Scharner: Dodgy hair, dodgy goal

Continuing the Microsoft Paint Stories Of The Week series (soon to be re-named ‘Baron-Watch’), this week we once again catch up with Baron Silas Greenback (aka Avram Grant), and it certainly appears that he’s been keeping himself busy of late.

Not only has the amphibious super-villain been officially appointed as Portsmouth manager (as predicted here on Eddie’s Football Blog), but there have also been one or two unexplained events in the past week, both of which I am fairly certain he had something to do with.

Now, as we all know from ‘Danger Mouse’ (the reality TV series in which Greenback featured heavily during the 1980s) The Baron has a history of going to great lengths to create the perfect ‘Kansas City Shuffle’ – a moment in which he makes us all look one way (via a distraction), whilst he sneakily steps in to take over the world. I have highlighted examples of this before…

Stealing all of the world’s sign-posts. Sending tins of exploding custard to every household on the planet. Turning elephants into sugar cubes. Stuff like that. Ideas that could only conceivably be contrived by an evil toad.

Naturally therefore, when I stumbled across an article this afternoon citing ‘mysterious toilet blockages’ on an entire fleet of Cathay Pacific aeroplanes, my suspicions were raised. Perhaps the plan this time is to drain all of the world’s oceans? Think about it… the entire population of earth, all wildly flushing their porcelain thrones at once. The water usage would go off the chart.

Well, it’s either that, or he’s plotting a world-wide shortage of drain unblocking products. Just think of a world without drain unblocking products. All hell would break loose. Indian restaurants would fight and squabble over the remaining supplies and, worse of all, we’d all have to start using bidets due to the constant fear of clogging our own crappers. Yes, that’s right, we’d basically all become French.

I can see the fear on your face now. He must be stopped.

Talking of the French, and insanely long introductions out of the way, this leads me nicely on to the second of the unexplained phenomena that has occurred more than once in the past week. Namely, the act of scoring a goal in professional football, having blatantly committed a handball prior to putting the ball in the onion bag.

Both Thierry Henry (the goal that broke Irish hearts. Well, unless you’re Roy Keane), and Paul Scharner (the ‘1′ in Wigan’s 9-1 walloping at Tottenham) have scored goals of this ilk in the past week. Both have got away with it. My question is how?

Suspecting Greenback, I headed to his lair at Portsmouth’s Blue Reef aquarium earlier this week. Passing myself off as ‘Mr Grant’s Wart Removal Technician’ I gained entry, and this is what I discovered…

I think I know what’s been going on now.

Greenback has known all season that, at some point, he was going to be asked to replace Paul Hart as manager. It’s one of the worst kept secrets of all time. Right up there with Tom Cruise’s homosexuality. However, with this knowledge came responsibility. When he became manager, he was going to have to improve Pompey’s form.

Henry: Giving Greenback's invention the high-five

Knowing that his squad wasn’t anywhere near good enough to stay up on their own, and given that he is an super-villain with a lair, an evil crow assistant, and more than a few masterplans up his sleeve, Greenback got to work on a couple of ideas he’d had to improve his team’s performance. The first of these was injecting a ‘Striker’s Serum’ into Aruna Dindane, in the hope that the Ivorian would end up scoring a bucket load of goals. As you’ll remember, it started with a hat-trick, and ended with a threesome. It turned out that the ‘Scoring Serum’ wasn’t specific to football, and the Baron was forced to abandon Dindane’s regular injections after the goals dried up.

Now though, it looks as though Greenback has a new concept to use. A footballing aid called ‘The Invisible Handball’. Basically it is a specially designed synthetic forearm and hand combination that, when attached to a footballer, is completely invisible to the referee and his assistants. It means that a footballer can control, dribble, and even score a goal with their hand, and the officials will not see any offence.

The prototype was tested by Greenback’s father (Earl Greenback) during the 1986 World Cup in Mexico, on a certain young Argentinean by the name of Diego Maradona. It worked brilliantly during a match against England, but after Maradona refused to remove his new hand because he saw it as a good way to get cocaine past customs officials, Earl Greenback abandoned the experiment. Now, in the knowledge that he’ll be taking over such a poorly equipped Premier League team, Greenback Junior has resurrected it.

The product was tested last week on France Captain (and shaving enthusiast) Thierry Henry, and Wigan utility man (and Austrian style icon) Paul Scharner. On both occasions (as mentioned above) the protagonists used their new hand to score via an unfathomably dodgy handball. This obviously means that ‘The Invisible Handball’ passed its test with flying colours. There is, however, no word on either player having become a coke-mule for an underground gang of Colombians since their match. I’ll keep you posted though.

As ever, Baron Greenback looks on from his office as his evil crow henchman prepares to remove the hand from Scharner, in order to get it attached to Ivorian science experiment Dindane, and ready for this weekend’s visit of Manchester United. So, if you see a dodgy handball from young Aruna this Saturday, you’ll now know why the referee allowed play to continue.

It also seems that MI5 are also suspicious of Greenback’s activities (perhaps they read the blocked plane toilets atricle too), as they sent one of their agents into his lair on the day I was conducting my investigation. However, after failing to desguise himself, and following a cliché-filled chat in the Baron’s office, the vodka martini drinking agent ‘fell’ through a trap-door (that just happened to randomly open below his feet) and into a pool of sharks with freekin’ lazerrrs attached to them. He never stood a chance.

So, whether you’re worried about Portsmouth’s new ability to score goals, the possibility that you might have to cleanse your nether regions like a Frenchman in the near future, or just the concerned about the prospect of reading yet another article dedicated to a cartoon character lookalike, it is clear that this man must be stopped.

Where the hell is Danger Mouse when you need him, eh? Let’s hope that he has suffered the same fate as this little chap…

Gotta check this album out. Dropping 27th of november.

The listing of featured artist is magical. None other than Mos Def, Q-tip, Raekwon, Pharoahe Monch and late ODB is just 5 of the 10 artists that collaborated with the Black Keys band.

The Black Keys is a duo that was formed in Akron, Ohio, 2001. Since then they have released 5 albums including the latest produced by Danger Mouse, and released 2008.

The duo is frequently compared to the White Stripes and their music in the field of blues-rock. Early 2009 they started a project speargheaded by rapper Jim Jones, which results in an album this nov 27th, the so called black friday, day after thanks giving.

The album will only be available on Itunes and independent record stores. So chop chop, cop one the digital way.

The recording sessions are documented in a series of webisodes that can be watched here.

Here´s a sample from the album, but I suggest hardly that you go buy the album. Could be one of the best albums this year.

Coochie – Ludacris & ODB

Enjoy!

Artist: Julian Casablancas

Date: Monday November 23, 2009

Venue: Commadore Ballroom

Julian Casablancas is probably best known for his work with the Strokes. In addition to singing and songwriting with the Strokes he has collaborated with Queens of the Stone Age, Eddie Vedder, Lonely Island, Santogold, N.E.R.D., Albert Hammond, Jr., Pharrell, Danger Mouse, Sparklehorse and more. He has recently finished work on his first solo album “Phrazes for the Young“. Casablancas seems to ooze talent out of his pores. His solo album is a solid listen from start to finish creating memorizing guitar riffs and tap your toes beats. He has been quoted as saying that he wants to present a “series of over-the-top Disney style shows“. If that isn’t enough reason to see him check out some of his work below.

Ticket are available here.

Julian Casablancas works with Santogold, N.E.R.D., and Pharrell for Converse

Julian Casablancas with Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse

Julian Casablancas covers “Mercy Mercy Me” by Marvin Gaye with Eddie Vedder and Josh Homme, now how great is that…

The Lonely Island perform “Boombox” feat Julian Casablancas….sweet

Every Monday afternoon for the past few months I’ve helped run an after school rugby program in Poughkeepsie with my aging college coach.  Tony Brown is a 50 something Brit and bit of a curmudgeon–dominating in conversations and stubbornly anti-PC.  From 4 to 5 each week, we take a handful of students outside and run them around, attempting, without much success, to impose some sort of shape on the chaos that make look something like rugby.  We often resort to playing keep away.

The children congregate in the cafeteria after their tutoring sessions where Tony and I collect them and take them out to the field.  We arrived early one day and found only one student in the cafeteria.  He was wandering between the collapsible tables, ear buds firmly in place.  He didn’t hear Tony the first time he asked him to sit down and only after he took the headphones off of the child’s head did he begrudgingly sit down with us.

The most obvious topic of conversation was music and Tony barged right in.  The only sense of Tony’s taste in music is what I get from the short car trips we share going to and from the school.  He doesn’t have a CD player in the car, nor does he have tapes to play so we amble down the streets of Poughkeepsie listening to Lite FM.  Sufficiently out of touch with anything relevant in the past twenty years, Tony wanted to talk about bands from the 60’s and 70’s.  The kid wasn’t interested.  Unwilling to compromise, Tony forced the poor kid to name classic rock bands.  He couldn’t name one.  Not even after much prompting, including sing alongs and a stunning air trumpet riff from Tony, could the boy come up with The Beatles.

So I asked him if he listened to Drake.  His ears pricked.

“What’s your favorite song?”  I asked.

“Forever.”

“Who do you think has the best verse on that?”
“Wheezy!”

“What about Em?”

“Hc comes AFTERRRR Wayne” he crooned in a Wheezy-esque drawl.

Tony looked confused.  Luckily the track was on the kid’s mp3 player and Tony plugged in the ear buds.  He furrowed his brow and lasted about thirty seconds.  He nodded, handed the player back to the kid and said to me,

“Well, now I have something to talk about with the youngsters.”

The image of my coach wearing those headphones has stuck with me.  Some much time and culture was being bridged in that moment and was more than a little farcical.  The music of our generation has mined Tony’s for so long.  The two share so many aspects and yet, when you sit them down at a table, you get nothing.  The sounds are in such constant dialogue but it is not forced upon us as listeners.  We are not confronted with pastiche and influence.  It certainly is there if we are aware of it and chose to pay attention to it, but it is by no means a requirement of consuming the music.

***

You know that Beatles’ song, “I Will”?  You know, that short little beauty of a track on the White Album where Paul sings the bass line.  Reggae artist John Holt covered it and his track was, years later, sampled by Kanye West for Jay Z’s “Encore,”  his faux swan song from the Black Album.  Before you get too lost in the sample from a cover, Danger Mouse’s critically acclaimed mash-up of Jay’s Black and the Beatles’ White, fittingly dubbed the Grey Album, must have realized this link and paired the two tracks together right?  No luck.  It would have been too perfect, contrived even.  Or maybe Mouse just didn’t know the back story of the source material, never having been forced to investigate.

David Lynch has really nice hair.

As we move closer to year’s end, your humble correspondent will be reviewing the top releases of 2009.  Eschewing the traditional “Top Whatever” format, we’ll just tell you about the stuff we love to listen to instead and let you make up your own mind about how good it is.  In today’s installment, we’ll review two of the more collaborative albums of 2009:  Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse’s Dark Night of the Soul and the latest in the series of Red Hot compilations called Dark Was the Night.  Although the titles suggest otherwise, these albums are companion pieces in spirit only.  But any review of 2009 indie music is incomplete without due consideration of these works.

Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse Present: Dark Night of the Soul

Many of you will know Brian Burton a.k.a. Danger Mouse from his days with Gnarls Barkley.  Sparklehorse is the moniker of one Mark Linkous, who is an accomplished solo artist in his own right and gets props for me as a producer of Daniel Johnston’s Fear Yourself.  Take these two artists and add in the macabre genius of film maker David Lynch and you’ve got one of the more interesting and original projects of 2009.  The album is actually more of a multimedia presentation as it was conceived as a kind of soundtrack to a book of Lynch’s photography.  The kicker is that Lynch only printed 5000 of the books, so if you didn’t get one in that first printing you’re out of luck.  Fortunately, the album stands well enough on it’s own without one ever laying eyes on the book.

The first thing I need to let you know is that not only is the book unavailable, you can’t buy this album in stores either.  The reasons for this are long and convoluted, but suffice it to say that Danger Mouse continues to have some legal differences with the record label EMI that prevent him from releasing DNOTS.  But never fret, like Danger Mouse’s Grey Album, the album is available if you have a positive working relationship with the internet.

DNOTS, like much of Lynch’s film and TV work, is kind of creepy.  The overall vibe is more appropriate for Halloween, despite the fact that it was released much earlier in the year.  There are a number of notable collaborators, including The Flaming Lips’ Wayne Coyne, Grandaddy’s Jason Lytle, Suzanne Vega, Super Furry Animals’ Gruff Rhys, Vic Chesnutt, and Pixie’s frontman Frank Black.  Each collaborator worked on the crafting of their song, although the bulk of the lyrics were Sparklehorse originals.  Each song is a self-contained unit, but put together the collection develops a strange sense of menace that is like a good horror film: you know you’re going to get scared but you like it anyway.  The music more than stands up on its own, even if you don’t know the backstory behind its making, and DNOTS is easily one of the best albums released in 2009.

Various Artists, Dark Was The Night

For almost twenty years, the Red Hot Organization has brought us musical compilations from artists that donated their time and allowed the funds from these compilations to be put toward AIDS research.  The first Red Hot album, Red Hot + Blue was pretty amazing for 1990 and contained a sweet little ditty by David Byrne called “Don’t Fence Me In.”  Now, in 2009, Byrne returns with a band that seems to be channeling the late 70’s Talking Heads from time to time, Dirty Projectors, and offers up one of the best songs of the year “Knotty Pine.”  But that’s not all this album has to offer, not by a long shot peoples.

The bottom line is that this collection is required listening if you want to hear the best of 2009.  Just about every indie rock heavyweight you can think of contributes a song and no one mails it in on this one.  Thank The National’s Aaron and Bryce Dessner for the high quality of the contributions, these two accepted the challenge of producing Dark Was The Night and they delivered big time.  Bon Iver’s “Brackett, WI” is another out-of-the-park hit by this year’s “it” band, and leader Justin Vernon teams up with Aaron Dessner for another beautiful tune, “Big Red Machine.”  Yeasayer contributes “Tightrope”, which whets my appetite big time for their 2010 sophomore release.  Grizzly Bear shows up big, giving us “Deep Blue Sea” by themselves and teaming up with Leslie Feist on “Service Bell.”  The National cooks up some folky goodness with “So Far Around the Bend”, and then Bryce Dessner teams up with Antony Hegarty for “I Was Young When I Left Home.”  The Asthmatic Kitty family is well represented with My Brightest Diamond performing “Feeling Good” and then MBD joining mentor Sufjan Stevens for his techno/orchestral “You Are The Blood”, which I’m sad to say is the weakest track on the album mainly due to its 10-minute plus running time.  Iron & Wine also contribute what I can only call a “song fragment” in the 1:07 “Die”, but one minute of Sam Beam is better than five minutes of just about anybody else.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that the Decemberists contribute one of my favorite tracks, “Sleepless.”

That was just the first disc, folks.  The second disc features songs by Spoon, Arcade Fire, Beirut, My Morning Jacket, Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings, The New Pornographers, Yo La Tengo, Riceboy Sleeps, Andrew Bird, and a duet by Conor Oberst and Gillian Welch.  Again, the weakest track is Canadian rapper Buck 65’s remix of Stevens’ “You Are the Blood”, a song that just seems doomed all the way around.  But other than these small missteps, this is a truly phenomenal album.  As a cross-section of the decade’s best indie rock acts, there’s no better compilation out there.  If you’ve heard of some of these bands but aren’t sure you’re ready for a full-on album from one artist, I’d submit any of these songs (save Stevens’ contribution) as representative of their catalog.  But most importantly, this is one heck of a fun album to listen to and I can’t give it any higher of a recommendation.

“Has anyone seen this guy”?

A woman’s voice pierced through the scattered laughter and the mélange of music. The voice repeated the question and sounded closer as the minutes past. Raj and his group were around their campfire. Morning was approaching and it past the hour the group had agreed upon for their curfew. They were sipping warm beers and telling the tales of their day. They were a laid-back group and didn’t mind regrouping before the next experience, the next forgotten moment, the next sight you’d-have-to-see-to-believe. Out of their group, many of them had been attending Burning Man for only a few years, but the oldest of them who called himself Faeroe, had been losing his mind at the playa for over ten years. He kept recalling previous incidents that no one really cared about but kept asking him polite questions every once in a while to indulge him. Raj was staring into the embers thinking about everything and nothing at all while the two women sitting on either side leaned over him to gossip about another woman they had spent the day with. He had tuned them out, as well as the voice that kept repeating “has anyone seen this guy?”

“Oh my God!” Scarlet snorted and started choking on her beer. Raj looked up as all the heads turned to see what caused such an outburst from Scarlet. A little woman approached their camp, her short arm outstretched which at the end was a Polaroid. Scarlet was starting to laugh giddily and Raj sidekicked her in the shins and muttered for her to “shh” and to behave herself. Faeroe paused from the yarn he was weaving and addressed the woman in his slow, Matthew McConaughey ala Dazed and Confused drawl.

“Hey, little lady. What’s it that you’re looking for?” Silent for a few seconds, she stomped over to him, arm outstretched the entire time. When she neared, she replied, “Have you seen this man? He has my things and I think he might have stolen them.” Feiro casually plucked the Polaroid from her had and took an interested look at it. “Naw,” he said, “Can’t say that I have. When did you last see him?” He passed the picture to the next person who passed it along. “I took off my backpack to get out the brownies and when I turned around, they were both gone. I can’t believe it! I thought this was a community!”

“Hey, man! It is a community and sometimes people in a community steal stuff and are jerks!” Scarlet snickered as she reached for the picture. She was sipping her beer and as she looked down it sprayed out of her mouth. She was gasping for air and was making half-formed sentences involving leprechauns and asking the skies about the location of gold. Raj grabbed the picture as she doubled over her knees in hysterics. The little woman stomped over to where they were sitting, chirring at Scarlet. “Well, er, how would you like it if all your things were gone? No one will help me around here. Unh, well, if see him, let me know.” She snatched the Polaroid from Raj’s hand and clomped off into the shadows.

“Did you see that her? Did you see that picture? It was like a match made in Dublin!” Scarlet said incredulously. “Why did she have a Polaroid? Those have been gone for years! She must have known him from before. Ha! That made my night. Now I can sleep happy!” Bemused, Raj thought for a moment to the last time he saw a Polaroid and agreed Scarlet had a point. His thought did not linger long. It had been a long couple of days and sleep overtook him as the coals replayed his recent memories.

The next morning, Raj was on ice duty. He stood in the long line waiting with an empty bucket for his turn for an overpriced bag of ice. His group didn’t bring many perishable in the way of food, but they didn’t want their supply of beer or beverages to boil in the desert heat, either. As he stood there, he thought of what it must have been like to be at Woodstock 40-years ago. His eyes stopped and gazed over when they reached the garbage. Both the black garbage bin and the blue recycling container were overflowing. Evian bottles lay next to Mountain Dew cans and wax paper wrappers fluttered with a threat to escape every time someone walked by. This was a long way from the 3 Days Peace & Music, he thought. Feeling some benevolent disdain for the trash, Raj made a mental note to not throw his broken toaster oven in the Dumpster when he returned to his New Jersey apartment. He was about to shuffle forward in the queue when the little woman from before dawn suddenly appeared in his peripheral vision. At the same moment, the man from the photo was on the other side of him.

“Booop,” he said in Raj’s ear. Raj was at a lost as to where to focus his attention or what to do. “Excuse me?” Raj asked, unsure if he had misunderstood.

“Booooooooooooooooooooooop booooooooooooooooooooop! I think she loves me!” Raj stood stunned still, even though there was room to move up in line. The man hopped, not unlike a caricature of a rabbit, hands curled underneath his chin to the person in front of Raj. “Boop?” he questioned. The person nervously laughed and the man seamlessly posed with an invisible mic, first holding it to his own mouth, then to his unsuspecting prey.

“Ask me ‘what did I learn at Burning Man.’”

“What?”

“Ask me what I learned at Burning Man!” the bearded, bald-headed man asked, his naked-chest almost visibly growing redder underneath the rising sun.

“Uhh, what did you learn at Burning Man?” the person in front of Raj asked. It sounded like a question about a question.

“‘How to hide my single malt from the crazy bitch who decided it was the perfect complement to Mountain Dew!’”

Raj stared as the woman approached the man demanded that he hand over one of the backpacks slung across his arm. He booped at her in quiet tones and the woman fell silent. She nodded at him as he handed over one of the packs and stood waiting as he booped his way to the front of the line. Raj was close enough to the kiosk to hear the conversation.

“This booping ice melted! It is an injustice to sell water and claim it is ice,” the red-bearded man argued with the attendant behind the counter. The heat was making Raj woozy but it was only a few minutes before the attendant handed over a solid bag of frozen cubes without an exchange of currency. Ice was one of the few items everyone in the camp needed and would pay for. A refund on melted ice? Now he had seen it all. But then, Raj would be damned if the little woman didn’t run over to the man, clasped hands with him and they both paraded away, untwining momentarily to skip around a cluster of people, each dressed in individual colors of the rainbow. The person behind Raj leaned over his shoulder and said, “If there was one thing that I learned at Burning Man, it is not to be surprised at anything.”

Raj made his way back to his own group, hyperaware of the surrealism surrounding him. Every few steps, he looked down at the ground in order not to trip over his own feet. He saw a discarded yellow shirt imprinted with a banana, a CD cover with a dangerous looking mouse on it, and lonesome shoes. Looking up at the sky, the clouds shifted shapes to reveal meanings, only of which he forgot the next day.

(Inspiration was found here, here, here, and here.  (And also from a  recent text conversation between me and my friend.))

This year, we had an insanely dismal turnout for Trick or Treating.

Two years ago, we bought two giant bags of candy and wound up going through a bag-and-a-half of it without giving much more than one or two pieces to each kid.
This year, we bought the same two bags of candy, expecting an onslaught. We got nothing. Rather than handing out a bag-and-a-half of candy, we are now sitting on a bag-and-a-half of candy. That was while being generous toward the end and just throwing small handfuls into kids bags.

I’m starting to wonder if Halloween is slowly dying.

While there are a bunch of us who keep the spirit alive, now grown into adulthood and certainly anxious to see our small babies and yet unborn children able to put on some fancy duds, be someone/thing else for the night, and collect a king’s ransom of candy. For some reason, this time-honored practice seems largely to be lost on this generation’s youth.
Yeah, we had trick-or-treaters. Yeah, most of them were young. Yeah, they all seemed to appreciate it and understood what was going on. It just seemed like there were so few of them. Like, aside from the colder weather, there was something holding them back. Parents, possibly. Lack of interest, maybe. Who knows?
We topped out at, conservatively speaking, 30 kids. At least one of my friends confessed only seeing 2. Some, from what I’ve heard, saw none at all.

If this bothers you or even scares you as much as it does me, especially if you’re a parent, then you’re not the people I’m talking about. Matter of fact, I’ve seen some incredible costumes this year, some of them in facebook pics. Tiny dinosaurs, little pumpkins, and even one particularly badass Danger Mouse costume which I appreciated the most, because it means that you’re teaching your children about what’s good. I’m talking to the people who are crazy.

I’m thinking that, as the paranoia of parenting grows, so must be the restrictions on trick-or-treating. Especially if the kid is of the age where he wants to separate from parents and walk on his own or with friends. Thoughts of abduction and poison candy sit at the top of their mind and simmer and, rather than let their kid out to play, they lock the doors and make sure that the porch light is off. Wouldn’t want the kid to see some of their friends outside having a good time and collecting tons of delicious candy for simply putting on a costume and taking a door-to-door route.

Another part of it would probably go along with the whole obesity “epidemic” which is “plaguing” the young.
You wouldn’t want to put the temptation of a giant pile of candy in front of a child. Especially not when he could get gigantically fat, or already is gigantically fat, or you’re worried about kids making fun of him because he’s fat.
I empathize to an extent. I’m fat and old now. Once, I was young and relatively thin. At least, when I was at prime trick-or-treating age. Did I devour my stash whole? No, I was regulated to one (maybe two) pieces a night by my mother in addition to one (maybe two) pieces packed in my lunch that day. My Halloween candy lasted until Christmas at least, Easter if it was a good enough haul. She kept the stash hidden from me so she could regulate my intake, as any good parent should. Candy wasn’t used as a pacifier back then the way it is now. Kids weren’t fat unless it was genetic.
Oh, and I was not poisoned, by the way. Never even found one razor blade or dirty syringe in my treat bag.

There is a contingent out there who thinks they’re fighting the candy plague. I know this because they manufacture things for them.
While shopping for candy at Costco, I came across a “pencil and notebook 60 pc. trick-or-treat pack”. Disney Princess variety.
Yeah, you hand out that crap, your shit is getting egged. Candy, man. Candy is what it’s all about.
We went out to find our treats Halloween morning. I spotted a bag of mixed goodies. Snickers, Milky Way, Crunch Bar, M&Ms (regular and peanut), Kit Kat, and, of course, the much-revered Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. The bag cost a fair penny.
Success, for me, was measured in Reese’s Cups. The more Reese’s Cups you collected, the better your run must have been. That’s why I always buy assortments which include them.

Aside from the fat problem and the poison candy problem, I guess there’s the abduction problem. This, of course, has an easy solution. Walk with your damn kid if you don’t feel comfortable.
If you’re going to restrain your child from their costumed rights because you’re afraid some crazy perv is going to pull a snatch-and-grab, either on the street or at a house, that’s bullshit. Get up off your lazy ass or be a half-an-hour late to your Halloween Party and walk with your kid. No matter what your kid says, it’s not embarrassing. You can lag far enough behind on the sidewalk that your kid will forget you’re there.

If it’s a weather issue, bundle them up. Under or over the costume, doesn’t matter. It doesn’t negate the point if you wind up being in a jacket. Take the flasher approach and show people what’s under the jacket when you get to the door so that you can prove you’re in costume. Walk with an umbrella.
Just let the kids get out there. Put them in costumes and let them see how cool it is to wear a mask and trawl for candy. Halloween is one of the fun holidays. No pretension, no bullshit, no dinner with the family, just fun. Holding your kids back from this for any reason may leave a small scar, enough to get them to resent Halloween. When they’re your age, they may wind up being one of those houses whose porch light doesn’t come on when the fire siren sounds. They may feel all humbug about it and decline participation, making it that much worse for everyone else.

Don’t let them lose Halloween.

Oh, and, incidentally, get creative. Try to make something instead of buying it from the bag. Some of the best costumes are clever and homemade and usually much more appreciable than the junk they’ll sell you in the Halloween store. Like Danger Mouse.
I wonder if, when I finally have I kid, I can scrounge him up a Count Duckula costume.

Keep fighting the good fight.

—end transmission—

“Not a lot of bling
When he do the thing, bada boom, bada bing
From the womb to the tomb
Get that ricotta, bada bing, bada boom
Doom, your reputation precedes you
Wail ’til you crack and see what “weed” do, you dweeb you”

Who is MF DOOM?
MF DOOM is  the man behind the mask, the man who is feared by all. MF DOOM is the mother fucking man with metal fingers, the mother fucking man with the metal face. MF DOOM is the super villian on the mic. MF DOOM is the lethal partner to Madlib and Danger Mouse. MF DOOM wears Cosby sweaters and looks dope doing it. No one can see the face of mother fucking MF DOOM.

-Jimi Jam Swellco & Swellco #23234b

Need to know more? Check his  site out.

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Artist: Jay-Z + DJ Danger Mouse (With A Little Help from The Beatles)
Album: The Grey Album
Released: February 2004

It takes balls to mess with the music of The Beatles. Too many people love it too much, and are willing to take up pitchforks and torches in the name of protecting it. On the other hand, Jay-Z encourages and enables people to mess with his music, releasing a capella versions of his solo albums for people to remix and mash up as they please. So when Danger Mouse combined The Beatles’ White Album with Jay-Z’s The Black Album, he was bringing two worlds together in more ways than one. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, depending on your willingness to buy into genre-bending projects), The Grey Album is an effective reimagining of both albums.

For the most part, The Beatles are just the backing band here, and Jay-Z takes center stage to shaken and stirred stylings of the Fab Four’s music. As opposed to lesser remix projects which are a simple sandwich job, Danger Mouse runs The White Album through the gauntlet, chopping, splicing, looping, and mashing some of the most vulnerable and telling Beatles songs. Jay-Z’s contribution is more or less on point, a straightforward delivery of arguably his most vulnerable album. As a result you get a very stripped down feeling from an album made purely out of production equipment.

There is, of course, the other story behind the album, the one that sparked a still raging battle between starving artists and the copyright-thumping record labels. I’m not going to verbally pleasure myself and rave about how the companies “just don’t get it”, because we’ve heard that a thousand times already. Both sides have a valid argument, but neither side seems to understand that the landscape for this kind of work is still being painted, and frankly, no one really gets it. In all likelihood this conversation will continue until eventually technology evolves to the next key battleground, but we all owe a debt to Danger Mouse for starting the discussion in the first place.

Jay-Z + Danger Mouse – 99 Problems (samples “Helter Skelter) (YSI)

El macroproyecto del año, promovido por Danger Mouse y por Mark Linkous, líder de Sparklehorse, y con un álbum a punto de publicarse bajo el título Dark Night Of The Soul ha dado un paso atrás, la todopoderosa multinacional EMI ha intervenido y ha privado al mercado de lo que podría haber sido un trabajo muy recomendable para quienes disfrutan del buen pop y del rock.

La nómina de colaboradores era de escándalo, veamos: Iggy Pop, Frank Black (Pixies), Vic Chesnutt, The Flaming Lips, James Mercer (The Shins), Julian Casablancas (The Strokes), Gruff Rhys (Super Furry Animals), Jason Lytle (Grandaddy), Nina Persson (The Cardigans), Suzanne Vega, Scott Spillane (Neutral Milk Hotel). Un párrafo entero de primeras figuras de la música actual y aún falta un nombre: David Lynch.

Web

Fijarse en lo que hace el otro es de las cosas más comunes que ha hecho el hombre desde la prehistoria. Esta fijación, puede ser únicamente por curiosidad o llegar a ser el impulso de copia. Desde el acto de mirar lo que escribe el tío que está sentado a nuestro lado en el bus (que puede llegar a ser interesante) hasta influenciarse del estilo del artista que te gusta.

Siempre ha sido así. Miramos lo que hace el resto y si nos gusta, y queremos lo hacemos igual, o parecido. Lo que pasa, es que Internet ha facilitado mucho este proceso. El hipermedio, pone al alcance de todo el mundo información, diseños, ideas que si no fuese por él, puede que jamás sabríamos de ellas. En esta situación, el riesgo de ser copiado se multiplica por mil. Es aquí cuando entra el juego el copyright, la propiedad intelectual y su aplicación.

Todo esto para decir que, el otro día en clase, me llamó la atención un video que nos enseñó el profesor sobre un personaje que hizo un remix de una canción de los Beatles, metiéndole al rapero Jay-Z. Puede llegar a sonar raro e incluso extravagante, pero hasta ahí todo normal. La curiosidad es que el creador de este remix,  el artista Danger Mouse el año 2004 utilizó el tema de los Beatles sin consultarlo con la discográfica EMI. Ésta exigía los derechos de autor de “su” grupo, pero Danger Mouse se negó a pagarlo. En principio él creó este tema para compartirlo entre sus amigos, pero pronto empezó a correr por Internet, hasta convertirse en un éxito. El 24 de Febrero del 2004 se proclamó el Grey Tuesday, como el día de la desobediencia electrónica. Protestando sobre las censuras de EMI hacia los artistas que usan temas sin su licencia,  ese día se pudo bajar el CD de The Grey Album gratis las 24 horas del día en varias páginas que se ofrecieron voluntarias.

The Grey Album, el polémico álbum de Danger Mouse utiliza una versión a capella de un tema de The Black Album del cantante Jay-Z y lo integra a una multitud de muestras (no autorizada por EMI) del álbum comúnmente conocido The White Album de los Beatles. Por otro lado, The Grey Video es un remix del videoclip de A Hard Day’s Night de los Beatles y varios temas de éstos, con intervenciones de Jay-Z y su tema Encore. El video está muy conseguido y la verdad es que ver a John Lennon hacer bearkdance no tiene precio.

En estos tiempos que corren, es muy complicado controlar que se cumplan los derechos de autor y se paguen todas las licencias. Pero en este caso, EMI no se va a arruinar porque usen algún temilla de uno de sus tropecientos mil grupos ¿No? Por cierto, mezclar a los poperos de los Beatles con el raperazo Jay- Z dan un remix bastante surrealista (¡pero que suena genial!) y me ha hecho pensar en un remix de 2 Many DJ’s en el que juntan en el tema Smells like Booty de Nirvana y las Destiny’s Child. La verdad esque es genial y no tiene desperdicio. Compruébalo tu mismo.

Remixtaríza y deja vivir, amigo.

No meio do meu revival de música industrial (peguei a discografia completa do My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult, ando ouvindo Alien Sex Fiend de forma não-saudável, e voltei a ouvir a primeira fase do Neubauten) baixei uns EBM e acabei decidindo baixar uns alterna-rap junto. Daí, procurando mais coisas do Danger Mouse, acabei achando este album com o Sparklehouse (que acho bem mais-ou-menos), que pelo visto recém foi lançado.

Dark Night of the Soul. certamente é um dos albuns do ano. Danger Mouse, que vem se revelando como um dos melhores produtores da geração dele, reuiu Flaming Lips, Black Francis, Iggy Pop, David Lynch e junto com o pessoal do Sparklehouse fez um dos melhores (e mais Beatlenescos) albuns em algum tempo.

Se até agora o ano tinha sido salvo por bandas que confiam no gospel de acordo com o riff (Sepultura, Kyleesa, Them Crooked Vultures) e das coisas bizarras e inesperadas (PJ Harvey e John Parish, demolidores. Iggy Pop fazendo bossa).  Este é o primeiro cd de uma verve mais convencional que gostei este ano, ainda mais agora que o “alternativo” definitivamente virou o mainstream.

Revenge dá o tom beatlenesco:

Tem pelo menos três ou quatro músicas deste album que ficam na loucurada do Danger Mouse com os Beatles (se tu já ouviu o Gray Album, tu sabe do que eu tô falando, se tu não ouviu o Gray Album, bem, deixa para lá)

Pain é a grande música do album, com vocais do Iggy Pop:

Vale muito ouvir, sério candidato a melhor album do ano.

I work for Sony Music Entertainment as a College Marketing Representative, and right now I’m down in New York City for a big four day meet-up with reps from all over the country that coincides with the CMJ Festival.

Last night, all the alternative and country reps were treated to a full-length preview of Broken Bells’ upcoming album, a collaboration between James Mercer of The Shins and Danger Mouse. It was an amazing event, because we were all given Sony Walkmens with the album on it and then we went on this double-decker bus and was given a tour of the whole city.

The new Broken Bells project is a great step away from the sound of The Shins, and it takes James Mercer’s voice in a whole new context. The production utilizes a lot of synthesizer effects and solid drum beats along with many other electronic flourishes. While Mercer’s voice is recognizable in most of the album, there are points where you can hear him pushing his singing style and going somewhere he hasn’t gone before. I wish I could listen to it all over again, but we had to give the Sony Walkmens when we finished.

After the tour/listening party, we headed back to the Sony Suit at Buckingham Hotel and actually got to hang out with James Mercer and Danger Mouse. Since I was a huge Shins fan in high school, I hung out and Mercer for the most part and talked to him about director Matt McCormick and his songwriting for The Shins.  McCormick directed “The Past and Pending” video for The Shins, but he’s also an amazing documentarian. Turns out Mercer is going to be in one of McCormick’s next films.

Well, that’s all for now. I have to run to the Sony building for some breakfast.

Why is it that so many wedding parties drop the same wretched cliche reception songs like “Macarena” and “Brick House” and the godawful “Celebration” when you could so easily make a track list way more fun and original?! I don’t have the answer for you, but I do have a Top 5 Music Countdown of five alternative songs to rock at your next wedding party!

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Alright, let’s do this.

Gotta get down and dirty with some hot Brazilian electro-rock music!
5. “Let’s Make Love and Listen to Death from Above” -CSS

A little upbeat indie pop to keep the hipsters happy!
4. “I Feel It All” -Feist

French dance music will add some cool, international flair!
3. “D.A.N.C.E.” -Justice

A party isn’t complete without a little Danger Mouse in the house, just avoid the overplayed “Crazy”.
2. “Gone Daddy Gone” -Gnarls Barkley

And finally, had to squeeze in some Jack White in there somewhere, of course!
1. “Steady As She Goes”
-The Raconteurs

Tell me what alternative music you would play at a wedding party — leave your list as a comment on my blog – girllovesmusic.wordpress.com

The girls of Glee are walking on sunshine; image courtesy of static.tvguide.com

Dammit, Glee. Quit hogging the posts!

I don’t intend to catalogue all of the events of “Vitamin D” (which ended with a double doozy — I know I’m gonna love Sue, the blythely devious cheerleading coach played with aplomb by Jane Lynch, mixing it up with the glee club; I don’t feel similarly about Emma’s impending nuptuals). I will say, though, that I liked Kurt’s alliance with the girls and Rachel’s alliance with pregnant cheerleader Quinn (who is dating Finn, Rachel’s crush). I also happen to think kids who abuse pep pills are funny. Ask Lisa Simpson. Or Jessie Spano. 

What I will highlight briefly is that I thought the show’s use of mash-ups were interesting and fun. I highly doubt that kids these days are stringing together Usher with Bon Jovi for strongly-regulated school competitions (my killjoy hunch is that Ohio, much like Texas, has a regulatory body that rules what songs are acceptable or legal to perform). However, that this increasingly ubiquitous format has become so mainstream that no one really seems to care if Danger Mouse pairs Jay-Z with The Beatles or Girl Talk combines Notorious B.I.G. with Elton John speaks to how drastically the way we hear music has changed over this decade.

Or does it? Because the other interesting thing tonight’s made-for-TV mash-ups made clear to me is how similar this is to a time-honored musical tradition: the medley. That the songs just happen to be from different artists opens up the suggestion that popular music is in constant dialogue with itself, contending generic conventions and its attendant identity baggage along the way.

As tonight’s episode was a battle of the sexes, I will keep in character and side with the girls. While I usually do this anyway, I think their mash-up was way better than the boys strained Danny-Zucco-by-way-of-The Strokes routine to Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life” and Usher’s ”Confessions,” which just played too faux macho and triumphant. Also, I think I heard a bit of AutoTune doctoring with Finn’s solo, which is an automatic dq. You better bring it next week, fellas.

I think the girls totally brought it. Mercedes’s selection is Beyoncé’s “Halo,” perhaps an essentializing choice for the show’s lone African American character, but a lovely ballad nonetheless. It is paired with female-led band Katrina and The Waves’s “Walking on Sunshine,” a zippy new wave ode to urgent, addictive sexual ecstacy. I even like the mismatched yellow dresses fine. Initially, they brought bridesmaids to mind instead of girl groups. But I reconsidered after thinking about how the wardrobes may reflect each girl’s personality. Also, I wonder if the sunny color, which alludes to both songs, is a conscious choice to provide contrast to the myriad of dreary social and economic issues that Rachel hilariously rattles off to the judges prior to the girls’ performance. I wouldn’t put it past these girls, and don’t it feel good?

PREVIEW: Download Animal Collective’s “Brother Sport” MP3.

Both Stereogum and Pitchfork commented today on Animal Collective’s latest plans, namely a random, coverless album that’s cropped up on Amazon.com. It’s called Fall Be Kind and is available for pre-order for a mere $11.83. Currently that’s all that anyone knows about the release. In other news, the experimental film that the band’s been working is nearly ready for release. [Previous 20 Watts Coverage: Best Albums of the Year So Far]

Stereogum also premiered a new Ida Maria video today. Ida Maria re-released her song “Oh My God” from the album Fortress Round My Heart, this time with vocals from the legendary Iggy Pop. Stereogum took issue with Iggy Pop’s baritone vocals supporting acts like Jemina Pearl, Danger Mouse, Sparklehorse and The BPA, not to mention on his own jazzy releases. [Previous 20 Watts Coverage: Iggy and The Stooges Get Nommed]

Did you miss the Mountain Goats on “The Colbert Report” last night?  Watch their performance of “Psalms 40:2″ here on Colbert’s website. Colbert had a field day with the Mountain Goats’ biblically inspired latest album, The Life of the World to Come. [Previous 20 Watts Coverage: 20 Watts Reviews The Mountain Goats’ The Life of the World to Come]

For all the European Pavement fans out there disappointed by their NYC reunion, do not fret.  Pavement are scheduled to headline All Tomorrow’s Parties on May 14-16 in Minehead, England, Pitchfork reports.  [Previous 20 Watts Coverage: Editor’s Pick #180: Pavement’s Reunion]

Brooklyn’s own Viva Radio has announced the release of a compilation including the likes of The Dandy Warhols, Jay Reatard,The Fiery Furnaces, Growing, Amazing Baby, and Sebastien Tellier, reports Filter. Entitled The Best of Me + You Vol. 1, the album was recorded between 2007 and 2009 in their Brooklyn studios and will include interviews and songs from some of the station’s guests. To make the offer even more enticing, the disc is available for purchase along with a limited edition Me + You t-shirt. We’re sold!

Filter also reports that Berkeley-based indie rockers the Morning Benders will play several shows with Grizzly Bear and Girls during their Fall tour. The Benders hooked up with Grizzly Bear on the production of their latest album, Big Echo, which was  co-producer by Grizzly Bear’s Chris Taylor. The album is set to drop in March 2010 on +1 Records. [Previous 20 Watts Coverage:Editor's Pick #172: Grizzly Bear's "While You Wait For The Others" (Feat. Michael McDonald)]

– 20 Watts Staff