Happy Meals are evil.

Kinder Surprise eggs are evil.

Chuck E. Cheese is evil.

Ruckers is evil.

Christmas crackers are evil.

Piñatas are evil.

Why?  What do all of these have in common?

TINY CRAPPY TOYS!!!

My house is overrun with little plastic toys and wrapped candies and cheap jewelry and flimsy hair scrunchies and more plastic toys.  No more.  Enough is enough.  The house has achieved complete saturation of tiny, useless items.  We can’t absorb any more.

I am going to break with the local tradition and stop producing loot bags for birthday parties.  No more beaded bracelets and bubble containers from Dollarama.  We might do a craft which produces a quality, usable item like a shirt but I’m not sending any children home with a bag full of random stuff just because I’m supposed to.  Since when do I do what I’m supposed to do?

Welcome everyone, this is a blog dedicated to showing all the weird and wild things I find at thrift stores and dollar stores. Can’t wait to get started.

To follow up on yesterday’s post, I thought I’d put my money where my mouth is, as it were, and provide some helpful advice on how to make the season less stressful.

Shopping, is one of the craziest things to attempt this time of year and I’m sure there are one or two of you who haven’t done most of your Christmas shopping yet. So how better to assist you than to provide some helpful tips on how to avoid the malls and make your gift-giving a lot easier?

 Excellent idea, I thought, and got to work – only to remember that I already did a list like this last year. So, away I went to find the list.

 It’s timeless. I’m lazy. Everyone else does encore presentations of stuff at Christmas. Why not me? Just this once. Also, I know quite a lot of you haven’t seen this. So here we go – last minute holiday gift ideas:

1.  Dig out that lovely Christmas stationery you got from your Secret Santa years ago. Use it to type up a bunch of cards saying:  A Donation Has Been Made in Your Name to [insert charity, real or imaginary, of your choice]
2. It’s a day ending in “y” the holidays so you’re going to be going to the liquor store anyway —  why not just buy everyone liquor? Liquor is very festive and always appreciated at this stressful heart-warming time of year.
3. Dig through your trunkful of gifts from Christmases Past that you haven’t ever taken out of their boxes. Wrap them up. Some cheerful paper and a festive, colourful bow will give the illusion that the gift was chosen with care. If you don’t have a re-gift trunk, you might want to consider it for next year.
4. Make some Christmas candles. Candles are very romantic and thoughtful gifts and are quick and easy to make. All you need are some pine needles, some empty toilet paper rolls, used dental floss for wicks — and lots of bacon.  Cook the bacon. Eat the bacon and pour the fat into the toilet paper rolls. Add some colourful pine needles, a hunk of dental floss and stick in the fridge for a while. When it’s hard, tie a nice red festive bow around your fragrant home-made Christmas candle and off you go.
5. Nothing is more popular than self-help books.  Of course, you don’t have time to write and publish a whole book, but you do have time for a “How To” booklet. Just download some good instructional articles from the internet and bind them with some nice festive ribbon. Print off a digital photo of yourself, looking wise, for the cover. You can personalize each booklet by thinking about the greatest failing of each person on your gift list and addressing the “how to” advice accordingly. (e.g.: How to be a Better Parent; How to Say No and Save Big on Penicillin; How to Play with Children Appropriately)
6. Tell everyone that you’re taking a stance against the crass commercialism of the season and will only be celebrating it by enjoying the company of your near and dear ones. Don’t let this stop you from accepting gifts, though. Be humble, but gracious like you’re doing them a favour (just this one last time) by accepting their gifts.
7. Fortunately, you’re a procrastinator, so you haven’t put yourself on the Do Not Call list for telemarketers yet so just sign up all your loved ones for whatever the next phone call offers.
8. Cash is good, especially if you’re shopping for young people. Most of them are unfamiliar with cash, so it will be a novelty for them. Make sure you write up a few instructions on how to use it.
9. Make fudge. Who doesn’t love fudge? If you don’t know how to make fudge, don’t worry. Fudge can be anything sweet mashed together into a square shape. The dollar store offers a lot of cheap knock-off chocolate bars like “Oh Harvey!” or “Kite Cat” or “Knickers”. Melt them all down in a big pot, pour into a big square pan and refrigerate for a while. Then cut into little squares, wrap in cellophane and tie a festive bow around the whole thing.  (Hint: A few shots of Jack Daniels into the pot right at the end, will make your fudge smell exotic).
10. If all else fails, give the gift of faux music. Find some album covers online of bands and singers everybody hates. Glue them into an empty CD case. Wrap in cellophane and glue down the edges. No one will every open the case to notice there isn’t a CD inside and even if they do they’ll be relieved.

Actually, how appropriate is it that I’m recycling this particular post, eh? Heh, heh! Meanwhile, I’ll work on some fresh material as I spend this SNOW DAY quietly at home.

That Saturday we spent our customary three hours food shopping. Like multi-tasking, live streaming and other modern marvels, one-stop shopping doesn’t compute in Cuba. After years of it, I try to find the fun in shuttling between vegetable markets for the salad fixings and fruit we’ll need for the week, then on to the bakery, the honey man’s house, and the juice bar where they fill your liter-and-a-half bottles with fresh squeezed OJ or pineapple juice for 7 pesos (a whopping 35 or so cents). Then comes the dreaded dollar stores – dreaded because they’re absurdly expensive, they get mobbed on weekends, and they never have everything (and sometimes nearly nothing) you need.

While it may sound romantic in a Parisian/Manhattan, shopping-the-neighborhood kind of way, in reality it’s a crowded, expensive exercise in frustration where you stand on long lines to buy whatever’s available.

The Saturday in question, however, opened a new chapter in shopping distress: cruising the aisles of one of Havana’s biggest and best stocked grocery stores (see note 1), looking for two items we desperately needed (see note 2), we were brought up short in front of a freezer piled high with Butterball turkeys. My first reaction was ‘how many gringos work in that Interests Section anyway?’ (see note 3). Then I thought, ‘Cubans aren’t celebrating Thanksgiving and they definitely aren’t paying…Holy shit! $30 for a 10-pound turkey?!’ I know it has come a long way (figuratively speaking) and it looks plump and juicy wrapped seductively in it’s blue and yellow Butterball wrapper, but thirty bucks? Yowza. With that price tag, our idea of hosting a Thanksgiving feast for our Cuban and Yuma friends fizzled.

As we fielded calls from American strays wanting to know if our feast was on, my friend Angela – another of those lovely women-over-65 I’m so fond of here – called us to invite us to her house for Thanksgiving. An American who has lived here twice as long as me, Angela is a fabulous cook and great hostess. It looked like all was not lost for Cuban turkey day.

Angela lives in the heart of it. She can walk to half a dozen theaters and as many bars. She takes her dog down the block to the Malecón. She’s also steps from my favorite paladar (see note 4) and on Raul’s commute route. Her building is an architectural prize-winner and the two-bedroom apartments are highly livable. Which is why a bunch of notable intellectuals, poets, and athletes also reside there. It’s not quite Fama y Aplauso, but it’s close (see note 5).

Given the status of Angela’s neighbors, I shouldn’t have been surprised when we arrived at her building and encountered a young Cuban woman with a striking grey-eyed, caramel-coated Siberian Husky. I’m not sure I’d ever seen a dog quite like this, and certainly not here in Havana (if you ask me, such northern breeds should be outlawed in these tropical climes). We stopped to pet the dog and ask about him, which is obligatory when running into Cubans in the street with their kids or pets in tow.

“He’s 8 months old,” his owner told us.

“And a big mouth to feed, eh?” my husband averred with that food security subtext that laces many casual conversations here.

“The problem is, we can’t get him to eat anything. He’s so fussy he won’t even eat steak!” said the young woman who had fed her dog something 11 million Cubans only dream of.

After picking my jaw off the ground I thought: ‘Terry is living on rice and lentils and this woman is feeding beef to her pure bred.’ I smiled weakly. ‘I bet I could buy five Butterballs with what she paid for that pup on the black market.’ Cuban contradictions: they just keep on coming.

—

The aromas drifting from Angela’s kitchen, through the living room, to the balcony and Malecón beyond were pure home: golden crispy turkey, herby stuffing, fresh-baked pie, drippings, and gravy. As we took it all in, Angela presented us to the other guests: Inés, a very proper black woman who is an urban planner; César, her multi-lingual, globe-trotting husband who is an ecological agriculture expert and set off my Gaydar immediately (see note 6); and Moisés, an accomplished professor and set designer – no Gaydar required.

Everyone had brought something to the party and the sideboard was heavily laden. There was a green salad, an eggplant dish, a squash dish, stuffing (which is a hard concept to explain to Cubans, who, even as they’re eating it, can’t believe stale bread could taste so good), sweet potato pie, and gravy. But the jewel in the menu’s crown was the cranberry sauce.

I believe the world is divided into two kinds of people: those who eat “cranberry sauce” from a can and those who don’t (and won’t). You can imagine which camp the Cook’s Illustrated-subscribing, Epicurious-browsing Angela falls into. So rather than import a can of that…whatever it is, she made one of those clever culinary punts Havana requires: she re-hydrated her Trader Joe’s dried cranberries, chopped in some orange and zest and I don’t know what else and let it stew overnight. It was delicious, and a delicious first, for the majority of the guests.

Meanwhile, the perfectly plucked and tucked turkey sat in all its crispy, golden glory on the kitchen counter. Angela and I chatted as she finished the gravy. Her beloved next door neighbors (so beloved they share custody of her dog and recently surprised her after one of her off-island trips by painting her entire apartment) always partake in the feast, she told me, but never with the other guests. Instead, they take the casserole dishes and salad bowl, gravy boat, and platter of meat down the hall to eat in the comfort of their own home. I was glad Angela gave me the head’s up – otherwise I might have blurted out something off-the-wall inappropriate when a long-haired Cuban loped into the kitchen, scooped the turkey off the counter, and spirited it out the front door. For once, I kept my mouth shut and the turkey arrived 20 minutes later all carved and artfully arranged on two platters: one for light meat, one for dark. Mysteriously, there was no skin on those platters and for a second I wondered if Angela’s neighbors were part of the Husky lady’s clan. Perhaps they were saving the best part not for the dog, but for themselves, I reasoned, though that would go against what I know about (most) Cubans and these folks in particular (see note 7).

Finally it was time to dig in and the two Yuma and four Cubans did what millions around the United States and expats around the world were doing this fourth Thursday in November: we ate, drank, and made merry. And when we couldn’t pack in another bite, the longhaired neighbor with a junkie’s slope shuffled in and carried off the moveable feast. At least another six people were going to sup on that pavo Butterball and try cranberries for the first time.

Inés dozed in the rocker. Angela passed coffees around, while my husband and César swapped Poland travel stories. With the ¡buen provechos! still echoing around the apartment, I realized this was my first Thanksgiving in Cuba that really felt like it. And it had more to do with Angela and César, Inés, Moisés, and my husband than Butterball. For these old and new friends, I’m thankful.

Notes

1. These stores used to be called “diplotiendas” in the 90s because only diplomats and foreigners were allowed to shop there. This was back when dollars were illegal for Cubans to hold. I was surprised when I rocked up to one of these stores in 1993 (at Calle 70 & 3ra, the store in this post coincidentally) and I had to show my passport to gain entry. In another of those innumerable instances here where there’s a rule and 20 ways to break it, my Cuban friends followed close on my heels and we got all giddy and went weak in the knees ogling the bright, shiny products displayed aisle after aisle.

2. For weeks we’ve been trying to get dishwashing soap. Now, coffee has gone missing: we’ve been to 7 stores in the past 3 days searching for coffee. Needless to say, my jones has already kicked in. As I write this, our house has neither dishwashing soap nor coffee – a situation we’ll have to resolve somehow, fast.

3. Until 1977, the two countries had no diplomatic representatives in their respective capitals. That year, US and Cuba opened what are called Interests Sections instead of consulates or full blown embassies in Havana and Washington. Also, in the writing of this post, I learned there are just 51 US citizens employed at the US Interests Section in Havana. They can’t all be buying turkeys can they?!

4. Paladares are privately-owned and operated restaurants found in most cities across the island. You read right: privately owned and operated, and these, along with other legal private enterprises in Cuba (renting out rooms, taxis, cafeterias) are making some Cubans very rich. So when you read about everything in Cuba being owned and run by the state and all Cubans being poor, think again.

5. Fama y Aplauso is a 20-story high rise on the corner of Infanta & Manglar in a nondescript pocket of Havana near the Estadio Latinoamericano. Some of Cuba’s most famous musicians, athletes, and policy wonks live here, in lovely 2- or 3-bedroom apartments with expansive views over the city. The residents’ star power is why the building is nicknamed Fame and Applause.

6. In Cuba, homosexuals are one thing, while men who have sex with men (MSM) are in a category all their own. Machismo – that complex ingrained, learned, and replicated construct that has effects on everything here from household chores to condom use – means few men identify as homosexuals, even as they fiddle the flesh flute of their extramarital boy toys. In fact, it’s not uncommon for Cuban men to have a wife and kids and male lovers. I know several.

7. I’ve just learned from my husband that it’s a cultural thing: eating bird skin just doesn’t appeal (and it is weird if you think about it). Still, that doesn’t keep Cubans from sharpening their elbows when it comes to apportioning the glistening, saffron-hued skin of a freshly roasted pig.

When I was much younger, most if not all of the product labels read “Made in America”.  Not so today.  We have labels from all over the globe.  Embarrassingly, on some items I don’t even recognize the country on its label.  Countries such as Liechtenstein and the Grenadines.

My family likes to visit various dollar stores.  Last month I searched a dollar store in hopes of finding a product or two with “Made in America” on its label.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch. 

That’s okay.  I still bought a few dollar items, but that got me thinking.  What does my “label” read and how about your “label”?  Made in America?  Made in Africa?  Made in Asia?  Where? 

If you really think about it, we weren’t made in America, Africa, Asia or elsewhere. We were made by God with heavenly hands and placed here on earth. The Bible says in Genesis 1…..”He created us in His image.”  That’s our “label”.

I have heard and read that some claim to be self made.  Sort of a Clint Eastwood attitude.  You almost can hear Dirty Harry in his own words saying that he got up early, pulled up his boots, dusted off his hat, worked the land, did things his way on his terms, no need for help, don’t depend on anyone, just “git r done”. 

Honestly, that couldn’t be farther from the truth for my “label”.  My “label” has many people’s influence, impartation, teaching and guiding, opportunities, smiles and words of encouragement, times and places where they chased me down and were instrumental in turning me back on the right track, loved me, graced me, mercied me, and – well you get the picture.

I am not self made.  Very far from it.  If I had a “label”, it would read:   Made by God.  Developed and improved by many others from around the globe.

What does your “label” read?

With the economy in such bad shape, it’s only natural to turn to money saving sources.  For me – at least with some items – the dollar store becomes a desert oasis.

Now I have my weekly list of items.  Let’s see now.  Dental floss, paper cups, matches, razor blades, paper napkins, etc.  These are things I wouldn’t obtain from places like Walmart, Target, or Myers.

There’s a few prized dollar stores I frequent.  Among my frequented hall of fame includes Family Dollar, Dollar Tree, Deals and Dollar General.

Amish Dollar General Stores

Now these stories actually happened.  In a town close to where I live.  Yet I can’t say what happened there is typical.  Know why?  Down in Arcola, Illinois and in the nearby city of Aurthur, there’s a different story.  They have 2 Dollar Generals, along with a sizable Amish population.  In fact, some Amish folks even work at the stores.

The Amish are cool – I admire them.  They don’t own modern technology.  Yet they don’t mind asking for a ride…using your phone…or other technology favors.  But if your house ever burned down – guess what?  They would bring an army to help you.

If I gave a rate to Amish population Dollar General stores, I would give them two thumbs up.  Excuse me if I borrow from the movie rating system of Sisco and Ebert.

Now the Dollar General Near Me

Let me share some stories about a Dollar General near me.  My mom is about 88 years old and sometimes return items she purchased.  She has the proper tag on the item, along with a store receipt.  When she returned something to this Dollar General store, the clerk asked for a drivers license?  Excuse me???  She has returned items to places like Walmart, CVS, and Walgreens.  She had the proper store tags and receipts.  Not once was she asked for a drivers license.

Another time I went to this store and asked the manager to double bag some heavy items.  Guess what?  He said it was against store policy to double bag items.  Yet if the customer wishes to do this – they can.  I say that this policy was very strange.  He mentioned bag prices were related to the price of oil.  What?  Does that make sense?

My most pressing complaint is that the isles are always full of boxes.  Not empty boxes, mind you – but boxes full of stuff that needs stacking.  I never notice this at other dollar stores.  Nor do I notice it at stores like Walmart, Target, Myers, CVS or Walgreens.

Let’s Return to Google Voice and Gizmo5

I’ll take a break from dollar stores and return to my Gizmo5/Google Voice hybrid.  Google Voice now functions as both a business line, as well as an overall phone umbrella and answering machine.  I just purchased a Grandstream Budge-Tone-201 phone for $50.  Last week, I shared a configuration article how to set up a SIP phone adapter with Gizmovoice at http://tinyurl.com/ylql4uh.  There’s a better article I found at http://is.gd/4UgFL.  I had one more port on my router, which was used for this setup.  This week sent me a surprise – Google Voice just brought Gizmo5 (see http://is.gd/4UAyx).

Guess what?  This is now my “official” business line.  I found a forum thread somewhere.  A person wanted to run Vonage with another VOIP service.  The Vonage folks say yes – use a router.  It works perfectly, Vonage.  Thanks for the tip.  I enjoyed a wonderful Vonage-based conversation with an Australian friend.

Sound quality?

Google Voice + Gizmo5 + G.S.-B.T. 201 + Linksys Router = Vonage + Vonage Router + Linksys Router

Remember My Pre-Linksys router problem with IP addresses?

In case you don’t – please refer to early blog entries in the past 2 months.  But I got an answer from Amazon forums:

The computer is looking for the V-Portal in both cases.

You can do the following when you make changes: In the search area under Start type in “CMD” without quotes. When the command prompt shows up, type in “ipconfig /release” then when prompted, type in “ipconfig /renew”
This will allow the computer to renew the ip address without rebooting either V-portal or the modem

Should I Market On FaceBook?

It’s a question on a Linkedin group I run.  Here’s my answer:

Any social media site can be used for promotion: I chiefly use Twitter, FaceBook, Ecademy and Linkedin. While FaceBook is not where I’m actively engaged, it has some benefits. There’s an application where you can feed Twitter updates to Facebook automatically. You can also set up Friend Feed to take in Twitter feeds. I have made friends on FaceBook, whom I mutually follow on Twitter. Recently FaceBook has purchased Friend Feed, just like Google Voice has purchased Gizmo5. Friend Feed has the “potential” for being a competitor of Twitter. Keep options open but spend more time on what works. You need to test – a key component of the direct response marketing school – this also applies to the Social Media arena.

And now – drum rolls please!~You can add Twitter Tweets to Linkedin  http://is.gd/4UTYM

Oh, Wow!

Oh, Wow, is right!  I replaced 14 bathroom vanity bulbs with the new energy saving variety.  Yet the best prices weren’t from the dollar store.  I found this bulbs for $1 each at Myers and Ace Hardware.

http://b2b-techcopy.com – Business

http://b2b-techcopy.net – Blog

My little brother came home with this Rubik’s cube from the dollar store. We all love the idea of being able to get things cheaply for a dollar, but the key word to keep in mind is cheap. He’s all excited about this Rubik’s cube he bought, and I couldn’t understand it. I don’t know why it’s ever a good idea to buy a toy that is utterly frustrating, but he thought it was a good idea.

Maybe three days went past and the cube was in pieces. He’d turned it one too many times and the whole thing fell to pieces. My sister, who likens herself to a Mr. Fix It, dedicated her time (really the time it took us to get to church-about twenty or so minutes) to fixing it. She did succeed in putting it back together. All the pieces were there, and you could turn it without it falling apart again. Was it really fixed though?

Rubik’s cubes can be solved mathematically or by sheer luck. I’m pretty sure if math is involved that there’s a certain way it should be done. For that reason, I highly doubt that the cube is fixed. It looks fine on the outside. It’s functional. However, it will never be quite right.

Life is about choice. We all make choices knowing that there is going to be an outcome. My days of high school physics told me that for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Yet, in life it seems like sometimes the reactions aren’t equal. They seem a great deal bigger than those initial choices.

Let’s take college, for instance. The first choice is whether or not you choose to go. Where you choose to go largely depends on your finances, your major, location, the school’s reputation, and parental opinion. For some, parental opinion doesn’t weigh in big. For others that may be under eighteen when going to college, parental opinion can turn into parental control. Once you’re in college, you make and lose friends, add and drop classes (or in my case majors), pick and choose advisors, etc. There are tons of choices leading up to the day you earn your degree, which you receive if your choices add up correctly.

I went to a small liberal arts college, not fully by my own choice. I had almost every major in the catalogue and sported several matching advisors. Some days I went to class, and some days I didn’t. (I’ll admit I usually didn’t go to class if it was raining. I’m not a fan.) I teetered between being insecure and overly confident on a daily basis. I made good friends, and I pushed away great ones. I’m glad to say the best ones are still around. I laughed. I loved. I cried. I hated. I picked a major I was good at. Many things fell apart in college, but I got through it. I graduated.

I was functioning. I even went on to graduate school with the major I’d picked basically during my junior year. How I graduated in four years is still a mystery to most. Things were looking good on the outside. I guess I hadn’t put the pieces back together as well as I’d thought. Things just wouldn’t add up. I was pursuing a graduate degree in a subject I was good at. I was completely unhappy. It didn’t make any sense. Reading and writing was no longer fun. It was mechanical. It was methodical. It was uninteresting.

I was in a two-year program, but the expectation was to continue to the Ph.D. I just had to get through the first year and everything would fall into place. The second year came, and midway through I realized I was wrong. I was in the midst of budding scholars housing a passion for their interests. I hated teaching. I hated the classes. I wasn’t too fond of some of the professors. It looks like I didn’t put things back together correctly when they had fallen apart. 

My brother made the choice to spend his dollar. He may have felt that the would find a great bargain if he went to the dollar store. He chose the toy. He chose when and how to play with it. In the end, he lost. He now has a toy that looks good on the outside but can never live up to its full potential. These are the results of the choices he made. That’s life.

I love Target and I love the Dollar stores. Now that Christmas is fast approaching, I am on a hunt for Christmas gifts. Today I found 50 sticky Christmas tags for a $1 and tissue paper as well as some cute little treasures for my girls that did not break the bank. Next time you are in Target check out the dollar section. They have all sorts of neat things!

Stores that sell everything for a dollar or close to it have been part of the shopping landscape for quite a while. But do these stores really offer money-saving solutions for frugal shoppers saving for debt settlement? Depending on what you need, you may discover dollar stores really could save you money.
 
Cleaners
 
According to MSN Money, many shoppers head to dollar stores specifically for some kind of household cleaner.
 
You may want to consider your favorite brand-name product and compare its ingredients with your choice from the dollar store. Do you find many differences? A cleaner with a well-known label doesn’t necessarily do a better job than one without a brand name.
 
Food And Grocery Items
 
Some products in this category can turn out to be good buys, but use caution. MSN Money suggests thinking along the lines of purchasing items such as spices which can sometimes be overpriced in supermarkets.
 
Cereals, crackers and soda may also be good choices as long as boxes are sealed completely. Also, remember to check the expiration labels. Good Housekeeping recommends passing on the item if no expiration date is listed or if the item is close to expiring.
 
Also, use caution when considering the purchase of canned vegetable or fruit, trash bags, food-storage bags, foam and plastic cups and bottled water which may be more expensive on a per-unit basis at dollar stores than at some supermarkets and retail competitors.
 
Kitchen Utensils
 
Dollar stores could be a good shopping destination if you need to stock your kitchen with inexpensive utensils, according to MSN Money.
 
Items like kitchen knives, dishes, spoons, forks, latex kitchen gloves, graters, funnels, whisks, peelers and spatulas are likely to work just as well as similar cooking tools offered at larger discount stores.

Growing up, my mother always shopped at dollar stores, and I used to think how dull.  However, now that I am broke, and the price is always a dollar.  It remakes me think how frugal I need to be during this time, and most likely for the rest of my life.  Why pay $1.50 more if you can get the same toothpaste for a $1.   They also have great scrapbooking stuff.  I told my husband I was going to the dollar store, and he said why not go to the regular grocery store.  I told him why pay $1.50 more when I can get the same product for $1.  Sometimes I wonder..his parents are extremely frugal…so why isn’t he in certain areas.Oh well.  Tonight I will continue my job search. woohoo.

Great link about dollar store myths and truths. Check it out!

http://om.ly/FhRH

Looking back, I’d say that my sister’s love of dollar stores started in the early 1980s while we were on family vacations to Long Beach Island, NJ.  Located in the heart of the shopping district was a store that we both adored–The Dollar Parlor. We were kids and our allowance was meager, so The Dollar Parlor was our best bet–everything was a dollar or less!

Since school’s been out, I’ve had more time to spend with my sister–she lives 89 miles away–and in the last few weeks I’ve learned firsthand just how devoted she is to the dollar stores in her neighborhood.  Until last month, I’d never actually ventured into a Dollar Tree, Just a Buck, or Five Below.  Now, thanks to my sister, I’ve visited each of these stores–several times over!

To be honest, I’m not a snobby shopper–I love Marshalls, HomeGoods, and TJ Maxx–but the dollar stores scared me a bit.  I’d always envisioned expired and dented canned goods with missing labels, hairbrushes with broken bristles, and  toys featuring lead paint.

My sister managed to spend almost $20 in one shop and $13 at another, but I wasn’t convinced.  Jess: $33, Nat: $0.  I navigated the shopping cart (of course it had a bockety wheel), my nephew grabbing everything within arm’s length.  In one aisle–the health and beauty section–he managed to sweep his arm across a shelf of shampoos, leaving me flailing to keep the bottles from upending on the floor.  As I called desperately to my sister, he swiveled and put his hand into an unsuspecting woman’s purse.  She was not amused but did let him keep the $5 bill he fished from her wallet.

The shampoos that ended up on the floor (about 30 bottles) lost their cheap-ass lids and shampoo was pooling on the grungy carpet.  I had my arms outstretched, trying to stop the domino effect, to no avail.  My sister sauntered into the aisle, surveyed the carnage, let out a bark of laughter and called me an AMATEUR.

In the end, I took refuge in the safety of my own home, far from the siren call of the dollar stores, and even further from my nephew’s long-ranging grasp.

And you, do you LOVE the dollar stores?  Fess up…tell Auntie Nat what YOU buy at the dollar shops!

Every town has one. You know, that place where everything costs a dollar. Near my house it’s called the Dollar Tree, but it takes many names. It’s a great place to go if you have a dollar in your pocket and no common sense in your head.

Here are some tips for getting the most out of your experience at the local dollar store:

-Everything there is something you could buy at a Wal-Mart for more money. One day, you’ll be walking the aisles of Wal-Mart looking for a barbecue lighter. You pay, say, three bucks. Next week you see it at the Dollar Store for a dollar! How do they do it?

Some think it has to do with the fact that they use Chinese labor. They hope that’s why.

Usually, though, it’s because everything at the Dollar Store is crap.

Strolling down aisles at a dollar store is like going to the Island of Misfit Toys. It’s depressing. They’ve got toy dogs with no heads, and toy dolphins whose skin feels like old used condoms. They have neon-colored flyswatters. They have food harvested from Zimbabwe.

Just remember: If you go to the Dollar Store, you’re purchasing crap you could have bought at Wal-Mart for an extra two dollars. And from Wal-Mart it would actually work right.

Don't buy these. Ever.

-Everybody at the dollar store is incredibly depressing. When you go, everybody will be dejected, all the time, and those that aren’t dejected are pedophiles. Many will be wearing Crocs shoes and old flip-flops. Don’t be an asshole to any of these people. Except for the pedophiles.

-Don’t buy any of their food, ever, except for snacks with brand names. I have never bought a jar of pickles from the dollar store. I will never buy a jar of pickles from the dollar store. Food should be bought at a supermarket, not at a place that puts hard salami on a shelf next to a pair of novelty sunglasses.

I hope this article has been enlightening. I sure feel enlightened, but it might just be this Dollar Store flashlight.

The recession has been a boon to dollar stores, which attracted increased consumer spending in 2008, including spending among high and middle income shoppers, according to The Nielsen Company. Nielsen’s analysis of consumer shopping habits shows consumers at all income levels shopping more at dollar stores, with high income shoppers spending 18 percent more at dollar stores in the second half of 2008 compared to the prior year. Dollar stores are outpacing major consumer packaged goods (CPG) channels among both low and high income shoppers.

The analysis was presented today at Nielsen’s Consumer 360 conference, the CPG industry’s premier educational and networking event, attended by more than 700 industry professionals.

Dollar stores are small to mid-size stores that sell an assortment of CPG products, ranging from household cleaning products to food, usually at low prices. Originally taking their name from the fact that most products were priced at or below one dollar, today’s dollar stores offer products at a variety of price ranges, with an average of only 23 percent of products at or below the one dollar price point. Even so, the continued focus on comparatively low prices and value is drawing shoppers from all income levels. According to Nielsen, an estimated 65 million U.S. consumers shopped at dollar stores in 2008.

“The troubled economy and rising costs in healthcare, education, and food have caused everyone — even those with high incomes — to rethink where they purchase basic household goods,” said Jeff Gregori, vice president, Retail Services, The Nielsen Company. “Five years ago, shoppers weren’t sure what they would find in a dollar store. Today, dollar stores are delivering more consistent selection and value, and consumers are shopping dollar stores more regularly to fulfill their basic CPG needs.”

Despite the increase in spending among high and middle income shoppers, low income shoppers are still the primary dollar store customer. According to Nielsen’s research, 45 percent of dollar store sales are from low annual household incomes (below $30K), 47 percent from middle incomes (between $30K and $99.9K), and only eight percent from high incomes (greater than $100K).

The most loyal dollar store customers tend to have low incomes and live in small towns and rural areas or in urban centers. Senior couples, senior singles (particularly widows) and younger families with children are more likely to shop in dollar stores only occasionally, relying on other retail channels to meet the rest of their household needs.

In terms of products, dollar stores have become a regular shopping destination for everyday household staples. Among those who regularly shop at dollar stores, the most commonly purchased household items include paper goods, such as napkins and paper towels, detergent, trash bags, and cleaning and laundry supplies. The most common edible items are candy, snacks and cookies.

“With more shoppers having positive experiences at dollar stores, there is a significant opportunity for dollar stores and CPG manufacturers to build loyalty and expand into new product categories, such as food and beverages and select health and beauty care,” said Gregori. “There is also a potential growth opportunity in exploring dollar store private label offerings in both edible and non-edible products. The challenge for dollar stores and CPG manufacturers is to get the product mix right to meet the needs of their traditional customers as well as new customers with higher incomes.”

While perusing WWD this afternoon I learned:

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. continues to leave everyone else in its wake. Wal-Mart’s flat profits stood in direct contrast to the other stores reporting results Thursday, all of which saw profits declines. Nordstrom Inc., Urban Outfitters Inc. and Kohl’s Corp. saw profits fall 31.9 percent, 27.6 percent and 10.5 percent, respectively, but all three finished above consensus estimates.

Among Wal-Mart’s initiatives in the current quarter are a series of in-store commercials called “American Summer,” incorporating idyllic summer scenes and products available at Wal-Mart and on display in 2,650 units. Cash-strapped shoppers also will have access to new dollar aisles, where everything in stock costs $1, a move clearly aimed at the dollar-store sector that has been booming in the downturn.

Philadelphia-based Urban Outfitters said customers today are responding only to merchandise they absolutely can’t live without.

“Our data tells us the customer is buying less and that she’s more discriminating,” ceo Glen Senk told analysts on a conference call. “She’s seeking fashion, and there’s no evidence of price elasticity on desirable product. If it’s a ‘love,’ she’s buying it, plain and simple. If it’s a ‘like,’ perceived as too basic, or a recycle of older fashion, she may wait for the first markdown. And if she doesn’t like the product, it’s not going to sell until it’s on clearance.”

As a result, he challenged his merchants and designers “to work harder and smarter to create and identify the ‘loves.’ Just like our customer, they’ve got to be more discriminating.”

Have you grown  tired of the Polly Paranoids who have pulled the wool over our eyes the past year that luxury is dead?  I have.

The ones who boldly claimed in articles and on covers of business publications, “we are in a whole new world where luxury is dead. And this isn’t just a trend, it is a fundamental shift for  shoppers.” Yeah, right. Got it, end of world right around the corner. Sack and ashes. Bad times here to stay. Life sucks.

If that’s the case then why, why did the news come in from Paris that LVMH, the biggest luxury goods company including the Louis Vuitton brand post a profit?  Don’t look for widespread coverage of that fact on cable news channels or your local TV station.  If anything they’ll have a talking head guy on to  say, “yeah BUT…”

For them, Wal-Mart and the Dollar Store are all we could be shopping at now and forever. After all, wasn’t it just about a month ago we saw Warren Buffet decrying a “new world” after the economy “fell off a cliff?”

A WSJ  article by Max Colchester details all the brands under LVMH in the article in today’s edition.  Here was one quote, “Mega brands are producing results ahead of the market average,” says Luca Solca, a luxury analyst at Sanford C. Bernstein.

Point of this post? The world is still spending on luxury. Hold on to your core customer. Sell your merch.  Don’t destroy your brand by discounting. Someone’s getting the $$$ – look in the mirror – maybe its your fault.

If you’d like some help, remember the Retail Doctor makes house calls.