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So a week or so ago I took two hours out of my life to watch the new Lifetime original movie, The Pregnancy Pact. The movie (I’m intentionally refraining from calling it a ‘film’ so forgive me if I start to sound redundant) is about the shocking spike in pregnancies at Gloucester High School in 2008. By the end of the school year, 17 female students were expecting, four times more than the previous year. Some parents started blaming films like Juno and Knocked Up for Hollywood-izing unexpected, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, other parents ignored the statistic as a blip. And then one of the juiciest non-celebrity gossip pieces ever began to circulate through the news stories – that the girls had all planned and agreed to get pregnant out of some fairy tale disillusion that they could be some ridiculous community of young mothers. Although this theory has never actually been confirmed, the movie version of the events accepts it as a leading probability.

Of course, the movie also highlights the school’s abstinence only policy – one that leads most schools who follow it to exclude all other forms of contraception and sex education from their curriculums. It was definitely an infuriating movie to watch – any movie that depicts the ignorant actions of a group of people is by default infuriating for me because the solution seems so obvious. Despite this, it was also a major guilty pleasure (what Lifetime movie isn’t?) and I was probably chugging a bottle of wine while I watched it, laughing at the over-acting of its cast and screaming when Thora Birch showed up as a reporter covering the story for her video blog. I’ll never forget her huge, blobby breasts in American Beauty.

Anyways, it’s during moments like this that I also tend to offer commentary via my Twitter account. In this case, I was wondering what I would do if my fifteen-year-old daughter ended up pregnant. My initial instinct was to make her get an abortion… but could I legally do that? I decided to ask the twitter-verse. “Can you force your teenage daughter to get an abortion?” And then I added, “Can Danny Bonaduce force your teenage daughter to get an abortion?” because I figured if anyone could force someone to do something, it’s that crazy (allegedly) roid-raging  ginger.

Big mistake. Every celebrity, pseudo-celebrity, wannabe, and has-been has a Twitter account. And sometimes, they search their own name to see what people are saying about them. That’s how the likes of Kelly Cutrone (PR Goddess), Tabitha Coffey (Tabitha’s Salon Takeover), Metric (band), etc. have become my followers on the social networking site. It’s actually usually a really nice, personal way to reach out to their fans. So I really shouldn’t have been entirely shocked when I got a response from Danny Bonaduce this morning saying, “If that is the real question, no you cannot. At least not in America. Unless I’m the father in which case I’d move.”

I’m pretty sure there’s a death threat encoded somewhere in those 140-characters-or-less and I’ve spent most of the day expecting his angry freckled face to leap out at me with a broken bottle. Even though I’m not convinced this is actually the case, I am positive that he just agreed with me as far as making his teenage daughter get an abortion goes.