This year for Christmas, there is no cease fire.  There has been in the past.  I was wondering if they can call cease fire for one day, why can’t it be all the time?  Also, during this time of year there is so much caring and giving to help those in need.  Instead of it being a yearly event, why can’t it be this way every day?  Something to think about.

*********************************************************************************

Language is the tool which enables us to communicate with our fellow beings. It is a limiting tool. It controls how we think and process things according to the rules of the languages we speak. Also, it does not accurately define the human experience even if you have words to describe it because your listener’s definition and experience with the words you use may be different from yours.

There are also things that there are not words for that you may experience. It’s hard to process these things because without the words to describe it – it’s a thought without a definition. It’s something felt but not understand or mastered as when you have words for it. For example, there is no word that exist or can exist that accurately describes my gender. It’s not male or female – it is something else entirely but the best our language can offer for such a state is “genderqueer.” Using the word “genderqueer” to describe myself is like describing the shadows on the wall of an unseen figure. It’s a mere abstraction of what is really there but there is no place in our binary world for my existence but against all odds, I exist.

We create new words to define new experiences but there are some things words do an injustice to. For example, the word “Love” is so overused in society. The definition has been so water down by so many uses that people can no longer distinguish “love” from “like”. “Love” has become a synonym for “like” when both words are two different feelings, they now blend into one.

I think a problem with our society is that we quickly establish things into binaries. When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. We should stop fragmenting our existence by breaking it down into binaries. We should recognize when we are being a slave of our language and having a ground of common experiences is assumed.

Language when used correctly can be a great tool. But as with any tools, it’s a means to the ends and not the ends itself. Don’t be afraid to ask for definitions if you don’t understand how a person is defining a word to avoid miscommunication.

awful. terrible headache.

but wthout painkillers the only way to deal with it would be sleeping.

but i don’t wanna sleep at this time of the day, it’ll leave me wide awake at night.

and i have to be able to sleep at night.

bcause i can’t stand being awake and in fear.

i have to be sure that i can sleep after dark.

that’s why i usually hold back my sleep and wait until it’s night time.

i don’t turn the lights off when i sleep alone unless i’m at home in my own bed.

it’s either that, or i keep the door open.

so that it doesn’t feel like it’s too dark, or too suffocating.

if it gets too frightening i talk on the phone, or listen to someone talk on the phone, until one of our batteries run out. until there’s nothing left to say i still listen, even if nothing is said as long as someone’s there at the other end of the line i still listen. even if it’s just background noise i still listen.

and that is why sometimes i don’t call people

because it will be difficult to hang up.

i don’t really hang up on people, unless somethng else is really demanding my attention.

i don’t make missed calls, i don’t really send forwarded text messages.

i’ll call if i need to call, i’ll send my own words as text messages if i need to text. whether it’s jst some common greetings or special occassions, i write my own text. most of the time.

and the same goes for my emails.

evrythng’s usually personalized. by me in my own words.

no matter how trivial they may seem, i will respond in my own way if ever i feel the need to.

it depends a lot upon how i feel about it.

i can rewrite a whole entry that i’ve lost, word by word and make it into the exact same thing, the exact same entry again.

if it’s somethng i feel so strongly about,  i can capture it and put it into words again, even if i’ve already lost it. 

just like how i can remember and describe a scene that highly affects my feelings.

just like how i can remember words that people say to me that leaves an impact on what i feel.

just like how i can hardly let go when someone inflicts pain upon me.

because i remember.

i may not remember everything, but i will remember all the little scars and the huge ones.

and the little things that i’ve lost and the bigger ones. 

so even though it takes me a very long time to forgive, i may eventually forgive someone.

but forgetting is a totally different thing.

because even then, i remember.

so i guess it’s not exactly a clean slate for a person when they apologize.

because the past is a history, and histories are meant to be remembered.

the past doesn’t really disappear just because someone decides to start anew.

evrythng has a price.

whether it’s in blood, sweat, or tears. or material things.

there’s always somethng else, for something in return.

not that i hold grudges, i just tend to feel a little bit cautious, a little more wary.

because if somethng happens once there is no guarantee that it will not happen again.

and in a way, i am taking care of myself.

i trust myself to take care of my own things. my own self.

no matter how awful things could become and no matter how i tend to forget, at the end of the day i do try to look after myself.

i may fail at that, time and time again but when the time comes i’ll try and pull myself together so that i can at least scrape by and live.

♦

dlm dunia ni takde bnda pn yg senang

mungkin sbb bnda yg senang takde harge.

perlu ke dicari yg tak berharge?

i’m tired of feeling tired.

you can do whatever you want.

but i am not anybody’s emergency exit.

i know i’m being stupid, but can i just let this weekend pass?

i’m not usually like this, but i jst wanna spend some time away frm work and studies.

just doing silly thngs like a 22 year old girl could and would do.

i need some ‘me’ time.

so tomorrow.

let’s go for a movie!

and eat an extensive meal for breakfast-lunch-dinner.

and a sleepover.

♦

i just..needed a break.

bfore i come back to the harsh realities of my unaccomplished life.

An important aspect of learning is its intangibility. Learning is non-observable; it takes place within people and can only be inferred from actual behavior. For this reason, it is called an intervening variable. Because it must be inferred from behavior, it is often difficult to measure: other factors influence behavior, and it is sometimes difficult to distinguish what part of the behavior is attributable to learning. Two men may be assigned a task and given instructions on how to accomplish it. One may achieve much better results than the other, but that does not necessarily mean he has learned more. He may have had more ability to begin with, or he may have had a greater motivation to succeed than the other.

Performance is the result of learning, ability, motivation, and a variety of external factors. One man may produce more even having learned less because his ability or motivation enables him to perform more effectively. A student who works hard in a course and learns a great amount may see another student work less hard, appear to learn less, but receive a high grade. Such situations are common both in school and in the business world. The factor sometimes overlooked is the initial degree of skill or knowledge brought to the task, and the resultant effect on performance. Often it is performance that is observed, judged, and rewarded.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, and my Lectures.

i’m sorry that my t-shirts bother you so much.

i didn’t know that it’s that offensive.

i thought that as long as i don’t show off skin, then evryone can work in peace (me included).

well.

maybe it’s because i’m working for a corporation, no screw that, i’m stationed in an office (for now), where evryone seems to be dressed to the nines or at least dressed in smoothly pressed apparels with no lint fibres or fuuzzy fluff particles coming out of their fabrics, therefore i have to adapt to that so that i don’t offend you.

but you see

i didn’t come here to work in the office.

my place is outside.

on site.

i’m only here for now because i need to wait for another 3 signatures on that memorandum before i can actually go out. on site.

and apparently there’s another delay because someone only took it out to be submitted TODAY, when that thing was ready 3 days ago.

this is soo whatever.

when all this is over i don’t even think i would want to continue being here.

not unless that mr.he-who-must-not-be-named is no longer here.

i can’t continue working with someone like him.

it’s torture.

i don’t wanna end up in a place where i cannot learn. anything.

i don’t wanna end up unimproved, undeveloped, under-achieved and un-smart.

so

no worries

i don’t have any intention to join you (and your corporation).

thank you very much.

okay.

the truth is that i’m tired of having to double-check evrything all the time because i don’t trust you to give me what i want. or need.

this is such a pain.

and you should know your place.

and your position.

and especially, your duty.

evrytime i get in that elevator coming down frm the 19th floor, that is when i actually have the time to exhale.

so i don’t undrstand for the life of me why someone who’s paid more than 4 times my monthly salary [of this 12-week stint] would let someone who’s paid less than 1/4 of his monthly salary carry out what he is paid to do.

oh dear.

i need my 19th-floor breath of fresh air.

now!!

You may recall that I bought a cell phone this year. How do you buy an American-made cell phone, you ask? You buy one that has become a “naturalized citizen.” You buy a used phone.

That’s exactly what the site Zendoo does. They buy your junky old cell phone, and then they cell it to somebody else. Like me.

My previous cell phone was so old and awful they didn’t want it. I donated it. The recipient probably threw it away. But that’s not what this is about. This is about my new used Zendoo cell phone, and what we can learn from it as it applies to buying American.

Here’s the thing: I bought a fancy schmancy new/used cell phone from Zendoo, for quite a substantial discount, and got to avoid interacting with my cellular service provider, which is always a bonus. I was happy with this purchase. It was easy, inexpensive, and most of all MITUSA. I was able to re-use someone else’s phone. One man’s trash was this man’s treasure.

But here’s the thing: the phone sucks. It turns off. Randomly. Often. Mid call. Or overnight. Or in my pocket. It’s just off. Off off off. It started doing this monthly. Then weekly. Then daily. Now it’s pretty much constant. Look at the thing wrong and it will turn off right before your eyes.

It sucks.

This brings me to my point. Or points.

First, the obvious: they just don’t make ‘em like they used to. This phone is maybe a year old, in total, between the previous owner and me. That’s not exactly ancient history. Yet it behaves as if it were an antique. Is this a function of smaller/faster/cheaper/Chinese-ier phone?

The real issue, though, is that I’m stuck. I can’t really return it. Zendoo’s formerly 30-day return policy is now a 7-day return policy. (The company is “currently closed due to restructuring.”) Months after my purchase, I’m out of luck. And that’s part of the problem with buying used. Or buying MITUSA. Or buying anything outside of the primary buying system–the one that says “make me happy or I’ll shop elsewhere” and is kind of easy because of that. This is a hassle. Even if they would accept the return, it’s a pain to have to return the thing after four months. My last phone survived a couple of years.

Now I have to buy a new phone. And frankly, I’m just going to wait until next year. I’m going to get a new phone. Something moderately schmancy. Something primarily, though, that works. And has a return policy. And won’t be a huge pain in the butt if there’s a problem.

Something not MITUSA.

Which sort of points out the flaws in the system. I want to do the right thing. I want to buy American. I also don’t want to have to put in hours of work for every damn purchase I make. And if you want to regulate your buying, especially by buying American, you have to work at it.

Things would be a whole lot easier–meaning you wouldn’t have to work at it and so you’d be more likely to do it–if manufacturers were making stuff in the USA. But that’s expensive. And we want low prices. And so we won’t get it, no matter how much we want it, until we work for it. It’s one of them there vicious cycles.

You can’t buy American stuff until more stuff is made in America. More stuff won’t be made in America until we start buying it.

See the problem?

###

How do you change the face of zombie shooters only a year after you completely revolutionize the zombie shooter? This is the dilemma for Left 4 Dead 2. Left 4 Dead 1 was a fun and frantic run through perilous situations with 4 characters that are trying to survive a zombie apocalypse. Now, 4 new heros are stepping in to do the same, with a whole new setting, new weapons and some new gameplay mechanics.

The main campaign of Left 4 Dead hasn’t changed. The main idea is to make your way through each zombie infested stage and get to the safehouse until you reach the finale, at which point, you need to make your escape. Left 4 Dead 2 gives the basic gameplay a lot of variety with crescendo events, where the game throws an endless supply of zombies at you until you figure out how to stop them. Also, a variety of finale events also make the game very interesting. So instead of just figuring out where to stand in each finale, you actually have to move, and often times, run to safety.

A zombie game can’t work without a variety of infected humans trying to kill you, and Left 4 Dead 2 has plenty. Apart from the hordes the regular infected, there are multiple different special infected. The Hunter, Smoker, Boomer and Tank all return from Left 4 Dead 1. The new special infected are the Spitter, which spits acid that can pool up on the floor for a short period of time, the Charger, which runs up to survivors and can barrel right through and grab one survivor to slam him into submission, and the Jockey, which can jump onto a survivors back and control them as long as no one knocks the Jockey off. To top it all off, “uncommon infected,” like a riot-officer-zombie that can only get killed with a hit from behind, change the pace up at every turn.

The weapons you use have been given an upgrade as well. As opposed to simply having 2 sets of weapons and 2 different grenades, you now have more weapons and more equipment. A larger variety of pistols, rifles and shotguns make cutting through waves and waves of zombies a bit easier. Also, on top of molotovs and pipebombs, you can now throw out Boomer Bile, which, like a pipe bomb, can attract zombies; except you can throw Boomer Bile onto specific places, or even a special infected. A defibrillator has been added and with it, you can revive a dead teammate on the fly, as well as adrenaline that speeds up your actions, like picking up fallen teammates. The biggest addition is definitely melee weapons. Instead of carrying a pistol, you can carry around one of several melee weapons, like a frying pan, axe, katana, or perhaps a chainsaw. These weapons will put you right in a zombies face and leave a blood splatter on your screen after a hit.

The campaigns are very different than in Left 4 Dead 1. Instead of being put into 4 completely different, almost random situations, these campaigns are all linked together with a tidbit of story. Ever wonder why you’re not flying in that chopper? Well the game will tell you exactly what happened. This adds a feeling of an overall narrative in the game, making the whole set of 5 campaigns feel like chapters in a movie, and giving you a feeling that you should press on to see what will happen next. Dialogue in-game between characters is fun to listen to, as they will often give commentary on the situation at hand; however, this dialogue can sometimes get lost in the action.

On top of the main campaign mode, Left 4 Dead 2 includes several other modes. Realistic mode is similar to the main campaign mode, just with very little health and an emphasis on headshots. Survivor and Versus return across all the campaigns, with the inclusion of Scavenge mode. Scavenge mode is more geared towards shorting playing sessions. The objective in Scavenge is to go around a map trying to collect gas cans. Whichever team can manage to collect the most gas wins.

While Left 4 Dead 2 adds many things in all different areas of the game, the difficulty of the game takes away so much. While the first Left 4 Dead was a fun challenge, Left 4 Dead 2 is frustrating; not challenging. The whole reason Left 4 Dead 1 was a fun challenge and not frustrating was the feeling of barely making each scene. You could get a pounded all level, but still barely make it by. In Left 4 Dead 2, any turn around a corner can be your last. Not only do I not feel like I can barely make it, I don’t feel like I’m meant to survive many instances. A lot can be said about difficulty level or skill level, but let it be known that I played Left 4 Dead 1 on expert and I had a lot of fun, but I don’t think Left 4 Dead 2 is fun or fair at all.

Left 4 Dead 2 is a vast improvement over Left 4 Dead 1 in many areas, but the difficulty is almost too much of an issue. Having fun is the most important quality in a video game, and if its not fun to play, or even slightly enjoyable, it’s not worth the time or money. For those hardcore Left 4 Dead fans who can breeze through Expert mode, I suggest you try before you buy this game. Otherwise, do not get Left 4 Dead 2.

All right, finally I’m creating the sequal to Clay! So far, I have ideas for gravity changers, sticky walls, two new droppable blocks, and acid blocks. I’m pretty excited about it, and once again I’m working with a friend (Zachary Bruno) to make all the graphics. The only things I’ve had to make so far (well, really just edit) are the acid and sticky walls, the gravity arrows, and the background a little. It looks good, but there are a few glitches I have to work out still. Hopefully it won’t stall progress much. I plan to make all the features first then start with the levels, so I can fix all known bugs. Pink walls = sticky walls, and green floors = acid floors. When you change the gravity, it changes the gravity of all the blocks, so it adds much more depth to the overall game. So many options for level design now. Also, the blocks come out randomly, but each level will still be possible no matter what. To play the first Clay, click here.

Also, yesterday I created a cool Christmas based graphic with GIMP. Basically I made two layers, the top one transparent and with the black outline, and the bottom one with all the colors. For the shading, I just took the paint brush, set the base color, and then lowered the opacity. All I had to do is go over the desired area a couple times, getting lower each time, to make it look darker. Today, though, I noticed the leg looked more like a piece of cardboard with green wrappings on it, so I changed the wrappings to look more rounded. Unfortunately, it’s still not looking the best, but I’ll continue to try to fix it.

Interesting, huh? It was a spur-of-the-moment idea, and took me about 30 minutes to create. I went for a REALLY colorful theme, as you can see from the image, with stained-glass and a giant candy-cane in the background.

-Nathan Wood

P.S. - Yeah, I know the post image is pretty pitiful. I just wanted to publish this fast. I figure the image included in this can make up for it, since I didn’t feel like prettying up the post topic. Really, does it matter all that much to you?

The past few decades have witnessed a substantial increase in the attention given by producers to their relations with various publics. There are many facets to public relations, which makes it difficult to develop a concise all-encompassing definition.

Public relations practice is the art and social science of analyzing trends, predicting their consequences, counseling organization leaders, and implementing planned programs of action which will serve the organization’s and the public interest.

Given the potential, advertising may provide an efficient instrument of communication in furthering the public relations of various firms.

Producers may have many “publics” to consider, including stockholders, employees, customers, prospective customers, professional educators, legislators, and citizen voters. All these and others have some interest in, and association with, specific firms. The attitudes that individuals and groups of people have toward the policies and practices of specific business institutions can have an important bearing on strikes, work slowdowns, consumer patronage, education of youth, and business legislation.

The means and ends of “public relations” advertising by producers are diverse. Generally, however, there is a common purpose—to favorably influence one or many of the firm’s public, in an inceasingly independent society.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, and my Lectures.

Held in a vise

Cruelly forsaken

Life has been hard

No sense in taking

Anything offered

It can’t be real

Life is too hard

No one could feel

Anything for the captive

Bound in his heart

Hard lines and words

When can he start

Seeing another world

Maybe its hard

maybe there’s a pearl

The captive can’t grasp

What he can’t see

Life in the making

Being offered for free

so how do i start…

I talked with my ex briefly today. I called Christina and Ashley crying tonight. Not about my ex at all. This has to deal solely with my mother. I just find it ironic that my ex was the first one i told. For those of you who don’t know. My ex and i ended horribly…so horrible. We made peace today. It was good. enough about him. lets get deep, shall we?

so my mom is leaving. My grandmother and i believe that this is the best thing for her. My step father is pretty bad. All  my good friends know that he is pretty much pure evil. He leaves her malnourished. I try to buy her groceries weekly, but i can’t always afford to to have the time.

My grandma and i have been talking about what to do with her. She is going to take care of her from now on. She is allowing her to move into the guest room in the house. My mom is the most important thing in the world to me. I only want the best for her.

My mom is happy to hear that I will be going to UMBC. I’m happy i’ve enrolled. I’m ready to progress with my life. I’ve been on delay for about a year now. I’ve been recovering a horrid breakup and a sickening mother. I can’t wait to be an artist therapist! it’ll be the shit.

I’m moving to Owings Mills with Larua and Joe ^_^

with reasonable rent and great friends and school and work nearby…I couldn’t be happier. Life is looking up.

Also, Thomas and I are going to New York City this weekend:] i can’t wait to spend that time with him!

oh yessssssssss

If you are diagnosed with high cholesterol has been, perhaps time to think of cholesterol in your diet. Although there are drugs on the market that work to lower cholesterol levels in the blood. However, there is no evidence that these products effectively prevent heart attacks and blood clots. Reducing the risk of these diseases can be performed as diet and exercise by other means. Even if the doctor hasprescription drugs, medications alone are not sufficient.

A diet with low cholesterol diet is the best way to promote longevity, to keep the arteries and heart goes to check in later. Understanding the best foods to eat, but it is easier said than done. If you have to eat what you want to use, suddenly need to navigate through the information on food, they feel very tedious to maintain. However, learning what not to eat as difficult as it may be. Yours

Let's start with some of the different types of fat. Most experts will tell you that the consumption of a diet low in fat is usually the best way to lower cholesterol. But a diet just to stay if you do. As you eat, at the end of fat, no matter which way you turn, it is important to remember that some are better for your cholesterol than others. The worst fats are hydrogenated or trans fats.

These are synthetic fatsoften in processed foods. Your body does not know what to do with these fats to clog and therefore, these unhealthy fats in your body and relax the arteries. If you cut only a step to get the levels of cholesterol, hydrogenated fats should be eliminated from your diet.

Saturated fats are high cholesterol and should be minimized. You can find these natural products, in any dairy milk, including butter, cheese and ice cream.Saturated fats are also in almost all foods, but especially red meat. You can tell how fat is a steak, if you look carefully and see the white lines that cross the cut. Skins are also poultry fat, although the meat itself is less. If your skin the chicken and cook in the oven, you have a meal relatively low in cholesterol.

Some oils can also get into trouble. Be looking for food with coconut oil, palm oil and palm kernel oil, because these are alsosaturated fatty acids. You'll find them available in many factory-made sweets and crisps.

Unsaturated fats are the fats you are free to enjoy. These are even lower cholesterol and reduce the chances of heart disease. If you are looking for a diet-label, seen as or monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats listed. In any case, they are safe to consume fat. Sesame, soybean and corn oil are all common unsaturated fatty acids.

Use whenever possible. Whenis protein, you should eat lots of fish. Are the unsaturated fats in a delicious fillet of salmon found nutrients wonderful for your body. Not only fish are low in cholesterol, but have shown that cardiovascular function improved significantly in all. They also seem to brain function and improve. You can enjoy a healthy heart and a healthy mind!

you have a friend who is really messed up but you can’t really help? I have a friend, a long lost friend that I recently reconnected with. I have been really happy to find her. We had a very unique and special friendship, borne out of a nasty situation and a mutual hatred of an evil person.

She has had a crap year, to put it very mildly and has all manner of bad luck thrown at her ranging from illness to divorce to, well, I really can’t say, but something that doesn’t happen every day.

I want to help her, be there for her. She has soldiered through much of this terrible stuff on her own.  Her mother has Alzheimer’s and her dad has his hands full taking care of her.  My friend didn’t tell them about her illness, not wanting to cause her mother any stress, or her father. A very unselfish thing to do. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for her. She said no one at her job had any idea about it. And yet she continued on.

Today, she got the latest blow in a series of really traumatic events and she was gobsmacked to say the least. She was completely blindsided by this and is in a real funk, as she puts it.  She lives in a different state , several over from me. I want to jump on a plane and go and see her, just to be a shoulder for her to cry on or take her out to a movie, but this is hardly the time of year I can do that.

she recently relocated for her job, so she really is all alone in that new city, which is never good when you’re in a low point in your life.

We talk on the phone, email, and chat online. I just listen to her talk about her problems, I can tell she needs that. She told me that I”m the only one who knows about all of it and I am honored that she trusts me with all of this. It’s difficult because I do want to help her and I don’t feel like I”m doing enough.  I have sent her a necklace, a pretty sterling silver cross that says “Live by faith, not by sight’ because sometimes, that’s really what you have to do. I just hate it because I am a doer.  I want to do something to help my friends, and I guess, maybe just by being here for her I am, but it just seems so insignificant to me when her struggles are so great right now.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? she is really stressed and is about at the end of her rope.  As she put it to me today, fried/wrung out/drained/tired/done.

***UPDATE***

I talked to my friend yesterday and she got vindication in one situation that had been causing her a serious amount of stress.  She also received a phone call and was able to obtain closure in another situation.  Needless to say, both of these things, especially coming on the same day, were really fantastic for her. She feels like a weight has been lifted, I could hear it in her voice. It made me happy too, to hear her sounding  more like her old self again.

i’m at work!

yes i’m updating frm my wrkplace.

i jst read thru a few thngs that i think i’ll be using in my report.

but there’s still a few thngs to go through, so many thngs that i have yet to be informed for me to carry out.

anyway

it’s the first day (!) of my industrial attachmnt / practical.

but the person in chrge at my deprtmnt was not around ths morning.

so i’m at another department, for now.

maybe i’ll be sent there by ths aftrnoon.

coming back to an empty house, work is probably a great distraction frm reality, for now.

at my new house / place that i’m staying in, evrybody’s working.

they work on weekdays

weekends

day

night.

and if they don’t work they’re usually somewhere else other than at home.

but they’re usually home at night (i think).

maybe bcause i kinda fall asleep first bfore knowing if the rest are back.

well it’s only been one night, but already that strange creepy lonesome feeling is there.

stupid heart.

stupid feelings.

toughen up lil’ soldier (!)

maybe bcause i’m jst worried bcause i found out ystrday [on my very first day staying at that place] that there has been a break-in before.

in that house.

in my room.

frm the rooftop through the ceiling of my room.

well.

of course i freaked out.

the break-in happened about a mnth ago.

and now evryone in the house goes out carryng their valuables

like every single day.

once again

of course i freaked out.

i mean, considering that the person who spoke to me about it mentioned it so nonchalantly

and whn i was askng thngs like : is that hole frm the rooftop and ceiling covered [aftr the break-in], that prson was like :

even if it’s covered [and sealed], if that thief / intruder wanted to break in, he’ll still break in [and get inside].

wow.

and that was said soo damn matter-of-factly like talking about the weather or the next election date.

unbelievable.

so if someone smashes your door and take your tv, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a door at all, huh(?) as long as you take your tv out evrytime you leave the house.

because if that prson wanted to break-in through your front door, he will still smash your door and get in.

(?)

is that it?

how smart.

does doing that feels better to you?

*is puzzled*

well, you see 

i’ve only jst started working / going through my practical here

i can’t carry evrythng with me whn i go out all the time.

i even have to minimize the thngs that i carry with me bcause in ths field of work you’ll never know what kind of task you’ll end up with.

so

i put my stuff at a secret stash

but i don’t know if it’s secret enough.

i don’t know if it works

today’s the 1st day tht i’m trying it out.

we’ll have to see if it works.

*is worried*

okay.

back to working (!)

I’ve said this a lot in the past year or so from keenly observing my friends’ Facebook and Twitter updates as they progress through their nursing or nursing related college courses. What I normally say is, “I will never ever understand why people choose this field of study.” I don’t mean that completely, though. I understand the benefits and that some people truly do want to help others but I know a lot of people are doing it just because they can’t think of any other major they are interested in. I don’t mean to say that as if they have a lack of character or imagination; if they do, it’s not a thing to frown upon anyways. Rather, I notice that these people who are forcing themselves to get through this are having an extremely difficult time.

Now, I’m no person for easy degrees and quick, short-cut routes through college. If you want to make something of your college career, you have to make it yours and do it 100% or else you’re not really a student, you’re just a leech. I opted out of doing an English major because I feel like that’s something that comes too easy to me and wouldn’t deliver a passion to me. I decided on Japanese Language and Business because I’ve had a fondness for both foreign language and business. I switched to that from Astronomy (and in turn, Physics) because it was too difficult, I loved it and still do but that’s more of a side thing I should get into later. I feel like the passion (or as Angel Batista from Dexter would say “La passion”) for learning should be there; a dream held tightly next to you as you scribble away at the lectures you subscribe to. I honestly cannot see much passion in Nursing programs.

Nursing programs are tough and extremely competitive, that goes without saying, but they can push people to the brink of mental exhaustion. One friend of my recently finished and began his work at a hospital back in Pensacola. Let me tell you, if he wasn’t studying for an exam for nursing, he was at the gym relieving stress. Now, he’s a certified R.A., a murse as I like to call him (male nurse, thanks Scrubs). But what did he trade his course books in for? 7pm to 7am shifts! That’s right folks, the beauty of all your hard work, now takes you to the grave shift at your local hospital. Might not sound so bad until you weigh the responsibilities of a nurse up on a scale. Nurses need to monitor patients in all those different ways that someone can get sick, including, but not limited to, physical checks, medicine checks, and fluids/test checks. I’m not exactly sure what all else they have to do but I’d imagine there’s a desk-full of paperwork to go through each day, too.

I’m just saying, I understand some of the reasons for a career choice like this but, honestly, why do some people push through with this? Like I said, I know some people who got into just because they couldn’t think of a different or slightly interesting major. It’s a shame to see them go through all that work knowing that their personality isn’t exactly a great mesh with that college of learning. I will say this, it seems nursing is a popular major choice among Filipinos. I have been entertaining the thought that most of my Filipino friends get into that major because of their parents urging them to do it on the assumption of lofty success and a nice, respectable title to tote around by parents and students alike. If I didn’t notice all the stressful faces I see on nursing students, then I probably wouldn’t type this entry up, but I do and it’s sparking curiosity.

I know I said taking the easy way out wasn’t a respectable thing to do as a student, but admitting to the difficulty at hand and going for a major that provides similar benefits is not a bad thing. I want to say to these guys, if you’re unhappy, take the risk and take an elective and entertain the thought of a career in Anthropology or Marine Biology, possibly even Special Education if you really want to help people. This is your life that you are deciding here in college. You can’t mess up and choose the wrong path because it is a path that’s surrounded on all sides and it’s difficult to find a new one once you’re at a steady pace.

Work is going well. Confusing having two screens though. I’ve been let loose on the system and have been updating records and sending out letters and emails. Made my first phonecall yesterday and had a really rude woman, my line manager told her off though. Another new girl started on Monday, she was at the same testing as me, and she’s really nice. And apparently one of the others from the testing is starting in January so we’ll be able to help her out a bit. Looks like I won’t get any money until 25th January as the payroll deadline is ridiculously early each month and my starting date of 9th December was already past the deadline!

Still have 1,800 words to write on my essay so I’ll be doing that this weekend.

Unsure as to what’s happening with Ninjaface now. Felt like the verge of a break up yesterday and he kinda made me felt like I shouldn’t have feelings. I can’t help having depression. I can’t be happy all the time. I need to work out if I want to be with someone who makes me feel that I’m not entitled to be sad every now and then. Writing it down I guess not. But I don’t know, maybe it’s just early days and it’ll sort itself out. I guess I just really need to take a step back and try not to invest much in this. Seems a bit of a waste of 10 years though. I wish I could just not focus on it, but it’s hard being told something negative is because of me. Especially when it’s something I have no control over. Just having a bit of support or a boost every now and then would be nice. We did have some laughy happy times last night too. And I need to realise that he’s more of an action person than a wordy one, which is different from what I’m used to.

Had nightmares all last night, well, when I could sleep seeing as K and J both came in at separate stupid-o’clocks and were really noisy. I know I could have gone out and asked them to be quiet but the tears were pretty constant last night.

Why can I not have some time where everything just goes right?

Why did I not check this yesterday?:

Confrontations

This is a day of critical culminations, when many activities and projects will come to a climax in your life. It is particularly important that you have worked with complete knowledge and understanding of what you were trying to accomplish. Even under the best of circumstances, you will confront others at this time. For most people the area of greatest unconsciousness in this regard is that of close personal relationships, as with family and partner. In these relationships you are most likely to experience the negative effects of this influence in the form of arguments and conflict. If you are in such a conflict, look carefully to see what is really at stake, if anything, and try to arrive at a workable compromise.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today: Sun Opposition Mars, exact at 11:53 activity period from 1o December 2009 to 12 December 2009.

EDIT: It’s all sorted and all good Squeeeeeeeeeee etc!

If an innovation is radical in the organizational sense, incumbents have two problems in exploiting it. In the first place, since the change is competence destroying, they do not have the capabilities to exploit it. In the second place, and perhaps more important, the firm’s existing capabilities may not only be useless, they may actually be a handicap to the introduction and development of the innovation. Firms find it difficult to break their habits, the routines and procedures they had put in place to exploit the old technology. They must unlearn the old ways of doing things. New entrants, on the other hand, do not have the burden of the old technology and can go on unencumbered to build capabilities for the innovation and exploit it.

If, on the other hand, the innovation is incremental, incumbents tend to dominate since the required knowledge builds on what they already have, but new entrants would have to build it from scratch.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, and my Lectures.

Today, i get letter form my cute sister, kana. After one week i wait her advice about my project. It is so simple but oh so good. Essence my personal project is explanition of islam for all people. You will see that it is quite difficult if you have previously tried to do so to your friends, family and neighbors. I am amazed with kana’s style. Her style is smart, amusing, briliant and enthusiastic. She will make you addicted to islam. I want to be like kana. But she do not allow me to copy her style. She advice me to explore my style. I like her statement below.

tiap pribadi itu unik
begitu juga anti
mari qt EXPLORE ke unikan qt
u bisa dijual dihadapan 4JJ
be ur self

*kana sang outlier*

Oke, let’s explore…
Do you have amazing experience about “kajian”, islam’s discussion or islam’s forum?
Please tell me!

The process of creating the second half of this blog (community, emblem, logo, with some additions to forum) was easier, only because I now know crafting a Mystory and Image of Wide scope is one of those projects that does not make perfect sense until it is complete.  This time around I had more trust in the creative process. I worried less about everything being just so.  I had accepted the fact that, until all the posts have been written, I wouldn’t know if what I created was anything insightful…or even good.

However, I found that Community was the hardest of all the categories to write about. Selecting David Yulee was an obvious choice. I am so very proud to be from Homosassa. It is a small town not to many people have heard about (which is their loss). Homosassa is my home and heritage, and that makes it wonderful. David Yulee was one of the first settlers, and the sugar mill that was once apart of his plantation still stands today. It is a major historic landmark that I drove past at least twice a day, five days a week, when I was in high school. 

Unfortunately, there wasn’t an abundant amount of information about Yulee.  Pretty much everything I found was either A) too dry or B) written in the early 1900s and almost too colorful to be considered wholly accurate. It was difficult to condense his life into three individual slices. I wanted to focus on the Homosassa stuff, even though his family only lived there for two years.  Since his family’s stay in Homosassa was directly related to the Civil War, it made since to fashion my Community narratives around pre-Civil War, during the War, and post-Civil War.

i’m home.

[just got back frm a very busy week away frm home].

but i’ll only be home for a few days.

next week will be the beginning of my industrial attachment. my 3-month practical/internship.

i’m nervous. about evrythng.

and now i’m kinda frustrated with somethng else.

i really have a problem with people who don’t even wanna try and make an effort to fulfil their roles as a person in their position and jst let themselves be whatever they wanna be and do whatever they wanna do at the point where it interferes with and disrupts every single thing that it should not be disrupting.

the reason(s)?, as they would like to call it, would be :

1. “because i don’t like it. so i don’t want to”.

2. “because i’m me. i can’t be that. i can’t do that”.

3. “because i don’t care”.

well EXCUSE me.

in life there will always be things that you don’t like, that you don’t wanna do, that you are not.

but that does not make it reason enough for you to get away frm it without fulfilling your roles AND your duties.

there are things that no matter how much you resent them you still have to perform them because you have to live for the purpose of which you are created.

there are thngs that YOU have to be ACCOUNTABLE for.

because human beings have responsibilities.

and that is final.

so when one party tries so hard and puts in their effort, shouldn’t the other party make an effort too?

shouldn’t we work as hard as the ones around us, and at least put in some effort?

it is not that hard to be polite. to have the decency to explain when it is needed. to turn the conversation into a communication instead of a one-sided affair.

to give CLARITY.

and to put one another’s mind AT EASE.

jst bcause i’m younger and you have somethng that i want, it doesn’t mean that you rule the game.

i am afterall giving somethng else that YOU want.

it is a deal. a business affair.

you should have already gotten the drift by now.

what is up with people(?) who’s jst too painful to talk to.

even if you hate communicating so much, you should have jst put that aside so that we could have a smooth sailing deal, wthout one prson having to repeat herself and asking [yet again], jst to get a clear view of this supposedly two-way affair.

oh my god.

right now

i really wish that i won’t [have to] see you.

not until the time comes for me to leave.

because this, is certainly unbelievably ridiculously horrendously incorrigible.

and SURPRISINGLY dumb [coming frm someone like you].