For example:  I got laid off last year, but then I landed the perfect job!  Things happen for a reason.  I overslept, and missed the ferry, but then I heard it had mechanical failure and was stuck in the sound for hours.  Things happen for a reason.

For some reason, and I don’t know what it is.  This bugs the heck out me.  I am in the opposite camp.  In my belief, stuff (or another word that starts with an S) happens, and we choose how to react. I got laid off?  Well then I am going to start working my ass off to apply to anything that sounds good.  HEY, I got a great job.  Because I busted my ass to find it.  No one GAVE it to me.

I was turned around 4 times trying to climb Rainier?  I started riding bikes and met everyone of my goals since then, cuz my body functions GREAT below 12000 ft.  Being turned around didn’t happen for a reason, it happened due to genetics.  I coulda become a couch potato, but nope!  I looked for and found another way to stay in shape.  Stuff happened and I chose what to do about.

I guess that’s the thing that bugs me about “Things happen for a reason.”  If it’s all preordained, if there is some plan , then why should I stress and try so hard.  Whether I work hard or not, if the plan is that I get laid off, then it wouldn’t make a difference.  I do not like not having any control.

In my humble opinion, its our choices and dumb luck that control what happens to us.

Did he say luck?

Yeppers!  I firmly believe there is good and bad luck in the world.  I have made it to work, been at my desk, and found out that there was a HUGE wreck somewhere.   The freeway is basically closed.  Yep I got lucky.  My wife and I took a seaplane to Dry Tortuga off of Key West.  We landed and the sea rudders broke we couldn’t dock.  Bad luck.  Win lotto, good luck, flat tire, bad luck.

You can increase your luck, say to get a job, by doing research, having great references, and excellent reputation.  But it still comes down to being that one person more qualified than someone else AND hitting it off with the people doing the interview.  There is always that intangible, the thing that can happen to either make or ruin your plans.  This is luck.

10 years or so ago was a country and western song.  it may or may not have been called “Jesus take the Wheel”.  Long and short of it, this girl was driving, hit ice, lost control and let go of the wheel and yelled “Jesus tale the wheel!”  I am telling you every time this came on the radio I yelled at the station in my car.  I am NOT denigrating anyone’s beliefs.  What made me mad was thinking.  Crap, what happens if this happens to someone on the some road I am on, and they throw their hands up like that!  999 out of a 1000, they are going to crash and burn, and they could take me too!  If it does work, it is flat dumb luck!

Why do I bring this up.  Because it illustrates my point perfectly.  If I am in a spin in a car, I want to have my hands on the wheel, doing everything I can to regain control.  I am not going to leave it up to chance.

Long and short of it, if more people in the world owned up to the fact that it’s the choices in life that we make that has made us what we are and will continue to do so in the future.  It’s not the math teacher who “hated you”  the girlfriend who dumped you, or the school bully who was mean to you.  It’s what you did after these things happened that mattered.  If plan A doesn’t work, whats your B,C, D…

But I am curious, of those who read this.  What do you think.  Does it happen for a reason?  Or does stuff happen and we react from there?

The first evening came and it was really hard to remember enough. It felt like there wasn’t so much to appreciate. I changed the rules that night and decided not to remember 5 elements but as many as come up into my mind. I wanted it to be visual challenge and since for me appreciation is a form of love (what I love, I appreciate), I chose heart shape as a symbol.

I took an A3 paper, drew 30 large hearts all over it, and the plan was to draw a little heart for every element of life I remember to appreciate in the evening before going to sleep.

It has been fascinating how the numbers started going up. 6, 7, 8, 9, 8, 16, 12, 8, 16, 9, 6, 22, 16, 25, 26, 16, 19, 27, 37, 21, 24, 22, 28, 26, 20, 23, 24, 20…

So it took over 17 days to have the result where I would find it easy to remember over 20 elements of positive stuff that I love about my life that day. I also remember that the days where I was volunteering, helping someone, my list of things that I appreciate, would be significantly higher. It is amazing to see how helping others really does help me to be much happier.

To an outward observer my  life seems still very much the same. But for me it doesn’t. I feel so much happier. Remember to stop and smile, and feel appreciation many times throughout the day. I love and appreciate the way I am able to feel. Feelings are like muscles, we can train ourselves to feel certain way and then it is so easy to do that. We become stronger and more efficient in creating the state of mind necessary to feel good.

It is such a powerful feeling, a feeling of freedom to choose how I’d like to feel. No matter what are the circumstances that life has caused to surround us, there is always something I can direct my mind on, that makes me feel how I prefer. If there isn’t anything outside me that I would see to help, I can always pick any memory from my past that takes me instantly to a better feeling place.

I love this knowing that I can always feel good if I choose to. Will I always remember? That is up to me to decide. How highly do I value feeling good? How much do I focus on my feelings?

Me: k, I have a question. Then I can stop being crazy to myself. Right now, where do you see us going. I realize feelings can change later, but like in this moment how do you see us continuing or not lol

Cooper: I like us. As it stands now we feel like just fuck buddies. I enjoy hanging out with you

And I didn’t even know how to respond to that. I needed time to process and figure out what that meant to me. I thought we were more than that, I thought we were dating, and starting a relationship. I was letting myself fall for him, I was opening myself up and letting myself want him in my life, not just for the good, happy feelings, but when I was feeling vulnerable or sad or whatever. Something that you all know I didn’t really do with Adam. And this just sort of came as a slap in the face.

I spoke to Ed about it, and he laid it out like a guy would. Either I, 1. Stay, enjoy, and know the hurt can eventually come when he meets and falls in love with someone else. or 2. End it, and be sad now, but move on.

Now, normally this would be the ideal situation for a friends with benefits situation in my opinion. We do things other than have sex and fool around, and we have common interests. But knowing this a month and a half ago would have been nice. I guess I assumed not much changed on the “we’re in a relationship” front when he broke up with Sharon, I just assumed we were still dating as we were. I didn’t think to bring it up to him until now. But I can’t take all the blame for this, there are things that he did, that in my opinion, you don’t do to someone who is just a friend. Saying he would miss me while I was away, or kissing me in front of his friends, you normally reserve that for girlfriends/boyfriends, people you are romantically involved with, in my opinion.

I just worry that I’ve gotten in over my head and if I continue with how things are I am going to get hurt when he decides he met someone he wants a relationship with and it isn’t me. I just don’t know what my heart can take right now, it’s already heavy, after Saturdays cancelling, all I’ve wanted is a hug from him, and to see him, now I want to hide and avoid him, but I still want to spend time with him. If I end things now though, all the things he has taught me about myself, all the pushing he does, and all the enjoyable times with him are gone. (well the lessons aren’t but I can see me regressing)

I hate making decisions like this. A Lot.

Dogs like Silver have it figured out. She doesn’t rest until we are all gathered together.

This winter I was feeling like my writing in the morning was frivolous. It was a morning ritual that I had developed after reading Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way at Work more than six years ago: sit, drink my coffee, write. Dave had started to get up early and go to the gym every day; this seemed much more productive. I was questioning my writing habit: What was I producing? What was the point? Is this the best use of my time?

I started to skip writing, crawl out of bed, throw on my gym clothes and Canadian Goose Parka and stumble over to the gym. I felt great while I was at the gym and I was gaining confidence in myself for holding my commitment but after a few weeks I began to notice that I was feeling a little “off”. I was sure this was just an excuse to not go to the gym and I ignored it.

When I told this story to my massage therapist Alfie** (I swear he also doubles as my psychotherapist), he paused and asked me: Have you ever heard of the TV show the Dog Whisperer? The host often helps owners recognize that their dogs are misbehaving because they are not fulfilling their purpose. If they are shepherds, they need to shepherd. Maybe writing is like that for you.

I quickly got over being the dog in this analogy because Alfie made a great point. We all have something that we were meant to do that is somehow programmed in. The key is to recognize it and stick to it.

Now I am back to writing every weekday and feeling grounded (and feeling guilty about not going to the gym, but that’s okay). Alfie’s story led me to realize it actually didn’t matter whether my writing produced something concrete, what it was producing was a clear, contented mind. What could be a more important productive outcome?

* I have been watching Parks and Recreation and “literally” keeps popping into my phrasing. I seem to be channelling  ChrisTraeger.

On the way in to work yesterday, I got my weekly fix of “nonsense at work”, a feature of the Richmond NPR station.  The 6/17 one should be posted soon at the link below, but basically, James Macintosh was talking about people in the board room who want to debate endlessly on trivial issues (like what color to paint the lobby).  He went on to say that these same people are the ones that shut up and look to the real leader in the room when the stuff hits the fan (like customer service issues, bad press, IT crashes, etc.).  His point is that they don’t have any genuine expertise in the industry, so they bow to the experts when something real is on the line, but they have to make themselves feel better, or useful, when there are trivial issues that they have an opinion on.  The next time you’re in a meeting where someone is making a 5 minute conversation out of a 5 second decision, understand their motivation.  You can either let them have the color they want, or get them off the team, if they don’t have value. 

 As many of you know, I have a 10 minute screen saver on my PC that buzzes when 10 minutes have hit.  If we’ve spent 10 minutes talking about something fun, but not business critical, and the buzzer goes off, that’s my trigger to steer the conversation to more productive purposes.  

 This is my last comic for a week.  I’m taking my family on vacation.  If you feel the incredible urge to have some leadership Kumbaya for breakfast from someone with my name, then listen to James’s audio blogs at nonsense at work: http://www.nonsenseatwork.com/Radio.htm

 And speaking of the “attack” line in the quote… 

Rubes cartoons used with permission. www.rubescartoons.com

Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. Anais Nin

According to Wikipedia, panic attacks are periods of intense fear or apprehension that are of sudden onset and of variable duration from minutes to hours. It is caused by adrenalin being released into the bloodstream, which causes the heart to pump extra blood. Today is International Panic Day – a day dedicated to putting your feet up, slowing down and enjoying life. In celebration Happiness Weekly is looking at how you can avoid having a panic attack and remain calm, even in the toughest situation.

1. Avoid working yourself up
Many people come to me and say “This is about to happen” and they’re stressing out… If you’re one of these people, my best advice to you is: STOP! Stop the story going on in your mind. Take a deep breath. You don’t know what you don’t know. Accept any consequence for your actions – take responsibility when you’ve made a mistake – no one’s perfect, and usually this will defuse any panic attack that is about to get out of control. Make sure you give yourself a break – don’t bash yourself up, if someone is going to come down on you anyway, you may as well be kind to yourself – no point in two of you getting upset over the same thing – take control and work to fix the problem!

2. Slow down and think
Stop rushing through tasks and trying to get a perfect result. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result. Think about how you can improve things without stretching yourself. If your panic attack is school or work related, considering early deadlines for your work to give you enough time to review it before submitting it. If it’s a person who is putting you on edge, approaching them about the problem may assist – or if it is a situation where you are being bullied and approaching it hasn’t helped, consider removing yourself from the situation. Sometimes health and happiness are more important than financial gain and career ladders.

3. Work on your stress management
Being self-aware and knowing how to stay calm in intense situations can be crucial if you are trying to fend off a panic attack. Knowing how best to manage your stress can help. Go for walks at lunchtime, it will change your atmosphere and can help alter your perspective on a situation if you’re too close to it to make a proper judgement. Meditation, Yoga and Pilates can all assist in combating stress and helping to relax and concentrate on your breathing, or if you’re feeling energetic and want something faster paced, boxing is a great form of exercise and stress relief.

4. Talk it out
Don’t feel alone, many people suffer anxiety and panic attacks, and it’s becoming more well-known each day. Find a trusted friend, or someone you feel you can confide in confidentially at work and talk to them about your situation. Sometimes gathering ideas and suggestions from others can help bring new perspective and also inspire us to embrace a positive change. As soon as the situation changes, your panic should ease, so try not to sit with it for too long. If you are struggling to move past it, please book an appointment with your doctor and get a referral to a good psychologist. Support groups also exist, which is good if you’re feeling isolated and you’re looking for people you can relate to.

5. Avoid drugs and alcohol
Sometimes when we panic our first reaction is to kill the pain. Drugs and alcohol will only make it worse. Did you know 30% of people who suffer panic attacks also suffer from alcoholism? Instead of reaching for a quick fix, spend some time on considering healthier options that work for you and start focusing on the things you can control!

Still need help? www.beyondblue.com.au

I personally cannot stand it. I support the notion of being a vegetarian, and I see where their beliefs come from, even though I am not a vegetarian myself. However I do not see a need to advertise it in everyone’s faces, or worse, try to shove their beliefs down everyone’s throats. It does not need to come up in every conversation. I don’t go around in everything saying, “well I eat meat so….” because it is my choice. Being a vegetarian is a choice you make for yourself, just like dyeing your hair or buying a new video game, or choosing to play a sport or take a class. It is a choice that people are free to make, however they do not need to advertise it constantly and try to tell others that they are better than them because of this lifestyle choice. If I started telling vegetarians reasons why they should eat meat, and why my decision is better than theirs, I can imagine a lot of people would be quite offended, so I do not understand how it seems to be acceptable the other way around.

I have nothing against vegetarianism at all. I know it does have health benefits and I am very pro-choice. However, I am not supportive of others constantly advertising their beliefs as if it makes them superior to others and telling others why they should follow their beliefs too.

Since the early medievan English times, love has been defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. Is that really what love is? I’ve always thought otherwise: to me love is an action.

Instead of saying “I love you”, we should express our love for someone from our actions.
Imagine with me that there’s a girl that you’ve fallen for and she’s very much in love with you too. The common consensus would be to get together right? What if she tells you that she isn’t ready to be in a relationship? Would you probe further and push to get together? Or would you decide to respect her decision? If that’s the case, would you walk away or would you wait indefinitely for her?

I find myself wallowing in the latter. I have recently fallen for a girl that I’m hopelessly in love with, and have decided to wait indefinitely for her. Things hasn’t been easy because she wants us to treat each other as friends and I find that very fatiguing. Hopefully, things would hold out till the end.

Is there anyone else out there that’s going through the same thing?

It’s sad to think that your popularity is wavering based on a statistical decrease of your so-called friends on Facebook. But alas, recently, several of my ‘friends’ have gone through ritual purges of their friend following and it seems that I have not made the cut on a few. Some of them are understandable- acquaintances that I have seen maybe once or twice in real life, friends of ex-boyfriends, friends I never interact with, etc. And truth be told, I don’t blame them. The most activity my Facebook generates is the occasional Wall post to those I already talk to and the obnoxious Newsfeed spamware I contribute whenever there are photo vomits of the same vain pictures over and over again uploaded from different cameras. Hardly titillating. I’m not even a good enough Facebooker to write the obligatory “happy birthday” once a year. And so, my friend count drops.

It doesn’t really bother me and it’s not like Facebook notifies you of such depressing matters, so I usually go along oblivious to such things. Until someone significant defriends me. I wonder, why? What did I do? What did I not do? And then I mourn over the lost access I had previously taken for granted. It’s strange, I never took much weight into my number, but it saddens me to see that even a pretense of a friendship through a virtual device such as Facebook cannot be maintained or sustained. A Facebook friendship, which I have always considered the lowest, basest form of forged relationships, cannot be upheld. It’s just so final. When one gets defriended, that’s the end. It means that the defriender wants nothing to do with you and sees no point in holding even the veneer of a relation that could at least substantiate a courtesy call years later when favors for networking are called in.  I have enough pride not to re-request friends that have gone rogue, or chase down deserters and ask them what I could have possibly done to result in such an abrupt termination of our association. So, that’s it. All communication simply cut off. All connections severed. And all opportunities to make amends forfeit. And so, bridges remained burned, questions are left unanswered, and open-endings will forever lay without conclusions or closure.

There was also the massive haul of ass in cleaning my room, as well as working on my month’s worth of laundry to wash since I was on vacation for a good month. We can check that off the list of what I need to get done at home. Haha. 

Anyway, tonight, my Mom gave me a call saying one of her co-workers needed a babysitter for her child, which I am moooore than happy to take up that offer. So I get to meet the precious baby later this week. I’m pretty excited, but this also turns into a dilemma: do I take the job position at this store if they do call back? or do I just stick with babysitting at a part-time pace? It’s definitely a tough choice because how long is this babysitting job going to last? Will I be able to babysit while going to school? 

Decisions, decisions. 

I know God will guide me in the right direction where He wants me to be. I trust Him. 

This needs to change.

I love guys who don’t give me the attention I deserve. I love being a 2am booty call. I love not being a priority.

But wait I don’t actually enjoy any of that, I just love getting myself in the same situations.

The same situations that make me feel shitty about myself.

This has gotta end.

The cold season is upon us. For those of us in the tropics anything below 20 degrees Celsius is very cold. The cold does not work for me at all! It makes me want to either hibernate or relocate. It takes a herculean effort for me to get things done during the cold weather. I sometimes wear bright colours to rise above the grey dreariness of the cold season, but I would choose the sun hands down. I love sunny days, blue skies, bright colours … and the current lack of it got me thinking. There are a number of lessons in this season for you and I Kimwaki:

Much as I might dislike the cold weather there are those, like your father, who thrive in it. The cold weather charges them up and they are able to work for hours on end. I don’t understand it and I secretly think such people are a little crazy because all I want to do in the cold weather is huddle under the covers. They have their preference to cold weather, and I have my opinion about their preference and the weather. Kimwaki, people will have their preferences and opinions and you will have yours. Neither is right or wrong, they are just opinions and preferences. You don’t have to accept or like the opinions and preferences of others, same way they have not obligation to like or accept yours, but … but, you must respect them.

For me, the cold weather has to be endured and suffered through. It gets even worse for me if it rains and I have to move around. Clothes don’t dry, the world is grey, the sun can barely be seen or felt, my feet are likely to get wet. The thing is, the cold weather is a season that will soon pass and the sun will be with us again and I will be able to go around in my sandals and sleeveless tops and pack away the heavy sweaters and scarves. Life is full of seasons Kimwaki; the cold will come and go, the sun will come and go, the good times will come and go, and so will the bad times. Nothing lasts forever, it may seem like it is taking forever to get through it, put that is just a perception.

The dull gloom of the cold weather wrecks havoc on my normally pleasant demeanour. The endless monotony of cold grey days can be a drag and I have to consciously stay positive and look on the bright side of life. No matter how bad things get around you Kimwaki, it is possible to stay positive. It does not mean that you are in denial or that you have refused to see the negativity around you. It means that you have seen it, but have chosen to not be drawn into it, to rise above it. People may think that you are crazy, ignore them and do your thing.

Kimwaki, your approach to life is what will either make it very difficult or relatively painless. The truth is, life is hard. There are good times and bad times. There will be circumstances that will knock you right in the chest and send you to the ground breathless and you will have to catch your breath and get back on your feet again or stay down. Always choose to get up. Sometimes you will get up quickly, but other times it will take you a little longer.

Take time to understand yourself, the people around you, and the seasons of your life. It will make navigating through this thing called life a whole lot easier.

True? What do you think?

As I browse some of my old photos I saw this one. This was taken, I think last year father’s day celebration. Me and my sister aren’t living with my father or my mother. We just live in our rented home both of us. My parents are not in good terms for now, but still I am not losing hope that time will come that they will be fine sooner in God’s time. Just keep praying though because I know God is listening. So you too if you have troubles that seems so impossible to solve in our strength. All we need to do is to get down into our knees hold your hand together and pray. He may not answer it so soon but still the important thing is He will really answer. I know that for sure. God’s timing is always been perfect. Never be dismayed if things doesn’t go your way. He may have better plans than yours.

My father is someone that is isn’t extraordinary. As I grew older there are things I realized and understand that I haven’t before. Life is something we need to learn living. My father have made wrong decisions and mistakes before that we suffer right now. But still he is my father. God have not mistaken to give me a father like him. God may have a reason behind all this things. Whatever it is I trust Him.

We must not blame our parents no matter what has been going on in our life. You may never have experienced to have your father and mother living together or getting along together but still respect them. Because even though they have experienced such hardships they still manage to let you grew up and experienced life. They have taken the risk to nourish you and raise you. We may see them at their worst but it’s fine. They are still humans like we are and we have our limitations. It’s not easy to be in their shoes. They have their issues too. We may feel anger and hate towards them sometimes but still learn to understand them because even though they’re decisions may seem selfish still they are thinking about us too. It’s just that they have their own needs too. They suffered from heartaches too and maybe will understand them more if we have our own children to take care in the future. Their lives that they have lived will be a great example and lesson for us not to take the road that they have taken and be extra careful not to make the same mistakes as they did.

Have a Nice day! Choose to be happy and be positive. Focus your eyes on the brighter side and you’ll be joyful. Do not let troubles stop you from doing better things.