This day, one person I trance upon has occupied my chain of thoughts.

Was it my fault?

Should I have bent my ego?

Did she cross the line?

Are you a person who expects people not to cross your “should nots”?

Lingering thoughts, for I could have done something about it?

I’d rather I did all I could and be happy that it didn’t happen after all!

Perhaps, they were meant to be so

Am I not good-looking?
Am I not caring?
Am I not satisfying?
Am I not comforting?
Am I not actual?
Am I not punctual?
Am I not sensual?
Am I not essential?
Am I not good enough for you?
Am I still your special friend?
Am I still waiting in vain?

Just finished reading Chris Hedges’ article “Addicted to Nonsense” on http://www.truthdig.com/ 

As a practicing counselor I spend a considerable amount of time teaching the client how to pull back the “veil”.  I think that Mr. Hedges is right on with his thoughts about illusion and the society that we are living in.  I do not want to ever take away the possibility or potential for growth from a client, but keeping the clients sight on how he is living in his milieu and how he can take meaning away from that is paramount. 

My work as a counselor can be very saddening at times, in fact, it is often very sad most of the time.  I care for my clients and I always hope that they will find what they are searching  for but I believe that they cannot solve the current distress they are in with the same thinking and actions that got them to this point of distress in the first place.

That is the long way around to saying that living in preparation for an illusory lifestyle vs. preparation and work towards an attainable, sustainable, and meaningful lifestyle is two very different paths.

She was a 18 year old young lady. Orphaned at an early age, she was brought up by her maternal grandparents and uncles. Her dad deserted her to remarry a woman of his choice. She dropped out from school and joined a cotton factory a couple of years ago. She was hard working. She had savings of about Rs 35,000/- within about 3 years of work. She was attracted to a nice co-worker of hers and desired to marry him someday. He too reciprocated her love.

All her maternal uncles are alcoholics. They wanted to dispose her off cheaply. They arranged her marriage with a divorced man twice her age. She was not interested in this at all. One of her uncles threatened to poison himself if she did not consent for the marriage. The groom asked her in private if she was interested. She agreed. She knew that her uncles were listening.

The marriage was over within hours. It was time for the ‘first night’. She told her husband that she would not allow him to touch her. Both of them had arguments throughout the night. Of course she managed to protect herself.  By the way even if he had raped her,it would have been legal in India. She created a scene the next morning telling everyone that she cannot live with him. The groom’s family had spent Rs 1,50,000/- on the marriage. Of course who would give a girl in marriage to a divorcee like him.

They took her to a Police Station. The relatives of the girl gave in writing that she had given a consent. They also wrote that they will have nothing to do with her. One of her uncles beat up his own father with a thick stick and bruised him in areas that cannot be seen easily. They kept him away from the Police station. Few other uncles thought it was good to take her to a psychiatrist, so that he can change her mind. That is how she landed in my office.

I admitted her to separate her from stressful zone. She was under pressure from all sides. Her grandfather stayed in the hospital as a caretaker. She came to know that all the money she had saved during her 3 years of work was used up by one uncle. He had told her that he would buy her golden jewelery,when he took the money. She lost almost everything.

Her husband pursued her in the hospital. He paid her grandfather money to foot the bills. She was angry with her grandpa for accepting it. She knew that it could become a liability and restrict her freedom. Poverty and want pushed her grandpa to receive the money. He began to counsel her to change her mind. After all the groom was a benevolent man! They shared their room with a patient with Schizophrenia. The mother of the patient was a 70 year old lady who had faced much difficulties in life. She too started counseling her to reconsider her decision. She was of opinion that it is better to get married to a rich man who did not have vices (whatever be his age) than remaining unmarried.

The girl was fed up with all these inputs. In the hospital she had respite from torment of her other uncles. She began to think more clearly. I listened to her and gave her supportive advice only. When her husband visited her she remained calm and chatted with him. She explained to him that he would not be happy with her as she liked someone else. She told him that she respected him and felt bad about what he has gone through. He tried to convince her that they could start afresh. He then realized that it was futile to try it if she has absolutely no feelings for him. He agreed to get divorced from her. I do not know if it can be called a divorce. What happened was hardly a marriage. What ever be the semantics, she would have a new life.

She is afraid of her uncles. She could no longer live in the same village. She told her grandpa that she was willing to take care of him, if he followed her. She was a skilled worker and she could easily find a job in cotton industry. He agreed. He wanted to bid good bye to someone in his village. If he were to do it, he could inadvertently give away the plans to his sons. He decided to move to a new location soon after discharge from the hospital. He would begin a new life. His grand daughter would be his care giver.

I had enormous joy in dealing with her and her grand father. They had real life problems. They had no money. They were surrounded by crooked relatives, who could not be trusted. They were on the verge of giving up. The girl had suicidal ideation and man had no idea of what was going on. A timely admission and supportive therapy filled them with hope and helped them decide what was good for them.

It’s hard to believe.  I’m still alive.  Why can’t I work up the courage to kill myself?  It’s not like my life means anything.  I’m tired of feeling so helpless, but what can I do about it?  I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do.  Should I make another suicidal gesture?  Will that make people believe that I’m distressed?  I’m not thinking straight right now, but what can I do about it?

Sorry, I keep stalking on you up till now. I can’t forget all the things we’ve done and all the times we’ve spent. I can’t hide my crumbled feeling for you. I’m broken, you know, and it’s because of you. I shed tears sometimes and it’s because of you. I’m still despondent and again, it’s because of you.

I know I shouldn’t do this, but I couldn’t resist. I miss you. Badly.

TODAY’S VERSE
“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!”
Psalms 30:11-12

TODAY’S THOUGHT
We go through seasons. Good times, bad times, times of sorrow and times of joy. I went through a season of depression and this passage from Psalms brought me comfort many times. I identified with David when he wrote in this same passage, “I cried out to you, O LORD. I begged the Lord for mercy.” I knew that God knew what I was going through so I claimed that He would turn my mourning into joyful dancing. I took solace when David wrote, “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Through time, prayer, and counseling, the Lord did bring me to the other side. What are you mourning? What has broken your heart? What has you depressed or distraught? Bring it to Him today. I would not trifle with your sorrow. I would not minimize your pain. I only come today to offer you hope. Only God can turn your mourning into dancing. That may seem so far from where you are right now, but it is not too far for God. Light slowly penetrates the back of a dark cave. The sound of laughter at camp seems so faint when you are in the back side of the forest. But know this, there is light for you. There will be joy for you in the morning. I pray that God’s grace will fill you with this truth and complete a healing process in you.

TODAY’S PRAYER
Dear Father, I don’t even know how to pray for my sorrow. I don’t know how to release the deep pain I feel. I come today crying out for your mercy. I thank you that weeping may last into the night but joy will come in the morning. Holy Spirit, I give you my heart, mend it, bring it back to life with your breath of love. Please begin a process in me to turn my mourning into dancing.
AMEN

______________________________________________________________

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Diese Kartenform habe ich im Magnolia INK Magazine No.1 entdeckt, und mußte sie unbedingt ausprobieren !!!!

Endlich habe ich auch meine wunderschönen darkroom door Stempel eingeweiht *smile* !!!!

Gestempelt habe ich mit Distress faded jeans,

für den darkroom door Spruch habe ich die Nestabilities Stanze Labels eight  benutzt,

der just for you Stempel ist von Heidi Grace.

Ich habe über die gesamte Karte Memories Mists Iridescent gesprüht, damit sie so schön schimmert !!!!

Die Blumen sind Dutch Moments Paper Flowers !!!!

Ich habe gerade festgestellt, dass meine Karte perfekt zur 31.Challenge von Colour Create paßt *lol* !!!

Das Thema lautet: BLUE, SILVER and WHITE …. …..

Vielen Dank, dass Ihr bei mir vorbei geschaut habt !!!!

Ich wünsche Euch noch einen schönen Tag …..

In my last post, I wrote of my mini-sabbatical from church and the importance of taking a sabbatical as part of a minister’s spiritual journey.  Sabbaticals are important because they give ministers the space and time to tend to their own personal issues, many of which originate from family, spiritual, marital, and mental strain.  Without the type of release a sabbatical offers, a minister’s work can get the best of him.

Two days before my article printed, Major N. M. Hasan, a military psychiatrist, murdered thirteen individuals at Ft. Hood.  There are several theories why Hasan killed others, but what is most peculiar to me is that Hasan was a psychiatrist.  He belongs to a profession committed to heal people not hurt them.

Hasan’s situation was unique; it is rare that a healthcare provider murders another in cold blood.  It is not uncommon, however, that many healthcare providers face overwhelming job stress and pressure that leads to unhappy endings.  In 2008 the American Medical Association reported that suicide rates among doctors were higher than the national average.  That’s roughly 400 doctors a year.

The reason that healthcare providers commit suicide is because they neglect dealing with distress, depression, and mental illness for the sake of their career.    Ours is a society that expects doctors to be stable and healthy; any sign to the contrary compromises the doctor’s reputation.  Instead of dealing with their issues, healthcare providers suppress their suffering.  Eventually, the stress becomes too much to bear.

As healthcare providers of a different type, ministers also face extreme stress and depression.  Ministers are spiritual pillars of a community, and, like doctors, they find it hard to reach out for help when help is most needed.  Greg Warner, writing for the “Biblical Recorder,” noted that a quarter of all pastors struggle with depression at any given time, many of whom fail to seek treatment with a licensed counselor.

In several other studies on depression among clergy, ministers have cited various reasons for experiencing distress.  Some reasons include job loss, pressure to grow a church, trying to meet unrealistic expectations, and failing to make deep relational connections with trusted support systems.

If ministers do not attend to their spiritual, mental or emotional health over time, their issues can build up and lead to symptoms that we have seen in the public sphere: Pastors get caught committing adultery, engaging in pornography, disengaging from a church, or preaching macabre sermons that lack hope.  Any one of these can be a sign that a minister is not taking steps in dealing with his inner demons.

Talking candidly about ministerial depression or mental illness remains taboo, but churches must take steps to help their clergy face the realities of stress.  Some churches do so by building into the minister’s salary a stipend for professional development or therapy.  In turn, ministers are more open about struggles in which prayer is needed regarding areas of family, finances, marriage, sin, or grief.

Another way churches can help is by encouraging staff regularly.  Writing cards, sending emails of encouragement, providing constructive feedback on sermons, and praying for a pastor can make a world of difference.  Pastors are better prepared to serve churches when they feel their congregations treat them as normal human beings.

In a tech-savvy and therapeutic-centered society, many resources are now available to ministers and doctors who need help with distress.  Retreat houses, therapists, spiritual directors, and pastoral counselors stand ready to help our ministers, but ministers need for us to let them know that seeking help is okay.  Ministers are a part of the Body of Christ and need edification and intervention just   like the rest of us.

Dies ist nun also mein erster ATC Adventskalender für die Stempelallee !!!!

Aber ich muß sagen *puh* ….. ich hatte es mir wirklich leichter vorgestellt !!!!

Ich habe die verschiedensten Techniken und Materialien angewandt bzw. verwendet !!!!!

!!! 

Lieben Dank, dass Ihr bei mir vorbei geschaut habt !!!!

Ich wünsche Euch  einen schönen und entspannten Samstag …..

So imagine you borrowed money from an Irish bank to do a development. Let’s say it was €100m. Your project is basically built, but you can’t find anyone to rent the space. Probably you figured the asset you were creating was going to be worth €120m, but under current valuations, it’s now coming in at, say, €65m.

In other words, the loan’s underwater. Until now, the bank policy has been to “pretend and extend”, meaning the bank pretends the asset is still worth what it was supposed to be worth, and it extends out the loan somehow. Ireland is now saying ‘enough is enough‘, and it’s taking a whole swath of property loans off the country’s biggest banks.

Who cares? We’re betting a whole lot of developers in CEE care, actually, since for starters their loans (and the values of their projects) could suddenly become very public knowledge. Transparency hurts. In addition, the loans would suddenly be controlled by someone considerably less friendly that the banker they were used to.

And then, there’s the ripple effect…

Opinions on this welcome, privately or in the comment section

Narrated Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.”

WOMEN who have had an abortion are more vulnerable to mental health problems, according to new research from the University of Otagao.

The New Zealand study looked at the medical histories of more than 500 women aged 15-30 and found that those who had had an abortion suffered “significant distress.”

Results also showed that nearly 85 per cent of women reported at least one negative emotion, including sorrow, sadness and guilt.

Researchers however maintain that the findings did not reflect “stong pro-life positions that depict abortion as having devastating consequences for women’s mental health.”

But, they claim it also does not support “strong pro-choice positions that claim abortion is without mental health risks.”

 “…forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before….” Philippians 3:13

Today is a new day!  It is a brand new start.  We have the ability to begin again each and every day.  We can begin to think and act differently. 

We can actually change the course of our life by forgetting the past and moving forward in our good future.  However, in our society today we are taught or encouraged in the very opposite direction.  People are being encouraged to remember the past and talk about it.  That can bring doubt, discouragement, and distress. 

This is not what the Bible teaches us to do.  The past was only to be recalled to give God praise for how He brought His people through their life events.  The past was also to benefit us from our lessons learned experiences.  To recall the past in any other way will only continue to bring negative issues to the forefront.  This usually places people once again in remembering the pains, hurts, and regrets that can hinder them from moving forward. 

I want to encourage you today to move into the future by living in today and continually processing your thoughts to forget the past.  Most people’s past can never be resolved completely anyway, so do what God says about it, forget it! 

ENCOURAGEMENT:  Healing will come progressively as you forget the past, keep forgiving, and enjoy your living.

You only have a future, so live in the present and forget your past!

“For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.”  -Psalm 56:13

To overcome distresses of today, remember God’s deliverances of yesterday.  -Charles H. Spurgeon

Postscript to the L.I.

Since ‘breaking up’ from the L.I. I have been doing a lot of reflection on what happened.  It’s very much a story with two halves.  One half is falling in love (yet again) with an emotionally unavailable man though this time I managed not to have sex with him – yay, progress!  The other half is having recognised it and identified it and consciously engaged with the madness in order to understand it.  So progress there too.

The latter activity has been extraordinarily powerful – watching my obsessional thought processes and the descent into emotional attachment has been a combination of claustrophobic, catastrophic, sickening, terrifying, exhilerating and ultimately liberating.  I’ve watched myself being pushed and pulled, my emotions manipulated (the L.I. is probably the most skillful emotional manipulator I’ve ever come across – he assimilated emotional information about me with the speed of a Borg and deployed it with the precision of a chess master) and witnessed my own willingness to fall for the game, to let love grow on scraps of hinted affection, to hope with psychotic intensity and to despair at my inability to get his interest.

And I feel such enormous gratitude to him for coming into my life and letting me see myself, for giving me the opportunity to free myself from this horrible curse I’ve lived with for years.  He is a lovely man by the way – not in any way evil or nasty.  He does what he does from his own set of fears and neurosis and I don’t blame him at all for the way I’ve felt.  He has his own path.   There is also a Buddhist ‘reading’ of our story, but I can’t write about this now.  This has to be about me and what I do, what I allow, what I discount, what I sacrifice, if I’m to move on to a healthier way of being.

I am determined to break this pattern and even if I never do have a healthy relationship, I am going to commit here and now to avoiding unhealthy ones.  The one insight which I am holding on to is that I saw, clearly, the first sign that the L.I. was emotionally unavailable very early on.  After our first date he asked me out for 2 dates – a weekend day two weeks ahead and an evening meal before that.  Very keen, I thought.  The meal never materialised.  Then after the weekend day which was magical and lovely and seemed to show we got on really well, he went cool and said he thought ‘things were moving too fast’.  He had instigated every move.  I did feed this back to him pretty sharply and he apologised, but there, right there, I should have said ‘thanks, but no thanks’ because a man who’s scared of a walk in the woods and a brief kiss isn’t going to cope with intimacy, now is he?  I carried on with him, however, and I saw every move he made with hideous clarity right up to his last ‘killer’ move – after he told me he didn’t want a relationship, he made a phone call which was (unconsciously) designed to ‘hook’ me back and I saw with such clarity how every tiny element of that call could have done that (and despite seeing it I still ruminated about it for days and watched my emotions being drawn to wanting to connect with him).  But I watched it, and I’ve seen it and I know absolutely the level of madness it represents and I don’t want any more of that in my life.

So I’ve been doing some research about being attracted to emotionally unavailable men and came across some really useful materials including this list which I wish I’d had years ago!  From the list, here are the ones that have been present in all the men I’ve ever been with (each man has manifested at least one of the signs).

He’s recently separated

He’s very reliant on text messages, IM’ing and email for the majority of his contact

They’re ambiguous about the status of the relationship

You’re not sure when you’ll hear from the next, even though you’ve been dating them for a while

You think you’re in a relationship, but it’s closer to a booty call

When you try to tackle the status of your relationship or any issues, he either tells you what you want to hear and then returns to his normal behaviour or he just skirts the issue. One way or the other, you wind up back at square one.

He says he’s over his ex but he’s quietly still trying to cope with the end of the relationship

He mentions his ex or things that happened between the two of them often

He’s an overt mother lover – mummy’s boy

He’s a mother hater – has an overtly negative relationship with his mother

You feel empty after you sleep with him.

He has a stringent routine that he just won’t deviate from

He won’t take calls either before or after a certain time

He is resistant to involving himself in your life

He talks about his problems, his successes, his life – it’s me, me, me all the way

He determines the momentum of the relationship – you meet up when he wants to meet up

He never refers to you as a girlfriend, partner or any form of significant other

It feels like he blows hot and cold

He’s quick out the gate in pursuing you, gets your attention, and then goes into a slow canter

He tells you that he has a lot of issues that he needs to deal with
He actually says ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ but is still with you

He can’t commit to anything, no matter how miniscule – everything that he’s asked, such as whether he can do something with you is a big drama to get him to say yay or nay
He’s got about as much emotion in him as a stone

He may try and sleep with you on the first night

The thing about admitting that I go after emotionally unavailable men is that I then have to admit that I am also emotionally unavailable because that is what all the literature suggests – we are both as bad as each other, both playing a fear-avoidance game.  The L.I.’s pattern in the past has actually always been to pursue emotionally unavailable women and run a mile from people who show an interest in him.  I know I do the same.  It’s time I face up to my part in this mess – not in the ‘blaming’ way which accompanies the pursuit of unavailable men (“why did I say/do that?”, “why aren’t I good enough” etc) but simply be honest about what I want and what I can offer.

I feel hopeful, in a good way.

… just keeps getting crazier.

Did you know my mother is living with me now?  I can hear your collective gasps through my computer screen as I type this.  I can’t even remember what I’ve written about this to date because, if I’m honest, I’ve been living in a bit of a dream for the last 2 months, pretending to be bumbling along as usual when in fact it is simply a coping mechanism to avoid the horrible truth that my life is TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL AND I AM COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED!!!

But I will plod on and as long I keep my head down and try to avoid allowing too many disasters to occur, I will get through this as long as I don’t give in to the chaos.

At the beginning of August my mother, who was on holiday in Germany, became ill with pulmonary oedema – basically she has heart failure and because it wasn’t being treated properly, her lungs were slowly filling up with water.  She was, effectively, drowning.  Thankfully she got to hospital in time for it to be treated and she’s recovered really well.  They treat this with forced diuresis – she lost an impressive 3 kilos of water in a week!

I flew out to Germany and brought her back to the UK with me.  As I was on the plane I already knew that she was not going to be able to return to live in Jordan.  Initially I thought I might be able to afford to buy somewhere locally for her to live.  This option began to fade as I realised how much of  a burden the mortgage would be on my already fragile monthly budget.  Then I thought she would be able to rent – she has a bit of savings – but this option also had to be abandoned as I realised that she would very quickly run out of money and also that my life would consist of her calling me with problems to be solved day and night.  This isn’t because she’s incapable – quite the opposite, she is a remarkably independent and resourceful person – but simply because she hasn’t lived in this country for 40 years and just doesn’t know how things work.  So the only solution open to us is for her to live with me for the foreseeable future.  This means she’s safe and life is relatively simple and also that she has plenty of money to do the things she wants like take taxis and buy clothes.

Regular readers with wonder at my equanimity – well, all I can say is that it is quite remarkable how quickly one adapts to the inevitable.  Lack of choice focuses the mind towards acceptance.  I could make my life very miserable with resentment and anger at this unwanted turn of events.  And yes, I do have moments where I feel furious that yet again I don’t seem to be able to hold onto more than a couple of months of stability and happiness before the universe throws yet another challenge at my feet.  I know other people have problems but I do perceive other people’s lives to have longer periods of stability.  I crave a boring ordinary life.  But that doesn’t seem to be my destiny.  So be it.

I’m going to Jordan on Wednesday to pack up her personal belongings and ship them over here, sell her furniture, car and piano and sort out her financial affairs.  Single handed.  If anything that is the one thing that I resent.  That I have to do all of this alone.  I’m tired, overworked at work and overwhelmed by the responsibility that I am only just getting used to.  It will pass.  This too will pass.

Apropos of nothing, one of my friends has started a rather wonderful blog about swimming in the sea.  Too bad it’s a Blogger blog, but it makes magical reading.  Give it a go.

“Why don’t you just leave your husband?” Yes, this is what I said a couple of days to a patient of mine. How could I suggest such a thing? Leaving a marriage is not consistent with my worldview. Suggesting things is not consistent with psychological therapeutic practices. Then how on earth was I moved to do such a thing.

She had come into the hospital having eaten a crushed Oleander seed, a common method to kill oneself in this part of the world. She was 32 years old. She is married for 18 years, with an alcoholic man.  He beat the hell out of her everyday. He sold all the articles of the house to feed his habit of drinking. She had no ornaments of any kind, not even plastic stuff. He sold everything except the clothing upon her.Her husband never visited her, even when she was admitted into the Hospital. She worked hard as a daily wage laborer to feed her husband, son and herself. What she gets in return is slaps, punches and kicks.

She has tried her best to get justice. She thought the village elders would counsel him and stop the mindless violence at home. The elders of the village were men who enjoyed alcohol. Domestic violence is not an issue for them. In fact they supported him as he occasionally bought drinks for them. She had gone to her parents’ house to get some support. Her husband came to their house and dragged her out and took her back to his village. It was his right, after all she was ‘his’ wife. Her parents had complained to the local police station. The police told them that it was not their business to interfere in domestic problems of their house-hold. Her 16 year old son had already started drinking alcohol and was joining his father in violating her.

The woman I am talking about was not just another dumb illiterate woman. She was quite functional. She had saved a couple of women, who had attempted suicide by consuming Oleander seeds by taking them to the hospital. She knew Oleander seeds were deadly. She had high intention of her death. She survived by God’s grace.

Why is it that she was pushed to this extreme? She had tough life and had no hope. The system was against her. What else could she do? Escape! Where? From life…this is what she thought. I too think she should escape…not from life but from husband. I wish we had good police and legal aid for such women. The NGO’s are faaaar away from her.

She had never considered running away from the rogue husband of hers. She could easily work as a maid servant in a caring household and live comfortably. She did not know that it is possible. May be I was paternalistic in suggesting it. Whatever…it gave her hope. She decided to search for work somewhere. She is now living with her parents. Her husband is not bothered about her now as he feels she is weak and useless, especially as she had a recent hospital admission. She hopes to have a better life. At least she does not want to die now.

I wonder how contexts can change the way we view what is good. Socially, leaving a marriage is justifiable on basis of sexual infidelity. If a person has right to sexual purity of the partner, don’t they have for maintaining their own physical and mental integrity from the partner? If it is acceptable to leave a spouse if there is a trespass in sexual norms, why not it be acceptable to leave a spouse who violates physically and mentally?

I do not know the answers. You can help…just comment.I am busy thesedays, but could not help writing this.

 “Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

The Bible tells us that we have an enemy, the devil that comes to rob, steal, and destroy from our lives in various ways.  The truth is the enemy has already been defeated at the cross by the blood of Jesus Christ.  Although he is a defeated foe, we still must understand how he works in order to live a victorious life and not spend our days being chased by him and his lies.  It is to our advantage that we read the Word and study its contents to know truth, God’s truth.  Truth will always usher in freedom. 

Remember the enemy is a liar and a deceiver.  He wants you to believe lies instead of the truth.  It is important that you continually establish truth in your life through the Word of God.  Life is a journey of us letting go of concepts, formulas, ideas, ways and means, and establishing our thought life centered in His Word.

During the course of your day, you may find yourself confronted with negative thoughts, words, and beliefs that will require an immediate response.  Why?  If you let them pass through your mind without establishing the truth of what you believe about them, they have the ability to become part of your thinking process. 

The enemy wants you to believe his lies, he wants to deceive you with things that have taken place in your past, and he wants to place you in fear of your present and your future.  How can you and I overcome the enemy’s tactic when presented with them? 

First, submit immediately to the Spirit of God that is within us establishing His Presence, His Truth, and His peace.  In doing this, you have recognized that what you are hearing is not what you have come to believe through God’s nature, God’s character, and God’s Word.  Secondly, you only need to resist the devil (which is resisting and rejecting his lies and deceptive thoughts to tempt you to believe them so he can depress, distress, discourage, and eventually destroy you with them).  Submitting to God and resisting the enemy will result in him fleeing from you.  The moment you acknowledge and submit yourself under God’s authority over your life, the enemy has to flee from you. 

ENCOURAGEMENT:  Don’t live your life being chased by the enemy, God has already won the battle over the devil.  Run into His Presence when you are tempted with lies and deception.  He will fight your battle, and He wins!

“And having made peace through the blood of His cross, by Him to reconcile all things unto Himself….”  Colossians 1:20

I needed extra work to compensate for the absences i incurred in EdH 115. I was stressed with all my commitments that i decided to create a box to help me deal with my stressors. With this, i came up with my stress box.

Every one of us has been stressed one way or the other—may it be school work, office work, peer pressure, identity crises, family problems, love issues, and the list goes on and on. But the question is what exactly is stress?

What is stress?
According to Hans Selye’s Article the nature of stress, stress is a mechanism of complex processes triggered by stressors (agents or demands that evoke these complex bodily processes). . Stress is very real and concrete indeed, and is manifested in precisely measurable changes within the body.

Stress is the nonspecific response of the body to any demand, whether is is caused by, or results in, pleasant or unpleasant conditions. Stress as such, like temperature as such, is all-inclusive, embodying both the positive and the negative aspects of these concepts.

We now ask, how do we deal with stress?

Two kinds of stress—Eustress and Distress.
Eustress is stress that has a positive effect on person’s life and even health such as stress to win a competition. On the other hand,
is have negative implications to a person such as stress from a death and the like. Two things should be noted however at this point:

1. Both are equally taxing to the body
2. The body cannot differentiate between the two

With this, both stress, when too much is unhealthy to an individual.

We have personal ways and techniques in dealing with stress however not all of them are beneficial and healthy.

Two kinds of stress management—Positive and Negative
Negative Stress management include binge eating, alcoholism, smoking, etc. These ways of coping with stress hurts and damages the body thus, negative. On the other hand positive stress management channels the stress of an individual into productive means such as exercise, mediation, writing. All of these activities help release stress.

With these things in mind, the Stress Box started to take form.

This stress box was designed by a student stressed by school work, part time work, expectations, extra-curricula, family issues and what have you. This was devised to provide a number of ways a person can release and relieve himself of stress. However, this box by no means guarantees a hundred percent stress relief. Rather, this box should be seen as an aide, a tool to help an individual cope with stress and deal with it in a positive manner.

Ultimately, this box aims to make you smile even for just a split second.

Objectives
• to relieve stress of a person
• to provide positive stress management techniques
• to make the user smile

How to Use
• Find a quiet, solitary, tranquil place where you can sit and relax with the stress box
• Open the box and choose from different materials and objects.
• Use any of the materials that you want but make sure to return them to their proper slots.
• Take note of thoughts that came into your mind while using the stress box and the materials in it. This might help you analyze your stressor.
• If possible, write your feelings in a journal or perhaps as a blog entry to further release stress.

Stress Box Materials

Post-its
Writing has always been a way of releasing stress by. A simple paper with the property of being stuck on surfaces provides for reminders of what we may want

Prayer Box & Spiritual symbol
A belief in a Higher Being has been proven scientifically to help people cope with stress. People have survived drastic medical conditions because of a positive outlook brought about by prayers and faith. Prayers and spirituality calls for mediation which clams the mind, heart and body.

Crayons
Scribbling in a colorful manner will allows us to express our emotions. No matter which we choose, there will be a color to represent what we feel at certain times—specially those feelings we cant seem to let go of.

Slinky
Repetitive actions calms for among children it reminds them of what they can do and which probably goes the same way for adults. Repetitive behavior at some point becomes mechanical and thus assures the person of an act that he can perform even without much effort and thinking

Dominoes
Toys will never fail to relax people.

Stress ball
Focusing energy in one’s hands relieves stress for the effort it takes to squeeze the ball gets rid of all the tension or perhaps anger an individual has.

Shoelaces
In Ian’s Shoelace site, which promotes the fun, fashion and science of shoelacing can be found ways of setting up our shoelaces. Using our fingers and our minds, manipulating with shoelaces may allow our minds to focus on the task at hand instead of problems and dilemmas. Thinking games also aide in solving difficult task by giving our brains a break and thus refreshing its take on things.

Clay
Children are naturally amazed and attracted with clay. The feel of clay soothes and relaxes. Paul White, a child therapist uses clay as his main medium for therapy leading him to create CLAYtherapy: A Manual of Therapeutic Applications of Clay with Children which can be found in this website
http://www.playtherapyclay.com/

Sandbox
Based from the Zen way of meditation, the sand is another alternative to scribbling or drawing. Playing with sand relaxes by allowing you to randomly form figures and create strokes. Simply use a finger or a stick and the sand will follow whatever you do with it. The sound of sand’s movement as well as the movement itself is flowing and very calming. Its texture massages the fingers and hands as well.

Origami Papers
is not only a form of art but is also used in physical therapy, mental health programs and is a source of entertainment and enjoyment.
Therapists use paper folding as fun way of exercising and strengthening hand muscles. Psychologists have found out that origami helps in the development of motor skills, as well as attention, memory, and imagination processes. With this it can be used to relieve stress.

I would love to give this box to a special bloke I really care for. He is so stressed nowadays and it makes me sad when he is.  Hope he gets back to his equilibrium again speciall y because his laughs and smiles are contagious and we need more happy people in this world