We are at least hoping second time is a charm. So, last week we went in for our second insemination. This time we came into luck when Brooke was ovulating. She had already had the day off of work so there was no chance anyone at her job was gong to find out. However, at my job it was a little more difficult. My mom is my boss so the last time I just had to tell my mom and she lied about why i wasn’t at work. This time she was out-of-town and I had to seriously rearrange things and inform some people as to why. Thankfully no one has been pushy since. This time was different then our first try. First of all our nurse was much easier to be comfortable with and we weren’t as nervous. We knew what we were expecting and our appointment was first thing in the morning. Unlike the last time when we were anxious half the day. It was so funny watching them put the speculum in and having to find her cervix. This time she was more informative about what she was doing the whole time. I so badly wanted to look, but i stayed put holding Brooke’s hand. It has been exactly a week and we haven’t talked about it as much as the last time. We are hoping the less pressure we put on it the more likely it will be to work out.
I found it kind of funny when one of our younger male friends, who is about 19, asked about how the process was going. I told him the first time it didn’t work so we are just going to keep at it. In his mind he said that he thought all it took was one try no matter what. I admit this kind of thing was not something I thought about when I was 19 and it’s definitely different being a guy. Over and over again I am amazed about just how little people know about the whole process we as a lesbian couple have to go through to have a child. This time around we are both less stressed about it all. We will hopefully have more patience. And more than anything I hope this second try will be a charm for us.

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The Republican governor of Rhode Island, Don Carcieri, has vetoed a bill that would allow domestic partners to make funeral and burial plans for their partners, stating that the bill represents “incremental erosion of the principles surrounding traditional marriage.”

Say what?

The bill that Carcieri vetoed has nothing — nothing — to do with marriage of any kind. Heterosexual marriage is the only kind of marriage allowed in Rhode Island, so Carcieri’s reason makes exactly zero sense.

Because Carcieri cannot articulate a logical reason for vetoing this bill, I can only conclude that it’s a senseless reaction based on irrational fear of homosexuals.

It’s also heartless. The bill that Carcieri vetoed “was an outgrowth of the wrenching tale that Mark S. Goldberg told lawmakers about his months-long battle last fall to persuade state authorities to release to him the body of his partner of 17 years, Ron Hanby, for cremation,” according to the Providence Journal. [emphasis mine]

Can someone please tell me what’s so freakin’ scary about homosexuals? Please?

Via Volokh,  one learns that a bill that would have allowed domestic partners the right to provide for the burial of their loved ones, has been vetoed by RI governor Donald Carcieri.

The legislature passed the bill after hearing testimony from a man whose partner of 17 years went unburied for months while state officials rejected his requests to cremate the body as the dead man wished.  State officials were unmoved by the couple’s wills, living wills, powers of attorney, and a marriage certificate from Connecticut.

The pure libertarian position on marriage is that the government should not be in the marriage business, gay or straight; instead any two people should be allowed to draw up whatever contract they wish in order to solidify their relationship. But we are far from such an ideal, and given present reality, it is hard to take seriously those who oppose gay marriage today either from the pure libertarian rationale or from an idea — false, as the above incident shows — that gays in a domestic partnership can have all the same rights if they fill up the right forms. As for those who oppose gay marriage on religious grounds, I don’t take them seriously anyways.

http://www.projo.com/news/2009/pdf/veto_s0195_funeral_directors.pdf

Please read this veto signed by the governor of Rhode Island, Donald Carcieri.  The bill proposed seeks to provide domestic partners funerary-arrangement decision-making power.  Currently, as you can see from the amended bill, there is no such provision, which means that should a person in a domestic partnership die, his or her partner has no say, the deceased’s family does.  This bill simply sought to make domestic partnerships somewhat more on par with marriages, a common talking point of anti-gay rights advocates (“They’re equal!”).

But it was vetoed.  The Governor vetoed it.  And take a look at his reasoning.

“A one (1) year time period for any relationship is not sufficient length of duration to establish a serious, lasting bond between two (2) individuals to supplant the surviving individual over traditional family members….”

WHAT?!?!  This is outrageous!  If this is the case, why are there not laws preventing people from getting married less than a year after meeting?  Why are all of the rights and privileges of married couples afforded upon the simple statement of “I do”?  If a newlywed died while on the honeymoon, would you say to them, “Oh, sorry, your relationship wasn’t long enough to warrant funerary rights”?  Completely discriminatory and heterosexist.

It isn’t until his second paragraph that he makes a somewhat defensible statement.  But his primary concern is not legalism nor procedure.  It’s relational legitimacy.  This is reinforced by his third “reason” for his veto:

“Finally, this bill represents a disturbing trend over the past few years of the incremental erosion of the principles surround traditional marriage…”

Marriage as “traditionally” defined is the legitimate relationship.  Domestic partnerships, which is used euphemistically for same-gender relationships, are illegitimate.  They have no relational legitimacy, they are not recognized by Rhode Island, and they are merely threats to the definition of state-sanctioned intimate, personal relations.  The proposed (and vetoed) bill is not the disturbing trend.  The bill is the lens through which we can better see the disturbing trend: discrimination against non-heterosexuals.  Or, to quote the apostle Paul:

“Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin” (Romans 3:20)

Governor Carcieri is not shown to be righteous by observing the law here; rather through the laws in place, we have become conscious of the interpersonal and structural sin of heterosexism.

“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.  The commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not covet,’ and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” (Romans 13: 8-10)

Huh?

Rhode Island’s Governor Donald L. Carcieri vetoed a bill giving domestic partners the right to claim the bodies of — and make funeral arrangements for — their partners.

The governor wrote the following in his veto message:

“This bill represents a disturbing trend over the past few years of the incremental erosion of the principles surrounding traditional marriage, which is not the preferred way to approach this issue.”

“If the General Assembly believes it would like to address the issue of domestic partnerships, it should place the issue on the ballot and let the people of the state of Rhode Island decide.”

This is just what the LGBT community needs … another excuse to put an important issue to the voters … and let hysteria rule yet again. Is this type of logic getting old or am I?

Read H2594: An Act Relating to Business & Professions — Funeral Director/Embalmer Funeral Service Establishments. [Pay particular attention to section 2].

Read: Carcieri Vetos Bill Allowing Partners to Plan Funerals. [Source: Providence Journal]

Note that even before Connecticut legalized civil union and same-sex marriage, the legislature passed a statute — that while NOT specific to lesbian and gay couples or domestic partners of opposite sexes — allowed a person to name another person who is not related by blood, to claim the deceased’s body and make funeral arrangements. Connecticut also allows same-sex couples to execute a host of other legal documents of protection.

Cudos to Connecticut lawmakers.

Two thumbs down to Rhode Island’s Governor Donald L. Carcieri.

Do you ever wonder what is behind the eyes of people you encounter? I sometimes (well, often) do. There is so much more behind my eyes than I ever let on. There’s nothing wrong with a little mystery, right?

I think the only person who surprises me with how much they actually have learned is behind my eyes is my sweet irreplaceable spouse. (The blue art below reminds me of how she is with me…)

Off to exhale a little bit before another unpredictable time consuming day at the new job.

Again, I ask the question:  What good is a blog without an active blogger?  But, in my defense, let me explain (otherwise known as making excuses).

First, my laptop developed a serious and completely fatal drinking problem.  It is astonishing how little wine it takes to COMPLETELY FRY the circuitry of a laptop.  Not that I am assigning blame, but wouldn’t you think that the keyboard tray of almost all laptops would at least repel liquid?  I mean, that laptop was dead less than 10 seconds after spilling 2 ounces of wine on it.

Second, my phone died.  It was more than 2 years old, true.  But, why does it have to pour when it rains?

Third, my immune system broke.  Didn’t help that I had out-of-town visitors who showed up at my door despite having some unknown illness.  Is it a bad cold?  Is it the flu?  Is it piggy flu?  Who knows, but it has been kicking my ass.  I’m pretty sure it isn’t a version of the flu, because I am way too hungry (unless that is why it is called the piggy flu, as in “pig out”).  Probably just a miserable cold.  Still.  I’m a big baby, so it probably means certain death.

But before I die, I just need to follow up on my Ref. 71 rants from days-gone-by.  Washington voters did the right thing and preserved the rights granted by the Legislature to registered domestic partners.  I owe them a HUGE thank you, at least the ones who voted to approve.  If you voted to reject, then I want to say, “Fuck you very much.”  You are a small-minded freak, and I know where you live.

How?

Look at this map prepared by the Washington Secretary of State.  See all of that yellow?  Do you know what it proves?  The smaller the population, the smaller the mind. 

Ok.  That’s an over-generalization.  Apparently you are also small-minded if you live in Tacoma (too many hazardous materials have fried your brains) or Vancouver (you have to be conservative as a desperate attempt NOT to be lumped into devilishly progressive Portland) or Spokane (where you really hate the gays thanks to MAJOR CLOSET CASE former Mayor Jim West, who had to live in the closet and seek gay sex on-line because you people really hate the gays and, therefore, they feel compelled to live in the closet and must seek human interaction covertly . . . and repeat . . . and repeat . . . and repeat . . .). 

So, thanks.  You made history, 53% to 47%.  And we, the gays, promise not to fuck up our domestic partnerships any more than straight people have fucked up marriage.

The House of Representatives has passed its version of the health care bill.  It’s absolutely wrong that this country tolerates its horrendous health care system (recessions, no coverage of pre-existing conditions, tens of millions without coverage, arbitrary pricing, etc.). Equitable, good and inexpensive health care is something the rest of the industrialized world can do; it’s time to get our act together.  The House bill is a first step: it still needs to pass the Senate, a conference committee and then the House and Senate again.

This bill isn’t perfect, but it does address one fundamental inequity LGBT couples are stuck with.  Reports the New York Times:

Supporters of gay rights have long been trying to change the tax treatment of health benefits provided by employers to the domestic partners of their employees…such benefits are now treated as taxable income for the employee [unlike for married heterosexual couples].

Under the bill, such benefits would be tax-free, just like health benefits provided to the family of an employee married to a person of the opposite sex.

Representative Jim McDermott, Democrat of Washington, who proposed the change, said it would “correct a longstanding injustice, end a blatant inequity in the tax code and help make health care coverage more affordable for more Americans.”

It’s a small step towards equal rights — and a small right married straights get — but an important one.

In Washington State referendum 71 passed yesterday. It was to preserve the new domestic partnerships law and it won with 52% of the votes. I think it is great at least something big was won during Tuesdays election. But I am also wondering why 48% of the people of Washington State are even against domestic partnership. With marriage they can use that marriage is between a man and a woman. But what excuse they use to vote against domestic partnership. Must be pure hate.

So if 53% of Maine is against equality for gays, many citing the bible that God says it’s an abomination for a man to lay with another man. Well in the same bible it says that eating shellfish is an abomination so maybe people should also stop ordering Maine lobster. Since the word of God is more important then the well-being of people, a downfall in the Maine economy is not that big a deal to Maine people.  I am not gonna eat Maine lobster for a while.

Governor Paterson from the State New York has called the senate back for a special session on November 10 and marriage equality is on the agenda. Paterson is a true ally of the gay community( a lot more than the other so-called ally in the white house). Now I hope that more than half of the 62 State Senators will vote in favor of marriage equality, but I have my severe doubts. Let’s try to stay positive though for all LGBT New Yorkers and hope for equality. It’s about time in this state.

from the ACLU

The American Civil Liberties Union today applauded a decision by the Wisconsin Supreme Court to dismiss a challenge to the state’s recently-enacted domestic partnership registry. The Court also rejected a request from board members of Wisconsin Family Action that the registry be declared unconstitutional and put indefinitely on hold. The ACLU represents five same-sex couples who asked to be allowed to participate in the case.

“The registry certainly doesn’t offer anywhere close to the protections that marriage would, but we’re grateful that the couples we represented can at least hang onto the limited legal protections it gives them, such as the ability to visit each other in the hospital,” said John Knight, a senior staff attorney with the ACLU LGBT Project.

read more

The bad news: Yesterday it appears that Maine voters repealed a state law that would have allowed gay couples to marry. Score one for Haters.

The good news: Ref. 71, Washington state’s domestic parternship law (affectionately termed “everything but marriage”) is narrowly victorious. Too tight for my liking though, where’s the lube when you need it…

(All info based on current voting returns, not final counts)

Last night some great people and I went to a Third Eye Blind concert. While listening to their extended greatest hits (every song) on the way back via the best invention since the internet, the iTrip iPod combination, I realized how I’d forgotten the most glorious three word pairing Jenkins has ever proclaimed musically:

“Young gay Republicans.”

It makes me smile. Yes they do exist. If that were on a t-shirt I would probably buy five.

There are a bunch of cool websites where you can find politically charged graphic t’s if you Google search the general keywords.

But there are more specific places you can find ways to show your political opinions, for example – lots of organizations have websites with gear for sale with the profits going to help their causes.

In Washington today there is a referendum, R-71, that is up to a vote. If passed it will protect privileges domestic partners, both gay and lesbian couples as well as elderly heterosexual couples, have that are normally extended only to married couples. These rights and protections include permissible domestic partner hospitalization visits, should one person become ill, and access to hospitalization care for children of domestic partners, should a biological parent not be present in an emergency. A video series on the ACLU’s website shows 7 reasons why R-71 should be passed to protect domestic partnerships. They have some nice shirts too.

If you live in Washington, please vote to pass R-71 today. The 6265* domestic partners, young, gay, republicans or democrats… will thank you for it. I’d be sporting a t-shirt at the polls too.

* http://www.secstate.wa.gov/corps/domesticpartnerships/

For years the right-wing has used a mantra something like “no special rights for gays” or “gay rights are special rights” to fight against and to legally deny any sort of protection or rights for LGBT people and couples.

In 2002, “President Bush announced that ‘gay rights are special rights,’ as his defense against criticism that came when he refused to enact various civil rights laws that would protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people from discrimination in their daily lives.”

March 5, 2009 in front of California State Building

The campaign for Prop 8 in California last year mostly used slogans of “marriage is one man plus one woman” and themes of “protecting” marriage and “protect the children” and so on.

However, by passing Prop 8 they unwittingly gave those exact “special rights” to a special class of approximately 18,000 couples who remain legally married, caught in time, in California in spite of Prop 8.

Yeah, sure that wasn’t their intent of Prop 8 but they didn’t include anything retroactive in their proposition language.

That’s exactly the “special rights” that these campaigns have been trying to fight against – to keep us from having any protection, from having any rights and responsibilities within our families, all in the name of “protecting children” and “protecting marriage.”

So then what’s my special locked-in-time-marriage status?  It’s special gay rights!

These anti-LGBT slogans and campaigns are slowly dying.  Even if, fingers crossed this doesn’t happen, Ref 71 in Washington is rejected and Question 1 in Maine is passed, the mantras of “protecting children from gays” and “keeping gay marriage out of school curriculum” and “saving traditional marriage” are being slowly dismantled because the anti-gay groups have no proof that marriages such as mine do any damage at all to the institution of marriage, to schools, and to children.

My special gay marriage protects my kid.  Before my special gay marriage was legal, domestic partnership protected my kid and me and my sweetie and helped define our family and give our family rights to each other that married people usually take for granted.

Approve Referendum 71 in Washington State!

Vote No on Question 1 in Maine!

Be kind.

Either the federal government STOPS allowing votes on constitutionally-guaranteed rights, or Queers will need to continue to publicly acknowledge those institutions and individuals who are hurting our families – each and every time.

Shame them publicly.

Let them know that despite the fact that they are ALLOWED TO bring emotional suffering to our families and steal our pensions at the ballot box, that doesn’t mean that they SHOULD do it. IT IS EVIL – IT IS WRONG.

What?…you don’t think this is

PERSONAL?

Ask these folks how PERSONAL it was to be denied rights;

ask their children.

Here is a list of individuals and groups in Washington State who have expressed online how they plan to hurt our families by REJECTING Referendum 71:

A simple GOOGLE search will lead to the original source

• Bob Struble – Bremerton
• Dave Keller – Vancouver
• Melissa Stoddard – Longview
• Leo Pisarchuk – Longview
• Elena Wilkins – Longview
• Jason Dotcher – Rainier
• Rob Lee – Grapeview
• Gordon Dewey
• Veritas Splendor
• Pam Dzama
• Joseph Backholm
• Bonnie Kaye ~ profile
• Levi Schmautz – Spokane ~ profile
• Washington Eagle Forum – Cindy Honcoop
• Pastor Ken Hutcherson, Antioch Bible Church
• Washington Values Alliance – Larry Stickney
• Faith and Freedom Network – Gary Randall
• Christian Coalition – Rick Forcier
• YWAM & US Renewal – Ron Boehme
• Family Policy Institute of Washington
• Eastern Washington Advisory Board to the FPIW
• Facts for Freedom – Jim Galbraith
• Washington Opposed to Pro-Homosexual Policies
• Pastor Gary and Annetta Small
• Concerned Citizens of Pierce County – Pat Burgess
• Council 1379 of the Knights of Columbus
• The Reagan Wing – Doug Parris
• Washington Republican Liberty Caucus
• The Constitution Party of Washington
• StateSenator Dan Swecker
• Senator Val Stevens
• Representative Matt Shea
• Representative Jim McCune
• Former State Rep. John Ahern
• Dr. Bruce Craswell
• Dr. Bryant Adams
• Stephen Pidgeon, Esquire, Decalogos International
• Pastor Rick Long, Atonement Free Lutheran Church
• Pastors Roy & Valerie Hartwell, Rivers of Glory Church
• Holy Rosary Parish - West Seattle

The only way I can imagine the federal government taking us seriously as U.S. citizens and taxpayers is civil disobedience; otherwise, we sink faster into the quicksand of victimhood with a “win” or “lose” mentality.

I’m not sure what the proper etiquette is when people keep asking if Brooke is pregnant yet. In all honestly we don’t know right now. Everyone says you should wait until you get through the first trimester to tell people in case you miscarry early. I feel weird about saying she isn’t pregnant if she is (whenever that is). Everyday people ask Brooke at work and it’s getting difficult for her. People don’t ask me as often, but I will still say regularly. One of the reasons I starting blogging was to get all this stress out of my system and another to inform people what we are up to without having to repeatedly tell people. What happens if our first insemination doesn’t get what we want? It will be more difficult to tell people who we aren’t pregnant yet. However, if it does work how to I not tell people when they ask?
We seem to be ready if it doesn’t work the first time, but I don’t know. I think it will be harder than we realize. I’m not sure why they have those stupid tests where you can test before your missed period. What they don’t tell you on the commercials is that the earlier you test the less accurate they are. We have spent the last year and then some taking the steps and doing all the footwork to be able to get pregnant and go through this process. Now we are in a period of waiting. Which nothing annoys me more. I am a person who takes action. Who needs to do something to get it done. Now we wait for the exact moment. We wait until the ovulation stick gives us that second line. We wait until we are able to take a pregnancy test. Then we wait those three minutes to inform us if our life is going to change indefinitely or not. What happens when that stick says pregnant? We have to wait longer to tell people. But people keep asking and its either more difficult to say no because we really aren’t or to lie when we are and say no.

Guam, America’s overseas territory that most people don’t know exists, is debating Bill 185, which would extend domestic partner benefits to same-sex couples. Naturally the Catholic Church, you know, the greatest force of evil in the world, feels the need to intrude their nose into this.

Sadly, it turns out that the major sponsor of this bill, BJ Cruz, who is openly gay, was himself molested at the age of thirteen by a priest. I really wish that surprised me more.

Even better is the stance of the Archdiocese who felt the need to put out a letter on the subject. Read it closely, especially the part where they talk in admiration about Islamic funamentalists executing people for being gay. Fun times!

The Catholic Church needs to shut the fuck up and stay out of politics! Good luck, everyone in Guam! Make it happen!

The more time goes by I am reminded of how it seems over time my life has become somewhat of a series of moments.

Moments that have defined and shaped my life over time. My frist defining moment was when I was 16. I found out my father died from  Alzheimer’s. It’s not something a 16-year-old is usually prepared for. I skipped school that day with my friend Travis and my Mom and Brother found me at home with him.

I remember the first time I looked in a mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I had discovered my life of drugs and everything else had turned me into something I wasn’t. It had taken away my life and changed me forever. I knew then I had to get sober it was just a matter of how and when.

The first time I looked over at Brooke and realized she was it for me, changed me forever. We were at the restaurant we worked at in the “window”. I looked over at her in the middle of a rush and saw that she was the one I was in love with and I was going to build a life with her.

All these moments have either been defined by a series of choices or by just life happening. I grew up faster than most my friends. I lived my life recklessly and brought myself back together. It has all brought me here in this moment where I’m waiting for life to make a decision on whether Brooke gets pregnant or not. For days we tested on this little plastic thing that she pees on to tell us if she was ovulating. Suddenly, that strip turns blue and everything could possibly change for the rest of our lives. The look on her face was priceless. She woke me at 3:30am before she went to work. Her eyes were lit up and it was no surprise that the damn line showed up.