It is very rare for me to have sleepless nights after my permanent posting. After all, there is unknown repercussion if I do not get ample rest. This is the 2nd time.

The last time I lost sleep was over a set of uniform. This time, it was over a piece of information.

Over and over again, I recalled this quote I read in a book: Always start with trust; distrust must be earned.

This was actually a philosophy I go by when I meet new people. You can call me a hopeless idealist, but life is short, why waste time building a pool of people you can trust, when you can trust everyone and then build a pool of people you can’t trust?

Anyways, ya… I guess I got upset cos certain people I thought I could keep in the circle of trust just kept disappointing me by earning my distrust over and over again. The incident this time round actually stemmed from a distrust in me.

People remember I gossip, but they don’t remember that I kept a lot of secrets that they told me too. So naturally, I got upset when they looked at me in contempt and told me they can’t tell me certain things cos ‘my mouth is too big’. Ya… If my mouth is too big, I would have told other people what you told me the other night, and that morning, and on that bus ride…

You get the drift.

A lot of times, it was not the piece of information that was important. Given my network, would I not know anything if I wanted to? But it was that willingness to share information that I was concerned about. If you distrust me so much as to keep a piece of information from me purposefully, it warranted a reaction from me to up my distrust in you.

I put my complete trust in you right from the start by virtue of our friendship, but you chose to put distrust in me. So please do not blame me if you find me not trusting you in the future. I gave you the chance and you squandered it.

So YOU, anyone of you friends who happened to be reading this, be warned.

It is very rare for me to have sleepless nights after my permanent posting. After all, there is unknown repercussion if I do not get ample rest. This is the 2nd time.

The last time I lost sleep was over a set of uniform. This time, it was over a piece of information.

Over and over again, I recalled this quote I read in a book: Always start with trust; distrust must be earned.

This was actually a philosophy I go by when I meet new people. You can call me a hopeless idealist, but life is short, why waste time building a pool of people you can trust, when you can trust everyone and then build a pool of people you can’t trust?

Anyways, ya… I guess I got upset cos certain people I thought I could keep in the circle of trust just kept disappointing me by earning my distrust over and over again. The incident this time round actually stemmed from a distrust in me.

People remember I gossip, but they don’t remember that I kept a lot of secrets that they told me too. So naturally, I got upset when they looked at me in contempt and told me they can’t tell me certain things cos ‘my mouth is too big’. Ya… If my mouth is too big, I would have told other people what you told me the other night, and that morning, and on that bus ride…

You get the drift.

A lot of times, it was not the piece of information that was important. Given my network, would I not know anything if I wanted to? But it was that willingness to share information that I was concerned about. If you distrust me so much as to keep a piece of information from me purposefully, it warranted a reaction from me to up my distrust in you.

How certain can I be about how you will keep certain information from me in the future? Even worse, information related to this current incident? Some day in the future, I am going to work with this colleague H embroiled in this scandal, and you who knew what happened now will not be going to warn me about him, cos

1. I may spread the info
2. It will ’cause a misjudgement’ in me and ruin his career
3. You don’t trust I could make use of this info appropriately
4. Our friendship is not that important
5. Some or all of the above.

But have you ever wondered how keeping that piece of information from me will cause me my career too?

I put my complete trust in you right from the start by virtue of our friendship, but you chose to put distrust in me. So please do not blame me if you find me not trusting you in the future. I gave you the chance and you squandered it.

So YOU, anyone of you friends who happened to be reading this, be warned.

No matter how we feel, think, or believe, there is unity in our diversity.  We just have to find that one thing that bonds us together.  Finding that one thing we all have in common is the first step to solving any problem.  No matter how far apart we are in our feelings, thinking or beliefs, finding that common ground enables us to come together and find a solution that we all can live with.  This is true in our personal lives as well as in politics.

Some years back I took classes in Family and Divorce Mediation.  I was planning on hanging out my shingle and helping people find solutions to their obstacles.  Learning and doing are not the same thing and I found it difficult to remain unbiased during the process.  My hat is off to those who can do it without having the training and skills of a lawyer.

What I learned, however, has not left me and it has served me well at times.  Mediation is not a win/lose process.  The mediator must find common ground that will enable the parties to eventually come to some agreement that they can both live with.  The mediator must take two parties who are angry, hurt, and suffering and guide them gently to a compromise.  This is not easy.

Having said this, I feel that the same process can be applied to almost any situation.  I have heard about neighbors who don’t get along.  This is so sad, since both have to live where they do and moving is sometimes not possible.   A lot of the time we are “right fighters”, as I’ve heard Dr. Phil say time and time again.  We decided that we have to be right and we will do anything to prove it.  In order to do that we have to go to any length to either prove the other person wrong or sway them around to our point of view.  Either way, the problems are bound to escalate.

Why am I bringing this up?  Every problem starts somewhere.  If we can go back to that first moment and understand the dynamics of the problem from the very first moment, we have a chance of stopping the problem before it becomes unfixable.

Both people often feel like victims.  At that point the problem solving goes out the window.  It takes two to fight.  Therefore, there are two victims and two perpetrators.  No one is at fault all the time.  Each person usually takes turns by making very bad choices which take the disagreement to a new level.

We want to feel vindicated.  We want our suffering to be acknowledged.  We want it to stop.  But what are we willing to do to be part of the solution?  If we are not part of the solution then we are part of the problem.  These misunderstandings are usually created when someone feels disrespected, snubbed,  their personal property damaged, or their privacy and autonomy in jeopardy.

So, what steps can we all take to start mending fences?  If you feel your rights have been trampled on in some way, what do you do first?

Step #1          Purchase a journal.  Start documenting those things that you find offensive.  Don’t just write down what happened, include details of how it made you feel and any expense that was incurred as a result.  Try to explain in as much detail as you can what you are objecting to.  Make it as precise as possible.  If you can’t explain it so you understand it, no one else will understand it and communication is important.   Make sure you write down dates, names, places, and everything you can think of.  Were there any witnesses?

Step #2        Sit down and go over your journal entries regularly.  Try to figure out why you are so angry.  Is it something from your past that you are reacting to in the present or is it a real problem that needs to be addressed.  Try to find the root of the problem and why you may be reacting so badly to the situation.  Sometimes it is simply that the other person is not taking responsibility for their actions or the actions of friends or family members, not to mention pets.  Knowing these things helps clarify it. But do your homework before you snap.

Step #3        If this is an ongoing situation that can’t be ignored, it is time to address your concerns to the other person.  Call and set up a time when both of you can sit down in a neutral place like a restaurant or other public place to discuss it.  It might be wise to bring along a friend and urge the other person to do the same.  Be nice about it.  Coming to the table angry will not serve your cause.

Step #4       Write down what you want to say.  Be prepared.  Ask the person to let you say what you need to say and then she can have her turn uninterrupted.  Explain that you want to find a solution to the problem that you both will be happy with.  Then be respectful when she speaks and try to understand her point of view as well.  This is the point when a solution is most likely to be found.  Make sure you look at how she sees the problem from her perspective and try to find some common ground to work from.  Allow her to be part of the solution and do not dictate the solution.  There are two sides to every story.  Ask questions about what is going on in their life as if they are your best friend.  Share with them those things that they might need to know in order to understand your situation.  Are you a day sleeper?  Have you had a recent illness?  Have you been going through some tough times and might be a little sensitive right now?  Anything that you can share could be potentially helpful.  anything they share can be something to ponder.

Step #5        Assure the other person that they have been heard and impress upon them that you will take what you have heard home and think on it.  Then, really think on it in earnest.  Find the common ground.  Try to put yourself in their place.  Offer your help in some way that may take a burden from their shoulders or offer a solution they may not have thought of. But don’t back them into a wall.  They will come out fighting and that is not what you want.

Everyone’s situation is unique.  But, there will also be commonalities that you can use as a spring board.  What ever you do, have compassion and come at the problem from the point of view that the person may not even be aware there is a problem.  It probably is not a deliberate act against you.  And, there might be a good explanation that you can understand or you might lite on a solution that you can do to solve the problem for yourself.  I have always believed that good fences make for good neighbors.  It may be as simple as a good fence.  Don’t resent the other person for making this problem for you.  Your fence might just ease her burden too.

Chris

A Galway resident has become a source of local amusement and has received condemnation from the banking sector following an incident at his own home. Frank D’Arcy, 51, a long time bachelor of some repute in his local town of Glenamaddy describes himself as having ‘great antipathy’ for banking but has found himself come unstuck after a regular social outing. Mr. D’Arcy, always vocal about how he feels banks are the devil incarnate, and ‘a shower of thieving bastards’ was having a few drinks with friends in Morgan’s bar on Glenamaddy’s main street as per his usual Sunday evening routine.Upon awakening the following morning Mr. D’Arcy made a rather embarrassing discovery: he had wet his bed. Excessive drinking the previous night had lead to a rather heavy deposit of urine on the mattress on Mr. D’Arcy’s king size bed.

Mr. D’Arcy’s life savings amassed over a period of 30 years of working as a plumber reside underneath his mattress. A healthy €200,000 had propped up his mattress as the Galway resident could think of no better place to house his hoarding of earnings. “Well obviously now it seems funny”, said a disconsolate Mr. D’Arcy from a bar stool in Morgan’s “but my life savings are gone, soiled to the point where no one will touch my money”.

Mr. D’Arcy has not been able to purchase any goods or services since soiling his money, which has prompted the banking sector to speak out. Richie Boucher, Chief Executive of Bank Ireland had little sympathy to offer Mr. D’Arcy. “I think this just highlights the fact that people need banks. Mr. D’Arcy woke up yesterday having, excuse the pun, pissed away all his money. Now, had he a bank account there would be no danger whatsoever of that happening”

Pat Gillane local Fianna Faíl TD also stated that it’s a ‘crying’ shame’ the money can’t be laundered somewhere and put to good use.

Update 11-24-09:

I’ve been keeping track of a number of firms that have been downsizing for quite some time, and here is one snapshot. For more information, read on below.

Aneil

Original Post 10-14-09:

The French business magazine, Business Digest, recently interviewed us as part of their profile of publication this spring in the MIT Sloan Management Review.  We were able to elaborate on our study and provide additional information not available in our original article.  Here is an excerpt from the Business Digest article:

In the face of a downturn, many companies turn to downsizing to cut costs. Yet, they often fail to achieve the expected payoffs, and in some cases, they end up worse off than they started. According to Aneil K. Mishra and his co-authors, downsizing doesn’t have to spell corporate disaster. When companies increase flexibility, innovation, and communication, they can emerge stronger, faster, and smarter.

“When leaders use open, empathetic communication (that is, they listen to employees with an open mind and try to understand their thoughts and feelings) and are clear about how the organization needs to improve, employees will feel ‘heard,’” says Karen Mishra. This in turn fosters trust, empowerment, and innovative behavior.  A.Mishra explains, “When people have the necessary information to make informed decisions, they will start to say, ‘How can we get better?’ The only way they’re going to [get better] is by being flexible and innovative—because they’re typically not going to get new resources.” And, Gretchen Spreitzer adds,
“Flexibility and innovation also encourage empowerment because they allow the possibility of new ways of doing things—not just one way—the bosses’ way.”

For a copy of the full article in French or in English, please go here, or contact us.

Aneil

Update 11-4-09:

Victory!  I finally achieved my objective of obtaining a refund, but even so, Weight Watchers refused to admit they had any responsibility.  At least they escalated my problem to a “Team Lead” rather than a mere “Customer Service Associate.”  I’m sure the amount of time they spent on my problem exceeded the amount of the refund

Dear Aneil,

In researching your request, we discovered that you have set up more than one subscriber account with us.

Username: XXXXXXXXX

Username: YYYYYYYY

We apologize, but we do not access or monitor individual accounts and therefore had no way of knowing that you had overlapping subscriber accounts. In accordance with our Subscription Agreement, the individual subscriber is responsible for making choices concerning subscription options, including selecting the price plan to be billed and canceling the account before it is automatically re-billed.

We offer several different options for cancellation from our cancellation page. In searching our records with the information you provided, we are unable to locate a previous cancellation request for the overlapping subscription.

Although you are not eligible to receive a refund, customer satisfaction is very important to us and we have been authorized to credit your account $xx.xx, which is the maximum amount we are authorized to credit. It covers ___  months of billings to your account.  You should see this credit on your next credit card statement.

Sincerely,

Tim
Team Lead, Customer Service
www.weightwatchers.com

Update 11-2-09:

I managed to find my actual record of my cancellation back in August, and just sent this to Weight Watchers.   I hope they recognize their mistake and respond immediately.

Aneil

Your account has been cancelled

Original Post:

When we moved, I no longer could attend the local Weight Watchers class, nor was I getting much use out of its website, so I decided to cancel my online membership.  It turns out that even though I did cancel using one of their online options, Weight Watchers never processed it.  I noticed this when we paid our American Express bill.  Here begins the saga of trying to get a refund for the last two months of my membership that I didn’t use:

Server:  www.weightwatchers.com
Date:  10/9/2009
Category:  Accounting and Billing
First name:  Aneil
Last name:  Mishra

I canceled my online subscription more than two months ago, and yet I’ve received charges to my American Express account at both the end of August and September.  I would like those charges reversed and my subscription canceled immediately.  Please inform me when you have completed these requests.

Thanks.

Aneil Mishra

I then received one of the more legalistic responses from a customer service person I’ve ever received:

From: WeightWatchers.com [mailto:SignUpSupport@WeightWatchers.com]
Sent: Saturday, October 10, 2009 4:08 PM
Subject: Re: Help: Subscription Process

Dear Aneil,

Thank you for your inquiry regarding the charges to your credit card. By subscribing to our product, you agreed to and accepted the terms of our Subscription Agreement. Section three of our Subscription Agreement clearly sets forth the payment and billing terms. Our subscription process is the same as many other online subscription processes, which automatically renew your account and bill your credit card unless you cancel.

Additionally, there is a billing message on the page where you select your payment plan during sign up which reads:

“For your convenience, your subscription will be automatically renewed at the end of your payment plan at the standard monthly rate until you notify us.”

The billing message also appears near the bottom of the welcome page that you are taken to after you have successfully completed the subscription process. You are given the option to print the welcome page, as it is your receipt.

Pursuant to the terms of our Subscription Agreement, we are unable to refund fees paid for months with billing dates that have come and gone.

As per your request, your subscription with us has been cancelled. You will have full access to your subscriber tools until your expiration date of 10/27/2009.

After your subscriber account expires, it automatically becomes a FREE registered user account. You will be able to log in and enjoy the free features found on the site, such as message boards, recipe of the day, and the community recipe swap. In addition, you will continue to receive our newsletters and announcements. If you would like to opt out of this service, please unsubscribe.

Sincerely,
Jean
Customer Service Associate
www.weightwatchers.com

Get recipes for success. We’ll deliver delicious low POINTS recipes to you every week. Sign up now!

http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/news/index.aspx

I tried to explain that I had canceled my account online:

Jean:

As I said in my original email, I canceled my account online back in August, yet I continued to receive monthly bills on my American Express account.  I understand that I would be responsible for monthly subscription fees if I had not canceled two months ago, but that is not the case.  I would like to you please reconsider my request to have the last two months’ fees refunded.

Thanks very much.

Aneil Mishra

Obviously, my reply didn’t convince them:

Dear Aneil,

Thank you for contacting WeightWatchers.com.

We offer several different options for cancellation from our cancellation page. Using the information you provided in your e-mail we searched our database, but did not find any previous e-mail requests for cancellation.

Furthermore, we show no record of a cancellation request from you using alternative cancellation options. We apologize, but if you are unable to provide evidence of a previous cancellation request, you are not eligible to receive a refund.

The individual subscriber is responsible for the terms of their subscription and for canceling their account.  Eligibility for refunds is based on the date we receive your cancellation request.  If you have any additional information that you would like to provide, we will be more than happy to research it for you.

Sincerely,
Alex
Customer Service Associate
www.weightwatchers.com

I’ll let them know that I’ve posted these emails on our blog, and see if that makes any difference.  Stay tuned.

Aneil

Today’s reply obviously did not take into account any of the previous emails I had sent to Weight Watchers, nor did it reflect their own previous responses:

Dear Aneil,

Thank you for contacting WeightWatchers.com.

We researched your account and found that it has already been cancelled from a previous request or by using our on-site cancellation process. We want to take this opportunity to thank you for trying our site and to confirm that your subscription was set to expire on 10/27/2009.

You will have full access to your subscriber tools until the cancellation date above.

After your subscriber account expires, it automatically becomes a FREE registered user account. You will be able to log in and enjoy the free features found on the site, such as message boards, recipe of the day, and the community recipe swap. In addition, you will continue to receive our newsletters and announcements. If you would like to opt out of this service, please unsubscribe.

FOR WEIGHT WATCHERS ONLINE SUBSCRIBERS ONLY:

If you sign up again within six months of your cancellation date, your sign-up fee will be waived. To take advantage of this, please log in with the user name and password from your cancelled account prior to re-subscribing.

Sincerely,
Ibrahim
Customer Service Associate

This will probably be the final response, unless they actually start listening to me:

Dear Aneil,

WeightWatchers.com values our customers and takes pride in making sure our products meet and exceed their expectations. We have made efforts to ensure our customers understand our products and what they are purchasing. In your case, we took several steps to inform you that your subscription would automatically renew unless you canceled.

On step one of the sign-up process you entered your information on the payment plan and health profile page. On that very same page, there is a paragraph located directly under the payment plan options that explains your account will be renewed automatically until you cancel. Clicking the link below will take you to this page.

https://www.weightwatchers.com/util/sig/step_one.aspx

On step three of the sign-up process you were asked to read and accept the subscription agreement. The message reads, “By clicking on the “I agree, pay now” button below, you agree to be bound by the following subscription agreement and for us to charge your credit card in accordance with that agreement.” The Subscription Agreement, which you agreed to before gaining access to the subscriber tools, clearly sets forth our automatic renewal policy.

By clicking on the link below, you may refer to our subscription agreement for additional inquiries you may have regarding our automatic billing policy.

http://www.weightwatchers.com/legal/subagreement.aspx

In addition, when your subscription was processed successfully, you were brought to a welcome page. The billing message in step one of the sign-up process, also appears on this page. You are asked to print this page so that you can keep a copy for your records. It is your online receipt.

The individual subscriber is responsible for the terms of their subscription including the price plan under which they are billed and for canceling their account before it is automatically re-billed.

We evaluate eligibility for refunds on the basis of when the e-mail, fax, or letter requesting cancellation was sent. Due to these terms, you are not eligible to receive a refund.

Sincerely,
Ariel
Customer Service Associate
www.weightwatchers.com

Update 10-26-09:

They’re still trying to get me to rejoin, and obviously not listening to me:

Weight Watchers(R)
Stop Dieting. Start Living.

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Ray Stedman with some challenging comments on Ecclesiastes 10:

He closes this section with a warning on complaining about the government. Verse 20:

Even in your thought, do not curse the king,
  nor in your bedchamber curse the rich;
for a bird of the air will carry your voice,
  or some winged creature tell the matter. (Ecclesiastes 10:20 RSV)

There, I am sure, is the origin of the popular saying, “A little bird told me.” This may also be the first recorded instance of the bugging of a home by the government! It clearly reflects the modern proverb, “Even the walls have ears.”

Do not complain about the government even in your bedchamber or in your innermost thoughts. This is not implying that if you do your complaining might get back to the king and he will be angry with you and punish you. Rather, it is the idea that your constant complaining about problems in government creates a condition that spreads dissatisfaction with, and distrust of, government. We may be seeing something of that today. We are living with a generation that, by and large, distrusts the powers and rights of government. This may be because young people who are now entering into their majority have heard us older ones grumbling so much about the government that they have learned to distrust it, to feel that it is an unnecessary evil, and to react violently against it.

I read an article the other day which predicted that from here on no American President will be able to serve more than one term in office. The reason given was because the media so focuses upon the President and criticizes so vehemently everything he does and every word he speaks that no President will be able to stand the glare of such adverse publicity; it will be impossible to elect him to office a second term because nobody will trust him. This is a commentary in our time against too much examination of peoples’ lives, especially too much criticism of what they do. I was interested to hear one of our staff members at one of our seminars last week say that the American way is to elect a man to office, give him six months to change everything, and if he does not do it, spend the next three and a half years complaining about it. That may be close to the truth. There is a destructive element in complaining and griping all the time about what government does.

All a kid needs is one person to hang on to, to listen, to care, to show up consistently.  (Dr. Maureen Brennan, psychiatrist of residential treatment facility)

Imagine … abandonment, sexual abuse, lies, secrets, guilt, shame, drugs, distrust, nightmares.

Imagine … Help!  Hope!  Healing!

In America, more than half a million kids are in foster care.  Once they reach 18 and age out of the system, only two out of ten will make it.  Others will end up homeless, in prison or dead.

We can do better.  We must.  These kids don’t belong to someone else.  These kids belong to all of us.  They are America’s children.  THEY ARE AMERICA.

Classic Scenes from Classic Films

If I were asked to pick a perfect movie I’d quickly name From Here to Eternity, starring Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr. The 1953 drama was adapted from the best selling novel by James Jones, screenplay by Daniel Taradash, and directed by Fred Zinnemann. I consider this film cinema gold from start to finish, but for the sake of brevity I’ll focus only on the relationship between the Lancaster and Kerr characters. Sergeant Warden and Karen Holmes’ love affair is the spine of the story and is introduced and developed by screenwriter Taradash in two perfect scenes, both of which come in the first twenty minutes of the film. Neither of them involve sand, sea or sex — at least not graphic sex.

Of course, anyone who knows anything about vintage movies is familiar with the erotic scene of Sergeant Warden and Karen kissing on the beach, the one with the wave breaking over their bodies. It’s an iconic film image, and the video is very popular on YouTube, even with people who have never seen the movie. Unlike couples in most movies, this wet duo enmeshed in a torrid embrace did not meet “cute.” You might even say they met “ugly,” or at least not very “pretty.” For me, their first scene together, which comes about ten minutes after the opening credits, is sexier than the beach scene by at least a factor of ten. No blatant fireworks, but there are sparks, a subtle display of sexual tension, mixed with an interesting undercurrent of dislike, even distrust. In that short scene there is strong attraction but also implicit conflict between the characters, and conflict, as we know, is the lifeblood of drama. For me, at least in dramatic terms, conflict is sexy. The smoldering and somewhat sarcastic banter between Karen and Warden in the scene foreshadows adultery to come. Karen, we quickly learn, is married to Warden’s commanding officer.

I’ve transcribed the two scenes by using a combination of Daniel Taradash’s second draft script, which I found on the Internet, and the movie. Both scenes as shot differ somewhat from the script, and I’ll point out how the first one is changed after we read it. In that first scene we discover Sergeant Warden in front of the company supply room talking to Leva, the supply clerk (as played by Mickey Shaughnessy in a great character rendering). They watch as Karen arrives in the area looking for her husband.

LONG SHOT KAREN HOLMES FROM WARDEN AND LEVA’S ANGLE as she walks toward them. She is at a considerable distance. Karen is about thirty. She wears a sweater and skirt. She is aware the men are studying her.

MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT WARDEN AND LEVA watching Karen.

LEVA : Shooish! — her and them sweaters.

LONG SHOT KAREN FROM WARDEN AND LEVA’S POV as she continues toward them. Warden’s and Lava’s voices, loud at first, get softer and softer the nearer Karen gets to camera. At end of the shot, as she is only a few yards away, they are practically whispering.

WARDEN’S VOICE: I’ll bet she’s colder than an iceberg . . .

LEVA’S VOICE: Not her, Top, she knows the score like I been tellin you.

WARDEN’S VOICE: (sarcastic) Is that right?

LEVA’S VOICE: Listen, not around here, but I was back at Fort Bliss with Holmes. I heard plenty about this lady then. Plenty.

WARDEN’S VOICE: You did, huh?

LEVA’S VOICE: Okay, not me — but I know some of them she played ‘round with, so don’t tell me.

WARDEN’S VOICE: I ain’t tellin you. You’re tellin me.

Karen stops a few paces from camera.

KAREN: Good morning, Sergeant.

WARDEN: Morning, ma’am.

MEDIUM SHOT. Lava watches, listens avidly but discreetly in background. During the dialogue, Karen seems irritated by Warden, who looks at her coolly, appraisingly, physically.

KAREN: I’m looking for my husband.

WARDEN: Captain Holmes just went in town, ma’am. On business.

KAREN: Oh. He was to have left some things for me; do you know anything about them?

WARDEN: No I don’t, ma’am. Anything I can do for you?

KAREN: No, thanks.

WARDEN: I’d be glad to help. Ma’am.

She makes a slight move to go, then pauses.

KAREN: My husband’s been telling me a lot about you, Sergeant. He says you’re very efficient.

WARDEN: Yes, ma’am.

KAREN: What is it that makes you so efficient, Sergeant?

WARDEN: I was born smart, ma’am.

Karen laughs suddenly, quietly.

KAREN: I love that. Well goodbye, Sergeant.

Karen turns and walks back toward her car. Warden and Leva watch her. When she is out of earshot Leva speaks.

LEVA: Man, she sure is one, ain’t she?

WARDEN: One what?

LEVA: One woman.

WARDEN: (unconvincingly): I’ve seen better.

As performed, the first scene in the movie between Karen and Warden differs only slightly from the Daniel Taradash second draft script. Most of the tweaks involve a word change here and there, changes that perfectly sharpen and clarify the dialogue between the characters. The first scene is an excellent example of what experts agree are the three things an effective dramatic scene should do: Advance the story, develop (deepen) character, and establish (and/or deepen) conflict. I would add a fourth thing. A good scene should also “entertain.” The entertaining aspect may be the result of the quality of the writing or the performances or, as in this case, a combination of both. In From Here To Eternity I believe we’ve given all four elements in just about every scene throughout the movie — and that, in my opinion, is what makes it a great film.

Scene two between Sergeant Warden and Karen also has several departures from the draft script. These changes are more extensive. In fact, several lines of dialogue are cut from the end of the second draft version. I’ll talk a bit more about that after we’ve read the scene as filmed, which comes at about the twenty minute point in the movie:

EXT. BACK PORCH OF HOLMES’ HOUSE. DAY. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT WARDEN standing outside in the rain. He wears a GI rain hat and coat. He pauses, then knocks briskly on the door of the screened porch. Karen opens the kitchen door onto the porch. She is in shorts and a blouse.

KAREN: Well, if it isn’t Sergeant Warden. You better step inside or you’ll get wet.

INT. PORCH OFF KITCHEN – DAY MEDIUM SHOT She opens the screen door and he steps onto the porch. He removes his rain hat, shaking off the raindrops.

WARDEN: I am wet.

KAREN: If you’re looking for the captain, he isn’t here.

WARDEN: (taking the long chance) And if I’m not looking for him?

KAREN: (unsmiling) He still isn’t here.

WARDEN: (quickly) Well, I’m looking for him. Do you know where he is?

KAREN: I haven’t the slightest idea. Perhaps he’s in town on business. That’s the way you put it the other day, isn’t it?

WARDEN: (fishes in his pocket, brings out papers) I got some papers it’s important for him to sign.

KAREN: (turns) I’ll try phoning him at the Club. Maybe he’s there.

WARDEN: Don’t do that. I never like to disturb a man when he’s drinking. I could use a drink my self. Aren’t you going to ask me in?

Karen finally smiles, faintly. She goes into the kitchen, leaving the door open. Warden follows her.

INT. KITCHEN HOLMES HOUSE – DAY MEDIUM SHOT The kitchen is small and undistinguished.

KAREN: (gestures): The liquor’s there, Sergeant — in the cabinet.

Warden takes a whisky bottle from the cabinet and pours a straight, stiff drink, puts the bottle on the table. He puts the papers down and drinks. Karen leans against the sink counter.

KAREN: You’re taking an awful chance, you know. My maid is liable to be home any time.

WARDEN: No she won’t. Thursday’s her day off.

KAREN: You think of everything, don’t you, Sergeant?

WARDEN: I try. In my position you have to.

KAREN: (goes to table and picks up the papers) Are these really important?

WARDEN: Yes. But not important they get signed today. Tomorrow’s okay.

Karen suddenly, deliberately, rips the papers in half, then crumbles and throws them into the wastebasket.

WARDEN: I got copies at the office, so it won’t be much work to fix them up.

Warden’s control has begun to affect Karen’s now. She is losing her poise.

KAREN: That’s what I like about you, Sergeant. You have confidence. It’s also what I dislike about you.

WARDEN: It’s not confidence, ma’am. It’s honesty. I just hate to see a beautiful woman goin all to waste.

He moves close to Karen, is on the verge of embracing her. Greatly tempted but greatly disturbed, she turns away. During her monologue she pours herself a drink. Her tone is no longer brittle. It is bitter.

KAREN: Waste, did you say, Sergeant? Now that’s a subject I might tell you something about. I know several kinds of waste, Sergeant. You’re probably not even remotely aware of some of them. Would you like to hear? For instance — what about the house without a child? There’s one sort for you. Then there’s another. (Karen takes a drink) You’re doing fine, Sergeant. My husband’s off somewhere, it’s raining outside, and we’re both drinking now. But you’ve probably got one thing wrong. The lady herself. The lady’s not what she seems. She’s a washout, if you know what I mean. And I’m sure you know what I mean.

WARDEN: You gonna cry?

KAREN: (turning away): Not if I can help it.

Warden takes a drink and puts the glass down on the table, hard enough for her to hear.

KAREN (turning back to him): What are you doing?

WARDEN I’m leaving. Isn’t that what you want?

KAREN (slowly) I don’t know, Sergeant. I don’t know.

They stare squarely at each other, both puzzled and a little afraid of their emotions. This is something neither had counted on. He goes to her and they kiss. Music up. The camera pulls back and out the window, into the rain.

FADE OUT

Now that’s one sexy scene, the sexiest in the movie, in my opinion. It’s much more erotic than that sea-soaked episode on the beach, the one that everyone remembers. Toggling back and forth between the second draft script and my tape of the movie was a revelation. I came to appreciate even more the writing skills involved, but also the contributions to the project that Kerr and Lancaster make — how subtly the nuance of facial expression, gesture, and body language communicate and reinforce emotions only hinted at on the page.

And remember that section of dialogue I mentioned that was cut from the second scene — removed either by the screenwriter in a later draft, or perhaps by the director as he shot the movie? In the Daniel Taradash second draft there was no kiss. In its place there is the following exchange, which comes after Karen says, “I don’t know, Sergeant. I don’t know.”

WARDEN: I know a beach near Diamond Head. Nobody ever goes there. The cars on the highway pass above and they never know it’s there. You feel like you used to feel when you were a kid, hiding by yourself in a cave, watching the others hunting you.

Karen turns, goes to the sink, puts the whisky bottle back in the cabinet.

KAREN: Maybe . . . why not?

WARDEN: How about Payday?

KAREN: You don’t have to spend money on me, Sergeant.

WARDEN: I just like to have some on me when I take out a woman. Can you get away?

KAREN: Maybe.

Warden grins. He goes to the door to the porch, pauses there.

WARDEN: I’ll be in Kuhio Park. Say, nine o’clock. Payday.

Karen leans back against the sink, watches him go out to the porch. A moment later the sound of the door is heard as he leaves. She turns on the faucet, starts to rinse the glasses they have used. Suddenly she turns the faucet on full force, watches it pound into the sink.

FADE OUT.

What is wrong with this second draft version of the scene? A more apt question is, What’s right with it? Take the blatant symbolism of the faucet water pounding into the sink, that’s downright corny. And the dialogue is too explicit, from Warden’s crude planning of their first “date” and it’s useless (to the audience) details. It’s all pure exposition that lacks even a suggestion of emotional nuance. Nothing is left for us to think about. Worse still, we feel nothing. We have been talked down to, led by the hand (nose) so that every thing is made perfectly (awfully) clear. Basically, we are disrespected and our intelligence is demeaned. We are insulted by being given TOO MUCH DIRECT INFORMATION.

You don’t have to be a professional screenwriter to figure out which of the two versions of that second scene between Karen and Sergeant Warden is best. It’s simple. The cuts and word changes made by the screenwriter and/or the director, enables us to connect to the story in a personal way. The same is true for the complete film. Throughout we are shown, not just told. We are allowed to feel our way into figuring it out for ourselves. The filmmakers permit us to collaborate in the creative process, and that’s what makes these two scenes — and the rest of the movie, all of which is treated with the same artful craft — so powerful. As I say, it’s a perfect film.

Copyright © 2009 Jim Sizemore.

If you have a classic scene from a classic movie that you’d like to share with the world, write it up (500-1,000 words) and send it along to jimscartoons@aol.com. I’d like to consider it for publication on the blog. Failing that, I’d at least like to know what you think of my choice in this case, pro or con.

Alright, there’s some personal stuff I’ve been turning over and over in my mind that I definitely need to get out before I go crazy. Well, maybe it’s too late, but in theory that’s what my goal is!

This month has been such a blur, I’ve hardly had a chance to just take a step back and look at things in relation to the big picture. I’ve done a lot of thinking, maybe even too much, but mostly I’m just chasing along, trying to keep up with this crazy world that didn’t stop just because I decided I needed it to. That’s such an overwhelming feeling, when I feel like I need to stop everything, freeze time, because things are just too crazy, out of control…happening all at once~ then I realize that the rest of the world is going on as normal, almost as if my life isn’t crashing in around me. Okay, so that may be a bit of a dramatization~ but that’s a pretty accurate description of what it feels like.

Things are getting back on track I think, which is good. Far from normal still, but heading in a more positive direction. I need to focus a lot over the next couple of weeks on getting caught up with school, calming myself down as far as the situations I’ve found myself in, and being comfortable and happy with myself instead of tense and paranoid that every single thing in my life is working against me~ because that’s a really negative feeling, and not at all the way I usually am. I haven’t felt like myself much lately, I’ve just been nervous and uptight, distrusting of basically everyone around me. Which really isn’t that ridiculous, I have every right. However, just because it’s justified, that doesn’t mean I want to continue on this way. I can’t be happy when I’m constantly worrying about what’s going to go wrong next, or trying to determine what hidden motives people might have.

That’s a huge thing for me~ hidden motives. I rarely ever trust that people are 100% genuine in what they’re telling me, the image they’re portraying to me. But in this case, I really want to believe it. I need to believe it. I feel too passionately to NOT to believe it. It’s hardly a choice at this point, but I’m still worried that I’m going to end up regretting it, end up hurt~ again. And I know that I can’t deal with that right now, don’t want to~ I don’t want to let myself be thrown off track for caring, to mess up things I have going for me; it happens all too easily.

But then, what if I never take chances with anything, is that how I want to live my life? Overly-cautious, suspicious of every good thing that happens to me? No, not really. It’s pretty much the polar opposite of who I really am~ impulsive/spontaneous, caring, optimistic, cheerful. That’s the place in my own mind that I need to get back to, the place I need to be so I can be happy again. Enough of the negativity, suspicion, doubt…it may be warranted, but it isn’t making me happy. So I’m going to start working on that~ along with everything else that needs work in my crazy 2o-year-old, boundary-testing life <3 I just hope it actually works.

It’s not that I’m unhappy. I AM happy~ crazily, wonderfully happy…sometimes. But am I really? Would I be happy just by myself, without other people prompting it? I don’t think so. And that’s what concerns me~ I need to be in a place where I’m fine with where I’m at personally~ where despite what’s going on around me, who’s in my life or who’s not, I’m okay, I’m satisfied~ I’m centered. That’s a feeling I haven’t had in a long, long time. My happiness disappears too quickly, it’s affected by too many outside factors. I want that to change, it NEEDS to change. I just have to figure out how.

lovelovelove Sara Rebekah <3

As Aneil and I were walking on the treadmill at our local Snap Fitness place, we overhead a woman call her neighbor (while getting on the treadmill next to us) telling her that she was just leaving work and that she would not be able to get there to pick up her daughter for another half-hour–would that be okay?

So, part of me wanted to yell something about the treadmill or make the weights behind us clang together just to let the neighbor know the real story.  I mean, if this happened to me, I would be furious!

Wait–it did happen to me!  Last year, our son, Jack, had a friend over after school to work on a project for history class.  This young man called his mother to pick him up and she asked me if I would mind keeping him for an extra hour–over the dinner hour–so that she could go and get her triathalon workout in for the day.  I was flabbergasted that a mom would just kick her son to the curb of someone she had never met–and expect me to fix him dinner.  But, at least she was honest with me and told me the truth.  I actually said yes, more for my son and his friend, because I could not believe that a parent would put their own workout above their own child and leave them with a complete stranger.  I felt badly for this boy and didn’t want him to think that I would leave him out in the cold like his mother.

But, I guess stranger things have probably happened.

-karen

Why would someone think that those closest to him/her are playing mind games (even with very serious issues). Even when those people who love you, you no longer seem able to trust as you once did. Every word or sentence seems to be interpreted as the opposite meaning or something else.

Why can’t some of us seem to make any kind of positive decision to anything, the mind is wandering between one extreme to the other (for example; do you love somebody or zero feelings towards that person).

There can’t seem to be any control over the mind, and nothing if at all very little seems to come in that’s positive.

Total conflict and distrust with ones own mind, how can anything seem genuine?

    November’s city bond election is now history, and Lubbock voters passed two infrastructure proposals and rejected two “quality of life” issues, pretty much as I expected them to do.

    According to the good folks at the Lubbock County Office of Elections, unofficially, more than 64 percent of the 21,000-plus city voters approved $43 million in bonds for street improvements and more than 75 percent were in favor of spending $7.5 million for firefighting facilities and equipment.

    On the other hand, city voters overwhelming rejected bonds of $1.2 million for water recreation facilities and $9 million for soccer facilities.

    I think the voters were telling City Hall that, in this economic climate, we need to be spending our tax dollars on “needs” and not “wants.”

    On top of that, while some on the current council have restored credibility to City Hall that was lost under the previous mayor and city administration, there is still a distrust of City Hall that won’t go away until more administrative changes are made.

American Idea by Walter Williams

American Idea. by Walter Williams .  Americans are harder workers, more philanthropic, individualistic, self-reliant, anti-government than people in most other countries. We’ve turned what was an 18th-century Third World nation into the freest and most prosperous nation in mankind’s entire history. Throughout our history, United States has been a magnet for immigrants around the world. What accounts for what some have called American exceptionalism?

At the heart of the American idea is the deep distrust and suspicion the founders of our nation had for government, distrust and suspicion not shared as much by today’s Americans. Some of the founders’ distrust is seen in our Constitution’s language such as Congress shall not: abridge, infringe, deny, disparage, violate and deny. If the founders did not believe Congress would abuse our God-given rights, they would not have provided those protections. After all, one would not expect to find a Bill of Rights in Heaven; it would be an affront to God. Other founder distrust for government is found in the Constitution’s separation of powers, checks and balances and the several anti-majoritarian provisions such as the Electoral College and the requirement that three-quarters of state legislatures ratify changes in the Constitution.

John Piper, in  a sermon, “Are You Humble Enough to Be Care-free?”

Did you notice (in the NASB) the grammatical connection between [1Peter] verses 6 and 7? “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7 casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.” It’s not merely a new sentence. It’s a subordinate clause.

“Humble yourselves . . . casting your anxieties on him.”

I think this means that casting your anxieties on God is an expression of humility. It’s like saying,

• “Eat politely . . . chewing with your mouth shut.”
• “Drive carefully . . . keeping your eyes open.”
• “Be generous . . . inviting someone over on Thanksgiving.”
• “Humble yourselves . . . casting your anxieties on God.”

One way to be humble is to cast your anxieties on God. Which means that one hindrance to casting your anxieties on God is pride. Which means that undue worry about your future is probably a form of pride.

Like a dog

which is the meaning
of the Greek root for cynic
and I would like to thank
those twenty-two or four or more
year old cynics who adhere to that definition
of being one who believes that human conduct is totally motivated by self-interest
for they have shown me that I am also a cynic
but one who believes as did the ancient Greek school
of Cynic philosophers who held that Virtue
is the Only Good
and its essences are independence and self-control.

Like a dog who sniffs at the passersby
lost or hungry
strong
affection starved
independent but longing for a change
you get mean
or you get meaning.

In other words
I am giving up
the distrust of my youth (when I knew everything
for the trust necessary for the spiritual
search for truth.

Finally
to answer those cynics
who will say that I will fail
though they will pose it as the question
what if I fail? I can only paraphrase
Monty Python
from ‘The Life of Brian’,
you come from nothing, you go to nothing,
so what have you got to lose?
Nothing!

during the winter break one of the parents sent a letter to the pastor recommending my removal – among other things. several events i dont have time to recount predicated this but suffice to say it was mainly based on a fundamental disagreement about the nature of the role i filled and the methodology i employed in that role.

this was just one in a growing series of headbutts.

having my heart burdened for the victims of hurricane ike id spent the fall trying to convince the youth committee that god had given me a vision for our spring break that didnt include snow skiing in santa fe. in our planning mtg i made it clear that they could go skiing if they chose to do so but that i was planning a mission trip to the hurricane devastated texas gulf coast.

apparently this was not made as clear as id hoped and after we became aware of the confusion the pastor called a mtg and supported the mission trip idea. this quieted things leading up to the trip itself but it failed to actually resolve the problem which merely smoldered until after we returned at which point i had to meet with certain individuals and explain it all again.

this is when everything went speedily downhill.

after the intern resigned id texted facebooked and left voicemail on numerous occasions in an effort to rescue the relationship or at least resolve issues but for the remainder of the spring there was no reciprocal communication. the handful of times i was able to make it out to one of the bsm mtgs the former intern avoided me and made quick exits after it was over. this was the status quo for the semester.

in april i took part in a series of conversations with several different people which put me in a precarious situation. several college students and bsm members informed me that the parties had continued with underage drinking regularly taking place. this alone was no surprise but when i found out that the former intern was still active in being a spiritual mentor to some of the teenagers in my care i was given no further choice but to bring the matter into the open.

there was no way around it.

i still wanted to give the former intern an opportunity to be there to hear and respond to the accusations so i made one final attempt to make contact which resulted in a short mtg between us that left me at a complete loss for words. the former intern walked out but then contacted the pastor and several key committee members professing innocence and offering a version of the events that severely betrayed the truth of the matter.

and so it was that a mtg with the committee and other youth parents was called for a tuesday evening. the pastor began by offering a short version of what we knew. he made it clear that we had not been present but that the testimony had been given us by multiple witnesses. he shared the process we had undertaken with the intern at the time and the reason we had not immediately brot the situation to their attention. he explained our desire for reconciliation and not judgment.

he concluded his initial survey of the circumstances and opened the floor and the flood of questions and commentary that followed resulted in an apparent agreement among the group that the former intern was innocent and that i was the real problem. the mtg devolved from an informational expose on the accusations against the former intern for the sake of the potential damage that could be done into an open forum on the distrust borne toward me and my ministry with the youth of the church. i was told that several students had almost lost their faith bc of my teachings and i was accused of fostering open rebellion. i was blamed for the former interns dissatisfaction and departure.

and the seed of my resignation sprouted.

]]> http://aisosa.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/losing-trust/ Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:38:40 +0000 Aisosa http://aisosa.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/losing-trust/

its scary when you no longer trust the people you once loved.
Its scary when you have to consider safety where there was abandon.
its awful when you see the proof. and it hurts more when you can’t deny.
Yeah i seen the proof. yeah i know its you.
No i cant do anything about it. But protect yself from you.
Because i dont want to be burned in the fire that you’re building..
in the fire thats waiting for you to step closer.
I love you but I love me more.. and I love the life i haven’t yet lived Most.

Ega

By Zachary Polka

‘Avoid conflicts of interest, real or perceived,’ as stated in the Society of Professional Journalists’ code of ethics.

Katharine Weymouth, Washington Post publisher, was questioned for a flier promoting a “salon” dinner for as much as $250,000, explained in Mike Allen and Michael Calderone’s article, Washington Post cancels lobbyist event amid uproar.

Promotions and gifts are forbidden on either side, and Weymouth looks to be covering it up.

Weymouth’s grandmother, former Washington Post Publisher Katharine Graham, held such parties in the past to meet in an off-the-record capacity.

Powerful men of the capitol would come together and discuss business and news with media members of the Washington Post.

Recently, fliers circulated to health care lobbyist for a similar meet with The Post’s editorial and heath care reporting staff.  All seemed fine until one lobbyist with a conflict of paying for access to the “health care reporting and editorial staff” gave one flier to a reporter.

With this information widely out, Weymouth reported she planned for the party but didn’t okay the fliers.  So, she was or wasn’t going to charge for the dinners?

Weymouth also said there is a future revenue source in bringing Washington figures together.

(Press secretary Robert Gibbs told New York Times’ Jeff Zeleny that no one at the White House had accepted invitations to Washington Post “salons.”)

Her grandmother did with $25,000 as the bid.

Hey its 2009, since the year has more zeros, why not add some into the price tag.  Honestly, if the goal is to go against policies and ethics, then lets go with a bang.  It’s okay, as long as we don’t get caught!

Freelance Journalist Terry Gardner had a tough time submitting articles on traveling after she donated her hair for a free airline ticket in support of an airline’s promotion.

She advertised an airline on her skull for a few of weeks, and newspapers wouldn’t accept any of her stories from that trip.

If it is hard for a freelance reporter to publish articles referring to traveling on a free trip, why is it fine for the Washington Post to still publish articles related to health care?  Do these practices invoke distrust with other areas of the paper?  With sharp budget cuts and swift layoffs, is it okay for news media to bend their ethics to stay afloat?