• Death Race (Paul W.S. Anderson, 2008). Als kind was ik zot van Death Race 2000, een onnozele cultfilm uit de seventies met Sylvester Stallone en David Carradine, die eigenlijk niets meer is dan een afvalrace voor gladiatoren in auto’s. De remake is al even onnozel, maar natuurlijk nog een pak lawaaieriger. Nochtans had het allemaal erger gekund: die Jason Statham is goed voor een vette grijns nu en dan en het was fijn om Ian “Cocksucker” McShane nog eens te zien opduiken in een film. B-film met veel knullige en hier en daar grappige momenten. (**)
• Angels & Demons (Ron Howard, 2009). Ik krijg binnenshuis soms wel eens het verwijt naar m’n hoofd geslingerd dat uit m’n muziek-, film- en boekenkeuzes enkel misprijzen voor mainstreamproducten blijkt die door de lezers van deze weblocatie enkel verkeerd geïnterpreteerd kan worden, maar hey, Angels & Demons, het kan moeilijk nog simpeler. En eigenlijk valt het nog wel allemaal mee. Nee, echt bij de lurven grijpt het je niet, en al die de-kerk-houdt-er-een-verborgen-agenda-op-na-onthullingen zijn nu ook niet bepaald ophefmakend, maar het had een pak erger gekund. Angels & Demons kent minder inzinkingen dan z’n voorganger en je hoeft je niet te ergeren aan dat over het paard getilde trutteke van Amélie Poulain. (**1/2)
• Boarding Gate (Oliver Asssayas, 2007). Clean vond ik heel goed, deze iets minder. Je kan nochtans niet beweren dat Asia Argento (dochter van) haar best niet doet: het mens kronkelt en lult wat af, doet haar best om een psychologisch zwaar gehavend personage neer te zetten en krijgt degelijk weerwerk. Maar het pakt niet echt, het is allemaal wat te miserabilistisch, te geforceerd duister, kinky en tegendraads, waardoor je naar een stuk theater lijkt te kijken dat nergens heen gaat. (**)
• Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince (David Yates, 2009). Mja. Hier geldt net hetzelfde als voor de vorige verfilmingen (en naar ik vermoed ook de boeken): het zit allemaal fijn in elkaar, het is plezant om naar te kijken, weet de aandacht doorgaans vast te houden, maar het is toch geen Lord Of The Rings. (***)
• Raging Bull (Martin Scorsese, 1980). Veel beter dan dit wordt cinema niet. (*****)
• Lomax The Songhunter (Rogier Kappers, 2004). Verrassend ontroerende documentaire, die vooral de voetstappen van Lomax volgt tijdens zijn Europese reizen. (****)
• Monty Python: Almost The Truth. Onverwacht onderhoudend. Eigenlijk had ik zelden of nooit iets gelezen of gezien over de dynamiek van die zes. Best leuk om ze te horen vertellen over elkaars inbreng aan de hand van allerhande klassieke stukken. Eigenlijk zou ik de oorspronkelijke versie van zeven uur wel willen zien. (****)
• Verder ook gekeken naar Them Crooked Vultures live @ Reading op de BBC (slaapverwekkend), Little Britain Season 2 (“Bitty!”) op DVD aan het kijken, en Hung, 24 Season 7 (vraag me niet waarom) en Mad Men Season 3 (greatness) aan het volgen.

NP: Digital Primitives – Hum, Crackle & Pop

Death Race è un fil del 2008 prodotto, scritto e diretto da Paul WS Anderson. Il film è un remake di Death Race 2000 del 1975, basato sul racconto di Ib Melchior “The Racer”.

Leggi altre notizie su: | Paul W. S. Anderson | Jason Statham | Joan Allen | Tyrese Gibson

I ett framtida, laglöst New York, anordnas en populär racing-tävling årligen. Tungt beväpnade pansarfordon, med dömda straffångar som förare, kör runt på stadens gator i vansinnesfart. Vinnare blir den som lyckats döda flest av sina motståndare. Uppföljare till kultfilmen “Death Race 2000″ från 1975.

From ReelLoop.com

A prequel to Paul W.S. Anderson’s Death Race has been given the go-ahead by Universal Studios. Penned by Tony Giglio and based on the story from Anderson, the upcoming straight-to-DVD feature will delve into the back-story of the masked and mangled Frankenstein, who was original played by the late David Carradine in the 1975 original film Death Race 2000.

Carradine provided Frank’s voice in Anderson’s Death Race.

Death Race was a marginal hit that made $75 million worldwide.

Production on the loosely titled Death Race 2 will begin after Anderson completes Resident Evil: Afterlife. He will serve in a producing capacity.

No word on a cast or who will be helming the project. We don’t care. As long as Natalie Martinez is back.

Amazon Specials!

La precuela de la “Death race” no llegara al cine según informo Paul W.S. Anderson.

La pelicula que comenzara a rodarse en enero no sera presentada en cines si no que saldran directamente en DvDs y Blu – Ray.

La verdad no se porque hacen esto, la pelicula recaudo unos 75 millones de dolares, a mi entender debio llegar a cines al igual que la primera parte.

Cartel de Death Race

Paul W.S. Anderson anunció que la precuela de Death Race, que ya había sido anunciada anteriormente, tiene ya luz verde, y comenzará a filmarse este mes de enero. Sin embargo, dio a conocer que la misma no será hecha para salas, sino que se lanzará directamente a video. Considerando que la primera parte consiguió una recaudación a nivel mundial de $75 millones de dólares, parecería ilógico no llevarla a las pantallas, aunque la ausencia de Jason Statham podría ser suficiente como para que no tenga el mismo impacto.

Paul W S Anderson – a man, a filmmaker and much maligned. I’ve talked about his work before and he often has good ideas and a nice look to some of his films, but they often miss the mark.

Death Race starring Jason Statham wasn’t great, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. It probably helped that the car scenes used as much physical FX as they could. I thought that was it though for the Death Race.

Now according to STYD Universal has officially given Death Race 2 the green light based on a script by Tony Giglio.

The follow-up, a prequel looking into the past of the race car driver known as Frankenstein, will probably go straight to DVD.

It is based on an idea by Anderson, but no word on who will be directing or whether The Stath will be in it although I doubt it as it’s a prequel.

Spoiler TV has the character details. Here are a few:

[CARL "LUKE" LUCAS]
In his 20s-30, American, European, British, Australian, Latino, etc., handsome and confident, with a hint of danger, Lucas has been in trouble since the age of 12. Right-hand man to a notorious mobster for twelve years, he is sent away for life
after killing a cop in the course of robbing a bank. Offered a deal by the DA if he turns state’s evidence, Lucas opts to take his chances behind bars, where he soon captures the attention of a violence-peddling television producer. Possessed of some serious driving skills, assertive, strong, and charismatic, Lucas is a natural fit for the ultimate test, aka, the “Death Race.”

[SEPTEMBER JONES]
In her 20s – early 30s, a model turned journalist, September is is “insatiably ambitious and eye-poppingly gorgeous,” a woman who knows how to use what she’s got to get what she wants. She’s callous and self-serving, dressed provocatively, with the soul of an ice-pick, but the brains to know how to market violence to the masses. When ratings for her gladiator-style television show begin plummeting, September is quick to come up with the “Death Race” concept, thrilled by its stunning success

[ELIZABETH JAYNE CASE]
In her 20s – early 30s, and sexy, she is a card girl for the fight matches, later a navigator when the prisoners are forced to test their driving skills. Intelligent (valedictorian of her high school class), decent, with a good heart, Case landed in prison after killing her abusive cop husband. Quick to come to the aide of girl in peril or help Lucas outwit an adversary, she’s a courageous, admirable young woman. Teamed with Lucas for a death race, the chemistry soon heats up between the two

[BIG BILL]
In his 30s, African American, a steroid-enhanced mountain man, head of the United Blood Nation, the African American gang in Terminal Island…1 speech & 5 lines, 9 scenes

[LISTS]
In his 20s, nicknamed “Lists” because he’s a font of information about almost any subject, quickly spewing lists of details. Convicted of matricide, he’s a newbie at the prison and obviously scared. He later teams up with Gunner, becoming part of Lucas’ pit crew

[14K]
Named for his fourteen “kills,” Asian, in his 30s – 40s, a “combination of Bruce Lee and Genghis Khan,” he is the leader of The Triads, the most powerful Chinese gang on the planet (or at least in the prison).sptv050769..1 speech & 1 line, 6 scenes

What would you like to see in the Death Race sequel?

Just a quick post so say that not too much is happening at this end.

I’ve not made too much progress on “My Mkii Army” although I do have 5 Winter Guard based and ready to be sprayed!

Not too impressive.

The reasons behind this are two fold. The first was Death Race which is a re-make of the original Death Race 2000.

I love the original film and as with a lot of these modern “interpretations” of cult classics I approached with trepidation.

I was however pleasantly surprised. The new film is a lot darker and grittier with lots of good references to the original. However the plot line was very different and this film was definatley “inspired by” the original.

Overall the film was enjoyable, more for the gruesome scenes than the acting skills of those involved.

My other distraction was the weekly meeting at the gaming club. I had a great night teaching kids to play Warhammer 40,000. Not wanting to get into a rant but I really don’t like the games that GW produce and have made a personal choice not to play them.

However the majority of the players at our club play 40k as their first, or only choice, and the majority of these players are young, pre-teen.

When I started out (at the age of 11) I never played by the rules, properly anyway, mostly because I didn’t understand them all. I remember one game against one of my friends in which Commisar Yarrick waded through pretty much all of his army in one turn…

Those were the days!

For the future of our club I have taken it upon myself to get our junior members playing properly, then in a year or so when they are competant gamers I can switch them to a propper game!

Well my “quick post” has turned into something a little longer.

Thanks for reading.

Alex

ps. My eye is out for the postman who should be on his way with another distraction shortly!

Happy Birthday to Trixie G. who emailed me to ask for a specific Hot Jason Break to help celebrate her special day!  She requested a pic from Death Race of him doing pull-ups.  I’m obliging and even adding a shot from the nude water scene as a bonus.

A Remedy Entertainment fez uma surpresa a todos ao liberar uma versão FULL do game Death Rally para a plataforma Windows.

O game foi o primeiro game lançado pela Remedy, originalmente em 1996, fazendo bastante sucesso na época, quando o Pentium 150 MHz era considerado o processador top.

Trata-se de um game de corrida com visão de cima, onde você pode equipar os carros com armas e acessórios, utilizando truques e trapaças para vencer as corridas.

A Remedy declarou que, caso o game seja bem recebido com esse relançamento, a empresa poderá trabalhar em uma nova versão, com gráficos e demais recursos atualizados para as plataformas do momento.

O game roda sem problemas em qualquer computador atual, nos sistemas Windows XP, Vista e Seven.

Está ai uma ótima opção para os gamers mais novos conhecerem um grande clássico dos games, agora disponível para a plataforma Windows.

Download: Death Race para Windows, XP, Vista e Seven

I’ve been pretty busy the past couple of weeks. Of course, you wouldn’t think so if you just looked at me, sitting in my room watching movies. (sometimes with popcorn, sometimes sans popcorn) But I have been busy, mostly watching and reading up on movies. I figure, if I’m going to run 7th Planet Picture Show right, I should really know my stuff when it comes to weird, psychotronic films. Therefore, I’ve been stuffing as many into my mediaholes as I possibly can.

Here are the movies I’ve recently watched for the first time, complete with brief synopses. (mostly devoid of spoilers. mostly. Title links go to imdb.)

Laser Mission (1989) Brandon Lee is a mercenary/spy for the US Government, trying to get a scientist away from the Soviets who could make a superweapon. There are no lasers in the movie but I assume the title comes from the fact that there’s a DANGER of lasers, should the scientist be put into a lab with the LUDICROUSLY BIG DIAMOND that’s also in the movie. Editors were clearly on drugs. Either that or someone accidentally thought the storyboard was acid blotter and ate it. Public domain, baby!

Star Slammer A. K. A. Prison Ship (1987) – Sandy Brooke plays Taura, a miner who gets picked up by a corrupt galactic government official and thrown on a sleazy women’s prison ship. Lots of wacky/sexy? things happen on the ship. It’s kind of a comedy.

Act of Piracy (1990) – Some pirates, who are pretty douchey, and clearly criminally insane decide to fuck with Gary Busey, a bad idea in any decade. Then they get what’s coming to them, when he gets time after reuniting emotionally with his estranged ex-wife, that is.

Alice’s Restaurant (1969)A little, douchey hippie folk-singer (whom I know is the genuine article, but can’t help equating with arrogant kids at my high school in suburban Illinois in the mid-90’s.) named Arlo Guthrie gets to star in this movie adaptation of his goofy song, which is about half as long as the movie anyway. He almost fucks a 14 year-old. And he does fuck Alice, and some cute asian chick. Alice also nails a bunch of dudes and gets beaten by her husband and some guy is a junkie and dies, but it all makes about as much sense in the movie as it does when I explain it here.

2019 – After the Fall Of New York (1983) – Pretty much the Italian Escape From New York, hence 5x the goofy. But the main plot centers not around retrieving the President but the last fertile female in existence. Maybe the people who made Children of Men watched this and then cried and then made something better.

Cyborg (1989)- A craptastic gem brought to you by the movie crap kings Golan Globus. Van Damme is in the post-apocalyptic future. He’s not a cyborg. But there is a cyborg. And she sorta shows up here and there and he has to help her get to Atlanta. (Atlanta!?) And he beats up a lot of people. The sets and costumes in this were recycled from Masters of the Universe, after Mattel’s licensing prices were found to be too high for a sequel to a film that barely broke even.

Cyborg 2 (1993) Has absolutely nothing to do with the first Cyborg movie. Stars Angelina Jolie. She is a cyborg. And she also beats people up. and she also gets naked and it’s… well it’s fucking hot. All in all, this movie is separated from Cyborg 2 even more in that it’s actually not too bad of a flick. Jack Palance has a very kick-ass part in this and it’s too bad no award ceremony would touch a movie with this premise with a ten-foot pole, cause he delivers an outstanding performance. And did I mention Angelina Jolie sex scene? Naked? Yes?

Double Trouble (1992)- A silly but fun buddy comedy in which twin actors David and Peter Paul play cop and criminal twin brothers and join up to fight jewel thieves.

Think Big (1989) – A silly but fun buddy comedy in which twin actors David And Peter Paul play trucker twin brothers and try to help a young girl, fleeing an evil corporation that’s exploiting children in their school/think tank.(I had seen this one previously but added it to this list because I recently watched it again and was surprised to find it’s really not that bad of at all. I rather like it.)

Garbage Pail Kids, The Movie (1987) - I could see an atheist using this movie in an argument against a religious person as proof there is no god. Or at least that he hates us.

Journey to the 7th Planet (1962) – A bunch of astronauts fly to Uranus and kill the monster that lives there. I found this movie while looking to see if anyone was already using the 7th Planet Picture Show title. To my pleasant surprise, it’s just the sort of film that works for the 7th Planet Picture Show. Look for it in an upcoming web show and probably at the live 7th Planet some time, too.

Lady Frankenstein (1971) – When her father dies, Dr. Frankenstein’s daughter continues his research and, you guessed it, makes monsters. This one is pretty dry but there are some genuinely funny cheeseball moments.

The Giant Claw (1957) – The monster in this movie has got to be the stupidest one I’ve ever seen. Plus there’s a silly French Canadian guy. Those wacky foreigners!

The Little Shop of Horrors (1960) – The original Roger Corman flick that later gave rise to Oz’s musical starring Rick Moranis. You can see why they made the musical. This movie is downright wacky. In fact, the performances in this original almost seem more  rambunctiously over-the-top and ridiculous than the later film that made fun of them.

Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968) Once upon a time some Russians made a movie called Planeta Bur. Then a capitalist American swine redubbed and edited the footage, added a few things and called it, Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet. Then some other hack came along and took that movie, re-edited it again, added a bunch of footage of chicks on the beach with shells covering their no-no parts and, well, that was this movie.

Warrior of the Lost World (1983) – A very skillful movie in that it rips off Mad Max and Escape From New York at the same time, leaving room to cram in hackery stolen from other successful films. Great stuff.

Zontar the Thing From Venus (1966) – Some nerd keeps playing his mmorpg and his wife gets mad at him. Except his mmorpg is an alien from Venus called Zontar who’s coming to enslave humanity. Of course, no one believes Kevin until Zontar arrives and mind control MADNESS ensues!

The Galaxy Invader (1985) – There are so many bad and awesome things I could say about this hackjob “alien vs. redneck” sci-fi film. It’s one of the gold mines that makes these movies so worth combing through.

Cherry 2000 (1987) – In the future, a white man in the future gets determined when his robot housewife slave burns out and he can’t find parts to replace her. He decides to go out into the lawless wasteland to find a duplicate for this rare machine and his guide is none-other than Melanie Griffith. Then it gets wacky.

Hardware (1990) – Moses (Dylan McDermott) finds a robot head and leaves it at his girlfriend’s apartment, her future apartment, in the slums. But she’s got really good locks. Then the robot head comes to life and rebuilds itself and tries to kill her and everyone else. A lot of black guys die.

Omega Doom (1996) – Rutger Hauer is once again a robot. But this time it’s in a movie that’s like a bad sci-fi RPG, and you don’t get to play, you just get to watch someone else play, and he’s an idiot.

Solarbabies (1986) Imagine if the Goonies was about a roller-hockey team but in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, and you’ve got Rollerbabies. Actually not bad at all. This one slipped by me as a child, which is too bad. I would have loved it then, too.

Cherez ternii k zvyozdam a.k.a To The Stars by the Hard Ways (1981) A sci-fi film from Soviet Russia in which a genetically-engineered superclone is found aboard a destroyed space-station with no memory of her purpose or prior life. Not at first, at least. Very cool!

Death Race 2000 (1975) In an oppressive future, David Carradine plays the leader in a violent sport which is used to control the populace.

Rollerball (1975) – In an oppressive future, James Caan plays the leader in a violent sport which is used to control the populace.

I’m a real glutton for punishment.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452608/

When i first saw the trailer for this movie i was actually eager to see it. Now i’m not big on racing movies, but the fact that this movie looked a lot like a few video games i had played in the past, i was actually incredibly intrigued by it. Not to mention the fact that I was blown away because the action in the trailer looked amazing and not cheaply done with the use of computer graphics (from here on to be shortened to CG). I wanted to see this movie.

Now for about the first half of this movie, i was utterly amazed. From the start with the background story to about halfway i was intrigued and amazed by the movie. Then it took a crappy turn and it seemed like the director got tired of filming the action sequences, so he threw in about 30-40 minutes of story, all at once. It would have been better if they actually divided up the story between the races so that you could actually stomach it some, but no, he just wanted a way to suck you in, bore the shit out of you, and then have you not give a damn about the ending because it sucked that much.

I am also not a big fan of rap music, but if done the right way in a movie i hardly notice that its there at all, which is good, that’s what you want, you almost never want to music to be the primary focus of the audience. But this director can’t decide what he wants to do with music, sometimes you don’t notice its there, and other times i just want to find a noose and hunt down this director and kill him.

Jason Statham, can he play anything other than the “Macho Guy” who doesn’t say much? Hes like Ben Stiller, different movies same role in every fucking film. Like in Zoolander, Ben Stiller is looking for that new look, but when Blue Steel comes along, its the same as his other 5-6 looks already, but no one knows any differently.

The other thing that really got to me was when the women were first introduced. The navigators tell the drivers where to go so that the driver can focus on the carnage that is happening on the road. Why the hell did they choose women? Its in a prison where the men and women are not held in the same prison. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU TRUST SOMEONE YOU’VE NEVER MET BEFORE? wait, thats right, its just eye candy for the fucking director. When the women show up, it does the slow-mo thing with rap music blaring. For 10 minutes. 10 fucking minutes i shit you not. It could have lasted 1-2 minutes and it would have been to much. You want it to grip their attention and then go to the sexy parts, not slow motion walking for 10 minutes. C’mon! who parks a bus that far away with prisoners in it? Oh yeah, they did this twice, the first time when the girls first showed up, the 2nd time at the end. yes, at the end of the movie he did it again. Thankfully that only lasted a few moments, but since he already did it, it was like watching the same terrible part over and over again in the same movie.

Ok, enough picking on this movie. There were some good parts, like the fact that the race is more like a game than an actual race. In order to activate their weapons, or defensive mechanism, they have to perfectly drive over large sewer covers and then they either get defensive capabilities, or weapons. There is also a 3rd kind which basically kills you, so the drivers have to be on the lookout for it. So not only is everyone trying to drive you off the road, but its a race, and its a race to try and get your car fully activated before the other racers. Damn good idea.

The other thing that really stood out was that the director pretty much refused to use CG in the movie. Fantastic! everything looked real! nothing was obviously fake or made by the use of computers(except maybe the backgrounds) but none of the main action itself. The races also for the most part kept me on the edge of my seat from start to end, all 4 of them.

All in all, even though i pointed out more flaws than redemption’s, this movie was actually quite entertaining for the first half, but i could have gone without the 2nd half as long as there was no story. The director could have cut this down to an hour and a half action fest of awesomeness with no story and it would have been better. After all what better than watching a car race where the cars are loaded up like cars out of video games? Twisted Metal, Vigilante 8, etc.

The races = awesome, story = lame.

Base Score = 6

-1 for a bad use of music in a movie
-1 for Jason Statham
-2 for not 1, but 2 scenes with girls walking out slowly to rap music eating up movie time
+1 for damn good racing/action sequences throughout the movie
+1 for not using CG
+1 for video game qualities

= 5/10

URL: http://www.youmaydie.com/

hey guess what! I’m sequestered at home with the flu which could quite possibly be swine flu. BOO FOR ME. As such, I am currently unable to drive around and observe shitty drivers because the CDC recommends I stay at home so as not to infect others. Being a conscientious type person, that is exactly what I am doing. Also, feeling so sick makes it easy to not want to go anywhere. So, I thought I’d share with you an interesting dream I had last night. Fever dream, you may ask? Perhaps.

So, I had this dream where authorities collected all the worst drivers and pitted them against each other on a closed course, Battle Royale style. The course looked just like several city blocks, complete with traffic lights, stop signs, pedestrian traffic, etc. The only way drivers could escape was to be able to drive and practice all traffic laws and stuff for a specific amount of time (or maybe until there was only one left? What the hell, I can’t remember exactly, it was a dream.) And the whole time, the drivers are being televised, kind of like Death Race but without the intentional death….although, given how negligent so many of the worst drivers are, death would certainly be possible. And the program was called Demented Drivers. It would be shown in all Drivers’ Education courses as examples of what not to do.

This is the kind of stuff I dream, particularly when I’m feverish. Quite the imagination, no?

I’d imagine the pitch meeting for Gamer went something like this:

“We’ve taken the basic idea of Death Race and replaced the racing with a shoot-em-up video game that uses real people instead of computer sprites, you know, because video games are really popular now. We’ve also replaced all of Death Race’s humour and self-awareness with dialogue and characters culled from the very worst depths of 4chan, only without any understanding of their Net Age irony. And instead of Jason Statham, we’ve got Gerard Butler. Yeah, that’s right, the guy from 300. And P.S.  I Love You. Let’s see if anyone notices.”

Well, I did. And I’m not too happy about it.

Reviewing Gamer is like reading a charge sheet for crimes against film and entertainment. It opens with Marilyn Manson’s cover of “Sweet Dreams are Made of This” and it’s downhill fast from there. In fact, they use that same song twice, having obviously blown the budget on…well, I have no idea what, because the whole thing looks pretty cheap too, apparently shot in a single small section of street, storm drain and underground car park. Lob in a meant-to-be-funny-but-isn’t use of Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch” and you’re simply left wondering who the hell the filmmakers were aiming this rubbish at, because both of those tunes are from a decade ago. Way to be hip, Neveldine & Taylor.

Right, that’s the soundtrack and production values dispensed with. What’s next? Oh, what the hell, let’s go for the story. It’s Death Race. If the filmmakers had cast Jason Statham, they would’ve been swiftly sued for plagiarism. But that’s okay, I mean, derivative stories are acceptable if a film brings something new to the table, maybe some snappy dialogue, or stylish directing or even just a few spectacular special effects set pieces. Umm, no, no and no; a FAIL on all counts here.

Okay, one or two sequences taking place within the real live video game at the heart of the so-called story aren’t bad (well, I can think of one fleeting shot I quite liked) but there are so many pointless tics and cuts and clever-clever graphic overlays hurled at the screen that they might as well have stuck the film in a blender and called it editing.

This is a grubby, irredeemable dog of a movie, full of so much pointless and juvenile violence that those young to be attracted by the equally pointless and juvenile sex and nudity aren’t going to be admitted. Actually, that’s an insult to those under the age of 18, I doubt there’s many that are that stupid. Meanwhile, in its attempt to pander to the supposed gamer/hacker/Internet demographic, the film also manages to insult them by portraying them in typical Hollywood fashion as being either over-privileged rich kids with little sense of morality, or Gluttony-victim-in-Seven-sized perverts.

It’s actually amazing that the writer/director team behind the two Crank movies could be responsible for this. Crank did a pretty good job of translating a certain video game sensibility to the big screen, but did so with verve and humour. So I probably would’ve been better off to just watch it instead. What makes it worse is that there’s a good story to be told here about free will and the like, but Gamer’s just concerned about getting to the next tit shot.

Gerard Butler needs a better agent.

Photographs by Dean Rogers that show the places where cultural heroes were killed in car crashes…

Jackson Pollock, August 11, 1956

James Dean, September 30, 1955

Marc Bolan, September 16, 1977

For more info on the exhibition and pics click here

Dupa ce am vazut trailerul acestui film pe Youtube abia asteptam sa aiba premiera in Romania sa merg la cinema. Si asta prin prisma efectelor speciale care promiteau a fi de calitate. Asta e si motivul principal pentru care vreau sa vad un film pe ditamai ecranul la cinema: efecte speciale. Restul filmelor le poti vedea si la calculator, dupa DVD-uri inchiriate de la filme de profil bineinteles. .Dar sa revin la film.

Este genul de film la care trailerul arata foarte bine, dar filmul cam lasa de dorit. Inceputul filmului e ametitor (la propriu). Regizorul vrea sa dea senzatia de miscare, de actiune, si cadrele sunt filmate in asa fel incat este imposibil sa nu ametesti. Nu se intelege mare lucru din inceputul filmului. Nu stii care pe care impusca, cine sare in aer. Stii un singur lucru: Gerard Butler, care e personajul principal, sigur nu va muri. De restul efectiv nu ai cum sa iti dai seama.

Ideea filmului e interesanta. Dar atat. Actiunea este copiata dupa Death Race: peste X ani, pentru omenire principala distractie o reprezinta luptele dintre puscariasi transmise live peste tot in lume. Precum gladiatorii din Roma antica, numai ca aia nu avea televiziune. Cine rezista 30 de runde neinvins, poate fi eliberat. Bineinteles ca inainte de ultima lupta cineva “bine intentionat” pune bete in roate celui care a supravietuit deja 29 de runde, dar care este inchis pe nedrept de fapt. Si ala care pune bete in roate e de fapt cel pentru care a fost inchis astalalt pe  nedrept. Normal! Nu zic finalul pentru ca sigur va dati seama si singuri.

Dupa cum ziceam e interesanta ideea de baza. In Death Race detinutii se bateau cu masini tunate pentru lupta. Aici ideea e mai complexa. Lumea s-a plictisit asa de tare incat a fost nevoie de o noua forma de distractie. Un smecher a creat un joc numit Slayers. In acest joc fiecare persoana din lumea reala (asta era un Gamer), pentru o suma grasa de bani, avea posibilitatea sa comande un Slayer (asta era un detinut condamnat la moarte) in lupte. Astfel Gamerii jucau jocuri de tip Shooter cu persoane reale. Idee interesanta care mergea exploatata mult mai tare din perspectiva efectelor speciale. Filmul nu are nimic deosebit din acest punct de vedere. Modul in care e filmat e cam ciudat.

Mai avem parte si de putina introspecite in mintile noastre bolnave care ar fi capabile de multe lucruri daca s-ar ascunde in spatele unui ecran. Dar mai multe nu zic, tre’ sa vedeti filmul daca va intereseaza.

In concluzie, nu stiu daca sa recomand sau nu filmul. In nici un caz nu e de vazut la cinema. Asteptati sa apara pe torrent, pardon, DVD-uri la firmele de inchiriere si vizionati-l pe calculator.

There are some things which I keep expecting to find on the internet, but can’t quite seem to locate, so I thought it would be an idea to make a list of everything that people should have thought of before me. I refuse to believe that I am the only person that has thought about this shit, and everyone should be ashamed of themselves that they didn’t come up with these ideas first:

• Real maps designed after the style of GTA 3’s excellent (and colorful) in-game map. This would be the coolest thing since… Actually, it would be the coolest thing EVER. Not only would map-lovers be intrigued by the design aesthetic, but gamers might start buying things that are actually useful – like maps.
• Remote controls designed to look like Star Trek phasers. C’mon, you know these would be cool. And they would serve a purpose.
• Computer games with real-life repercussions… No, wait- Sorry, that one has already been covered. I don’t know whether to be surprised or horrified.
• Sports with mortality rates. I’m partial to a Rollerball derby being set up, but a Death Race would suffice.
• A bag / backpack which knows how much weight is being carried in it, and can warn of back strain. Somebody make one of these for me, PLEASE. Seriously, make one.

I could come up with more, but I’m afraid of being labelled a complete, irredeemable geek.

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This isn’t worth a full blog post of it’s own, and sticking it here seems as good a place as any:

WARNING:

The following link must NOT be clicked on, under any circumstances. You have no idea what the fuck it is, you don’t know what lurks beyond the click of a mouse… You really don’t want to know either. For all you know it could be a picture of a fat, naked man, a sign-up page for the military, a horrible virus or merely a LOLcat page. You just don’t know, so why take the chance.

It isn’t worth it. Do not click on the link. I’m warning you, so you can’t come back here and blame me.

NOT. MY. FAULT.

Got that?

LINK

For the benefit of anyone who clicked on the link, I offer my full apologies.

Can’t say how, can’t say when, just sayin’ thank you!  Exclusive photo you saw it here first.   Karma is uber fab I am blessed and always sharin my blessin’ with you

It was all Sex & Blood last night at the HBO Post Emmy party – with British action star Max Ryan (Universal’s “Death Race”)- the latest addition to the Sex And The City sequel (“crossing” Samantha’s path they call it!) and True Blood’s heart throb Stephen Moyers.

Having just sat through Death Race I have to ask this question. It should have ended with the chick standing on the roof of the car in the Frankenstein mask, the cutaway signifying the possible escape of the drivers. It ran on a few minutes longer, with an ending which was completely unnecessary and destroyed my interest in seeing a sequel. I have to make it clear, straight off the bat, that I’m a big fan of the original, and the thought that this would be similarly laced with barbed commentary appealed to me.

Wow, was I wrong about that or what?

It could have set up a great B-Movie franchise of explosions, gratuitous violence and general mayhem, but after the add-on scenes set in Mexico I’m not sure a sequel would even be possible. It isn’t as if creating a kick-ass franchise is difficult, as even the abysmal Butterfly Effect has managed to drag on to three equally yawn-inducing installments. As for the craptastic remake of The Omen, the least said the better…

Why are remakes so hard to get right? I’m not going to include the constantly revised stuff here, because anything with Sherlock Holmes or Batman is going to be revamped in a few years anyway (and Batman currently has a few versions available), so this is centered solely on fresh remakes on dead properties. Such as Planet Of The Apes.

Rule One (which must be obeyed at all costs) is that a remake must engage the fans of the original. Halloween (which was too slow and too retro) missed a few vital pointers from the original and demystified Michael Myers to a degree that it wasn’t really a horror film. It wanted to be taken seriously, but when there is an audience waiting on a certain type of film, they’re going to react badly when they see something that doesn’t push their buttons.

Rule Two is don’t fuck up the ending. This is where I ought to launch into a “What the Hell is the point of Tim Burton?” rant, but I really don’t care to expend energy attacking someone who doesn’t even have the courtesy to learn about the subject of his films before he starts directing.

Anyone who makes a comic-book movie having never looked at the comics is a fucking hack.

And a pretty useless one at that. There are at least a dozen major problems with the first Batman film, and even an awesome Batmobile can’t save the film from the dumbest ending ever. Who in their right mind kills off the Joker? Then he compounds his errors with the Planet Of The Apes, where he kills the potential series with a completely uncalled for coda in which… Sorry, I can’t even bring myself to relay the end of the story.

Anyways…

Rule Three. Don’t betray the fans of the original. As if having to watch Tom (not gay) Cruise running around in Mission: Impossible, we find out that the heroic Jim Phelps betrayed the IMF. Really? The same Jim Phelps who put his ass on the line every week to save the world? The man who put more villainous dictators in their place than Dubya could ever wet dream of? It was a slap in the face to the fans of the original series, and an insult to intelligent viewers.

Rule Four. Don’t remake Casablanca.

Rule Five. Big robots fighting each other over a Rubix cube isn’t big and isn’t clever.

Rule Six. Never let Pitof direct.

Addendum to rule six: Never let Uwe Boll direct. Anything.

Rule Seven. Just because everyone else is doing a _____ film, doesn’t mean you have to resurrect a crap franchise to cash in. I’m half dreading the announcement that some half-assed reimagining of an old cartoon will be appearing in cinemas soon, because it nearly always turns out to be a bad idea. If you need proof that it’s not a way to appease fans, then just look at the mess which Transformers made of its source material.

Rule Eight. Always keep the villain alive for the sequel.

I’ll add to this when I pluck up enough courage to watch what Uwe Boll did to Far Cry, and I suppose that I’ll have rules for making films based on computer games as well. I may even have to watch Super Mario Bros for that, so I might have to sober up before posting my thoughts. If I watch Tomb Raider I’ll need to be really drunk…

.. Told you it’s going to be good.

This is what happens when you anger God.

You may not be a fan of supernatural-esq action movies, I on the other hand do, I also pride myself on bringing you, my beloved readers, news of upcoming and seemingly fantastic yet completely unheard of movies of an epic nature. This is one of those movies.

Alas, Legion is here.. Or atleast, the trailer is. Legion itself will not be with us until January 22nd 2010 I’m afraid. However, the trailer makes up for the time we have to spend waiting in awe and amazement for this diamond of a movie amongst the proverbial quartz. If you are a lover of intense biblical references, or of films such as Constantine, or possibly even Supernatural, then this is the film for you. Oh i’m being deadly serious, this is one of those almighty, post-apocalyptic, holier than thou, demon and angel films with a large and rather unexpected dose of kick ass.

As always, a cast listing is in order, and shockingly there are not many well known individuals in said film. Some of these peoples are as follows; Lucas Black (The X-files, Jarhead, The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift), Charlie. S. Dutton (Gothika, Alien, Fame), Tyrese Gibson (2 Fast 2 Furious, Transformers, Death Race, Transformers 2), Dennis Quiad (The Day After Tomorrow, Vantage Point, G.I Joe: The Rise Of Cobra) and finally, Paul Bettany (Firewall, A Knight’s Tale, The Da Vinci Code). You may be thinking that this is contradictory to my statement about not being well known, well It’s true, whilst the films they star in are pretty famous, the actors themselves are not nearly recognized nearly as much. So it should be interesting as to how this movie pans out. It is however, expected to be pretty prodigious.