Saturday was so much fun! Seeing New moon and all! Fun, fun! After the film we went into town to start a little Christmas shopping, i cannot believe its that time of year already! D: .. not that I’m complaining! But still, I feels like I was enjoying the rays of summer only 2 weeks ago! .. Blimey. But hayho? .. Where was I, oh .. We were in town and brought a new stretcher for my ear 3mm, it hurts like fuuuuckk!!! D’: ..It’s hurting right now, as i sit in media doing fuck all. (: (Well I’m doing reviews on blog sites .. LOL Cha’right ;D) The soundtrack it quite good actually, its surpirsing how I remember which song was used for what scene in the film. I’m so awesome ^^, im hand has cramp again! .. Perhaps people sell cramp-wrist harnesses? D:- If only.
I had the weirdest dream last night! D:
I was in a pet shop with my family, and a couple friends, but the pet shop had a model section, and there was this hulk model under this batman one. And he was laying down on some lab bed in his green hulky form, and he looked really serious. But in the middle of his chest was a button, i obviously pushed it and i made farting noises! D: LOL .. so i kept pushing it, having myself a nice chuckle. I read the side and I was called something like, Whoopsie, there I go again! D: They walked off and my parents and that were like we’re going now, so they went I was gonna go aswell, but then inside one of those heater tank things was my friend Mark! D:< .. Wth? :L :L :L .. and he was sleeping, I go to him, 'Mark?! .. When I die can my funeral have a Lion theme?' He ignored me and proceeded in sleeping. I dont remember anymore, but I was strange. LOL! (: … Anyways I have to go now! Art awaits ¬¬'
Caio! ^^

Reveille: 06:00 (slept ~8 hrs)
Pullups: [12:00] 12, [13:00] 10
Swimming: day off
Exercises: heavy
Stairs: x1
Weight:

Reading: Hegel – quite a bit
Writing: some

Reveille: 07:00 (slept ~8 hrs)
Pullups: [12:30] 12+10
Swimming: 1500=350+250+150(crawl)+250+375(breast)+125(back)
Exercises: medium-heavy
Stairs: x1
Weight: 75.0

Reading: Hegel, a bit
Writing: none, fail

Reveille: 04:00 (slept ~5 hrs)

Reading: Hegel/Hyppolite
Writing: a bit

OVR: MAJOR WIN – UNI, report on Hyppolite/Hegel!!

I’m posting yesterday’s and today’s totals.  As you can see, I need to work on dealing with having an “off” meal.  My meal this week was at Sweet Tomatoes.  It wasn’t bad at all but calories can add up.  I estimated the best that I could on the consumed calories.  It’s going to be a work in progress, because I know that a main principle of BFL is a free day.  I don’t believe in a free day because it can become too free.  I think people use it as an excuse to eat horribly.  If you eat too freely, it can derail days of hard work.  I’m glad that I decided to temporarily track my calories.  It really shows were the bottom line is when it comes to my calories in and out.

Thursday’s Calorie Deficit:

• Estimated calories burned with exercise – 2044 – 2080
• Daily calorie intake(included “off” meal) – 2437
• Estimated deficit - (357 – 393 over)

Today’s Calorie deficit:

• Estimated calories burned with exercise – 2009 – 2045
• Daily calorie intake – 1685
• Estimated deficit – 324 – 360

Today’s eats:

• Breakfast – 1/2 cup oat bran, 1/2 cup pumpkin, 1 cup uns. almond milk, 1 TBS PB2, pistachio nuts
• Lunch- Dr. Praeger veggie burger, hummus, mixed veggies, 1/2 sweet potato
• Snack – LaraBar, banana, 1 TBS almond butter
• Snack - 2 slices of Ezekiel, hummus, handful of baby carrots
• Dinner – 1.5 cups spaghetti squash, 1/2 cup marinara sauce, spinach

Tools ‹ The Present, Past and the Future — WordPress.

Animal Collective have apparently sent out CDs of their new EP to customers three weeks early by accident.

This, inevitably, has lead to an immediate full quality version leaking on to the internet.

The experimental band from Baltimore’s new release has been highly anticipated by fans after the massive success of Merriweather Post Pavilion.

On the first listen, the EP brings the same haphazardness of their 2009 album, but with a little more chilled feeling. I can imagine that, just like MPP, I will grow to love it. But it will take quite a few listens. It took me a very long time to get into MPP, and that was only because of persistent efforts from Jami Welch.

The best on the EP in my opinion is “What would I want? Sky”, a song that was recorded all the way back in February 2009, during the height of the MPP hype. It has a great running, looping hook, fused with probably Animal Collective’s most regular sounding drumming yet. In fact, it could almost be a Moby song. But I don’t mean that in a bad way.

Here’s one of the tracks, ‘Graze’, which has an amazing pan flute solo (only AC could get away with that) half way through. I’ve also posted my favourite remix of 2009, Phaseone’s remix of ‘Daily Routine’. It takes the best bits of the song; the lyrics and bassline, then adds a beat. It does wonders.

Animal Collective – Graze(BN)
Animal Collective – Graze(ZS)
Animal Collective – Graze(MF)

Animal Collective – Daily Routine (Phaseone Remix)

Reveille: 08:00 (slept ~10 hrs)

Reading: Hegel/Hyppolite
Writing: a bit

OVR: study/fail, but no gaming!

Reveille: 07:00 (slept ~6 hrs)
Pullups: [11:00] 5, [12:00] 8+8
Swimming: 750=250(breast)+250(back)+250(crawl)
Exercises: light
Stairs: x1
Weight: 75.4

Reading: Hyppolite+Hegel
Writing: a bit

OVR: minor win, back on track

I going to try something out for the next month.  I signed up with Sparkpeople to keep track of my calories and my daily exercise.  I also want to keep a daily total of my calorie deficit.  This is only to give me an idea of how I am doing everyday.  There will be times that I will not show a loss on the scale.  What’s going to be interesting is figuring out calories on the day that includes my “off” meal.  That will be a little challenging.

Today’s eats:

• Breakfast – veggie omelet, english muffin, jam, tomato slices
• Snack – banana
• Lunch – Dr. Praeger veggie burger, slice of Ezekiel bread, hummus, mixed veggies, spinach
• Snack – banana
• Dinner – Salmon patty from Costco, mixed veggies, spinach
• TOTAL CALORIES – about 1485 – always give or take a few cals

I went to the gym today and did my workout.  I ran for 2 miles and walked about 1 mile.  According to Sparkpeople, I burned a total of about 300 calories.  I calculated my BMR(calories body uses at rest) at a range of 1460-1490 per day.  I multiplied this amount by my activity level based on my lifestyle.  I decided to use the sedentary level(1.2), because I sit mostly at work and at home too.  This brings me to a maintainance caloric range of 1752-1788.  I then add in my daily exercise calories to get my total calories burned for the day.  Today’s estimated amount of calories that my body has burned is 2152-2188.  Since one pound is equal to 3500 calories, a 500 calorie daily deficit for 7 days will result in a loss.  If you divide 3500 calories over 6 days instead, that comes to a deficit of about 585.  I heard that this works well if you plan on having “off” plan meals like myself.  This what I am going to strive for.  I’m hoping that this way will keep me more accountable.

Here is Wednesday’s calorie deficit: 

• Calories burned with exercise – 2152 – 2188
• Daily calorie intake – 1485
• Estimated deficit – 667 – 703

I went on an outing today to find me a protein mix for my daily shakes.  I am currently using Amazing Meal.  I like the Amazing Meal but I would like to up the protein a bit.  I wanted to find a vegan protein mix that I could add to the Amazing Meal.  I know a lot of vegans use Vega and SunWarrior protein.  Due to the price point of these two, I decided to try a brand that I found today at Vitamin Shoppe.  FYI.  I did notice after I bought the Nutribiotic brand today that Amazon has a great deal on SunWarrior protein.  I’m going to put in an order this week to try it out too.

This is a rice protein from Nutribiotic.  It cost about $20 for the 1lb container.  It has 12 grams of protein for 1 heaping TBS.  This works for me because one scoop of Amazing Meal is 10 grams of protein.  This will bring my protein amount to over 20 grams for the combined mixes.  I will give a review when I try it out. 

I also made the decision to track my calorie intake for a while.  This will give me an idea on how much I am eating.  My goal is to vary between 1400-1700 calories a day.  I joined SparkPeople to keep track of my daily nutrition and fitness totals.  It’s going to be a little more work, but I think this is the best way to go to reach my goals.

Today’s eats was not the greatest.  I ate out twice today because I was out and about.  This is why I need to plan my meals and prepare when I do need to eat out.

• Breakfast/Lunch(woke up late) – Sweet Tomatoes – big salad with 2 tbs of tomato dressing, sweet potato, barley and pinto soup – This actually was not too bad of a meal. 
• Second meal – Panera - Pick two meal(creamy tomato soup, tomato and mozzarella panini), a chocolate chip cookie(couldn’t help it) 
• Late dinner – 2 pieces of Ezekiel, hummus, jam, 2 eggs

OVR: MAJOR FAIL [AoK all day]

It is time to get back on track.  I decided that one week of “detox” was enough.  My eating was clean which will stay the same, but there will be no more herbal supplements.  Did it help?  I don’t know.  I feel pretty good though.  My foot is also completely healed.  I’m ready to get back to the more intense cardio workouts. 

My goal for the rest of the year and into the new year is to do the following:

1. Eat at least 5 times a day
2. Workout 5-6 days a week
3. 3-4 days of cardio
4. 3 days of weight training
5. Gallon of water a day
6. Up my protein intake
7. 2 “off” meals or 1 “off” day – this means I can eat off plan a little without guilt

I ready to embark on a better lifestyle.  It will be a lot of work, but I know I am up for it.

Today’s eats:

• Breakfast – bowl of oatmeal, tbs of brown sugar, tbs of PB
• Snack – Luna bar
• Lunch – Dr. Praeger veggie burger, veggies
• Snack – 2 pieces of ezekiel bread, hummus, jam
• Dinner – Jason’s Deli - salad bar(all the fixins) and a cookie

Fast.

Bipolar fast, can be fun, if I’m prepared. I knew I would be walking into a fast day today, so I took a moment to be prepared.  Many fun and exciting things are happening as well as regular obligations I need to take care of.  I don’t really have a lot of time for idleness(one of my favorite past times).  What I’ve noticed is that it is easy for manic to kick in, ramp up the volume in my head and go way faster then is necessary.  I can also work fast, turn on idle chatter or narration, or connect with everyone, or comment on everything, or make jokes,  while I work.  Today, these are not helpful.

The biggest tool I use today, is focus.  What is happening right here, right now, what is the biggest priority.  Not 1 hr or 1 day from now, not what happened five minutes ago.  What is happening right here, right now, what is the current priority.

If I don’t know, I pause, breathe, think if I am thinking clearly, or write if I’m not.  Regain my focus and then launch again.

I also went to bed early, got up an hour earlier, and was sure to put on happy dance music straight up to get my mind in a fun flow.  I didn’t even give it a chance to think about the dramas and tribulations that occurred yesterday from travel.  I just got up, danced, and jumped into my day.

Now let’s back up; before I was willing able and aware of nurturing, taking care of and allowing my bipolar, I would have had a major blow out by now, been in full dark victim mode, possibly paralyzed in anxiety darkness or negativity overwhelmed in my chair, phone ringing, people trying to get a hold of me bigger mess building up, etc.

By purging yesterday, as best I could last night, and waking up gently today, observing my thoughts and injecting positive affirmations before my eyes even opened, I already had a head start.

The difference between dark victim mode, and ok let’s dance with this day mode, are actually fairly simple.  It’s more of a choice actually.  Yesterday in the middle of travel drama I was down a bit.  I picked up my positive daily reader, read a passage, and thought about it for 15 minutes before a flight, instead of allowing the negative spiral take me down.

Today I am grateful for being bipolar, because I was down, so hard, so long, for so many years, that because I am intimately  familiar with negative darkness in my mind, I’m much more able to quickly identify, and counteract the pattern, before it becomes disruptive.

Is being bipolar intense?  Yes.  At times.  It’s also a lot of fun to  have so many options and ways of tackling problems situations and opportunities.  Today, because of learning to be functional and having an awesome highly technical challenging job which can take me in many directions at once, I know, if I stay positive and functional, I’ll dance through just fine, and probably be able to accomplish a lot more, then if I wasn’t blessed with bipolar.

gotta go, big quick hug, peace,

George

Reveille: 14:00 (slept ~9 hrs)
Weight: 74.3

OVR: minor fail

REST/FAIL

I have potty brain.  To open minded men, (and of course women already know this), WE, as in the male race, have periods.  More importantly, I am having mine.  Pass the chocolate, send me to a spa, and please shut up and listen.  Ahh, I feel better already.

I wrote a blog at my last layover(1000 words) and decided it was total crap, and sent it to a dear friend.(I hope she deletes it, I forgot to write that in the subject line, sometimes I just need to send my mental crap to someone who will laugh and not take it as seriously as I am in the current moment)

I got on the plane and thought hmm.  What is going on?  Other then the fact I feel bloated fat uncomfortable restless upset and slightly pissed off at nothing, I’m FINE KEEP THE CHOCOLATE COMING.

When I’m quiet, I’m not always peaceful.  When I’m quiet, busy, and not communicating with people, uh, Houston, a problem is brewing.

A)  I can ignore it, and watch my mouth or my actions get me into big trouble soon.

B)  I can let myself become aware of it(like trying to write a blog instead of writing a rant)

Writing is my number one tool for dealing with bipolar today.  Write, Write, Write.  The reason is, I’m quiet, moody, haven’t been having real conversations with people lately, and I can feel my ears becoming horns, and my smile becoming a grumpy snarl.

By writing out a blog, erasing it, writing out another, erasing it, and finally taking an hour to perfect a “justified” anger blog/rant, I realized, I was way behind on writing.

When things are going well, I sometimes cut back on my daily routine a bit.  I’ll rely on a quick prayer, meditation, and reading a spiritual thing or too.  I usually cutback on writing about what ever is going on with me, this is when the yellow caution light on the control panel in my brain needs to start blinking.  Silly me, thinking I’m in charge, knowing what is best and when it is supposed to happen, and don’t need to bother dwelling within.  OOOOPS!  Nice try George, better luck next time.

This is when my shit shelf, starts to collect unresolved issues,

which start to simmer and boil until a perfectly good innocent:  target/issue/cause/moment/person/frustration, allows me to spark an eruption.

With any kind of luck, I became aware of this one soon enough so that I can write out everything that is bugging and upsetting me, call someone who cares enough and knows me enough to listen, and not let me get away with thinking I am a victim, and be ok again.  It’s not complicated, it just takes practice and willingness to allow myself to become aware of when something is off, and wanting to do something about it before I make a mess.

Thank you for helping me with my potty brain today, and sorry if I ate all your chocolate, I’ll be good for it next time you need some ; / }.

Now, WHERE is the nearest spa, I need a massage.

George

Weight: 75.6

STUDY! [Hegel: Phänomenologie Des Geistes] [uni]

I’ve come to realize that my most enjoyable days are the ones in which I live for that moment.  Carpe diem and all that crap.  It’s undoubtedly difficult, if not sometimes entirely impossible,  to let go and free your thoughts of the past or future, but I’m working on it.  I am. I am. I am (Sylvia Plath ) To recognize that everything is temporary, everything that surrounds us is earthly here and now at it’s best…. So much is meaningless!  But…. so meaningful.  LOL.  Yeah, I’m contemplating everything.  My solo walk through downtown to pick up lunch felt somewhat otherworldly to me today.  I felt like a bystander in a lonely, but somehow exhilarating way… people absorbed in their goings-on, hurried… I walked slow in the streaming sun observing- it was all so….fleeting, momentary; chaos could have ensued- catastrophe could have striked, and yet I think it would have remained overwhelmingly beautiful.  It felt good to be aware- I’d like to spend more time in that frozen frame.

I can’t change anyone- not their mind, not their causes, not their pain or passion or hurt or desires.  I can’t make MYSELF feel anything different from what I feel and I can barely change my OWN mind.  I’m just enjoying the breathing walk-on parts.

Today turned out to be a good day.  I was feeling a little off this past week, but today I felt back to normal.  I’m also happy to report that my foot feels like it has healed.  Even though it feels okay, I want to wait until Sunday to do another run.

I went grocery shopping today.  I left both places feeling agitated.  What peeves me is that my local grocery store has raised prices on certain items.  They raised prices on nuts(not peanuts but the good mixed kind), Almond Breeze, Van’s gluten-free waffles, and pretty much all of Amy’s frozen line.  I’m not talking about ten cents here and there.  The difference is about $.30 to almost $1 more.  That is why I am loving Costco so much.  I just got a membership with them about two months ago and they have absolutely the best deals.  I usually go to my local grocery store to get certain items, because the bulk amount is just too much for the both of us.  I think I’m going to just going to stick with Costco, Whole Foods(occasionally), and Super Target from now on.  I have to give props a little bit to Super Target, because their prices are competitive with certain items that Whole Foods and my local store also sell.  Today I noticed that Super Target sells Annie’s salad dressing for under $2.50 a bottle.  They had four flavors(maybe discontinued) in their clearance sections that were marked down to about $2.  Amy’s frozen line was also considerably lower priced than WFs.  This brings me to one conclusion.  I’m going to part ways with my local grocery store that I have been going to since I was little.  Their weekly deals are for stuff that we don’t use or for food items that are not healthy.  Such a shame because they are a great company. 

Today’s eats:

• Breakfast – Smoothie – 1 scoop of chocolate Amazing Meal, 1 spoonful of PB2 and raw cacao, 1/2 cup of unsweetened almond milk
• Snack – banana
• Lunch – 2 pieces of Gardein(last of the box), veggies, brown rice
• Snack – Apple
• Dinner – Tofu, veggies, wild rice pilaf

Reveille: 07:00 (slept ~7 hrs?)
Exercises: light
Jogging(w): ~1 hour

Reading: finished Vian’s “J’irai cracher sur vos tombes”
Writing: none [fail]

OVR: VIVA SLOVENIA!
Also: congratulations to Denmark ^_^

STUDY/FAIL [uni]