Its Christmas Eve, best wishes and goodwill to all and all that, but to be honest I personally don’t feel very festive at all at the moment, and I think there are probably a lot of folk out there who feel the same way.

I haven’t been sleeping well this week, in fact its got steadily worse during the week and I’ve been getting quite tired but I actually slept a little better last night. When I got up this morning we actually had snow, it had settled overnight and we had a decent coating on the ground, it was actually in danger of beginning to look like Christmas, but this being Barrow it didn’t last too long, it soon turned into a messy slush, all that’s left of it now is the odd little pile of mucky looking mushy snow here and there.

It being Christmas eve today I was hoping I was gonna feel more in the mood but it just hasn’t happened yet, it didn’t help this morning that I had to go to work, I know a lot of people will have been at work today but for me it just doesn’t seem right. Anyway I got up and dutifully went to work, it wasn’t busy which just led to the morning feeling long, uneventful and boring, I really didn’t want to be there and felt as though I shouldn’t have had to be there. I sat at my desk all morning, bored, trying not to fall asleep and feeling slightly disconnected from everything thing and everyone around me, a bit lonely really, I guess I could have made more of an effort to mingle and perhaps fill my time better but I just didn’t feel much like it.

Luckily the working day was cut short when everyone was allowed home midday, I arrived home with the idea of getting a few things done around the house but I was tired out and had a little bit of a headache so I decided to have a little lie down first, next thing I woke up and the afternoon was gone, it was this evening, an afternoon lost and nothing done. I woke with a proper headache, I started watching TV and trying to see what if anything the TV companies have provided to make it seem more like Christmas and the answer seems to be not a bloody lot, there is nothing much at all to make me feel festive on the TV this Christmas eve.

So I sit here with a headache, feeling very un-Christmas like and to be honest a little blue, my mind keeps wandering off to thoughts of better times and I’m feeling a bit lonely and sad, a little depressed in fact and certainly not happy as I think I should feel on Christmas eve. Please don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas in general, I always have, its just I don’t feel so good about it at the moment, its temporary, I’m afraid that for a few years now I’ve had spells of sadness around this time of year.

My eldest son visits me for an hour or two most evenings so I’m expecting him to arrive later and he will be company for a little while and tomorrow I’m going for dinner and to spend the afternoon with my mam, sister, brother in law and their kids for a proper family Christmas dinner, my lads will be arriving mid afternoon and all will be well, these thoughts will be banished. For the time being I’ll just bide my time and look forward to tomorrow, so I’ll say bye for now folks, be well and I’ll see ya next time.

I just heard from the computer repair tech we took my laptop to two days ago.

I knew I had something serious infecting my computer because it was eating away at my system and programs little by little, denying me access to certain web pages, my email, certain diagnostic tools on my computer.

They scanned my computer and found approximately 86 trojans and a worm infecting it. I was shocked. I had run my virus protection numerous times in recent days. One day it found two files infected and quarantined them, the last day it found no files infected.

He asked me some questions about my computer usage and I thought I would share them with my friends here.

“Do you use “Facebook”? If you do, do you answer surveys, quizzes or use applications?

Do you use “Limewire”, “Frostwire”, or any third party file sharing programs?

Do you get emails from friends that contain “powerpoint presentations”, videos or links? If you do, do you click on any of them?

I told him I visit Facebook minimally and I almost never answer quizzes or surveys and I don’t use applications or play games there. I don’t use any file sharing programs of any kind and yes I do get forwarded emails from friends that contain all of the above, sometimes I click on them, but I can’t look at pps because I don’t have a program that opens them on my computer.

I asked him about IE8, explaining that after updating from 7 to 8 is when I began having these problems. He said 8 is far more secure than 7, but IE as a rule is full of holes. “Active X” controls that are ‘required’ to use different aspects of IE are what make you vulnerable to spyware and malware.

He recommended “Firefox”. I told him I had used it on my desktop and removed it because it altered the way all my fonts, colors, pages looked, to the point of being a distraction and making it difficult for me to look at. He suggested trying it on the laptop because it doesn’t require Active X controls to run things like flash player, etc. He said most people who have trouble who switch away from IE see a dramatic reduction in malicious files, viruses, etc.

He asked why I didn’t have a good anti-virus protection on my laptop. I told him my Internet Provider offers the complete “McAfee Suite” as part of the cost of cable internet. He laughed and said “McAfee is nearly useless, it hardly catches anything.” He recommended software he could install for $39.99. He indicated that they aren’t aware of many people having any issues after using this product. (I wish I could remember what he called it. I had never heard of it before)

I asked him about messenger/chat programs and if they were generally safe. He indicated that they are as long as you don’t engage in file sharing, transfering, clicking on links or pictures through chat. I explained that I use “Pidgin”, opening all my chat programs, “Yahoo Messenger”, “AIM” and “MSN chat” through Pidgin rather than having each individual program installed on my computer. He said most people who’ve used Pidgin that he knows haven’t had any trouble as a result of it, so he recommends it.

I asked him about putting something like “AVG” anti-virus on our desktops, as opposed to McAfee. He said AVG is a good anti-virus, but it’s not meant to be used as a ’stand alone’ program, it requires additional firewall, spyware and malware programs.

So, my computer will be dumped and returned to me at factory settings yet again. I thought I had taken precautions to avoid this nonsense the last time this had to be done, I’m so careful about where I go online and if the site is something I trust, but obviously that wasn’t enough.

It will cost me approximately $120. I can’t have it back until Monday afternoon. So, for the time being, I’m using my hubby’s computer for a few minutes each day.

I feel so ‘disconnected’ from the outside world. I have to get my desktop up and running, as it took a power surge in the Summer that we believe fried my network card, it’s happened before. I have a card to put in, but just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Computers are a wonderful thing when they are working, but when they aren’t, they really suck!

by Dr. Brent Lipke DC

When Christopher Reeve aka Superman fell and broke his neck, his brain didn’t become totally disconnected from his body, or he would have died, but he did become partially disconnected brain from body. 

When this happened, less of the LIFE power from his brain flowed to his body and his body began to degenerate.

The day after his injury, although he looked the same, he was as disconnected from that LIFE power as he was ever going to be. 

Years later, before he died, how did he look? Muscles atrophied, organs weakened, but his body was the same amount disconnected from his brain as right after the accident.

All that changed, was time passed. What happened to superman in a second happens to people on a smaller scale every day due to the traumas of life.  They slowly get disconnected from parts of their body leading to disease.  Chiropractors focus on reconnecting this LIFE power between the brain and body, restoring normal function.

To learn more about how a safe, gentle and scientific, Chiropractic adjustment could TRANSFORM your health contact your chiropractor.  If you are interested in a complimentary consultation, CALL  The Family Chiropractic Centre, 519-837-1234. 

I’m Dr. Brent Lipke, educating you to help you educate others !

More than 20 million phones are likely to go on the blink from December 1 because the government has finally decided to pull the plug on phones without an identity number.

Non-IMEI Phones

Such phones may look fancy, but they lack one very critical feature which can prove to be costly – the absence of International Mobile Equipment Identity (IMEI) number.

This 15 digit number is critical for tracking any handset whether its lost or stolen or needs to be monitored by security agencies.

Now, the government has ordered all mobile companies to disconnect such phones from their networks from…… Read More

Years ago, I would never have thought that being without an Internet connection could be so crippling. Back then, we didn’t even have broadband subscription at home; what we had was one of those connections that required a prepaid card to access. I think I’ve really grown spoiled and soft around the edges. Waking up one morning not connected to the Net feels much like a nightmare, especially for one who has grown so dependent on it. From morning news over a cup of hot coffee, to correspondence sent at a touch of a button, to social interactions via networking sites, to research for an article, to blogging, to getting maps for a trip,  my whole life seems to revolve around the Net.

And so here I am, hanging out the local Internet cafe in my dinky neighborhood. It’s a veritable hole in the wall, with absolutely  no frills, not even airconditioning. Being without Internet access at home has reduced me to a snivelling Net junkie trying to get her daily fix of this addictive technology. 

While Globe Broadband tries to sort its connection and server problems, I must wait patiently and sever the umbilical cord temporarily. I will return as soon as my connection is up but until then, my Sylvanians are waiting for me.

Hope to see you again and soon!

♥Kittymama

A tear in my brain
Allows the voices in
They wanna push you off the path
With their frequency wires

And you can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes

A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say you’re getting better
But you don’t feel any better

Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
You wish you felt better
You wish you felt better

You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my

In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes

~~~~

Exactly how I’m feeling right now, I dunno…I feel disconnected, apathetic, like I’m a stranger here.

I wish…That I could talk to someone I trust, but they’re all so busy with their own lives, that they don’t recognise the long, slippery slope into depression which I am descending. I don’t hold it against them, I just wish someone knew and cared about me well enough to notice, that’s all.

“You know, I haven’t slept in weeks, you’re the only thing I seek”

I wish I had the idea for this blog when I started this job. A lot has happened, and there isn’t much to show for it. I’ll write some stories from the past year when they seem appropriate.

Just last week we made a new release of our software. It was late by three weeks. This is a huge improvement on the previous release which was four months late. It’s now the quiet period and the soup is stone cold. Someone should really heat it up to bring out the flavours. I do get the feeling that we’re just hanging around until work is thrown our way again. It’s like there is no clear direction, and no enthusiasm to make things better. The project manager wants us to fix bugs whilst the product manager is working out what the customers want. There isn’t any indication of how long this will last, although it should have been ready a week before the release. I feel disconnected.

In the meantime the project manager has me working on bug fixes in a research project that he will present at a conference on Friday. The fixes are easy, even if the code is ugly. More importantly, however, is that this gives me more direct contact with the project manager, and might make him more receptive to my ideas in the future.

I like this period. It gives me a chance to think about why we need to make changes.

Most people know the feeling of being disconnected, beside yourself, all over the shop, it is like being off track on a side rail somewhere with life passing you by. Here are some simple ways to foster and re ignite your Connection in your daily life.

As you wake in the morning take a moment to step into your day consciously. Say thank you, be in appreciation, voice an affirmation with feeling – I am enough

Enjoy some time with like-minded people.

Do one thing different every day:  This signals the universe you are ready for change.

Follow your intuition or gut instinct, everyone has it, it is usually the quiet whisper or that feeling that is trying to direct you to go down a specific path. Sometimes it can be really subtle and you wonder if it’s real, “if you’re wondering about it, it is real”

Decide how you want to feel and do something that moves you in that direction, just one thing.

“You have two voices with which you speak: your MindVoice and your SoulVoice. These two voices are also — all the time — speaking to you. Which voice you listen to will determine which voice you speak with. Listen  and speak   SoulVoice. This will vastly improve your personal communications — to say nothing of your mood.

Make your last thoughts of the day self supportive and encouraging, you are going to be sleeping with them all night. Suggestions – Show me a better way.  The unlimited resources of the Divine Source are at my disposal.  Thanks for all the amazing people in my day.  Bring on the miracles.  Let me wake feeling refreshed and renewed. Show me the next step.

Robert V @ Disconnect (BE) by Robert V

Robert V spinning the decks on Disconnect@Neerpelt(BE)

Je zweet je kapot @ Disconnect from Robert Vosmeijer on Vimeo.

Background Info://

Robert Vosmeijer a.k.a Robert V is the name behind the 18 years old Techhouse dj.

From a young age he is in love with the sound of Techhouse.

He started to turn on school party’s and weddings.

But when he was 14 he wanted more than just turn the music which people say he has to turn.

He wanted to turn minimal and tech sounds.

He choses to become a dj with a special sound, and started his own radio program which was called “housewerk”.

The gigs after that became bigger and bigger.

He won a dj contest in his town and gets with that a residence by the club he was playing.

In april 2009 he opened the queensday festival in his town on the mainstage.

Right now he has several party’s on his name including his own concept called: 10 Hoog.

“I hope people don’t remember my name but that they remember my sound”

Robert V

Enjoy The set lady’s und Gentleman’s

During the state opening of parliament yesterday the government outlined it’s plans for a digital radio switchover. The plans are part of the Digital Economy bill that goes some way to addressing issues outlined in the Digital Britain report that came out earlier this year. Many people are opposed to the digital switchover for radio as devices are not as easily upgraded as TVs and there are still quality issues with DAB. DAB+ goes some way to address this, however, most of the current DAB radios in the UK are not compatible with this newer standard.

There are a few notable omissions in the Digital Economy bill. Namely, the plans for 2mb broadband to be available to all UK households by 2012. The much debated broadband tax also failed to make it into the bill as it would require a new tax to be introduced.

Copyright issues are also addressed in the bill. The idea behind this is that it will be easier for people to use images online and not have to get permission.

The bill also contains Lord Mandelson’s controversial file-sharing plans that would allow the government to cut off people suspected of file sharing.

Via: What Hi-Fi?

The UK Business secretary Lord Mandelson has outlined plans to cut-off persistent illegal file-sharers from the Internet. Many countries have mulled over similar ideas, including France, and have all met strong opposition. UK ISPs have criticised the plans calling them ‘ill-conceved’ and ‘unworkable’. The main argument against the ‘three strikes’ policy is a human rights one.

If a man uses electricity to commit a crime, you don’t cut off his power. Electricity is a utility, not a service. Many groups have called for the Internet to be treated as a utility and recently, Finland have said that 1Mb Broadband is a right, not a priviledge. So, would cutting off persistent file sharers impinge on their human rights?

One issue raised by this is that of false positives. Peer-to-peer, or P2P, technology has been given a bad name over the last decade and perhaps wrongly. The technology itself is not illegal and has many legal uses. Skype, for example uses peer-to-peer technology and in the early days of the iPlayer, the BBC used P2P as a method for reducing bandwidth costs. Checking every single piece of P2P traffic would require the use of a technology know as Deep Packet Inspection. This involves checking each ‘packet’  of data sent between computers on the network. The problem with this technique is it is costly, ineffective and slows internet speeds.

File sharing is a problem for the creative industries worldwide and a solution has to be found. The music and film industries are losing vast sums of money every year to pirates. So what are the government planning?

The current plan would:

• As a first step, illegal file-sharers would have download caps imposed or their speed limited.
• Like the French scheme, there would be a ‘three strikes and you’re out’ policy.
• Disconnection would be a last resort.

The current plans could be put in place by April 2010 with rules becoming stricter in the Spring of 2011. The European Union would have their say before anything goes ahead. ISPs, including TalkTalk, have said they are prepared to challenge the measures ‘in the courts’.

Via: BBC News

I have an iPhone, but I almost never listen to music on it, I’ve even got a nice little bung to stop the headphone socket filling up with pocket fluff. Whenever I’ve tried to accompany a journey with the odd slice of breakbeat pie, I’m always left feeling slightly disconnected from reality and I begin to feel like I’m missing something. In some ways, I think the reason for this, is because I am.

Silence is actually silver coloured, it’s much cooler than the yellow overtone that Gold has. It’s silver because it’s fresher feeling, more realistically reflective and a truer mirror of other things. Silence is silver reflecting God and It’s often only when we shut up, that we realise that God’s been speaking and we’ve been playing the radio over Him. Not filling every moment with noise is often exactly what we need to do to get realigned, to realise God’s direction on our  lives, but also just to hear Him, to be in relationship with Him.

Here are a few more thoughts on silence.

(I appreciate that my opinion on Gold being less appealing than silver largely comes down to taste, but it’s my blog… ;  )

          
          ORACLE Configuration Manager (OCM) is a very handy tool, which collects your configuration information of your system and sends it to Oracle Support Servers. Your configuration information is automatically populated so that you don’t have to enter them each time you create a service request. The customer support representatives will see the systems associated with you and solve your problems accordingly.

OCM is supposed to connect directly to Oracle Servers to upload configuration data but it can also work in disconnected systems where database has no Internet connection. Here are the steps to use OCM  in disconnected systems;

Step 1: Setup OCM

# $ORACLE_HOME/ccr/bin/setupCCR -s -d

Here, -s indicates that you accept Oracle Configuration Manager license agreement. This is mandatory. -d indicates that you have a disconnected system.

Step 2: Create Relevant Users

# $ORACLE_HOME/ccr/admin/scripts/installCCRSQL.sh collectconfig -s <SID>

The command above will create a user called ORACLE_OCM in your database, which is needed during configuration collection. The account will be locked by default. Do not unlock it.

Step 3: Manually Start Configuration Collection

# $ORACLE_HOME/ccr/bin/emCCR collect

This command will collect configuration information of your system and pack them in a file which will be located at “$ORACLE_HOME/ccr/hosts/<HOST_NAME>/state/upload/ocmconfig.jar“

Step 4: Upload The Configuration File To Oracle Servers

Here are the steps to upload your configuration data to Oracle Servers defined in note 763142.1

a. Copy the file $OCM_CONFIG_HOME/ccr/state/upload/ocmconfig.jar to a host which has access to the Internet.

b. Log in to My Oracle Support with the Metalink Account

c. Go the Service Request tab

d. Create an SR with the following

* Support Identifier: must be the same as the one stored in the collection file

* SR Type: select Standard SR

* Brief Problem Summary: enter “Upload of ocmconfig.jar – DD-MON-YYYY

* Brief Problem Description: enter “Upload of ocmconfig.jar – DD-MON-YYYY

* Product: select “Oracle Configuration Manager”

* Product version: enter the version of your collector “10.3.1″

* Platform: select your platform for the collector “Microsoft Windows XP”

* Platform Version: entert the release for your platform “5.2″

* Database Version: enter any database release “10.2.0.4″

* Type of Problem Category: select “Upload of ocmconfig.jar (OCM Collection Disconnected Mode)”

* Do not upload any files at this time in the SR creation process

* Complete the template details

* Submit the SR

* You are back to the Service Request Home Page and you can see your SR in the section “Service Requests”.

* Select the new SR

* Select the Upload link

* Upload the file ocmconfig.jar

Select the Browse to locate the ocmconfig.jar file and once the field “File Name” is populated . The file ocmconfig.jar is displayed in the “Attach File” window. If you have more than 1 ocmconfig.jar file to upload they must have unique names and you can use the tar or zip utilities to create a single file to upload.

* Click on Upload

I’ve just had to endure 24 hours without internet. For some reason my connection just dies for no apparent reason and the service provider say they can’t see anything wrong.

What’s really annoying is that its prevented me from writing my database for uni again. It did the same thing when I tried to write it last week.

If I’m paying for the internet, it should be there when I need it!

Every Soul Counts

Many times we can feel lost and disconnected. But no matter how far out you feel, you are connected. We are all connected. Look on a map and see all of the towns, even the smallest towns have a road connected to another one. We are never trapped, we are always connected, there is always a way out or a way in at all times. Every soul counts, every soul is connected.

There’s no denying that my generation has developed an unprecedented dependency on the internet. But just how far does that dependency go? Can Google give us everything we need?

WordPress Dashboard shows me what people typed into their searches that brought up my blog. One of the recent searches was “im a student what should i do if”…

I’m sure there was more, but I guess WordPress has a limit to how many words of a search it will show me. The ambiguity intrigues me. I very much want to finish the sentence. I see this search as a desperate cry to the internet to answer some burning question, seek some sage advice. Dear Google, help! I don’t know where else to turn. Let’s brainstorm.

I’m a student. What should I do if…

• I have swine flu
• I don’t know what I want out of life
• I’m failing
• I’m pregnant
• I want to ask him/her out
• There’s a rabid squirrel in my room

OK, so those are just a few possibilities. What should this person do? We know it’s a student. We know the student doesn’t know what to do. We know they turned to the internet for answers and we know that their search yielded my blog as a result.

I have this sinking feeling that I didn’t help the searching student. How could I? Can the internet really do for us what we’re now turning to it for? I’m sure I’m blowing this out of proportion, but the wording of it just made it feel like the beginning of a Dear Abby letter to me. Maybe this is the new technological progression of the Dear Abby column. What does it mean? We can’t go to our own friends and family for advice. We feel isolated and alone. We want someone to talk to, but who can we trust, if not those closest to us? At least Abby had a real person, albeit a stranger, writing back to us on the other end. What does the internet give us? Automatically generated electronic results from a multitude of known and unknown sources. Cold, impersonal, computerized suggestions that may or may not apply to our question.

I know I’m not the first to say this, but I do believe that the more technologically “connected” we become, the more disconnected we become in our personal lives outside the computer screen. Why call when you could text? Why text when you could Facebook? Why ask a real person when you could get a million more answers from a search engine? I hope we never lose our personal connections– it would be a steep, steep price to pay for progress.

I have a hard time understanding God’s capacity to forgive and forget…

My thoughts feel so scattered.  I find that I often like the stillness that comes in the quiet. I find it comforting.  I need to clear my mind, but I feel as though there is so much up there all jumbled together that it will take weeks just to sort through the floating pieces.  I have a hard time forming meaningful thoughts and at times catch myself not knowing what to say to people.  So tonight I drove in silence while trying to piece together the thoughts on my heart.

At times I feel it would seem so much easier to be selfish in life.  I want to say that my thoughts and feelings are the most important things that matter and if I am unhappy or upset, that is the way the rest of my environment should be portrayed.  I want to hold hurt near to me as a sense of self-identity… a mark of significance in my identity versus that of others.  Simply put, by definition, to be selfish is to be consumed with self.  And it is natural for me to want to be consumed with myself… with my thoughts, my feelings, my hurt and pain…

I can’t get over the image of how this must affect God.
See… for as hard as it is for me to forget the hurt that I’ve felt so many different times from so many different people, how much harder must it be for God to forget the times that I have sinned and hurt Him… ?

Of course this monologue could continue in a lengthy discussion encompassing the Holy Trinity and sin nature… to understand my earthly identity from my spiritual identity, compared to the identity of God… but this is not where my thoughts are disconnected from my heart.

Really, I think I am just in awe of God’s capacity to love me.  To forgive me and to forget my sins… to truly wash me clean when I say I am sorry and pursue me in a gentle manner that sets aside the hurt I have caused.  And here I am having a hard time forgetting the times that I have been hurt in some form…

…who am I?

I deserve nothing, and yet act as though I have a right to carry around the weight of hurt that I feel.  If I say I want to ultimately be like Christ… I must ultimately learn to live in the un-natural.  It is unnatural for me to put my feelings aside and move forward in grace, yet this is what I want.

I want to be unnaturally forgetful.

New image in the solitude photography contest

cropped, sharpened …
Disconnected photography picture

Great word slack.  So descriptive…

Certainly not using it in the business sense, nor is it anything physical (ooer missus), but more in terms of my updating you on my travels in straaaaailyaaaa.

Well, to be honest . It’s just been ok.

Sydney on paper, scores well. Good centre of commerce, business opportunities, stunning weather, views, established ‘cool’ scene, plenty lovely bars, restaurants, clubs and although it has The Opera House, it does score fairly low on the cultural side.

The harbour and ‘that view’ are picture perfect, but Sydney itself is a 60% facsimile of a city like London. Sorry Sydney-siders I know that will not be a popular view, but despite trying I just find myself a little disconnected, unable to emotionally connect (jeez, get me to Oprah’s couch), with this as a place.

That said, I’m having a grand old time.

Great working with my very talented colleagues out here (unsung heros in my book), and I’m living the life with my apartment, dinners out every night, you know how it is. I’ve also been lucky enough to catch up with a couple of old agency mates (one more to go), caught up with someone I worked with donkeys years ago randomly in the six degrees of separation exercise (although out here it’s more like one or two), eaten in a lot of lovely eateries, etc, etc, etc…

This weekend however, the tour takes me to Melbourne. A city I love!

It has a cultural heart. It has a European soul. It has blue blood running through its lovely little veins. The weather might throw four seasons at you in one day, but by god it’s stunning. When I was here three years ago, I was there for about five days, two of which I sadly spent bedridden with a horrible flu (my travelling companion found plenty to stay occupied with however!).

So, it’s off to see Pinky and Princess Jay, who is the little sis of one of my closest high school chums. They’ve prepared the West Wing for me, and I can’t wait to see them. More tonight on the Kodak moments of the past few days, a jesus racing van (seriously!), Alf Stewart, the odd Opera House snap, and a few of the reasons why I do like Sydney…

Iain is ready for Melbourne!

I’ve had a couple of days…maybe more of feeling generally disconnected…it’ll pass….I’ve been keeping myself busy cleaning out junk drawers, simple little tasks…I’ve done two loads of laundry, which I’ve yet to put away…I’ve sorted, wrapped and counted $91.oo in coins, which I’ve yet to get deposited in the bank. I’ll need to have someone do that for me….that’ll pay for my copay for my next Dr.s appointments, plus transportation….I also have a pile going of jackets, sweaters, shirts, books and other shtuff that need a new home.

blah

There is a light mist outside, I have a pineapple upside down cake in the oven and will make a casserole for dinner this evening. I may make a pot of coffee and indulge in cake before the boys get here….then I’ll watch them demolish it. I have a companion with me, he is curled up in my bed…it is nice to have company, hear other noise besides me hobbling around.

yum

I started catching NCIS, Criminal Minds and CSI on DVR, there are so little choices in primetime and for that matter daytime as well…I peruse the TV guide and set it up for the day, I try to have it at 80% to 90% full because weekends are worse, there is just nothing to watch….I should be reading more….but I can’t afford new books and I can’t get to the library….I’ve got a few books started I should try yo get them all finished and get rid of them.

I’m off to check on my cake….it smells good…then pop a pill and take a nap….

They pass through the crowd, swirls of color surrounding them

A mash of music genres ringing in their ears.

They are faceless and nameless

unengaged, disconnected, emotionless.

To them it doesn’t matter what time it is, or even what day.

They don’t care – about life, about others, about love.

Or do they?

Can anyone really pass through life without feeling?

Without seeing?

Without experiencing joy?

Are they the ones who are faceless and nameless, or is it the opposite?

Hmmmmmm… interesting.

I want more than this!

I want God to take my ordinary life and make it extraordinary.

I want to see, to hear, to feel, to love,

And to live!

What do you want from life? 

How will you get it?

I know that  my peeps have been  checking for a new blog, so I just thought I would take a few minutes to save you some time.  This is the thing–starting tomorrow, for 6 days, I will be roughing it!!  I will have NO internet access, I will have NO cable TV, and probably NO TV to fall asleep to when I go to bed!!  YIKES!!  

Tomorrow I  am flying to MN to paint.  Angela and Nick just bought their first house!!  So, while they are off to work I will do my best to turn this house  into their cozy, comfy home!!  That is my job and I love it!!  Besides the fact that I will have to go through computer/cable withdrawals, I am really looking forward to this trip.  I love my kids and I love to paint, so this is the best of both worlds!  But before I leave, I just felt the need to let you  all know that you can save your clicks.  There will be no new posts until I return to civilization!  In other words I will be “on the DL”!  Ta Ta for now

Last night before the Sufjan concert, I made a pact: Write every day, for 69 days.

“Why 69?” asked Randy in the throng right before the lights dimmed into green and yellow on the stage. I shrugged. “It’s just a number. The one that came to me.”

The idea came on Sunday, after I wrote about granola bars. So that should be entry No. 1. And this is 3.

I’ve always gotten nervous with commitment. When I commit to something, I raise a concrete wall. Eyes fixed on the wall, I see a silver spatula slathering on another slab of concrete with each step I take. So the closer I get to the goal, the higher the wall rises. The less sky I see, the more disconnected I feel. And then I start to suffocate, and soon enough I veer sharp left and opt for the exit.

To avoid opting for the exit this time, I decided that I won’t mind if some of the entries come out bad. On the nights I can’t string sentences together, I’ll be honest, write just a few and make a quick bow before bed. And on those days where I really can’t sit down and pull one thought together — whether it’s because I’m feeling uninspired, drunk or tired — I’ll write, “I have nothing to say today.”

I expect a few strings of “I have nothing to say today”s in the months ahead. And so, anticipating these road blocks of sentences, I’m prepared to jump higher to get past them instead of changing direction.

—

I have an article to write. It’s 10:09 p.m. The wine glass that was supposed to accompany the muse during my hours of writing is three-fourths empty now. I haven’t written a word yet. I haven’t even finished going through the research.

But I have spoken to Boy. We’ll call him that here. Boy called, and we spoke for 45 minutes, a vital interval of the night that I had sectioned off for writing. Now I’m behind … but I don’t feel behind. In fact, time seems to wake with me but stop short on the steps outside my building every morning and watch me go off alone into the distance these days. It watches me pass it by too when I return home in the afternoons and only creeps back up and slips under the door in bed with me  when the lights are off and I’m fast asleep.

And so, away from the eye of time again tonight, every minute of the conversation was exhilarating. You know how you feel when you speak to a crush … silly, and like you say the wrong things?

Well, with Boy tonight, I felt only a little silly, and most of the time I said the right things, and they just happened to be the real things, the real me, and his rolling laughter echoing at the other end of the line from some little room in Manhattan made me feel complete as I lay a borough away from him on my bed, my foot bobbing on my other knee while I was looking at the ceiling and chuckling, feeling like I was part of a pure teenage experience, where you’ve left all your homework till late and you’re still blabbing on the phone with some friend about some things insignificant right then and in the scheme of life and yet important for your spirit and that age.

A run-on there, yes — which I will not use in the article, mind you — but that’s also how life itself is sometimes … it flows in like a torrent, taking with it everything in sight, plans, deadlines, thoughts, feelings.

The bad thing is that when the water settles again and you hear time tip-toeing up the stairs, the deadlines seem a bit more looming than before.