Bah.  I had some good days fishing, I had some not-so-good.

I won’t get into all the cast-by-cast hoopla…. 

I caught some small “kid-sized” smallmouth in a region of PA that all the anglers lament that small classes of bass don’t exsist.  Well… bullshit.  I caught more 4 to 8 inch bass then I could shake a stick at.  The YOY exsist!  Period.  Just not in those big ass impoundments on the river where you need a $50,000 bass boat just to “look cool”.  Fuck that.  Here’s the proof bitches:

I caught shit-tons of these… SHIT-TONS. So many little bass. I went for some serious quarry… CARP!

Yep.  Carp.  You all know I’ve hit that shit before down in “Amish-Land”.  These brutes actually live in spring creeks that are only like 3 foot wide down here.  Look at the size of this Pig mirror-carp:

What a FAT-ASS!! It went 10+ pounds. Not inches… POUNDS! On my 8 weight. Suck it!

It took about 20 minutes to land this bitch.  No lie!  I didn’t have a net.  I waded in and bear-hugged that bitch to the shore.  (Muck up to my ass too)  Thus so far… this carp is my personal best on the fly rod.

In other news…  Bass N’ Bourbon in 3 weeks!!  Now how fucking stellar is that?  Who’s in?

Mill Creek, Lancaster County, chunky smallmouth bass!

So, as you can see, for a short time the Senior Leadership of the DFP will be in a flux.  I’ll be in the Southern Part of Pennsylvania.  This means I’ve been pulled away from a few of my projects, the DFP blog being one.  Plus, our “Godfather” will be sitting about a sandy section of some forgotten beach down in the sunny South.  There will be a void of DFP leadership down in the “Enchanted Land of DonnyBeav”.  It’s my job as “#2″ to fill the gap with JM’s absence.  Somebody has to keep DonnyBeav in check.

So while JM is “out of service”…. and I’m on “the stand-by-mutual-aid agreement for JM” in SC PA.  This leaves the whole NC PA wide open for “invasion“.  There needs to be an assumption of command for the DFP!   So, I’m making a decree:

It’s up to Anokpeas to “hold the fort” down. 

Holy shit…  may God help us all.  I think he will be drunk with power. 

(By the way…  it was Jonah’s birthday yesterday.) 

The big three strikes, three-ought, #3/0, 30! 

A gift?  Why yes.  I think there was a gift….

I think I just threw-up a little in my mouth… yuck.

(Who send him that male stripper-gram?? He said he really liked the stripper’s “tool-box”.  Whatever that means?)

I do have an alternative agenda:  These brutes will be on my “hit list”.

I did well with the hybrid carp/koi last year, catching at least 4 of them.  I’m gonna try my luck again.  This time I’ll be letting my minions have a crack at ‘em.  Can you imagen Bubby pulling in a 10 pound carp?  Yeah, this is gonna be good!  I’ll try and keep ya posted on how I do on the JJ’s Jigs Facebook page.  See ya guys in a week!

- Dpiscator

]]> http://dirtbagflyfishing.com/2012/05/18/dfp-on-the-cheap-7/ Fri, 18 May 2012 14:32:14 +0000 jjsjigs1 http://dirtbagflyfishing.com/2012/05/18/dfp-on-the-cheap-7/ Welcome to the latest addition of Dirtbag Flyfishing Posse: On The Cheap!  We strive to bring you money-saving ideas in flyfishing and flytying, great tips, techniques, and sarcasm information to make your day on the water (or vise) plain old EPIC!  Today’s installment deals with flyfishing leaders.  Not just any old leader, but Christopher Fave Flyfishing Leaders!

For dirtbaggers who want the very finest craftsmanship, each leader is hand tied with a stiff butt of hard nylon, a medium-stiff midsection and a strong tippet for perfect presentation. For ultra accurate presentation there is nothing like a Christopher Fave Flyfishing leader!

They come in a variety of sizes and for different styles of fishing.

I’ve personally used the following:

Maxima Dry Fly Leader

This leader is available in lengths of 7.5′, 9′, 10′, and 12′  in tippet sizes of 0x-7x. Butt section is 25lb maxima chameleon (40lb for 0x/1x) tapered down to the last three sections of maxima ultragreen, including the tippet. Tippet lengths for 7.5′ and 9′-24″; 10′, 12′-28″. You will not find a better leader anywhere. Superior presentation, durability and turnover. 0x-10lb, 1x-8lb, 2x-6lb, 3x-5lb, 4x-4lb, 5x-3lb, 6x-2lb, 7x-1lb

Hi-Viz Nymphing Leader

This leader is available in lengths of 7.5′, 9′, 10′  and 12′ in tippets of 0x-6x. Butt sections begins with 25lb red amnesia and is tapered down to a mid and 24″(28″ on 10/12′)  tippet of maxima ultragreen. Basic nymphing leader with the red butt for high visibility and strike detection. Doubles as a bass leader for fishing large nymphs, crawfish and streamers.  0x-10lb, 1x-8lb, 2x-6lb, 3x-5lb, 4x-4lb, 5x-3lb, 6x-2lb

Plus he has a NEW Hi-Viz leader available - with 30lb butt for chasing salmon, steelhead and carp in same lengths as above and tippet sizes of 15lb, 12, 0x, 1x, 2x. I have not tried this yet, but it is on my list to get!  Carpin’ is right around the corner folks!  The carp are just about ready to spawn up here in the North Central “Hinterlands”.  After the spawn… it will be GAME ON the Susquehanna River flats going after those “Redneck Bonefish”.

Wet-Fly Dropper Leader

 This leader is his variation of a Czech leader.  It is available in lengths of 7.5′, 9′ and 10′  in tippets of 0x-5x. Composed of 25lb stiff mono butt with either 1 or 2, 10″ fluorocarbon droppers ending in a 24″ tippet of maxima clear. This leader structure provides great sinking ability and you to fish 2 or 3 wet flies/nymphs/combination at the same time. Great for hatching flies and fishing different patterns/sizes of wets.  0x-10lb, 1x-8lb, 2x-6lb, 3x-5lb, 4x-4lb, 5x-3lb

With the recent resurgance of the Euro-nymphing fad, I’m sure this leader will be in all the flyfishing vests throughout the northeast.  Hell, I think I’m going to buy a few and pass them out to a few worthy Dirtbaggers.

My Bottom Line:   You really need to get your hands on a few of these leaders from Christopher Fave.  Seriously!!  These are the BEST leaders I’ve ever used.  Period! 

Here is his contact info:  (Tell ‘em Dirtbagger Dave sent ya!)

Phone: 570-337-0062

Email: cjfave@yahoo.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/the.fly.leader.guru

Conservation Training:

As I had posted in one of my earlier write up’s; Trout Unlimited is running an upcoming Pennsylvania Trout Unlimited PATU Coldwater Conservation Corps training course. These trainings are conducted by Trout Unlimited staff and volunteers, using training materials developed by the PATU and training resources and the Marcellus Monitoring Manual developed by the Alliance for Aquatic Resource Monitoring (ALLARM) of Dickinson College.  Registration for all training sessions begins at 8:30 AM, with the program starting at 9:00 AM and continuing until completion, usually between 2:30 and 3:30 PM. Coffee and light breakfast fare, along with lunch, will be provided.

These trainings will cover topics ranging from basic environmental concerns of gas extraction in the Marcellus Shale to hands-on water quality sampling. If you are a cold-water fisherman or hunter and have concerns about Marcellus Shale gas drilling in your area, this day‐long training will cover all aspects of gas drilling and what you, as an angler or hunter, can do to look after your favorite waters.  

WHEN: Saturday,  April 21, 2012 from 0900 to 1630 hosted by the Tiadaghton Chapter #688 of TU. The training site is at USGS-Leetown Science Center, Northern Appalachian Research Laboratory, 176 Straight Run Road, Wellsboro, PA 16901-9217. 

Educational materials, two water quality sampling kits per TU chapter, and lunch will be provided at each training session. Please plan to attend and help to make sure that our fisheries are better protected. 

To register for the CCC training, please send an email to Katy Dunlap at kdunlap@tu.org or call 607-703-0256, or to Bill or Sharon Paulmier, at spaulmier@verizon.net or call (814)-367-2636 and give your name, phone number and chapter name. Directions to the training session and an agenda will be provided the week of the training session.

There is a $17.50 fee for non-TU members, which includes the cost of a ½- price membership. We require all participants to be members of TU to make sure that each volunteer is covered under our liability policy and is able to use our secure online data portal. 

Fly Fishing Education:

Learn to Fly Fish in a Day: The Twin Tiers Five Rivers Chapter of the Federation of Fly Fishers (TT5R-FFF) is sponsoring a high-quality day-long introduction to fly-fishing course, open to adults and youth, 12 years old and over. The class will provide non-fly fishers with the basic knowledge and skills to get started, and will put novice and out-of-practice fly fishers on a fast track to improve their skills. Classroom topics include fly fishing equipment and its use, fly types and their usage, knot tying, reading water, basic entomology, fishing dry flies, streamers, and nymphs, catching and releasing fish. Students will develop fly casting skills through several practice sessions throughout the day. Students can bring and learn on their own equipment (setup help available), or are welcome to use the club’s equipment.

Class fee is $75 for adults (ages 16 and over), $50 for youth (ages 12-15, accompanied by a paying adult); $10 discount for TTFR-FFF members. Lunch and refreshments provided. Prepaid registration is required by Friday, March 23. Class size is limited, so please register early.

Contact:

Steve Harris (sjh529@stny.rr.com), 607-973-2509
Kirk Klingensmith (kklingensmi@stny.rr.com), 607-346-7189

Flyfishing Lectures:

If you guys want to learn how to get better in nymphing you may want to attend the next two meetings of the The Twin Tiers Five Rivers Chapter of the Federation of Fly Fishers (TT5R-FFF).  Our next Flyfishing lecture on April 2, 2012 features:  Dave Passmore.  He is a very talented fly fisher and former guide will be giving a presentation on nymphing techniques that he uses for our local watersheds. I have had the pleasure of fishing with Dave, he is a fish hound. This lecture will give you better insights on nymphing set up and presentations.

On May7, 2012 - the TT5R-FFF will be hosting George Daniel. George began fly fishing at age 6 while growing up in Potter County, PA and credits Joe Humphreys for the bulk of his knowledge along with many national and international industry professionals. George has been seen on ESPN and OLN while competing in the Great Outdoor Games and the Fly Fishing Masters and is a certified FFF Fly Casting Instructor. George’s passion is in Fly Fishing Education and teaching others to enjoy this leisure activity. He logs over 200 days a year on trout waters near and far from his home in Lock Haven, PA. George has released his first book with Headwaters Press and is available. I own it, and it’s a great book. The title of the book is Dynamic Nymphing.  His presentation will be on dynamic nymphing covering European nymphing and traditional nymphing set ups.

We meet the first Monday of every month at the Community Center in Big Flats, NY.  If you want to be kept in the loop on club events tune into our website to keep posted. http://www.twintiersfff.org/

Do you have a pair of scissors that are getting dull?  Are you thinking of dropping $20-$40 bucks on a pair of those fancy-schmancy tying scissors that claim they won’t go dull even after carving up 28 extra-large bucktails?

I have a cheap fix for you so don’t throw those dull scissors out! 

• Grab a small glass bottle (a nail polish bottle works great).
• Try and cut the neck off the bottle with your dull scissors.  Do this about 5 to 6 times fully opening and closing the blades from tip to rear.
  

  Like this...

It will put some of the sharpness back to your blade.  It’s not a permanent fix but you can do this a couple of times and make your scissor blade last a few months longer.  Well, to be honest…  I’ve done this about 20 times and my blade is still relatively sharp because of it.

The odd creature was discovered by Percy and Connie Emert in Jeresey Shore, PA on Sunday.

“We have bird feeders out in our yard, and the squirrels are constantly into them,” Connie told Accuweather.com. “My husband traps them and then sets them free elsewhere so they don’t get into your bird feeders.”

She said she had seen the little creature on the property before, but no one would believe her.

“I kept telling my husband I saw a purple one out in the yard. ‘Oh sure you did’ he kept telling me,” she added. “Well, he checked the trap around noon on Sunday and sure enough, there it was.”

The Emerts’ plan to release the squirrel back into the wild in the next few days. As for why he is purple, they don’t know. But they swear they had nothing to do with it. The Accuweather team has some theories, though, ranging from him getting into paint to even falling into a port-a-potty.

The crack pot investigators of the Dirtbag Flyfishing Posse have been on the case of this squirrel.  We have uncovered the following proof theories:

1. DonnyBeav is trying to corner the flytying market by breeding genetically enhanced animals for the colored fur.  And a by-product would be clown-colored game meat. 
2. He would use this colored game meat, quite possibly at a children’s themed restaurant such as  Chuck-E-Cheese for the new DonnyBeav Brand Hot-N’-Spicy Squirrel Wraps with minty-pickle sour sauce.  Sounds yummy….  pick up some for your kids today!
3. Or he is trying to form a resurgence of once popular “Barney and Friends” children’s TV show by having a more Pee-Aye friendly animal host that kids could identify with?  Purple Punxsutawney Phil was already locked up in a existing media contract with the PA Lottery.
4. Also the crack pot team of investigative reporters have found that DonnyBeav wishes to have colored game to corner the market on colorblind hunters that wish to have a “canned hunt” on some hunting preserve.  Simply put, this squirrel escaped from the Beav’s hunting fields.  Be on the lookout for fluorescent pink deer and sunflower yellow pheasants.

While we did try to confirm these theories with the Spring Ridge Club, they were not in the mood to take our questions.  We think theory #1 is the most solid - as seen at Charlie Cravens’ flyshop

Fill'er up!

Most of us DFP’ers own a decent flask.  We usually carry our flasks on fishing trips, only because we are the “unselfish” with hopes our DFP brethern will need a wee dram swallow of “the good stuff”.  The Modern Drunkard Magazine describes the engraved flask “as the best present one can give.”  I wholeheartedly agree!

The hip flask began to appear in the form recognized today in the 18th century, initially used by members of the tweeder-sect gentry. However, less compact versions had been in production for several centuries. Notably, in the Middle Ages, there are several accounts of gutted fruit being used to store liquor. During the 18th century, women boarding docked British warships would smuggle gin into the ship via makeshift flasks, created from pig’s bladders and hidden inside their petticoats. Following the act of prohibition in 1920s America, the state of Indiana banned the sale of cocktail shakers and hip flasks.

Antique hip flasks, particularly those made of silver, are now sought-after collector’s items. The hip flask appears often in comedy, in part because it allows drinking in inappropriate situations where a bottle would not be found–for instance, in Two and a Half Men, where Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen) drinks alcohol from a hip flask during a funeral.

I own a handful of flasks.  Most are standard stainless steel and unadorned.  I do own one flask with engraving on it.

 Some modern flasks are made of plastic as to avoid detection by metal detectors.  ‘Cause we all know that TSA workers have ”The List” of DFP’ers who travel and they want to get their greedy hands on our yummy bourbon.  If one wants a very cheap, indestructible flask for a mere $1.59 all you have to do is grab a bottle of Fred water.  The Fred brand water comes in great plastic bottle that doubles as a handy flask when emptied of said H20.

But if you really want to get portable ”sneaky” I found a new type of flask at my local market.  It’s a little pricey, but I do think it has place for us DFP’ers who want to pack in some booze but keep our flyfishing vests light, disposable, and compact.  It’s called the Pocket Pub and retails for $5.99

It was held at the Kingston, PA Armory the HQ of the 109th Field Artillery of the Pennsylvania National Guard.  I like Artillery for some reason…  it lends “class to what would be a most vulgar brawl.”  Some of the members of the 109th were walking around the show and I got a chance to “talk shop” with some of my military brethern.  I met Command Sergeant Major Woodard who just started to learn the enjoyment of flytying.  I made sure I gave him some of my fly materials I had with me.  Y’know me… I always help the up-and-coming tyers.  We ALL know how expensive it is to get into this “sickness” of ours… we call flyfishing and flytying.

The show had a smattering of both fishing, hunting, firearms, and other outdoor goodness.  I took pics of what I think you Dirtbaggers would have enjoyed to see.  (Most of my pics were taken before the show opened, so if you see some tarps over various tables… that’s why.)  Ma Nature put a damper on Saturday’s show by giving us six inches of the white stuff…  YUCK.  It made the trip from BradCo to the metro-Wilkes-Barre a little hairy.  (But we got to stop at the Dallas Sheetz for breakfast sammich’s, coffee, and of course… a yummy Apple Fritter.  I think LD is a fan of Sheetz now!)  Anyway back to the show…

My JJ’s Jigs and Flies area was connected with Kevin Raymond’s Just Fish Taxidermy.  (The best Taxidermist I’ve ever seen) and Lance’s booth – L.D. Guide Service.  Right across from us was the “new guys” on the local “BradCo” fishing scene:  North Branch Rod and Tackle.

North Branch Rod & Tackle... the newest shop in BradCo (Wyalusing area). Selling American Made Products

These guys (Jamie and John) who run NB R&T are great!  Worthy Dirtbaggers!  In fact, both of them have asked me to show them the “way of the fly”.  I suggest that if you looking for some simply awesome flyboxes or “general pattern” flies that you give them a call.  They were offering $30 flyboxes for $6.50!!  And their flies…  were top-notch and very, very inexpensive!  (All tied by local famous tyer Warren “Barney” Singer who ties for Harry Murray)

Big Dady Rods:  Custom made flyrods.  Very nice!  If your looking for a new rod (short Brookie rods, Spey rods, 2-piece, 4-piece, bass fly-rod)  he can make you whatever you want!  

How can you go wrong at a booth like this?  Knives, ammo belts, 12 kinds of homemade Salsa, beef jerky, military surplus, pelts?  This is a dirtbag mecca.  If he had some fritters and a tapped keg o’ Lager (or coffee)…  I would never leave.    ’tis true!

We all know and love this guy!! 'nuff said!

This is Mindy Picotti who runs Hunts for Healing.  She is the hunting version of Project: Healing Waters.  She is “local” from Laceyville, PA and I had no idea that she co-ran a Pheasant Farm along Silvara Creek.  I talked with her for quite a bit during my stay at the show.  I ended up promising her that I would volunteer some time with the veterans teaching flyfishing for her most worthy cause.  The next day she brought in some pheasant feathers for me.  If you guys want to get involved with helping veterans of Iraq and Afganistan, please contact Mrs. Picotti.

Lance and Babe Winkleman

Most of us at the show were very excited to meet Babe Winkleman.  What a nice guy!!  He took the time to talk with all of his fans.  He didn’t rush them about.  Signed a ton of autographs, gave two 60+ minute lectures and was a class-act.  My hat is off to Alan Probst (the host of the All Outdoors Show) for getting Babe to come to this show.  Saturday evening, Alan stopped by Lance’s booth and invited him out to dinner after the show.  Since Lance was my ride…  Alan extended the invitation to me as well.  (Yeah, I was a tag-along.)  Alan is an graduate of the Fisheries Management program at Mansfield University, ex-MLB baseball player (with the Houston Astros, NY Mets, and Toronto Blue Jays), hunter, angler, trapper, National TV star, and all-around cool guy!!

[insert dripping sarcasm here:] This large body of written and visual material creates one of the greatest joys to members of the brotherhood of thee angle.   Meh.  Suck on my Book Review, stains.

That body of work is one that every fucking purist and doosh-tasic fly fisherman tweeder should indulge in. 

Not us dirtbaggers… Dammit!

This is the fucking book you need to embrace:

O Fuck yeah.  This shit is RIGHT up my alley.  Jay “Fishy” Fullum is a Dirtbags Dirtbag!  The MacGuyver of Flytying if you will.  If you are a “natural materials traditionalist” you may have a wee bit of a psychological barrier to overcome.   Ok.  Let’s face it, shall we?  If you’re a fucking tweeder, purist, snobby, assbag fly-tyer…  Well, this book ain’t fer your steaming naked eyeballs.  Aw, hell-NO!  After all, using an electric pencil sharpener on a bit of balsa wood to make a popper body, or to cut a piece of needlepoint plastic canvas to create a stonefly, or “gasp” using beads from a craft store instead of the WhOrvi$ shop would probably chap your ass for 5 years, wouldn’t it?  

This slim volume provides the swarthy dirtbagger with a shit-ton of information, effective materials and techniques for tying a larger variety of effective fishing flies from just simply from going to your local dollar store, craft store, or Wal-Mart (cuz you gotta buy hooks, right?)  I’m telling ya, every chapter is jammed full of trick, tips, and techniques that will have you going; “Holy Shit, dude…  that is fucking genius…  Genius!”  With a retail price of under $15.00, I suggest you run out and buy two of them.  I guarantee you will wear this book out, or spill a whole jar of lacquer on it (yep, I did).  Bottom line:  This book NEEDS to be on your bench. 

Period!  

You got Dirtbag Haute cuisine?  Let us know about it. Send a pic of yer fishing vittles to jjsjigs@epix.net and we may scarf your grimace proportions… scarf being the operative word.

Call it what you like, it’s still fishing and it still works!  Even though I primarily do not use  spinning or bait-casting gear, I still blur the lines with flyfishing and fly tying.  I use Colorado blades, lure skirts, Plain shank baithooks, pyrex worm rattles in a majority of my flies that I use for both trout and bass.  These same flies are the ones I sell on my business website.  Yeah, I actually use what I tie commerically.  Kind of a rarity in today’s world.

Anyway…

The One Feather Fly (or) Jig is a great pattern for a myriad of reasons.  First, it’s a cinch to tie.  You can bang out a dozen in 20 minutes.  Plus, this is a pattern that is the “money” to initially teach someone how to tie flies, jigs…   Second, ones doesn’t need to spend hard-earned clams on buying a crapload of gizmos, materials, and tools to tie it.  You need a hook, whether it’s a plastic worm hook, a plain shank bait hook, a TMC 300 streamer hook, or a hand-poured 1/8oz. worm nosed jig on a 2/0 jighook – it all works!  And you need a single marabou feather in whatever color suits your fancy.  Some thread (any color), and the ’BIG-3′ – a bobbin, scissors, and vise.  Ready to start learning the One Feather Fly (or) Jig?  Right!  Let’s go!

1.  Start the thread on the hook (I’m using a large #1 oversized hook so you can see this better…  it wouldn’t be my first choice of hook size if I was going to fish it on my flyrod) and stop the thread base just at the point of the hook.

2.  Select a marabou feather – any color will do.

3.  Gently expose the stem about halfway to 3/4 of the way down the plume  (You want the nice fluffy plumage, not the hard thin fibers found near the butt of the feather)  and clip the stem.  Disgard the butt section of the feather.

4.  Stroke the fibers towards the tip of the feather.

5.  With a pinch wrap or two secure the feather to the hook before you really tighten down the thread wraps.  Keep the thread wrap on top of one another.

6.  Lift the stem up and run the thread forward to the eye of the hook.

7.  Now with a hemostat, pliers, or even just your fingers – twist the feather around (in one direction) until all the fibers “corkscrew” and the feather now becomes taut into a Marabou rope

8.  Palmer forward and tie off at the eye of the hook (or jig head).

9.  Have a sip of bourbon!  Your done! – Notice how the marabou flares out all spikey - akin to a mini-saddle hackle.  It makes a neat looking, albeit quick and easy pattern to tie!   Also, Please note the head of this fly is huge because I’m using an oversized hook for this tutorial. Normally it’s a smaller neater head.

This pattern is year-round lethal! 

On a jig hook aka “Miss Marabou”:   In the winter for ice fishing,  springtime stocked trout, summer panfish & crappie, and in the fall for Steelhead when using this jig with a float.

As a fly:  It’s just downright awesome for anytype of fly fishing. In larger sizes of #4 and #8 it makes a great leech pattern or streamer.  Smaller sizes, like #12 or #14 gives it a nice general nymph-buggy look.  Try it on a dead drift or fast on the retrieve.  I’ve caught gills, perch, largemouth bass, chubs, stocked and wild trout, smallies, and steelhead.  They all love this pattern!

Question: Did curiosity kill the cat?  Did eating Kippers kill Dpiscator?

Answer:  No, it just made me stronger, and better living through chemistry Epi-Pens and ER visits.

Let me explain that Q & A above to you readers who aren’t in the Dirtbag Flyfishing Posse:  I have recently been diagnosed as having a severe allergic reaction to some seafood products.

But I’m also diagnosed with a complusion strange sickness as a Dollar store/Market browser-junkie. You know what I mean?  The kind of guy who spends an hour slowing pacing up and down the aisles of the ethnic foods sections and bargain areas, carefully scouring the shelves for that one ingredient or item that just “hits” him. My weekly travels up and down the aisles have taken me increasingly toward the canned fish section, with the ubiquitous metal tins and pouches of tuna no longer sufficing my curious Dirtbag mind.

Canned salmon? Meh, too in-style.  Smoked mussels in cottonseed oil? Ugh, not on sale this week… and I really don’t want itchy hives.  Anchovies? Sardines? No, too predictable for Dirtbag Haute Cuisine.

Then it hit me, like a solid 18-inch smallmouth bass hitting my well-casted Bolivian Chickenbat streamer fly.  Reaching wayyyy back into a dusty corner of a forgotten Grocery Clearance shelf I snagged a tin of Brunswick Seafood Snacks – Kippered with eager anticipation. Did I have any idea what a kippered seafood snacks was?  No.  Tastes like? No.  Much less looks like? FUUUCK-No!  (But that didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to try the Canuckistan-made product.)

So what the fuck is a Kippered Seafood Snack?   I didn’t fucking know either until I scoured the interwebby and looked it up.  From what I found, in the United Kingdom, Japan, and in some North American regions (mostly here in the North East) they are often eaten for breakfast. (A side dish for Lucky Charms?) In the UK, kippers, along with other preserved fish such as the bloater and buckling, were also once commonly enjoyed as a high tea or supper treat (sounds fucking tweedy to me); most popularly with inland and urban working-class populations before World War II.  Not so much now, since the invention of the creme-filled Twinkies and Sheetz Apple Fritters.  Jus’ sayin’. 

My first bite of the “meat” was a little underwhelming. On its own, the boneless fillet tasted very plain. I was expecting something strong, fishy and salty, but rather I received a muted smoke flavor and just a hint of saltiness. As I savored the fillet chunks I realized that the smoke flavor became more pronounced, so much so that it also exhibits a kind of sweetness – despite the fact that there was no sweetener listed on the ingredient list. I couldn’t fix the kind of wood the fillet were smoked over (Staghorn Sumac? Poison Oak?  alder, perhaps?) but it was curiously addictive and very, very good.  I enjoyed it throughly.

Mmmmm... YUMMY! All gone!!

Natural smoky flavor masks any lingering “fishiness” you’d probably expect. Not too oily, but still has a nice moistness and isn’t overly salty.   I would totally eat these again…  on purpose, and most definitely via streamside.  (Maybe some of the fishy oil in the can could grease up my leader line?)

My Kippered Seafood Snacks just screamed Dirtbag Haute Cuisine sophistication (hold pinky high in the air like a fancy-lad here) on a creek full of jealous Dirtbaggers getting their snack fix off of engine-block warmed Ramen Noodles and 56 day-old Ritz crackers from the glove-box.  The only cons were that as Dirtbaggers… a $1.29 a tin is bit more over the cigarette ash-tray loose change spending limit. Also, a touch awkward to eat without some type of fork or spoon with fingers.

Also, during the testing phase:  The DFP Bunker Minions gave me lots of  “Dpiscator is fucking weird” stares and “What the heck smells like dead fish?” looks in the Bunker Haute Cuisine Operations Center kitchen.    It ain’t a Apple Fritter… but it’ll do.

You got Dirtbag Haute cuisine?  Let us know about it. Send a pic of yer fishing vittles to jjsjigs@epix.net and we may scarf your grimace proportions… scarf being the operative word.

]]> http://dirtbagflyfishing.com/2011/12/31/over-and-done-with/ Sat, 31 Dec 2011 12:13:43 +0000 jjsjigs1 http://dirtbagflyfishing.com/2011/12/31/over-and-done-with/

I think we can all agree: 2011 sucked. It was a big stupid year full of big stupid things. All around, it was just stupid.  Did I mention it was stupid?

Finally, though, 2012 is just around the corner. Now, we can pretend that 2011 never happened and look forward to the Mayan apocalypse. (Note to Self: Mayan Apocalypse is a great name for a metal band.)

Since 2011 was the worst year since 1993 (the year that Crystal Pepsi was discontinued), I am going to ignore the trend that everyone else will be jumping on. Why would I want to review the previous year? No, I will look forward to 2012.

This is what my 2012 will look like:

• January 1^st: The official first day of 2012.  January 1^st, 14 minutes after waking up: The first time I write 2011 instead of 2012.
• January 2^th: I will brag about how I haven’t broken one of my New Year’s resolutions.. yet.  The DFP will be fishing Spring Creek.  I’m almost certain I will break a resolution while fishing….   I’ll tie on that fat-assed streamer instead of the more proper tandem nymph rig.  
• (That’s the only resolution I’m gonna tell you about.  The rest are classified… bitches!)

• January 3^th: I will break all of my resolutions at one time, slip into a deep spiral of self-loathing, and vow to never, ever again make New Year’s resolutions

That’s all I got for now….

As we say good riddance to 2011 and look ahead to 2012, I wish my 5 loyal DFP blog followers a very Happy New Year and thank you for your continued support. I make no promises that you will read anything here worthy of your time. I do however, offer apologies in advance. I just hope we’re all still here this time next year.

I hope you all have a great 2012. 

And of course, please leave a comment below.  Why, you ask?

  1.  I’d love to hear your 2012 resolutions

 2.  It’s nice to know you actually read this blog.

Mystery Meat? Chock full of horse testicles and squirrel anus?

No…  NOT Mystery Meat…  Good ‘ol SPAM from Hormel Meat Products!

Is there a food more widely mocked than Spam? Its name was long rumored to stand for Stuff Posing As Meat. It’s synonymous with Internet junk. (No, Anokpeas, they didn’t name the canned pig after banking offers from dispossessed Nigerian millionaires. It was the other way around.)

But for all the mockery, I’d always assumed that we only kid because we love.  I mean, everyone grew up on Spam, right?

Right?

Turns out, no. In fact, in the Bunker today I asked the Colonel, minions, hell… even Jenna the “Wonderlab”, if they had actually tried Spam … and the uninitiated tripled the deflowered. Where’s the love for tinned luncheon meat?  For the dreaded meat-ish loaf that dare not speak its name?  I’m telling ya..while I was in the U.S. Air Force,  SPAM was a staple of our Big-Green-Military-Machine of Haute Cuisine.  It was usually served up cold in an MRE (Meals-Refused-by-the-Enemy) with lima beans.

I suppose it doesn’t help when Spam’s own website reads no more deliciously than this: “What is Spam? A family of meat products that are very versatile and tasty, which can be served in a variety of ways, such as sandwich meats, salad ingredients or to make a meaty mac & cheese food dish.” Shit, with that kinda description it’s no wonder you can’t pry it out of the hands of a Hawaiian.

And I have to say, through all that, I’d always loved it. I loved its soft, creamy flavor. Its comforting squishiness. But I also haven’t had it in forever. I have given it some thought on preparing it as a dish for our next DFP: Knights of the Blue Nose Outing on Spring Creek.  C’mon, what’s an outing with Dirtbag Haute Cuisine?  How would it stack up now compared to other Dirtbag Dishes we love like Montana Whitefish, Carr’s famous Bar-B-Que Creek Chub, ‘Peas’ Pasties, Pickled Hog-Jowels, Tripe, Ramen Noodles?  I decided to give a can of Spam another chance of redemption.  

The Uncanning.  OMG..  It’s Alive…  Alllivvvveee!!

We thank you Dpiscator, for these morsels we are about to scarf… through the bounty of thee venerable Dirtbaggers.

 The first whiff was AWESOME  ok… not as appealing as I remember. It’s the smell of Vienna sausages, of certain blander dog foods. I tap-tap-tapped the bottom, until it slid out, riding a wave of its greasy jelly, making that telltale sucking sound. You really have to admire a food that gets 78 percent of its calories from fat. But it is salty. Very salty.  But meaty, too. Ham-like, for sure — but if ham had its own built-in mayonnaise.  I cooked it in two distinct ways that I thought one would do so via streamside on an outing. 

Raw. Naked. Sliced straight from the can. Glistening in its own fatty juices.

First, I seared a slice in oil, and watched it throw off grease like a 18-year-old stripper doffs her clothes. It’s an unnerving sight for the over-35 me, and when I took it out of the pan, I drained the slice on a paper towel. Am I missing the point?  But am I ready to die? No, I am a chicken. Maybe!

As I chew, it starts to taste a little metallic, but in a minerally way, in a not altogether bad way. But gah, the salt! I would have feared that overcooking the Spam would dry it out, but #1) “fear” is overstating it, since the pool of molten rendered fat in the frying pan is now kept far, far away from my body and #2) science has ensured that it is impossible to dry out Spam. Sure, it’s a little chewy, but in a satisfying, jerky-like way. 

Mmmmmm…. Fried Spammy Goodness.

Once I detect the vaguely smoky flavor from the intense browning, I realize what my reaction is: This is what people love in bacon. Yes, it’s aggressively salty, but with less mass, it feels more appropriate. And it’s not like there are juices that keep the salt coming in waves.

Spam Soup?

The second method poached.  Yes, I poached my Spam into a soup. If that sounds pretentious, I can tell you I boiled it.  Does that sound better to you?  Either way, I’m sorry, but this is delicious. This is a flavor of my childhood, and I can’t ever forget it.  I grew up on big bowls of chicken broth full of macaroni elbows, diced boiled Spam and canned corn. I’m pretty sure God never intended for this type of meal to happen. (But -Try it - Really.)

A taste of my childhood.

But aside from nostalgia, boiling actually accomplishes a few things. One, most important, it washes much of the saltiness away (mostly if you cut the Spam up into small bits; if you’re going for big chunks and slices, it’s still salty as hell). The heat and moisture keep the Spam soft and supple, with just enough to chew on. That creamy, fatty flavor comes to the front, round and rich. Remember when I said earlier that Spam tastes like ham that comes with its own mayonnaise?  This makes Spam taste like mayonnaise that…. that…  comes with its own ham.

Third, I made a ‘sammich’ out of the Spam.  Not has good as the soup but pretty good in a pinch.  As long has you have condiments.

Before

 

After

But then I took a bite. And after I got past the intense flavor of the potted meat essence of the Spam itself, I was both stunned and comforted by what I found.  Nothing.  Nothing changed.  After all that, Spam remains Spam… and I still LOVED it!!

Ok. Maybe not LOVED it… but I’d eat it again.

You got Dirtbag Haute cuisine?  Let us know about it. Send a pic of yer fishing vittles to jjsjigs@epix.net and we may scarf your grimace proportions… scarf being the operative word.

 The wish list season has arrived and we’ve got a few ideas to ponder. One or two of these gifts are sure to put a grin on the receiver’s face.

Do you like my wrap job?

• A gift membership to an angling/environmental organization. PETA  umm.. wait, no, that’s not it.  These guys:  Trout Unlimited, Federation of Fly Fishers,  and The Nature Conservancy are just a few to consider…  NOT PETA!  Mmmm’kay?

• A one or two-year subscription to Fly Tyer Magazine or the Mid-Atlantic Flyfishing Guide. The best we’ve seen in a long time.

• Anything from Finger Lakes Distillery.  Trust me.  You will like it. Maybe put it in one of these?

• An Albright GPX Fly Rod in a 7/8 weight or a 10/11 weight.  Very sweet stick that actually makes a difference in your lack of casting.  

• A gift charter trip with this guy for the 2012 season. Gift wrapping available.  (Yep, I got a couple more rolls of duct-tape.)

• A big fat box of either JJ’s Jigs or JJ’s Flies.  Might as well get a T-shirt too!  

• Lodging at the premier DFP hostel in Girard, PA and a dinner gift certificate here.  A way cool experience!

• Maybe a pound or two of Sheetz Brothers Coffee or a dozen of Sheetz Apple Fritters?  (Don’t worry about the Fritter calories…  it’s worth it!)

• Plane tickets to Bozeman, Missoula, or Billings, Montana. I am available if you need a rod caddy.

As for me?  What I do here at the DFP site is a gift onto itself. Though that Albright would be nice….  Colonel?  Are you reading this?

So what’s on your wish list?  The DFP wants to know! 

Sometimes I get the chance to walk into a “real” flyshop.  You know the kind, stuff piled from floor to ceiling, tons of hooks, waders, rods, and tying materials.  Groovy, ain’t it? 

Except for the retail prices…  Can you believe a 500% mark-up most places!  Yep, ’tis true!  And I hate paying these prices.  One of my most used materials is Danville Sparkle Chenille.

Or has a very bad case of Obsessive Organizational Behavior.

I gotta confess that his vehicle gear set-up rocks!  I’m a bit green with envy.

Of course, witty captions welcomed and encouraged in the Leave A Comment section below.

Biots can be a pesky lot to deal with.  My biggest problem comes when I want to cut a few of those little feathers off.  Usually I need just two of them, when tying on a bifurcated nymph tail.  However, when I try to only cut two off, I end up cutting about 6 off… wasting a bunch.

Dammit... I cut too many off again!

I’ve found an inexpensive way to store the biots so that when you want to clip off just one or two biot feathers you’re not wasting bits by cutting off too many at a time.

1. Grab a pencil, wooden dowel, even a drinking straw and secure the tip of your biot (I used a piece of Scotch Tape on this biot).

2.  Wrap the biot in a spiral down the pencil so that the biot feathers are splayed out (like a redneck Christmas tree) and secured the base of the biot to the pencil.  I used a thumb tack, but another piece of tape works too!

3.  Now that all the biot feather are splayed out and secured to your pencil.  One can grab biot anytime, and cut just one of the feathers off without clipping off more than you need.  Thus minimizing waste and maximizing tying time.

I know, I know…  it’s kind of a silly way to display the feather.  But this little “Cheater” way works well.  (For me at least…)   There you have it.  Another installment of DFP - On The Cheap.  If you have any great tips, tactics, or methods that save us Dirtbaggers a buck or two send ‘em my way at jjsjigs@epix.net.  As always, one may leave a comment below.

Mirco-Jigs that work well for flyfishing applications: 1/80oz to 1/8oz. All colors of the rainbow! Steelhead love 'em!

Part of making jigs is making them look good which usually requires painting the jig heads to match your pattern.  The easiest way is to grab some Testor’s Model paint and a pack of paint brushes from the Dollar Store.

Testor’s Model Paint usually requires an overcoat of clear nail polish, Clear Cure Goo, or Epoxy.  This is because the Model paint chips relatively easy.  It’s a quick low-cost way to give your jigs a cool look. 

Lots of cool colors and glitters when you use nail polish. Who would have thought that your local CVS or Rite-Aid would supply you with flytying/jig painting stuff?

A better low cost choice would be Sally Hansen’s “Hard-As-Nails” Nail Polish and start painting. This brand of polish seems to last the longest without having to put on 16 thousand coats of paint.  The “Hard-As-Nails” brand seems to be more chip-resistant than most other brands.  A lot of flytyers use this as a substitute for various types of “commerical” flytying head cement (I do).  Within the chemical makeup of the polish you get a decent  top “overcoat” and wouldn’t necessarily have to use an epoxy once you paint the jig head. 

However, the best choice to paint your jigs is with a commercial powder paint.  Powder paint can be expensive when you buy it from a tackle-making store. 

Usually $6 + shipping for just a 3 ounce jar. One can find it at Harbor Freight Tools for $3.99 a POUND! (and Harbor Freight has a LOT of colors too!)

 Now with technology comes innovation.  Some jig makers use a commercial heat gun.  Great choice, but an expensive purchase for just painting jigs.

Think uber-powerful hair dryer!

 Some get their grubby mitts on an mini-burner stove that uses denatured alcohol (a.k.a Marine gas). 

This too is an expensive purchase if you don’t make a shit-ton of jigs or your just out to experiment with a few jigs to see how they fling with the long-whippy rod.

I found a easy fix for those who want to experiment.  Do-it-yourself alcohol burner.  Got any mylar tubing?  You do?  Great!  Your in business!  See that cotton fabric core within the mylar tubing?  That’s your wick for the burner. The wick doesn’t have to be from mylar tubing but I just happened to have a stash of mylar with a cotton core like this:

Now find a small empty jar with a lid.  (A 4 ounce Baby food jar, Pimento jar, somthing small.)  Poke or punch a hole that is smaller than the mylar tubing core and work the fabric core through the hole and into the jar.  Leave one inch of the tubing sticking out of the hole and clip off the frayed ends of the fabric core flush.

Now your DIY burner should now look similar to this:

 Fill your jar 1/4 full of 91 % medical alcohol wait until the wick gets good and wet.  Light the wick and start heating your jig heads to paint.  You can pour any unused Alcohol back in the bottle and use it again.  One may regulate the flame size by the length of the wick sticking out of the jar. 

Denatured Alcohol works best to heat your jig heads… 

....but it's $15 a gallon at the Big Box Stores.

 91% Medical Alcohol is usually $1.70 a Quart.  So 4 x $1.70 = $6.80 (4 quarts to the gallon or a savings of $8.20 more or less depending on local sale tax.)   No soot, burns great, and if need be, you can disinfect a cut when you jab your finger punching a hole in the jar lid.  (Yep, Did it!  Ouchy!)  

Viola!  Your in business!  Yeah, your welcome!

Today’s post is to help you with your fly organization.  How many of you take 50 bazillion boxes of flies with you?  Yeah, I though so…  TONS.  A box for this, a box for that…  one for dries, one for wets, one for bass, one for trout…if the rare red-breasted Moldovian Mayfly hatches, do you have a box for that?  I bet you do!

Yep… wayyyy too much.  I used to carry even more than this.  Then I found out that even when I was doing 12 hours or more of major stream fishing, I was only reaching for about 8 flies that were found in 2 boxes…  at the most!  I decided it was time to downsize.  I went for the Dirtbag uber-cheap and pocketsized.  Nope, not the large flyvest sized pocket.  The blue jean pocket-size!

Like this:

An empty Skoal Tin is a great fly box if your only taking a few tried and true patterns on the water.  I will show you how to make one with materials you probably have lying around your house.

The very basic materials are this…

….some type of container.  Some type of fabric or foam to line the container, scissors, a pen, and maybe a dash of superglue.

Right!  Let’s begin!

1. Clean your tin out with some soap and water and let dry.  Then grab your box liner and pen and mark around the can to create a template and then cut the foam out into about the same size as the interior of your tin. 

 I like to use cell foam…  you can embed the hook points pretty easy, the flies stay impaled and it is easy to get them back out.  But you can use a bit of packing styrofoam, fluffy fabric, hell…  I’ve seen guys use the lint from a clothes dryer for fly box lining.

2. Put a drop or two of glue, epoxy, tape, bubble gum… whatever you want to secure the box liner.  (I’m using Zap-A-Gap CA glue only because it was sitting on my bench when I started the project.)

3.  Lay the foam into the bottom of the tins and let dry for 5 minutes.

At this point you could stop.  The tins are now functional fly boxes.   But I like to play around with paints…Some anglers don’t like to flash around a Skoal can.  I totally understand that… 

So you can coverup the “Skoal” parts of the cans but doing a few extra steps:

Take a bit of Goo Gone and rub on the tin’s label.  The sticky-glue that holds the label on will dissolve and both the gumminess and the tin label will come right off!

You also can take a little paint or nail polish and cover-up the stamped Skoal logo…   and there you have it.  A great little fly box for pennies!  Now don’t they look really cool without the Skoal label and the tin lid painted?

Fits in yer vest pocket.  No heat-up necessary, no mess, the right amount of Buffalo wing spice … and actually quite tasty!  I give it 4 burps out of 5.

You got Dirtbag Haute cuisine?  Let us know about it. Send a pic of yer fishing vittles to jjsjigs@epix.net and we may scarf your grimace proportions… scarf being the operative word.

You need a rod holder, don’t you?  But c’mon fancy-schamancy vehicle rod holders are big bucks!  Like this one seen in the www.feather-craft.com catalog that retails for over $150.00 clams!

I gotta admit, it’s pretty sweet…   but not $150.00 sweet.  Why fork over hard-earned beer money when you ALREADY have a rod holder.  Yep, that’s right…  the redneck rod holder.

Yeah, your kicking yourself…  I know, I know…  YOUR WELCOME!

It’s not a military classified secret that fluorocarbon tippet is truly awesome… ’Da Bomb, the golden turd, the fish ‘chronic’, the cats’ meow. (please add your favorite coolest adjective here) It’s also no ‘super secret squirrel shit’ that it costs more than a 12 pack of Fat Tire.  Dammit..  I hate these hard decisions.  It’s hard to fish where you must choose between sucking down some malty-hoppy cans-o’- nirvana OR an uber- clear, fish pimpin’, fucking downright invisible tippet.

Thanks to our loyal minions in the Research+accounting+Testing+Milkshake+Bathmat Development Section at the DFP Bunker, you can now choose both Fluorocarbon tippet AND Beer!  (Hold your applause to the end).   I’m no Russell Crowe - A Beautiful Mind movie insane math professor…  but I’m going to try to break it down for the five of you filthy stains who actually read this DFP blog.    Yeah, only 5…  I get a site view stat listing daily.

A certain retail fishing company named Orvis, WhOrvi$ um.. err…  Company XX , yeah, that’s it..  Company XX.  Well, they like to rip me off of almost $20 clams for 44 yards (40 meters) of spooled MirageMax fluorocarbon tippet.  Let’s say Mr. Tweeder McFlyGuide gets his same greasy-slick tippet on the Company XXX “Prostaff” hook-up deal for $5.00 a 40 meter spool.   Good deal for Mr. Tweeder, right?  Wrong.

Wal-Mart charges $8.99 for 200 yards of Stren Fluorocast line.  If you chop that spool in half your only paying $4.50 for 100 yards of  fluoro-goodness.  Hmmm….   $4.50 for 100 yards?  That’s .50 cents cheaper than Company XX’s “Prostaff” hook-up and you get an extra 56 yards! 

Damn that’s sweet when you do the math… because even buying a whole spool of Stren at full price at WallyWorld is effectively cheaper than buying tippet (even with the “Prostaff hook-up) at your fly-shop.  Plus, it still leaves you a couple of bucks for a six-pack of beer!  Probably not enough $ for a sixer of Fat Tire… but shit, this will do nicely…

I don’t want you to think that Stren is the only company whose fluoro line is worth a shit for tippet use, or have prices this low…  This just happened to be the brand of fluorocarbon line I saw while wandering the aisles at the monument of consumerism called Wal-Mart.  So this is where you, loyal minions,  go forth and find what works the best (and quite possibly the cheapest) for you!!