Christmas in Lagos this year looks very promising.There are a host of shows, concerts, parties,fashion shows, etc lined up and we at GidiNoize just thought we’ll this one with you.

THE OVATION RED CHRISTMAS CAROL

Dunno if u’ve seen the video but theres a video for it which includes various celebrities like Olu Maintain,Wande Coal,Femi Adeyinka,Wunmi Obe,Zacky,Jazz Man Olofin,Gbenga Adeyinka the 1st,Dekunle Fuji, Niyola, Essence, Kefee, Kenny St. Brown, Davina, Artquake, OJB, Foluke Daramola, Segun Arinze, Jedi,Omawumi and many more.All the celebrities featured in the video will be part of the show.

Dress code–>RED

Venue and Date–>To be disclosed later

I gotta say, this is one of my favorite songs to date. Twelve or thirteen years ago, but when I first heard this song as a kid.. I was hooked on the intro! Haha, this was when NYC was booming with music. I miss those days in the 90’s. It’s kind of sad how music is so generic or the artists who deserve to be super stars are still struggling. Don’t worry, it’ll be alright soon. Keep music alive!!!! Oh, what happened to this chick?!

This was my joint back in the day.I was in the shower and started singing it… that voice, damn one of a kind; pure gold. Of course, Raekwon ripped it, he’s so amazing. The way they were using words banging heads with slang like : “boo I love your math”…priceless

Even though a boring formulaic muck-Trey song, Ciara, Cassie- is served to us on the daily basis, real music never dies, the 90s still remains the best decade of music ever.Look at this song, its at least 10 years old and still sounds just as fresh as it did back in ‘97! Davina says it best “..So Good ! So Good…”Many folks didn´t know that she used to be also an engineer for LOUD RCA artists so that´s why her 1998 album is production wise almost flawless and the frequencies stand out nice because she audio mastered her own album.

Davina where are you ? You are missed!

solo version : the sound is siiiick

Last night, Davina, Deena and myself went to the Bristol O2 Academy to see Joe and Ginuwine.  In short, we had a really good time!  Here are some photos:

It was a really good night (despite the fact it was finished by 10pm)!  Both guys’ vocals were on point, Ginuwine did a nice tribute to Michael Jackson that was celebratory without being cheesy (basically they played some MJ songs while he hyped the crowd without singing along or anything like that), and Joe pretended to leave and then came back and performed “No One Else Comes Close” on acoustic guitar, which was the highlight of his set (along with an extended version of “I Wanna Know” – bliss!).  A couple of niggles:  Ginuwine did not perform any of my favourite songs of his, except for “Pony”.  I know that it’s important to perform newer material, especially for the younger kids in the audience who may not know his older stuff, but “When Doves Cry”, “What’s So Different” and particularly “So Anxious” are too damn good not to perform.  And they were big hits back in the day!  This is the second time I’ve seen him live… I’m thinking of sending him a message and letting him know.  Does anyone know his twitter?  He’s coming back to Bristol in December (which is really good! He must like it here ) with Tank and Tyrese to do some TGT stuff… I will probably go and see him again!

Joe looks a lot better in person than he does in his photos, and he did do my favourites: “I Wanna Know”, “No One Else Comes Close”, “Stutter” and “Where You At”.  However, when he did “Where You At?” he said “This is old school!”  Isn’t it only a couple of years old? Hardly what I would consider “old-school”, especially since he did “I Wanna Know” (which EVERYONE sang along with, and he extended it – it was epic!), “Stutter” and “All The Things (Your Man Won’t Do)” – one song that is even before my time and which I am going to download this very evening.  Honour the older songs in your catalogue – especially when some of them are more soulful and bump harder than the new shit that passes for “R&B” these days.  But I was really pleased with his performance – his voice was really good and I’m glad he did such a good job of his songs old and new.

A final question – what’s with wanting a sweaty towel? Ginuwine trailed his towel over him and then threw it into the crowd, which cause the predictable mini-scuffle (at least he didn’t lose his ring like last time at Panache, when the security had to jump into the crowd and bounce everyone out of the way looking for it)… I don’t understand.  Is the person who gets the towel honestly not going to wash it, just because it has Ginuwine’s sweat on it?  That’s kinda gross.  I don’t get it… not even if it were Mariah Carey’s towel would I be that manic.  Le shrug.

But I had a good time, and wanted to share it with y’all – especially as I haven’t updated for a little bit and I don’t want you to think I’m neglecting y’all! I appreciate you reading and I don’t forget it.  Thankyou

Can U Feel It (Mk Dub)_ Chez Damier

Don’t you want it _Davina

Spank_ Jimmy Bo Horne

Freak-A-Holic _ Egyptian Lover

The End is Nigh

In its twilight, Big Brother has become like truly bad modern art. There is a vague and shifting concept applied to a set of variables, a process that never seems or feels as if it will end, and an appalling amount of post-rationalization when it comes to justifying the finished product. On finale night, as Davina McCall fawned (and almost visibly aged with the effort), she seemed not only to be trying to convince the winning housemate of her own worthiness, but also the viewing public at large. She was flanked by psychologists and sycophants, who lined up to gush about why fame hungry wannabe Z was a worthier winner than fame hungry wannabes X or Y. In Big Brother it seems, there can be no wrong result. After all, it’s the public that vote, the public that decide, so to suggest they got it wrong would undoubtedly undermine a key element of the show. As in painting or sculpture (but for very different reasons), there is no wrong answer. But just like most modern art unfortunately, however good or bad, the public have become disinterested.

Infinitely more worthwhile than Friday’s BB finale however, was e4’s decision to follow it with a rescreening of Charlie Brooker’s “Dead Set”, the 2008 spoof that takes this decade’s resurgence of the zombie genre and overlays it on the everyday workings of what was once “the most watched house in Britain”. The action focuses on a Danny Boyle inspired London, about to be overrun by undead zombies intent on chewing the face off anyone living. In a none too subtle yet compelling metaphor, large portions of this bloodthirsty populace turn their attention on the Big Brother house, where the housemates still reside, unaware of the chaotic panic behind the two way mirror. That is until our ballsy heroine bursts in. Kelly, a blood-spattered researcher for the show, is like a cross between Lara Croft and Lily Allen. She has boyfriend trouble and a horde of flesh eating TV execs hot on her tail. To make matters worse, her only chance of survival rests with a handful of Big Brother contestants.

Though it may sound schlocky, the device works, aided by strong acting, a knowing script and good-handed, suspenseful direction courtesy of Yann Demange. E4’s decision to show it on the same night as the BB finale is also in itself interesting, as it may be an intentional flagging by Channel Four of its designs to divert freshly freed up reality TV funds into more innovative and artistic models of programming.

What makes “Dead Set” such a success however, is what a wonderfully tongue in cheek send up of the reality format it turns out to be. The slaughtering of real life former housemates in the green room is gleefully gory, but no more so than their earlier, awkward conversations, where contestants of differing vintages try to tiptoe around the fact they have no idea who each other are. Playing herself, Davina McCall’s end is similarly camp and gruesome, as she is chewed up and left slumped and bleeding against a drinking fountain, a symbolic end perhaps to the genre of ‘water cooler TV’ that shows like Big Brother once dominated. Her second, zombie death is even more satisfying, gratuitously speared through the head as she attacks housemates with a vehemence you suspect she may have always secretly harboured.

More brutal than these post-modern human casualties however, is the send up of the concept and format of Big Brother itself. The fictional housemates are instantly recognisable as well-sketched characters, each performing roles and conventions that would be familiar to any BB viewer. Brandishing their idiosyncrasies as cutlasses, the housemates bitch, bully and backbite their way through the early scenes, in the single-minded search for fame. When later confronted with the sight of the walking undead feasting on corpses just beyond the compound wall, one bleatingly asks if this means “we’re not on telly anymore?” In fact, so faithful is “Dead Set” to its inspiration, that all we’re missing here are the overlaid bird and airplane noises, as zombified housemates feast on each other’s entrails just out of shot.

Most astutely, Brooker has perfectly captured the relationship between housemate and the omnipotent authority that exudes from the walls. Whether they acquiesce completely, or try to ostentatiously display their own intelligence by trumping Big Brother’s manipulations, we are always left with the feeling that these are people who are at the mercy of an unstoppable machine, which they can never fully understand or escape from. On Kelly’s entrance, this core relationship is neatly underlined. Believing her to be a new housemate, the others fall into by now familiar patterns. “Do the public like me, how am I coming across?” asks the composite Grayson, little aware that the man behind the glass now wants far more than an autograph.

These relationships between watched and watching take a sinister shift as the programme progresses, as the housemates remain trapped in the compound, with zombified Big Brother fans and staff roaming the adjacent hallways and control rooms. The visual style here comes into its own. Video screens and monitors dominate the mise-en-scene, as staring zombies eye the bloodstained pixels of the living, with murderous intent. For their part, the living find it hard to face up to such an unreal reality, having been infantilized for so long by the totalising hand of the programme, and the pressures exerted upon BB contestants to be the perfect versions of the public who are watching them. As the walls between watched and watching between to blur and come down, both physically and metaphorically, the show takes on an inevitable and terrifying energy. Tonight’s apocalypse, you begin to realize, will be televised.

In its heyday Big Brother was iconic, a watershed moment in TV democracy, that introduced a whole generation to the wonders of witnessing a live televisual moment that felt almost universally relevant. But recent years have seen the show diminish, and become ever more self referential, to the extent of even recycling the late Jade Goody back into the system as a bona fide celebrity, with disastrous consequences. With art imitating life regurgitating art in a circular motion here, maybe Channel Four could take some notes from “Dead Set”, on how to make next year’s final series go out with a truly bloodthirsty bang.

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I was sitting in the back of the car on the way back from Tetbury today, where my parents and I went for lunch.  I was in a pretty foul mood, for several reasons: since upgrading my Macbook to Snow Leopard yesterday, I’d had numerous application faults, and the latest was that I was unable to use my printer, which meant that I was unable to make a start on the preparatory task I’d been given for uni.  (I’ve since fixed the printer, and after numerous re-installs and restarts, Snow Leopard seems to be working fine now, and has also made my iPod go back to working at normal speed! ) I was then feeling apprehensive at the prospect of having lunch with my parents, because it’s always the same: we go to a pub out in the country, have some standard food and drink, either make stiff conversation or blend into the background while my parents talk to each other, and then turn around and come home again.  I just can’t be bothered to make the effort for something so boring, and playing ‘happy families’ feels so fake.  I then had to get changed to go on this lunch, and I realised that half of my wardrobe is effectively shit, which meant that I ended up throwing a pile of clothes across the room in search of something to wear.  When I found a garment that was suitable, I had to pick these clothes up and put them back on my chair.  I dumped too much hair gel on my head in the midst of this rage, and then had to make it work. (I did.) Then I got downstairs after my mother kept hollering at me to “hurry up”, and proceeded to wait for my parents!!!  If they were telling me to hurry up, why did I end up waiting for them?

So I was in a mega-sulk.  I was listening to Courtney Love / Hole on my iPod and saying nothing, reading American Psycho.  After walking around Tetbury (since it is so tiny, it did not take long), we ended up going for lunch in a place called The Crown.  For the first half an hour, I was quite unimpressed by The Crown.  The decor was a bit run down, but that wasn’t really an issue.  However, my mother ordered a tonic water, and received half a glass, which I brought to her and then brought back to the bar to check that it was meant to be that small an amount of water. (It was.) Then two dogs (why were dogs in the pub?!?! They weren’t guide dogs) proceeded to have a loud fight in the corner, and my father brought over the food menu, which consisted of 6 items, including “lazange” and “cod & chips in sause”.  After clearing up the residue from the bottoms of our glasses, because we were not provided coasters (nor did they seem to exist anywhere in this establishment), I settled on the “lazange” because my parents were getting irritated at my mood and the fact that I could not decide what to eat (they said that we might have to go elsewhere, and I did not want to deal with the combination of their annoyance at my indecisiveness, and prolonging our stay in Tetbury any more than was necessary). It turned out that the lasagne was lovely, and so was the garlic bread that came with it.  The food was that place’s saving grace; still, I don’t think I will be going back there again.

Eventually, my parents engaged me in conversation and things started to improve as my mood slowly lifted.  We talked about my mother’s friend who looks like she is going to die of cancer quite soon, then about certain friends and relatives of mine who have pissed me off either by criticising my every decision (I am not a moron: I know the risks and possible consequences of smoking / using a sunbed / drinking a coffee at Starbucks / spending a lot of money / not getting as much sleep as would be ideal.  I’m an adult and I can make decisions for myself and weigh up the pros and cons.  If I decide to do something, I don’t need you on my back asking me if I’m sure I want to be doing that, because this is my life and I don’t tell you how to live yours. Yes, you are criticising me and my ability to choose what I want to do, and I have had enough of it thanks, so please don’t ‘impart your wisdom’ in the future, because I don’t want it and I don’t need it.) or by suddenly getting indignant that I don’t want to see whatever crappy film they choose, because I am tired of wasting my money on films I have no interest in, and going to the cinema is not a particularly sociable activity anyway, so why is it suddenly such a problem if I don’t want to see your film and am happy just to go to a café and converse?  And when somebody else is busy, I politely accept it, but now that I have other commitments, it inconveniences them and I’m supposed to feel guilty?  No way.

So I let off a bit of steam, my parents assured me that I was utterly in the right and had nothing to feel guilty about, and that to just let the people who were on my back have some space and it would all be fine.  A sensible plan I shall try to adhere to!  We left Tetbury, and I started thinking about other people who have gotten on my nerves.  My thoughts turned to my ex, and my mind went over how I had sent a text message revealing my intent to break up with him to him instead of to my friend Hannah.  He chose to believe I had done it on purpose, that I had orchestrated the whole thing on purpose for an easy escape and to humiliate him in the process.  That was totally not the case, and I tried to explain it and was sorry to have sent him that message; it was an honest accident, and Hannah was meant to receive the message (it even said her name at the beginning!).  But his friends, who had never met me, told him I must have done it on purpose, so he chose to believe them rather than me.  That’s fine, that’s his loss.  I don’t apologise twice, I didn’t want to be with him anyway, so I let him believe what he wanted – I was emancipated at the end of the day. I regret causing somebody hurt like that, but I don’t feel guilty because it was an honest mistake that I had apologised for; to have that apology thrown back in my face by not only him, but other people who don’t know me at all made the whole thing easier for me to just move on.

But thinking about it, I thought that I couldn’t believe that I let him touch me, put his hands on me, kiss me.  It makes my skin crawl, not only because he was so clingy, but sometimes the thought of physical contact makes me shudder.  I’m generally quite at ease with physical contact – I’m quite close to my parents and my friends, hugging them and such.  Obviously, I’m not a virgin so when I’m in the mood to be intimate with someone, it feels right and I’m not forced into it.  But when I put my mind to it, I don’t like people seeing my naked body (and never have); returning to the idea of façades, I try to give off the idea that I am confident in the way I look and at ease with my body, because it makes me appear more confident and flawless.  But in reality, I don’t like feeling exposed and I don’t like being touched or kissed or anything like that.  I have major trust issues, I know that.  Every single person I have dated has let me down in one way or another, and quite a few of them have just wanted sex from me and then got bored, either because they weren’t going to get it, or because they got it and then they didn’t have to pretend to be interested in me as a person anymore.  At times, it makes me sick that I’ve let these people touch me, put their hands on me and use me to further their own pleasure.  Sometimes I wish that I were untouchable; sometimes I wish that I could just disconnect my heart and mind from my body and float off somewhere while people are doing what they want to do with me, to me, for me.  Sometimes I wish that I could be with somebody who really liked me for who I am.  Because I am tired of protecting my heart, only to let somebody in and then it all goes wrong and I am hurt and used anyway.  I guess that whether it’s physical or emotional, it’s the thought that I have been used that makes me really sick, hurt and regretful.

Host Davina McCall has responded to the news that Big Brother will be axed next year. She told followers on Twitter that she was feeling down about the announcement but assured them that the series would return for one last year.

“Hello tweeters, feeling a bit blue,” she said. “Next year is going to be mad! Nothing to lose!”

“I feel OK at the mo, thank you all so much for your lovely words… Yes it is a sad day for BB fans,” she added.

“BB is happening next year and CBB as well. You haven’t got rid of me yet!”

She added that this year’s show has been one of her favourites “in a while” and that she will enjoy watching the show more than ever.

‘Davina, please leave the Big Brother house.’

So here it is, the news many of us have been waiting to hear – granted a few people didn’t want to hear this. Channel four have confirmed that Big Brother is to be axed from channel four after next year’s series. The broadcaster has announced that it is not renewing Big Brother producer Endemol’s deal for the reality show at its autumn programming launch this morning. Another series of Celebrity Big Brother will be broadcast in January before Channel 4’s association with the show comes to an end. Channel 4 is locked into a £180m three-year deal with Endemol which means an 11th and final series will air next year before the curtain is drawn on the show that made household names of housemates such as Jade Goody. Channel 4 will also be looking for more “quirky, returnable series aimed at younger audiences” for its main network and E4, in the mould of Shameless and Skins, with the axing of Big Brother freeing up 200 hours of airtime from 2011. “Big Brother has been our most influential and popular programme over the last decade. Big Brother will leave a huge hole and filling it will involve the most fundamental creative overhaul in our history. We have 18 months to transform the schedule,” said Julian Bellamy, head of Channel 4.

When I heard this news, I have to admit that I was genuinely pleased. The shows popularity has steadily declined over the last few years, and I lost interest in the typical low-life housemates that got in the house just to be on TV and provide ‘entertainment’ to our screens. So yes. I was happy until I read further into the article.. “However, Big Brother is unlikely to disappear from UK TV screens, with another broadcaster expected to step in to pick up the rights from Endemol.” So before we can get our hopes up, we might have to deal with the fact that Big Brother will be sticking around – for the near future at any rate.

This one has been a long time coming, mainly due to the aforementioned Freddie doing rather well in the reality TV show Big Brother and surviving a record number of nominations and being evicted about 3 months after he went in.

The morning after we found out that he was in the house I was sent with a reporter to get some shots of his (rather large) home and to try and track down some relatives. While we were unsuccessful in finding the family at the time, we were able to speak to a gardener who worked for the family, and secure some images of the house, all in time for the morning edition of the paper.

Following on from this we were able to track the family down, and secure interviews and pictures for the Shropshire Star and Market Drayton Advertiser. Lovely family and Poppy the most gorgeous dog you will ever see, again these pictures were taken to a very tight morning deadline, made a little touch and go by a reporter getting lost and a delay in starting the shoot.

The Family

The above image was taken in the dining room of the Fishers home. It was the preferred image from a short series including different crops, although due to time constraints the pose remained the same throughout. I was attempting to place the family in an environment which placed them in their environment and told a little about them (hence keeping the yellow mug on the table). The light was a mix of natural light from a large window infront of the family and a little fill-flash from a bare flashgun on a stand to my right.

Photographically there was now little to be done while Freddie remained in the house. This was not the case for reporters however as stories were required on a regular basis.

One of these stories was linked to a change in name Freddie undertook in the Big Brother House. He was made to change his name from Frederick Fisher to Halfwit Fisher as a requirement for his “promotion” to housemate status. It transpired that the people behind the name change were based in Market Drayton, in an office only a few minutes walk form the Shropshire Star office.

Upon arriving I met with Jamie Jackson, who drew up not just Freddies name change but another, who changed her name to Dogface, and was told that he had infact drawn up deeds to change the name of every person in the Big Brother house before they entered, and thus knew exactly who was going in way before anyone else, and probably the housemates themselves.

Legal Deed

This was quite an interesting image to take, I was faced with the challenge of highlighting what exactly was happening and was faced with quite small print. I took a back up shot on a longer lens with Jamie holding the deed close to his face. This is the classic “look I wrote a book” or “I got a certificate” shot that can be seen in any newspaper. It works, but is also a little dull.

Having got my backup image I then proceeded to set this shot up.  The aperture was an important consideration in this shot, and was set at f13 to keep a high enough depth of field to keep Jamie sharp as well as the deed in front of him.

This necessitated a slow shutter speed, especially as we were shooting indoors in fairly dim conditions. To help in this I set an ISO speed of 400 which allowed a shutter speed of 1/80. Still very very dark, but I also wanted to keep some detail outside the window.

To help balance all these factors I used two speedlights.  The first bouncing off the corner of the room on my right, handily painted white, this helped illuminate the room, but also left some deep shadows and was still al little dark on the subjects. The seccond was placed closer and slightly to my left, angled towards the deeds and Jamie and left on a low power setting It helped lift some shadows and complete the picture.

Shoot with Freddie 18/08/09

Freddie was evicted a few days before this but was still in London filming for the spin offs  ( Big Brother’s Little Brother, Big Brother’s Big Mouth etc).

I arrived with a reporter from the Market Drayton Advertiser Joe Masi, and found Freddie relaxing on a bench wearing a blue dressing gown and smoking a roll-up.  Upon meeting him I soon found that rumours of his twittishness were greatly exaggerated as he is in fact very switched on witty and quite a good laugh to speak to.

After listening to a behind the scenes account of life in the Big Brother house and after, including quite a nice story about how strange it was to be able to walk into a meadow during some free time after the eviction  and see the horizon, as well as being filled in on some very juicy back stage gossip, I was able to tear Freddie away from Joe for a moment to get some images.

The blue dressing gown despite being exceptionally cool was not my idea, I did offer him the option to have a change, but he decided that the dressing gown was more “him” which was great as he wore it quite a lot in the house, and would serve to inject some personality into the shots. All these shots were lit in a similar fashion with 1 bare flash off to the side filling in a slightly underexposed background

Freddie With Poppy

Poppy had to be included again just cause she’s cute!!

Freddie outside

Freddie at the gates

Freddie at home

Bouncing Freddie

We used a trampoline for some fun shots here.

Mid air Freddie

Freddie in the Sky

Freddie in the Canopy

We used a large tree in the grounds for a final few shots

Hope you enjoyed looking through this set, for more images please see: http://www.flickr.com/photos/a_jphoto/

“A terra era lameada. O céu em suas infinitas noites tortuosas moldava
as possibilidades do futuro mundo. O criar e Divino. A criação, uma
dádiva. A origem, remetente. Os destinos, intermitentes.

Sob a pedra, começa a secar o barro. Com a intervenção reduzida surge a
interação. A lama começa a se moldar. A se manifestar, mexer, a ganhar
forma, o contorno vaga pela noite tempestuosa, deixando vazar sua
matéria prima e alterando agora o espaço que outrora fornecera seu
parto.

Mas do céu vem a água que amolece a terra. Para manter sua forma, a
forma precisa ocultar-se da chuva e esperar secar. Desesperadamente
ela procura um abrigo. Encontra. Agora irreconhecível. Nada mais
restara daquela primordial estrutura. Só essência, só origem.

Quando cessará a chuva? Quando?

A chuva cessa vagarosamente. As nuvens revelam a fonte de luz branca
pendurada no céu. Se seguir com o olhar nasce a dúvida: A luz ilumina
a nova e reveladora forma ou é iluminada por ela? A reciprocidade
confundível e hipnótica.

Em pé, segurando o fruto da árvore que a abrigara, uma outra forma,
similar aquela que emprestara o barro ao seu surgimento, parece ter luz
própria e emprestá-la a Lua que totaliza o céu. A definição de belo,
reluzente.

As formas se reconhecem e o dia amanhece. Com o retorno do sol, o barro
esta seco e homem e mulher estão feitos.”

Já estava babando. Cara de idiota e queixo caído. Essa foi a resposta
da Dávina quando perguntei de onde ela era. Linda desse jeito e fala
essas coisas, fatal que fará parte do Coletivo.

I always have a fear that when I start writing so much about my personal life, or even about things which aren’t necessarily personal to me but involve my own thoughts or opinions on a particular matter, I might become a little bit negative or depressed. It’s happened before; I remember when I was 17 and my mother and I had a tempestuous relationship particularly during that time, she found my diary and read all the thoughts about how I felt trapped, how I was upset at her emotional games, and also how I had a massive crush on my teacher and we were quite close… (but not like that, which I had to make clear to far too many people!) It was hard, but it made me see that the more I fixate on certain matters or certain themes, the more I get caught up in a negative cycle.  Perhaps I’ve broken out of it now, I’m 6 years older and in a healthier and happier place (though still not satisfied ), but I don’t want to tempt fate.  I’m like anyone, sometimes I’m down, and I write about it.  I fall in love and get my heart broken, and I write about it.  I don’t really hide anything on this blog, you read it and you’re reading a little part of who I am.  So as well as the downs, I just want to be thankful and appreciative of the ups.

After talking to Davina and Karina about my heart and R (and already knowing what they would say about it), we went to watch The Hangover.  I knew I would hate it, and I did, though there were a couple of parts which got me to chuckle nevertheless.  I was unimpressed by the film and my mind began to wander.  Me and R had been texting during the day (work was boring yesterday) and then my phone ran out of battery so I couldn’t text him back… I was wearing the Opium again and I’d had a boring day at work, which wasn’t proving to be what I expected.  So I was down.

Today has been a totally different story.  I got a cheap lunch at Subway thanks to a great radio promotion on Heart Radio (£1.20 for a 6″ sub & medium drink, bargain!), I had a great day at work as my boss was working from home, I got computer access and I didn’t have to do so much lifting.  The sun was shining all day, I looked nice in my Prada sunglasses and maroon tshirt, and when I got home, I found that my hopes had come true and I have secured funding for university and my Careers Guidance course.  I am so happy and so relieved, because although I would have gotten a loan from the bank had I not received funding, obviously I prefer not to have to pay the money back!!!  I am hoping to use the extra money to finally get my driving licence and get on the road!!!  So things are looking up, and I want to just make a record that I am grateful and I try to absorb the positivity to counter the negativity that I encounter and sometimes can’t help but take in.

As you may or may not know, a year ago I graduated from Oxford University with a BA Hons degree in French and Spanish.  I’m still waiting for that to deliver the promised kick-start to my professional career while I flounder between perfume shops, hospitals and careers guidance diplomas, but one of the more interesting aspects of that degree was the idea of translation.  It relies on two not-so-basic conceits – that you understand what the words mean in the passage you are translating, and that you understand what the author of the passage is trying to say.  These two ideas have to be grasped before you even attempt to replicate what you’re translating in your chosen language, and these two ideas are much more disparate than they may first appear.  Let me break it down for you, because I have a point to make

You can see the word “tree”, for example, and it conjures a certain image in your head.  That image represents what “tree” means to you.  The Spanish word for “tree” is “árbol”.  So you can put “árbol” down.  That’s done… but by doing that, you’re having faith in the fact that the image you see when you think of “tree” / “árbol” is the same as what the author’s conception is.  If for example, the author has a completely different idea in his head, then your translation may be distancing yourself from his/her original intentions.  And that’s just one word; what happens when you have sentences, paragraphs?  Translation takes a lot of confidence and a lot of people-studying and effort to grasp what people mean when they speak; all the nuances behind their choices of vocabulary, their syntax.  At the heart of it: can we really trust that people mean what we think they mean when they say what they say?

I started thinking about this after Saturday night, meeting with Karina and Davina at Las Iguanas for some caipirinhas and tapas (which was delicious).  Karina was talking about a lil’ dispute she was having with her boyfriend (who lives at a distance), because she had a hospital scan (I won’t go into the details on here because it’s not really my place) and was somewhat nervous.  When, after listing his (admittedly inferior) stresses in retaliation to her current stuff, he finally asked “Do you want me to come down and visit you?”, she said “No, don’t be silly, you need to save your money.” (He’s moving)  And he took that at face value, and didn’t come down to see her.  Hence Karina’s somewhat irritated diatribe against him on Saturday night. Now, I know from my knowledge of women’s minds that they often don’t mean what they say, and they can in fact often mean the opposite of what they say.  By saying “don’t visit me”, Karina was sending a message saying “I don’t want you to spend your money, but at the same time I really wish you could come here and support me because I need you right now, and you shouldn’t need me to tell you that because in addition to the fear of this scan, I don’t want to succumb to the humiliation of appearing weak to you and admitting that I want you here with me.”  Me and Davina understood this straight away, but evidently her boyfriend did not.  But who is in the wrong?  I mean, he was only listening to Karina’s words and following them.  Should he have known better?  After all, if he’d said “No” to her in the same situation, Karina said she would have scraped together whatever she could have and gone to visit him regardless (I don’t doubt that this is true).  But then, Matt might have meant “No.” He’s a guy, guys tend to be more straightforward, perhaps more two-dimensional at times.  And Karina would have gotten it wrong.  It’s almost a no-win situation if you can’t navigate the nuances of people’s thoughts behind the words they say… which is difficult when their words tell a slightly different story.  We all have to play translators at times.

I give you another example.  After seeing Davina and Karina, I went to the club to meet B and his friends for the first time (which was exciting).  The night seemed to be an unqualified success: I had a great time at a club I previously had written off, thanks to he and his friends embracing me wholeheartedly.  He and I were quite touchy-feely, we spent the whole evening talking, dancing a little bit, joking with his friends and other people we ran into (he seemed to know practically everyone).  When we got out of the club at 4am, my bus wasn’t coming for another hour, so we wandered around trying to contact another friend of his who seemed to have gone astray, eventually waiting at the bus stop, chatting / hugging / flirting.  Nothing too untoward, a brief kiss on the lips when my bus finally arrived.  So there was nothing wrong with that, right? It was flirtatious without going too far, a fun night without us exchanging wedding vows, a light-hearted night of clubbing with friends and with someone who might become more.  After my last relationship getting far too intense far too quickly (despite my lack of feelings), this should be exactly what I wanted.

Of course, I was still worried that maybe he had gone off me.  Because he didn’t jump on top of me, rip my clothes off and make love to me on the floor of the nightclub, I didn’t know if he still liked me.  I am aware that this is more than faintly ridiculous, don’t worry – and if this had happened, I would be worried in contrast that all he thought of me was that I was an easy slut.  So I was trying to read entirely too much into his actions.  Let alone the fact that mine mirrored his in any case… isn’t it easier when the other person makes the first move?  When they seem to know exactly what to say?  Which I clearly do not.  We texted briefly on Sunday:

Me: “Hey hope u got home ok this morning! I had a fun time last nite, thanx to u and ur friends for entertaining me! How ru doing today, up to much?x”

Translation: “Hi, I hope you somehow didn’t think I was an idiot last night and behaving too drunken / flirty / not flirty enough.  I think I might like you, you need to tell me that you might like me too and that you want to see me again. And preferably at a different venue with just the two of us.“

His reply: “Hi  yeah good to meet u I’m ok just been chillin all day with music and cats lol x”

My interpretation of this: “Hello, yes you were nice enough but I don’t know if I want to see you again, I have not been thinking of you too much today and I was quite drunk last night so pay it no mind.“

The exchange of text messages went on a bit longer but I cut it short soon after because I wanted to maintain an air of nonchalance, as in “I’m not that easy, you don’t have me wrapped around your finger, I have other things to do!  I will talk to you when you happen to cross my mind again, maybe in a day or two, because my life is perfectly fulfilling tra la la.”  The messages and nuances hidden behind words can just as easily apply to silences/ goodbyes, and we need to interpret and translate pauses and immediate replies accordingly.  Today, when I was half-expecting him not to text me (I had resolved not to initiate conversation – air of nonchalance, nonchalance!), I was on msn and suddenly he starts talking to me (he was set to ‘invisible’ so I didn’t even know he was there) and we have a great conversation.  We flirt and joke a tiny bit and he says “ok lover” at one point.  My current interpretation: everything is in a spirit of fun, but we are still flirting with each other and there’s some affection there so this just might work well so DON’T BE A FREAK AND OVERANALYSE THINGS!!! And although I feel relieved, and I feel like I have learned sometimes that it is better to say what you mean, and other times it’s better not to say anything at all, it is obviously far too late for the restraint from over-analysis!  So I’m cooling down and determined to enjoy this flirting stage, whether it evolves or not… because after all, this is exactly what I said I wanted… and I don’t remember any hidden notion behind that when I said it!

The tides are turning in the Big Brother house. Two good boots in a row and still plenty of entertaining characters left. (Trying to catch up today and tomorrow, I can’t wait to see who the new housemates are. Plus I guess I was wrong in my write up for Week 4, it wasn’t this week that was birthday week it is week 6. I thought this week was a great improvement over last week. With Sree gone it gave plenty of other people a chance to shine. We saw a lot more of Karly, which wasn’t really a good thing, and Marcus went up in my books. I still have a soft spot for Dogface for some reason and Noirin really is becoming quite annoying herself. I’m not quite sure what went down with bunny-gate but Noirin really took advantage of Siavash. I believe that Siavash was telling her the truth, based on Karly and Kris’s response and Noirin basically sold Siavash out. It was a very calculated move and if Siavash isn’t punished for his nominations talk in week 6, then he certainly is going to go up.

So glad Kris went, he played his exit interview very cooly though. He probably didn’t understand why he was evicted or why Halfwit is liked so much. The surprise look on Karly and Lisa’s faces was gold when they announced his name. He was just cocky and full of himself. I really think Kris could do no wrong and the way he was talking in the diary room, he had no idea how rude he had been about Halfwit. So I am glad the smug guy got out. However they weren’t as harsh on him as they could have been. I wanted to give the new eviction format some time to settle in, and I don’t know what I said about it in previous write ups, but it really isn’t getting to the juicy details. The two other guests really take away from Davina and the evicted housemate. Plus I always loved all of the videos they put together for the eviction. That seems to all be gone now besides the usual best bits. Like if this was the seventh series would we have gotten a nice clip package of all of Nikki’s screaming? I doubt it. It is especially glaring as well when one of the hosts don’t even know all of the housemates names. They shouldn’t be on there. I say if we have to have another guest, get rid of the celebrity and just keep a psychologist, that is really the most interesting part.

Even though I have a soft spot for Dogface and Karly their testing my patience a little bit. Dogface not wanting to work with Halfwit for the task was ridiculous. Karly thinking Marcus was going to go because she didn’t like Marcus was ridiculous. So they are on watch for this next week.

Noirin fell down in my books, with her move with Siavash and because of that same argument Siavash moved up to my number two spot. Marcus also went up because he saw what Noirin did but also noticed that Siavash changed the story. He seemed to be the most aware of what was going on. Plus I like that Halfwit stood his ground against Noirin not only that night but the next day (and in a hilarious over the top yelling manner). Halfwit is still my favorite, but that might be because I think a lot of these people are unlikeable. Hopefully the new crop of housemates will really shake things up and give me a good favorite. We need an Aisleyne or a Sara in there.

I’m somewhat aware of the events of the next week, which should make it an amazing week if they are doing all the best tasks from previous with some of the best old housemates. I just don’t want these former housemates to take away from the current batch.