CREMA Business Cards

Don’t you wish job titles were more straightforward? Or at least descriptive of what you actually do? Back in my ad days I had the obscure title of Media Planner and Buyer. It only made sense to people in the ad industry and I always had to explain myself to my friends. My mom never quite understood what I did. A more apt title for that job would have been: Spender of the Big Bucks.

Now I make desserts for a living. And because the people I work with are cool like that, we got to choose our job titles for these new business cards that also cleverly showcase my work. MAKER OF ALL THINGS SWEET. That about sums it up, don’t you think?

I stumbled upon an old paper from middle school. It’s a description of my room, and I thought I’d share. Sounds a bit grown up for middle school. What do you think?

 ***

Four plain walls are cleverly disguised with light-natural, but vivid colors in my room, my sanctuary. It is my favorite place in my entire house, because it is my very own living space.

It has many exotic animal prints, from mysterious snakes to speedy leopards to remind me of home. My room also has statues and paintings to help me realize my faith and the existence of a higher power. Plus, it’s a fun place, where lots of different music is heard: calm, heavenly sounds on rainy days and loud active drums on boring summer afternoons. then there’s the fresh aroma of a variety of dazzling flowers, looking quite fitting for their spot near the window. And of course, there are the many pictures I have of my beloved family covering my wall above my desk, where I can almost feel like I’ve fallen into those blissful days of my treasured past.

My room is my favorite place in the whole world, because it expresses the different sides of me, and yet everything matches. It gives me a positive uplifting consciousness when I’m having a bad day. It’s the place where I’m most creative and it’s a place where I can escape from daily stress and feel a sense of satisfaction and tranquility.

Defamiliarization

Imagine finding yourself being naked in the middle of the atlantic ocean. The water is not cold, the waves are calm. The feeling of truly being nothing but a completely free, entirely insignificant animal. Rid of any meaning, character, function, responsibility of symbolic. Maybe not even need to breathe. Being alone, in the ocean, with nothing around, over or under you being particular. Water and sky. No significant sound other than the slight wet splashes of the water and your own breath.

This is what I dreamt last night. I have rarely in my life experienced such an intense impression of freedom.

Once, at the Secret Lake with Heather, while she was playing in the river downstream, I took off all my clothes, stood on the rock and started walking around in the forest. I felt like every other thing alive – no clothes, only pure animality. I felt no different than the beaver or the birds around me. No real use of language, no real humanity, simply receiving and emitting presence.

Sometimes I wish I could have a whole forest to myself – no speaking, no clothes, nothing. Just evolving back (not regress) into the animalistic form of being.

I hope I can dream something similar soon.

I have always been a firm believer

in photographic experiments. Only

by attempting everything personally

can a photographer begin to

understand the scope of

photography..… No picture, verbal

description or how-to-do-it

article can supersede first-hand

experience.

Waclaw Nowak

Polish Photographer

One thing that most writers (adventure or otherwise) find challenging about setting is understanding how it gives the story context

Overlooking the setting

Too many GMs spend a lot of time on plot and ensure they have great characters and expect to produce a fantastic adventure.  Setting is the most often overlooked aspect of adventure writing that is relatively easily teachable.

Certain parts of writing are difficult to impart – style and pace are the two that immediately spring to mind – but like plotting or creating believable characters, crafting great settings is something that can be learned.

Having said all of that, good setting does not mean a good adventure but it’s fair to say that bad setting can equal a bad adventure.

Stories in a vacuum

The adventure doesn’t just need things to happen – it needs somewhere for them to happen. Setting doesn’t just give the players a place to see things unfold, great setting adds to the experience.

It creates the mood and can draw the player into the story in a way that no other facet can.

Setting isn’t world building, but it’s a small step towards creating a believable world in which your characters and plot live.

Setting is not, however, just the broad brush-strokes of the world – it’s not just the background.

The link to great characters

We are all influenced by where we grew up, where we went to school, where we live.

The creation of accurate settings reflects who your characters are, where they came from and sometimes even where they are going.

Your characters may be a reflection of their environment. Or the setting may give the players an insight as to why their characters are developing the way they are.

Do your characters conform to their setting, or are they rebelling?

What are the aspects of setting?

Do you need to include scenery?

Scenery is a challenge for the fledgling adventure writer. Too much scenery and the players will feel like they’ve stumbled into a book of photographs.

Very pretty but it doesn’t go anywhere.

Yet too little and there is no context for the story.

Scenery has its place. If the scene opens with a man bursting into the room with a gun, the players don’t want ten minutes of the GM describing how beautiful the room is – they want to know what’s going to happen.

As a GM, you have to know the appropriate point to describe the scene.

You either have to delay the entrance with the pistol, or find another way of working it in.

Each scene deserves at least a few words of setting – even if it’s a familiar place. You can always reveal details bit by bit if it’s a setting frequented often.  Players probably won’t take in all of the details in one sitting anyway.

Because that’s exactly how it works in real life. You typically notice the big things first and then upon revisiting, you start to notice more and more of the details.

Eventually you would notice if something was moved or missing.

A good rule (to be stretched and bent as you see fit) is to give the description as early in the scene as possible, without it getting in the way of the story or encounter.

The second suggestion is to invest more time on scenery the first time you visit – and the more important the setting is throughout the adventure.

Place as a character

Sometimes the scenery or setting plays as big a part in the adventure as any character. In a whodunit, the murder scene is often integral to the plot.

On these occasions, as much effort should be lavished on the creation of the setting as that important NPC.

And like characterisation, you may not use all of the detail – but you had better be prepared. Hogwarts in the Harry Potter novels is a prime example.  So if you have a dungeon, what was it before it was a dungeon.  People just don’t build them.  They are typically functional building that fall into disrepair and then they become dungeons over many, many years.  The dungeon should have a flavour that reflects its original (or most recent) use. 

If you only reveal the salient points in a mystery story, you have telegraphed the plot to the player. Similarly, if you over elaborate, the player will lose interest.

Sometimes the place has an importance because of its effect on the characters – and on these occasions, it merits a greater description.

It’s a classic show and tell scenario.

You can tell the player about the character or you can show the interaction with the setting – which is always far more effective.

Your own backyard

There is a real tendency for adventure writers to fall into two opposite traps when describing a place that is familiar to them – either from real life or a fantasy setting they’ve used over and over again.

The first option is to explain every detail. Often the GM is proud of what they know or remember and they want to share this in every minute detail.

The second mistake is to assume that every player knows about New York, the Manhattan skyline or the Statue of Liberty – and so no description is given.  Or for that matter the Jedi academy on Coruscant.

In the first scenario, the player will think they’ve stumbled upon a game about writing a guidebook, not an adventure.

In the second, anyone who hasn’t visited these places (or watched the film) will feel left out.

It’s like a recipe book without a picture of what the end product is supposed to look like – you feel cheated in some way.

Include the detail that sets the scene and is relevant. Add nothing more but don’t scrimp on the ingredients either.

Change of scene

The greater the alteration of scene, the more important the description becomes – and the earlier the GM needs to reflect the change.

As an adventure writer, you know when you change scene where the action is taking place – it’s your story. But do the players?

To use a literary example, too many books transfer the action from a quiet room in the centre of Chicago to the wastes of Alaska and don’t let the player know until the second page of writing. As a reader this is most disconcerting (and the example I use is from a real novel).

If your characters experience a change of setting, you need to describe that change – even if it means holding up the plot for a minute or two.

Players that teleport, travel to another plane, enter a dark cave or simply visit a village with differing customs – they all need to be aware of what’s changed.  It sets them mentally to be prepared for other changes e.g. the NPCs may react differently to them.

Literary agent Janet Reid has posted a paragraph on her blog that she seems to think is illustrative of good descriptive writing. She’s moderating her comments, so while there are currently 10 comments from people who agree that this is a “perfect” and “beautiful” descriptive paragraph, my dissenting comment has failed to be displayed. And the fact is, I think this paragraph is a stinker.

So I’d like to have an un-moderated discussion of this paragraph.

Here is the paragraph in question:

In that first class, she wore the pearls and a tab collar peeped over her sweater, but she looked as if she would punch you if you didn’t behave. She walked with a cowgirl’s stride into the classroom, and from her bag withdrew her legal pad covered in notes, a thermos of coffee and a bag of Brach’s singly wrapped caramels, and then sat down. She undid the top of the thermos with a swift twist, poured a cup of coffee into the cup that was also the thermos top, and sipped at it as she gave us a big smile and looked around the room.

Hi, she said, sort of through the smile.

by Alexander Chee
Writing Life and Annie Dillard
Morning News October 16, 2009

And here’s what I think is wrong with it:

• “she looked as if she would punch you” — Isn’t this Telling instead of Showing? What does this really convey? She had a mean face, or she had a mean expression, or something about her body language? It’s too vague.
• “She walked with a cowgirl’s stride” — I have no idea how cowgirls walk, let alone stride, but the image this conjured in my mind was of a woman in a wide, bowlegged stance. And I can’t help think that’s not what the author intended.
• “from her bag withdrew her legal pad” — Dr Seuss might be proud of this phrase, but it’s too awkward and forced. I can’t believe the best verb for this action is withdrew.
• “…and then sat down.” — She takes three objects out of her bag while walking, sits, and starts pouring coffee. Why is there no desk in this paragraph? Does she not sit behind the desk? Or put her objects on the desk? Because I think the reader has to insert a desk to make this sequence physically believable.
• “She undid the top of the thermos with a swift twist” — That’s eleven words to say “She opened her thermos.” The word undid seems inappropriate; it should be unscrewed or spun. And the phrase swift twist (in addition to being difficult to say) feels like the writer is using too many words to make something unimportant seem dynamic. Which it isn’t.
• “sipped at it as she gave us a big smile” — I can’t picture this at all. Don’t people pucker their lips when they “sip”? In fact, have you ever seen someone smile while drinking? Wouldn’t the drink just dribble out the corners of your mouth?
• “Hi, she said, sort of through the smile” — It’s the word through that I don’t understand. It reads like a ventriloquist’s trick. Why use those last five words at all? It’s needlessly awkward.

Also, the main paragraph is three run-on sentences in a row, full of commas and ands. It reads like a first draft to me, before the writer came back to tighten things up and make the intent clear.

So those are my thoughts. I don’t get any clear imagery from this paragraph, nor do I get a clear feeling of the character. It seems overwritten, overly narrative. I think the author is getting in the way between the reader and the story.

What do you think?

ModelNo: NP-N120-KA02US
UPC Code 36725730465
Shipping Dimension 11.9²(W) x 9.61²(H) x 5.04²(D)
Ship Weight 5.1 lbs
Platform: N120 series Mini Notebook
Model Name: N120-12GW
Description: Samsung 10.1² Mini Notebook (White)
Screen Size: 10.1² SuperBright
Display Resolution: 1024 x 600 WSVGA
Processor: Intel Atom processor N270
Processor Speed: 1.6 GHz
Hard Drive Size: 160GB, 2.5² HDD, 5400RPM SATA
Memory Size: 1GB DDR2
I/O Ports: 3-USB 2.0, VGA, Headphone out, Mic-in,
Internal Mic, RJ45, 3-in-1 Multi-memory Card
Slot (SD, SDHC, MMC)
Graphics: Intel 945GSE shared
Optical Disk Drive: N/A (External – Optional)
Connectivity: 802.11 b/g WiFi, Bluetooth 2.0 + EDR,
10/100 BaseTX LAN
Battery: 6-Cell Lithium Ion
Operating System: Genuine Microsoft XP Home with Service
Pack 3
Software: Samsung Recovery Solution III, Samsung
Magic Doctor, Samsung Update Plus Easy
Display Manager, Samsung Easy Battery
Manager, Samsung Easy Network Manager,
Samsung Easy SpeedUp Manager, McAfee
Virus Scan (60-day trial), Adobe Acrobat
Reader
Security: Kensington Key Lock
Other: 1.3 Mega Pixel webcam, Large touch pad
Dimensions: 10.3²(W) x 7.3²(H) x 1.19²(D)
Weight: 2.8 lbs
Warranty: 1 year standard parts and labor

Don’t worry, if you have SDTs, the only doctor you’ll have to see is a book doctor. But you should get to one–and fast! How will you know if your manuscript has a severe case of SDTs? You’ll find red scribbles up and down the margins of the pages of your book proposal that just returned from an editor. The scribbles will announce in large letters: SDT!

What do we know about SDTs? We know they affect nearly 99% of all writers at some point in their career. We also know that they are one of the most common causes for new writers to get their work rejected. But, the good news is that they are easy to cure.

SDTs are none other than the pesky Show Don’t Tells. They can be sneaky in finding their way into a manuscript, and they can be relentless in slowing down your story. Here’s how they work.

Instead of showing action, feeling, or dialogue, you tell about it. This causes a major ho-hum moment for your reader. Consider the following  two sentences:

1. Mike was so mad after just learning he had been fired that he yelled at his boss and stormed from the office.

2. “How dare you fire me?” yelled Mike to his boss,  slamming the office door on his way out.

In sentence #1, we are told how Mike feels and what he did based on how he feels. In sentence #2, we are shown how he feels and what he did about it.

Sentence #2 contains all the same information, but it moves quicker and helps the reader better visualize what is happening–the reader becomes more a part of the action.

To cure your manuscript of unwanted SDTs, look for moments in your story that can be shown with action instead of told with mere description. Use specific, active verbs to show the reader exactly what is happening. “Slammed” the door instead of “closed”; “skipped” through the park instead of “walked”; “picked at her food”  instead of “ate.” You get the idea. One strong, specific verb can say what might otherwise take you several words of description to get across.

This week…rid your work of SDTs…before it’s too late!

I know you must think I’m stuck on Stephen King. I’m really not. Actually, I’ve read little of his giant oeuvre. Most is too scary, some is too junky, plus there are so many other authors and books and stories and poems and plays and essays . . .  But, for illustrative purposes, he works well as an exemplar of master story-telling. The following is from Janet Maslin’s NY Times review of Under the Dome:

Consider the book’s step-by-step way of defining the Dome. Mr. King isn’t about to do the easy thing, which would be to give a straightforward description of what it is and how it works. Instead he offers a textbook demonstration of how to make action and explication one and the same. First step: A woodchuck on the ground and a pilot in the air named Chuck are sudden victims of the Dome’s guillotinelike slicing descent.

Second step: The book’s hero to be, a short-order cook and Iraq war veteran named Dale Barbara, looks upward. He sees the front of Chuck’s plane fall off and the back get crushed by the invisible barrier that, we now know, reaches sky high. Big sigh of relief here: Dome calamities, while definitely deadly, will not be (by Mr. King’s high standards in this area) described gruesomely at all.

Third step: Barbara, a k a Barbie, waves frantically to a stranger for help. The stranger walks right toward him — and smashes into an invisible wall. So the Dome’s extent is making itself known. Then Mr. King defines the perimeter by ticking off the various roads that lead to Chester’s Mill. “And shortly before noon on Dome Day,” he writes, now attaching a name to this calamity, “every one of them snapped closed.”

King needs to describe the dome that settles over the town. Think how less interesting it would be if he’d simply allocated a paragraph or two to a physical rendering of the thing. What he does instead is make the description active: It’s part of the plot, part of the characterization (Barbie), part of the movement of the story, part, even, of our introduction to the setting of Chester’s Mill. By the time King is done — even in our scant reading of what amounts to a precis — we are involved. We’re living the event with the characters and we’re hooked.

As Emily Dickinson wrote: “Tell all the truth but tell it slant . . .”

Emotion is an essential element in good fiction. If I as a reader can’t get inside the POV character’s emotions, feel what they feel about the setting, for example, to go in and be that character at that moment in time, then there is no way I can connect with them. If the emotion of the character is missing, so is the character missing. If I can’t tell what a character feels, then the character isn’t there for me.

Writing through an emotional filter can be the most difficult part of a character to capture in words. It reminds me of my life before Lasik surgery. My vision had been 20/1000 for many years. The day the doctor finished my eye surgery and I sat up, I saw the doorknob on a door across the room—I mean, I SAW it! That is when a doorknob is more than a doorknob.

When a writer doesn’t use what author Nancy Conner calls the emotional filter, it’s like the character isn’t there.

Conner says when we apply an emotional filter rather than writing neutral descriptions of a setting, location, or character, for example, the author colors the description according to the character’s state of mind.

The emotional filter is a way to show how a character feels, thinks, judges, and interprets anything. For example, if I look out my window, I might observe, “Snow covered the ground.” That doesn’t say anything about my state of mind. But if I write, “Snow nestled around the trees and fence posts,” you get an idea of how I feel about the snow. If I said, “The snow imprisoned me inside the house,” you get a different sense of how I feel about the snow even though I didn’t say how I felt about it.

If your character doesn’t feel strongly enough about what she sees, hears, tastes, touches or smells to give some type of emotional reaction to it, the reader won’t either. This applies to everything in the story, whether it be action, dialogue, description or other characters.

Your story will have great impact on readers if you help them interpret it emotionally.

Hi GUys !  Pa kabar ? ^_^

Beberapa waktu yang lalu, ada permintaan dari client-client adit mengenai lagu-lagu yang pas untuk prosesi masuk, tapi ga itu ituuuu ajaaa .. Agak bingung juga sihh, soalnya .. lagu untuk prosesi masuk itu ga bisa sembarangan.. ada kriteria-kriteria tertentu seperti misalnya :

1. harus LOVE song !  Wajib banget ! Ga boleh yang tema nya grey .. harus LOVE SONG , atau mungkin lebih tepatnya couples love song ..
2. Harus love song yang ‘KLIMAKS‘ ! alasannya, karena prosesi masuk itu salah satu moment terpenting dalam seluruh rangkaian weddingnya kamu. Kalau kamu menggunakan adat, mungkin agak sedikit berbeda. Di sini , adit sedang membahas untuk kamu kamu yang menggunakan international style. Hmm.. kalu lagu yang kamu gunakan hanya lagu cinta tapi tidak klimaks, pasti nanti berasa basi .. Gak nge-GONG gitu .. ^_^
3. MEsti lagu yang tidak terlalu panjang, tidak terlalu pendek .. atau at least bisa disesuaikan dengan panjang red-carpet kamu nantinya..Kalau lagu nya tipikal yang nanggung, nanti susah.. gilirannya kamu masuk ternyata lagunya belum klimaks, atau kamu belum memasuki ruang resepsi , uda klimaks duluan .. hmmm .. bisa gondok urusannya nanti… tul ?
4. Bukan lagu yang RnB, atau Jazzy banget, karena lagu jazzy rata-rata jarang ada yang berupa lagu yang memiliki klimaks..
5. Tidak terlalu pasaran, tapi juga ga terlalu banyak yang pake untuk wedding , tul ? karena uda ga berasa momentnya aja gitu, kalo keseringan dipake di wedding..

so .. apa dunk lagu-lagu yang cocok ama kriteria di atas ?? Bingung kan ? sama .. adit juga bingung .. hmmm.. tapi akhirnya adit dapet sih beberapa lagu, ada yang oldie, tapi ga terlalu oldie juga .. ada yang lumayan banyak orang tau .. tapi yang pasti bukan “from this moment” atau ” I  finally Found Someone ” yang uda laris manis dari jaman adit sma ampe skarang . ^_^

Berikut adalah lagu-lagu yang menurut adit lumayan asik, kata-katanya indah, puitis tapi ga lebai, ga terlalu pasaran , dan mungkin kamu suka. ^_^ Kamu bisa download di 4shared.com kalau kamu mau .. Please check it out :

1. Now That I Found You  – Michael Bolton
2. First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
3. For Everything I Am – Christian Bautista
4. For The First Time
5. Katakan Kau Milikku – Duets. Glenn Freddly n Rio Febrian
6. Tak Ada Yang Bisa
7. The Color of My Love – Celine Dion
8. Whenever You Call – Mariah Carey ft. Brian McKnight
9. Menikahimu – Kahitna

hmm.. lagu Whenever You Call bener-bener jadi lagu PeEr yang susah banget .. hehe bisa nangis-nangis latihannya .. secara, penyanyi aslinya Mariah Carey n Brian McKnight .. tapi .. ini bisa jadi lagu pengganti I Finally Found Someone yang uda mulai terlalu sering dinyanyikan di wedding.

Lagu kahitna memang bukan tipikal lagu yang nendang banget .. tapi Yovie memang punya sentuhan khas yang ga bisa digantiin ama siapapunn ! Yang jadi pemanis dari lagu ini adalah memang judulnya yang Wedding banget ghetoohh ^_^ .. so, happy hunting guys !

joshua aditya

I can’t quite figure out a name for him just yet, but I’ve thought up of: Levi, Robert, Damon, Minot, Sylph, Wight, Gauss, Ohm, and Reed. It’d be nice to give him a name that is musical leaning and/or peace loving.

• Well here’s the premise (I’ll post it here so other people can get the gist of what I’m getting at.): Based in Seattle, we have a college student who has a interesting power.
• His power is that he can manifest weapons/armor/abilities based on the next song in a shuffled playlist. (the playlist is not in his control as the songs that play may or may not be on his iPod)
• Being a good guy, he uses his powers to do good while under the cover of night.
• When not kicking bad guy butt, he goes to class like the rest of us. I haven’t decided on a major, but probably something with Audio Production as it is close to his power.
• I’m thinking his ‘look’ would be blue jeans, belt, witty t-shirt, and perhaps a snug sweatshirt. He’s got longish dark hair, but no longer than shoulder length.

love
truth
vulnerability
forgiveness
understanding
tolerance
empathy
passion
belief
growth
never ending

A sa droite, le voyageur embrasse d’un regard toutes les sinuosités de la Cise, qui se roule, comme un serpent argenté, dans l’herbe des prairies auxquelles les premières pousses du printemps donnaient alors les couleurs de l’émeraude. [...] Le voyageur aperçoit devant lui [...] une chaîne de rochers qui, par une fantaisie de la nature, paraît avoir été posée pour encaisser le fleuve dont les flots minent incessamment la pierre, spectacle qui fait toujours l’étonnement du voyageur.

La Femme de trente ans (commencé vers 1830)

Ce chemin, qui débouche sur la route de Chinon, bien au delà de Ballan, longe une plaine ondulée sans accidents remarquables, jusqu’au petit pays d’Artanne. Là se découvre une vallée qui commence à Montbazon, finit à la Loire, et semble bondir sous les châteaux posés sur ces doubles collines ; une magnifique coupe d’émeraude au fond de laquelle l’Indre se roule par des mouvements de serpent. A cet aspect, je fus saisi d’un étonnement voluptueux que l’ennui des landes ou la fatigue du chemin avait préparé.

Le Lys dans la vallée (1836)

Balzac est un des plus grands écrivains français, c’est un fait. Mais cela n’empêche pas qu’on retrouve certaines faiblesses dans cette œuvre complexe qu’est La Comédie humaine. Balzac est parfois dépassé par sa création, se trompant dans le retour de certains personnages ou collant sous un même titre plusieurs textes assez différents qui ne forment au final qu’un ensemble assez hétéroclite et peu gracieux (cette fameuse Femme de trente ans regroupe par exemple 6 nouvelles lissées). Aussi, Balzac n’hésite pas à se plagier comme dans les extraits présentés ci-avant. Certes les deux passages se passent en Touraine, donc on pourra dire que c’est une caractéristique des paysages de par ici, mais tout de même il y a beaucoup de ressemblances, les rivières  se roulent comme des serpents, dans un environnement couleur d’émeraude, et les 2 fois le voyageur subit l’étonnement…

Writing is complicated and requires the author to balance many elements to acheive the perfect combination. When found, the result is a winning manuscript.

Key elements of this balance are Dialogue and Description. Too much dialogue and the reader quickly tires. Too much description and the story slows to a dreadful pace.

I have a confession to make. I love descriptive writing. This requires me make sure I include enough dialogue to keep an active pace and have the reader relate to the MC on a personal level.  It’s been a difficult balance to achieve. However, I find that I am not alone. 

In an effort to keep the story moving, authors attempt to keep the reader engaged by using dialogue to propel the story. However, there seems to be a lack of descriptive language to appropriately set the scene in a way that places the reader with the characters in the action.

Laura College wrote in her article Creative Writing: The Art of Description:

“The problem is that most novice writers focus more on the action than on the description.”

 [READ FULL ARTICLE]

The five senses are a powerful tool to engage the reader. The clearer the reader’s mind can visualize the scene, the more the story comes to life.

When reading a novel there needs to be an ebb and flow. The action needs to rise, but also slow down and give the mind time to absorb what’s been read. This is where the effective use of description comes in.

By adding description to slow the action you allow the reader to take a breath and become more involved by experiencing the sights, sounds, smells, textures, and taste of the characters surroundings.

Finding the correct balance is important to me as a writer and I am more cautious to make sure I am achieving the appropriate balance.

Jennifer Jensen  has given a simple solution to check the balance of description and dialogue in your writing and I often use this formula. If you’re interested in learning her method read  Description, Dialogue, Narrative Finding a Balance as You Write Your Story

http://writingfiction.suite101.com/article.cfm/description_dialogue_narrative#ixzz0WSu1ABnN

What do you think about using description in your writing?

Have you found other methods more useful to moderate the pace of your stories?

P.L.S.: Points, Lignes, Surfaces. Il y a les objets géographiques ; il y a les rues qui en fonction de l’échelle d’observation/représentation passent du point à la ligne puis à la surface. Voilà en quelques lignes (mais il y en a 2 fois plus derrière) de Balzac une typologie des rues parisiennes.

Il est dans Paris certaines rues déshonorées autant que peut l’être un homme coupable d’infamie; puis il existe des rues nobles, puis des rues simplement honnêtes, puis de jeunes rues sur la moralité desquelles le public ne s’est pas encore formé d’opinion; puis des rues assassines, des rues plus vieilles que de vieilles douairières ne sont vieilles, des rues estimables, des rues toujours propres, des rues toujours sales, des rues ouvrières, travailleuses, mercantiles. Enfin, les rues de Paris ont des qualités humaines, et nous impriment par leur physionomie certaines idées contre lesquelles nous sommes sans défense. Il y a des rucs de mauvaise compagnie où vous ne voudriez pas demeurer, et des rues où vous placeriez volontiers votre séjour. Quelques rues, ainsi que la rue Montmartre, ont une belle tête et finissent en queue de poisson. La rue de la Paix est une large rue, une grande rue; mais elle ne réveille aucune des pensées gracieusement nobles qui surprennent une ame impressible au milieu de la rue Royale, et elle manque certainement de la majesté qui règne dans la place Vendôme. Si vous vous promenez dans les rues de l’île Saint-Louis, ne demandez raison de la tristesse nerveuse qui s’empare de vous qu’à la solitude, à l’air morne des maisons et des grands hôtels déserts. Cette île, le cadavre des fermiers généraux, est comme la Venise de Paris. La place de la Bourse est babillarde, active, prostituée; elle n’est belle que par un clair de lune, à deux heures du matin: le jour, c’est un abrégé de Paris; pendant la nuit, c’est comme une rêverie de la Grèce.

Honoré DE BALZAC dans Ferragus

“I know what you’re thinking,” shot Max at Deirdre. “You’re always thinking the same damn thing. You’re thinking that I shouldn’t go. You’re thinking that I’m being stupid. Just say it already!”

Deirdre looked coolly back at Max’s angry expression. She could have scratched her face off, for plainly showing her thoughts and emotions as it so clearly was. It was too late to fix the expression that had jumped unwillingly to it when Max had told her he was going out. She settled for pretending innocence instead.

“I’m not thinking a blessed thing, boy.”

“The hell you’re not,” Max spat back.

“Well, I’ve got nothing to say to you when you’re in such a foul mood,” Deirdre didn’t give up her act, but gave Max a bland look before turning her back to him. He knew everything she could say to deter him already. It was true that she thought him a fool for going, yet again, and there was no point in having another argument on the subject. Max would do what he wanted, and that was that.

A few minutes passed. Deirdre sat at her vanity, staring blindly at her own reflection. Finally, she heard the sound that she’d been expecting. The front door slammed with a force to shake the very panes of glass in it. She shut her eyes tightly for a moment, screwing her face up in pain.

Max waited outside the front door, wondering if this time Deirdre would come after him. But no, the minutes passed and still there was no sound of footsteps inside the large, boring suburban box of a house. He sighed and ran a hand over his face. Taking his car keys out of his pocket, he strode off down to the curb and unlocked, with an unobtrusive beep, the luxurious car parked in front of the closed garage door. He climbed into the front seat, put the key in the ignition, and turned it.

The effect was immediate. His seat bent down all the way back, several contraptions started moving around and making metallic noises, and the car began to pull out of the driveway and zoom down the street on its own.

When Max’s seat came back up, he was dressed in a black, skintight outfit, with a white mask covering his entire face except for a slit for his eyes.

Off to save… someone, Max thought, tiredly. Damn it.

He thought of Deirdre, her shimmering blonde hair running down her back in dripping strands as she took yet another hot shower. She always took showers when he went out on jobs. She seemed to like the sensation of heat when she was upset. Max took cold showers when he was upset. It was one of the many ways in which they differed. Another, rather crucial, point of difference, was that Deirdre wasn’t a superhero. Max was. He was really very tired of it.

I don’t generally love my works in progress. By the time I begin actually writing a new book, all the romance has gone out of the thing.

The romance is in the imagination, the creation, the invention, the pure theory of writing. The joy is in dreaming up all manners of delightful nonsense: building characters and plots and settings. And then discovering all the happy accidents where your characters and plots and settings just fall into place in more ways than you originally planned, all to make your story just that much more brilliant.

But then you have to actually write the thing, and that’s where all the fun just evaporates and the work begins.

However, this new one MERIDIAN is different. You know how I know? Because I’m writing descriptions, and liking it.

Anyone who has reviewed one of my drafts will tell you that I write the best dialog ever in the history of the written word, and that my action sequences are so well-paced and dynamic that readers often come away believing they have just watched a previously unknown Die Hard film.*

But my great weakness has always been in descriptions of people, places, and things. My worlds go by in a gray haze of vaguery and impressionism.

And now, for some reason, I am crafting my worlds. My opening chapters take place in Seville, 1522, and I have devoted more than two sentences to the city. Much more. And I’m loving it.

*Self-aggrandizing rubbish.

Christmas
love
red
green
lights
tinsel
displays
snow
more snow
cold
scarves
muffs
sweaters
fireplace
gingerbread houses
cinnamon spice ornaments
smiles
hugs
thank yous
gifts
beautiful wrappings
curled ribbons
wreaths
jingle bells
hymns
church bells
nativity
Santa
3 magi
silent night
carol of the bells
cookies
snowmen
carrot nose
more snow
snowflakes
paper ornaments
origami cranes
white
family
friends
dinner
pumpkin pie
It’s a Wonderful Life

I could go on forever, but will stop at this point.

DRAFT

It started with a metaphor: The El-Zekkum is a thorny tree which symbolizes a very severe punishment and bitter remorse for those who lack spiritual discernment. By deceiving themselves and choosing an unhealthy path, they prefer an illusion of reality— a tree whose fruit resembles the almond but is extremely bitter– to the delicious, merciful and spiritual food of Divine Reality.

So I tried to map the metaphor.

See My Google Map entitled Mapping Metaphors: Zeqqumhere. This map will be updated as I find new relevant links.

View Larger Map

Metaphor (metapherein Gr. meta: between phero:to bear) the description of one thing as something else, can be traced as far back as Ur. Since the 1960s and 1970s continental philosophers such as Derrida and Ricoeur have revisited the term.

A friend who has lived in Saudi Arabia has seen this plant which is also referred to in the Koran the as Tree of Zaqqum ( Surah 44 verse 43). And she found this photo of of a Zaqqum Tree in At Ta’if by Naseem Najd whose site includes great travel photos of Ta’if.

Then I found this photo of the similar Eltham Indian Fig, or Sweet Prickly Pear (Opuntia dillenii) with the fruits. Coastal semidesert altitude zone, Teno peninsula. North-west coast of the Tenerife Island, Canary Archipelago taken by Alexander Bogolyubov, January, 2008.

In wikipedia the reference claims that Zaqqum (Arabic: زقوم‎) is a tree that Muslims believe grows in Jahannam (hell). The Khati’un are compelled to eat Adh-Dhari, bitter fruit, to intensify their torment (Qur’an 69:36-37). The Khati’un may eat only the fruit or Ghislin (foul pus from the washing of their wounds) (Qur’an 69:36). Its fruits are shaped like devils’ heads (Qur’an 37:62-68). According to Shaykh Umar Sulayman Al-Ashqar, a professor at the University of Jordan, once the palate of the sinners is satiated, the fruit in their bellies churns like burning oil. Some Islamic scholars believe the fruit tears their bodies apart and releases bodily fluids. The Qur’an says: [44.43] Surely the tree of the Zaqqum, [44.44] Is the food of the sinful [44.45] Like dregs of oil; it shall boil in (their) bellies,
[44.46] Like the boiling of hot water.[1] The name zaqqum has been applied to the species Euphorbia abyssinica by the Beja people in eastern Sudan.[2] In Jordan, it is applied to the species Balanites aegyptiaca.[3]

“Is that better entertainment or the Tree of Zaqqum? For We have truly made it (as) a trial for the wrongdoers. For it is a tree that springs out of the bottom of Hellfire: The shoots of its fruit-stalks are like the heads of devils: Truly they will eat thereof and fill their bellies therewith. Then on top of that they will be given a mixture made of boiling water… (Surah Al-Saffat Those Ranged in Ranks Surah 37:Verse 62 – 67)”

“Verily the tree of Zaqqum will be the food of the sinful, -like molten brass; it will boil in their insides, like the boiling of scalding water. (Surah Al-Dukhan – Smoke – Surah 44:Verse 43 – 46)”

“Then will you truly, O you that go wrong, and treat (Truth) as falsehood! ‘You will surely taste of the Tree of Zaqqum. Then will you fill your insides there with. (Surah Al-Waqi’ah-The Inevitable Event-Surah 56:Verse 51 – 53)”

Zakkum is listed by L. J. Musselman (2003) in his publication entitled “Trees in the Koran and the Bible.” Of the 22 trees of the Bible, the date palm, fig, olive, pomegranate and tamarisk are also included in the Koran. Unique to the Koran are the talh (scholars are undecided as to whether this is the banana plant, which is not a tree, or a species of the widespread genus Acacia), the sidr (a thorn bush, probably Zizyphus spina-christi) and the mysterious and foul “tree of Hell”, or zaqqm (As-Saffat 37:65, Ad-Dukhn 44:49, Al-Waqi’a 56:51): “Is this not a better welcome than the zaqqm tree? We have made this tree a scourge for the unjust. It grows in the nethermost part of Hell, bearing fruit like devils’ heads: on it they shall feed, and with it they shall cram their bellies, together with draughts of scalding water. Then to Hell shall they return.” Musselman also noted that “Similarly, in eastern Sudan, the Beja people call the large, arborescent cactus Euphorbia abyssinica “zaqqm” after the tree of Hell mentioned in the Koran. It is unlikely that the conception of the zaqqm in the Koran was based on this succulent, since the zaqqm fruit was described as resembling a devil’s head, for instance. It is perhaps owing to its very bitter sap that Euphorbia abyssinica has been likened to the zaqqm.” He also added that, “In the Koran, trees are most frequently cited as gifts of a beneficent Creator, with the notable exception of the tree of Hell, zaqqm. In both scriptures, fruits from trees are highly valued (Musselman 2003:45-7) .”

Notes:

1. Jean Léonard, whose work (1981-1992) entitled “Contribution à l’étude de la flore et de la végétation des déserts d’Iran (Dasht-e-Kavir, Dasht-e-Lut, Jaz Murian)” was published by the Jardin Botanique National de Belgique (The National Botanic Garden of Belgium) may have insight into the plant referred to be .

2. maps work on the basis of a totalizing classification (Anderson 1991 [1983]).

3. In her book entitled Naming Nature: the Clash between Instinct and Science, (2009) biologist, science writer (New York Times, Science, The Washington Post, and the Los Angeles Times Carol Kaesuk Yoon calls for a reclamation of the scientific field of taxonomy, the ordering and naming of things. As science educator-consultant (Cornell University, Microsoft) she encourages critical thinking in biology.

4. “O thou who art partaking of the Heavenly Food! Know thou verily the Divine Food is descending from heaven, but only those taste thereof who are directed to the light of guidance, and only those can enjoy it who are endowed with a sound taste. Otherwise every diseased soul disliketh the delicious and merciful food and this is because of the sickness which hath seized him, whereby the El-Zekkum [1] is sweet (to his taste) while he fleeth from the ripe fruit of the Tree of the Living and Pre-existent God — and there is no wonder in that. [1 El-Zekkum -- a thorny tree so called, which bears fruit like an almond, but extremely bitter. Therefore the tree symbolizes a very severe punishment and bitter remorse for the unbelievers.] In a similar way, thou beholdest some women who have abandoned the Testament, and to them the bitterness of discord is sweet. They keep aloof from the Extended Shadow and dwell under the shade of a “black smoke.” Alas for them and grief for them! They will surely lament and find themselves in loss. Verily, this is but an evident truth! (Abdu’l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu’l-Baha v1, p. 130-1).

5. “Yet I had planted thee, a noble vine, wholly a right seed. How then art thou turned into the degenerate plant of a strange vine unto Me?” Jeremiah 2:21. 21st Century King James Version. Try <a href="“>also

 ²¹Yet I had planted thee, a noble vine, wholly a right seed. How then art thou turned into the degenerate plant of a strange vine unto Me?

6. For an image and botanical description of Euphorbia abyssinica [zaqqum]:“Montane vegetation of the Red Sea hills: Up to 2 260 m high, these hills are situated in the north-eastern edge of the Sudan. The seaward facing slopes of the hills have a winter rainfall, while those not facing the sea have a very low summer rainfall. Mist and clouds have an important effect on the vegetation. A few localities enjoy both summer and winter rains. Near the Eritrean border, forests of Juniperus procera are found, with a few well-stocked areas but most ravaged by fire and overgrazing. Associated with Juniperus is Olea chrysophylla. Characteristic plants of the drier parts of this range include Dracaena ombet and Euphorbia abyssinica [zaqqum].” (www.euphorbia.de/e_abyssinica).”

7. For a botanical illustration of Balanites aegyptiaca [zaqqum]

Paradeiooj Greek? – Garden

My Webliography and Bibliography

Tigay, Jeffrey Howard. Paradise.

Léonard, Jean. 1981-1992. “Contribution à l’étude de la flore et de la végétation des déserts d’Iran (Dasht-e-Kavir, Dasht-e-Lut, Jaz Murian). Jardin Botanique National de Belgique.

Jeffrey Howard Tigay’s Bibliography

J. Frazer, Folklore in the Old Testament, 1 (1919), 45–77; Th. C. Vriezen, Orderzoek naar de paradijs-voorstelling bij de oude Semietische Volken (1937), incl. bibl.;

P. Humbert, Etudes sur le rMcit du paradis et de la chute dans la GenIse (1940), incl. bibl.; U. Cassuto, in: Studies in Memory of M. Schorr (1944), 248–58;

J. L. Mc-Kenzie, in: Theological Studies, 15 (1954), 541–72; E. A. Speiser, in: BASOR, 140 (1955), 9–11; idem, in: Festschrift Johannes Friedrich (1959), 473–85;

R. Gordis, in: JBL, 76 (1957), 123–38; B. S. Childs, Myth and Reality in the Old Testament (19622), 43–50; N. M. Sarna, Understanding Genesis (1966), 23–28;

T. H. Gaster, Myth, Legend and Custom in the Old Testament (1969), 6–50, 327–71; J. A. Bailey, in: JBL, 89 (1970), 137–50. See also Commentaries to Genesis 2:4–3.

R. H. Charles, Eschatology (19632); K. Kohler, Heaven and Hell in Comparative Religion (1923);

H. Strack and P. Billerbeck, Kommentar zum Neuen Testament, 4 (1928), 1928), 1016–65.

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