All of these films received a perfect 5/5 rating from me, so I’m not going to rank them. They have withstood multiple viewings and I love each and every one like a sibling.

LET SLEEPING CORPSES LIE 1974
Directed by Jorge Grau
Radiation emitted from farm equipment meant to eliminate insects brings the dead back to life. Thanks to a minor accident, a man and woman become travelling companions. Not only do the couple have to contend with the living dead, but they also have a relentless cop on their trail that believes the two are on a killing spree. The zombies in this early entry are visually, the least grotesque of the list. However, they pile on the gore when the zombies are chowing down, which was particularily nasty for the time. A strong story with interesting plot twists and two likeable leads, played by Ray Lovelock and Cristina Galbó, who do an excellent job. The film looks great and the final showdown in the Manchester Morgue is a memorable affair that left me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 1985
Directed by Dan O’Bannon
Two inept employees of a medical supply warehouse accidently release a gas that brings the dead to life. Suddenly medical experiments are reanimating. Sliced half dogs start barking, butterflies pinned to boards start fluttering, and a really gory dead guy needs to be put down. After eliminating their gory new friend they need to find a way to discard his twitching parts. Fortunately a funeral home with a crematorium is right around the corner. They make up a crazy story about rabid weasels, so their neighbour helps them out. This of course releases more of the gas into the air and a group of friends partying in a graveyard are the first to be attacked. This film just kills me. Not only does it make me laugh…hard, it is also very gory. The zombies makeup is awesome. The zombies can actually speak and think. At one point a zombie gets on the police radio and asks the station to send more cops. Another zombie manages to rig up a device to break down a metal door. James Karen and Thom Mathews who play the bumbling employees are hilarious. There is no down time in this film. It is one crazy scene after another. Loads of zombies, copious gore, fun characters, humour and it still manages to deliver some pretty damn intense scenes. The ending is pure horror gold!

DAWN OF THE DEAD 1978
Directed by George A. Romero
Romero’s second film in the “Dead” series follows four survivors who whole up in an abandoned mall. They make a decent go of it for a while by arming themselves, killing the zombies inside
and locking the place down. But tensions begin to build among the group. So when a bike gang invades their safehaven, they are forced to fight for their lives against both the bikers and the undead. Horrifying, intense, gory as hell and occasionally amusing, ‘Dawn of the Dead’ was one of the first zombie films for me, and it quite literally changed my life. My movie life anyway. From that day forward, I had to see every single zombie film ever made. It also upped the ante on my gore expectations for every other horror film thereafter. Once again, Romero creates an intelligent and entertaining horror film that has become an endearing classic. Thank you very much Mr. Romero.

CEMETERY MAN 1994
Directed by Michele Soavi
The film is about cemetery caretaker Francesco Dellamorte. When the dead begin rising after being buried for seven days it’s just business as usual for Dellamorte. His job is making sure the dead get buried after all. It’s about the dead and the living, and loneliness and love. Oh, and it has zombies, decapitated heads, nudity and gore! You could call this one the thinking man’s (or womans!) zombie film. It manages to happily marry an artistic approach with solid dialog and acting, with outrageous over-the-top gory situations. It’s all served up with a hearty helping of black humour. Rupert Everett who plays Dellamorte is just excellent. Cemetery Man sports one of the most fantastic endings I have ever seen.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 1968
Directed by George A. Romero
After her brother is attacked, Barbara makes a run for it, and eventually comes to an isolated house where she seeks shelter. Barbara meets Ben who decides the best course of action is to fortify their shelter. After several hours they discover there is a small group of five survivors holed up in the basement. With plenty working against them they attempt to construct the best plan of action. ‘Night of the Living Dead is indeed the granddaddy of zombie films. Obviously it is not as graphic as Romero’s more recent work but for the time it was pretty risky. The reanimated freshly dead look relatively normal but dazed. Those who were bitten are in various stages of decay and are considerably gorier. The zombies are shown gnawing away on organs and body parts, ripping and tearing away at the human flesh. The effects makeup and action scenes really are outstanding. The feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming and Romero does not reward with a happy ending. It is bleak, cynical and horrifying. Concentrating on the human reaction to the zombie outbreak instead of the creatures themselves allowed Romero to make some interesting and thought-provoking commentary. It is the manner in which he handles his subject that results in a truly eerie and memorable experience. A classic in every sense of the word. You can read my full review of Night of The Living Dead by clicking here.

PLANET TERROR 2007
Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Lt. Muldoon is making a business transaction on behalf of the military for a biochemical weapon known as “Project Terror”. During the transaction the scientist who created it intentionally releases it into the air. Meanwhile elsewhere in rural Texas an unhappy and abused wife/nurse is arranging to leave her doctor husband. In another part of town Cherry Darling, who has just quit her job, stops at the Bone Shack for something to eat when she runs in to ex boyfriend El Wray. Eventually the various survivors come together, and the ragtag group work together to fight for their lives and save the world. I love everything about this film, but Cherry’s machine gun leg is the coolest fucking thing on the planet! Great cast, tons of energy, action-packed with kickass effects. This film rocks!

ZOMBI 2 1979
Directed by Lucio Fulci
A boat arrives in New York with a zombie on board but no passengers. The boat belongs to Anne’s father and she wants answers. She hooks up with a journalist and the two investigate her fathers disappearance. They travel to an island where they meet Dr Menard, and they soon find out that a plague has taken over that is bringing the dead back to life and hungry for human flesh. Maggots and worms is what makes Fulci’s Zombie films extra special. Well maggots and worms and deliciously disgusting makeup. Fulci zombies are gross with a capital “G”! If you enjoy Fulci, then you gotta love the gore. Entrails, eye-gouging and the infamous ‘zombie bites shark’ under water sequence.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD 2004
Directed by Edgar Wright
Shaun is dumped by girlfriend Liz and vows to get his shit together to win her back. The plan is put on the backburner however, due to a recent infestation of zombies. Shaun, along with best pal and roommate Ed, bravely go about saving friends and family and head to the safest place they know…their favorite pub, The Winchester. Shaun of the dead manages to be both hilarious and intense. The scene with Shaun and his mum almost brought a wee tear to my eye. An excellent cast with perfect chemistry that create characters you actually care about. Did I mention zombies? There are a shitload of zombies!

DEAD ALIVE (aka Braindead) 1992
Directed by Peter Jackson
This is Dead Alive’s second appearance on a Dungeon list. It held the number one spot in my “Five Films that Feature Bad Ass Mom’s“. An overbearing mother is bit by a rare Sumatran Rat Monkey while spying on her son and his date at the zoo. She rapidly becomes ill and dies. Unfortunately, she comes back as a zombie. If he thought mom was demanding before, he hasn’t seen anything yet! She starts chomping on people like crazy and soon her son has a gaggle of zombies to contend with. Trying to balance a new relationship while attending to the undead proves to be a challenge. When a creepy uncle shows up for mom’s funeral things spiral out of control. I haven’t a clue how many times I’ve watched this film over the years! The effects in this film are outrageous and bloody amazing. It is insanely gory! Among its numerous memorable scenes are zombies fornicating and giving birth to a little zombie baby. It wins hands down as the best use of a lawnmower in a horror film!

EVIL DEAD/EVIL DEAD 2/ARMY OF DARKNESS 1981/1987/1992
Directed by Sam Raimi
The series starts with five friends who go to stay in a cabin in the woods. They innocently play a tape they find that happens to be translated passages from the Necronomicon or “Book of The Dead”. Evil most foul is unleashed on their asses. I didn’t want any sequels on the list and I already have one director with two films (Romero, of course!) so I’m packaging these ones together. All 3 of these films are fun as hell! The effects are great, it is high energy, fast paced and hilarious! And of course there is Ash, the handsome smart-ass S-Mart employee played by Bruce Campbell. Campbell can definitely take at least some of the credit for the success of this triology. I could quote more lines from these three films than the other seven combined. I believe this is the first and only time that I have seen a woman raped by a tree.

So, there I was, fiddling around with some yarn… and *poof*, I made a zombie!

Well, really, I was looking at my stash of yarn and discovered that I had the color I refer to as “Romero blue”. You know, the color of the zombies in George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead” from 1978. I sat there, trying to think of what I could possibly use this color for, when it dawned on me. Why not make a zombie?

This is the first time I’ve crocheted anything not using a pattern at all, and I’m pretty pleased with the result. Plus, all three kids think it is super-cool, so I win!

Depois de “Shaun Of The Dead”, ainda tinha gente que duvidava de que é possível rir e render milhões com um filme de comédia sobre zumbis? “Zombieland” é a prova cabal disso. Aliás, não só simplesmente rir, estamos falando de uma ótima comédia com toques de ação e terror. E também, não só render milhões. A produção do diretor estreante Ruben Fleischer, que estreou nos EUA em 2 de outubro e tem lançamento previsto para 4 de dezembro aqui no Brasil, já se tornou o filme sobre zumbis mais rentável da história, arrecadando em bilheterias mais de US$ 60 milhões em 17 dias, desbancando o remake “Dawn Of The Dead” de 2004.

Na história, Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg, de “Adventureland”) se vê obrigado a unir forças com o cowboy badass motherfucker Talahassee (Woody Harrelson) enquanto atravessam os EUA devastados por uma massiva proliferação de zumbis. No caminho, eles topam com as irmãs Wichita (Emma Stone, de “Superbad”) e Little Rock (Abigail Breslin, “A Pequena Miss Sunshine”) que, após demonstrarem seus meios pouco ortodoxos de sobrevivência, os convencem de seguir para um parque de diversões na Califórnia onde, até onde se sabe, os zumbis ainda não chegaram.

Na verdade, enquanto todos lutam pela salvação, Talahassee está em busca do último ‘twinkie’ (tipo um bolinho Ana Maria) do planeta. E num mundo infestado de humanos infectados transformados em cadáveres ambulantes, o personagem de Woody Harrelson vai chutar bundas com estilo para continuar vivo em sua jornada pelo ‘twinkie’ perdido (há!). Sem dúvida, esse veterano em meio a um elenco de jovens estrelas ascendentes, se destaca e dá um brilho a mais ao valentão Talahassee.

Outro destaque de “Zombieland” é o guia de como sobreviver num mundo infestado por zumbis de Columbus. São algumas pontuais regras que lembram em muito o conteúdo do livro “Guia de Sobrevivência Aos Zumbis” de Max Brooks. Até o final do filme, a lista soma trinta e três regras, mas só algumas são expostas, e de forma bastante irreverente, assim como feito também em teasers durante a campanha de divulgação da produção.

No início de dezembro, portanto, o Brasil terá a oportunidade de conferir um dos melhores lançamentos de 2009, que promente agradar a fãs do terror, comédia e ação, contando com ótimos efeitos, divertidíssimas cenas de destruição e extermínio de zumbis, personagens carismáticos e uma edição primorosa. Temos ainda como a cereja do bolo a participação brilhante de Bill Murray interpretando a ele mesmo. E pros ogros, como eu, deleitem-se com a sequência inicial de “Zombieland” que tem como trilha sonora “For Whom The Bell Tolls” do Metallica.

PRESENTA:

LUGAR: Café Las Puertas (cerca de la iglesia de San Román)

Hora: 11:00 de la noche

Entrada: Gratuita

ABRÁ SERVICIO NORMAL DE LA BARRA DE CAFÉ HASTA LAS 12 AM 

DEPUÉS SNACKS, BOCADILLOS Y REFRESCOS (precio especial a cinéfilos nocturnos)

CARTELERA:

DAWN OF THE DEAD: VIERNES 27 DE NOVIEMBRE

 ZOMBIELAND: SÁBADO 28 DE NOVIEMBRE (navidad chiquita)

I’m not sure exactly how many films I’ve seen in my lifetime.

It is probably over a thousand, the list below barely scratches the surface of all the films I’ve seen and it was surprisingly easy to come up with. Rather than systematically list films by era or genre I got my brother’s girlfriend Dawn to call out any films she could think of.

I thought of this idea about five minutes before I began typing and Dawn rattled off films as they came to her while I typed out brief verdicts for each one. I initially intended to create a system for rating but found it too restrictive so I just wrote a brief instinctual verdict for each one.

I have included a link to Rotten Tomatoes and the score of each film, I haven’t seen some of these movies in a very long time…

NOTE: The percentages at the end are not my scores but the percentage of positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.

1. Men in Black (1997) – meh (91% – seriously?!)
2. Fight Club (1999) – brilliant (80%)
3. Unforgiven (1992) – immense (96%)
4. Shaun of the Dead (2004) – decent (gets worse every time I watch it)
5. Memento (2001) – pretty good (93%)
6. The Departed (2006) – good (92%)
7. Aliens (1986) – the best sequel ever made (100%)
8. Reservoir Dogs (1992) – great characters and dialogue (95%)
9. American Beauty (1999) – uplifting, brilliant (the stupid bag scene apart) (89%)
10. Goodfellas (1990) – excellent (96%)
11. Predator (1987) – one of Arnie’s best (76%)
12. 12 Angry Men (1957) – captivating (100%)
13. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) – meh (78%)
14. Shawshank Redemption (1994) – really, really good (88%)
15. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) – better than I expected (90%)
16. Sin City (2005) – flashy trash (78%)
17. Toy Story 2 (1999) – yep, it’s good (100%)
18. Bambi (1942) – I remember it being good (much to the amusement of Dawn and Sean, many gay jokes followed) (89%)
19. Final Destination (2000) -guff (30%)
20. Edward Scissorhands (1990) – pretentious crap (90%)
21. Stranger than Fiction (2006) – Surprisingly good (72%)
22. Shallow Grave (1995) – okay (71%)
23. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1996) – facepalm (49%)
24. Man on Fire (2004) – underwhelming (39%)
25. Ocean’s Eleven (2001) – meh (81%)
26. 28 Days Later (2003) – meh (88%)
27. Casino Royale (2006) – surprisingly really good (94%)
28. Psycho (1960) – I was expecting it to be better (98%)
29. The Flintstones (1994) – Jesus wept (18%)
30. Aladdin (1992) – good (92%)
31. Jackass: The Movie (2002) – hard to class as a film really, hit and miss(48%)
32. E.T (1982) – good (98%)
33. Independence Day (1996) – a glorified B movie (61%)
34. Titanic (1997)  – Good (81%)
35. Ring (2002) – fairly decent (71%)
36. Pulp Fiction (1994) – Tarantino’s best film by a long way (97%)
37. Hot Fuzz (2007) – fun (90%)
38. Monty Python: Holy Grail (1975) – classic (94%)
39. Good Will Hunting (1997) – good (97%)
40. Heat (1995) – pretty good, not great (89%)
41. Zodiac (2007) – boring (87%)
42. Little Mermaid (1989) – decent (90%)
43. Ghost (1987) – crap (80%)
44. Dirty Dancing (1987) – utter shit – that women like this film makes me wonder if they actually deserve equal rights (67%)
45. The Terminator (1984) – the best Terminator (100%)
46. Bean (1998) – a test of mental endurance, awful (41%)
47. The Mask (1994) – rubbish (76%)
48. Frailty (2002) – ridiculous (74%)
49. The Day After Tomorrow (2004) – shite
50. Donnie Darko (2001) – overrated pish (84%)
51. Apollo 13 (1995)– crap (96%)
52. Deep Impact (1998)– more crap (46%)
53. Volcano (1997) – even more crap (40%)
54. I know what you did last summer (1997)– yet more crap (36%)
55. The Matrix (1999) – first half decent rest shite (86%)
56. Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (2002)– boring (96%)
57. Addams Family Values (1994) – some good moments (74%)
58. Nightmare before Christmas (1993) – overrated, largely guff (97%)
59. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983) – (see earlier blog) (75%)
60. Three Men and a Baby (1987) – sickening  (78%)
61. Transformers: The Movie (1986) – decent (haven’t seen it in 10 years) (50%)
62. Cruel Intentions (1999) – trash (47%)
63. Lock Stock and Two Smoking barrels (1998) – good if a little overrated (71%)
64. Clerks II (2006) – absolutely fucking diabolical (62%, seriously what the fuck?)
65. Baby’s Day Out (1994) – horrific (23%)
66. Home Alone 2 (1992) – decent (17% – that seems harsh!)
67. Liar Liar (1997) – pretty bad (84%)
68. Babe (1995) – Jesus wept (98%)
69. The Simpsons Movie (2007) – unfunny crap from a show that is a pale shadow of what it used to be (90%)
70. Mr Nanny (1993) – a holocaust of a film (7%)
71. The Thing (1980) – really tense, really good (80%)
72. Blair Witch Project (1999) – doing something different doesn’t make it good (85%)
73. Run Lola Run (1999) – see above (92%)
74. The Santa Clause (1994) – crap (Dawn: “What’s the film with Tim Allen dressed as Santa Claus?”) (79%)
75. Silence of the Lambs (1990) – they really should have just stopped at this one, a fine film (96%)
76. Matilda (1996) – another crap Dahl adaptation (89%)
77. A Bridge too Far (1977) – the quintessential war movie (67%)
78. Rocky V (1990) – laughable (21%)
79. The Sting (1973) – really good (91%)
80. The Sword in the Stone (1963) – good (73%)
81. The Witches (1990) – crap (100%, what the fuck?)
82. Starship Troopers (1997) – entertaining trash (60%)
83. Love Actually(2003)  – hated it (63%)
84. White men can’t jump (1992) – I liked it despite itself (78%)
85. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1999)– a pointless sequel (48%)
86. A Bug’s Life (1998) – meh (91%)
87. Hollow man (2000)– hollow is an appropriate adjective (but I like Bacon’s character) (27%)
88. Jaws (1975) – good but overrated (100%)
89. Jerry Maguire (1996)– oh Christ (84%)
90. Dawn of the Dead (1978)– awesome (95%)
91. Drop Dead Fred (1991)– mindless crap (still haunted by my little sister’s repeat viewing of this monstrosity) (9%)
92. Braveheart (1995) – good (it’s a movie, not a history lesson) (76%)
93. Saw II (2005) – crap (35%)
94. Mouse Hunt (1997)– hated it (really wanted the mouse to die) (44%)
95. The Mummy (1999)– didn’t like it (54%)
96. George of the Jungle (1997)– crap (53%)
97. Leon (1994) – ludicrous garbage (74%)
98. Death becomes her (1993)– had its moments (56%)
99. Meet Joe Black (1998) – meh (49%)
100. Dog Soldiers (2002) – entertaining (79%)
101. Cool Hand Luke (1967) – the best film ever (100%)

Shiny and I have been on a zombie bender now for over a month. After seeing a recent film Zombieland I felt the need to post just some of the rules that are highlighted in the movie about survival after the zombie apocalypse. If you can think of any more please comment.

Rule 1: Cardio: It is important to be reasonably fit. How many fat people do you see at the end of the world when its zombies doing the ending?

Rule 2: Beware of Bathrooms: Really not just bathrooms any good apocalyptic zombie survivor should know better than going into a bathroom, small closet or any other small room with only one way in or out. Only thing stupider to go into then a bathroom is a movie theater. Lots of places to run around before you get eaten.

Rule 3: Seatbelts: It’s a safe bet unless you’re a complete dumb dumb ( see rule #7 ) your not going to be hoofing it on foot in the event of a zombie outbreak. So when travelling on four wheels wear your seat belt. Nothing worse than finding yourself ejected out of your car into the loving and oh so hungry arms of zombies.

Rule 4: Doubletap: Carrying a gun is a great idea but it should never be your primary weapon. When you do end up using it for that last-minute ’oh shit’ moment remember to double tap. It’s an emergency and thats why your using it and not your cricket bat so why skimp? One bullet more in the head will go a long way to ensuring your survival.

Rule 5: No Attachments: This is a tough one but you can not have attachments. If you got kids or a wife your less likely to survive then the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slowing him or her down. Or worse yet making bonehead decisions like ‘going back into the room’

Rule 6: Travel in a Group: The best way to increase your odds of survival when travelling in a zombie outbreak is to make sure you’re a traveling buffet. Going it alone gives the zombies no choices but to eat you. Going it with the old man with the limp, the little kid who can’t run and the middle-aged woman with the plastic leg gives the zombies more options and you better odds you can run away faster than they can.

Rule 7: Keep the Dumb Dumbs Close at Hand: One of the most sure-fire ways of making sure you survive is keeping the less intelligent as close at hand as possible. When you find somebody who asks you ‘Whats going on? What Happened? Those are the ones you want with you. That way when the zombies come they are likely to stupid to realize its not Amway calling and run.

Rule 8: Kill with Efficiency: It’s not about pretty its about efficiency. A lot of folks run for the gun cabinet where as the truly savvy go looking for the most blunt and effective way to destroy the brain. That can be anything from a baseball bat… to a toilet lid! Kill with Efficiency… dont use weapons that need something to work and use weapons you can swing over and over and over again. You dont tend to run into 1 zombie at a time.

Rule 9: Guns Are for Hunting, Not for Zombie Killing: This one is simple. Guns need bullets. When your running who has time to stop for bullets? Keeping a shotgun with buckshot on hand is important but only when your pinned in and need a quick getaway. It’s not a proper means for killing zombies as they run out of ammo and need reloading. Remember a Cricket Bat, or Toilet Lid do not need loading!

Rule 10: Be Quiet: It’s the end of the world as you know it so try to avoid squealing like a 4th grade school girl and perhaps invest in some good sneakers. Nobody said you have to kill all the zombies and there is certainly no shame in sneaking around and surviving versus tearing around like a madman and ending up being an undead happy meal.

Rule 15: Know Your Way out! Nothing worse than a poorly planned escape. If your going to be a hero it’s always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states.. know your way out!

Rule 17: Don’t Be a Hero: The hot chick who was totally gonna give you some is not worth becoming the undead. So when the going gets rough and the hot chick is about to get undead… its time to flee. No making a stand, no ending up a brave zombie. Better to be a chicken liver live guy.

Rule 18: Limber Up: When either fighting a zombie or running from zombies it’s not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. So limbering up is kind of must. Stretch it out a little. It may save your life.

Rule 19: Blend in: Much as Shaun did in Shaun of the Dead its important to blend in. When  is the last time you saw a zombie try to eat another zombie? not easily done but with the right odor and smearing of goo on your face it can happen.

Rule 20: Find The Right Shelter: Shelter is key to survival but since we are already travelling in a group you should ask yourself why the shelter needs to be stationary. For me a motor home or large all terrain vehicle that seats a half dozen would do nicely. Plus when zombies arrive in your neighbourhood there is no last-minute scramble to pack and leave. Just put it in drive and roll!

Rule 21: Zombies can’t Climb. Much like you have never seen a zombie eat another zombie when is the last time you saw  a zombie climb a wall? Well other than the debacle that was the remake of Day of the Dead which had Spiderman zombies. Zombies can’t climb so find high ground if you do need to stop.

Rule 22: Be ruthless: Much like having no attachments being ruthless is key. When your bride turns into the undead, reach for the lid to the toilet seat and be ruthless. The weak and compassionate will not survive in the world of the undead.

Rule 23: God Bless Rednecks: Rednecks are loud, brash, well-armed and ready to kick ass now and ask questions later. So when a redneck shows up in your group half drunk and rumbling louder than your humvee welcome him. Sure rednecks can attract zombies but they also are well-armed and kill a whole lot of em when they do come for dinner. Best of all they are good bait for you to make your exit while he is making a mess of the zombies and before he realizes he just ran out of bullets and does the happy meal groan.

Rule 24: No Drinking. This one should be pretty plain obvious. Escaping zombies is tough enough as it is. How well do you think you will do after downing a couple shots of Jack Daniels? Drinking is not a good survival tactic.

Rule 31: Check the Back Seat. I can’t tell you how many times somebody has eaten it or in this case been eaten because they are just not smart enough to check the back seat. Always check the back seat friends. Always!

Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things: It’s the end of the world. Dont sweat the small stuff. Loot a neighbourhood or two, trash a car, speed! Do the little things and enjoy em. Who knows how long you have to live!

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Je suis depuis quelques années fascinée par le retour en force du film d’épidémie, qu’on parle ici d’un point de vue strictement médical ou dans un registre plus fantaisistes, avec la horde de films de zombies comme 28 days later, Dawn of the dead et son petit frère Shaun, ou encore le remake intergalactique très peu intéressant de The Invasion mettant en vedette une Nicole Kidman blafarde. Ce genre comporte un côté tout à fait séduisant pour un scénariste autant que pour un spectateur: les personnes infectées deviennent des bêtes sanguinaires, et donc des méchants à part entière. Il n’y a aucune ambiguïté et dès lors, pas de conflit moral qui se présente lors de leur extermination systématique. On se bat contre quelque chose et on sait qu’on a raison de le faire: c’est la loi de la jungle, tuer ou être tué.

Le symbole de l’épidémie prend aussi toute sa force dans notre situation écologique précaire. Pour la première fois, peut-être, l’humanité prend conscience de sa finalité en tant qu’espèce et de la grande part de responsabilité qui lui revient. Par exemple, le virus qui court dans l’excellent film espagnol Rec. (et vraiment, l’un des films qui m’ont le plus effrayée de ma VIE) a été modifié en laboratoire par un scientifique cherchant une cure, qui le rend par mégarde d’une contagion foudroyante. Loin de moi l’idée de vous entraîner sur les pentes de la paranoïa ambiante sur la grippe A H1N1 (paranoïa qui se répand davantage que le vrai virus), mais bon, vous voyez que c’est dans le ton. L’épidémie, ou mieux, la pandémie, offre parfois une seconde chance à l’humanité, en faisant un nettoyage méthodique de l’espèce et permettant de repartir à zéro.  Parfois, elle ne laisse aucune chance de survie, comme dans Rec. ou l’épilogue du nouveau Dawn of the Dead, et confirme donc le statut de race damnée des humains.

Cependant, l’aspect qui me fascine le plus dans cette mythologie, j’y pensais ce matin en déjeunant (bien oui, je suis bizarre de même), m’est apparu lorsque j’ai visionné la comédie Zombieland au cinéma le week-end dernier: la mise en scène des contacts humains, représentés comme un danger. Le personnage principal de Zombieland affirme au début du film qu’il pense avoir survécu jusqu’ici à l’infection à cause de son absence de liens affectifs. Habitant loin de chez ses parents, le petit geek attachant n’a en effet ni amis ni blonde et son isolement lui accorde donc la chance d’éviter de se faire mordre. Dans tous les films mettant en scène des épidémies, des infections, vous verrez se produire le moment crucial où l’un des personnages doit tuer un de ses proches infectés pour éviter d’être atteint à son tour. De telles scènes insistent sur l’absence d’humanité de la personne malade, arguant qu’elle “n’est plus la même.” Qui plus est, la transmission des virus se fait par le contact physique (morsure, baiser, échange de fluides, etc.) Difficile de ne pas y lire le symptôme de notre déshumanisation progressive, des relations perçues comme des entraves à la liberté individuelle, et surtout au succès personnel.

Pour ma part, je pense que nous n’avons pas fini d’explorer les méandres de ce “genre” qui donne à la fois des films terrifiants, mais parfois aussi des esquisses psychologiques très intéressantes et très justes.

I think my 2nd All Freakin Night truly solidified my love for Olympia.  Drinking tepid rum and cokes out of Dasini bottles while leaning forward to throw trash off a 2nd floor balcony, all the time attempting to slur out a quip at a theater screen (as loud as fucking possible), which is playing a movie about space slugs that turn people into zombies; I even turned down taking mushrooms that night.  The funny thing is that there were at least four more movies afterwards.  What I’m trying to expertly transition into is my love for Night of The Creeps.

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This is one of those movies I always saw sitting up on the rack at the local video/liquor store when I was a kid.  I’d go into the stagnant shop once a week with my Dad to rent a NES game and if I’d been good that week I could maybe get a movie too.  When my Dad would browse the “walk-in closet” sized section of ever so fine spirits (always coming out with rum) I could be found gawking at whatever creepy or crazy VHS caught my eyes.  Some of my favorites that I can still remember today are:  Dead Alive, Evil Dead 2, and Nightmare On Elm Street 3. Of course I was never allowed to rent any of these movies and probably didn’t see most of them until I was 18.  My Mom told me about seeing The Exorcist in theaters when my oldest brother Andrew was a toddler (he just turned 40).  The movie fucked with my Mom so bad that she sped home right when the end credits started to roll, convinced my brother was most likely speaking in tongues and telling the babysitter that his/her mother sucks cocks in Hell (he does love Motorhead).  Anyways, it makes sense that I wasn’t priviliged these gems as a child.

Sci-fi horror is the basis of many of my nightmares growing up.  Once Andrew blossomed into the old brother that wished to enlighten/terrify his uncultured sponge of a sibling, I found – very bluntly – the ingredients to being frightened via film.  Let’s all give a hand for John Carpenter at his cinematic raping of the senses: The Thing. Even to this day I can’t think of a movie that hucks bundles of dynamite at the caveman side of human nature as his remake did.  I know at some point in my youth Andrew threw on what would become a film that rests comfortably in my top ten favorites and I couldn’t shit right for a week.  No joke; my Dad had to sit in on all my bathroom endeavors for a bit because I was afraid of Charles Hannahan’s detached spider fuck-me-I-never-ever-wanna-see-that-thing-whether-in-real-or-fucking-Oz head.

Aliens is right there with The Thing when it comes to a movie that caused me to always run and jump on my bed when it was lights out.  How was I to know there wasn’t a facehugger under the box spring;  didn’t fuck about.  It also spawned my HATE for Paul Reiser even though I know Burke was just a character, but I don’t care.  Every time I watched Mad About You (don’t even ask me why, I don’t even know) I would stare at Reiser and think, “You lied to Ripley and so many good people were killed because of it.  I wish I could have punched you to death before that alien got you… prick.”  Guilty by association:  I hate Helen Hunt too.  Whatever, she sucks.

So when my parents would leave me home alone I’d dig through the pile of copied VHS tapes (my favorite had The Great Mouse Detective, Wayne’s World, and Addams Family on it) and usually end up with Aliens because The Thing disappeared once Andrew left for college.  Between the releases of these two sci-fi horror titans I was missing out on the teen/college equivalent:  Night of The Creeps.

Doofy college freshmen – whose best friend has polio – attempts to take out his dream girl for the formal, but of course zombie jocks/bros who are afflicted with space brain slugs derail the evening.  Solution?  A shotgun, flamethrower, revolver, lawnmower, and Tom Atkins.  I know for a fact I would have grown up to be a better person if I had this movie in my possession as a youngster.  I probably would have been nicer to people with disabilities too, but my parents insisted I play t-ball.  Thus it’s not my fault that I love Christopher Reeves jokes, but Mom and Dad’s.

Horror is the genre that I can’t get tired of and am always willing to watch.  If I wanna have trouble sleeping I’ll put on The Changeling (I’m actually a little uneasy right now just thinking about it) and keep thinking I see something just out of my peripherals.  How about bad people getting exactly what they deserve?  Then it’s Sleepaway Camp, just make sure no one spoils the ending for ya.  What keeps horror fresh is the blending of genres.  I’m trying to stay on the subject of sci-fi horror, but what makes a film watchable over and over again for me is the humor.  Re-Animator is a rare title that I could easily watch every day because it’s funny as shit.  A roommate justifies hiding a dead cat in his mini-fridge because he didn’t wish to leave a sticky note that read “cat dead, details later”.  Dr. West is a gentleman and don’t you forget it.

I’ve heard “splatter comedy” tossed around when talking about movies like Creeps, but The Return of The Living Dead was the first movie to be labeled by this sub-genre to my knowledge.  Without going off the deep end about it, they’re films that use gore and violence – not just funny dialogue – to heighten the comedic qualities as the story pans out.  To someone who isn’t big on horror it can sound perverse that laughter can come from someone being blown up, but with the right line delivered, piece of music used, or sometimes even the lack of both, humor can come spilling out in bloody abundance.

The real appeal in Creeps is writer/director Fred Dekker’s stew of a tale that involves so many aspects in cinema.  You got two buddies who are bumbling around a college campus and all they really want is some lady-loving, which leads to partying.  Apparently getting into a frat gets you laid, so just like any “sex comedy” whacky antics need to ensue; a prank.  The prank brings us to a previous flashback of the cliche 50’s that is familiar as Hell because of old throwback black and whites.  An object jettisoned from an alien craft streaks over make-out point and of course it lands nearby; it MUST be investigated.  It’s a perfect catalyst to the ridiculousness that object – a singular space slug – will cause years later.

Once bursting heads start spurting out legions of wiggly-jiggles that dart across tile floors looking for an open orifice (my God that was fun to type) we need a hero and we get one:  Tom “Thrill Me” Atkins.  His character Detective Ray Cameron easily sits alongside dudes like Reggie, Peter, and Ash at the big boy table for bad asses in horror.  He’s full of one-liners, a fucked up past, and finishes every sentence with a shotgun blast (I’m on a God damn roll).  That’s the issue I have with many hero characters these days, is that they can’t be fun and kooky.  The ones that are a little odd-ball are typically very young characters, but rarely are they the old-timers with age in their face and stories to tell.

And don’t let me forget J.C. played by Steve Marshall (he was also on 21 Jump Street, so you know this guy is big time).  Now I always say he had polio in the movie – even though there’s no mention of it – so maybe I’ll just switch to “handicapped”… even though I wanna say “cripple”.  Having a character with a disability for no good God damn reason does add some realism to a film that is so far passed the limits of normality.  I hate when every actor in a film looks like they just got done tanning in the OC and are on their way to getting frap-a-fucking-chinos at some coffee shop before they zoom off to blow each other while watching Friends. The characters in this movie look like normal to partially awkward people, just like every other random you pass on the street.  Dekker threw in a guy who should easily be a shut-in, but J.C. turns out to be one of the better characters in the movie.  He pushes his buddy Chris (the actor Jason Lively was also on 21 Jump Street; P.I.M.P.) to actually talk to a woman and not be such a pussy that bitches about everything wrong in his life, but actually assists him in fixing all the bullshit.

I don’t think I ever wanna have kids.  I’m already too damn selfish as it is and if I have to fork out cash to some free-loader that can’t even walk or talk; don’t think so.  But if I ever become “responsible” and “stop peeing in the sink” which – God forbid – leads me into parenthood, my kid would get a VHS tape (yup, just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I’m NOT poor) with three titles on it:  The Thing, Aliens, and Night of the Creeps.  Because isn’t the whole point of having kids so as not to be your parents or do I have that backwards?  I really don’t know.  Well I’m off to get a vasectomy; wish me luck.

You might not care too much if zombies attack a small town. It’s someone else’s problem, let them deal with the hordes of walking dead. This is an understandable point of view, but one that can get you in a lot of trouble. For once the zombies finish the townsfolk off and get bored with moaning at each other, they’re going to shuffle over to the closest city. And wouldn’t you know, it just happens to be yours. They’ll have an all-you-can-eat buffet of doctors, lawyers, teachers, homeless people, senior citizens, and pretty much anyone that gets in their way.

Your problems don’t end there. Major cities tend to have high populations in a fairly concentrated space. This means that zombies can spread their infection with far greater speed than normal. They’ll attack a person in an apartment complex, clawing at them and devouring their flesh, who’ll then rise up and attack another. That victim will do the same, as will the next, and before you know it everyone in the neighborhood will be a walking corpse. Don’t hesitate to kill your grandmother if she gets up and starts shambling towards you – she might want a hug, but it’s just not worth the chance.

[So - this is from an unfinished blog post I did while we were in rehearsals for FIST IN THE POCKET's "WASHING MACHINE" last summer - a show that features a very distraught, pubescent boy who has a strangely intense affinity for gory zombie flicks. (Although - come to think of it - what pubescent boy doesn't have a strangely intense affinity for gory zombie flicks? Hell - affinity for gory anything.) I was trying to blog about a subject from the perspective of the characters from the play on one page - and then blog from the perspective of me on another page. AND THEN THE DEMANDS OF THE ACTUAL SHOW ITSELF GOT IN THE WAY! Continuing to clarify what the characters were saying on stage ultimately trumped what they might say or do in a blog. So, it didn't really go anywhere all that effective.