Our Fucking Builders

I was about to write a post titled ‘Our Fucking Builders’ as a follow up to Jon’s blog that focused on our fucking windows and the retarded state of “installation” that they have been left in.

totally installed

In fairness they really deserve a deriding (even if all this stuff wasn’t necessarily by these builders specifically) blog post not only for the windows but for the weird, noisy little shack they have built on our roof.

the white thing is the little shack on top of our roof

The fucking hole they have made in our flat building,

and if you turn right at the bottom of the stairs you aaaaaaa...

the current state of new boiler installation

Yeah uh, this is a magic boiler that works from outside without any water or electricity.

and whatever the hell this thing is.

As I grabbed my camera to suspiciously snap some pictures of the builders working on whatever that thing is, I realised that I hadn’t yet shared any photos from my immediate surrounding area in Pyeongnae-dong. So here is a sort of pick ‘n’ mix of photos that might have flushed out their own posts should I have ever had settled on enough narrative to warrant them.

FAKE EDIT: The hole thing has been widened to the size of a whole door frame since I took that picture. They have actually cut the right third of the window off for it. I don’t even know what to think.

Christmas

First as a bit of a diary pointer, Christmas is in the air and actually I think I prefer what I’ve seen in Korea to my experience. Nice lights are all around on the APT gates and while I have heard a few Korean rehashes of traditional songs such as Jingle Bells and Last Christmas, I haven’t been driven mad by the standard playlist of Slade et al.. Anyway, I have been making cards with 하영 for the last couple of weekends and we have also picked up a few presents to send home.

you lucky people

Korea – not exactly polished

Now for some bleak pictures. Is it strange that I am always attracted to desolate and decaying bits of a town? These were all taken within a 5 minute walk of my home. During that walk I also saw a charming little chicken farm on the side of the hill. Charming until I noticed three of four dogs in a 10ft by 5ft cage in the middle of it. From that position I doubt that they could guard anything. Those dogs are for eatin’.

I am informed that this says (or rather used to) butchers. Would you buy meat from here?

Womble picnic area

To me this looks like a teapot as been sick on itself

dead rose and a metal bird

the number of bottles of soju required to turn into a teapot

Korean buildings

It’s not all the ivory towers of apartment buildings and shopping complexes in Pyongnae. The architecture can be pleasantly East-Asian traditional, a bit ugly, or really rather strange as in the case of most church buildings.

Over the roof top

Further proof that not all residential buildings in Korea are apartments.

This one falls into the ugly category.

Why bother with a whole church-y type building when you can just make a steeple from metal sheeting.

What other nation would have little patterns like this on bricks for the entire house?

As the title suggests, this post is in regards to the woman and male child of Revelation chapter 12.  As usual, there seems to be confusion as to who both of these represent.  There are those that would have us believe that the woman represents the church, but God’s word does not support this assumption.  (Rev.12:1)

“A great and wonderous sign appeared in heaven:  a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head.”

Whenever there is  symbolism in the book of Revelation, the meaning is either revealed within the book of Revelation itself or can be found elsewhere in God’s word. The identity of the woman is made very clear as seen in  Joseph’s dream found in Genesis 37:9-10.

“Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. “Listen,” he said, ” I had another dream, and this time the sun, moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I  and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?”

Here Joseph tells his father Jacob and his brothers the dream that he had and thereby reveals the identity of the woman of Revelation 12. She is said to be clothed with the [Sun], with the [moon] under her feet and a crown of [twelve stars].  Jacob, in responding to Joseph’s dream, reveals the symbolism of the sun being Jacob himself, the moon representing his wives and the eleven stars representing his brothers or eleven of the twelve tribes of Israel, Joseph being the twelfth star.  Therefore, the woman in chapter twelve of Revelation collectively represents the nation Israel. 

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that he might devour her child the moment it was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who will rule all the nations with and iron scepter. And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne.”

Regarding the dragon, there are seperate symbolic meanings for the heads, horns and crowns, which  are revealed in Revelation 17, but the dragon here is also revealed as Satan in Revelation 12:9.  In the verse above, the woman gives birth to a male son and the dragon is standing before the woman ready to devour her child the moment it is  born.  Since we have already seen that the woman represents Israel and the dragon is representing Satan, he is  standing before Israel waiting for her to give birth, which begs the question, who is the nation Israel giving birth to?

Many have interpreted the male child as, the Lord Jesus, but upon closer inspection, the context does not support this assumption. It is said that,  Satan is standing before Israel waiting  to devour her child the moment that it is born, but as stated in the verse, the child is snatched up to God and his throne before Satan can devour it.  The words “snatched up” is translated from the word “Harpazo,” which is the same word used to describe those who are “Caught up” right after the resurrection described in 1 Thessalonians 4:16. The word denotes “force suddenly exercised” or to be “snatched away.” It is the same word used to describe paul when he was “Caught up” to the third heaven and  when the Spirit “caught away” Phillip from the Eunuch.  The idea is of being suddenly taken away by force and therefore, this male child is snatched away to God’s throne while still alive and is most likely changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye just as in the description of the church in 1 Thes.4:16. 

Furthrermore, it is said that the dragon is waiting to devour the child, but is unable to because it is snatched up to God’s throne.  This being the case, Jesus cannot be in view here as the male child. First of all, the dragon is waiting to devour (destroy) the child, but is thwarted because he is snatched up to God’s throne, which shows that he escapes the dragon, while in contrast, Jesus was crucified, which would infer the opposite of escaping, that is, his being crucified would show in the symbolism that he was devoured by the dragon. 

Second, in contrast to the male child being “snatched up” to God’s throne, Jesus was resurrected. The word translated “resurrected” is the word “Anastasis, ” which means “a standing up again” and always refers to the dead.  Therefore, the male child is seen as twarting Satan by being snatched up to God’s throne without being devoured, whereas Jesus was crucified and after three days resurrected.

Who then is the woman Israel giving birth to ? The main characteristic of the child that Israel gives birth to is that it is a “Male.” 

“And they sang a new song before the thone and before the four living creatures and the elders.  No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. These are those who did not defile themselves with women,  for they kept themselves pure.”

This group of 144,000 are the same group that were sealed while on the earth with the seal of God in their foreheads in Revelation chapter 7.  Here in Revelation chapter 14, they are seen  with Christ on the mount Zion of heaven. The verse above states that they did not defile themselves with “Women”, which would infer that these 144,000 are all male, ergo the  ”Male Child.”  Here in Revelation chapter 14, the 144,000 are shown here after they have been snatched up to God’s throne.

Who are 144,000? As we have seen, Israel gives birth to them, that is, the 144,000 come out of Israel. Imagine a whole pie and the pie represents the nation Israel and just for the sake of this illustration let’s say that the pie represents one million Israelites. Now, cut out a slice of that pie to  represent the 144,000 that comes out of Israel, that is, those she gives birth to.   

What is the meaning that Israel “gives birth” to them? In Rev. 14:4 it is stated:

“They were purchased from among men and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb.”

The meaning of them being offered as “first fruits” is that, these 144,000 are a select group that come out of  Israel, who by the grace of God come to the knowledge that Jesus is in fact their Messiah (gives birth to). And of them it is said, they follow the Lamb wherever he goes.

To recap, the woman is Israel and she gives birth to a male child who are the 144,000 that come to the knowledge that Jesus is their Messiah, they are snatched up to God’s throne and the rest of the nation Israel, who have still not confess that Jesus is the Christ, flee into the wilderness (desolation) where they are cared for by God for 3 1/2 years up until Jesus returns. Sometime prior to Jesus returning, the woman will also come to the knowledge that Jesus is their Messiah and along with the remainder of the tribulation saints, they will go into the millennial kingdom as mortals to repopulate the earth.

Thank you for reading my post. My prayer for you is that God would bless you and strengthen you in your faith, for faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ.

For those of you who have not yet believed in Christ, I pray that God will reveal the truth of His word and confirm it in your hearts by His Holy Spirit. Whoever will call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved, for whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.

Yours In Christ – Ahwatukee

Nations are made “desolate” because of

• Evil doings (Jer 44:22),
• Not listening to God’s word (Jer 22:5),
• Refusing to be instructed by God (Jer 6:8),
• Shedding innocent blood (Joel 3:19),
• Despising God’s judgments and statutes (Lev 26:43),
• Dwelling carelessly (Zeph 2:15),
• Violence (Eze 12:19),
• Trespass (Eze 15:8),
• Killing their babies (Eze 20:26),
• Rebellion against God (Hos 13:16),
• Evil doings reap a harvest of evil (Mic 7:13).

The church is made desolate because of

• Evil pastors (Jer 12:10),
• No man layeth it to heart (Jer 12:11).
• The fierceness of the oppressor and God’s fierce anger.  (Jer 25:38) (Oppressors are promised to the disobedient)
• God due to their wickedness & idolatry (Jer 44:3),
• Refusing to listen to God’s prophets (Jer 44:4-5),
• Refusing to humble themselves and repent of their sins even to this day (Jer 44:10),
• Committing abominations and evil which the Lord can no longer stand (Jer 44:22),
• Refusing to obey the voice of the Lord (Jer 44:23),
• Killing or persecuting God’s prophets and refusing to be gathered to Jesus (Matt 23:34-38).

From Daniel 9, the church is made desolate because of:

• Sin, iniquity, doing wickedly, rebellion, departing from God’s precepts and judgments (vs 5),
• Not listening to God’s prophets (vs 6),
• Trespassing against God (vs 7),
• Not obeying the voice of God or walking in His laws (vs 10),
• Departing from God (vs 11),
• God is faithful to confirm His words by bringing evil on those who disobey (vs 12),
• Not praying a prayer of repentance, turning from iniquity to understand God’s truth (vs 13),
• God is righteous, therefore brings evil upon the unrepentant and disobedient (vs 14).

“Therefore is the sanctuary desolate.” (17)

Individual’s “houses” can be made “desolate” also, according to Acts 1:20, concerning the apostle Judas who by transgression fell away.  In Matt 7:22-29, Jesus taught that it was the man who not only hears the Word but puts it into practice, whose “house” shall not be destroyed.  The “house” is the individual’s life, which shall only be preserved by the one who is careful to do the Word of God.

Compilation of DESOLATION Scriptures for Further Study (KJV)

Lev 26:31 “I will make your cities waste, and bring your sanctuaries unto desolation…”

Lev 26:32 “I will bring the land into desolation and your enemies which dwell therein shall be astonished at it.”

Josh 8:28 “Joshua burnt Ai, and made it…even a desolation…”

2 Kin 22:19  “Because thine heart was tender, and thou hast humbled thyself before the Lord, when thou heardeest what I spake against this place, and against the inhabitants thereof, that they should become a desolation and a curse, and has rent thy clothes, and wept before me;  I also have heard thee, saith the Lord.”

2 Ch 30:7  “And be not ye like your fathers, and like your brethren, which trespassed against the LORD God of their fathers, who therefore gave them up to desolation…”

Psa 73:19  How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment!  they are utterly consumed with terrors.

Pro 1:27 “When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirl wind; and when distress and anguish cometh upon you.

Pro. 3:25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither o fthe desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.

Isa 10:3  And what will ye do in the day of visitation, and in the desolation which shall come from far?  to whom will ye flee for help?  and where will ye leave your glory?

Isa 17:9  In that day shall his strong cities be as a forsaken bough, and an uppermost branch, which they left because of the children of Israel;  and there shall be desolation.

Isa 24:12  In the city is left desolation, and the gate is smitten with destruction.

Isa 47:11  Therefore shall evil com upon thee; thou shalt not know from whence it riseth:  and mischief shall fall upon thee; thou shalt not be able to put it off:  and desolation shall come upon thee suddenly, which thou shalt not know.

Isa 51:19  These two things are come unto thee; who shall be sorry for thee?  desolation, and destruction, and the famine, and the sword:  by whom shall I comfort thee?

Isa 64:10  They holy cities are a wilderness, Zion is a wilderness, Jerusalem a desolation.

Jer 22:5  But if ye will not hear these words, I swear by myself, saith the LORD, that this house shall become a desolation.

Jer 25:11  And this whol land shall be a desolation, and an astonishment;  and these nations shall serve the king of Babylon seventy years.

Jer 25:18  To wit, Jerusalem, and the cities of Judah, and the kings thereof, and the princes thereof, to make them a desolation, an astonishment, an hissing, and a curse; asit is this day;

Jer 34:22  “…and I will make the cities of Judah a desolation without an inhabitant.”

Jer 44:2  Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel;  Ye have seen all the evil that I have brought upon Jerusalem, and upon all the cities of Judah;  and, behold, this day they are a desolation, and no man dwelleth therein,

Jer 44:22  So that the LORD could no longer bear, because of the evil of your doings, and because of the abominations which ye have committed;  therefore is your land a desolation, and an astonishment, and a curse, without inhabitant as at this day.

Jer 49:13 “…Bozrah shall become a desolation…”

Jer 49:17  “…Edom shall be a desolation…”

Jer 49:33 “…Hazor shall be…a desolation…”

Jer 50:23  “How is the hammer of the whole earth cut asunder and broken!  how is Babylon become a desolation among the nations!”

Jer 51:29  And the land shall tremble and sorrow: for every purpose of the LORD shall be performed against Babylon, to make thaland of Babylon a desoation without an inhabitant.

Jer 51:43  Her cities are a desolation, a dry land, and a wilderness, a land wherein no man dwelleth, neither doth any son of man pass thereby.

Lam 3:47  Fear and a snare is come upon us, desolation and destruction.

Eze 7:27  “…and the prince shall be clothed with desolation, and the hands of the people of the land shall be troubled:  I will do unto them after their way, and according to their deserts will I judge them; and they shall know that I am the LORD.”

Eze 23:33  Thou shalt be filled with drunkenness and sorrow, with the cup of astonishment and desolation…

Dan 8:13 Then I heard one saint speaking, and another saint said unto that certain saint which spake, How long shall be the vision concerning the daily sacrifice, and the transgression of desolation, to give both the sanctuary and the host to be trodden under foot?

Hos 12:1  ” Ephraim….daily increaseth lies and desolation…”

Joel 3:19  Egypt shall be a desolation, and Edom shall be a desolate wilderness, for the violence against the children of Judah, because they have shed innocent blood in their land.

Micah 6:16  For the statutes of Omri are kept, and all the works of the house of Ahab, and ye walk in their counsels; that I should make thee a desolation…

Zeph 1:13  Therefore their goods shall become a booty, and their houses a desolation…

Zeph 1:15  That day is a day of wrath, a day of trouble and distress, a day of wasteness and desolation, a day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness,

Zeph 2:4  For Gaza shall be forsaken, and Ashhelon a desolation…

Zeph 2:9  Therefore…surely Moab shall be as Sodom, and the children of Ammon as Gomorrah…a perpetual desolation…

Zeph 2:13  And he will…make Ninevah a desolation and dry like a wilderness

Zeph 2:14  …desolation shall be in the thresholds…

Zeph 2:15  This is the rejoicing city that dwelt carelessly, that said in her heart, I am, and there is none beside me: how she is become a desolation…

Matt 12:25  And Jesus knew their thoughts and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation;  and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand [also Luke 11:17]

Matt 24:15  When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)

Mark 13:14  But when ye shall see the abomination of desolation spoken by Daniel  the prophet, standing where it ought not, (let him that readeth understand,) then let them that be in Judaea flee to the mountains:

Luke 21:20  And when ye shall see Jerusalem compassed with armies, then know that the desolation thereof is nigh.

Compilation of DESOLATE Scriptures (not exhaustive)

Lev 26:22  I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle, and make you few in number;  and you high ways shall be desolate.

Lev 26:33 And I will scatter you among the heathen, and will draw out a sword after you: and your land whall be desolate, and your cities waste.

Lev 26:43  The land…shall be left…desolate without them: and they shall accept of the punishment of their iniquity:  because, even because they despised my judgments, and because their soul abhorred my statutes.

Job 15:34  For the congregation of hypocrites shall be desolate, and fire shall consume the tabernacles of bribery.

Psa 34:21  Evil shall slay the wicked: and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate.

Isa 1:7  Your country is desolate, your cities are burned with fire: your land, strangers devour it in your presence, and it is desolate, as overthrown by strangers.

Isa 6:11  Then said I, Lord, how long?  And he answered, Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land utterly desolate

Isa 13:9  Behold, the day of the LORD cometh, cruel both with wrath and fierce anger, to lay the land desolate: and he shall destroy the sinners thereof out of it.

Isa 24:6  Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left.

Isa 27:10 Yet the defenced city shall be desolate….

Isa 59:10  We grope for the wall like the blind, and we grope as if we had no eyes: we stumble at noonday as in the night;  we are in desolate places as dead men.

Jer 2:12  Be astonished, O ye heavens, at this, and be horribly afraid, be ye very desolate, saith the LORD.

Jer 4:7 …he is gone forth from his place to make thy land desolate…

Jer 4:27  For thus hath the LORD said, The whole land shall be desolate;  yet will I not make a full end.

Jer 6:8  Be thou instructed, O Jerusalem, lest my soul depart from thee; lest I make thee desolate, a land not inhabited.

Jer 9:11  And I will make Jerusalem heaps, and a den of dragons;  and I will make the cities of Judah desolate, wihout an inhabitant.

Jer 10:25  Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name:  for they have eaten up Jacob, and devoured him, and consumed him, and have made his habitation desolate.

Jer 12:10  Many pastors have destroyed my vineyard, they have trodden my portion under foot, they have made my pleasant portion a desolate wilderness.

Jer 12:11 They have made it desolate, and being desolate it mourneth unto me; the whole land is made desolate because no man layeth it to heart.

Jer 19:8  And I will make this city desolate…

Jer 25:38  He hath forsaken his covert (tabernacle), as the lion: for their land is desolate because of the fierceness of the oppressor, and because of his fierce anger.

Jer 44:6  Wherefore my fury and mine anger was poured forth, and was kindled in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem; and they are wasted and desolate, as at this day.

Lam 1:4  The ways of Zion do mourn, because none come to her solemn feasts:  all her gates are desolate:  her priests sigh, her virgins are afflicted, and she is in bitterness.

Lam 1:16  for these things  weep;    mine eye, mine eye runneth down with water, because the comforter that should relieve my soul is far from me:  my children are desolate, because the enemy prevailed.

Lam 4:5  They that did feed delicately are desolate in the streets:  they that were brought up in scarlet embrace dunghills.

Lam 5:18  Because of the mountain of Zion, which is desolate, the foxes walk upon it.

Eze 6:4  And your altars shall be desolate, and your images shall be broken:  and I will cast down your slain men before your idols. (as a sacrifice?)

Ez 6:6  In all your dwellingplaces the cities shall be laid waste and the high places shall be desolate;  that your altars may be laid waste and made desolate, and your idols may be broken and cease, and your images may be cut down, and your works may be abolished.

Eze 6:14  So I will stretch out my hand upon them, and make the land desolate…

Eze 12:19  …that her land may be desolate from all that is therein, because of the violence of all of them that dwell therein.

Eze 14:16  Though these three men were in it, as I live, saith the Lord GOD, they shall deliver neither sons nor daughters;  they only shall be delivered, but the land shall be desolate.

Eze 15:8  And I will make the land desolate, because they have committed a trespass, saith the Lord GOD.

Ez 20:26  And I polluted them in their own gifts, in that they caused to pass through the fire all that openeth the womb, that I might make them desolate, to the end that they might know that I am the LORD.

Ez 33:28  For I will lay the land most desolate, and the pomp of her strength shall cease;  and the mountains of Israel shall be desolate, that none shall pass through.

Ez 33:29  then shall they know that I am the LORD, when I have laid the land most desolate because of all their abominations which they have committed.

Ez  35:14  Thus saith the Lord GOD; When the whole earth rejoiceth, I will make thee desolate.

Ez 36:3 (enemies made Israel desolate…rest of chapter gives hope for future of repentant)

Dan 9:17  Now therefore O our God, hear the prayer of thy servant, and his supplications, and cause thy face to shine upon thy sanctuary that is desolate, for the Lord’s sake.

Dan 9:27  And he shall confirm the covenant with many for one week: and in the midst of the week he shall cause the sacrifice and the oblation to cease, and for the overspreading of abominations he shall make it desolate, even until the consummation, and that determined shall be poured upon the desolate.

Dan 11:31  And arms shall stand (be employed, serve) on his part and they shall pollute the sanctuary of strength, and shall take away the daily sacrifice, and they shall place the abomination that maketh desolate.

Dan 12:11  And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.

Hos 13:16  Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God:….

Joel 1:18  …the flocks of sheep are made desolate.

Joel 2:3  A fire devoureth before them;  and behind them a flame burneth:  the land is as the garden of Eden before them, and behind them a desolate wilderness;  yea, and nothing shall escape them.

Joel 3:19  …Edom shall be a desolate wilderness, for the violence against the children of Judah, because they have shed innocent blood in their land.

Amos 7:9  And the high places of Isaac shall be desolate, and the sanctuaries of Israel shall be laid waste…

Micah 1:7 …and all the idols thereof will I lay desolate…

Micah 6:13  Therefore also will I make thee sick in smiting thee, in making thee desolate because of thy sins.

Micah 7:13  Notwithstanding the land shall be desolate because of them that dwell therein, for the fruit of their doings.

Matt. 23:38  Behold your house is left unto you desolate. (also Luke 13:35)

Acts 1:20 (speaking of Judas, quoting Psalms) …Let his habitation be desolate, and let no man dwell therein…

Rev 17:16  And the ten horns which thou sawest upon the beast, these shall hate the whore, and shall make her desolate and naked, and shall eat her flesh, and burn her with fire. ( nations will hate the hypocritical religion, expose and destroy her.)

Rev 18:19  And they cast dust on their heads, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas, that great city, wherein were made rich all that had ships in the sea by reason of her costliness!  for in one hour is she made desolate.

Band: Grisatre/Desolation
Album: Grisatre/Desolation
Year: 2008
Type: Split
Genre(s): Depressive Black Metal/Ambient Black Metal
Lyrical theme(s): Abstract, Relfexion, Art, Philosophy
Label: Self Mutilation Services
Country: France
Size: 65,9 Mb

[Download]

Grisâtre
1. Méditation – 11:56
2. Génocide Maternel – 10:54
3. Pathos – 03:20

Desolation
4. The Taste of The Tears – 06:47
5. Misery – 08:24
6. Les Cendres de Mon Coeur – 03:09
7. Dusk of Summer – 04:55

Total playing time: 49:25

Hope and Desolation
snuggled by burning
trash, beneath a starry night.
In the brewed mornings of
hysteria, a door
peeped open. She
gazed upon the quivering
orphans of benumbed society.
Moved, she
embraced them in, and a
heart was born. Her
flat that once glowed
dim, shone with lustrous
fervor; and the
trash that burned for
Hope and Desolation,
burned away into
numbing nights. The
world around a
blur of flights.

Le sommet mondial de la FAO s’ouvre aujourd’hui à Rome.

Parmi les pays du G8, seule l’Italie sera représentée !

http://www.1billionhungry.org/

What am I?

I'm just an Aspergian loner with a boner.

Posted via email from HikiCulture – A Forum For Reclusive People (and Hikikomori)

Soliloquy for a Nightingale

Fly away my fair evening grace, forsaken ‘gain forth of light,
by thy soul of thy song I swear I twas swain
nay now I hear thee not for thy love hast taken flight.
Yester- eve thou did sit ‘pon hearts purchase caressing mine ear with content,
yet twas it merely for the night as came the break of daylight
and my soul twas left to lament – fly, fly away my fair  evening grace,
yet leave me not to the revelry of the lark,
I wilst forsake his happy tune for I wait on the moon
when thou returnest ‘gain with mine
- Heart.

© Charles Coakley Simpson 2009

I sometimes wonder if recluses and people who live the hikikomori lifestyle have other family members who live the same way. I wonder this, because I happen to have a brother who is pretty much a complete shut-in. It seems like a coincidence that both he and myself live extremely reclusive lifestyles.

My sister and I have pondered the reason why my brother and I are so anxiety-ridden and reclusive. We aren't certain if it's environmental factors involved, or if it's simply genes that have made us terribly anxious people. I believe that my mother is at least partially responsible for why I live the way I do now.

My sister told me that when she was a teenager she had very low confidence, but as soon as she moved out (she happened to move away from home at a [i]very[/i] young age), she immediately got better and claims that it saved her from becoming an anxiety-ridden shut-in.

When I was a kid, I was always told "don't do this", "don't do that!", "watch out", "be careful!" all the time. My mother would hardly ever let me and my siblings do anything unless we were to be under close scrutiny by her. We'd get in trouble over anything, and were never taught how to do things kids should learn how to do at a young age. She just did everything herself because she seemed to think that we'd mess things up, even though in reality, we likely wouldn't have.

When you're a kid and are constantly told not to do anything in fear that you'll mess up, you start to develop a low self-esteem. The anxiety we feel today may in fact be a kind of 'shell shock' effect left over from when we were kids.

I don't think my mother is a terrible person or anything. I'm very sure that she became this way because of my grandma who is exactly the same way. It's always "don't do this!", "don't do that!", "you're going to hurt yourself!", "make sure you don't —" and after a while, we just become too paranoid to do anything without getting yelled at.

Posted via email from HikiCulture – A Forum For Reclusive People (and Hikikomori)

This morning, someone stumbled upon my blog searching Google for “Abbé Henri de Tourville.” I was surprised. He’s a classic spiritual director who has encouraged me often in my journey with Christ. Today, I decided to give you links to those past posts (oldest first). Why not click and read one that catches your eyes or stirs your curiosity:

• “Eyes Off Myself” (2/8/09) – here he talks about our tendency to focus on ourselves in relationship with God, rather than on God in relationship with us. Subtle and wise counsel.
• “The Joy of Growing” (4/8/09) – God knows our heart and intentions as well as He knows our actions.
• “Does God Really Like You?” (5/3/09) – Do we really believe God not only loves, but likes us at this very moment–exactly as we are? Why or why not?
• “Unaccountable Love” (5/8/09) – The greatest commandment is to love God and love our neighbor. Here are some encouraging words about that.
• “Trying to Compete with God” (6/1/09) – Even though I know the scripture say that we love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19), do I ever catch myself competing and trying to love Him first?
• “Christ in Me, But Sometimes I Forget” (6/5/09) – What happens when I realize the transforming reality of Christ making Himself at home in me and working in and through me?
• “What If I Don’t Feel Like It?” (6/7/09) – responding to God when prayer doesn’t feel as inviting and rewarded as it once did.
• “A Good Word: Talking to Myself” – (6/12/09) – The idea of self-talk is not a new one. Here are some wise words about the things we tell ourselves.
• “Spiritual Direction: Allow God to Love You” (10/25/09) – I included a little bio on Abbé Henri de Tourville here, along with his “Go bankrupt!” counsel.

Buy a copy of Letters Of Direction: Thoughts On The Spiritual Life from Amazon

At first glance, because of the binding, cover, and length of m copy of Ceremony I assumed the novel would be a bit less intense than our previous novels. I cannot believe I really “judged a book by its cover.” After reading the first section I realized Ceremony is just as if not more emotionally strenuous as our other books. The part of the novel I have found most intriguing at this point is the imagery that Silko expresses. The juxtaposition of the rainy jungles of the Phillipines to the arid conditions of the reservation serve to create a novel of dual worlds. One is the war zone Tayo left behind, moist with monsoon water and both enemy and comrade blood. The other is the surreal mirage filled desert that Tayo returns to, his mind and memory mirroring the desolation of windswept reservation. These two scenes together create a deep divide between the world Tayo resides in and the one and left behind, a key distinction that creates much of the his internal conflict.

toward dawn we shared with you
your hour of desolation,
the huge lingering passion
of your unearthly outcry,
as you swung your blind head
toward us and laboriously opened
a bloodshot, glistening eye,
in which we swam with terror and recognition
-Stanley Kunitz The Wellfleet Whale

Hier mal zwei Bilder, in denen ich das Gate of Desolation von DAZ genutzt habe. Wie schön, dass es das mal als Freebie gab. Das hab ich dann gleich zwei Mal verrendert. =) Habe leider erst sehr wenige Haare, deshalb trägt meine Vicky auch hier das selbe Haar wie auf dem Sleeping-Render.

Gate of Desolation übersetze ich mal als “Tor der Wiederbeburt”. Das habe ich mit meinen Bildern zwar nicht ausdrücken wollen, aber ich finde für zwei Testrender sind die Bilder schon ganz passabel. =)

Priestess of the Silver Star

Come visit Studio Raziel at our new online galleries at Art-3000:
http://www.art-3000.com/artist/?id=2081

…somewhat of a followup from my last blog

i think that for some of us daniel’s prayer in chapter 9 sounds strangely familiar.  for some of us the feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, loneliness, and ruin have become part of our most intimate self.  be it circumstances beyond our control or the fall out from decisions we have made, the result of sin touches our lives in a very profound way.  it is so easy to raise our eyes and see all around us nothing but desolation – complete and insurmountable destruction…

we see broken relationships

we see failed attempts

we see broken promises

we see dishonesty

hypocrisy

envy

hatred

spite

emptiness

we see death

we feel death deep inside.  we feel the reality of our own unholiness gnawing away at our soul deep within.  we know that we are unworthy.  we know that we are fallen.  we know that we are broken and that there is nothing we can do to fix it.  we know that there is nothing we can do to stand up again on our own.  we know that there is nothing we can do to cleanse ourselves – even if we could we couldn’t stay clean.

we are weak, and we know it.

but daniel remembered something.  he had in his mind something that changed the picture – something that challenged the reality of our deserved nothingness.  he saw the history of a God who created… of a God who loves.  he remembered a God who throughout all time again and again and again reaches down and restores his creation.

it started in the garden at the fall and the story continues through the flood, the tower, slavery, conquest and inhabitation.  time and time again – every time God hears his children cry out he hears and he acts.  and daniel knew that.  daniel knew that God was a God of mercy.  daniel simply asked to be part of God’s unfolding story.  daniel longed to be part of God’s epic tale of love.

i do too.