~ In celebration of “Black Friday,” I’m sharing one of my favorite essays. It was originally published May 21, 2009.  Enjoy!

“The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude”  [Dennis Brown].

Let’s face it: bad days happen to everyone — no one is immune. Sometimes you know from the minute you wake-up, (late — because you forgot to set the alarm) and sometimes you don’t realize the storm clouds of misfortune are forming in the distance until you arrive at your destination, only to discover a colleague’s bad day is raining on your parade.

Wouldn’t it be great if, in addition to the headlines, the weather, and traffic conditions, local news stations could provide us with the mood outlook for the day? Maybe it would sound something like this:

• We’re expecting a strong frustration front to blow in this afternoon. Be sure to take your resilience with you. You might also want to consider packing an extra dose of enthusiasm before you head out the door.

• Eye in the Sky is reporting that you’ll want to avoid the Accounting and Finance Departments entirely this morning. There’s been a huge pile-up of egos, unmet expectations, and ineffective processes in that area. HR is now on the scene, but it looks like progress will be backed up for hours.

• The big headline this morning is that power remains out in the Customer Service Department. It appears that a supervisor, who had previously reported ongoing communication problems, blew up late yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, nearly everyone on that floor was affected. No word yet on when crews will be able to restore productivity to that area.

If we’re wise, we’ll be initiating defensive maneuvers (for example, reading motivational books and articles) before we’re hit broadside by the attitudes of others. What safety measures are you engaging to protect your attitude?

One of my favorite children’s books is by Judith Viorst entitled, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. This humorous short story follows a boy named Alexander throughout his day, documenting how (from his view) everything and everyone (including the family pet) conspires to make his day horrible. He’s not permitted to sit by the window during the ride to school; his mother forgot to pack dessert in his lunch; there are lima beans for dinner (UGH!) and, “The cat wants to sleep with Anthony, not with me.”

At the end of the book it’s the end of the day and Alexander repeats yet again, “It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” His mother responds simply, “some days are like that.”  Isn’t that the truth?

The good thing about life is that it is just so . . . daily! If you don’t like how today turned out, despite your very best effort, don’t despair. You’ll get another chance tomorrow.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely . . ” [Ralph Waldo Emerson].

Just remember, “happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude” [Dale Carnegie]. Regardless of uncontrollable external conditions swirling around, you have absolute control over your attitude and your response.

One of my favorite quotes is attributed to former Boston Celtic Bill Russell, “The game is scheduled, we have to play it — we might as well win.”

Are you in it to win it today? Or are you going to allow the torrential downpour of negative news, grouchy coworkers, and rude drivers quench your positive outlook? “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude” [Maya Angelou].

Whatever you are, be a good one!

Deanna

Îngăduiţi-vă unii pe alţii, şi dacă unul are pricină să se plângă de altul, iertaţi-vă unul pe altul. Cum v-a iertat Hristos, aşa iertaţi-vă şi voi.

[Coloseni 3.13]

Orice prost poate să critice, să condamne și să se plîngă, dar e nevoie de carcter și stăpînire de sine pentru a înțelege și a ierta.

Dale Carnegie

Cuvîntul Meu, care iese din gura Mea, nu se întoarce la Mine fara rod

Este es un libro de Dale Carnegie que leí este verano en vacaciones muy relajada y me encantó, en él se marcan 8 objetivos:

• Salir de la rutina mental, concebir nuevas ideas, adquirir una nueva visión, descubrir nuevas ambiciones.      
• Hacer amigos rápida y fácilmente.
• Aumentar su popularidad.
• Lograr que los demás piensen como usted.
• Aumentar su influencia, su prestigio, su habilidad de lograr que las tareas se logren.            
• Proceder bien ante las quejas, evitar discusiones, preservar sus relaciones humanas afables y agradables.
• Convertirse en un mejor orador, en un conversador más jovial.
• Despertar entusiasmo entre sus asociados.

¿No crees que apetece leerlo?

Saya beberapa kali menghadiri seminar pengembangan diri yang pembicaranya “enggak banget”. Mereka inilah yang bagi saya memaksakan diri mendapatkan pengakuan dengan menjual diri sebagai “kecap nomor satu”. Lucunya, di antara mereka ada yang mencela yang lain saat membawakan seminar, namun sebaliknya justru saling memuji saat ada yang menulis buku. Hal ini dibuktikan dengan blurp atau pujian basa-basi yang banyak diterakan di sampul belakang sebuah buku. Tujuannya sih untuk membuat buku itu tambah menarik pembaca, yang tentu diharapkan membeli. Tapi bagi saya kok malah cuma seperti “omong-kosong” belaka ya?

Omong kosong karena kenyataannya mereka seperti terhinggapi waham kebesaran atau megalomania complex. Mereka sebenarnya enggan memuji orang lain karena menganggap diri mereka itulah “kecap nomor satu”. Tentu saja, ada pengecualian di beberapa orang. Dan dari orang-orang ini kemudian saya belajar arti berbeda pendapat namun tetap menghargai orang lain.

Saat saya mencoba melakukan survei kecil-kecilan kepada peserta yang berada di samping kiri dan kanan saya, juga pernah pada pegawai saya, ada hal kecil yang saya tanyakan: “Seberapa percaya Anda pada apa yang diucapkan beliau?” Jawabannya mengejutkan, ternyata hampir semua menjawab mereka percaya. Hanya kemudian muncul pembatasan atau barrier mental dari mereka sendiri dengan kalimat semacam, “Tapi sulit kalau saya terapkan, soalnya saya kan cuma ….. “

Di situ, saya kemudian melihat, bahwa untuk pertanyaan yang menjadi judul tulisan ini, jawabannya bukan dua-duanya. Untuk menjadi teladan orang lain, bukan nama besar yang diperlukan, tapi kepercayaan dari orang lain. Akan tetapi, kepercayaan dari orang lain lebih mudah didapatkan apabila kita memiliki nama besar. Apabila kita tak punya nama besar, kita hanya punya nama baik di kalangan tertentu, misalnya keluarga. Lingkup keteladanan kita kecil saja. Bila kita seorang ayah atau ibu, kita seharusnya menjadi teladan bagi anak kita. Makin aktif kita dalam pergaulan dan makin banyak aktivitasi kita, keteladanan kita makin membesar bagi kelompok kita. Misalnya kalau kita menjabat Ketua RT, tentu seharusnya menjadi teladan bagi warga satu RT. Bedanya, kita yang hanya punya nama baik yang bukan nama besar, perlu mengajak orang untuk mengikuti teladan kita. Akan tetapi bila kita punya nama besar, maka orang lain yang bahkan tidak kita kenal akan bersedia mengikuti teladan kita tanpa perlu diajak.

Di sinilah maka bila kita ingin menjadi teladan, bisa dimulai dari lingkup kecil. Namun apabila ingin “”Mempengaruhi Orang Lain” -meminjam bagian judul buku Dale Carnegie-, maka kita perlu nama besar. Apalagi bila yang kita inginkan adalah mempengaruhi orang-orang lain alias masyarakat. Dan untuk mencapai nama besar itu bukanlah suatu hal yang mudah. Perlu dibangun “personal brand” secara apik bertahun-tahun.

Bahkan saat kita sudah memiliki nama besar, nama baik tetaplah harus dijaga. Ini terkait dengan integritas kepribadian kita di mata orang lain. Seringkali kita dengar orang yang sudah memiliki nama besar yang dibangun susah-payah bertahun-tahun, runtuh dan dilupakan orang dalam sekejap karena kesalahannya sendiri dengan tidak menjaga nama baiknya. Dan inilah gunanya terus belajar seumur hidup: agar tidak merasa diri besar sehingga menjadi jumawa. Kita selalu mengingat adagium: di atas langit selalu ada langit. Nama kita mungkin besar dan merasa sudah pantas dijadikan teladan, tapi selalu ada bagian di kolong langit ini yang tidak tahu siapa kita. Tidak mungkin ada satu orang manusia yang dikenal oleh semua 5 milyar orang di muka bumi. Bahkan seorang Presiden A.S. sekali pun. Karena itu, kontrol diri justru pada hati. Bila memang sudah dijadikan teladan bagi orang lain, pandai-pandailah menjaga hati. Tentu ini kemudian akan tercermin dalam pikiran, perkataan dan perbuatan.

WORD

ancillary [an-suh-ler-ee or, especially Brit., an-sil-uh-ree] adj. 1. subordinate; subsidiary 2. auxiliary; assisting ∞ n. 3. something that serves in an ancillary capacity: Slides, records, and other ancillaries can be used with the basic textbook

Note: A friend of mine used “ancillary” in a sentence the other day, and I was ashamed to admit, while I determined the word’s meaning from the context, I was unable to accurately define it.

BIRTHDAY

Bat Masterson (1853), Scott Joplin (1868), Dale Carnegie (1888), Lucky Luciano (1897), William F. Buckley Jr. (1925), Paul Tagliabue (1940), Pete Best (1941), Ted Bundy (1946), Dwight Schultz (1947), Linda Tripp (1949), Denise Crosby (1957), Edgar Meyer (1960), Keith Primeau (1971), Colin Hanks (1977), Katherine Heigl (1978)

STANDPOINT

Man! Everyone is going batshit over the recent release of The Twilight Saga: New Moon.

And, I mean, my guess is all the praise is warranted.

It was, most likely, a great movie. All the inferred twists. All the supposed turns. The brooding guy with the wall of hair was expected to be really good. The rest of the cast seemed superb, especially those dudes who turn into werewolves. The one scene, where the one werewolf is chasing some girl across a backyard toward a house and, then, some guy shows up on the porch, and he starts running at the action, but once he nears the sprinting young lady, he jumps over her while becoming a werewolf himself, taking a defensive stance as if to suggest to the werewolf who was originally in pursuit, “Hey, dude! You can’t eat her. I’m kinda digging on her. You cool with that?” 

Maybe he was cool with that. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was annoyed because this guy liked the girl who was running. Maybe he was annoyed because this guy liked every fucking girl he ever saw who was running. Maybe he’d finally had enough. Maybe he decided, right then and there, in that backyard, he was going to take a stand. Maybe something happened after that where the girl miraculously lived. Maybe she tragically died.

I’ll never know. I’ve only seen the previews. And that’s all I’m ever gonna see.

QUOTATION

If you don’t like doing something, but you still spend most of every day doing it, then you’re cheating yourself. If you hate your job – and you probably do – and fantasize endlessly about quitting, then you should quit. Quit the job you hate. I’ll say it two more times: Quit the job you hate. Quit the job you hate. → Ted Rall

TUNE

 So, something great someone can do is introduce you to quality music that, otherwise, would’ve never come your way. Two nights ago, I was with an (increasingly) good friend playing Scrabble (the result of which was a draw, no question), drinking red wine and listening to a guy named Joe Pisapia on the stereo. Solid stuff. Try “River Song” and you’ll know I’m right. Like I’m right about this supposedly dubious Scrabble outcome.

GALLIMAUFRY

→ When reading online news, I rarely smile. However, reading about Oprah ending her “talk show” brought on an ear-to-ear grin that almost hurt my cheeks. OK. Not really. But I am psyched about it.

→ I’m encouraging everyone of you to take a serious look at every book in your house after I read about a London family who’d no clue there was a first edition of Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species sitting in the bathroom for the past 40 years or so.

→ OK. You caught me. I haven’t been updating this blog as much as I used to. I apologize for the fact I’ve recently rediscovered that, after a year hiatus, I’m allowed to have a life. Awww. I can’t stay mad at you folks. I’ll update as much as I can. Thanks for reading. Seriously.

On November 24:

1429  Joan of Arc unsuccessfully besieged La Charité.

1663 map of Van Diemen’s Land, showing the parts discovered by Tasman.

 

1690  Charles Theodore Pachelbel, German composer, was born.

 

1806 William Webb Ellis, who is credited with the invention of Rugby, was born.

1815 Grace Darling, English heroine, was born.

1849  Frances Hodgson Burnett, British-born author, was born.

1864  Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, French painter, was born.

1868 Scott Joplin, Ragtime Composer, was born.

1888  Dale Carnegie, American writer, was born.

1894 Herbert Sutcliffe, English cricketer, was born.

1897  Lucky Luciano, American gangster, was born.

1942 Billy Connolly, Scottish comedian, was born.

1944  Bev Bevan, English rock drummer (The Move, Electric Light Orchestra), was born.

1946  Penelope Jones Halsall (aka Caroline Courtney, Lydia Hitchcock, Melinda Wright, Annie Groves, Penny Jordan), English novelist, was born.

1955  Ian Botham, England test cricketer, was born.

1959 All hands were lost when the modern coastal freighter Holmglen foundered off the South Canterbury coast.

1961 Arundhati Roy, Indian writer, was born.

1969 The Apollo 12 command module splashes down safely in the Pacific Ocean, ending the second manned mission to the Moon.

1974 Donald Johanson and Tom Gray discovered the 40% complete Australopithecus afarensis skeleton, nicknamed “Lucy” after The Beatles song “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds“, in the Awash Valley of Ethiopia’s Afar Depression.

Sourced from NZ History Online & Wikipedia.

How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie (1936) is written beautifully. You just don’t get books like that anymore, the language is fantastic. The morals and messages to this day are the foundation to any successful business, relationship and life.

Most people think that only spiritual or religious books have codes of conduct on how to be a better person and here we have a business book nearly 100 years old with ageless wisdom and the essence of living a harmonious life. Key points like; give justified praise, listen, be diplomatic, be humble, treat others how you would like to be treated and so many more please see below.

Business is one industry especially in these hard economic times where everyone is out for themselves.  I really promote anyone and everyone to spend some time and invest in these tried and tested tips on life. You can even simply read the quick chapter summary notes if you dont have much time or need a friendly reminder. I have mine printed out so I can consciously try and be a better teacher, employer, friend, wife, daughter and step mother.

The book has six major sections. The core principles of each section are quoted below.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a man’s Name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in the terms of the other man’s interest.
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. Avoid arguments.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never tell someone they are wrong.
3. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Start with questions the other person will answer yes to.
6. Let the other person do the talking.
7. Let the other person feel the idea is his/hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Sympathize with the other person.
10. Appeal to noble motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to other people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes first.
4. Ask questions instead of directly giving orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise every improvement.
7. Give them a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Encourage them by making their faults seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.

The last section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.

Seven Rules For Making your Home Life Happier

1. Don’t nag.
2. Don’t try to make your partner over.
3. Don’t criticize.
4. Give honest appreciation.
5. Pay little attentions.
6. Be courteous.
7. Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.
8. Listen carefully to what your partner says and make him/her feel important about what he/she says

“I don’t know the keys to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

-Bill Cosby

I first read this quote when I was still in college. But I didn’t fully grasp the true meaning of it until now (post-college). And I still don’t possess the keys to success. In the past I never would have admitted that.

For some reason I thought that one of the keys to being happy was having everybody like you. Or at least I wanted people to think highly of me. I somehow thought I would impress people by “pretending” that I knew exactly what I wanted in life.

Instead I ended up alienating a lot of people and not pleasing anyone. But how can you please other people, when you’re not even pleased with yourself?

Like I’ve said time and time again, I was miserable. On the outside, everything seemed ok. Throughout college I had landed several good jobs, and then had a good job lined up for me after graduation. And that was really the only thing I cared about. Simply because it made me “appear” to look successful; or at least it made me appear to know what I was doing.

I think I hit rock bottom in 2007, which was the same year that I graduated college. It would only be a matter of time before I would burn out from keeping up this facade of “success.” There wasn’t any single moment where I realized my life sucked, it was more of a gradual thing.

My weight was starting to get out of control. I had very few friends. My dating life was going nowhere. Weekends were just like weekdays for me since I had no social life. I was drowning in debt, spending thousands on unnecessary trinkets to keep me occupied. I resented anybody who seemed like they were having fun in life.

You’re not supposed to have fun. You’re supposed to work at a corporate job, so you can contribute to your 401(k) and then retire in 40 years. If you have enough saved, maybe you can squeeze in a 10 day excursion to Europe at age 65. If you think otherwise; you’re dead wrong.

The relationships that I had with everyone in my life was very odd. I would try so hard for people to like me, but at the same time I would act like a complete jackass. It’s really hard for me to explain.

I remember moving into the dorms for my first year of college. Since I was a Los Angeles transplant, I didn’t know anybody. My attitude didn’t really do much to change that. I was the true definition of the term poser. I didn’t even attempt to try to get to know anyone, because I thought I was so much cooler than everyone else. I probably made 3 friends that first year.

Why? Because I was the only thing that mattered. While I was trying to be superficially nice to everyone, I thought in my head that I was better than everyone. Nobody’s opinion mattered but mine. I was hardly one to clash openly with people, but in my mind I would always be shaking my head in disagreement.

Trying to please everyone is a neverending battle. Just look at Jesus Christ, or Barack Obama. They didn’t please everyone; in fact many people wanted to kill them!

Anyhow, I know that I talked about writing a book. But I think I’m just going to post lessons that I have learned in my life. I have a bunch of stuff written up that I will release every once in a while.

I haven’t read this book entirely through, but I will read it in its entirety after I finish my current book. How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Also, if you haven’t checked out Leo Babauta’s site, I urge you too. This guy is genius. Zenhabits.net

Dale Carnegie: Tell me what gives a man or woman their greatest pleasure and I’ll tell you their philosophy of life.

Real Carnegie: Tell me what gives a man or woman their greatest pleasure and I’ll sell it to ‘em.

Alphonse Karr: The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Carphone Warehouse: There ain’t nuthin’ new under de sun.

Ursula Le Guin: It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters, in the end.

Urge Le Goin: If you must travel, go First Class.

Soren Kierkegaard: Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward.

Liam Gallagher: Don’t look back in anger; throw the first punch.

Charles Schultz: I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time.

Charlie Brown: I’m a miserable git.

Lao Tzu: The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Low Shoe: The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a flat tyre.

John Keats: Beauty is truth, truth beauty –  that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

Dodge McLarty: Don’t buy no ugly truck – it’s unpatriotic.

René Descartes: I think; therefore I am.

Tilly Bud: Pig Philosophy: I’m pink; therefore I’m ham.

ist der Titel eines sehr empfehlenswerten Buches von Dale Carnegie.

Klingt ganz leicht gesagt, hat aber unheimlich Tiefe.
Praktisch ein großes Wort gelassen ausgesprochen.

Der Kurs in Wunder sagt:
“Der einzige Aspekt der Zeit, der ewig ist, ist Jetzt.”

Und in Jesus sagt sinngemäß:
die Vögel des Himmels, sie säen und ernten nicht, euer himmlischer vater ernährt sie doch.
darum sollt ihr nicht sorgen.

und das morgen?
der morgige tag wird für das seine sorgen.
a chaque jour suffit sa peine.

Und die einzige Zeit, die es gibt, ist Jetzt.
Amen

Sie haben sich auf dieses Blog eingeloggt und fragen sich sicherlich, wie kommt jemand dazu, ein solches Blog auf zu legen. Was befähigt ihn dazu, anderen Menschen Anregungen für eine persönliche Lebensgestaltung an zu bieten?

Meine Motivation dazu, schöpfe ich aus über 3 Jahrzehnte langen positiven Erfahrungen, im privaten und im beruflichen Leben.
Über  Erfahrungen werde ich u. a. in diesem Blog berichten und Sie damit – und das wünsche ich mir von ganzem Herzen – motivieren, Ihren Weg für eine erfolgreiche ganzheitliche Lebensgestaltung zu finden.

Denn vorgeben oder aufzeigen kann ich Ihnen Ihren Weg beim besten Willen nicht. Will ich auch gar nicht, denn Sie sind verantwortlich und diese Verantwortung kann Ihnen auch niemand abnehmen. Ich glaube auch gar nicht, dass das ernsthaft jemand möchte.

Erfolgsgeheimnisse

Meine feste Überzeugung ist es, dass auch Sie es schaffen können, denn es gibt logische Regeln, oftmals hochtrabend als „Erfolgsgeheimnisse“ bezeichnet werden, die jeder „mittelprächtig“ Begabte anwenden kann.
Würden Sie es als ein Geheimnis ansehen, was die großen Denker der Antike bereits aufgezeigt haben?
Aristoteles, Sokrates, Seneca und wie sie alle heißen, haben uns ihre Weisheiten hinterlassen, die auch heute und in der Zukunft ihren Sinn haben. Es sind immer währende Gesetzmäßigkeiten.

Von den Unwägbarkeiten der Zukunft macht sich abhängig, wer es nicht versteht, in der Gegenwart für die Zukunft zu sorgen.
(Lucius Annaeus Seneca)

Es ist daher so, dass ich Ihnen viele dieser alten Weisheiten, aufbereitet für die heutige Zeit, präsentieren werde.
Diese „Erfolgsgeheimnisse“ sind also so alt, wie die Menschheit und bio-logisch, soll heißen, abgeleitet aus der Logik des Lebens (bios).

Meine Voraussetzungen in der Jugend waren sicherlich nicht so, dass man sagen kann, der hatte es gut. Für ihn war Erfolg zwangsläufig vorgegeben. Allerdings war ich auch nie pleite, wie manche Kollegen es von sich berichten.
Im Nachhinein sieht eine Lebensentwicklung oftmals so aus, als wären es logisch aufeinander folgende Schritte gewesen.

Ich wurde 1949 als drittes Kind eines Handelsvertreters und einer nicht berufstätigen Mutter in Münster geboren. Mein Vater war Jahrgang 1902 und kam mit nahezu 45 Jahren, ohne berufliche Existenz, 1947 aus der Kriegsgefangenschaft. Heute würde man sagen, er hat den Anschluss an die „Wirtschaftswunder Zeiten“ der 50er und 60er Jahre verpasst.

Ich wurde zu einem selbstbewussten und erfolgreich denkenden Menschen erzogen

Das habe ich als Kind zwar nie so empfunden, jedoch große Sprünge haben sich meine Eltern nie leisten können.
Was sie aber geleistet haben ist, dass sie mich zu einem selbstbewussten und leistungsbereiten jungen Menschen erzogen haben. Ihr Verdienst ist es, dass ich mir bereits in jungen Jahren einiges zuge­traut und ganz fest daran geglaubt habe, dass ich es sicher erreichen werde. Und, ganz wichtig, dass es mit Arbeit verbunden ist.

Habe mich getraut, große Wünsche zu haben

So habe ich mir schon immer ein eigenes Haus gewünscht und bin mit meiner damaligen Freundin – und heutigen Ehefrau – schon als 17-jähriger durch die Villenviertel in Münster gelaufen, und wir haben uns „unser“ Haus ausgesucht. Damals war ich noch Lehrling, wie es derzeit hieß, mit etwa. 100,– DM (= ca. 50,- €) Lehrlingsgehalt.
Was die Erwachsenen da wohl über mich gedacht haben?

In der Lehre habe ich aber auch das „Glück“ gehabt, zwei Menschen kennen zu lernen, die sehr bedeutend für mein weiteres Leben waren. Sie haben meine Entwicklung sehr nachhaltig beeinflusst.
Von „Glück“ mag ich in diesem Zusammenhang mit dem heutigem Wissen aber gar nicht reden.
Denn ich bin fest davon überzeugt, dass ich sie durch mein Denken in mein Leben „gezogen“ habe.
Gezogen? Sie werden sicherlich sagen, die waren doch da.
Ich denke, dass diese Kollegen gespürt haben, dass wir gleichartig gedacht haben, und sie ließen mich an ihrem Wissen teilhaben.
Auf jeden Fall haben sie mir die entscheidenden Impulse gegeben, die mir weder im Elternhaus, noch in der Schule vermittelt wurden.

Ein Ausbilder hat mir einen sehr entscheidenden Tipp gegeben, wie ich es schaffen konnte, im Laufe der Zeit finanziell unabhängig zu werden.
Der andere brachte mich mit der Arbeitsmethode von Dr. Gustav Großmann in Verbindung und unterstützte mich als Mentor während des Fernlehrgangs zur Einarbeitung in die Arbeitsmethode. Das war für mich eine große Chance, denn ich war einer der letzten Schüler von Dr. Großmann, bevor er 1973 verstarb.
Dieser Kollege ist noch heute – nach über 30 Jahren – ein guter Freund und eines meiner größten Vorbilder in meinem Leben.

Dr. Gustav Großmann lehrte mich, wie später auch Lothar Seiwert, mein Leben langfristig zu planen und meine Zeit so zu gestalten, dass ich den überwiegenden Teil meiner Vorhaben auch in dem Zeitraum realisieren konnte, den ich mir persönlich gewünscht hatte.
Insbesondere lernte ich, über gründliche Situationsanalysen sowohl Chancen, als auch die Risiken einer Veränderung in Betracht zu ziehen.
Das hat mich des Öfteren vor unliebsamen Risiken im Beruf wie im Privaten bewahrt.

Nach meinem Betriebswirtschaftstudium an der FH Bielefeld kehrte ich zunächst in meine Lehrfirma zurück und merkte aber sehr schnell, dass ich in diesem Konzern als junger Mann viel zu lange hätte warten müssen, um in zufrieden stellende Gehaltsstufen aufzusteigen. Denn alle Führungspositionen, die mich interessierten, waren durch relativ junge Kollegen besetzt.

Dennoch hatten wir bereits 1 ½ Jahre nach Abschluss des Studiums unser Wunschhaus (überwiegend in Eigenleistung) realisiert und eine Familie gegründet.
Übrigens, ich verdiente damals 1.900,- DM brutto (= ca. 950,- €) im Monat und meine Frau hat nach der Geburt unseres Sohnes ihren Beruf, wie es damals oftmals üblich war, aufgegeben.Aber wir waren glücklich und haben nicht eine Sekunde daran gezweifelt, dass wir alles richtig gemacht haben. (Ich möchte allerdings auch nicht wissen, wie viele schlaflose Nächte unsere Eltern, ob dieses Mutes hatten.)

1976 habe ich mich dann in der Finanzdienstleistungsbranche selbständig gemacht und bin nach einer kurzen Karriere als Verkäufer, zum Leiter einer Immobilien- und Finanzierungsagentur aufgestiegen. Es folgte dann 1980 als 2. Betätigungsfeld die Aufnahme der Tätigkeit als Unternehmensberater, Coach und Seminarleiter für Planungsmethoden.

Methoden für eine ganzheitliche Lebensplanung entwickelt

Nach dem Tode von Dr. Gustav Großmann hatten wir uns im Freundeskreis damals überlegt, dass die Methode, die sich im Wesentlichen auf Zeitmanagement und berufliche Planung beschränkte, nicht alles sein konnte, da sie wichtige andere Bereiche des menschlichen Lebens nicht berücksichtigte.
Zu häufig waren die Fälle, in denen wir sahen, dass erfolgreiche Methodiker eheliche oder gesundheitliche Probleme hatten, weil der Beruf zu sehr im Mittelpunkt stand.
Das war dann die Entstehungszeit der ganzheitlichen Lebensplanung.

Diese Ausweitung der Denkweise auf andere Lebensbereiche, führte mich dann zu einer Literaturform, z.B. von Dale Carnegie und Nikolaus Enkelmann, zusammen, von der ich zuvor noch nie etwas gehört hatte.
Mir war der Begriff „Erfolgsliteratur“ noch nie vorher begegnet und so begann ich mit Begeisterung zunächst die Bücher der amerikanischen Erfolgsautoren: Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, Dr. Joseph Murphy, Tony Robbins etc. zu studieren.
Später kamen auch noch die deutschsprachigen Autoren Paul Watzlawick, Lothar Seiwert, Wolfgang Mewes, Nikolaus Enkelmann usw. hinzu, die mir, ein für mich völlig neues Denken vermittelten.

Bewußte „Positives Denken“ oder die  „Programmierung des Unterbewusstseins“ waren für mich bis dahin „Böhmische Dörfer“.
Es fiel mir wie Schuppen von den Augen. In all dieser Zeit lernte ich sehr viel über das Verhalten und Denken der Menschen und auch über mich, was sich auch recht bald im Beruf, aber auch vor allem im Privaten, positiv auswirkte.

Selbstvertrauen für große Wünsche

Mein Selbstvertrauen steigerte sich zu der Gewissheit, dass alles das, was ich in meinem bisherigen Leben erreicht hatte, das alleinige Produkt meines Denkens war.
Ich schöpfte Vertrauen in meine Fähigkeiten, das mir eine neue starke Lebenshaltung, Gelassenheit, Energie und Lebensfreude bescherte.

Denn, wenn mein Denken der Vergangenheit für die Gegenwart verantwortlich war, dann ist dem zufolge auch das Denken der Gegenwart für die Zukunft ursächlich.
Wie ein Mosaik, das aus vielen Teilen zusammengesetzt wird, entstand vor mir das Bild meiner Möglichkeiten, das ich unbedingt realisieren wollte.
Ich erkannte, dass ich nur durch eine Veränderung meiner Denkweise neue Ziele erreichen konnte.

„Die größte Entdeckung unserer Generation besteht darin, dass der Mensch fähig ist, sein Leben zu ändern, indem er seine Gedanken ändert, denn unsere Gedanken bestimmen unser Schicksal.“
(William James)

Gestärkt durch dieses neue Selbstvertrauen, setzte ich mir Ziele, die ich mich davor kaum getraut hätte zu denken:

• Freistehendes Einfamilienhaus in bester Wohnlage
• Ferienhaus in Süd-Frankreich
• Wunschauto
• Französisch lernen
• Promotion
• Jährlich eine ausgedehnte Fernreise auf andere Kontinente
• Erfolgreiche Selbständigkeit
• Finanzielle Unabhängigkeit
• Familiärer Zusammenhalt

Ich lernte, dass Wünsche ihre eigene Gesetzmäßigkeit haben, wie sie wachsen, wie sie sich entwickeln, gleichsam wie die Samen auf dem Acker.
Alle vorstehenden Wünsche haben sich inzwischen realisiert und ich habe weiter Großartiges vor.

So möchte ich Ihnen meine Erkenntnisse als Praktiker gerne weiterge­ben. Denn die bewährten uralten „Erfolgsgeheimnisse“ kann jeder, der an seinem Fortkommen interessiert ist, erlernen und anwenden.

Leben heißt Lernen

Ich habe mich in den vergangenen über 40 Jahren permanent weitergebildet und die Methoden zur persönlichen Weiterentwicklung zu meinem Lebensinhalt gemacht. Aus Dankbarkeit habe ich dieses Blog aufgelegt und eine Coachingbrief-Reihe verfasst, um auch anderen Menschen Gelegenheit zu geben, sich selbst zu helfen.
Dabei habe ich mich bewusst nicht für ein Buch entschieden, das in einer Woche durchgelesen und dann in den Schrank gestellt wird.
Ich biete Ihnen an Sie über ca. 8 Monate begleiten und durch meine Anregungen helfen, dass Sie in dieser Zeit Ihr Leben in Ihrem Sinne gestalten.

Ich will Ihnen erklären, wie diese Jahrhunderte alten Erfolgs-Gesetze funktionieren, Ihnen Anleitungen geben, die inzwischen vielen meiner Seminarteilnehmer geholfen haben, ihr Leben in erfolgreiche Bahnen zu lenken.

Ihr

Jürgen Gräbel

Muchas veces leo cosas, frases, citas y otras que me sacan una sonrisa, porque pareciera que son recetas de la felicidad perfecta. Son ideales de un mundo lindo, de un mundo donde todo está bien.

Hace rato vengo hablando y repitiendo sobre vivir el hoy, disfrutarlo, agradecer lo que tenemos y no quedarnos estancados en problemas de ayer o amargarnos con problemas futuros. Pero encontré éste SOLO POR HOY, de Sibyl F. Cartdrige dentro del libro de Dale Carnegie que estoy leyendo y que realmente me gustó, y es como un desafío para quien se anime a intentar llevarlo a cabo.  son 10 puntos que tenemos que hacer SOLO POR HOY, parece fácil, pero sin duda quien lo logre seguramente viva en un mundo mejor que el de otros muchos.

SOLO POR HOY. Sibyl F. Cartdrige

1. Sólo por hoy, seré feliz. Esto supone que es verdad lo que dijo Abraham Lincoln, que “la mayoría de las personas son tan felices como deciden serlo”. La felicidad es algo interior; no es asunto de fuera.

2. Sólo por hoy, trataré de ajustarme a lo que es y no trataré de ajustar todas las cosas a mis propios deseos. Aceptaré mi familia, mis negocios y mi suerte como son y procuraré encajar en todo ello.

3. Sólo por hoy, cuidaré de mi organismo. Lo ejercitaré, lo atenderé, lo alimentaré, no abusaré de él ni lo abandonaré, en forma que será una perfecta máquina para mis cosas.

4. Sólo por hoy, trataré de vigorizar mi espíritu. Aprenderé algo útil. No seré un haragán mental. Leeré algo que requiera esfuerzo, meditación y concentración.

5. Sólo por hoy, ejercitaré mi alma de tres modos. Haré a alguien algún bien sin que él lo descubra. Y haré dos cosas que no me agrade hacer, sólo, como dice William James, por ejercitarme.

6. Sólo por hoy, seré agradable. Tendré el mejor aspecto que pueda, me vestiré con la mayor corrección a mi alcance, hablaré en voz baja, me mostraré cortés, seré generoso en la alabanza, no criticaré a nadie, no encontraré defectos en nada y no intentaré dirigir o enmendar la plana al prójimo.

7. Sólo por hoy, trataré de vivir únicamente este día, sin abordar a la vez todo el problema de la vida. Puedo hacer en doce horas cosas que me espantarían si tuviera que mantenerlas durante una vida entera.

8. Sólo por hoy, tendré un programa. Consignaré por escrito lo que espero hacer cada hora. Cabe que no siga exactamente el programa, pero lo tendré. Eliminaré dos plagas, la prisa y la indecisión.

9. Sólo por hoy, tendré media hora tranquila de soledad y descanso. En esta media hora pensaré a veces en Dios, a fin de conseguir una mayor perspectiva para mi vida.

10. Sólo por hoy, no tendré temor y especialmente no tendré temor de ser feliz, de disfrutar de lo bello, de amar y de creer que los que amo me aman.

In a recent radio interview, a band member from an internationally known band was asked – “how has your band stayed together for 25 years?” . His answer was “there are no girls in this band.” This response got a big laugh from the female interviewer and also from me. There must be truth in it.

Although we women are big on friendship, bonding, being supportive all that warm & fuzzy stuff, we also have some very counter group enhancing behavior. For example, most women (I know it’s dangerous to say “most”, so let me say women “in my experience”), love to talk about other women in a comparative way.  Dale Carnegie says not to do this, but we do it anyway. There is also a lot of “I’m not going to be your friend anymore” if blah blah blah.

I ran my last business alone. It failed and I thought I would try to find a partner or a support group as I put together my next business. The idea of being an entrepreneur, to me, is to maximize self expression and minimize sucking up. We can all do lots of the latter in a job. In the woman’s entrepreneurial groups I have peeked into so far, I am sad to report, the behavior reminds me of being high school. Why should I share my challenges with people who are going to gossip about me as soon as my back is turned? Why should I spend time with people who expect me to buy from them, just “because” . Numerous women I have met in the last months expected me to do things for them for free to help them grow their businesses. Do they do they same thing when they go to the dentist or the grocery store? I doubt it.

We might think we are more sophisticated because we are calling ourselves entrepreneurs. I don’t see much substance so far. That said I’m open to being surprised.

When you experience tough and trying times, this is when you are being tested and forged into an indestructible powerhouse:

I remember seeing molten iron being poured into a die cast at a CAT plant in Peoria, Illinois, where they manufacturer huge trucks for mining and moving earth. It was an awesome sight! I saw liquid iron, ON FIRE, pouring into a huge mold. It looked like we were inside of a volcano. This incredible process forges the metal into steel, which is one of the strongest materials we have.

Always remember this: Difficult times never last. Your troubles (no matter how serious) are only temporary. You have incredible power within you to get through even the toughest trials. And, each difficult period is an opportunity to develop yourself into a stronger, more compassionate, and wiser human being.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” — Dale Carnegie [thinkexist.com]

So, allow yourself just a small pity party and then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and write down what you want to change and how you can make it happen. Then get to work!

(If you don’t like this answer, then I guess you can use the volcano imagery to imagine what H-E-”double toothpicks” is like…)

© Sheri Jordan and Aunt Sheri Says, 2009-2010.

Here we are at the start of a new working week for us here at The Chamomile Massage Therapy Centre.

On Saturday I left John working hard at the clinic while I went to Brisbane to a day giving info about the launch of the new skin care range containing ageLOC that has just been released in the US at the Nu Skin 25 year celebration. WOW…its very exciting and I am looking forward to being able to experience the amazing results that these revolutionary patented and scientifically verified products are giving.

We also caught up with a couple of friends over the weekend that we haven’t seen for a while and it was so lovely to see them- it is wonderful when you have friends that are like old comfy slippers-no disrespect intended to Jeff & Mon, and Jason . People that you can relax with and who you can just pick up where you left off with..no matter how long ago or recently that you caught up.

The next few weeks will be full on as we not only have the normal appointments but on Sat we start the next Raynor Technique massage class. These courses are very practical-hands on from the first day. John loves teaching people how to massage and  he’s very excited to have a new class of students work with. We always look forward to meeting the new students and getting to know them. Over the duration of the course we get to know most people pretty well and we nearly always find a great vibe develops. The following quote from Dale Carnegie is one that is very true and our massage classes fit right in with it.

‘Learning is an active process. We learn by doing….only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind’ – Dale Carnegie

I registered into Stumble today. And my first reaction to it is “Whoa! so many blogs…so much information!” I clicked “Self Improvement” and began reading voraciously.

Then I stumbled upon a Dale Carnegie excerpt from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and remembered Eddie’s mention about people who read too much about Personal Development. “You meet them 2 years after and nothing’s changed about them. Except that they know 2 more quotes from Dale Carnegie. “
(by the way Eddie Ezeanu’s perspective on readers and doers on Personal Development is here).

But as Dale Carnegie himself puts it “Common sense is not common practice”. There’s all these blog posts and articles around, all of which tell you “10 ways to improve this” or “5 simple steps to that”…and when you read them, they seem so natural, like “How didn’t I think of that?”, “Oh I will try that as of tomorrow.”

And how often do you, actually?

That’s cause it’s easier to acknowledge an idea, and accept it. From accepting, to  internalizing and changing something, it’s a larger step. If we could all change so easily.

I’m now using more my coaching abilities. I write and read a lot on personal development. Did it ever occur to you, when you buy a new car, that you start noticing that model of car everywhere on the street? That’s what I get now. It seems everyone is now into personal development. Everyone’s training to be a coach.
There’s this abundance of resources around us. All of them are pulling us towards living our potential, being more fulfilled.
And yet, in the same society that offers this abundance of resources to grow personally, there’s so many people trapped, feeling exhausted, feeling robotic. The gap here is between knowing the resources are there, and actually using these resources.

My personal belief is that the ones who’re offering these resources are the same people who’re trying to break free.

Go, Freddie, tell’em!

The Knowing-Doing gap resides between when you say “Oh yeah, this is so interesting. I could do that.” and saying “Let’s do it now.” Freedom lies in actually making the choice. Taking the first step to change.

What can YOU do to break free?

Fancy another “Who am I?” game? At 13, he was filing his own tax returns and earning more than his teachers – and flirting with shop-lifting. He has no computer or calculator in his office, which is rented, small and unpretentious. He’s self-confessed as hopeless with technology, thinks Mr Market is often crazy or psychotic. He has a website, but it doesn’t run to images. He likes burgers, coke and t-bone steaks, and eats in the same restaurant most days. He learned the ukulele to woo his first wife, who later found his second wife for him – and persuaded her to move in with him when she moved out. Without divorcing him. He thinks ‘risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing’ and he’s against borrowing. He tasks his daughter with buying hail-damaged cars because they’re cheaper, and drives them till she tells him they’re embarrassing. Getting warm anyone?

Surprising, he isn’t the owner of a local cab company. He’s Warren Buffett. And he’s the richest man in the world. His wealth – somewhere around $60bn dollars of it – has come from investment, but he seems to be as far from Wall Street as you can get (although Wall Street to Dundee, Nebraska is actually only 1,244 miles). Since 1965, he has achieved an extraordinary 20.3% average annual growth in Berkshire Hathaway’s value, which equates to 336,000% over the years – 84 times that of the standard US index fund, the S&P 500. This kind of success makes him a figure of fascination – he has whole blogs devoted to him – as people try to figure out how he does it and, of course, how they might do the same.

Certainly, he seems – in his disarmingly bling-free, folksy manner – to be out of step with the hugely successful investor stereotype. He dislikes speculation, seeing it as something quite distinct from investment. In one of the few widely repeated Buffett quotes that might seem less than gentlemanly, he observed that:

We believe that according the name “investors” to institutions that trade actively is like calling someone who repeatedly engages in one-night stands a “romantic”.

He likes “the asset itself to produce a return, not the price of the asset” – which, as learning and development specialists, makes him someone we can admire.  We can also admire one of his aphorisms, despite its uncharacteristically poetic tone:

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”

He is, of course, of intense interest to other people for a simple reason: he is massively wealthy and it’s only human nature for the rest of us to be both inquisitive and acquisitive. In a recent TV interview with Evan Davis, he revealed a very short checklist for his working practices: 

• Invest in things you’re capable of understanding
• Invest in businesses with intrinsic durable competitive advantage (as he said himself, “We have enough trouble making silk purses out of silk”)
• Ensure the businesses have management with integrity and talent
• Buy at a price that makes sense.

In coveting his wealth and wondering how we might ever compete, however, it’s important to bear a few points in mind. He has never started a business. He invests without borrowing, as a portfolio of investment businesses – where customers pay in advance – gives him the cash to do so. (He sees debt and leverage as highly dangerous, and a major cause of business collapses.) He is happy to be unconventional, think independently and ignore bandwagons and passing fads – but, compared to most of us, he is in much more of a position to be able to.

He is also in the investment business – his business makes its money from the performance of other businesses, and he operates the tiller with the lightest possible hand. As an interviewee from a company he had bought explained, he asks for and contacts them little and rarely: “Just send me whatever financials you’re already producing” was the memorable soundbite. The steady returns he has achieved also belie an aspect that the programme did not explore with him: I think we can assume he has a formidable capacity for analysis.

But what are the lessons from Mr Buffett for businesses who produce things or provide services (as he does these things only indirectly)? The first of three that I identified was raised by the man himself. One of the people he says has influenced him most was Dale Carnegie, author of the famous How to Win Friends and Influence People. Buffett might be a man who remains oblivious to corporate vanities and operates with barely a metaphorical frill, but that doesn’t translate into insensitivity. His lesson from Carnegie was simple but powerful – handling people is a key skill. Buffett credits much of his success (and colleagues and commentators agree with his assessment) on his abilities to persuade, engage and charm. He believes that praise is a business tool, and that encouraging people and giving them aspirations is a more effective way of influencing their behaviour than ‘nagging’. Given that his company’s AGM is affectionately referred to as “Woodstock for Capitalists” – and attracts an enormous audience – his ability to inspire devotion is pretty much unquestionable.

The second lesson is again about personal values: integrity. Not everyone would want to join him for dinner, but very few disrespect him. He is, in another interviewee’s words, “always a perfect gentleman”. Not only does his integrity matter to others – the US Treasury came extremely close to closing Solomon Bros in the early 90s, but was persuaded otherwise when Buffett intervened in person on a Sunday morning (why? Because they trusted him) – but it matters to him. To quote the man himself, one of his key messages to the managers of the businesses in which he invests make this very clear:

Lose money and I’ll understand. Lose a shred of its reputation, and I’ll be ruthless.”

The relationship between business and society is also not lost on him. Reknown for his intention to give the vast majority of his money away, he has so far donated $31bn to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. (Bill is Warren’s best buddy: endearingly they meet up to play chess, eat burgers and drink – what else? – Coca Cola.) Despite this largesse, there is no insistence on having theatres, museums and the like named after him: that’s not his reason for giving the money away. A man with no issues with progressive taxation, he believes that the super-rich should acknowledge that “society has done a lot for them” and that his wealth represents “an enormous number of claim checks on society”.

Possessed of a long-term viewpoint (evidenced by his investment behaviour) as well as not just integrity but social grace, he provides many of us with a valuable potential proverb:

Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”

Indeed, he seems little troubled by the whole issue of personal legacy: his wealth will be largely given away rather than passed on, as he believes that will do greater good. It’s not his value but his values (plural) that he wishes to pass on to his children. For himself, he wants to be remembered for having had a lot of fun – “We enjoy the process far more than the proceeds” – and for having led a rich life.

His apparent down-to-earthness seems to be genuine. This is a man presumably more generally known as ‘The Oracle of Omaha’ as ‘sage’ implies an interest in exotic condiments that simply doesn’t fit. Googling for examples of his wisdom produces many pithy aphorisms that speak of the common sense his shareholders admire so greatly:

You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don’t do too many things wrong.”

The business schools reward difficult complex behavior more than simple behavior, but simple behavior is more effective.”

Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.”

We don’t get paid for activity, just for being right. As to how long we’ll wait, we’ll wait indefinitely. “

Maybe his shortest lesson was one passed on informally. At a dinner with Bill Gates, both men were asked the secret of their success. And both answered with a single word.

Focus.

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Not now does not mean never.  It means not right now but probably some day.  We all have set backs in our lives but if we learn from them they are often helpful.  When they happen they suck beyond belief but if you look for and you expect good to come from it, it will.  Everyone has times when they are blocked from forward progress.  I truly believe that you cannot be a success in life without having failed a few times.  My favorite quote guy had a whole newsletter devoted to quotes about failure. 

Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor — Truman Capote

Develop success from failure.  Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success — Dale Carnegie

Failure’s just another way to learn how to do something right. — Marian Wright Edelman

Now being told not right now is not failing.  It just means you have some learning to do.  We all have some learning to do.  But if we actually use the time during our set back to learn the lessons we need, then there is no failure involved.  If you have ever played the game Life you know that there is a square that says mid-life crisis go back to school which sends you back to the beginning of the game, but you don’t lose any of the money you already have so this square actually gives you the opportunity to amass more money during the game.  So yes it was a set back but at the same time it is an opportunity too.  We all know the Thomas Edison and Babe Ruth analogies so I won’t repeat them.  If you chose to make this an oportunity, if you choose to learn something going forward, if you choose to smile in the face of adversity, you win.

It is our choices . . . that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.  — J.K. Rowling

The choice is yours.  What will you make of the opportunity before you?

Happy thoughts for a happy day!

Be sure these girls are in your Halloween entourage. (And no, they weren’t.)