NOTE: I am on a missions trip/internship to Africa and will be gone until 5/25.  Please pray for God’s work to go forth mightily, for protection for myself and those with whom I will be working, and for my wife in my absence!  Thank you…I cherish your prayers!  You will be receiving DayBreaks as usual (from the archive) after today until I’ve returned.

Recently, an old co-worker and friend of mine named Wayne Schaffnit shared an insight that I thought was great.  Here’s what he said: “Comparison is the root of all unhappiness.”  I don’t know if that is something Wayne read or if it is an original thought, but I think it is spot on! 

Consider this passage from Exodus 20:17: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Do you see it?  Where does coveting start?  With comparing your house to your neighbor’s…and wanting one that you believe is better than the one you have.  It starts with coveting your neighbor’s wife because she is more attractive or talented than your own, it comes when you compare your servant with theirs, your animals with theirs…anything that you have can be compared with someone else’s and what is the result of the comparison?  You become unhappy with what you have – with what God has given you and the situation in which He has put you.  Comparison really is where coveting begins.  We wouldn’t covet if we weren’t comparing – good, better, best. 

Perhaps the only thing we should be comparing on a regular basis is our life to Christ’s.  I believe this comparison is appropriate – it reminds us of the goal that God has set for us – to be like Jesus.  All other comparison can be deadly.

James 4:2a – “You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.” 

Copyright 2013 by Galen C. Dalrymple.

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And who is in control of that? You! You can control your own speech if not one of others, and be a person of culture – lady or gentleman – in any circumstances. When we criticize others our account in Karma Bank  gets empty very fast. Thus all the good things that we have disappear and we have nothing to give.  Many want to be in control of others but they are rarely intended or capable to be in control of own tongue.

Can you be the one who will start to change the situation – say something good, or say nothing!

For the purpose of this post, I refer to soul or spirit – to me this is soul, spirit, subconscious – or whatever you may refer to that bit of you that is completely unique and truly beautiful..

And this need for more external satisfaction of ego leads to soul splitting internal dissatisfaction.  Infecting the spirit so much, that suddenly our soul purpose has gone, and a sole ego purpose is now pursued…

The internal sadness grows, not because to want things in life is wrong in any way – but because the inability to be present in this moment;  to recognise desires of the ego over the footsteps of the soul, leaves an unpleasant feeling.  To have total awareness that in this very second, you actually have everything is all it needs for the thirst to be quenched.

To know that actually, if you take a moment to look at your wants – that you want more of ‘x’; you would possibly realise that this want doesn’t come from the soul’s needs, for it has none – it comes from the ego’s needs, the ego is what wants more, your spirit, your soul, your subconscious - doesn’t require a thing…

This is not to say that we should not have great dreams and desires – but it should not cause the negative repercussions that I see all too frequently and myself have experienced all too painfully.  It is wonderful to earn enough so that you can smile a light foot each day and earn enough to reach out to your soul purpose, but if it’s desire becomes your preoccupation you will never have enough of the stuff.  Sex is a beautiful thing, and why not have lots of it!  After all, sex most definitely is some kind of internal connection to an unknown dimension (well something like that anyway ) – but ‘not getting enough’ is a slippery slope to ego behaviour that will leave you burnt.  Food is nourishment if you choose wisely and will aid you in the creation of the greatest version of yourself, but too much of foods that hold little value to your physiological improvement, will leave a negative distaste and a possible lifetime of illness.

And this is not to be mistaken with the quiet discomfort of the need to create change – not this feeling.  This feeling of never having enough is one that will, if left unchecked – will quite simply destroy you; or cause situations in which in a darkened moment of need to be satisfied, will leave you making ego choices that the soul would be saddened that you made.  Quiet discomfort however, is wonderful and should be listened to and acted upon, with the ferocity it deserves.

The soul, however will tell you a different story…

If you listen closely enough…  It will tell you to take a deep breath, when you have those moments.  Where you feel not the urge to do more, and be more, and create more, because it is what your heart and soul desire.  But to want more because your ego is controlling the steering wheel of your life.

It will simply tell you this… That in this moment you have everything you will ever need….

Turn your thoughts on their head, and be happy…  Life is too short to get caught in the I want more, but too long not to have the phrase ‘I want to be more…’

With Love and Happiness,

Katie B, 2013

Eyes burn red
from salty sleepless nights.
I see the blood chug
Thick through the capillaries.

Outside the circle the night
Like a wall of static sound
Dark and blatant
Encroaches
Deafeningly loud.

Some days the world heaps itself on top of you.
It pulls at the strands of your hair and rasps
its uncut nails over your semi-healed wounds
Snagging at the scabs and leaving little
Snail trails of your own half dried blood.

Some nights the world leaches into your life
Like an ocean of sand
Grain by blistering grain
Hot and slow
Until you are completely dry
And devoid of hope.

At those times I close my eyes,
Hum quietly to no one
And try and convince myself
That you are worth it.

But before you do, you should also maybe try to find out why your job is so boring. If the tasks are not demanding, you could try to talk with the management of the company. Maybe you are just unchallenged with the current tasks and therefor bored. Not being challenged can cause boredom and dissatisfaction.

Monotonous work can lead to boredom as well. Maybe you need some alternation to cure the boredom. All that could be addressable. If your management is good, then you can work out solutions. If this is not possible then you should at least start to think about your abilities and if there are alternative jobs or company’s where you could use your untouched energy better.

Nobody knows what you want. You must ask yourself. If you think you have the most boring job, then there is indeed a problem. If my job is boring, then I must find out why. There are many people who think that they have the most boring job in the world. Some people find solutions, others simply do accept the situation and some never would. If my job is so boring, then it will automatically lengthen the time of a day. And for sure this can be a horror. Time will not go over because of the boring job. This can really be a pain.

This is why I mean the problem must be either discussed in the office or if nothing helps, you will need to start looking for alternative jobs.

Dissatisfaction over a long period can make you mad. You must listen to your feelings. Talking about it with friends or the family might be good too. It can be a good way to find new ideas and also good because you get more aware of your feelings if you talk with your loved ones about your problems.

Fact is… if your job bores you day in and out, then you will lose long-term motivation anyway. So, address this in the office or seek a new job.

Stranger than that is while the first, innocent people could not find satisfaction in God’s Paradise, we, even as sinners, try to get satisfaction on a cursed Earth.

Knowing that the nature of mind is to feed on desires (that it generates LOL) is very evident from our own lives. When we were kids we wanted to go to the next level of class (fast), then get out of school and ‘enjoy’ college life but the moment we stepped into college our minds dropped that ‘desire/craving/wish’ like a hot rod and stretched towards another desire of getting a job, then followed better job, then marriage, kids, and it goes on and on and on. In business its the same thing have you ever noticed satisfaction in WallStreet? believe me you wont find it there.. ever! and its the same nature of our mind at work, stay dissatisfied with what you have in hand and keep running after the next goal…. You see where this is going… we keep running after that which we dont already have.. running running running until the life force in the body ends and then what?… does it end there?…. well.. not really…. Those desires will bring you back to this planet (or some other in another dimension or in this same universe) and your mind will continue to do what it does best… OH! and what about those desires that were born in the previous lifetimes? they will have their impressions in this lifetime and will also get multiplied when you share those desires with others around you

When you have mastery on your desires you’ll know how to handle other’s desires and thereby make you a better communicator and leader. You’ll know how to manage other people much better and give them better incentives (based upon their own desires for money, power, promotion, praise etc). You will get better in strategy to decide the future course of action for your business.

The one who understands this nature of mind (as i described above) will become mind-full of it and will let the mind do its tricks.. not fight with it but see it in action and smile back at it .. sometimes even play with it but yet stay in control instead of dancing like a mad monkey jumping from one desire to another. This mindful observation of this nature of mind is sometimes called meditation.

Thirty excited children in a classroom–wiggling, squirming, trying not to talk out loud for fear of correction, waiting for the school day to begin.

The teacher stands, calms down the hum of thrill and says, “Repeat after me: I am special.”

Thirty young voices respond in unison.

The teacher continues. “I am unique.”

Again, a chorus of youngsters faithfully parrot the phrase.

The teacher concludes, “People need to accept me.”

As the classroom finishes the last phrase, they cheer and clap their hands. Thus begins the school day.

There is an assumed supremacy being passed on in our time under the guise of establishing good self-esteem.

It began in the Garden of Eden when Eve was tempted, convinced that eating some magical fruit would make her smarter. It continued with her sons battling for supremacy, ending in a notorious murder.

Moving along in history, you had Pharoah, who needed to oppress the Jewish nation in order to confirm his own dominance. Alexander proclaimed himself Great to get license to conquer and oppress the world.

Even though we are an honorable nation, our history is speckled with an inclination to be superior, whether it was the Native Americans, the blacks from Africa, the Chinese–well, each and every country arriving here had to take its turn at being presumed inferior.

It was the byline of a man named Adolph, who rose to power in Germany by telling the populace that they were “special, unique and people needed to accept them.” In the process of establishing this assumed supremacy, other folks needed to be shoved into gas chambers to confirm the concept.

You can see, it is a dangerous philosophy. It is a mindset that causes people to settle in, accepting their own eccentric behavior instead of soul-searching for better choices. It is a universal drug of words poured into the mainstream of entertainment and education, which dopes up the public to believe that since “we were born” some certain way, there really is no need to be “born again.“

Any sensation of supremacy will eventually need to reinforce its point with violence. Any challenge to our supremacy will require that we defend ourselves and commit acts of treachery. We will end up surprising ourselves with how bigoted, angry and frustrated we are if we persist in pursuing the false premise that “we are fine as we are.”

A certain amount of dissatisfaction is necessary to find lasting satisfaction. So since this pseudo self-esteem has come in the front door of our culture, what can we do to address it kindly, but usher it out the back door?

That sounds like a great topic for tomorrow.

The producers of jonathots would humbly request a yearly subscription donation of $10 for this wonderful, inspirational opportunity

Do you suffer from ‘more than occasional’ depression symptoms?

Do you consider yourself your personal worst enemy?

Do you live your existence with uncertainty, always trying to live up to the criteria others set for you?

If you answered yes to any of above questions, you’ll be interested in the following depression self help info.

Depression (or prolonged sadness) is really a diagnosis that has become very common in the United States. It has been mentioned that more than nine percent of the United states population actually is affected with this disease. The sad truth is very few of them will actually seek treatment. As a consequence, depression and its ill-effects are a continuous weight to these poor ill-fated individuals. Depression might seem quite easy to deal with but in reality, it takes more than a little cheering up to really cure depression.

A visit to an expert therapist is a good idea to obtain access to the prescription medications that the doctor will recommend. Of course, neither the doctor’s visit nor the meds come cheap, but the amount of depression-caused suffering is enough cause to take action. It is advantageous to face depression symptoms head on through the numerous treatments which are available these days.

On the other hand, there are less expensive procedures that a patient can undertake. We can all avail ourselves of self help treatments that fit well into any depression treatment strategy. To that end, I’ve detailed 7 actions that all depression symptoms sufferers should follow:

Depression self help action #1: People can only get the best of you with your authorization.

Don’t give it to them. When you allow somebody get the best of you than you’re really letting them win. In life we are faced with the joy of living life or the pain and disappointment of not living life to its fullest extent.

Depression self help step #2: Remember that you are who you are because of you.

Other people’s perceptions of you should be discounted. At the end of your life the only important question will be: “Did you live your life as you saw fit?”

Depression self help step #3: Determine what is important to you.

Do you know who you are? Are you happy with your self as you are? These two questions should be answered for you personally to help make any progress.

Depression self help step #4: Remember that you are in charge of your destiny.

Repeat this on a regular basis: ‘I am in charge of my future, and it is up to me and only me to live my life’. It is essential to establish practical targets for yourself, and do your best to fulfill them.

Depression self help step #5: Don’t become your own worst enemy.

Occasionally it is just a matter of putting yourself first. If you are able to love somebody else, why can you not love your self? You need to realize that you’re a decent person, and deserving of being loved

Depression self help action #6: In no way lose sight of who you are, and what you stand for.

If someone disses you simply because you don’t meet their standards, it’s not your issue; it’s theirs. Life can be loaded with discontentment if we live every day attempting to get the approval of other people.

Depression self help step #7: Stay true to yourself and your beliefs.

Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself even when it can feel unpleasant, and in no way let anyone influence who you ought to be. Believe in your self, because the one individual you can rely on is you.

Conclusion:

So that you can successfully fight depression, you should keep your emphasis on the above steps. Having successfully done so, you’ll eventually discover your depression symptoms lessening. And eventually, you’ll be back to living a normal lifestyle. You’ll be able to look in the mirror at the end of each day and see your best friend!

ClientTell Answers are experts when it comes to Adult Dating, Sex Advice, Romance, Health and Fitness, and Self Help. To find out more, visit their website at
http://dating.clienttell.com
.

(C) Copyright 2013, ClientTell Answers. All Rights Reserved.

This weekend I got the email that every designer dreads….

“I  am disappointed with how the project has turned out….”

My heart sank and I broke into a cold sweat because what the client didn’t like wasn’t a sofa or wallpaper, but a wall — a whole veneered wall.  It’s the focal point of the room.  It was a bitch to install and it will be a bitch to do whatever with…….  But I understand — why settle for something that you are not happy with especially when you have the opportunity to fix it.

At this point, I have to prepare myself for the worst (rip it out and start again) but hope for the best (slight tweaks with faux finishing) but in the end, I have to see this as a learning experience.  Somewhere along the way, communication broke down and expectations were not set.  The client’s reality, is what matters, so let’s see what I can do.  This week will definitely be a test but a right of passage that every designer must travel……

Hopefully your weekend left you recharged and ready to face those problems that arise in your own work life!  Here is to overcoming barriers and being better for it!

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Without the correct understanding about things, or not knowing the truth of things, all these impermanent good and bad qualities of names and forms do not guarantee us peace and happiness. We still can be dissatisfied and be disturbed by anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, pride, arrogance, agitation, depression, fear and worry, and etc, as we have attachment, craving and aversion towards things that we like and dislike, things that we agree with and disagree with…

Peace of mind doesn’t come from good quality of names and forms. It is going beyond the identification with all these impermanent good and bad qualities to determine who we are or what we are… It is non-attachment towards all these names and forms. We are able to accept the reality of everything as it is, not necessarily the way that we like it to be or what we think it should be…

Only when we are not attached to, nor determined by all these impermanent qualities of names and forms of good and bad, positive and negative, happiness and suffering, as who we are or how we should feel, then we can fully make the maximum out of this life existence…

We are leading our life to do our best in what we can do with this life, this body and this mind. But if we depend on all these impermanent qualities of names and forms to determine us, then it will be the opposite, we will be lead by all these impermanent changes of names and forms…

We will never have peace or be truly happy as we will be forever restless and dissatisfied because the nature of life and all the things that come along with life are impermanent. Even if everything is the way that we like it to be in the moment, we might feel satisfy and happy about all these good quality of names and forms that we like and want in the moment, but this satisfaction and happy feelings are not pure. It is a mixture of dissatisfaction, fear and worry. It’s because everything is impermanent, constantly changing. And we have attachment towards this good quality of things to feel good and meaningful. Due to craving and clinging towards all these good quality of things, we don’t want them to change into something else that we don’t like, but we couldn’t stop all these things to go through changes or impermanence… Eventually when all these good or happy things changed or disappeared, we feel dissatisfy, disappointed, lost and empty…

And even if we don’t experience any things that are not good in the moment, we are still full of aversion towards bad things, bad happenings or bad conditions. We are full of fear and worry even though nothing bad is happening now. We are disturbed by imaginations and anticipations about bad things, bad happenings and bad conditions that might going to happen on us…

There is no peace no matter everything is good now and nothing bad is happening, because we cannot avoid fear and worry and dissatisfaction that derived from attachment, craving and aversion, due to being ignorant about the truth of things. If we are able to let go of craving and aversion that comes from attachment towards the qualities of names and forms, then naturally peace and happiness is here, unconditioned and undetermined by all the impermanent qualities of things…

That should be the guideline for quality of life (existence)… It is not determined by whether our living condition is abundance or scarcity (in terms of all the basic needs and wants in life, such as food, clothing, shelter, things, education, career, wealth, possessions, relationships, friendships, enjoyments, physical health and abilities, and etc…). People who live a life of luxury and enjoy high quality things don’t necessarily have a high quality of life. A monk who renounced the worldly way of life, or even a man living on the streets can have a high quality of life. People who have very good physics, health condition and physical abilities don’t necessarily have a high quality of life. People who have poor physics, health condition and physical abilities can have a high quality of life. We are able to live life to the maximum and meaningfully without being determined by the different qualities of things, conditions, situations, physical conditions and abilities, and etc, that we have or don’t have…

There is nothing wrong with people who believe in accumulation of wealth, good condition of health, good physics and abilities, success in relationships or career, material possessions and sensual enjoyments as the foundation of happiness and value of life… There is nothing wrong also with people who believe in contentment, generosity and kindness as the source of happiness and value of life… It can be anything depending on what we really want. At the end it is our own choice and believe in what we want and whether we are going to be happy with what we want and what we can achieve… Most people don’t really happy or be satisfied with what they want… Some people think having more things in life will be happy but not necessarily. Some people think having less things in life will be happy but not necessarily… It is up to us whether we are satisfied and be happy with what we have and what we don’t have in the present moment now…

Happiness and value of life is not to be judged or determined by how the society think or believe what happiness and value of life are… Our life is centered on how we feel and think, and not how other people feel and think… This is not selfishness or being unthoughtful… Everyone is responsible for themselves for how they feel and think… Even if other people intentionally throw some abusive words and actions towards us, we don’t have to be disturbed or determined by it… We can choose to move away… We can still be peaceful as we are… When we are not happy and angry about certain things, it is coming from our own mind… It’s not caused by what other people say or do. We are not happy and angry is because what other people say or do is not something that our mind can agree with or it is not how our mind like it to be…

Be confident in our own belief and our belief should not be influenced or shattered by the thinking and belief of the society…

Om shanti.

She swore in Greek, dumbstruck that I walked away, as I headed for the wine cellar. A couple were celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary and made a special wine request. I remember smiling wryly at the time, we had just passed that mark ourselves—the pretentious dinner you organized at the Parsons, was just a tip off the iceberg. “It had to be the Parsons”, you declared, “where else would befit a woman like you?” you had bragged to your friends.

I managed to get through the night with you holding me in your arms. And though we looked the vision of perfection, oh Wills, you were too far gone to even notice the cloud over my head.

The wine was perfect and at the right temperature. I wanted everything to be perfect for the couple; they shouldn’t have to spend over 10k and have anything to complain about. Their party was for twenty in a secluded area reserved for them.

I arranged for three chefs to be present for the night and they worked their magic; my presence though not needed was sometimes required by guests. The evening had dragged on but my saving grace was Skype and my girls. I read them two stories for bedtime and finally bribed a goodnight out of them. I had barely gotten off the net before my presence was requested at the party.

I took off my white coat and made small talk with Peggy as we walked along; she was my right arm and responsible for making events and this evening a success.

“He looks totally miserable out there,” Peggy said in that fruity tone of hers.

“Who?” I asked.

“The husband! He looks like his heart is a million miles from here. The wife, now…now there’s a player! She’s all about the people, appearance and all.”

Peggy talking too much was one thing, but her instincts were always spot on. “And you observed all of this in how many minutes, Peg? I replied sweetly and we laughed. When we got to the party, Peggy coughed to draw their attention and they clapped and whistled when she introduced me to give the toast. I had a big smile on my face, about to begin my rehearsed speech but the words never left my lips. Right there before me, was Logan my therapist, looking distinguished and sexy in a tux.

Making ready to greet me, he froze in his tracks hand outstretched. Our eyes expressed shock, disbelief, longing and fear all at once. If anyone was watching they would have noticed something wrong. This was one moment I hoped escaped Peggy’s instincts. If she did notice anything, she never let on when she handed me a flute of champagne. His wife, a pretty blond, was laughing and chatting away with guests seated beside her.

As quickly as I could, I shook his hand and retrieved my nervous hand to the comfort of my side, mumbling something about wishing them the best. Turning to his wife glass raised, I toasted the longevity of their union saying they have no choice but come back in five years for their twentieth which evoked a roar of laughter from everyone. Logan still stood where he was, not uttering a word. His hazel eyes devoured me taking in every detail. There was a glint in his eyes, a sudden spark which had not escaped our ever so observant Peggy.

Walking back to my office Peggy would not stop talking, excitement written all over her voice. “Did you see the life zoom right back into that man? Zi I tell you that is the face of a man awakened. I wonder what got his knickers on fire!”

“Okay that’s enough Peggy, and we call it panties or in his case boxers…oh you know what I mean! I said unable to contain my laughter. Peggy’s British accent hadn’t quite left her despite twenty odd years in the States.

I pretended like I had a ton of paper work to get through so she would go and let me be. I was not in the mood of her gossip and God forbid that her antenna picked up on the storm that raged inside of me. I exhaled deeply when she finally left. What was he doing here and why my restaurant? I never indicated where I worked or said anything specific outside of my dreary world with Wills. He must have not known this place was mine. But then, the shock I saw on his face was genuine and he came alive after seeing me. I suddenly felt very weak and reached inside the draw for my flask. I took a big gulp of whiskey and relaxed in my chair.

A knock came on the door and I called out, “Oh Peg…did you forget something?” The door flew open as I stood up and it wasn’t Peggy, it was Logan! How did he manage to get back here? The restrooms were along the same corridor, and clearly visible to everyone; he must have said something to a member of staff to have gotten this far in.

He looked at me for a while he before spoke. “I’m sorry Zizi, I had to see you again. It’s awkward I know, but you have no idea what seeing you again after all these years did to me. I was now standing in front of him and he stepped in and closed the door, leaning back on it.

“Hello Logan, this is a surprise, you are last person in the world I expecte…I never did finish before he pulled me into his arms and kissed me and I did not resist. I could not resist. His mouth was warm and sweet, peachy sweet. He held my face between his hands and his kiss was hungry and searching. Exploring every crevice of my mouth and sucking in as if somehow he drew life from the kiss. I could not believe the sensation in my being. This is what I had imagined and visualized for five solid years; years of anguish and sorrow owing to the elusiveness of his taste and touch. When he eventually did let go, he held me tight in an embrace and I could hear both our hearts beat.

“I have kissed you a thousand times in the last year alone Zizi, the remaining four even more. But something or someone out there did not want me going to my grave a bitter angry man.” Releasing one hand he reached for a bit of blank paper on my desk. He told me to hold on while He scribbled a number on it. He hugged me again this time whispering, “Now that I found you Zizi, I’ll never let you go again. Please call me…tomorrow at noon, noon Zizi.”

He slipped away as quickly as he had appeared and for the second time that night, I found myself speechless once more.

Alone again, I began to contemplate what just happened, had I lost my damned mind? The last time was a mistake, this would not be. I was actually doing this on my own accord. That sane voice of reason immediately kicked in and began to rationalize with me. Was I willing to throw away life with you and my girls just for this? Then again, to what life do I refer? You have been selfish as a lover, inconsiderate as a husband and a bully. My girls should be the only thing that matters to me. Fulfilling this desire that had burned incessantly in my soul for five years had to be the right thing to do…he looked wonderful, those hazel eyes still filled me with mystery.

Casting my mind back to the therapy sessions; I always looked forward to my sessions on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons at 2:15pm. I would tap twice on the door and he would be the one to let me in, though there was a reception desk, I never saw a receptionist.

His room was huge and full of light and I liked that. Overlooking the skylines of downtown Houston, I always got the feeling of floating when I stood by the window from the 22nd floor. He would always have a mug in his hands and he recorded most of the sessions. During some sessions all he did was playback a previous recorded session to me. He suggested it was good to playback and hear my voice saying the things that grieved me and that perhaps within them I would find the answers I sought. The day he said this was the first time I actually looked at him proper and I must confess that I caught my breath. There was something quite virile about him that day. In my despair, I never really noticed how good looking he was until he had said something that pissed me off. How in the world would I find answers in my words, was that not his job to do? Help me reach some sort of resolve or closure?

I remember the dry laughter this had evoked from me. This was also the day I found what it is he sipped during the course of our sessions. I asked and bluntly he replied whiskey. This is new, was all I could say under my breath. I reclined back into my chair now, remembering how I cried about having sex with you Wills; It was all about you being inside me and me thinking that you should hurry up and cum already.

The Logan that had just kissed me was different, it was not the same predictable face and gestures I had grown accustomed to during those sessions, this was a man who seemed suddenly inspired—if that’s the right word to use. My face flushed remembering our previous ten minutes of passion…It had happened all so quickly, and I still can’t believe what I did. All I remember was the hug and then his lips found mine. His kiss was strange almost violent, as if he was angry with himself or the world but still filled with desire. He moaned all through the kissing and I remember his hands, they were a little rough, which surprised me; it’s funny how the mind recollects details of supposedly unimportant things.

I remember him lifting me up and placing my ass on the big oak table and in one swift movement pushed my panties to one side and slipped inside me. I remember gasping at the thrusts and clinging to him as tears ran freely down my face. There was a hunger in both of us. A yearning that needed to be filled and those ten silent minutes muffled in moans and gasps did somehow satisfy that yearning for the moment.

During the drive back home I shuddered at the risk I had just taken, I had unprotected sex with an almost stranger. I knew he was probably worried and shocked at his behaviour too; there was a look on his face right after we had finished. If the floor could open and swallow him, he would have preferred that to facing me. He felt he had betrayed me in some way and I suppose he did considering ethics of therapy, but the reality of my world finally hit home.

I was enraged and a pressure built up inside me. I was never a big talker and you Wills, you stopped hearing me years ago. My only option was to give you what you wanted. It was my way of saying see; see what you made me do. I don’t know what fueled me more, the anger of what I had just done with another man, or the fact that you were going to be inside me, oblivious to the fact that another penis was in there not too long ago.

You never could say no to me, so we made love and I cried like a baby. My tears were a mixture of pain, sorrow, betrayal and a total loss of myself and freedom. In my heart I held you responsible for everything and as soon as we finished that day, I ran to the bathroom and took another shower…I suddenly felt very dirty!

Later that month when I missed a period, my heart skipped a beat because it had not crossed my mind to consider whose baby this would be. I suppose the pretend joy of the news and you loosing yourself in me over it soon pushed all that away. Besides it was too late. It had better be yours because I was not going to kill your spirit with a confession; it would have definitely destroyed you.

Seeing Logan that evening brought all the doubts back again, why the hell are you doing this to yourself, I chided myself quietly; everyone says the girls are a spitting image of you. I see my babies’ faces now and nod in reassurance…yeah! They do look a lot like you…brown eyes, mop of dark curly hair and that mischievous look perpetually on their faces. I frown now also thinking….but that’s the exact same look on the man I just kissed. Dark curly hair, mischievous glint…oh my God!

I literally began to shake. A realization began dawning on me; I did not want this to be real. I could not wait to get home that night. Eventually when I did I headed straight to the girls room and turned on the lights. They were beautiful and looked peaceful as they slept. But I gasped in horror because I very well might have been looking at Logan’s face. The resemblance was uncanny.

Naturally, my friend asked me, “Ok then Mr. Smarty Pants HR type, how do I truly know it is time to consider making a change?” To that extent, I provided her, and now you, a baker’s dozen list of signs and indicators that it may be time for a change:

1. You find yourself “giving in” on business matters that you normally would stand your ground on
2. You work on placating difficult co-workers in order to make your job easier vs. addressing differences in opinion
3. You find yourself not participating or sharing (even withdrawing) in group meetings/settings
4. You start to watch the clock
5. You work to rule or continue to defer things to another day vs. applying discretionary effort
6. You use email more than you should so as to avoid having personal conversations (see points #2 and #3 above)
7. You find yourself in disagreement or conflict with each and every decision that “Sr. Management” makes
8. You actually use the term “Sr. Management” to explain why decisions are made and/or to describe why something isn’t working
9. When you read business articles about the Top 10 signs of poor company culture or poor leadership, you find yourself going, “check, check, yes, uh-huh.”
10. You utter the phrases, “that is above my pay grade, ” “that is the way it has always been around here” or “some things will never change” on a regular basis
11. People find you less and less approachable as even the smallest things start to set you off – whether it is an email, announcement or organizational change
12. High levels of cynicism, sarcasm and skepticism permeate throughout your interactions with co-workers as you don’t see the point in trying to change, make things matter, or work collaboratively for a greater good.
13. You no longer connect or can identify with your organization and what it is trying to accomplish.

Odds are that if at least four or five of these apply to you, it may be time to do some soul searching and figure out if perhaps a change is in order for you. What do you think? Are there any other signs that are missing? As always I welcome your comments and feedback.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It has been said that the fundamental adult skill is deferred gratification. Children who master this skill usually become successful adults, and those who don’t, don’t.

You’d be hard-pressed to discern this truth from any ad for any commercial product, since nearly everything is marketed on the basis of promising immediate gratification. “There’s an app for that!”TM means “more instant gratification for you.”

Instant gratification is, indeed, gratifying, but only for an instant, in the same way that eating a potato chip is gratifying. It doesn’t last, and there are consequences.

In the case of smartphones, texting, checking emails, IM’ing, and internet surfing, there are a few costs associated with the “convenience” and occasional pleasure of doing whatever you want whenever you want. This constant momentary checking taxes you in specific ways.

First, there are task-switching costs. When you switch from one mental activity to another, there is a loss. There is no such thing as “multitasking.” It’s just task-switching – when you multitask, tasks take more time and have higher error rates. Here’s the research.

Second, seeking instant gratification actually makes you less happy: it impedes development of fulfillment and associated feelings of satisfaction and well-being. Fulfillment shows up when we have “flow,” a term first identified by Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi as an experience of total engagement. Flow occurs when we are so immersed in something that we don’t notice the passage of time. Csikszentmihalyi explained that we can find flow by “doing great things, or doing everyday things with greatness.” The ingredients to flow are: (1) a high challenge; (2) skills matched to the challenge; and (3) constant feedback. One of his findings is that people find more flow – and therefore more fulfillment – in work, rather than in leisure. This is because work requires us to engage. Instant gratification is pretty much the opposite of engagement. Flow comes from challenge, not ease.

Third, instant gratification is the opposite of mindfulness, which you might say is the one requirement for being content in life. Mindfulness means being present – living, experiencing and relishing the present moment, rather than being distracted by other thoughts or feelings. Mindfulness involves observing how the mind acts – when it gets bored, distracted, annoyed, fearful, etc – and is based on the idea that the mind is not you. It’s part of you, but it’s not the whole you. It’s the tool, not the master. Buddhism calls the urge to get out of the moment, to move to something else, whether good or bad, “The Monkey Mind.” The Monkey Mind is endlessly dissatisfied. When you’re having dinner with a friend or loved one and decide you need to check your phone, that’s the Monkey Mind in action.

Smartphones and their ilk are basically The Monkey Mind in physical form. With their constant ringing, buzzing and urges to “check me! check me! check me!” they are a ceaseless force urging you to leave the present moment and do something else. Your urge to check your smartphone feels like your real mind, but it’s really your Monkey MInd. The false message of the smartphone is: “whatever reality you’re experiencing now is not as good as the reality I’m promising you.” So in addition to your natural Monkey Mind, when you carry around and are a servant to your smartphone, you have created a second, outsourced Monkey Mind.

Feel like slipping out of the moment and checking your device? Gawker will just have another snarky, celebrity story, similar to a hundred others you’ve read. Facebook will have some updates, but nothing as real as the reality you’re in. That email might be good or bad, but it’s just another email.

Just as that additional potato chip is not really going to make you happier. Just fatter, and experiencing a salty aftertaste. And setting up the urge to do it again in 30 seconds.

by MICHAEL MELCHER

Source: Huffington Post, “Mindfulness vs. Smartphones“, Mar 12th, 2013

A barometer on national happiness. Zombie popularity is a surefire indicator of national mental health, says Clemson University professor Sarah Lauro.  Lauro, an English teacher who studied zombies while working on her doctorate, told the Associated Press that the rise of the “Zombie Walk,” specifically, illustrates citizens’ dissatisfaction with governments and life in general. ”We are more interested in the zombie at times when as a culture we feel disempowered,” Lauro told the AP. “And the facts are there that, when we are experiencing economic crises, the vast population is feeling disempowered. … Either playing dead themselves … or watching a show like ‘Walking Dead’ provides a great variety of outlets for people.”Read more: businessinsider

Your eyes glowed behind my own,
Like shards of brilliant blue ice.
Your necklace strung with
Glimmering Germanic teeth.

‘You smile too much’
You stated solemnly,
Matter of fact.
‘I will take now what you owe me’

Toothless it seemed,
and thoughtless too,
I wandered for days,
In the heartland of the
Shiver and the prayer for
Safe return.

I gritted my blooded gums
And steeled my breath.
I feared we would not last the night.

The whole story started out as my groupmates and I had to prepare for a role-play in our pseudo job interview tomorrow. There were six of us in a group. Two of us who wanted to do modeling because we felt that it was an interesting and fun role-play to immerse ourselves in, another two were partially okay with anything, yet another two voiced dissatisfaction.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the opinions are equally voiced out, its literally a 2:2:2. But I am not happy with the fact that two person who voiced their disagreement were people who

1. Did not pay any attention to the lecture
2. Did not take any initiative to discuss with the four of us on tomorrow’s role-play
3. Expects to have their presence and opinions respected just by making a sudden apperance and saying “I want so and so”
4. It’s a group thing, everyone gets to have a say. Who made you the boss of us!?

I’ll be direct and say one of them was a girl who I honestly have issues with, and unfortunately, I am stuck with her for the rest of the module until the semester ends. It infuriates me that she has the guts to slack on almost every occasion where group work is concerned and based on the conversation I described above, expects people to take in her idea without excuse because she feels that modeling won’t cut it :/. The other guy was sick, so he was absent for the whole day.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not about the profession in the role-play that I am concerned with. But I am more unhappy with how some people have guts to slack right in front of your face and act as if they’re the hardest working person in a group when it’s so obvious they’re faking a show D: !

In the end, I kept quiet to myself because everyone agreed with a different idea. Luckily, someone else voiced out their dissatisfaction on being forced to role play a job profession they don’t like. At least, part of the dissatisfaction is served.

I feel better after ranting, thank you for listening to me .

Now let’s listen to some music . Lately, I’ve been hooked on to club remixes and dubsteps.

Apparently, someone decided to remix local artist, Yuna’s song .

This is good too, with a beastly artwork :>

The original version of Foxes – Youth is more appealing to me though.

Superb Ellie Goulding remix by Spectrum!

Have fun listening to em!

Good night, or as they say in Malaysia, Selamat Malam!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘argue for my limitations’ from the perspective of finding and arguing for my justifications and excuses as to why my life is the way it is and thus why my dissatisfaction is the way it is instead of stopping my justifications, my arguing for my limitations, and aligning myself to Practical Self Responsibility where each day I do the things necessary to support the manifestation of my world into one in the image and likeness of Practical Responsibility and Living where for instance I do the necessary tasks to ensure I pay my bills on time, I do the necessary tasks to ensure I am stable in the system with regards to money, I do the necessary tasks that ensure I am educating myself effectively in a way where I am able to Take Responsibility For Myself and My Life and thus doing my part within the system to Live in a way that is Best for ALL in taking practical responsibility for the world we have created and thus ending the abuse and atrocities and suffering and dysfunctions of the system that have occurred as a result of neglect, a result of arguing for our limitations and finding reasons and justifications WHY our lives are the way they are and thus the dissatisfaction of our lives is the way it is, and so thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to Direct and Move myself Daily in my Practical Responsibilities that is HERE right in front of me within my world as the things that I must do to keep my life and my world Practically Functional in an Effective way to facilitate a Functional Life in the image and likeness of Responsibility where I make Decisions based on my Starting Point of RESPONSIBILITY FIRST.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only go so far with my practical responsibilities where I eventually reach a point where I stop and wipe my hands and say “there I have done enough” or “I can’t handle no more” and from this statement return to my previous way of Life and Living of and as Neglect, Ignorance, and Hiding and Avoiding Organizing and Living my Life in Practical Responsible way.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to Live in a Practical Responsible way, and at the same time wondering why my life is not working, yet not actually really Effectively Living Practical Responsibility as the Ethos and Substance of my LIFE – Practical Living within the Context of Equality and Oneness and What is Best for ALL.
I see/realize/understand that this ‘state’ of ‘prolonged reactions’ was/is related to a dissatisfaction that emerged within my life. A Dissatisfaction that “My Life is Not Working”. Now, this statement of “My Life is Not Working”, I see that who is responsible for my life but me, and so I commit myself to Assist and Support and Will myself to apply myself DAILY within my Practical Responsibilities so that I do not end up weeks or months or years down the road with this same Dissatisfaction emerging within myself/ within my life resultant from me actually NOT taking care of my Practical Responsibilities Daily with Consistency done in a way that actually have an impact/measurable visible result on my life. And so I commit myself to PUSH and WILL Myself within my Practical Responsibilities such as ensuring I am stable within the context of earning money, creating this as a foundation for myself in the system as I see/realize/understand that My Responsibility as a Human on Earth is to Do My Part to Take RESPONSIBILITY for what we have created as this Life consisting as this messed up world of MTV Education, Income Inequality, Poverty  War, Mass Suffering, Prolific Mental Health Problems, Excess Consumption of Anti-Depressants, Race Wars, Economic Slavery, Crushing Student Loan Debts, etc…And so I commit myself to DO MY PART and START Living SELF RESPONSIBILITY within my own Life and clean up this mess we created first with starting with myself and Cleaning up me and the messes of my own Life, essentially Re-Aligning my Priorities of my Life so to ensure I am Living as a Practically Self Responsible Human which IS NOT JUST WORDS but is measurable in the Functionality and Stability and Consistency there in, of my own LIFE, for the rest of my life on earth, as common sensically this is the least I can do as a Human Being wanting to Show myself that I really do value myself and value ALL life.

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Is 1 a prime number?

It was kind of a fight! Since I and Wikipedia agreed on this point (it’s not prime), J acknowledged we must know something he didn’t. But regardless, he kind of wasn’t having it.

Point 1: This is awesome.

Nothing could be better mathematician training than a fight about math. Proofs are called “arguments” for a reason.

When I went to Bob and Ellen Kaplan’s math circle training in 2009, I was heading to do a practice math circle with some high schoolers and Bob asked me, “what question are you opening with?” I said, “does .9999…=1?” He smiled with knowing anticipation and said, “oooh, that one always starts a brawl.”

Well, it wasn’t quite the bloodbath Bob led me to expect, but the kids were totally divided. One kid knew the “proof” where you go

Multiplying by 10,

Subtracting,

so

and the other kids had that same sort of feeling like, “he knows something we don’t know,” but they weren’t convinced, and with only a minimal amount coaxing, they weren’t shy about it. The resulting conversation was the stuff of real growth: everybody in the room was contending with, and thereby pushing, the limits of their understanding. Even the boy who “knew the right answer” began to realize he didn’t have the whole story, as he found himself struggling to be articulate in the face of his classmates’ doubt.

Now this could have gone a completely different way. It’s common for “0.999… = 1″ to be treated as a fact and the above as a proof. Similarly, since the Wikipedia entry on prime numbers says, “… a natural number greater than 1 that has no positive divisors…,” we could just leave it at that.

But in both situations, this would be to dishonor everyone’s dissatisfaction. It is so vital that we honor it. Everybody, school-aged through grown-up, is constantly walking away from math thinking “I don’t get it.” This is a useless perspective. Never let them say they don’t get it. What they should be thinking is that they don’t buy it.

And they shouldn’t! If it wasn’t already clear that I think the above “proof” that 0.999…=1 is bullsh*t, let me make it clear. I think that argument, presented as proof, is dishonest.

I mean, if you understand real analysis, I have no beef with it. But at the level where this conversation is usually happening, this is not a proof, are you kidding me?? THE LEFT SIDE IS AN INFINITE SERIES. That means to make this argument sound, you have to deal with everything that is involved with understanding infinite series! But you just kinda slipped that in the back door, and nobody said anything because they are not used to honoring their dissatisfaction. As I have pointed out in the past, if you ignore all the series convergence issues, the exact same argument proves that …999.0=-1:

Dividing by 10,

Subtracting,

so

If you smell a rat, good! My point is that that same rat is smelling up the other proof too. We need to have some respect for kids’ minds when they look funny at you when you tell them 0.999…=1. They should be looking at you funny!

Same thing with why 1 is not a prime. If a student feels like 1 should be prime, that deserves some frickin respect! Because they are behaving like a mathematician! Definitions don’t get dropped down from the sky; they take their form by mathematicians arguing about them. And they get tweaked as our understanding evolves. People were still arguing about whether 1 was prime as late as the 19th century. Today, no number theorist thinks 1 is prime; however, in the 20th century we discovered a connection between primes and valuations, which has led to the idea in algebraic number theory that in addition to the ordinary primes there is an “infinite” prime, corresponding to the ordinary absolute value just as each ordinary prime corresponds to a p-adic absolute value. Now for goodness sakes, I hope you don’t buy this! With study, I have gained some sense of the utility of the idea, but I’m not entirely sold myself.

To summarize, point 2: Change “I don’t get it” to “I don’t buy it”.

Now I think this change is a good idea for everyone learning mathematics, at any level but especially in school, and I think we should teach kids to change their thinking in this way regardless of what they’re working on. But there is something special to me about these two questions (is 0.999…=1? Is 1 prime?) that bring this idea to the foreground. They’re like custom-made to start a fight. If you raise these questions with students and you are intellectually honest with them and encourage them to be honest with you, you are guaranteed to find that many of them will not buy the “right answers.” What is special about these questions?

I think it’s that the “right answers” are determined by considerations that are coming from parts of math way beyond the level where the conversation is happening. As noted above, the “full story” on 0.999…=1, in fact, the full story on the left side even having meaning, involves real analysis. We tend to slip infinite decimals sideways into the grade-school/middle-school curriculum without comment, kind of like, “oh, you know, kids, 0.3333…. is just like 0.3 or 0.33 but with more 3′s!” Students are uncomfortable with this, but we just squoosh their discomfort by ignoring it and acting perfectly comfortable ourselves, and eventually they get used to the idea and forget that they were ever uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, the full story on whether 1 is prime involves the full story on what a prime is. As above, that’s a story that even at the level of PhD study I don’t feel I fully have yet. The more I learn the more convinced I am that it would be wrong to say 1 is prime; but the learning is the point. If you tell them “a prime is a number whose only divisors are 1 and itself,” well, then, 1 is prime! Changing the definition to “exactly 2 factors” can feel like a contrivance to kick out 1 unfairly. It’s not until you get into heavier stuff (e.g. if 1 is prime, then prime factorizations aren’t unique) that it begins to feel wrong to lump 1 in with the others.

I highlight this because it means that trying to wrap up these questions with pat answers, like the phony proof above that 0.999…=1, is dishonest. Serious questions are being swept under the rug. The flip side is that really honoring students’ dissatisfaction is a way into this heavier stuff! It’s a win-win. I would love to have a big catalogue of questions like these: 3- to 6-word questions you could pose at the K-8 level but you still feel like you’re learning something about in grad school. Got any more for me?

All this puts me in mind of a beautiful 15-minute digression I witnessed about 2 years ago in the middle of Jesse Johnson’s class regarding the question is zero even or odd? It wasn’t on the lesson plan, but when it came up, Jesse gave it the full floor, and let me tell you it was gorgeous. A lot of kids wanted the answer to be that 0 is neither even nor odd; but a handful of kids, led by a particularly intrepid, diminutive boy, grew convinced that it is even. Watching him struggle to form his thoughts into an articulate point for others, and watching them contend with those thoughts, was like watching brains grow bigger visibly in real time.

Honor your dissatisfaction. Honor their dissatisfaction. Math was made for an honest fight.

p.s. Obliquely relevant: Teach the Controversy (Dan Meyer)

☺