved, and it started off amazingly well and we were close. But because something quite bad happened that neither of us were to blame for, things slipped and we fell apart. Ironically I dont really know how either of us feel about it now, but he’s moved on and with it I should as well, my only hope is we remain good friends as we once were – yes it’ll be complicated but in the end its where we were both happy, just friends.

Because of the bad thing that happened I realised I wasn’t coping particularly well, so I have realised I need to finally accept the help from those around me and get over what happened. It shall be immensely hard I know but I need to. To start it off I’ve gone from blond to brunette and two of my friends already prefer it so that’s a good sign. I’ve got my nails done, bought new clothes – its a fresh start both in mind, body and soul.

The only issue is the other stuff that happened this year that has made it difficult. My mother is still sending nasty e-mails and refusing to let me see my brother and sisters and I’m constantly involved in one of sister’s dramas with not much choice in the matter. However I have decided to continue to ignore my mother’s nastiness in the hopes on day she will realise her mistake, deal with my sister’s dramas not as her sister, but as the friend I am to those also involved. Yes she is my sister, but it’s time I stopped holding her hand and heal the people she has hurt.

Besides that the only other problem besides my own confidence issues is everyone else throwing their dramas on me, and me being me refusing to not help them. Deep down I do need to take time out for myself, so I have realised I need to take a step back and care for myself, because even though I love my friends lots, they can’t be here for me in the way I need so I need be here for myself. It doesn’t mean I won’t help them, because it would kill me inside to watch my friends hurt, but I am going to be less involved where I can so I can heal myself and my own issues.

This year is a brand new year and with it a brand new me, hopefully with all the good bits of me from last year kept in.