God help me, curiosity often gets the better of me when there is much hype about something or the other. I heard about Adam Lambert on the AMAs being a sex god, and for lack of anything at all better to do on my lunch break, I meandered over to YouTube to check it out.

Is it just me, or could that whole segment (they might have already taken it down by the time you read this) have been a scene out of a Christopher Guest movie? It was absolutely so over-the-top ridiculous, to the point of hysterical comedy. I felt like I was watching Adam Lambert do a parody of himself. Think Rex Manning attempting to impersonate a post-meltdown MTV comeback Britney. Shoving his crotch in the faces (which looked strained and uncomfortable) of a stage full of confused, writhing sex-slaves who wait for him limply only to start flopping around spasmodically at his clumsy, overly pushy attention. And dressed like KD Lang wandered onto the set of Lost Boys.

The dancing really wasn’t confident; rather, it seemed forceful due to overcompensating for lack of rhythmic talent. I assume they did this in front of a giant flashing background to create a sense of shock and awe that distracts the audience from what’s going on in the foreground. The vocals should have been lip-synched, since so much breath seems to have been taken out of the man during moves he learned in (I assume) An Idiot’s Guide to Dominance. The mauling, er, kiss at the top of the set looked like he intended to punch the guy with his mouth. Etiquette, please. And the song itself was almost certainly written by music execs pandering to the illiterates of the dance generation. Or if it was written by him, it was with them whispering it into his ear.

Additionally–from someone who’s known her fair share of dominants–this man is clearly otherwise on the M end of the S&M, which I assume is why this is uncomfortable to watch for the trained eye. And I should know; we can smell our own.

In sum, can someone please call Madonna up to the stage to show this boy what he’s doing?

And, you know, for my money, Brett Michaels getting dropped like a sack of potatoes will forever be the hands-down best awards show clip out there. It doesn’t actually get any better than that.

• What About the Children?
• What About The Children? – PART 2
• A New Deadly Virus In America
• Connect the Dots, America….
• Governmental Psychological Warfare
• When Enough is ENOUGH!
• Referendum 71 = Violence Against Our Family

There are times when feelings, energy and reality clash. This is one of those times.
I have to admit my dominant energy feelings have a lot of flow. Really it sort of follows my menstrual cycle with a vengeance. The boy is well aware of this flow. He thinks it interesting though not easy. Other things that have to do with it are stress and other indicators that happen in life. I also think this feeling of flow can be recognised by most dominants and submissives. Most people would not be top crazy heavy handed dominant full time, nor would a submissive.

At present I am feeling dominant inside I want to do certain stuff with and to the boy. However I am not in a position to carry out my thoughts. So I am surfing other blogs. Both from dominant ladies and submissive males. Surfing for ideas, surfing out of boredom and surfing for recognition. Yet despite my dominant flow feeling, when I get home I am utterly tired. This is not surprising as at the same time I am an insanely busy at work – As mentioned in my previous post I have a business trip coming up. it is an important one and it takes a lot of time and effort to arrange all. Secondly we are remodeling part of the house, or have people do this. This too is taking a lot of energy, as I am the main contact point and thus in essence the project leader. Picking up on schedules that are starting drifting between subcontractors, making decisions on the fly. Where possible the boy is involved in these decisions- it is his house too and in that area we are equals.

So all energy I have left into D/s and BDSM I should be able to focus on the boy – Except that I am totally not! The boy is on a temporary heavy workschedule and hardly gets home before 11pm and is off to work before 8am. Just enough time to catch up and talk through things concerning our house project. Not even enough time to mention things like kink and play. Big bummer

Now this situation is temporary of course, only a few weeks, but it is annoying. Here I am with all these kinky energy and thoughts and all I can do is structure that energy and focus it towards the things that I need to do, instead of want to do. But I am feeling out of sync with my flow. But once all this is done we have the house wonderful and again time for each other. Just a few more weeks swimming against the tide.

Due to some major remodeling to be done at home and other commitments we have not been able to enjoy D/s since our shopping trip much. We have had quite a few relatives around to help us and as a result have not had the gear out so to speak. This is a bit disappointing but it is also a fact of life as understood by the both of us.
We know that this too shall pass.

One thing we know for a fact is that I have to go away on business next week for nigh on a week. I leave on Sunday afternoon and arrive back the next Saturday evening late. My boy will remain at home, yet controlled. We discussed quite some time ago that when this trip would happen he was going to be locked up in his CB. My property must remain secure and controlled. When we first discussed the subject -and truth be told the boy proposed it – the trip was months away and it in a way was easy to commit. Now the trip is close and though the boy has had training and has managed the length of time this is a little different. It is no longer training for the event. The event is nearly there.

The plan is; The CB will be locked in place on Sunday morning, this as he has social obligations that day. I will leave the house around midday. He will report issues on a daily basis. He can use SMS or email as both of us will be busy and making long days. On Saturday I will return home and check the device. I may let my toy out to play with on Sunday, then I may be too tired and may not. That I will not know until that Sunday.

Summary: Explains and gives examples of the extremely important concept of Safe, Sane, and Consensual to the BDSM/Kink community.

Many, if not the majority, of the members of the BDSM/Kink community follow the credo of “Safe, Sane, and Consensual.” This is an important concept because it is what distinguishes the lifestyle from what many people outside of the community consider activities that can border on the definition of abuse. It is a way that members of the community can make sure that they are engaging in behaviors that are acceptable to both partners and does not include negative consequences.

First and foremost is the concept of “Safe.” All activities engaged in need to be safe for both partners. For example, suspension bondage should not be attempted unless the participants know what they are doing. Any activity should not involve threat of serious bodily injury or even the possibility of death. Know your limits, know the level of knowledge that you have about certain activities and how to perform them, and have a safe word or gesture that you can use that will signal the end of a scene. If both partners do not feel safe during or about an activity, that activity should not be performed.

Sane is an important concept. What, to people outside of the community, may seem insane – such as locking a partner in a cage, engaging in water sports, flogging, and full-time dominance and submission – can be ok activities to engage in as long as partners deem them as sane activities. In this context, sane is a relative term and is defined by the partners themselves. For example, I met a guy who wanted me to beat the shit out of him because this is what he got off on. We wanted me to slap and punch him until he bled and basically physically abuse him in any way possible. Of course, I declined to participate in this fantasy because to me I found it neither safe nor sane. What was sane to him was crazy to me. Additionally, remember, what can seem as something hot in a fantasy does not always translate well into reality. Just because you fantasize about a scene does not necessarily mean it is a good idea to actually act it out.

Finally, consensual. Consent between partners is very important. Before I explain this concept, I want to point out a very important thing. If your partner is unable to give consent, for instance in the case of a minor, an intoxicated partner, or a partner with disability, then you should absolutely not proceed with the scene. In this example, the case of an intoxicated partner is probably the one that you will run into the most. Not only is BDSM/Kink unsafe while intoxicated, the person’s judgement is greatly impaired and thus makes the encounter non-consensual. If you wish to engage in an activity that your partner does not want to, then in no case should you engage in that activity. This, along with safety, occurs a lot in the realm of edge-play. Edge-play is engaging in activities that the BDSM/Kink community at large deems pushes the limits of what is safe, sane, and consensual. Such examples of edge-play include bloodletting, coercion, mind-fucking, breathplay, and extreme sensory deprivation. Consent must always exist before engaging in any of these types of activities.

Safe, sane, and consensual is a way for us all to enjoy the pleasure that BDSM/Kink brings us in a way that is adult in nature. It ensures that all parties involved are comfortable with what is going on, and with comfort comes greater enjoyment. This concept also communicates to our partners that we respect and care for them, which can increase closeness and intimacy between partners. Additionally, it acts as a great barometer for judging whether or not an activity is ok or not. Before engaging in any type of activity, run the mental checklist of, “Is this safe? Is this sane? Is this consensual?” If the answer is “no” to any of these questions, then never engage in the activity. With this credo comes a simple piece of mind that what you are engaging in is ok for both you and your partner. It also serves as sense of pride for the community because it demonstrates that we are not crazy, abusive, warped individuals engaging in questionable activities. Rather, it demonstrates that we are a group of sophisticated and caring individuals engaging in activities that explore the the dynamism and many interesting dimensions of human sexuality.

Greetings and welcome to this first post of my brand new and first authentic blog.  Let me note here, however, that its “first”  status reflects only its chronology and not its importance in my inner process.

My motivation for creating this blog grew out of a question from a Dominant whom i recently met through one of the online BDSM “dating” sites.  It was our first phone conversation and we were doing the requisite ‘Where are you coming from in D/s’ dance.  I’d said something which evidently impressed him — the exact topic is unimportant here — and he said, “I’ve never heard it expressed that way before.  Do you ever publish your thoughts about D/s in a blog?”

When i told him i didn’t, he asked “Why not?”  I answered that i didn’t know — which, as i was quickly to realize, was not altogether true.  Because his next remark,

“Well, someday soon you may have to”, immediately brought one of my main reasons for not doing so to mind — which is that there are a couple of writing projects which are at the top of my priority list of things to do with my life and publicly sharing my viewpoints on D/s  isn’t one of them.  At any rate, doing so directly, in this sort of expository form, isn’t.

My other main reason for not blogging these reflections unfolded over the next day or two, within the context that gives rise to most of my insights, thoughts and understandings about D/s.  That is, in the midst of interacting with a particular Dominant — which always seems like the least appropriate time to express such insights publicly, in a blog.

And yet, i realized, such thoughts do bounce around my head rather intensely, at times, and it might not hurt to get them out and into the cosmos.  So it occured to me, why not put them out into the world during those times when there is no specific Dominant inspiring them?