I considered naming the title “Dane Cook Badly Sucks/Sucks Badly”, at first. However, the statement could almost clearly imply that Dane Cook is not good at sucking, and this is quite far from the truth. Therefore, I am here to elaborate on why “Dane Cook Sucks Well”. These are the two bullet points I intend to hit in this entry:

1. Untrue Sequences and Non-relateable Instances.

2.  Delivery and “Punchlines”(, or lack of).

The effects they exert on any one comedian are damning by the critical eye.

-UNTRUE SEQUENCES AND NON-RELATEABLE INSTANCES.

In the comedic business, a quality comedian will attempt to hit the following:

*Manipulate intelligent and important critera into making people laugh, while being quite accurate.

In comedy, it is required a comedian make generalizations. It is also, however, vitally important that the generalizations be relateable, and always preferably–accurate. The evidence that Dane Cook’s focal point exists within fantasy scenario and the improbable exists all around us. In fact, here is one of the more useful Dane Cook quotes in discerning this:

“Why do people with bad breath always wanna tell you secrets?”

I refuse to answer Dane’s question, since the whole statement has no basis in fact. Comedy is relateability, and the easiest method of gaining relateability is to do so through twisting popular fact. Instead, I will answer Dane’s question with one of my own: “What prompts you to believe that people with rancid breath are compelled to tell you secrets?”. Where is there basis for fact within this statement? Doesn’t it seem rather ignorant? In truth, no, no, no–people with bad breath are no more compelled to tell you secrets than the average human. If a comedian feels the need to talk about day-to-day subjects instead of politics or universal debates, that is their prerogative, and some do it well.

“Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it’s kinda like they’re saying, ‘Here—you throw this away.’”

The above is a quote from another comedian, Mitch Hedberg. Is this statement relateable? Yes. Is it usually true? I would say so. Mitch was relateable and fact efficient. Dane, however, was not.

-DELIVERY AND “PUNCHLINES”(,OR LACK OF).

The subject matter of this link could be considered generic in itself: Crying. Comedy can be a gem at making generic instances funny. However, beneath the exaggerated stage play, acting, and yelling, does it not really seem like something you yourself could come up with? However, I did find a single thing I could relate to within the whole nine minute-seventeen second video.

“And what you do is, you latch onto one phrase you just repeat over and over again.”

Props, Dane. Props.

I do realize, however, that what a person can relate to depends on the person themselves. However, stating a false fact such as:

“You know what’s weird? That the phone always rings when you’re crying.”

…is not a generalization. The phone does not always ring when I cry. And even if it did,  the conversation Dane describes on the phone is both unlikely and at the most a “what if” scenario. This could almost be considered hot air. A means to fill in a few seconds of the stand-up. Dane Cook does this very often. Whether it be his exaggerated and unrealistic sounds and stage play, or much of his script in general. This brings me onto my next point… where are the punchlines for many of Dane Cooks jokes? It seems like many of the endings were only a means to exhibit his swearing ability, and many of the endings only consist of silence, and then moving onto another joke! They are incomplete.

While this impression of Dane Cook is much more immature (and more obviously fragmented), it does a very good job of cutting down Dane’s comedy to what it really is, and illustrates the basic “points” and “opinions” Dane usually tries to instill within the viewers:

These two cons alone illustrate rigid faults within comedy today, and Dane Cook falls within the two categories. However, underneath all of the cons, I can point out a pro or two for Dane’s fans.

-The man does have good vocal quality. I do appreciate vocal quality in a comedian, though their joke execution and the topic they touch are much more important.

-Despite crippling himself with cuss words and swear phrases and a poor script, the way Dane plays the phrases makes you feel somewhat lite. Sometimes he develops an interesting profanity layout. However, Dane chooses to cripple himself with profanity, and not support his points (sometimes) WITH profanity–thus making it seem like his jokes rely more on “FUCK” than an actual point. Instead, we have overindulgence of profanity and not enough plot.

Famous stand-up comedy actor Dane Cook will be loading up his big guns on Modern Warfare 2 for another “Game with Fame” special event. Only for XBox Live Gold Members, Dane will be online on Sunday, December 27, from 10:00 – Midnight ET (7:00 – 9:00 P.M. PT) for some seriously funny battlefield action.

You can send him a friend request and he’ll be online half an hour before the event starts up.
GT: DCook GwF

Here’s a message for all you players, from the mighty Dane Cook.

From/De: Xbox Press

Home for the Holidays with Xbox Live

You’ve wrapped your gifts, put the finishing touches on decorations, and created your version of frosty the snowman in the front yard. Whether you’re spending the Holidays with your (crazy?) extended family, close friends, or just that special someone this year, Xbox LIVE has lots to keep you entertained (and sane) at home during the Holidays. So grab a blanket, a hot cup of cider, and let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

The Gift of Holiday Knowledge

There’s always that one know-it-all in every family, so challenge Aunt Connie or Cousin Johnny to a special Holiday trivia showdown. Tune into a special “1 vs 100 Live” Holiday episode on December 26 at 6:00 pm PT which will feature Holiday-themed trivia, a decked out set, and laughs with Chris Cashman. Didn’t get an Xbox LIVE Gold membership in your stocking this year? No problem. From December 24, 9:00 am PT – December 28, 9:00 am PT, Xbox LIVE Silver members in the US, Canada, UK, Ireland, France and Germany can enjoy the “1 vs 100” premium entertainment experience reserved exclusively for Gold members. If you enjoy making your Avatar bust a move, you can also cast a vote for your favorite dance in the “1 vs 100” Dance Contest (www.avatardancecontest.com) from now until December 26. The winner will be notified on January 4, and have their moves immortalized as an Avatar dance in “1 vs 100.” And, to ring in 2010, tune into another special “1 vs 100 Live” episode on January 1 at 7:00 pm PT, which will test your knowledge of the New Year.

The Gift of Rocking Out

Sick of caroling? Do the jingle bell rock! The new Xbox LIVE Music Games Stores open December 22 making it easier than ever to find and choose from more than 1300 tracks for your favorite music games: “Rock Band” (MTV Games), “Rock Band 2” (MTV Games), “The Beatles: Rock Band” (MTV Games),“Lego Rock Band” (Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment), “Guitar Hero® 5” (Activision), “Guitar Hero® World Tour” (Activision/Red Octane), “Band Hero™” (Activision), “Lips” (Microsoft Game Studios), and “Lips: Number One Hits” (Microsoft Game Studios). There’s no need to argue between Metallica and the Beatles – search, sort, and preview clips from songs in one convenient place on the new Music Marketplace on Xbox LIVE.

The Gift of Fame

We all need a little action (and humor) to snap us out of the Holiday dinner coma. On Sunday, December 27 from 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm PT, funny man and actor, Dane Cook, will play against Xbox LIVE Gold members in “Call of Duty®: Modern Warfare® 2” (Infinity Ward/Activision.) If you want to go head-to-head with the comedian, then Oscar Mike and send a friend request to the Gamertag DCook GwF. Be on LIVE 30 minutes (6:30 pm PT) before the Game with Fame session starts and you might receive an invite to play. It can be your claim to fame this Holiday. For more information, please visit: 

http://www.xbox.com/en-US/community/calendar/gamewithfame/2009/1227-danecook.htm.

With so much entertainment to keep your Holiday merry and bright, remember to dress your Avatar to the nines (or in an ugly Holiday sweater) and check out Major Nelson on Twitter from now until December 31 as he unveils daily deals that will be sure to bring you cheer.

Happy Holidays from Xbox LIVE! Assets for Xbox LIVE Music Games Stores can be found here: http://edelmanadmin.psni.com/public/Xbox%20LIVE%20Music%20Games%20Stores/

Do you know why the song “The 12 Days of Christmas” even exists?  It comes from the medieval tradition for celebrating Christmas, named Festival, which itself was a Christian recreation (the nice way for me to put stealing and butchering) of the Roman holiday Saturnalia.  Saturnalia was a solstice celebration that lasted 12 days in which society was turned upside down and a fool (village idiot, distant relative to the stand-up comedian.  See “Dane Cook”, to reference potential quality).  Anyhow, this festival was taken by the Christians in the middle ages in an attempt to de-paganize December.  The celebration ran from Dec 25-Jan 6.  Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” culminates on the twelfth night of the Christmas celebration.  This is your first random knowledge post from me.  Expect many, since my brain is full of it and I always strive for more.

O Quarentão Virgem Arrazando Corações…

Direção: Peter Hedges

Com: Steve Carell, Juliette Binoche, Dane Cook, Norbert Leo Butz, John Mahoney, Dianne Wiest, Alison Pill, Brittany Robertson, Marlene Lawston, Emily Blunt, Amy Ryan.

Produção: Brad Epstein, Jonathan Shestack

Roteiro: Peter Hedges, Pierce Gardner

Fotografia: Lawrence Sher

Trilha Sonora : Sondre Lerche

Distribuidora: Europa

Estúdio: Touchstone Pictures

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Site Oficial: http://video.movies.go.com/daninreallife

SINOPSE

Steve Carell [Get Smart (2008), Little Miss Sunshine (2006) e The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)], interpreta Dan Burns, um viúvo com três filhas que escreve uma coluna de comportamento no jornal local.

Dan sempre teve uma vida repleta de regras de conduta, mas ele passa a questioná-las ao conhecer e se apaixonar por Marie, interpretada por  Juliette Binoche [Paris (2008), Chocolat (2000) e The English Patient (1996)], a namorada do seu irmão, Mitch Burns que é interpretado por Dane Cook [My Best Friend's Girl (2008), Good Luck Chuck (2007) e Mr. Brooks (2007)], o ator bonitão que está na comédia romantica, My Best Friend’s Girl (2008) ou "Amigos, Amigos, Mulheres À Parte" – que está em cartaz em todo terrítório nacional.

CRÍTICA

O longa metragem "Dan in Real Life" é uma boa pedida para quem gosta de um drama bem leve, com bastante romance e um toque sutil de comédia.

O filme é no mínimo delicioso de assistir, é para um público mais maduro. É um longa bem executado, simples, mas com um enredo muito bem elaborado, que aborda a vida de um homem viúvo com três filhas e uma família imensa que faz de tudo para que ele supere a perda de sua mulher.

Ao mesmo tempo, o longa é engraçado, pois Carell tem umas tiras de mestre! A trilha sonora é muito bonita. Apesar do bom divertimento, é um filme para assistir em DVD, mas se as filas no cinema estiverem muito logas então vá assistir no cinema mesmo, ou procure em torrent.

bom filme!

robs vieira
crítica de cinema

Confira o trailer abaixo

Top 10 Album lists are pretty popular but I’ll be honest: I didn’t listen to enough full albums this year to feel like I really knew what I was talking about. Being a radio guy, I guess I mostly listen to singles. If you want someone who is a real music head, then check out Brad’s year-end best-of list. On the other hand, I did listen to my fair share of comedy albums. I didn’t listen to everything that came out (as of this writing I still haven’t heard the new George Lopez album and I avoid any CD by a member of the Blue Comedy Collar Tour like a Blue Collar Comedy Tour audience member avoids evolution) but I think I caught most everything else that came by. I’ll include clips from the album when I can find them, so just in case you have kids…or office mates…nearby, you may wanna keep an eye on the volume. Most of them contain words that will get your mouth washed out with soap.

10. Stephen Lynch, 3 Balloons
Not my favorite Lynch album, but still worth a mention. I especially enjoyed “Fishin Hole” (Where everyone is a butthole) and “Dear Diary,” a collection of “he didn’t just say that, did he?” tributes to dead celebrities.

9. Greg Giraldo, Midlife Vices
Like most people, I became acquainted with Giraldo through his work on Comedy Central’s Roasts. He’s always teased as “the comic no one has heard of.” Although this is funny because it’s true, it shouldn’t be the case.

8. Jon Lajoie, You Want Some of This
One of four comedians on this list that are comedic songwriters. I used to abhor musical comedians (besides Weird Al) but when they’re funny, they’re funny. LaJoie’s CD not only celebrates the joy of just being a regular guy, but does it to a beat that would get spins on any Top 40 station.

7. Nick Swardson, Seriously, Who Farted?
Swardson, the guy who appears in every Comedy Central show ever, returns to what (I think) he does best. Goofy voices and uncomfortable situations.

6. Christopher Titus, Love is Evol
Released three days after Valentine’s Day, the album is one long rant about someone facing the D-Word: Divorce. As someone who’s been in each phase of this journey, it’s as if someone took everything I didn’t know how to say and said it better. And funnier. I don’t know. Maybe I can just relate because I too once spent some time splitting up with a psycho.

5. Dane Cook, Isolated Incident
Dane Cook got so big so fast, it wasn’t long before the backlash set it. At first he was the cool underground sensation and suddenly he became cool to hate. I don’t get it. If someone’s good, then they’re good. I mean come on, how does he keep coming up with great material…and so much of it! Another double disc. This new collection shows he isn’t just a jokey jokester, but he’s an amazing storyteller.

4. “Weird Al” Yankovic, Internet Leaks
Someone who’s been doing this as long as Al has shouldn’t be on this list. Compared to everyone else on the list, Al’s an old-timer. But his song “CNR” done in the style of the White Stripes and heralding the most surprising of heroes shows he’s still got it.

3. The Lonely Island, Incredibad
My favorite songs on this CD are the ones I hadn’t already seen on SNL. And this CD boasts the best line-up of guest vocalists on any album this year: T-Pain, Jack Black, Norah Jones, Justin Timberlake, Natalie Portman, and Julian Casablancas.

2. Patton Oswalt, My Weakness is Strong
There are some people that are just funny when they’re angry, and Oswalt is one of them. His album starts off with this “I Hate” bit and only gets better.

1. Jim Gaffigan, King Baby
Just when you thought he’d never be able to top his own catch phrase (“Hot Pocket!”) he does it with just one word: bacon.

For those who have seen this I know it is old but I was watching this with some friends and I realised how true and funny this is for many people, so listen and enjoy.

Here is another if you liked the last one.  Chuch!

Artist: Dane Cook
Album: Harmful If Swallowed
Release Date: July 22, 2003

Dane Cook makes me nuts. He’s not particularly funny once you get past the first couple of jokes, and he mistakes spastic gestures and movements for genuine comedic delivery. There’s also the argument that everything he did as a standup comic, Louis CK did five years earlier and ten times better. I mention this because my roommates and I played Monopoly last night, and as has become the norm since Cook became unkillably popular, before we had even finished setting up, someone had to go and be “that guy” and start quoting Cook’s bit about Monopoly (hear it in the second half of the mp3 below). I kid you not just about every game of monopoly I’ve played for the last 6 years has been tainted with someone shouting either “Fuck this game!” or “Where’d you get the pink 50s, grandma?”. Admittedly, I was this person for about a year. And then every idiot who ever watched 5 minutes of Comedy Central started quoting Cook’s “comedy”, shortly before such cinematic classics as Employee of the Month came out. It’s a shame, since there’s something funny somewhere in Dane Cook’s aesthetic. But cheap microphone sound effects and jerky movements only go so far. Fortunately, Harmful if Swallowed captures Cook just before he exploded into mainstream consciousness and started pandering to what people expected him to do, so if you really feel the need to listen to him, this would be where to go.

Dane Cook – Operation / Monopoly [iTunes] (YSI)

==TJ==

The news hasn't been this depressing since the death of Anna Nicole Smith.

            Second runner up:  A wife is having breakfast with her husband on Valentine’s Day morning.  She hints coyly, “I dreamt last night that you gave me a gorgeous diamond pendant for Valentine’s Day.  What a strange dream.  What do you suppose it means?”
            With a wink and a smile, her husband replies, “Well, my dear, you’ll find out exactly what that dream means tonight, and that’s all I’m going to say.”
            The wife is on pins and needles until her husband arrives that evening with an elegantly-wrapped package under his arm.  She grabs it.  Tearing it open; her eyes grow wide as she looks at her gift: 
            A copy of the “The Interpretation of Dreams” by Sigmund Freud.

Get it? When the husband said, "You'll find out exactly what that dream means tonight," the wife thought he meant that he was going to...oh, never mind.

            First runner up goes to this story, told to me by a member of my church, about an older couple in denial about their dead dog.  They brought their pet’s carcass to the vet and insisted he treat the animal.  When he tried to explain that the animal was deceased, they demanded a second opinion, so the vet summoned a yellow Labrador into the room.  The canine carefully examined the dead dog and then looked at the couple, gravely shaking his head.  Still unconvinced, they demanded a third opinion.  The vet complied again, calling in yet another associate, a Siamese cat.  The feline examined the expired dog and, just like the yellow Lab had done, she shook her head sadly.  At last persuaded, the couple left to bury their beloved companion.
            A few days later, the couple returned to the vet, angrily demanding an explanation for the bill he had sent them.
            “One thousand dollars?!  Just to tell us that our dog was dead?!”
            “Well,” the vet replied, “when you figure in the lab work, and the cat scan…”

Get it? The vet charged them for LAB work and a CAT scan because the Yellow LABrador and the Siamese CAT were...Oh, never mind.

             Ah, a classic to be sure, but it’s also a bit lengthy; brevity being the soul of wit, I picked a short riddle that takes Best Joke of 2009 honors hands down:
            Q:  What did 0 say to 8?
            A:  Nice belt!
            See what I mean?  It’s succinct, brilliant, and you have to work for a minute to get it. 
            Those are the Best Jokes of the Year, but what is the Best Hope for the Next, as far as humor is concerned?  Apart from the sudden and permanent retirement of Dane Cook, only one thing, really:  That my four-year-old daughter Weezie would find a new joke.  You see, for all of this year and the latter half of 2008, she has been stuck on an antique knock-knock joke about a cow who compulsively interrupts others while they are speaking.  The 18 months of repetition aside, simply participating in the joke is a Sisyphean nightmare of soul-crushing futility.  If you’re one of the eight people on earth who has never heard it, here it is:
            Weezie:  Knock-Knock!
            Me:  (Heavy sigh)  Who’s there?
            Weezie:  Interrupting cow!
            Me: (Groan)  Interrup…
            Weezie:  MOO!
            Me:  You got me again, Kid.

Get it, Dad? There's an interrupting cow knocking at the door, and before you can even ask, "Who is it?" he...Oh, never mind.

            My best hope for jokes in 2010 is that The Interrupting Cow will contract bovine spongiform encephalopathy and die a mercifully swift death. 
            Won’t you help? 
            You see, Weezie and children just like her all over the world go through each day, for months – sometimes years – on end, in comedic poverty, repeating the same tired joke, over and over.  Won’t you consider sponsoring a child by providing the quips and jests they desperately need, but which we take for granted?  It only costs a pun, a one-liner, a simple wisecrack.  Please send a kid’s joke to newjoke4weezie@gmail.com today.  If your joke silences “Interrupting Cow” in my home once and for all, it will be featured in an upcoming column and you’ll receive a free “I Killed the Interrupting Cow” t-shirt.

You could, I suppose, live without this shirt...if you want to call that "living."

            And, most importantly, you’ll also receive an exhausted father’s undying gratitude.  Please – don’t delay.

Here’s my random thoughts of the day:

• How the hell does a band like train release “Drops of Jupiter”, a horribly saccharine yet super succesful song, and then never be heard of again? Same goes for Plain White T’s, Sandi Thom, Dexy’s Midnight Runner- once you’ve worked out the secret to success in the music industry, why go and ignore it for the rest of your overwhelmingly underwhelming careers?
• Either John Mellencamp is the world’s most egocentric douche, or he’s the marketing guru I wish I could become. Let me explain: supposedly he made a deal with his son that if the kid could get 1 million people to join a Facebook group for his benefit, then he would give up smoking. Semantics aside (this being the stupidest reason for quitting smoking ever), it’s obviously an unbelievably clever (and free) opportunity to thrust himself back into the spotlight- perhaps in time for a greatest hits album? Though it would have to be more of a greatest hits LP- he’s only released five singles, and only one of those (“Hurts So Good”) is actually decent. Oh, and how did I hear about this? By listening to the drudgery of Star FM, which brings me to my next rambling….
• Supposedly Cold Chisel reformed tonight/ last night/ tomorrow/ who the hell cares, for one show only. I’ll admit that even I am impartial to a slice of Chisel (figuratively speaking), and don’t really mind when “Khe Sahn” is played on the radio for the 12th time that day. After all, it’s basically Australia’s version of “Born to Run”, in that it imbibes a sense of patriotism into you whenever you hear it. But is it really necessary, Star FM, to play Jimmy Barnes’ solo material ahead of a group reunion? I swear to Chuck Klosterman, the next time I hear him butcher “River Deep, Mountain High” I’m just going to scream. And not in a masculine manner, either.
• Kristen Stewart is only 4 months older than me, yet is approximately 4 million times more successful than I will ever be. My life is now over.
• Christmas is stupidly commercial. “The Christmas Season”? What a load of crap. How does one day gets its own season? How does one day cause us to put up stupidly kitsch and greenhouse gas-causing lights? How does one day cause so much pain for those without anything to look forward to? How does one day highlight my pseudo-nihilistic existential ponderings through the metaphorical construct that is the delicious turkey? (Alright, I made that last one up.)
• Avatar looks ridiculous. I cannot conceive of any situation where I will watch it and take it seriously. The unintentional comedy made possible by having blue-skinned characters is superb. The amount of Smurf/lizard mating jokes should top the million mark.
• Tony Abbott? Are you kidding me?
• At least he’s better than Fat Joe.
• Australia’s World Cup draw is really not that bad. Germany are admittedly a class above, but Ghana and Serbia should hopefully provide us with a win or two, and a passage through to the round of 16- where, in all likelihood, we would play England, a match that I could not realistically be any more excited for.
• I saw a packet of cookies in my work the other day. They were targeted at children, and came with the subtitle, “Lots A Fun!” Now I’m not one of the so-called Grammar Nazis (just a horrible, horrible title, by the way) but I really do feel scared when blatantly stupid things like this somehow slip through the networks of production. If I ever see a bag of cookies with “They’re full of LOLZ” on it, I promise to light it on fire there and then.
• Ah, I’m gettin tired.
• So very sleepy…….
• Coffee? No thanks, I’m Irish
• Alright, I’ll stop, my jokes are simply incoherent.
• Wait, one last thing: listen to Dane Cook sometime. Having done so, ask yourself this: did he actually make any jokes? I’m not even kidding; he just seems to state facts, puts emphasis on certain words, makes weird noises, AND TELLS THE AUDIENCE TO LAUGH. I cannot emphasise this last point enough. Comedians are supposed to induce laughter through their witty and satirical observations of humanity’s foibles, and not by going, “Hey guys, I just made a fart noise with my armpit! Applaud that shit!”
• I’m going to bed.

I’ve been a Dane Cook fan for about four years now. Ever since my boss’ wife let me borrow his early albums, I have grown to love the hyperactive hyperbole that this Boston-based comedian throws out on stage with swagger, gusto and Energizer bunny like stamina. His material is made up of stuff I can relate to and despite his rock star persona, he seems like a guy you can hang out with. And in terms of comedy, I love that. It doesn’t matter if it’s experimental comedy from Zach Galifianakis, the dark yet dorky comedy of Patton Oswalt or the simply absurd and quirky humor of Jim Gaffigan- if I feel like their material is speaking to me I love it!

However, most of my friends, whom I share comedic sensibilities with, do not find him funny and for good reason- most of them are staunchly entrenched in the world of alternative comedy; an arena Dane Cook is not regarded highly in. Their major criticism is that Cook’s style of telling jokes- fantastical storytelling, is deemed as “not funny in the least.” When I try and say “well that’s how I tell jokes,” I’m met with disapproving silence…wah wah waaaaaah. They also find his subject matter to boring and “only catering to drunk frat boys.” And after seeing him at MSG two years ago, I can say the majority of the crowd were inebriated frat boys and their overly made-up girlfriends. Their gripes are legit- they do not connect with what jokes he’s telling.

However, this blog is not about whether Dane Cook is funny or not, it’s my recommendation to you, that whether you are fan of Dane Cook’s or not, you should really check out his new DVD, Dane Cook: ISolated INcident.

The Black Album: Dane Cook opens up to the world on his latest album

The stripped down feel is in full force throughout the set. Gone for the most part are fantastical observations about parking decks or exaggerated versions of relationships; in its place are real life tales of the loss of both his parents to cancer, insanely intense hate mail, painful relationships and dealing with being “Dane Cook.”

While the set still is rife with knee slapping jokes and lascivious humor, the brutal honesty that Cook brings to this set is remarkable.

You are literally watching a turning point in his career- for better or for worse.

I can see a lot of Cook followers being turned off by this DVD. It’s not typical Dane humor. For me, I’m impressed that Cook “went there.” He really took all his pain and emotion and laid it out in a humorous way. Some might see this as a petulant and ego-driven catharsis, but I see this as maturation. This guy can easily pump out five more albums of the material that’s made him famous. He can tell “the greatest hits” jokes that the crowd at the Garden chanted for during his set two years ago. But he didn’t. He went with honesty and he went with stuff he’s been dealing with. He finally has shown us without the hype, without the hoopla, who Dane Cook the artist really is or at least what he has to offer us.

If you’re interested in seeing what he’s become, rent Dane Cook’s new special and keep an open mind, you may just become a fan.

My husband is producing a spectacular movie called, “Answers to Nothing” and was nice enough to let me be in it!  It’s a wonderful script with a great cast!  Dane Cook, Elizabeth Mitchell, Julie Benz and ME!!  I had such a great time filming!  I thank everyone who was involved; it was such a fun day!  Here are some pics of me that were taken from my camera on set!

You know you’ve made it when your characters name is written and duct taped on your door!

I may look a little crazy in this shot, but that’s just me being focussed!

Elizabeth and I blocking out the scene.  She looks so much taller than me here!  We are almost the same height.  Amazing what heels will do!

Me hoping that light won’t fall on my head!!

Keep your eyes out for the movie!  It will come out next year in 2010!!

I first heard Eddie Izzard on a CD during a road trip with some friends last April. It was hilarious, but after the trip I never thought about him again.

I was waiting for a boy to call me. God, I hate waiting for boys to call me. I want a when, where, and ok I’ll be there see you then. Unfortunately, I find him devilishly attractive so I put up with it.

To lift my spirits, I decided to peruse Netflix and find something to watch. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Eddie Izzard popped into my head. I ended up watching four Izzard specials: Definite Article, Glorious, Dressed To Kill, and Circle. (If you’re doing the math you’ll figure out that watching all of those specials adds up to around ten hours of comedy. I wasn’t waiting around for this guy for ten hours. I watched the rest over the next few days, and over again throughout the next week.)

Now, I haven’t seen a ton of stand up comedy… Immediately Richard Pryor, Dane Cook, George Carlin, and Jeff Foxworthy come to mind from specials on TV. Premium Blend on Comedy Central never has me in stitches. I saw Dustin Diamond at a comedy club in Michigan when I was 15 (funny, but really raunchy. Screech fell right into the gutter)… so maybe there’s an even truer genius beyond Eddie Izzard, but for now all I know is that Izzard is a good thing that I will never have too much of.

Eddie Izzard is super intelligent, educated, informed. Unless he’s just watched a ton of historical documentaries, which he admits he has. A lot of his comedy involves episodes throughout history, from creation to the dinosaurs to the Renaissance to World War Two to the Clinton era. He references people and places from all over the world, and many times while performing he switches between the many languages he knows fluently (English, French, German, and some Latin). I don’t know French, German, or Latin, but it is never a problem because Izzard is also a master of physicality. He mimes, impersonates, makes sound effects, and sings. Izzard acts out entire scenes and it’s as if you’re watching a movie. He will stand on one side facing one way and act out, say, Darth Vader on a lunch line, covering his microphone with his hand to make the voice: “I’ll have the penne al la arrabiata”. Then he will step to the other side, face the other way, and act out the food handler: “You’ll need a tray”. And hilarity ensues. (See link under ‘YouTube is glorious’)

What’s wonderful about Eddie Izzard is that you never know what he’s going to bring up next, and it seems as if he can go on forever. His comedy is straight from the heart, brain, gut, and on the fly. He may stop in the middle of a bit to comment on a random thought that will lead down a hilarious dead end, and then jump back and continue the original bit. If a joke fails, he comments about it and laughs it off with the audience. Characters from earlier bits can pop up suddenly in later bits. Izzard has us in the Trojan horse with a group of eager Greeks, and suddenly, Prince Phillip of England is there. Izzard may also reuse favorite impressions. The story of Noah’s Arc stars Sean Connery as Noah. God is usually played by James Mason. God: “Noah, stop what you’re doing and build me an arc” Noah: “Yeah I’m working on a speedboat at the moment. I think it’s much more exciting, bigger engine in a speed boat, and it can shoot across the water like that…” Noah explains that a speedboat would be better suited for bible pictures… “We can get all the animals with long ears to sit along the side, It’ll look fuckin’ excellent”.

The end of Izzard’s shows are always abrupt. There’s not a sound in the world I agree with more than the “Awwwwwww” of disappointment from the audience at the end of Glorious (before the encore of course). You don’t want Izzard to stop, and he knows it, but he must. Can you imagine how much energy it takes to act out hundreds of characters and make hundreds of noises nonstop for nearly two hours—in high heels!? Izzard must stop at some point, so he simply ends his set and politely excuses himself from the stage. Usually there is some special effect grand finale with music and lighting to dramatize his entrance and exit. To open Definite Article, Izzard appears from the pages of an enormous book, sitting in an oversized chair positioned atop a gigantic pile of books (a profound metaphorical image). At the end of Circle, Izzard makes his bows, puts on an intense face, and stealthily disappears among the forest-like set pieces.

A well-designed set is deeply satisfying. One of my favorite sets was for a Lewis Black show on Comedy Central that was just a stack of big block letters that said, “THE END”. Most appropriate for Mr. Black. Stereotypically a comedian is in front of a brick wall with a stool and a mic on a stand. But once a comedian hits the big time and gets a television special, a set designer may be brought in to build a million dollar set complete with custom murals and lighting effects. Every angle must be aesthetically pleasing for the viewers at home- and that means texture, color, depth! Have you noticed that in the last few decades sets have become most important for television shows that otherwise do not need sets? Eddie Izzard would still be hilarious if he were in front of a white wall. The news would be just as noteworthy and biased if the anchors were sitting in front of a green chalkboard. But then, millions of brilliant set designers would be out of a job.

If you’re looking for a way to relax, soak in a sweet smelling bubble bath and smoke a personal joint while listening to Eddie Izzard. It’s a fantastic experience. Although I viewed Izzard on screen for the majority of my experiences, listening to him solo audio from a warm bubble bath is just as pleasant and hilarious- perhaps even more so. Although Izzard is thrilling to watch, give your imagination some playtime and just listen to him for a while. You’ll find that you can imagine the scenarios and get the joke just as well by picturing the scene in your good ol’ fashioned mind’s eye. There’s a reason comedy sets are available on iTunes.

Should I comment about the fact that Eddie Izzard is a transvestite? It doesn’t even matter. If anything, the makeup he wears enhances his facial physicality, especially in Dress to Kill because that director really loves extreme close ups. Vaudevillian actors and early silent film actors wore heavy makeup to enhance their facial expressions, and the trick still works. In Dress to Kill, Izzard’s light blue eye shadow and red red lipstick compliments his bright blue eyes and wide set mouth, especially when he smiles goofily after calling Hitler a “mass murdering fuckhead”. I’ve watched a few clips of more contemporary Izzard, and maybe it’s just because I’m used to his fantastic highlights and shiny black heeled boots, but he looks too normal now. He kind of looks like a tool. But maybe it’s just the goatee. I’m not a huge fan of facial hair. Sideburns I can cope with. I’d sleep with Eddie Izzard.

What do I conclude about Eddie Izzard? I felt so compelled to write about him, about his genius, about his hilarity… mostly because I want everyone to know about him too and gain happiness from his comedy. I wish this piece was a bit more profound. Honestly, I watched him again for the first time almost three weeks ago and I’ve been watching him nonstop ever since, trying to form some profound thesis… about the brilliance of mime, about comedy when it is a purely aural experience, about education being imperative to comedy… has it all been written about? I have faith that if I keep thinking, at some point the inspiration fairy will knock me over the head.

Mostly I wanted to write this to clear my writing palate before I went to see Men Who Stare at Goats tonight.

Look at the Izzard links. Let yourself fall in love.

Stand up is the least respected of all the performing arts. As if being a stand-up comic weren’t hard enough; the years of being judged by every person who owns a liquor license and a microphone, driving six hours to a non-existent gig, begging moronic agents and managers who are looking for a “new, original and exciting” talent, to come out to see your show only to be asked why you aren’t more “Seinfeld-ish.” On top of that it takes years to develop an act and find your voice on stage. There are child actors, child musicians, tiny dancers and even I would guess a few very young working writers but no child comics. Why? Because stand-up comedy is the only experientially based art form. Kids can tell “jokes” but they can’t do stand-up. Stand-up comedy, really good stand-up comedy has evolved from joke telling into a personal narrative dialogue with the audience.

Still, every now and then some elitist hack with a degree from the right college and the proper connections gets a job at a failing weekly magazine and decides to take a shot at you and your profession, feeling they are qualified to judge this art form because they know how to laugh and talk. This is rarely if ever done with other art forms. Seriously folks, when is the last time you saw an article about actors who can’t act, dancers who can’t dance, painters who can’t paint or pointless “performance artists.” Yet, about every six months some “critic” declares a number of famous comics “not funny.”   

Ms. Sarah Ball of the soon defunct Newsweek is the latest to declare some great comics “not funny.” In her article, which I found on Newsweek.com she lists 12 acts and gives snarky put downs of their talents. I found it interesting that Ms. Ball’s list is mostly west coast, politically conservative/moderate comics. Apparently if you are from New York and ultra liberal Ms. Ball finds you hilarious!

Topping her list is every elitist favorite comedy punching bag Larry the Cable Guy. Larry’s sin seems to be his is a little too lowbrow for Ms. Ball whom I am sure worships at the altar of urinator Larry David, and  christophobe Sarah Silverman. There are a couple of folks working at the top of the intellectual chart. When talking about Dane Cook (I admit, not my favorite) she heaps praise on Louis C.K. (a guy I happen to also enjoy) who also tends towards the scatological for his humor.

Here is another thing that annoys me worst than Barney Frank, several times Ms. Ball demeans comics for being less than original and yet in her writing she uses a number of “stock” lines, clichés and banal comments. She also works for a magazine which recently selected a cover picture of Sarah Palin that was borrowed from a shoot for another magazine and used without contextual reference.

Ms. Ball also apparently hasn’t seen some of the comics she lists in some time. For Emo Phillips she uses an outdated photo, (again Newsweek using a photo out of context!) and critiques the vocal and delivery style he was using in the 90’s. Artists grow and change Ms. Ball; you might want to catch Bob Goldthwaite sometime this century too!  Her total critique of Jeff Dunham is that he is a ventriloquist, a comedy form she declared “went out of vogue in the Eisenhower era.” So did unbiased journalism and accurate reporting, Ms. Ball, but I’ll save that for another blog. Ventriloquism is experiencing a great revival outside elitist circles with Ronn Lucas and Terry Fator being two of the top draws in Las Vegas. While Jay Johnson, Jeff Dunham and Dan Horn wow audiences across the country. It might do Ms. Ball good to get out of Manhattan once in awhile and see what us rubes are doing out here in Flyoverland.

There are a lot of comics who I don’t find funny but I realize that my taste in comedy is skewered by my values, faith, politics and a number of other factors. I would never declare Bill Maher “not funny.” Thought I find his drug addled ramblings repulsive at times I realize that a number of equally intelligent folks find him hysterical. I might say I find his humor “baffling” or call him an “alleged” comedian but to declare him “not funny” isn’t fair to Bill or his fans.

People like different things, that’s why they put numbers on horses at the track. I would expect an open and fair minded progressive person like Ms. Ball to be a little more…what’s that word? Tolerant!

So people have been arguing constantly about whose the better comedian, Dane Cook, and the lesser known Daniel Tosh. Why? I don’t know why. But i do know that they’re both funny comedians and can each hold their own. But who is the funnier out of the two? That’s what I’m here to answer, but before i do that, lets breakdown the acts of both of these guys.

Dane Cook

Cook bases his act around his real life events and beliefs, and makes jokes out of mundane everyday happenings. While using your personal stories may be an advantage if you’ve led an interesting life so far, it also adds to your character. After watching Cook do his stand-up routine, you feel like you actually have a sense of who he is as a person, and what he’s been through. You feel like you actually KNOW the guy. This coupled with his charisma and enormous presence on the stage make Dane an unforgettable performer, but this doesn’t come with drawbacks. At times his ego does take over, and relies on his star power to get the crowd cheering, even if a joke isn’t at all funny.

 Daniel Tosh

Daniel Tosh is a the new guy in the comedy game, but he already was able to score his own show on Comedy Central, Tosh.0, which is based on internet viral videos. Tosh’s comedy is based more on crude jokes and shock value. Tosh’s act is not for the easily offended. His act focuses on being as offensive and spontaneous as possible, which Tosh pulls of very well. His quick delivery and punch lines always leave the audience in shock. Tosh’s lack of a filter between his mind and his mouth is a double-edged sword. Although his seemingly random and crude jokes may his signature, he often leaves the audience groaning in disapproval, and some audience members offended.  

THE VERDICT

Well the jury as spoken. And the winner is……DANIEL TOSH!!! Tosh’s delivery and more on-edge act is what gives him the upper hand. He does not care what you think and says pretty much what he wants, while Cook seems to cater to the audience and tells them what they want to hear. Don’t get me wrong, Cook is still a great comedian, but Tosh has a much more exciting routine. But hey this is just my opinion. You disagree? Too bad.

Also, for those of you who haven’t heard either one perform, these are the most hilarious bits i could find from each comedian. So you can decide for yourself.

Dane Cook- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzcmE4DnnmI&feature=related

Daniel Tosh- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX7LbcPM4LI&feature=related

Don’t go flying out the window Batman fans, Dane Cook hasn’t been cast as Batman’s latest nemesis for the Dark Knight follow-up. In an interview with MTV News, the comedian was asked if he had interest in any new comic book films, to which he replied, “I love the new Dark Knight series and ‘Batman Begins…If they brought back The Riddler—a new Riddler the way they did with The Joker—that would be bad-ass. I would do that.”

Cook goes on to discuss how he would transform into the diabolic brain-teaser:

“When they were making the new one and they were doing The Joker, I always thought it [should be] kind of like ‘The Crow’—having that dark element but still comedic… “It would probably have to be something in that vein, even though I think what Heath Ledger did with the Joker was the greatest comic book villain ever.”

In other Batman news, LatinoReview reports they’re source has confirmed that Batman 3 will be a go, whether series director Chris Nolan returns or not. It’s looking gloomy in Gotham City!

Hiii everyone. i’m new to this whole blog thing so i thought i would introduce myself. i’m from New  Jersey all the wayy! i have a dog and a cat. i want to get a tattoo real bad but my parents won’t let me. they are like nazis. EW.  some of my favorite things are…

Favorite Music: music is like my life. i like really obscure bands like we are scientists and kings of leon.

Favorite Movies: i love pretty much any romantic comedy or movie with dance cook in it. my favorite movie of all time is the mask, you know, with jim carrey. he’s so funny :p

Favorite TV Show: room raiders!!

Fashion: fashion is another huge part of my life. i love to pair crazy things like uggs and some leggings. coach handbags also rock my socks!!!! :p

Celebrity Crush: i‘m in looove with ben gibbord. all his music is so pure and beautiful. i just found out me married some weird actress ive never heard of. ew. :/

once i graduate high school i want to move to new york. i want to get a job in fashion like whitney from the hills. anywayy… that is like my life.

When you already have a headache, awesome things that can happen outside your office window include car and truck backfires, homeless people shouting at passersby, and car alarms.

The only amusing thing is that thanks to Dane Cook, car alarms always make me laugh.

Always.

Because you know what? He got me. He is a silly bitch.

Death is ridiculously unfair.  To some, death is the act of a kind, loving God, seeking to bring home his favoured soul when their time on earth was done, their divine mission fulfilled; to others, death is just the random end of life.  Either way, it’s unfair.

Don’t believe me?  See my examples (and please note I am not calling for the deaths of any of these people; I’m just saying that Death could have made better choices):

Senator Ted "Health Care Reform Is My Life's Work" Kennedy: Dead

Senator Joe "Shut Up And Die, Poor People" Lieberman: Alive

Death is unfair.

George "Brilliant Comedian" Carlin: Dead

Dane "The Actually Funny Guy Is Above Me" Cook: Alive

Death is unfair.

Edward R. "Good Night, And Good Luck" Murrow: Dead and still smokin'!

Sean "Good Night, And You're Fucked Because Obama Is A Socialist Who Wants To Take Your Guns And Your Health Care And Sleep With All The White Women" Hannity: Alive, damn it

Death Is SUPER Unfair. It really is.

William F. "Best Man In The Republican Party" Buckley: Dead

Ann "Best-Looking Man In The Republican Party" Coulter: Alive

Death is really f***ing unfair, and also really really hates the living.

I’m just saying, death is unfair.

VS – 12.15.09

There aren’t any CMAs left.

Merry Friday the 13th. Big split this week, with an all-returning Top 5, and an all-new Bottom 5. Taylor Swift, who I learned from last week’s Saturday Night Live is very tall, remains atop the countdown, again by a handy margin. Following Miss Swift is the 2009 SEC Championship, which has garnered quite a bit of interest over the past couple weeks. That interest exploded last weekend as Alabama basically clenched their appearance. Both Florida and Alabama are considered locks at this point.

Miley remains secure at #3, while Bon Jovi climbs to 4 and the Big 12 Championship, which is a bit murkier even now, falls to 5. That ushers in the bottom 5, where an odd mix of seasonal shows, side projects, college football, and comedy turns up. On the musical side, Not So Silent Night is an alt rock / punk rock ensemble show featuring Muse, AFI, Vampire Weekend, and more. According to Wikipedia, Puscifer is a side project of noted winemaker Maynard James Keenan, who, in his spare time not making wine, fronts a band named Tool.

Rounding out the Top 10 is our first taste of bowl fever, as The Granddaddy of Them All fittingly posts the first appearance of a bowl on the countdown. TCU fans also brought their team some recognition. Finally, Dane Cook is on tour and posts the first showing of a comedian ever on the countdown.

While it hasn’t even been green-lit by Warner Brothers yet, the internet is ablaze with speculation of who the next Christopher Nolan’s Batman villain is going to be. Heath Ledger’s now legendary portrayal of the Joker has turned heads outside of the comic book community, so its understandable that people might be curious to see what comes next.

Likewise, many actors are watering at the mouth to take part in the inevitable film. Dane Cook said in a recent interview with MTV’s Splashpage that he would love to portray The Riddler in the next film.

This comes as a surprise. Many rumors have gone around the last few months regarding the new villain. Names like Philip Seymour Hoffman for The Penguin, and Johnny Depp for The Riddler have been tossed around. Fitting in with the new films’ more serious tone, It comes as no surprise that actors with a comedy background have not been conceived as potential candidates.Possibly due to the reaction Jim Carry got as The Riddler in Batman Forever.

Cook likens how he would like The Riddler to be portrayed as being like The Crow, a dark 90’s revenge movie that coincidentally received a lot of press following its lead actor, Brandon Lee’s (son of Bruce Lee), accidental death during the film’s production.

I have to disagree with Cook on this one. I admit to finding him funny, so long as no one repeats his punchlines in my presence incessantly. But, Cook does not grasp what makes The Riddler unique.

In my opinion, The Riddler, real name Edward Nigma, is neither hero nor villian. He is, like just about everyone in the Batman mythos, simply mentaly unstable. Nigma is a narcissist, he must always prove that he is better than his everyone, and this requires that he give them a fighting chance. As a result, he always leaves clues to his crimes, in the form of riddles, and never kills his enemies when he has the upper hand, instead placing them in deathtraps to see if they can devise a way out. He is pretty much powerless to stop himself.

Comic lore varies on how he developed this compulsion, but in the end it always stems from him trying to receive recognition for his brilliance.

The character went through many changes, going from a criminal mastermind to a public figure; dropping the domino mask of The Riddler in favor of becoming a detective and adventurer, though still maintaining the green-and-purple suit of his rouge days, and being addressed as The Riddler as if it were his job title.

Eventually, Nigma figured out Batman’s identity, but chose not to reveal it for one of two reasons: 1) it is the ultimate Riddle that he worked hard to answer, so everyone else should figure it out for themselves, or 2) he is terrified at what Batman might do to him if he reveals the secret.

All in all, the character is more like John Nash from A Beautiful Mind than Ace Ventura.  Cook should aim his sites at a less defined Batman villian if he really wants to get into the picture. here are some possibilities: Firefly, a pyromaniac with a jetpack; Copperhead, a snake-themed assassin with a hobby of collecting transistor radios; or, most likely, The Crime Doctor, a sociopath who works as a physician and torturer for the mob identified as wearing Elton-John-inspired sunglasses along with scrubs. .

The Crime Doctor. If you have trouble seeing Dane Cook as him, just imagine him doing Su-Fi off panel. Taken from the Comic Treadmill.

What do you guys think of Cook as a Batman villain? Let me know in the comments.