Wrestler and former Mr. Universe and Mr. America, Miklós “Mickey” Hargitay and actress/sex symbol Jayne Mansfield, carousing on the beach at Santa Monica, circa 1958-59.

Captured by vintage glam, fun, and cheesecake photographer Peter Gowland, likely with the assistance of his adorable wife Alice (they are a beautiful partnership).

The story goes like this, or so it is said. One night, Jayne Mansfield was attending one of Mae West’s famous burlesque shows (she idolized West, the original dirty blonde, and rightly so). She saw Mickey Hargitay in the crowd and when the waiter came to take her order, she said, “I’ll have a steak and that man on the right.” It was a stormy relationship, full of make-ups, break-ups, and affairs which, given how famous the blonde bombshell and the bodybuilder were, could not help but be public. The pair were tabloid fixtures until the jumping cartoon alarm clock of their marriage finally wound itself down and petered out.

Onstage in 1961, via Vintage Vegas on flickr. Mickey and Jayne had a show there at the Arabian Room called “House of Love.”

The couple divorced in Juarez, Mexico in May 1963. The Mexican divorce was initially declared invalid in California, and the two reconciled in October 1963. After the birth of their third child, Mansfield sued for the Juarez divorce to be declared legal and won. The divorce was recognized in the United States on August 26, 1964. She had previously filed for divorce on May 4, 1962, but told reporters, “I’m sure we will make it up.”

Must have made it up indeed, temporarily. Actress Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU), the youngest of their three children, was born earlier that year.

Via Muscle Growth Lovin’ Femme, unsourced, undated.

Jayne had several failed marriages and dead-end relationships following her final divorce from Mickey. She was killed in a car accident in 1968, along with Sam Brody, her boyfriend and accused child abuser. She was not decapitated; that is pure gruesome urban myth. Three of her children were in the car with her, including Mariska, but they survived with minor injuries.

Ditto credit to above

Mickey Hargitay married Ellen Siano several years after he and Jayne divorced, and remained married to her the rest of his life. She raised Jayne’s children as her own in the wake of their mother’s tragic death. Mickey died of multiple myeloma in 2006.

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay wel it seems that having sumwun else rite a theem song for the sunday awards and meem show is not wurking owt so wel and so i hav ritten wun myself and hired sum peepul to sing it chek it owt!!!

ha ha ok sooper wel this week we hav sevral awards to pass owt starting with the wite elefant award frum my gud frend the purple hatter!!!

as per the purple hatter the only rool for this award is to giv it owt prowdly and so i will!!! i wood like to giv this award to my frends mack hoo mayks a mess, the jugglers of roses, the dingoes wot ar wild, luda, and brownie hoo barks!!!

and now lets git reddy to heer the first vers of my theem song sung by kristchin and sateen frum the moolon roodj!!!

ummmm ha ha i think kristchin and sateen ar a littel konfyoozd abowt wich song they are suppozd to be singing wile we git that straytend owt lets moov on to the nekst award wich is the best blog award frum my frend maggie the mostly vizsla!!!

according to the roolz on this wun i shud pass this award on to fifteen other blogs holy cow that is more then i hav toes i think!!!! i wil hav to git owt my abakus for this wun!!! ok heer goze:

1. dory hoo has her own bakyard!!!
2. martha and bailey the yoonyun organizing bassets!!!
3. joe stains and tanner the very wel dressd dogs!!!
4. and tula monsta hoo is not reely a monsta but is in fakt a dog!!!
5. and tooty nolan hoo may be only tandjentchally tooty
6. lets not forgit my gud frend shadow the poet!!!
7. and of korse the big dancing honey dog!!!
8. and lorenza the keeper of the diary!!!
9. and the sibe tribes!!!  thats khyra and the op pack and the thundering herd and mochi and capn maverick feetchering lisa the mean!!!
10. ok so now this is reely number thirteen akkording to my kalkyoolayshuns and this wun goze to the howse wot has two cats!!!
11. and this is reely number forteen for my frend doraz hoo is feeling mutch better now!!!
12. and finaly this is reely number fifteen wich goze to nellie and calvert hoo dont maskerayd with the guy in shayds oh no!!!

whew that wuz kwite a list now i hope that has given kristchin and sateen time to find the rite songbuk ok tayk it away kristchin and sateen!!!

jeez those too hav got a wun trak mind!!! lets let them go bak and reed my leeriks wun more time and meenwile we wil moov on to the nekst award wot is not reely an award its a triveea kwestchun wot i anserd at my frend maggie maes abowt a dog breed:

this is a kuvasz wot is a dog frum hungary just like me!!! wel i am frum california but my ansestors ar frum hungary!!! thanks for the hungarian showt owt maggie mae!!! and now bak to my singers hoo hav ashoord me that they ar reddy to sing the song wot i rote insted of that crazy stuf they hav ben singing!!!

aiiieeee wot is the matter with yoo two??!?!? ok i am giving yoo wun last chanse to git this rite or yoo ar so fired!!! ok the last award for the day is frum my frend stella hoo invited all us dogs to rite in and tel her abowt the stuf wot we destroyd i gess she didnt git that menny entreez so i sort of won by defawlt but ennyway i shud poynt owt that eksept in a verry fyoo kayses their is no akchooal viddyo evidense that i reely destroyd all that stuf and i kontinyoo to mayntayn it wuz the ninja hedjhogs!!! but i wil aksept this award on there behaff!!! ok now lets go bak to owr gest singers frum the moolan roodj and see if they hav gottin the song rite at last or — uh oh we hav an unawthorizd persun on the set!!!

aiiieeeeee its my old enemy darth tater!!!! oh no wayt it is just darth vader whew i wuz wurreed their for a sekond

ummmm ok so thats the end of a verry verry disterbing sunday awards and meem show!!! if ennywun needs me i wil be under the bed!!! ok bye

Who would’ve thought it would have come so soon? We’ve passed the point where decapitation jokes are now acceptable in public places — including Greyhound.

If you not familiar with what I’m talking about, you haven’t heard the tale of Vince Weiguang Li. On July 31, 2008, riders of this bus company woke up to the sounds of Tim McLean being stabbed in the neck by Li. What followed is still unbelievable a year and a half later.

This is a horrific incident that doesn’t bode well for Greyhound. This incident left all Canadians speechless. This incident spawned rumours which included cannibalism. And now, this incident is the butt end of many bus jokes.

“I hope I still have my head when I reach my destination.”

This is just one I heard a few days ago when I hopped aboard a bus in Vancouver, Canada. Funny, eh? Not for me. Jokes like that shouldn’t be said on the bus.

What made this stabbing so terrifying was how unexpected it was. It surprised us all. When you have to find a seat, you have to choose between dozens of strangers who are packed into this sardine can with you. And sometimes you’re stuck sitting next to the creepiest looking guy imaginable.

The young man who sat beside me said he decided to share the seat because “I didn’t look sketchy.” He followed it up by saying, “Take it as a compliment.”

What is “sketchy” on Greyhound? In my opinion, the creepy men are usually middle-aged, blue collared smokers. I know they’re smokers because the aroma of tar and nicotine follows them in once they board. And on every trip, you’re guaranteed to find at least four scattered throughout this small, confined space.

What I’m getting at is any one of us could have been Tim McLean. It was just sheer luck he sat beside Li.

Even though things have slightly changed at the main terminals with a small security check, Greyhound remains the same.  So, when a middle-aged smoker cracks a decapitation joke for the whole bus to hear, it’s not funny. Some of us were startled, mainly because we had to spend the next twelve hours with the guy. But, on the other hand, some found him hilarious and wanted to hear more headless jokes while we travelled across British Columbia.

Why did they want to hear more? Because they knew they were safe — they went through that security check. But what’s really funny is on every other single stop, the dozens throughout the province, not one has a security check. Anyone could bring on a knife. Anyone could bring on a gun. Any of the hundreds that ride the bus in one night, all over Canada, could be a killer.

So, do we want to continue to crack more jokes even though there is no guarantee of safety on Greyhound? Apparently, we do. Why? Because people have poor taste in what they find funny.

When I started this blog, my main intention was to have a place to put all my short stories that were rejected by various publications. After a few weeks of blogging, a term I still sort of detest, I have gotten obsessed with the goddamned stats page. I can’t figure it out. What the fnuk does people really want to read about? It seems completely random. One day a post gets a fair amount of traffic, but then no one reads it ever again. I started to write about my boring life, I wrote about movies and I wrote about dogs. The posts were all successful and apparently reached all the 7 people that were interested in those subjects. I check my stats page around 36 times a day. I google how to get hits, but haven’t found anything worth while. The stupid thing is that there isn’t really any payoff for me if my blog suddenly became slightly more popular. I have received some comments on some of my posts, and I do appreciate them. It’s nice to know that I’m not just shouting at the moon, that there is in fact someone out there who’s read and enjoyed something I’ve put some time in. Some time on? Some time in? –This is what I hate about blogging, and there’s that word again. You get hung up on a few words, say them over and over again until neither version sounds right and you end up tossing the fucker. Then you re-write the sentence, only this time avoiding at all costs that phrase or series of words that made you tongue-tied in the first place.

I guess I should be topical or at least politically inclined and have some opinions about stuff. That’s what other people blog about. Believe me I’ve tried. I follow the news quite closely, have a few newspapers delivered to me daily and browse cnn.com’s headlines. The problem is that I don’t really care. No, let me rephrase. The problem is that you don’t really care. I mean you can get the real story, so why waste your time with my watered down version. It’ll be basically the same. Sure I’ll add the occasional shit, fuck, piss and cunt to any news story, but other than that, I really wouldn’t be giving you anything new. I work around 90% of the time from home. This gives me plenty of time to write in-depth stories about Islam, but I wont… Why? –Because we´re not fucking allowed!!! I had to think twice about writing that previous sentence. If this isn’t a reason NOT to get out of Afghanistan, I don’t know what is. We are being bullied by these… I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. I’m serious, what am I going to call them? You know who I’m talking about. That big group of religious folks. –Did you know that the director of that new movie 2012 wanted a car or something to land on a praying muslim, but the screenwriter refused. Why? –Because he didn’t want a fatwa on his head. A fatwa is basically a ruling from a religious leader, calling all arms to kill this guy. It has happened many times before and it will happen again.

Theo Van Gogh was a Dutch film director, who worked with writer Ayaan Hirsi Ali to produce the film Submission, which analyzed the treatment of women in Islam. Some claimed the film was critical of Islam, and On November 2nd, 2004 he was assassinated by Mohammed Bouyeri, a Dutch Muslim.

How is this picture relevant you ask? –It is not a pretty picture, and I think I mentioned the war in Afghanistan...

Let me paint a picture here for you. Imagine riding your bicycle to work. You’re probably thinking about your twelve year old daughter and how nice the weather is. It is November and with Christmas around the corner, you start to think about your family. The in-laws are probably coming over on Christmas Eve. You’re not too thrilled, but your daughter likes it and it is important for your wife, so you oblige them. Silly feuds over the in-laws. Deep inside you actually love them. The slightly dimwitted mother and the father that speaks too much. Whatever flaws they have, they produced a daughter that wanted to marry you and together you have this beautiful child. It’s going to be a nice day at the office today. You have on that special shirt. The one that makes you look a little thinner.

November 2nd, 2004.

Boom! You have never heard a real gunshot before, but you know this was the real thing. It all happens so fast. Before you can feel the first bullet that ripped through you, seven more gunshots are heard and seven more bullets enter your body. You think that the last five might’ve only been echoes. They weren’t. It doesn’t hurt. There wasn’t time. The bike vanishes from underneath you. You feel like you’re floating down on the hard pavement. When you hit the pavement, it feels like landing on a giant marshmallow. A voice inside you tells you that everything is alright, that there isn’t any need to be worried. Finally, what was blurry faded out softly, and you are no more. You have died, but you are still hanging around. It all seems so perfectly clear to you that you don’t even question what is going on. You might be waiting for someone to come and claim you from above or you might be hanging around in case the paramedics bring the defibrillator. Either way, you hear footsteps coming closer. There’s nothing you can do at this point. Here comes the knife and it’s sawing your head off. If that wasn’t enough. If the eight bullets and decapitation wasn’t enough, you get stabbed in the chest. Then another knife appears and stabs you again, this time through a five age letter the madman has written. You are left on the streets with two knives implanted in your torso, one attaching the five page letter covered in blood,  and it starts to rain…  You think about the movie you made. Was it really that good? You can’t reason with these people, and I might have to down a bottle of gin before I have the balls to post this thing on my blog. I don’t know. If my father knew that I’d even mentioned Theo van Gogh, he’d panic and beg me to delete everything. Theo was the great grandson of another Theo van Gogh, who was the brother of a certain Vincent van Gogh. Imagine that. Yes the picture I painted was a true story, if you didn’t understand. Jesus… I mean Muhammad… I mean… –I don’t know what to say…

Now I’m just depressed again. Dammit. For those of you who don’t know, I’m bi-polar… Yesterday I had to eat an entire Ben&Jerry’s chocolate fudge something or other.

Crimson Kimono

15# Crimson Samurai

This was originally created as a Tattoo sample test when I was applying for a job as a tattoo designer, not the harpoooner, just creating the bespoke designs, I never got the job, but i’ve finished colouring in my test design, well kinda…. don’t have alot of time to finish him perfectly. Basically he’s a Samurai that wears a “Crimson Kimono”. He stands in front of a waterfall, he has just beheaded his opponent.

Jorge Steven López Mercado

San Juan, Puerto Rico – The Associated Press is reporting that the arrested suspect in Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado’s grisly murder is claiming the infamous “gay panic” defense to besmirch the character of the victim, and appeal to anti-gay machismo.  Regional Police Director Hector Agosto said, “This was a ruthless crime.  Whoever did this just wanted to make the person disappear.”  Gay rights advocates in the Caribbean United States Territory have carried out a number of memorial events for young Lopez Mercado, as well as protests in the capital, San Juan demanding that police investigate the murder as a bias-related hate crime.  ”They are hurt and they are indignant,” gay activist Pedro Julio Serrano said to reporters. “They are calling for justice.”  Local island media are reporting that Juan Antonio Martínez Matos, 26, a father of four, was arrested by authorities for the murder.  Matos is alleging that he was in search of a woman for sex, and when he found out that Lopez Mercado was a gay youth instead of a female, he panicked.  Whether he is speaking under the direction of an attorney is not known at this time, but in any event, the suspect has appardently made the calculation that enough members of the public will buy his account that he will be more likely to receive a lighter sentence, if convicted.  On the mainland, the gay or trans-panic defense has been tried on many occasions in an attempt to cast enough aspersions on the character of the LGBT victim that public opinion will soften toward the defendant.  In recent court cases, such as the trial of Allen Ray Andrade, the murderer of trans Latina Angie Zapata in Greeley, Colorado, the panic defense has fallen flat.  Andrade, who made a similar claim, left both judge and jury unconvinced, and received life in prison without hope of parole.  According to Box Turtle Bulletin, Matos also claimed that Lopez Mercado demanded money from him. Police investigators have allegedly discovered a wig, a burned mattress, burned PVC pipe, and a knife at the suspect’s apartment.  Accounts also say that police found blood stains on the wall of the courtyard of the apartment.  Investigator José J. Bermúdez said to the press that he has no doubt that López’s murder can be prosecuted as a hate crime.  Since the public can easily be prejudiced by media accounts that are both uncritical of a suspect’s allegations about his victim, and unverified as to what actually may (or may not) have been found at a crime scene, the Unfinished Lives Project will pass these details along as currently unsubstantiated reports until properly and fully vetted.  Officials in Puerto Rico are now saying that the mutilated, beheaded and partially burned body of Lopez Mercado was discovered on Friday, November 13 in a wooded area near Cayey, only a few miles from his home in Caguas.  Both the LGBT community in Puerto Rico and the Puerto Rican population of New York City have expressed grave concern about the most savage murder of a gay person in Puerto Rico’s history.

Caguas, Puerto Rico – Reports just making the wires confirm that Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado, a gay teenager from Puerto Rico, was found brutally murdered in an anti-gay hate crime on November 14.  According to a CNNi item, the dismembered body of the 18-year-old was found on the side of a road in Cayey, partially burned and decapitated.  Mercado’s arms and legs were severed from his torso.  Christopher Pagan, who made the initial report to CNNi, related that Mercado was “was a very well known person in the gay community of Puerto Rico, and very loved.”  Associated Content reports that the police investigator in charge of the case made a televised statement to the press to the effect that “people [like young Mercado]  who lead this type of lifestyle need to be aware that this will happen.”  The response in the Puerto Rican LGBT community has been swift and intense.  Pressure is being brought to bear upon authorities to remove the investigator on the grounds that his prejudice hampers the pursuit of justice in the case of an anti-LGBT hate crime murder such as this.  The blog Towelroad quotes gay Puerto Rican activist Pedro Julio Serrano, “It is inconceivable that the investigating officer suggests that the victim deserved his fate, like a woman deserves rape for wearing a short skirt. We demand condemnation of this investigator and demand that Superintendente Figueroa Sancha replace him with someone capable of investigating this case without prejudice.”   Today, November 17, a 28-year-old suspect has been arrested in conjunction with the Mercado investigation, according to Primiera Hora.  Intensive interviews with Mercado’s friends pointed to the suspect, alleging that he had offered Mercado money in exchange for sex.  In further developments today, the police superintendent has dismissed allegations of homophobia against the police investigator who expressed his negative opinion about members of the gay community.  Serrano has issued this statement in response to the arrest and the innuendo swirling around this case: “Even when everyone is innocent until proven guilty, it is hopeful that they have arrested a suspect. We’re grateful for the Police work that has acted promptly and we trust that the investigation digs into the hate crime angle and if it is proven that it was indeed bias-related, that the criminal is processed to the full extent of the law….We urge the media and the authorities not to judge the victim, but the criminal who committed this horrendous crime. Even if there are particular circumstances in which this crime was committed, we have to keep the attention where it deserves to be: a young gay man was brutally murdered by someone who did not have any compassion or respect for the dignity of a human life.”  Associated Content evaluates the situation for LGBT persons and the memory of young Mercado: “Puerto Rico has a conservative religious climate, being strongly influenced by Roman Catholicism and socially conservative Protestantism. Puerto Rico is also a United States territory. As a result the brutal murder of George Steven Lopez Mercado is a hate crime under the hate crime legislation signed into law by President Barack Obama of the United States. To date no murder has yet been classified as a hate crime in Puerto Rico. Homosexuality in Puerto Rico is not illegal and George Steven Lopez Mercado deserves as much protection under the law as any other Puerto Rican citizen.”  The FBI is monitoring the situation, and has expressed willingness to assist in the investigation.

I am in a small, dark room, threatening Jeffrey and Cole by pulling a human head out of a paper bag and showing it to them. Suddenly I am on top of a large hill in a desert-y region of Italy. I am taking pictures with lots of solar flare and trying to find gas for the SUV so I can move on to the next location.
Soundtrack: Bad Romance, Lady Gaga

I spent last night rewriting chapter 8 of ZAZEN (lagerstätte), which is now up on Arthur. It has been pointed out that my copy editing skills could use some work but I wasn’t able to touch it up without second guessing it and rearranging it. Much like Michael Jackson’s face, the “just one more little thing” mentality of rewriting is something to be feared. To those who say I frequently don’t catch typos, you should see me write in GErman. It’s a tragedy.

Regarding the question, what the hell is a lagerstätte…I point you toward a wonderful bit of history, the ever popular (in my head) Solnhofen Limestone.

As for the paper mache Head of John the Baptist made out of the paperwork associated with a personal academic history–well, that needs no explanation.

XBOX 360, Rated M for Mature.

In my Top 100 Favorite Videogame List I included several games that prolific designer Tim Schafer was involved in, including two he was project lead on: Grim Fandango and Psychonauts. So I’m obviously a fan. Schafer is the master of adventure games. He knows that some of the most important parts of a videogame are story and voice acting, and always bases his gameplay around them. His games span many genres, from classic point and click adventure puzzles, to platformers, and now, the real time strategy game.

Prior to Brütal Legend, all the RTS games I’d played on the 360 sucked. Halo Wars was supposed to be the RTS revolution for consoles, but I found the demo frustrating and outdated and passed on it. I had always wanted to play the LOTR Battle for Middle-Earth series, but the port of the sequel was clunky and I stopped playing it after about a week, then traded it in to purchase this game. I love Civilization: Revolution, but that’s turn-based and still works in a controller-based format. Brütal Legend is the first game I’ve played that successfully brings the RTS to the console, and it does so very well. The campaign, which is hilarious thanks to the excellent voicework of Jack Black and others, is great and tells a very original and badass story. It also acts as a tutorial for the multiplayer, called “stage battles,” which are basically very fast-paced and satisfying RTS brawls, with some RPG elements as well as some beat em’ up. You command your troops by flying above the battlefield, and can raise and lower yourself to get a better vantage point. Troops are purchased using a classic resource system, only instead of lumber and gold, it’s fans, green spirits that come out of vents in the ground. The commands at your disposal are very basic, and your army is semi-intelligent at best, but what’s awesome is how the game allows you to jump into the battle and use your superior fighting combos to decimate the enemy. The RPG side of the experience comes in the form of spells, or in this case, guitar solos. There’s an immense attention to detail in the art design, and what’s sweet is how all these classic gaming tropes are given new spins thanks to the game’s heavy metal theme.

Having a love for the heavy metal genre isn’t necessary to enjoy the game, although if you don’t like it at all, Brütal Legend might not be for you. I had a mild interest in the music prior to playing this, and now I’m obsessed. The soundtrack is fantastic and includes songs from practically every metal subgenre. Overall, this is a fantastic experience, with lots of replayability. If you’re looking for something a little different, a game that may not be the most innovative product on the marketplace but has an entertaining story, then this is well worth the $59.99.

SCORE:8.9

In other videogame news, there’s several games I’ve played recently that would be eligible to enter my Top 100 list, including this one. In addition, I’d add Batman: Arkham Asylum and Condemned 2: Bloodshot, both excellent games, although the former is much better. In fact it’s the best in this trio.

On the Horizon

There’s a lot of great games coming out over the next few months, starting with the DLC add-on Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony, which hits Xbox Live this Thursday, October 29th. After that, my next big release is Assassin’s Creed II (11.17.2009), which I’m practically frothing at the mouth for. Most gamers are probably pissing themselves waiting for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (11.10.2009), although ACII’s story and improved variety of gameplay has won me over. I’ll get MW2, but not until December.

A new year brings new games, and January 26th will herald the arrival of Mass Effect 2, the highly-anticipated sequel to the fantastic RPG (who am I kidding? All of these games are highly-anticipated!). February sees two equally massive releases, both sequels: Bioshock 2 (02.09.2009) and Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Conviction (02.23.2009). Other games of interest: Perfect Dark on the Xbox Live Arcade, Left 4 Dead 2 (11.17.2009), The Saboteur (12.08.2009), Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty, Alan Wake, Dante’s Inferno (02.09.2010), Dead Rising 2 (02.10.2010), Lost Planet 2 (02.23.2010), Super Street Fighter IV (3.23.2010), Alien vs. Predator (03.31.2010), Max Payne 3 (06.30.2010), Fable III, Halo: Reach, Diablo III and Metal Gear Solid: Rising.

Remember, videogame release dates are subject to change. Constantly.

L'homme sans tête, Sergio Gonzalez Rodriguez / NR

A few words on the latest book of Sergio Gonzalez Rodriguez, The man without a head. A brilliant analysis of the wave of violence Mexico has known in the ultimate months. The Mexican author and journalist worked on the practice of decapitation and replaced it in a more general context. The entertainment society, the war between drug cartels in Mexico, the escalation of terror, old beliefs… The complexity of violence and the few solutions come from the multiplicity of factors and the “institutionalization” of such practices.

Sergio Gonzalez Rodriguez belongs to the generation of new gonzo journalists. He has already received threats for his investigations (especially for the case of the Ciudad Juarez murders in Bones in the Desert). In a personal style he mixes philosophical reflections, raw testimonials and revelations extracted from his investigation. Impressive.

* The book is published these days in France (ed. Passages du Nord Ouest, 16 euros) after the original was published in Mexico, in Spanish. No translation in English has been made yet.

Kul’s Aaron asks if I’m finding the novel as ridiculous as he does. Not ‘ridiculous,’ per se. But I’m finding that good ol’ Van Helsing has sucked a lot of the life out of the story with his putatively Dutch tortured syntax. A couple lines of this stuff is cute, but now Stoker’s treating us to paragraph after paragraph of exposition in this style and it makes me want to drive a sharp wooden stake into my own heart. I was in the Netherlands recently and can say with 100% certainty that Dutch people do not, in fact, talk this way. Even when they’re speaking English.

Plus I’m finding all the tragic deaths and subsequent outpourings of love and goodwill and declarations of eternal love, trust and friendship between the surviving characters to be a bit much. My feelings on this are best summed up by a quote from our own dear departed David Foster Wallace:

Let’s not all sit around and give each other handjobs.

I think half the problem is that Stoker drags out the Big Reveal About Lucy for about a million chapters, with Van Helsing hand-feeding Seward from his little Dutch Pez-dispenser of clues every step of the goddamn way. This is particularly irksome because I know the story, and usually when you know the story you can try to find interest in the style or whatever, but since we’re getting most of this section in Van Helsing’s words as recorded by Seward, and Van Helsing and Seward aren’t exactly the Johnson and Boswell of the Victorian era, the going is a bit rough.

But let’s keep our chins up — Van Helsing keeps abruptly asking people for permission to chop Lucy’s head off and stuff her mouth with garlic, and that’s gotta lead to something interesting, right?

One of my favorite things to do when I’m back in NYC is reconnect with old friends, which is why I always block out several hours to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

This painting of “Judith with the Head of Holofernes” by Lucas Cranach the Elder was the inspiration for my painting “Golden Silence.”  (Don’t you think Jeannie would have gotten tired of saying “Yes, master” eventually?  I do.)  If you haven’t been reading up on your Old Testament lately you might not remember this one.  The Assyrians were pummeling the Israelites so Judith, being quite daring, got all tarted up and went to General Holofernes’ tent, seduced him, and when he fell asleep she lopped off his head. (Just like a praying mantis!  Well she didn’t bite it off.  She used a sword.  Much more sensible.)  The Assyrians were so freaked out by this that apparently they just packed up and left.  Judith, though beset my many suitors, remained single to her death.  (Maybe those guys were just being polite — I can’t imagine it would be easy to get a good night’s sleep with Judith — “Did I close the tent flap before I got into bed?  What if I left the goat’s milk out again…”)

Cranach revisited this subject quite a few times.  (You can play “spot the differences” with those two in the top row.)

Obsess much?

“And she smote twice upon his neck with all her might, and she took away his head from him.”  The Book of Judith 13:6-9

I love that — is there some way to use it in conversation?  “Don’t piss me off or I’ll take your head away!”  or “Don’t make me smite you twice!”  I think there’s something there.

It might not be fair to say Cranach was obsessed — a lot of the paintings of this era weren’t that different from illustration in that the artist would get a commission with a directive (“We want a really BIG assumption of the Virgin right over here, I mean I want to feel myself being sucked up into the heavens.  Can you do that?  And make it fit around this sacristy?”)  But I do wonder how much of it was his own idea.  (“WTF? We asked for an assumption and we got this big bloody beheading! Nice hat though…”)

Lucas Cranach the Elder had three sons who were also all painters, John Lucas Cranach, Hans Cranach, and Lucas Cranach the Younger.  (I know what you’re thinking but it’s not as bad as George Foreman naming all five of his sons George Foreman.)  He also had a daughter Barbara — I’m sure everyone just called her Babs.

Hans was a chip off the old block, here’s his Judith:

Like father like son...

She looks a bit bored but maybe she’s just tuckered out.  And Lucas the Younger painted this nice young lady.  I like it but… I dunno, something’s missing for me…

Where’s the big bloody head? He must’ve been such a disappointment to his father.  (“Seemed like an apt pupil but he just never got the knack for viscera…”)

Chris Moore, wonderfully funny author of many books including the vampire novel “You Suck!” actually has quite a bit so say about the dozens of artists who’ve painted Judith in “History of Art IV – Judy Gets Some Head.”  Verrrry funny and well worth a peek.

I haven’t talked about this yet, although I have been watching closely to see what happened.

No doubt you’ve heard about this in the news, especially if you’re a gamer

First off, Left 4 Dead 2 was banned from Australia for this reason:

The game contains realistic, frenetic and unrelenting violence which is inflicted upon ‘the Infected’ who are living humans infected with a rabies-like virus that causes them to act violently… However, it is the use of the ‘melee’ weapons such as the crowbar, axe, chainsaw and Samurai sword which inflict the most damage. These close in attacks cause copious amounts of blood spray and splatter, decapitations and limb dismemberment as well as locational damage where contact is made to the enemy which may reveal skeletal bits and gore.

Why they just don’t up the rating to 18, I’m not sure. It seems as if even the adults over there are being told they can’t play a game with gore in it.

However, Valve has re-submitted a modified version. Quote from here:

Valve recently submitted a modified version of the game for classification by the OFLC. This modified version has a significantly less amount of gore. Decapitation and dismemberment were removed, blood splatter is almost completely non-existent, and the ever-ambiguous ‘piles of dead bodies’ issue has been solved by removing dead zombi-, err, rabies-infected living humans, as soon as they hit the ground.

Looks like Australians will be able to play… But a heavily modified version. I’d be annoyed if I lived over there. Personally, I think the gore should be swapped with rainbows, the tanks swapped with car rentals and the witches swapped with friendly girl scouts. It’s for the best, for our innocence!

By Brother Nathanael Kapner – Copyright © 2008
All Articles May Be Reproduced Only With Authorship of Br Nathanael Kapner
& Link To Real Jew News
 
JEWS HAVE FOUND AN ALLY in Pope Benedict XVI. Following in the steps of his predecessor, Pope John Paul II, who officially recognized modern day Jews as the ‘Chosen People of God’ Here,http://www.batkol.info/Jewish_Christian_Relations.html Pope Benedict is fulfilling the same role of pandering to the Jews.

On the night of Wednesday, July 30th 2008, Canada one-upped the United States of Boring. Vince Weiguang Li, 40, of Edmonton, Alberta, was riding the Greyhound bus, when he began channeling an unseen violence. The pathological force was directed at 22-year-old JokAwild, a shy juggalo. JokAwild was sleeping with headphones, unaware of the horrible mistake he had made by letting someone sit next to him. Also known in some circles as Tim McLean, JokAwild worked at the carnival in Edmonton, where doubtless plethoras of juggalos and juggalettes are found. There is a way to avoid sharing your seat on Greyhound, and to prevent yourself from being murdered. Simply sprawl across both seats with your ass crack hanging out towards the aisle, and cover your face with your dirty hoodie while hacking and coughing loudly.

The fateful attack occurred along a desolate stretch of Canadian highway near Portage La Praire. Li pulled out a large hunting knife and began stabbing JokAwild. A bus of 35 passengers heard his bloodcurdling scream and the driver pulled over. Everyone evacuated while Vince stabbed JokAwild repeatedly and methodically. “When he was attacking him, he was calm … like he was at the beach,” said fellow passenger Garnet Caton. “There was no rage or, or anything. He was just like a robot stabbing the guy.” After evacuation, the driver, a truck driver, and Caton re-entered the bus where the witnessed Vince beheading an eviscerated JokAwild on the floor of the bus. There was blood everywhere.

They quickly exited and barricaded the door as Vince followed, attempting to slash at them with his hunting knife. The driver then disabled the bus because Vince attempted to flee in it. Vince then brought the head to the front of the bus, where several men were guarding the door with hammers and crowbars, and serenely displayed it to them. He then returned to his butchery.

Vince had only been on the bus an hour, and had moved from a front seat to the back during a rest stop. He had seemed quiet and normal until he pulled out a fucking hunting knife and went to town on his seat-mate. He has no prior criminal record. When arrested, he told the police “I need to stay on the bus forever.” They discovered a plastic bag containing an ear, nose and part of a mouth in his pocket, according to a police report submitted by prosecutor Joyce Dalmyn as evidence supporting a request for the psychological test. A police tape describes him being found eating pieces of the body. Before the killing, Vince had worked for four years as a custodian at a church. After his arrest, he assumed a silent attitude and refused to speak with the prosecutor and with his own attorney. When asked by the judge if he wanted a lawyer, he said quietly, “Please kill me.”

After being charged with second-degree murder, a judge ruled in March 2009 that Li suffered from untreated schizophrenia and did not realize that killing the juggalo was wrong. He will be institutionalized for at least a year before a psychiatric review and possible release.

Islamic Fascism's - Honor By Decapitation

DOES THIS SOUND TO YOU LIKE ABSENCE OF “MALICE AFORETHOUGHT” AND “INTENT TO DO INJURY”? I DIDN’T THINK SO.

Web News WorldNetDaily

man-slaugh-ter: “the unlawful killing of a human being without malice aforethought.” – The Random House Dictionary, 2009

man-slaugh-ter: “the unlawful killing of one human by another without express or implied intent to do injury.” – The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, fourth edition, 2009

man-slaugh-ter: “the unlawful killing of a human being without malice – compare HOMICIDE, MURDER ” – Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of Law, 1996

“Words mean things,” Rush Limbaugh likes to say. Well, if the word manslaughter means anything at all, why would a court in the state of New York – where English presumably is still spoken and understood – accept a plea of manslaughter from Muzzammil “Mo” Hassan?

Hassan, if you remember, is the Bridges TV founder charged with the decapitation death of his wife, Aasiya Zabair Hassan, in his upscale suburban Buffalo office last February, where she was found with three dozen stab wounds to her body and her head sawed off with a steak knife.

Hassan turned himself in the same day, confessed to the crime and reportedly told police he had decapitated Aasiya to keep her soul from entering paradise. (This belief was later confirmed by ritual-murder expert Dr. Dawn Pearlmutter in an interview with Bill O’Reilly, as referenced in an article by Islam expert Dr. Phyllis Chesler. Dr. Pearlmutter explained that beheadings are highly symbolic and always about “restoring honor” or “purity” to the beheader.)

But that didn’t stop Hassan’s defense attorney, James Harrington, from announcing at a pretrial conference Sept. 18 that he would present a “psychiatric defense” based on “emotional distress.” This would make possible a conviction of manslaughter rather than second degree murder, sticking the alleged monster away for up to 25 years rather than for life. Makes you wonder what a person has to do in New York to get charged with first degree murder, doesn’t it?

Assistant District Attorney Colleen Curtin Gable isn’t buying it, though, and asked Erie County Judge Thomas Franczyk to bar the defense from introducing psychiatric evidence. The prosecution’s case will be built on alleged admissions, forensic evidence and “strong motive evidence,” she said.

Even the National Organization for Women, which rarely comments on Shariah-style disposal of family members, couldn’t ignore a crime this blatant. “This was apparently a terroristic version of honor killing, a murder rooted in cultural notions about women’s subordination to men,” New York State NOW President Marcia Pappas stated.

Islamic Fascism's - Honor By Coup De Grasse

Muslim community organizer and former NBC news editor Zerqa Abid blogged about Hassan a few days after his arrest.

“The fact that Muzzammil was married to my first cousin before marrying the victim still horrifies us,” she wrote. “Ms. Zubair was his third wife. Both of his earlier wives filed divorce on the same grounds of severe domestic violence and abuses. My cousin lived with him for only a year. Yet, it took her several years to get rid of the fear of living with a man in marriage. He was known as violent and abusive in the community.”

Shortly after the crime, Doug Hagmann, director of the Northeast Intelligence Network, was granted an interview with a police source on condition of anonymity.

“It was all about honor, and the dishonor she [the victim] was bringing upon him and his family,” Hagmann’s source said. “There was definitely a cultural if not a religious aspect to these incidents. There were numerous calls to police, many made by the victim, some on behalf of the victim, because of domestic violence. There were indications of physical abuse. Each time, the victim refused to file charges against her husband.”

Does this sound to you like absence of “malice aforethought” and “intent to do injury”? I didn’t think so.

Islamic Fascism's - Murder By Bludgeoning Christian

Once I was tasked with researching inmate records by a state Department of Corrections, in a state not so very different from yours or mine. The objective was to ascertain how much of the sentence the average felon actually serves behind bars, as opposed to how much gets written off for parole, good behavior, or any number of other reasons. The statistics were compiled from all prison records in that state over a 10-year period. The stats were not broken down by type of felony or number of prior offenses, and the department had no preconceived agenda or idea of what it might find. It just wanted to know the answer.

The numbers, when finally collected and averaged, disappointed all of us working on the project. The average amount of time served turned out to be just under a third of the time to which the felons originally had been sentenced. That means that in Hassan’s case, even if he received the maximum sentence of 25 years for manslaughter, he would stand a good chance of having to serve only eight.

Eight years for cutting off your wife’s head? People get more time than that for tax evasion and possession of marijuana. Emotional distress? Yes, I imagine Mrs. Hassan must have experienced quite a lot of emotional distress, but it’s the killer’s distress – not the victim’s – that Harrington wants us to focus on. If he gets his way, when the case goes to trial in January that’s what the jury will have to do. And “manslaughter,” another perfectly good English word that used to mean something, will have been redefined for the generations that follow.

WR

For some time we’ve been following the little flap over deer-eradication in Shawnee Mission Park, where the ungulates have outgrown their suburban constraints and are bothering pretty much everyone. Both sides have been a little careless with their rhetoric, with the pro-death crowd hiring a squad of weekend warrior mercenaries, and the pro-deer crowd erecting billboards to persuade passersby that Bambi should live. But that was all child’s play — because a man named Jason Miller has trumped anything and everything with one act of perplexing, amazing, gutsy defiance. He took it to a Lord of the Flies level, and now we say: game, set, match.

Yes, it’s the severed head of a deer.

Jason Miller, an animal rights activist, got the deer head from a meat processor and brought it to Shawnee Mission Park today.

He wanted to graphically demonstate what is about to happen to 75 percent of a herd of deer in Shawnee Mission Park that is estimated to be about 700.

Oh, sweet lord. Who goes to a meat processor and asks for a deer’s head? And who places said head in a basket and leaves it for officials? Insanity, thy name is Jason Miller. But it gets so much better.

Miller referred to the deer head as Victoria and said that if the “planned slaughter” goes forward, “I (Victoria) will be the future face of Shawnee Mission Park, which would in turn come to be known as Death Park.”

Um. You f’ing named it? You… you do realize it’s just a severed head, right? And not an actual living creature? We do like the part about “Death Park,” though. Kind of catchy, and it would probably clear out the jogging trails a bit. The bottom line here, though, is a) environmentalists know no dramatic bounds, and b) Jason Miller’s mind works in odd ways.

Your move, park officials.

Haunting your home can be a greatly rewarding experience.  When I was just 6 years old I used to decorate my room in my brother’s black sheets, use a black light sticking out of a Budweiser Can light, and wrap my trash basket with tin foil.  My mother, father, babysitter, or whomever I could get would proceed into everything from “The Swamp of Doom” to “The Darkness”. 

The most important thing to remember in a home haunt is to HAVE FUN!  It doesn’t matter what anyone says, as long as you are having fun it doesn’t really matter.  Start off small.  I would advise though, do not use black plastic, it can be made of several things.  However when it burns they give off not only carcinogenic but also carbon monoxide.  This means that as it is burning and melting onto people and causing third degree burns, it is also going into their lungs and that can hurt them as well.  We at Shotgun Manor use an assortment of materials. 

Cardboard (we are getting away from it though because it burns easily) is a cheap effect means to cover your walls.  It can be found in most retail stores and most managers will let you have as much as you want!  There is also plywood which is more durable (and costs more) and is easier to reuse year after year.  However, you can use just about anything to make a “Wall”.  Natural Barriers such as a desk, table, chair, mound of toys, prop or just about anything else can help you place your potential victim in the right spot. 

Now that you have your materials to cover your walls or a natural barrier, you need some way to mount them.  This could be done by making a frame for your cardboard or plywood, or it could mean just placing it on the floor in the path of your victim so they must go around it.  The real key to the placement of the wall or barrier is to make sure you try to disorient your victim.  Make them loose their place as far as their location goes.  They are no longer in your garage, shed or bedroom.  They are in a far off place where they are all alone in the world! 

So now you have the walls, you have the barriers, and you are ready to scare?  Not just yet.  You need a distraction.  Something that will make them think, “They are going to try to scare me from there” or “That thing is going to move and try to scare me”.  It is natural for a person to back away from something they think might be frightening.  You must use this to your advantage to “draw them in”.  So think about how the distraction will make them react.  Then, place the real scare where they are naturally going to be moving . 

As in hunting, there is a decoy or a call.  You are hunting your victim, not kill them (ok, so you want to make them think you are going to) but to give them a safe, fun, thrilling time.  Remember, having a home haunt is just as much fun (if not more) for you as it is for the people you invite!