1. Sometimes singing a song very very fast will obscure the fact that most of the lyrics don’t make sense.

2. Johnnie Ray “sounded sad upon the radio” even if “he moved a million hearts in mono” because the chances of him getting laid are remote since his groupies are just “mothers (who) cried and sang along.”

3. You can “hum this tune forever” (Toora loora toora loo rye ay) but no one will understand what the fuck it means.

4.  Trying to convince a girl by telling her “we are young and far too clever” then asking her to “take off everything” only works with hookers.

5. Even Eileen would be smart enough to know that lines like “you mean everything” is pure horse shit to get girls in bed.

Best of?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!

Species Name: Onehitwonderus Whoricus

“Alright stop, collaborate and listen, Ice is back” with the same fucking song he’s been singing for the last twenty years.  I know, I know, Vanilla Ice doesn’t seem like such a timely victim to be thinned from the herd, but that was before this aired on the “Early Show” this morning:

Robert Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice, I bow my head to you for being the first white boy to take the rapping world by storm.  The guy does deserve some accolades, after all, “Ice Ice Baby” was the first hip hop song to top the Billboard single chart and the album the hit was on became the fastest selling hip hop album of all time.  Not to mention the fact that every suburban white kid at my school, including myself, knew the words to “Ice Ice Baby.”  Now that all that flattery is out of the way, lets get down to the nitty gritty.  Vanilla Ice just won’t go the fuck away.  He couldn’t go quietly into the night like such one hit wonders as Dexy’s Midnight Runners and Chumbawumba. No, this shit stick had to wear out his welcome by not only changing his music style to crappy hard rock, but then still expecting everyone to buy his crappy hard rock albums. Instead of trying to reinvent yourself, why couldn’t you just quit while you were ahead?  Actually I know why, because he’s a walking celebrity cliche and has too big of a drug habit to support.

So once again you have made your way back into the mainstream thanks to the Early Show having some bullshit segment on what was cool twenty years ago.  Although I don’t think you should have delusions of grandeur about being too cool to perform your one hit, I also think it’s a tad bit pathetic that you seem to whore yourself out for any opportunity to perform the one song that made you socially relevant.  It’s sad to think that by imagining a world sans Vanilla Ice, a major portion of my childhood would be stripped away from me…but nobody said this job would be easy.

In a world where Vanilla Ice didn’t exist to make all future white boy rappers the laughing stock of the hip hop world:

• We’d all have that $6 back that we spent on going to see one of the worst movies of all time, Cool as Ice.  Don’t act like you weren’t stoked when that movie came out…

• The “Surreal Life” would’ve been forced to find another washed up celebrity to be on their show, what a dilemma…
• Todd Bridges would’ve had to fight another washed up celebrity on “Celebrity Boxing.”
• We would’ve never been able to witness this amazing meltdown broadcast on MTV:

• No one would’ve been able to look so ridiculous in glittery jump suits and whatever that hairdo was:

• On a sad note, we would never have gotten to experience the “Ninja Rap” in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze:

• Florida would be minus one more crazy, white trashy, spouse abusing, drug using, self destructive loser.

We all had fun singing “Ice Ice Baby,” but now its time for it to die along with Vanilla Ice.  Unfortunately, unless this clown is locked up in the slammer, he’ll keep pushing his crappy straight edge rock and whoring himself out to anyone who wants to pay him to sing “Ice Ice Baby” for fifty bucks.  Hey Vanilla, I’ll pay you fifty bucks to sing “Ninja Rap” and then jump off a building, how bout that?

But one has to have dreams right?

The ultimate one-hit-wonder of 80’s! ^^ So high-school but killer dance tune and such a fun song.

More Information on Dexys Midnight Runners or Official Web Site

I've never worn that dress.

I call it “The Midnight Runner.”

Do you get it? DO YOU GET IT???

Obvious hint:

Believe me, I already regret it

1. Pete Burns becomes Faye Dunaway! I did know that Dead or Alive frontman (you know… “You spin me right round, baby right round…”) became a woman. That is decade-old news that Mtv already touched upon in their own series of 80s tributes a couple years back. I didn’t, however, see his latest female persona in which Burns has dyed his hair blond, packed his lips full of mumble-inducing Botox, and of course, made an obligatory appearance on a reality-TV show in which D-list celebrities act like assholes to revive their faded popularity. The lead singer of Dexy’s Midnight Runners attempted the same, but keeping it simple: an ugly man who likes to crossdress.

2. Young MC was an economics major who wrote “‘Bust a Move” (look for actor Max Perlich and RHCP bassist Flea!) in about an hour in his dorm room. He, too, made the obligatory reality-TV appearance, though it was a celebrity weight-loss show.

3. Let’s Talk About God, Baby… DJ Jazzy Jeff shows up in Salt & Peppa’s “Push It” video! And, although an incredibly hip duo, they split after about a decade of producing hits because Peppa (or was it Salt?) became the obligatory former badass girl celebrity turned reformed Born-Again (see also Prince’s ex-collaborator, Vanity).

4. Eric Foreman (or rather, Topher Grace as Eric Foreman) could play lead singer of REO Speedwagon should there be a biopic in the works before Topher Grace actually starts aging.

5. When you can’t play, but can rock… Spectacle rock bands like Kiss and Twisted Sister are living proof that it can literally pay to make at least one simple hit party tune. Because even if it is a stupid song (like “Cum On Feel the Noise”), it can be licensed up the ying yang, paying out in royalties long after the music career is over. Case in point: Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Because really, who can take Dee Snyder singing about being a rebellious bad ass when he’s wearing the makeup of a stand-in for Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? 80’s music, above all else, really highlights the birth of megalomanic consumer culture. (Duh!)

6. The Clash were dubbed the “only band that mattered” at one time. Or, to quote Vince Noir (who a similar comment about Human League): “Before them, everything else was just tuning up.” VH1 only seems to think there are two members of The Clash (Mick Jones and Joe Strummer are the only two they offered Where Are They Now info on), and even failed to mentioned the late Strummer’s work in film soundtracks, particularly collaborating on several films with cult British director, Alex Cox. Which, considering Strummer’s musical contributions to Sid & Nancy, is especially ironic given the rivalry between punk’s primitive Sex Pistols and the sophisticated Clash.

7. The rivalry among the Police: It’s old news that, despite the number of hits put out by the British trio The Police, the band was increasingly at odds. Guitarist Andy Summers and drummer Stuart Copeland both cite Sting’s ego as the major source of contention. In fact, in the 90s, VH1 had developed a celebrity version of music jeopardy that ran for about three episodes. Police guitarist Andy Summers appeared as a guest in the first episode and completely flubbed the Final Jeapordy question at the end purposefully as an opportunity to zing Sting’s ego. It was obviously a had-to-be-there moment.

8. Modern English was a little ticked that their publishing company sold the rights to their “I’ll Stop the World (and Melt With You)” to Burger King since the keyboardist was a vegan. Though, as lead singer Robbie Grey said, “…then again, it was $90 thousand dollars.”

9. Before breaking for commercials, this VH1 special featured pre-concert clips of mega band fans from the 80s. Research suggests that 90% of these fans were big-haired female residents of Northern New Jersey, which in turn correlates with the concentration of Aqua Net sales. I also enjoyed the clip of male heavy metal fans with equally massive bouffants expressing their love for the rebellious music, as illustrated in the hairstyles that might have prevented being employed in “a better job,” though the same research also suggests that hair wasn’t the only decisive factor.

10. Ol’ Whats-Er-Name… These idiots completely failed to mention that Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love” was originally a (well-done) R&B song performed by Gloria Jones on the Motown label in the late ’70s. Of course, they mentioned all those who did the song that came after Soft Cell… And okay, college rock superstars, R.E.M., made the list… but where the fuck are their Minnesota rivals, The Replacements?!

11. MTV owns VH1. Given specials run by both on the 80s, it’s hard to believe the corporation behind the original music channel now own so few licenses. It’s the only thing that can explain why the same handful of 100 songs are selected for these kind of filler shows. On a side note, MTV’s last great moment as a channel actually devoted to promoting music was in the late 90s when it aired (in full) the top 500 music videos over the course of several days. What a pity.

12. In his close-ups in the Wham! video “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” George Michael very closely resembles the retarded fruit vendor in Amelie.

13. Ever watch a music video of a song that you have loved for so long only to find out that the band is actually incredibly gay? I don’t mean homosexual, but rather, “ghhheyyyy” (to borrow Ed’s Shaun of the Dead pronunciation) meaning embarrassingly corny? The lead singer of British guitar band, The Cult, loved digging through Prince’s hand-me downs, searching for those frilly shirts and applying the artificial beauty mark. And while true, the catchphrase “gender-bending” has come to frequently define the decade’s music videos, it kept a decent 80s guitar band from gaining more respect. Their songs really weren’t party hits like working-class-esque Journey churned out, nor did they produce the kind of nonsense music that accommodated the theatrics of hair bands from that period. So in conclusion, the manufactured persona was more like a failed PR move. On a side note, Axel Rose’s high hair look in the “Welcome to the Jungle” video looks suspiciously modeled on Rebecca DeMornay’s club look scenes in Starships’s “Sara.”

14. How do you know when you’re watching a re-run countdown filler show about the 80s? The King [of Pop] isn’t dead yet.

15. Almost none of the bands featured in this filler countdown show disappeared. So while 80s fans might feel old for recognizing the songs their younger counterparts might not (or not be quite as obsessed with), the bands got even older. So, everybody wins! Also, I wonder if the guy featured in the clip of the die-hard Frankie Goes to Hollywood fan (dressed in the dark glasses, tux shirt and bowtie rather than the traditional “Frankie Says Relax” t-shirt) who claimed that the British pop sensation wasn’t just another short-lived fad (citing the Beatles as one example) still feels the same way? And more importantly, is still so dedicated so as to wear the same clothes.

16. If a band’s lead singer dies and they replace the lead singer via a contest held on television (INXS) or with members from other successful bands (Queen, Alice in Chains), they should consider writing new material as a new band. Otherwise, they’re more like a cover band.

17. Suzanna Hoffs of the Bangles married the director of Austin Powers. The VH1 special failed to mention Hoff’s own late 80s attempt at movies, particularly in the spectacularly awful Allnighter, which starred Hoffs and was written by her mother.

18. Osama Bin Laden is obsessed with Whitney Houston and once joked to his mistress that he’d kill Bobby Brown? No… no… I’m  not making it up. But are they?! I mean, this is the same world in which Michael Jackson is still living!

Today’s my 39th birthday.  I decided to celebrate by writing a story that fits into my ongoing All Things Truly Wicked series, this one drawing on my love of ’80s music, and tying that together with a story about sisters growing apart. I’m not satisfied with the ending, but am hoping to come up with a better resolution for my Minneapolis storytelling group, Storm Foools, meeting next Sunday. Here goes…

Music at Twelve

When I was twelve, I liked Dexys Midnight Runners. They’d just come out with the song “Come On Eileen” and the video to go along with it, which showed the curly-headed lead singer frolicking on stage in baggy overalls. There was something hobo-ish about him. In my memory, I see the lead singer sporting one of those brush-on five o’clock shadows that the kids in The Little Rascals used to mock up with charcoal when they were playing adult.

My memory could be wrong. The lead singer of Dexys Midnight Runners could’ve nurtured a real five o’clock shadow for the video shoot. Used it to be oh-so-Miami Vice before Miami Vice was even a glint in some TV producer’s eye. “Come On Eileen” climbed the charts in the spring of 1983. That was like two years after the big hoo-haw when MTV hit cable, and all my friends who had cable (meaning all the kids whose parents plunked down the monthly cable fee so their offspring could have something to watch with their chips and dip), started racing home from school to flip on the tube and see what new videos had hit the waves. Those were the days when Devo wore conical red hats and made like Indiana Jones with bullwhips, and Toni Basil sang “Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey” in a cheerleader’s outfit.

My parents were not among the enlightened cable-buying set. They absolutely refused to see reason in the argument my sister and I put to them that if we didn’t get cable—like now—we’d become pop cultural artifacts, aging hipsters among a middle school population that spoke Valley Girl and could rattle off the five members of Duran Duran in order of cuteness, the bassist Roger Taylor usually winning the contest. We were saying “cool” and “hep” when our MTV-watching friends were chiming “Like, gag me with a spoon” and “Bag your face.”

Michael Jackson wear—red leather “Beat It” jackets and loafers with white socks—had been ousted by baggy Boy George shirts that hung down to the knees and pouffy Simon LeBon hair. But how were we to know? Leah and I got our fashion news second-hand and late because our parents dragged their feet on, certainly, the most important decision of my young life: To MTV or not to MTV?

Parents don’t understand the politics of fashion, or the force of music on an adolescent. Music meant everything to me at twelve. It meant everything to my sister too. In 1983, Leah, a year my senior, started playing her rock loud. So loud that the wall separating our bedrooms vibrated like the skin of a drum—a drum played by a caveman equipped with petrified dinosaur bone drumsticks. As I lay in bed, my body throbbed with every beat. Leah had started the ’80s with pop-rock, but by the time I hit the end of my seventh grade year and she the end of her eighth grade year, she’d matured to heavy metal. The kind of music the kids in school we called “grits” listened to. Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Mötley Crüe. Bands with long hair, tight pants and low-slung guitars.

There was a guy that kept visiting my sister’s window. I called him Dracula because he always showed up at night after my parents had gone to bed. We lived in a rancher so it wasn’t hard for Dracula to rap on my sister’s window and say, “Hey, Leah, it’s me.” I knew the Dracula legend; vampires can’t come in unless you invite them. Leah never invited him into her room. Instead, she crawled out the window and then didn’t come back till the sky turned pink.

I never slept those nights. I couldn’t, not with my only sister in the world roaming the countryside with a grit whose dark hair was the color of bad dreams, his lips the red of lost innocence. I call Dracula a grit, but really he was a redneck. Grits were kids in school. Rednecks were grown-up grits. Dracula was a grown up. At least old enough to be in high school, and probably out of it as far as I could tell in the dark. I used to peek around my blinds to get a look at him. One time he caught me looking. “Ew, boy, better watch out. There’s yer watchdog, Leah,” Dracula said. “Whatcha doin’, watchdog?”

“Don’t tell Mom and Dad I’m going out,” Leah said, suddenly alert to my presence.

“Where ya going?” I asked.

“Just out. Don’t tell Mom and Dad, okay? For me?”

Leah was my older sister. On the border of thirteen and fourteen in 1983. A year and six days older than I was. Almost my twin, except we were so different. But the differences had never seemed to matter before. Not when we were three and four and used to wake well before dawn to catch old movies on TV and pour mounds of sugar on our Cheerios. Not when we swam the tide pools in Maine, and I was nearly swept to sea by an undertow; or raced the beach on Chincoteague Island the day after a storm had split the beach with deep fissures. Not when she let me sleep with her because the evil things I’d read about in Stephen King books had invaded my closet. Those nights, she’d ask me to tickle her back until she fell asleep, and I would. I’d do anything for my sister.

“I won’t tell them,” I said to Leah, who was carefully fitting the screen back in her window—just in case Mom and Dad decided to do a perimeter walk in their sleep and notice the missing screen.

“That’s cool,” said Leah. Not a “You’re the best sister in the world” or “Hey, maybe we can hang out sometime.” Just a “That’s cool.” She was mixing with adults now. She had to check her enthusiasm so as not to appear too juvenile in front of Dracula, who barked at me as he turned from the window and then escorted my sister through the pine trees and across the Blackburns’ field. I stood at the window, looking after my sister until she vanished from sight.

I never slept those nights. That’s when I really started to love music. I’d flip on the radio and everything would set to rights. Instead of imagining my sister dredged lifeless from the Patapsco River, I’d listen to Billy Idol growl, “Hey, little sister, what have you done?” or the Go-Go’s sounding all summery and carefree with “Our Lips Are Sealed.” My MTV-watching friends had described the video for “Our Lips Are Sealed.” Or maybe it was “We Got the Beat.” Both singles came out about the same time. In the video, the Go-Go’s drive a convertible with the top down, their hair flipping in the breeze. I don’t know if I’m making this up but in the video the streets are lined with palm trees. Anyway, I pictured palm trees as Belinda Carlisle sang, “Pay no mind to what they say/ It doesn’t matter anway/ Our lips are sealed…”

The songs kept me company. “Always Something There to Remind Me” by Naked Eyes. “Down Under” by Men at Work. “Only the Lonely” by the Motels. “She Blinded Me With Science” by Thomas Dolby. So many. But the song I remember most is “Every Breath You Take” by the Police. I’ve tried to research the song on the Internet, pin down the exact date when the song hit number one and how long it stayed in the charts. The Internet wasn’t around in the ’80s. If you wanted to learn about a song or group, you bought magazines—Rolling Stone, Creem and Tiger Beat—listened to FM radio or flipped on MTV.

MTV was great because you got an image to go with the song and the band name. I didn’t have MTV, thanks to my Stone Age parents, who also refused to give into my call for sugary cereals and Twinkies in the pantry. If a food couldn’t be grown or processed from a live animal, my parents didn’t want to know about it. Because I was first introduced to the Police through radio, I didn’t know what the song looked like when translated into video. All I had was the music, and the music—I don’t know how to explain it, but “Every Breath You Take” spoke about something I at twelve didn’t yet have the awareness to explain or talk about: betrayal, loss, honest-to-God depression.

“Every Breath You Take” came out in June of 1983. By that time, I was spending more time in bed, even when the sun was up. In the last weeks of school, I clomped off the bus and headed straight to bed, only mustering myself when I had homework or Mom succeeded in breaking down my door with requests that I appear at dinner. Dinner had become a stilted affair. It was June so Dad had broken out the fly swatter. He passed the meal smacking dead insects into our food.

“Cut that out,” Mom complained, but the swatter kept swatting, so she turned her scrutiny on my sister. Why was Leah wearing so much makeup? And why wasn’t she hanging out with her friends anymore? Didn’t Leah know Bethany had called three times the other day? She wouldn’t have any friends if she kept this up. So moody too. What’s with the moods? And why was she always so tired?

I forked the romaine lettuce salad Mom had put together from the garden, and thought about music. The Police had an album out. It was called Synchronicity. The night DJ had said Sting, the lead singer, had written the songs after his divorce. One of the album cuts was called “King of Pain.” Another was “Tea in the Sahara” about sisters camped in the desert, waiting to have tea with a man. “But he’d never return/ so the sisters would burn/ as their eyes searched the land/ their cups still full of sand.” The lyrics scrolled through my mind.

Eventually, the table talk would dry up and Mom would give Leah permission to leave. Then with my sister’s chair empty, Mom would lean over, “What’s going on with Leah?”

I’d hunch a shoulder.

“Don’t do that,” Mom would say. “I asked you a question. I expect an answer. John, would you stop swatting flies? That just landed in my water. Now I can’t drink my water.”

Dad would holster the swatter until the next winged insect buzzed into view.

“What’s Leah up to? Is she drinking?” Mom would pursue her line of questioning until I gave in.

Finally, I’d say, “How would I know? Leah doesn’t talk to me anymore.”

That was true enough. Leah didn’t talk to me anymore, which created an odd chasm in our relationship, like the fissures that had run down the beach on Chincoteague Island. All the things we didn’t talk about. Dracula. The hours that elapsed between her climbing out her window at night and crawling home in the morning. The fights with our parents. Sometimes fists came out. I’d stand up for my sister, and then I’d been the one wrestling my father to the linoleum floor, while Leah waited on the sidelines laughing. Her laughter didn’t make sense. Her moods in general didn’t make sense. Nothing about her did anymore, and she didn’t offer explanations.

But I had my music. I’d seen the video for “Every Breath You Take.” One of my friends had invited me to her house. We watched MTV until the video came on, and I saw the Police—Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland. Sting was beautiful in the way men are beautiful and boys never are. I bought all the magazines and put his picture on my wall. When I didn’t have enough money for magazines, I ripped out the pages I wanted and put those on my wall. In September, Mom bought me the cassette tape of Synchronicity for my thirteenth birthday. I didn’t have to listen to the radio anymore. I just clicked in the cassette and hit play. I played the tape over and over. All through the next school year, when my friends were talking about other bands and other songs: The Romantics “Talking In Your Sleep”, Yes “Owner of a Lonely Heart”, Wang Chung “Dance Hall Days”, Prince “When Doves Cry.”

I started spending more time with my friends. That was after my parents found out about Dracula and the late night outings. They tried to nail my sister’s screen to the window frame. She just bust through it. They made her sleep with her door unlocked. They performed bed checks. Once, Leah got me to sleep in her bed, throw the covers over my head. Mom figured out the ruse, and I had to spend the night in the fields hiding from my father, who wanted to swat me like he swatted the flies.

My parents weren’t bad people; they just didn’t understand teens. The next four years would be like something out of a Twisted Sister video. Crazy long-haired guys. Joints. Busted parties. Parents square as horn-rimmed glasses and poodle skirts. And me with my music cranked loud enough to keep the noise out. I never asked for MTV again. Who needed it? I had stereo sound.

***

Another dose of the ACLF stereo, which has just about something for everyone. Kicking off with gritty, driving funk from The Dynamites – who incidentally have a new album about to hit a half decent record shop near you. If such emporiums still exist that is. Follow that up with some smooth bluesy soul from Missy Andersen.

Been revisiting the old stuff and Jake Burns track is one that has been getting some rotation. Stiff Little Fingers split originally in ‘82 following a less than well-received album, “Now Then” which was pretty indifferent. The Big Wheel release gives an indication of the path that might have been trodden. Like Mick Jones, Burns had an eye for a catchy pop tune mixed with some decent power. More of that stuff continues with The Chords and their offspring, The Rifles.

The Postmarks crept onto my radar, as usual I’m a tad behind everyone else, a very good mix of Camera Obscura and The Shadow Puppets. I recall sometime ago coming across Caravan and it being pretty much was hit or miss. But it did open up groups such as Dr. Dog and in this instance, Mariage Blanc. The retro theme continues with Friendly Fires, St. Albans favourite A Certain Ratio revivalists.

The final grouping are a strong hint of 80s soul driven pop. It still rankles with me that Kevin Rowlands stopped looking for the Young Soul Rebels because, let’s be honest, pretty much everything Dexy’s have done since has been a pale imitation of a fantastic debut album. A role model for Oasis perchance? Big Sound Authority and The Faith Brothers were two of my favourite bands of that era, the latter a great live act.

Nostalgia sandwich anyone?

You can download the mix here.

1. The Dynamites – Bodysnatcher
   - Taken from the album, Kaboom!
2. Missy Andersen – Ace Of Spades
   - Taken from the album, “Missy Andersen“
3. Jake Burns & The Big Wheel – She Grew Up
   - Taken from the album, “Fortune Street“
4. The Postmarks – No One Said This Would Be Easy
   - Taken from the album, Memoirs at the End of the World
5. The Chords – Something’s Missing
   - Taken from the album, “This Is What They Want“
6. Mariage Blanc – Marquee
   - Taken from the EP, “Broken Record“
7. The Rifles – Romeo and Julie
   - Taken from the album, Great Escape
8. Friendly Fires – Paris
   - Taken from the album, Friendly Fires
9. The Pale Fountains – (Don’t Let Your Love) Start A War
   - Taken from the album, Pacific Street
10. The Faith Brothers – Sunday (Rebel Soul)
    - Taken from the album, “Eventide“
11. Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Seven Days Too Long
    -Taken from the album, Searching for the Young Soul Rebels
12. The Big Sound Authority – This House (Is Where Your Love Stands)
    - Taken from the album, “An Inward Revolution

Seriously.  Who can hear this song and NOT dance to it!?  (that’s  rhetorical question; maybe just me)

The link… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO6YynRRrBo

Hade varit och inhandlat en tunnare sommarhuvudbonad när jag på gågatan stötte ihop med Ystads främste sångpoet som glodde på min nya keps och sa: ”Den var snygg den. Kanske ska köpa nåt liknande jag också?” Då tittade jag på hans keps, modell bensinstation, och sa: ”Ja, den där kan du inte ha längre. Du är väl rockmusiker, va?”

På mitt huvud sitter en rockakeps, före detta gubbakeps. (Eller, på rikssvenska, rock- respektive gubbkeps.)

Exempel på gubb/rockkepsar.

Alltså en sån där keps som förut bars av äldre män på landsbygden, ni vet man var ute och körde och hamnade bakom en annan bil som körde sååå långsamt och mitt i vägen så man inte kunde köra om. När man tittade på föraren… jovisst, en kepsagubbe.

Exakt när förvandlingen från gubb- till rockkeps inleddes vet jag inte. Det har gått långsamt men säkert. På nätet kan man se att år 2005 började trendkänsliga yngre svenska män att diskutera för och emot gubbkepsar.

I fjol var det allt fler som bar gubbkeps och i våras rullade lavinen igång, först bland Södermalms bohemer i Stockholm (enligt en något osäker källa) och i somras sågs gubbakepsen också på Malmös gator. Inte minst på rockmusikerhuven: Håkan Hellström, Markus Krunegård, Nikke Borg (Backyard Babies), Plura, Thåström och även dansken Kim Larsen är några som jag sett i före detta gubb-, numera rockkeps.  

Fast minsann har jag också lagt märke till att yngre journalister, typ Eskil Fagerström i Sydsvenskan och jag själv (yngre? Eriksson? muttrar redaktör Dahlström) iklätt sig gubbkeps för att läsekretsen ska veta att vi är både me´t och på´t och inne och coola och…  

Hur uppstod det nya kepsmodet? På gatan, det kan man nog slå fast, att det är ett gatumode. Fast också moderna modeskapare har börjat designa kepsar: äldre fabrikörer som Stetson och Borsalino får nu konkurrens av Lacoste, Ralph Lauren, Dolce & Gabbana och svenska H&M.

Jag rådfrågade några rock- och modekunniga bekanta som svarade att historiskt började det i England redan 1571, då en lag stiftades om att alla män över sex år måste bära ”flat cap” på söndagarna. Och en yllekeps skulle det vara, syftet var att få igång ylletillverkningen.

I modern tid har den amerikanske hiphopparen LL Cool J burit gubbkepsar sen 80-talet och bland engelska rockmusiker med arbetarkeps (ett annat namn på den engelska kepsen) finns Kewin Rowland (Dexys Midnight Runners) och Pete Doherty. Och, kan jag tillägga, musikerna i rocksångaren Gene Vincents band, som ju hette The Blue Caps, hade kepsar så trendtidigt som på 50-talet. 

Här i Sverige ska vi inte heller glömma Snoddaskepsens betydelse. Snoddas Nordgren, bandyspelare och artist, introducerade kepsen som länge var lika självklar som portföljen bland publiken på bandyläktaren.  

Plura i gubb-, rock- och kockkeps på sin kokbok.

Konserttips: Proggbandet Träd, Gräs & Stenar besöker Hammenhög den 19 september. Sommaren spelas ut och dan efter konserten är det höst. Kanske har också de gamla proggrockarna tjackat in sig på gubbakepsar? 

(Krönika i Ystads Allehanda 2009)

PS. Ystads främste sångpoet heter förstås Michael Saxell!

A Different Story (25 pop songs 1977-84).  Home made compilation CD.

1. The Jam – When You’re Young
2. Girls At Our Best! – Getting Nowhere Fast
3. Vic Godard & Subway Sect – Split Up The Money
4. Jed Dmochowski – Sha La La
5. The Times – Red With Purple Flashes
6. The Direct Hits – Modesty Blaise
7. The Jasmine Minks – Work For Nothing
8. The Hawks – Words Of Hope
9. Television Personalities – A Sense Of Belonging
10. The Laughing Apple – Participate
11. The Jasmine Minks – Think!
12. The Undertones – Teenage Kicks
13. Subway Sect – Different Story
14. Dexys Midnight Runners – Dance Stance
15. Buzzcocks – Promises
16. Swell Maps – Read About Seymour
17. Steve Treatment – Change Of Plans
18. The Tronics – Alive And Loving
19. The June Brides – Every Conversation
20. Josef K – Sorry For Laughing
21. Fire Engines – Candyskin
22. The Go-Betweens – People Say
23. Young Marble Giants – Final Day
24. Microdisney – Helicopter Of The Holy Ghost
25. Wire – Outdoor Miner

Last time on our US road trip, we left Pittsburgh. From there, one might travel in any direction to reach places of interest to our purposes. I do think it is time we come to the capital.

* * *

Washington, D.C.

I note Marion Berry, the four-term mayor of Washington DC was arrested again this month, this time for stalking a girlfriend. No matter what Berry’s accomplishments as a mayor and councillor, how on earth does that man still enjoy the credibility to be re-elected? How does the electorate of Washington arrive at the conclusion that a crackhead with the powers of judgment of a lemming is best qualified to govern their affairs? This is a man who delivers pearls of wisdom like, “The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist” or “The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice”? It’s like the great American public electing a former drug abuser with no brains to the presidency. Which, of course, could never happen (and, yes, I can hear you whisper the name Zuma). Chris Rock perhaps nailed it when he said about Barry’s re-election as mayor after i his crack conviction: “How did that happen? Smoked crack, got his job back! What was the other guy on heroin?”
Parliament – Chocolate City.mp3
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Baltimore, Maryland.mp3

Well, I sold my pick-up truck to take my woman where she used to be. We left our friends and Marion Barry back there in Washington. And I bought those one way tickets she had often begged me for, and they took us to the streets of Baltimore. Well, her heart was filled with gladness when she saw those city lights. She said: “The prettiest place on earth is Baltimore at night.” But I soon learned she loved those bright lights more than she loved me. Now I’m a going back on that same train that brought me here before while my baby walks the streets of Baltimore. On second thought, fuck it, let’s go to Philadelphia.
Gram Parsons – Streets Of Baltimore.mp3
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Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

To people who grew up in the ’90s, Philadelphia may be a movie about AIDS discrimination starring two insufferably smug, overrated actors. Or the hometown of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. To me, it evokes the sunny sounds of ’70s soul. The Philly sound. The O’Jays. The Three Degrees. The Delfonics. Billy Paul. Jean Carn. Blue Magic. Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes. The Intruders. The Trammps. Lou Rawls singing Lady Love. SalSoul and Gamble & Huff’s PIR.
M.F.S.B. – T.S.O.P. (The Sound Of Philadelphia).mp3
Dexys Midnight Runners – T.S.O.P.mp3

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Previously on American Road Trip

just realised that this year delivered some fantastic music…

Rock the Casbah – Rachid Taha

Devils Haircut – Beck

Reverend Black Grape – Black Grape

Geno – Dexy’s Midnight Runners

No, No, No – Dawn Penn

The Corner (Ft. the Last Poets and Kanye West) – Common

The Seed (2.0) – the Roots

Friction – Television

My Generation – the Who

River Deep, Mountain High – the Saints

Lust for Life – Iggy Pop

Shake Your Rump – Beastie Boys

Say No Go (New Keys Vocal) – De La Soul

Old School Rules (Ft. Talib Kweli) – Dangerdoom

Movin’ On Up – Primal Scream

Good Vibrations – Beach Boys

Suburbs With You (Peel Session) – Herman Dune

the Purple Bottle – Animal Collective

The Blue Ox Babes was a project by KevinArcher, a key architect to Dexy’sMidnight Runners. My exposure to their music was extremely  minimal. Just a couple of listens to a 7 inch single the illustrious Mr. Liquor had borrowed from his then current paramour. Sadly he split up with her before I was able to tape it.  Needless to say I was ecstatic to see them finally release their material with the apples and oranges album. It is available on e-music as well as a complimentary digital only ep. The singing is very limited, but they created a great sound. So great that, as Kevin Rowland admitted years later, Dexy’s appropriated for their Celtic Soul Brothers period.  When Archer played a demo of “There’s No Deceiving You”, it’s intro pretty well ended up as the opening to “C’mon Eileen”. Rowland also stole the Babe’s fiddle player, Helen O’Hara as well.

Apples and Oranges

…and for all you fans of overhauls:

OK. For all you aggrieved Elkie Brooks fans, this series is supposed to be a light-hearted look at the sort of record that show up cheap in charity stores. It is my own personal opinion – or rather, mine and co-author Jamie Sellers’s – nothing more, nothing less. Now, let’s have no slighted Tamla Motown 70s fans writing in…

JIMMY RUFFIN
Greatest Hits
(Tamla Motown, 1970)
“It’s a sunny day, and Jimmy is deep in thought, with his light Afro, neatly coiffeured beard and blue-tinted shades. “What becomes of the broken hearted,” he muses to himself, trying to avoid the obvious toilet humour, “who hath love that has now departed?” What sort of English is hath? American English? Jive English?  In truth, Jimmy (Temptation David’s bro) is one of the Detroit hit stable’s less impressive solo stars. The aforementioned tune aside, his hits collection isn’t exactly heaving with bonafide pop soul classics, and his smooth baritone isn’t enough alone to keep you jiggin’, or neckin’ or whatever it is you young things do. Incidentally, three points of interest about Mr Ruffin: he’s released eight albums on Motown and two on Polydor, according to the all reliable All Music Guide, his 1980 comeback hit “Hold On To My Love” was produced by a Bee Gee, and his high-pitched “I’ll Say Forever My Love” was later reprised by Kevin Rowland on his masterwork, Don’t Stand Me Down. Did we say points of interest? Sorry, we lied. This album becomes a bit of a bore after about 10 minutes, sad to tell.
Cost £2.49, bargain value 2, inner sleeve 0

May 2008 T.M.I. blog post.

It shouldn’t matter but it does – band members looking like they’ve just been assaulted, and hurled in a cellar – trilbys at an angle mistakenly identified as ‘rakish’ or letting their skintights sag, topped with a New Era and token Westwood piece is the new nondescript. This isn’t a call for all groups to give themselves an extreme brand identity like Devo or The Residents but the visual oomph has been sapped by the fresh tide of aspiring new wave, dammit. Where’s the risk-takers?

And here, it’s worth crudely welding a tribute to Kevin Rowland, seeing as mad kids jacked his vocal style lately. Forget the peak of his fearlessness where he cross-dressed and covered ‘The Greatest Love Of All’ if you like, but you can’t front on the Dexy’s mark one longshoreman meets Mean Streets denim, leather and woolen hat ensemble that indicated a preoccupation with well-constructed Americana before men on forums talked about selvedge as if it cured cancer and held the cure to all life’s secrets. Dexy’s also knew the purity of the plain white tee and marl athletic wear too, in line with their unadulterated, unspoilt intensity.

In all honesty, it’s impossible to contend with this fine blog entry elsewhere that annihilates 99 percent of fashion-specific blogging, including some fresh insights from Mr Rowland.

Beyond these aesthetics was the tightly structured and ultra-disciplined performance, and sing-song that never bowed to any vocal limitations, giving Chuck Wood’s ‘7 Days (Is) Too Long’ a deadpan reworking, complete with Wolverhampton twang to the opening plea hit hard without any try-hard soul boy cloning.

Moodily following a Zappa-esque path of ditching each successful formula in favour of a new look and sound meant Romany styling around the time of a succesful wedding reception standard, it’s look number 5 that gets the heaviest props over here – the Brooks Brothers/Ivy League era, continuing the same lineage of obsessing over sartorial American details, but smartening up to an extreme – not a million miles away from the current shift from high fiving over Annabel Chong-style aesthetically displeasing multiple brand gangbangs over an XL Gildan to pretending to like Monocle and Fantastic Man.

Seeing as it was 1985, they didn’t get praise – they just got accused of looking like double glazing salespeople. The little details were ignored. Cloned conservative looks were on the way. Kevin’s unwillingness to release singles from ‘Don’t Stand Me Down’ is deeply admirable, especially in today’s era where two albums qualifies for an seasonal ‘The Best Of…’ but probably financial ruinous. You’ve got to give that kind of purity and vision a nod though – especially with a record like ‘This Is What She’s Like.’

Melding Irish folk instrumentation with a high-concept call and response theme, a vocal performance that incorporates a yodelling howl of self-expression and a mid-song spoken word section that rivals Ghost and Jada’s shirt removing male bonding for quotability:

“Bill, you know the newly wealthy peasants Y’know with their home bars, y’know and the hi-fis and all that stuff? Well you know how they use words like ‘fabulous’ and ’super’ in each sentence they spit out? Well I don’t really like these scumbags.”

It sure beats a three minute spiky indie exercise or an Alexa Chung DJ set. Just managing to include such bile into a song of total love, by breaking down everything that his girlfriend isn’t, is an innovative touch that pays dividends. Paired with the snappy outfits and commanding knowledge of how important a group uniform can be, this should have set standards but just remains mired in cultdom. Even on their recent comeback, the new look was themed on Pinky and company in ‘Brighton Rock’. Forget us mere peasants – Like Kevin and company, musicians still have a duty to look fucking brilliant.

“Come On Eileen” has been on a loop in my head for the past three days.

Thank you Dexy’s Midnight Runners for making such a catchy song AND video.  Today I bought some overalls, wore shoes without socks, and lip-synched “Come On Eileen” in the mirror AND did that little jig Kevin Rowland does in the video.

Don’t judge me!

Here is Episode 17 of the ever-popular Friends of the Stars Podcasts. This one is called “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Robson” and continues in the fine tradition of it’s predecessors containing as it does lots of great tunes and two blokes swearing
at each other. If it ain’t fucking broke, and all that…

This Episode finds Executive Producer Robson and Craig discussing the process of Podcasting, Submarines and submariners during World War 2, before demonstrating, live on air, the effects of caffiene and sugar on Robson’s brain. Later, they engage in the dumbest audio-based broadcast game of skill since Dave Lee Travis introduced darts to the radio.

Dexys Midnight Runners – Show Me
The Bee Gees – Marley Purt Drive
The Beastie Boys – Jimmy James
Dennis Wilson – Cocktails
The Jackson 5 – Sugar Daddy
World of Fox – Rules of Engagement
Snoop Doggy Dogg – Drop It Like It’s Hot
Friends of the Stars – Wagons (Rough Mix, Instrumental)

DOWNLOAD – FOTS-POD#17 – Things To Do In Denver When You’re Robson

El canal de música VH1  difundió en Latinoamérica por varias semanas la serie “Los  100  más grandiosos one hit wonders de los 80″ donde  se mostraron a bandas o cantantes que sólo gozaron de la fama de una canción en las listas de popularidad Estados Unidos,  aunque algunos continuaron siendo famosos en sus países de origen.

Actualmente cuando se habla de una agrupación que sólo tuvo un hit,  se le identifica con el sello del fracaso por no lograr más en la industria musical, sin embargo al conocer la dificultad de mantener un prestigio por cuestiones de creatividad o incluso de negocio, esta percepción debería cambiar, ya que no es fácil hacer un sencillo y menos aún que sobreviva al paso del tiempo, y que además marquen una época, en este caso los 80’s.

En Inquisidor71  sólo escogimos los 20 primeros de la lista de VH1, aunque no todos fueron temas importantes en México u otras partes de Latinoamérica. Esta es la lista:

20.- Rockwell – “Somebody’s watching me”. Esta canción de este intérprete de color llegó en el momento en que Michael Jackson estaba comenzando su dominio mundial, así que escuchar sus coros en ese tema fue un gran apoyo para este cantante.

19.- Dead or Alive – “You Spin me round (Like a record)”. En Inglaterra no sólo estaba la drag queen de  Boy George, también estaba  Pete Burns de Dead or Alive, que a ritmo de high energy lanzó una exitosa canción para las discotecas ochenteras, mostrando que era todo un genio de la música bailable. Actualmente este cantante en Inglaterra es más conocido por su cambio de imagen femenina con puro bisturí.

18. Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock – “It takes two”. Este tema no nos dice mucho en Latinoamérica, pero en Estados Unidos es un clásico de la música negra, antes del hip-hop, y es un cover de Lyn Collins de su tema  “Think (about it)”. En este blog se los cambiamos por “Words” del francés F.R David que en la radio de los 80’s en México fue una bomba, la pasaban interminablemente, y en Europa también tuvo un gran éxito.

17.- Men Without Hats – “The safety dance”. Este tema y su video puede considerarse como bizarro, debido a que se realiza en una supuesta feria medieval, pero con sonido de sintetizadores que en ese tiempo fue la pura vanguardia.

16.-  Nena – “99 Luftballons”. Esta banda alemana irrumpió con su tema en todo el mundo, en Estados Unidos gustó su versión original y no la del idioma inglés que realizaron para ese mercado, aunque en México la canción en ambos idiomas gustó de la misma forma.

15.- Devo – “Whip it”. Todos pensaban que esta banda de tecno-rock podría dar más sencillos, ya que “Whip it” era realmente una joya en las listas de popularidad, pero seguramente las regalías que lograron con este tema aún deben mantener perfectamente sus cuentas bancarias.

14.-  Big Country – “In a big country”. La primera vez que vi a Big Country fue en los Grammy  -no recuerdo el año- pero fue cuando también Culture Club fue premiado. Me gustó mucho su canción con adornos escoceses, de esa región británica eran originarios.  Su vocalista Stuard Adamson se suicidó a los 43 años de edad, tras varios años de luchar contra el alcoholismo.

13. Thomas Dolby – “She blinded me with science” . En los 80’s Dolby era visto como el nuevo David Bowie, no tanto por su imagen sino por el ingenio que mostraba en sus canciones. Aunque este tema lo catapultó en las listas, la realidad es que tenía más material interesante, pero declinó en seguir el camino de Depeche Mode, uno de sus contemporáneos.

Sin embargo, Thomas Dolby es el creador de la tecnología del ringtone, que es usado actualmente en 50 por ciento de los teléfonos móviles del mundo. Sin duda siempre tuvieron razón los críticos que lo catalogaban como un nuevo genio de la música.

12.-  Animotion – “Obsession”. Seré sincero, nunca supe cómo eran los Animotion hasta ver este programa. En los 80’s en México para un chico de clase baja era muy difícil tener acceso a MTV, los únicos videos que se veían eran los que presentaba la televisión abierta, y eran poco los espacios, pero yo los veía todos. A esta banda nunca la encontré en el televisor por casualidad, pero su canción sí sonaba mucho en las estaciones FM.

11.- Gary Numan -” Cars”.  Numan es visto como una gran influencia para muchas bandas electrónicas por este gran tema innovador para su época. A finales de los 90’s Fear Factory hizo un cover de este tema y en los coros tuvo a su mismísimo creador.

10.- Frankie goes to hollywood -  “Relax”. Todo mundo en los 80’s usó las camisetas que decían “Frankie say Relax”, aunque nadie tenía idea de a qué se refería. El tema fue censurado por la BBC  en Inglaterra y en Estados Unidos fue todo un suceso, además es un tema emblemático de la comunidad gay. 

9.- Kajagoogoo – “Too Shy”.  Los Kajagoogoo nunca me agradaron mucho, “Too shy” se me hacía una canción con un precoro muy bueno, pero lo demás nunca me sorprendió, sin embargo para el mundo fue una joya del pop. 

8.- Bow Wow Wow – “I want candy” . Esta canción es un clásico en Estados Unidos pero en México no lo es, lo único rescatable es que esta banda fue otro descubrimiento de Malcom McLaren, el ex manager de los Sex Pistols.  Les cambió esta canción por el tema de los ingleses Katrina and the waves, “Walking on Sunshine” que no fue incluido en la lista de los 100 Hit Wonders, se les fue o hubo problemas con los derechos de pasar la canción en televisión, es un misterio.

7.- Modern English – “I melt with you”. Este tema era un clásico de aquella estación FM Rock 101, ya que otras radiodifusoras no la pasaban, porque era considerada muy new wave, y no todo el público era fan de ese estilo. En Estados Unidos fue y sigue siendo un himno.

6.- Toni Basil – “Mickey”. Al principio podría parecer una canción ridícula, pero fue de los primeros temas que tuvo un video constante y sonante y eso la ayudó mucho a posicionarse a nivel mundial como número uno. En México no fue la excepción.

 5.- Soft Cell – “Tainted Love” . En 1981 el dueto liderado por Marc Almond hizo uno de los mejores covers de la historia, al darle un giro al tema de Gloria Jones de 1964 para convertirlo en una potente canción pop con una excelente calidad musical. A Soft Cell no se le puede considerar ser una agrupación de Hit Wonders, porque tuvieron más temas en las listas de su país, Inglaterra. 

4.- Tommy Tutone - ”867-5309 Jenny” . Este tema pudo haberlo escrito Bruce Springsteen, porque era una canción de formato puramente americano. El número telefónico que titula la canción lo tenía casualmente un DJ en Nueva Jersey, quien lo subastó por Ebay en febrero 2009 a un precio récord de 186, 853.09 dólares.

3.-  A- Ha – “Take on me”. Quizás sea la mejor canción hit wonder de los ochentas,  aunque VH1 la colocó en el número tres, y además también puede ser el mejor video de todos los tiempos, porque ha logrado trascender el paso del tiempo y las nuevas tecnologías. A-Ha sigue siendo muy famoso en Noruega, su lugar de origen,  y en México también se escucharon más sencillos de ellos, incluso llegaron a ser un acto estelar en el Rock in Rio en Brasil.

2.-  A Flock of  Seagulls –  ”I ran (So far away)”. Este tema es new wave puro, es prácticamente la esencia de ese movimiento que inundó el mundo del rock en los años 80’s. Y aunque el peinado del cantante es lo más ridículo y extravagante que he visto en mi vida, la forma de tocar  la guitarra en ese tema es una lección de como mezclar tus efectos y una forma sencilla de ejecutar una canción para oírte muy sofisticado.  

1.-  Dexys Midnight Runners – “Come on Eileen”. En  1982 me llamó mucho la atención esta canción de esta banda irlandesa, que se vestían con overoles de mezclilla, y que a pesar de que tenían un estilo muy folclórico, entró curiosamente en la categoría del new wave. VH1 la puso en el número uno, yo la hubiera dejado en un 20.

Nota: Increíblemente los videos de “Take on me” y “Mickey” de A-Ha y Toni Basil, respectivamente, no se encuentran en Youtube, aunque están en otras plataformas como Dailymotion, pero wordpress ya no los lee. Ni modo, puse algunas actuaciones alternativas de estos intérpretes.