Twice the age of his opponents, in a season where we saw this consummate entertainer struggle with some dance routines and then grow week after week, Donny Osmond won Dancing with the Stars.

Donny Osmond on Dancing with the Stars (ABC/ADAM LARKEY)

This teen throb from the seventies who has reinvented himself decade after decade proves once again that  being in your early 50’s does not mean it is over in winning dance competitions or in show business.

Kelly Osbourne is also to be commended for her efforts as she placed 3rd, clearly a crowd and audience favorite and singer Mya,  placed 1st runner up.

Congratulations, Donny!

Author: Daniel Asamota
Source: articlesbase.com

I saw an interview the other day with Donnie and Marie and Donnie was a little irritated when was asked his opinion about Michael Jackson. You could tell he didn’t want to get into it and expressed as much by replying that the king of pop had “a terrible life and a worse death,” I guess because of all the media scrutiny surrounding his death. This is all true I’m sure to a certain exten, but there has always been a little trace of envy Donny Osmond had towards Michael Jackson and the Jacksons for at one time in the 70’s he and Mike were equally famous, but as time wore on Mike’s star continued to rise and Donny’s star all but fades away. Now in the 70’s the Osmonds were considered the white version of the Jackson 5 almost matching them tit for tat. Both were big families full of talented youngsters, both started their singing careers early(the Osmonds with more visibility showing up on the Mickey Mouse Club) and both had younger siblings as lead singers of the family group (Jermaine and Michael for the Jacksons, Jimmy and Donny, “Michael Jackson“, for the Osmonds). Both groups had a string of hits during the 70’s and both graced every teen magazine in the world practically! Hell, I even had a couple of Donny Osmond records in my collection as well as Michael Jackson so that shows how popular both were. Donny Osmond and Michael Jackson were two of the most recognizable teen stars in the world and both seemed poised for mega-stardom. So the big question is; what the hell happened with Donny? Well two things; t.v. and the 80’s. First of all The Jacksons and Donnie and Marie (Donny’s kid sister) had t.v. shows in the mid 70’s or so. They were variety shows that were popular in the 70’s but were often frequented by show-biz personalities who were in the twilight of their careers and for newer stars they were make or break (generally break) opportunities. Well Michael hated the show he had to do and opted out when their contract was up, but Donnie who didn’t care to do the show either but had a longer obligation than the Jacksons did (four seasons I believe) had to continue on. Well the one season the Jacksons were on didn’t hurt their recording career that much and they went on to make several more platinum selling albums. The long period that Donny was on the aire though did hurt his recording career for the over-exposure he got from the show made the public get bored with him and to regard him more as a clown rather than a serious recording artist (and he was for he was versed in playing multiple instruments and an accomplished songwriter too). The songs he sang didn’t help either for most of them were old hits from the 50’s with the exception of their best song to date, ‘One Bad Apple’ and I’m not sure he sang that one (I think his brother Merrill sang lead on that). The other reason was the 80’s hit. Now in the 80’s it wasn’t cool for whites to sing R&B type music for the rock musicians had been working for a while to create this hate Disco movement because it’s popularity displaced them in the market and hurt their record sales. Now Donny Osmond was basically an R&B/pop singer in style and he was the wrong color at that time so he was sunk before he got good out of the port. In the meantime, Michael Jackson had just put together a little record called ‘Thriller’ and was making music history with a tour to boot called ‘Victory’ from the Jacksons album of the same name. For Donny though acts like him were out and Motley Crue was in as acceptable ‘white’ entertainment. Hey I didn’t write the book, I just read it like it says. Well eitherway near the end of the 80’s a dude named Maurice Starr the producer of New EditionÂjumpstarted the boyband movement with acts like New Kids on the Block and Fine Young Gentlemen thus the Donny Osmond’s of the world were back in vogue. But by this time Donny was married with a couple of kids and years of hardened experience under his belt from trying to navigate the Hollywood scene, so not really the teen heartthrob material of the day though, “Michael Jackson“, he did drag a couple of hits out of this time, ‘Soldier of Love’ and ‘Sacred Emotion’. It’s unfortunate that the cards played against him this way for Donny Osmond is a really talented entertainer and we all expected that he would be as big a star perhaps bigger than Michael Jackson. For I don’t know what those record companies out there be thinking but when Michael Jackson releasedÂ’Off the Wall’ his first big selling solo record, we were waiting to see what Donny would do next. I think he released an album with his sister at that time and that’s not what we were looking for. Now I got the title of my story from an interview I saw of Donny’s years ago where he expressed some envy at Michael Jackson’sÂsuccess and disappointment at his own failures. Well DonnyÂafter seeing you in the interview the other day I sensed some of that envy still and I couldn’t understand it. Yes Michael had all of this major success with his recording career but look at all the trouble he had also. False accusations of the most terrible kind, extortion attempts and successes, lawsuits flying every which way possible, enough trouble to drive a man early to his grave; and it did just that for him. Now three kids are left without their father surrounded by opportunists and sychophants(with the exception of their family members of course) looking to bleed them of their inheritance. In all likely-hood Donny will be around to see his kids grow up, get married, and see some grandkids at some point. So Donny mega-stardom may not have been in the cards for you, but you got dealt the best hand.

Daniel Asamota is an African American author purportedly of West Indian descent whose book \’Mound Bayou\’ has set the literary world ablaze. Now check out Daniel Asamota’s new novella ‘Cricket Man’ at www.cricketman.net. Also check out his website www.Dasamota.com or his e-mail at dasamota@yahoo.com.

So it’s time.  The baby will be here in about a month and we need to buckle down and focus on a perfect name for the little stick-o-butta.

While everyone wants to know what she’ll be called and has been asking for months, we have decided to see what she looks like before we give her a name.  We have a list – a top 5,  if you will – and even a top 10, but who knows if any of them will be the right one once we see/meet her…we can only hope.

Of course, we were pretty much settled on a boy’s name and simply knew that it was a boy so we were all set – we did have a few alternates in case he didn’t look/feel like a “Charlie” but we were pretty set – and that was a nice feeling.

I didn’t think Charlie was a terribly popular or trendy name when I thought it was a name I could see giving a possible future son that a few years back, but as seems to hold true in the universe, once you start saying something, seeing something or believing something, the rest of the world jumps on that same bandwagon. 

Now this may be fine for those who like and find comfort in trends and like/same-ness but that’s just not me – if it’s trendy or popular or ‘in’ you can pretty much count on me not wanting it.  For example, no one was naming their kid Henry when I decided it was my favorite name about 10 years ago … until I said it aloud.  I told someone that I loved that name and would someday name my kid that and then bam – it was everywhere.  I mean, until then, I had only known one Henry in my entire life.  Only one.  Then one of my best friend’s dads had a baby and he and his wife named him Henry.  So cute.  Little Henry Hoffman.  Okay, I thought – they live in California and don’t exactly travel in the same circles and I think it’s a family name so – I gave them a mulligan.  Then it seemed that everywhere I turned, someone had a Henry.  There were Hollywood Henrys and New Hampshire Henrys.  I heard it called on the playground, in the grocery store … everywhere. And I was pissed.  But did I have a right to be so?  No. Of course not.  It wasn’t even a family name for me.  Did that give me even less of a right to stake a claim on this fabulous name?  Probably.  Especially since I had to admit to ‘laying claim’ to names that others used that were my family names.  Like Parker and Hunter.  But these too have become trendy.  Too bad.  I used to have a little fantasy that I would have twin boys named Parker and Hunter and when people asked where they got their unusual names, I would say, “family.”  And that would be that.  It would shut them up and I would smugly walk away.   This was when I was in junior high and still wanted kids – when I got a little older, I was going to be a career woman and would have no time for the little beasts so the favorite baby names we relegated to possible dog names.

So Henry was out.  I still love the name but dislike that it’s become so common and an ‘it’ name.  And as I have said, I am a counter-’it’ person.  I want classic and classy with a twist – not different for the sake of being different – unique but not made up.  And no crazy spellings of classic names – that’s just asking for trouble.

So one needs to be flexible. Of course, I realize I’m not the only one who this happens to.  Others seem to take it okay.  Maybe I’m overreacting.  Maybe it’s like art or thoughts or music – there are no original ideas as they say – someone has always thought of it or done it or made it before you.  Get over it.

I mean I don’t want the kid to have a name that no one has ever heard of before or that will always have to be pronounced or spelled out for everyone – what a nightmare.  My poor brother, Keir has had to deal with this his entire life and while I think he likes his name, this guy has had to endure some serious strife because of it. 

Because kids love to rhyme words and names, he was hit with ‘Keir the queer’ his entire childhood – poor thing.  Then there’s spelling – kier, keer, kir – like kir royal?  And then there were those called him Peter .. Peter?  Where’d they get that?  I guess when you say Keir quickly or not enunciated enough, you hear Peter – yeah, okay – Peter – I think the kid just answered to whatever.  But it’s a great name.  And he is Keir.  Maybe not the only one in the universe, but one of the few and the best one as far as I’m concerned.

Once we found out it was a girl, Charlie and Henry went right out the window (though there is a small posse of friends and some part of me that would love to call my girl Charlie/Charley) so that should make it easier, right?  Not really.

When you have your first serious talk with your partner about a name, all this other stuff comes into play –what about a family name?  From whose family?  Should it be mine, because the kid is getting your last name?  Does it matter that we are in a different country and she’ll be born here?  Should we name her something having to do with the country or culture she’ll be born into?  And they pronounce things slightly differently here – so do we take that into account? (i.e. Elle would be pronounced Ella here, etc…)

So you make your first list – broad strokes.  You get to veto each other’s names that you would not consider. Me – I love Louisa (The Sound of Music, of course) the sound of it, the way it looks on paper… I can picture a little girl named Louisa running through a field with her hair in a bow, wearing a dress made out of curtains … well, you get the picture.  It’s one of my favorites.  Nope – he won’t even consider it – he vaguely knew someone who had a kid named Louisa and the kid was a pain in the ass, or weird or something… that’s all it takes, folks.  One bad memory.  Or sometimes not even that.  Sometimes you just don’t like a name for no apparent reason.  He feels that way about Charlotte, another name I like. No reason, just don’t like it.  Okay.  No Charlotte either- (but honey, we could name her Charlotte and call her Charlie!  Nope. Not happening…) veto, veto, ve-to.  (This whole compromise thing in marriage gets really old sometimes, doesn’t it? …)

And he likes lots of names that I must admit are really cute/sweet but that are really trendy.  He balked at my reasoning at first then I showed him the social security site for top names in the US and they were all there.   And though I really do like almost all of these, I just can’t do it.  Maybe my kid won’t be like I was and will find comfort knowing that there are 12 other Ellas or Sophies or Emmas in their class but I just can’t do it. (There was nothing I hated more than not being the only Kristen in class and having to be Kristen V…. hated it!)

But what if said trendy name is really an old, recycled name (meaning used to be out and old but now is hip and cool because it is old. ..) and you have a family member with that name – is that okay?  Will you always be saying, “Oh, I know that there are 12 Graces in her class, but she was named after her grandmother…” Another conundrum.

And what about the fact that the family names I like are not the family members I really want to pay tribute to?  My grandmother, Mary Thelma (Worthylake) Hayward was v. special to me and she would be the one to whom I would pay tribute by naming a child after her. But while I like Mary, I’m not in love with the name and definitely don’t care for Thelma.  I was set on giving the child the middle name of Worthylake whether it was a boy or girl and thought that would be lovely – and I love the name (I have used it as the name of my film production company and use it for a few email addresses too)  I thought my husband was on board too, but he now seems to think that any name plus Worthylake Harbaugh will be too much/too long and I guess I’ve let him convince me of such.  

I don’t have a middle name.  My parents thought that Kristen Vermilyea was long enough.  Good idea in theory I guess, but it kind of backfired as I just gave myself middle names according to my latest whim or more accurately, latest obsession.  I was Kristen Marie when Donny and Marie Osmond were popular had their Friday night variety show (I also felt close to them because my Aunt Lynne went to BYU the same time they did and she once took a photo of them on campus – from far away, but still – and I somehow felt like we were connected – like I knew them – related even.  I took the photo to school and told everyone that my aunt was friends with Donny and Marie and that maybe they’d come to NH for a visit.   I also had my mom buy me purple socks because Donny wore purple socks and though I wanted to be Marie, I wanted to date – yes, I was young – 7- but a crush is a crush – Donny .)  I was Kristen Olivia for a good long while when I wanted to be Olivia Newton-John.  I mean, who didn’t?  She was beautiful and had that fantastic accent and she could sing and act. Wow. I’m sure there were more fleeting middle names in between, but the ones that finally stuck were Brooke and Ashley.  I think they likely showed up in junior high.  In my memory, my parents were sick of me changing names constantly and one liked Brooke and the other Ashley and that became it.  Looking back, I think the more likely explanation was that I liked these 2 names and instead of choosing just one, thought it would be fancier if I had 2 of them.  It’s also likely that there was someone on tv or in a movie that had 2 middle names and I likely thought that was pretty cool. 

This stuck for a while.  Kristen Brooke Ashley Vermilyea.  KBAV.  A few people even started calling me ‘bad ass’ – Kristen Bad Ass Vermilyea – in high school I remember – which was exceeding funny as I was the least bad ass person anyone knew in high school.  I found out at my 20^th reunion that most people thought I was a narc.  That’s how uncool I was… Recently I found a decorative piece of slate that my mom had painted for me when she was in her ‘crafty’ stage.  It has a teddy bear in the center and my ‘name’ on all 4 sides.  Kristen Brooke Ashley Vermilyea.  How sweet that my mom wanted to make this for me but also, how mortifying.  What do I say when my kid maybe someday sees this and asks who that is?  How embarrassing… I think I may have hyphenated them at some point as well.  Nice.

I guess I’m realizing that no matter what we name the baby, there will always be another girl/woman with the same name and that is okay.  There will always be someone who says, “Oh, like Brangelina’s baby” or some other Hollywood star or musician or architect or astronaut.  And it will be my choice to answer either, “Yes, just like that…”, or “No, not like that.”  (Guess which I’ll be more likely to say? …)  I realize that many people need context and a touchstone.  Many people always seem to need to put you in your place and give you their opinion.  Others are kind and keep their damn mouths shut and mind their own business.  That’s what I call good manners.

A few of my best friends have offered up their names to the baby which is a fab gesture but sadly, one that won’t be accepted.  At our baby shower this summer, one of said friends sat listening to the conversation that had begun about names.  (The small group of close family and friends that was gathered was dying for a hint of what we were thinking of and though we had said we were not going to, I couldn’t not share a little … )  So after listening, she offered that Margot with a ‘t’ is silly because it’s silent and will bring nothing but grief. “Mar-got?  Mar-got?  Don’t name your kid that – that’s stupid.”  And when the name Elinor was brought up, she said, “Elinor?  That’s an old lady name!  Why not just call her grandma – this is our new baby, grandma – doesn’t she look good for her age?”  And it went on.  Everyone at the table was in hysterics as she held court.  She was honest and tough, but fair.  Finally, after many more names and reasons not to give them to our baby, she offered this (in her precious Massachusetts accent which was slightly increased after a few glasses of wine) “As your best friend and the one who made you Godmother to her kids, I will say that I think Maureen Anne Ryan Harbaugh is a wicked good an awesome name for a baby.  It’s served me well …”  And so it has, my friend, so it has.  Our baby would be lucky to have such a strong, sassy, fitting name as yours.

 PS don’t you steal any of my names.  I may just have another baby.  Or get a dog.  I’ll find out … you know I will …

Donny and Marie do Star Wars… you heard me…

(via List of the Day)

It’s that time again. I have to do a bit o’ spleen venting.

1. Power tools. Power tools are exceedingly annoying. They are loud, they are whiny, they basically piss me off. Now, if you absolutely HAVE to use them, DO NOT start before 10 AM on a holiday weekend. This truly bad form. And if you HAVE to use them before 10 AM on a holiday weekend, STOP using them before 5 PM. Really. I would come after you, but since you own a power tool and apparently aren’t afraid to use it…
2. Skateboards, or more specifically, people who ride skateboards. On the street. During rush hour. Doing tricks. (I wish I were making that up.) And then? Get pissed at the cargo van driver who almost hits the kid as he’s doing a trick in the street during rush hour. God help me, but for an instant I started to become a fan of the Darwin awards.
3. USC fans. All of them. No exceptions.
4. School speed zone flashing signs on streets with no schools and no kids in sight. While I (generally) feel no compunction to run over small children on their way to an underfunded education, I do take issue with slowing to 20 MPH on a city surface street for the sole reason that if I don’t, some little rat-bastard with a camera will probably take my picture and send it to the PTA who will send me a nasty warning about my “irresponsible driving,” which if unheeded, will result in a fine of $500 or death. I have places to go, people. At least put out an ankle biter-sized mannequin in the middle of the Jesus lane. It would make the whole thing that much more palatable.
5. And, speaking of ankle-biters, pubs should NOT have play areas. This is wrong on many, many levels. First of all, if you want to have a beer and a burger with friends where the kids can run amok, may I suggest a stop at Safeway and Burgerville, respectively? Then you can go home, call a friend, and let the little buggers have at it in the comfort of your home. Just because you have become desensitized to the constant din of your progeny doesn’t mean the rest of the world has as well. Secondly, when your child screams and runs around, it is NOT cute, charming, funny, or to be billed as a complimentary floor show. It’s just rude. And to the restaurant owner that decided this was a good idea: I think I may have to smack you. Seriously. Smack. Hard.
6. Not to be a stereotypical pain in the pretentious ass, but seriously: the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, High School Musical, Twilight, and basically any pre-packaged-complete-with-merchandise pop and television star aimed at “tweens” with no credit cards and the gullible parents who continue to support this crap. (In the interest of full disclosure: I was into Donny and Marie and the Bay City Rollers as a kid, but in my defense, I never had “Little Bit Country” sheets, and I think Marie would have totally kicked Miley’s ass.)
7. Teacher friends who whine about going back to work. Just don’t go there. Ever.

That’s it for now. More coming soon, I’m sure.

Lately I’ve been going to Classmates.com to get to some pretty good music. The music is one of the benefits that come with a free account. I’m sure there’s an easier way to get to music but what the heck, it’s still easier than trying to get the needle to the beginning of a song on an album.

Classmates can be quite the spammer but I never toss them in the spam bin because they’re a VERY intriguing spammer, aren’t they? I’ll open spam if there’s a possibility that I might find out whether or not my high school nemesis ever did develop the leprosy I wished upon her in 1974. So, this morning I opened it again.

Today the reunion website offered the option of making a short song list. Who doesn’t need one more song list? So, I went for it.

Now, there were 2 things of which I was unaware when I decided to take the time to choose 10 songs from a long list and use them to create my short list. First of all, I didn’t know that my list would become a part of my Classmates profile.

You know, Donny and Marie had a song on that long list. What if I had chosen THAT? The song was Deep Purple so I didn’t have to think twice about passing on it. But…what if they had listed ‘I’m Leaving it All Up to You’? I might have chosen that song and without knowing, I would have made a Classmates.com nerd out of myself. Now that I know how to act cool, I’m really trying hard to avoid reacquiring my nerd status of high school. A Donny and Marie song on my playlist could be as devastating as were the purple hot pants I wore on the first day of high school. I couldn’t live that one down in 4 years. Who knows how long I’d have to spend re-cooling myself after placing a Donny and Marie song on my playlist? Penny Sehr got hit in the head for carrying a Donny Osmond folder to class in 1972. I sure as hell don’t want to see what happens when you publicly support Donny AND Marie.

The other little factoid that eluded me as I was carefully choosing songs like Bohemian Rhapsody (WHEW!), was the fact that, while I could create as many song lists as my little heart desired…for free…I can’t seem to listen to them without paying something. I’m not sure about that, but it wasn’t easy to do and I usually stop trying after simplicity fails.

Anyway, playlists with 10 songs on them get old so I’ll stick with the HUGE list of three thousand five hundred and eighty four songs that I can get easily and for free. There’s one down side…it’s nice to hear a song you had totally forgotten about after 30 years, but when you hear it every 26 hours or so…no matter how good the song is…it starts to get on your nerves. Frankie Valli was fine in the 70’s and he’s nice to hear once every few months, but there’s a reason I don’t have any of his albums. I don’t want to hear ‘Breaking up is Hard to Do’ more than twice a decade.

And who gave Debbie Boone the best song prize in ‘77 for ‘You Light up My Life’? I didn’t get it then and it’s even more vexing today. She couldn’t sing a lick.

Oh well, I was pretty into ‘Spiders and Snakes’ so what do I know?

If there are two people in this whole world that I can’t stand, it’s Donny and Marie Osmond.  I hate them so much that it pains me to write this blog about them, because it might be considered free publicity.

I hate them because they are insipid, pathetic, useless pieces of rubbish who have nothing whatsoever of value to offer to society.  They’re like my parents’ generation’s Heidi and Spencer.  Their main claim to fame these days is taking part in crappy celebrity reality shows, and then going on entertainment news shows and crying about their lives.  Your son is on drugs?  WHY ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT THIS ON TELEVISION?  That isn’t our business!   That’s your SON, for God’s sake!  Shut up!  Keep your business (and his) to yourself!  Why does the world need to see you blatting on about it for hours?!

If the Good Lord came down from the heavens and offered me two free face punches, if the Lord God himself came down and said, “Carly, I hereby bestow upon thee the opportunity to punch two people in this world directly in the face, without consequence or judgment,” I would immediately respond, “Donny and Marie Osmond, please.”  And I suspect that God would nod His head sagely and say “Yep, good choice kiddo.”

I have had this inexplicable ire regarding Donny and Marie Osmond for as long as I can remember.   I would see their stupid faces on the covers of tabloid magazines when my Mom and I would go to the grocery store, and I would be filled with a helpless disgust.  I just really find them revolting people, and I cannot help myself.  No matter how many times I remind myself that Paris Hilton, Heidi and Spencer, or any of the other useless idiot celebrities these days are far worse than Donny and Marie Idiotface, I still cannot find it in my heart to despise anyone more than I do Donny and Marie.

Who do YOU irrationally despise?

Isn’t she just curling her hair or something? Anyway, it’s Erin Andrews, not Aaron, though a lot of people apparently can’t get that right.

Erin Andrews in a Tight Orange Shirt

Watch out for viruses. The weird and strangely enduring popularity of this particular search meme means lots of nasty folks are using it to try and spread viruses and trojans, so be careful out there.

In other news, Marie Osmond remember Michael Jackson. This is news? I remember Michael Jackson, too, ya know.

We just got back from a very fun 3 days in Las Vegas, Nevada!  Ok, I know it’s known as “sin city” but to be honest, we are not very “sinful” when we go there.  And just to prove “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” is wrong — I’m here to actually TELL what all we did!    First off, I am a bargain hunter of the biggest kind.  I am always on the lookout for a deal, whether it be grocery shopping or travel plans.  If I find a deal, I silently scream with joy!  Our entire trip to Vegas turned out to be “a deal”.  With direct flights for only $59 each way (I love Allegiant Air!) the airfare was indeed “a deal”.  In our depressed economy, Las Vegas is hurting and if you are at all interested in going, NOW is the time.  Our beautiful hotel room (king, non-smoking) on the 24th floor was just $60 a night.  Plus, we got a $50 resort credit.  That means we ate dinner, a midnight snack, and breakfast buffet for FREE.  Oh, and a free bottle of wine with dinner came in the coupon book we got upon arriving.  The first night we had a ball, playing the penny slots, and even hit a few “big” jackpots.  Yeah, allright, to us, a “big” jackpot is $30 or so.  It was loads of fun.  The next morning we used our 2 for 1 breakfast buffet coupon, and enjoyed a very tasty and filling meal.  (I love 2 for 1 coupons!!)   After breakfast, we hopped into our rental car and headed down the strip.  We wanted to get to the HALF PRICE ticket booth and snag some cheap show tickets!  Since we have been to Las Vegas a few times in the past, we’ve seen all of the Cirque du Soliel shows (they are all fantastic, with MYSTERE being our personal favorite).  We’ve seen Phantom of the Opera, Jersey Boys, Mamma Mia, La Reve, and who knows what else.  So this trip we had no idea what to see.  The only Cirque du Soliel production we had not seen was Criss Angel “Believe” and after reading the reviews tripadvisor.com, we decided to give it a miss.  So, what was left?? After checking out more reviews on tripadvisor, I decided to go for….. 

Yes, Donny and Marie!  Dear Hubby was not impressed with my decision, but I assured him that from what I had read, everyone really enjoys their show.  I will admit it, he was skeptical!  I think the fact that we got tickets for half-price was helpful in getting him to The Flamingo for the show.   May I mention right now that driving in Las Vegas at the moment is a total mess!!!!  Flamingo Road, Tropicana Ave, and the I-15 are all torn up and getting from here to there is truly no fun.  But we arrived in plenty of time, navigated the Flamingo’s parking garage, and settled in for the show.  It was fabulous! These folks are show-biz savvy and put on a fantastic show.  Lots of singing, dancing, costume changes, and a great band.  We both left there totally impressed.

Our hotel also has a 16 screen theater, and prior to leaving for the Donny and Marie show, we got our $3 matinee movie in, with a coupon for FREE popcorn!  We saw Angels and Demons starring Tom Hanks — thoroughly enjoyed that as well!   We soooo enjoy staying at the South Point Hotel Casino.  It’s south of “the strip” and  therefore less populated, easier to get to and from, only 3 years old, and shoot, they offer some fantastic deals!

On our last day in Las Vegas, we decided to check out the new “M Casino Hotel not far from the South Point.  I’d read, again on Tripadvisor, that it was a brand new place and should be visited.  We drove the 5 minutes or so from the South Point, to the M – just in time for lunch.  We decided to try out their buffet.  I was soooo impressed with the entire place!  Nice, clean, new, marble floors, etc etc.  We liked it so much that next time, we might actually stay there!!  The buffet was the best I have personally ever had in Las Vegas… the food actually tasted like I’d cooked it myself!  The desserts were also so delightful, and while we didn’t partake at lunch time, they offer free beer and wine with your buffet as well — unheard of in Vegas!  By the time we’d tried out a few of their penny slots, and won a bit I might add, we headed for the airport.  Time to come back to reality.  Three days in Vegas is plenty — I was ready for the peace and calm of home.  But shoot, it was fun while it lasted.  And the deals in Vegas are endless if you just look!!

I stumbled along this interesting fun post on the Las Vegas Sun Website and thought it it would be fun to list it here

25 Random Things about Donny Osmond

Beginning with five things about Donny from Marie herself:

1. “Donny dances on the tabletops at the Flamingo. Hold on to your beverage.”

2. “Donny licks the salt off of pretzels before he eats them.”

3. “One of Donny’s favorite movies is ‘Waiting for Guffman.’ ”

4. “For Donny, a day without some state-of-the-art techie gadget is like a day without sunshine.”

5. “Of all the performers I’ve shared a stage with in my career, Donny has proved to be the most all-around gifted entertainer.”

6. One of Donny’s pet peeves is when people spell his name “Donnie.” So as a joke the backstage crew at the Flamingo spelled it that way on the gold star on his dressing room door.

7. Donny and his wife, Debra, have five sons, Donald, Jeremy, Brandon, Christopher and Joshua, and a grandson, Dylan, and granddaughter, Emery.

8. Donny has lost two inches off his waistline since the show opened in October. He says gets his cardio and leg workout on stage, but does a full workout at a nearby Las Vegas gym.

9. Whenever hometown friends visit Donny in Vegas, he takes them to the Bellagio bridge — for the best view of the gigantic Donny & Marie mural on the front of the Flamingo: Donny’s eyes alone are 6 feet high and 10 feet wide. “At home, I’m uncle Donny to all the kids and teenagers. But when they come here, I have to show them that — I’m a little more than Uncle Donny right now,” he laughs.

10. He commutes from Provo, Utah, after his days off, and stays in a suite upstairs at the Flamingo during the week. “I joke in the show about being behind Marie’s teeth, but I’m up a little higher than that. I’m in Marie’s hair.”

11. Indian actor Sanjeev Bhaskar recently gave his blessing for his wife to leave him for another man: Donny Osmond. “She planned to marry Donny when she was 12 and told everyone she was going to convert to Mormonism,” Bhaskar said. “She was so excited when he came on ‘The Kumars at No. 42’ as a guest. I told her ‘if you want to go off with him, it’s not a problem.’ ”

12. Donny was peeved when his nephew David was booted off “American Idol” last week, but mostly because the American public wasn’t told that David had laryngitis. The two recently shot a mini-concert for “Entertainment Tonight” on the Flamingo stage.

13. A typical Donny day: Drives his son to the airport at 6 a.m. after four hours of sleep, calls his business manager, sleeps for about an hour, records the voice of a farmer for a Disney cartoon series, works out, does interview with the Las Vegas Sun, does show with Marie.

14. Donny has been a cartoon character at least twice before, in Rankin-Bass’ Saturday morning series “The Osmonds” (1972) and as a recurring character in Hanna-Barbera’s “Johnny Bravo” (1997).

15. He has starred on Broadway three times, as the title characters in “Little Johnny Jones” and “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,” and as the villain Gaston in “Beauty and the Beast.”

16. In the early 2000s, Donny briefly considered teaming up for a show with fellow former teen idol David Cassidy, his rival for the cover of Tiger Beat magazine in the early ’70s. “We had one meeting, and it was like, OK, I don’t want to go there.”

17. Donny admits to being “a total nerd,” specifically, a Mac geek: He designed the secret backstage video control room at the Flamingo, as well as the audio and computer systems that run the show. He also put together all the video montages seen in the show, assembling long-lost videos and still photos in his basement. “It’s my little world in here.”

18. Donny bursts into full-on song mid-conversation, launching into “Remember When,” “It’s Your Thing” and the Osmond Brothers’ 1972 rock hit “Crazy Horses” within the span of a half-hour chat.

19. He confides that “Crazy Horses” is soon going to replace “It’s Your Thing” in the Donny & Marie act. “That whole song (“Horses”) is about ecology. Nobody knew at the time what it was about. Garage bands in England are still covering that song.”

20. Donny has a whole terabyte of songs stored on his iTunes, and he’s been transferring old vinyl albums to files using a USB turntable. His cassette collection is next.

21. Donny is engineering a new Donny & Marie album, which will be ready for release in May, followed by a solo Donny album in October. “I don’t think I can have a No. 1 record again, that’s not a goal of mine. But I think Donny & Marie can still sell a lot of records.”

22. Donny and Marie stopped singing together in the early ’80s to reestablish careers as individual artists. “We always knew that we’d come back together again, and when I saw this room at the Flamingo, with the booths, I called Marie and said, ‘This is it. This is the old Las Vegas that we grew up in.’ ”

23. Donny found it tough adjusting to working as a duo again. “I had to come to the conclusion that I’m not the dictator anymore. I can’t say ‘OK, Marie, you’re gonna do this and you’re gonna do that.’ I’m dealing with somebody who is in control of her own career now. That’s why we brought (director/choreographer) Barry Lather in as the mediator — or arbitrator,” he laughs. We both came up with ideas for the show, gave them to him, and he figured it all out for us. Because it would have been a disaster if he wasn’t there.”

24. Their dressing rooms are next door to each other, but Donny doesn’t see much of his sister until showtime. “Last week I went over to her house in Green Valley and hung out for a little while. It’s beautiful. But when I have time off, and I’m not doing anything, I’d rather go home and see my wife and kids.”

25. Donny says he and Marie are both grateful for their Vegas winning streak — the Flamingo show has been extended through 2010. “We’ve both been in situations when we wonder ‘Are we going to sell any seats?’ And so when we have a success like this …”

25 Random Things about Marie Osmond

The first six things about Marie come straight from Donny:

1. “Marie knows that if she ever sticks her thumb in my back, I’ll go crazy. She did it once on the Donny & Marie talk show: I asked someone a stupid question and she put her thumb in my back. See, when I was a little kid onstage, if I sang a sour note my brother Merrill or Alan would just poke me with a thumb, and it took me right back to those bad times. I threw it to commercial, we walked offstage, and we proceeded to rip each other’s head off. You could hear a pin drop in that audience — they heard everything. Dick Clark had to come backstage and said, ‘Now children,’ and that stopped it right there.”

2. “Every interview we do, Marie has to change the lighting.”

3. “She laughs all of the time.”

4. “Marie came up with the purple socks tradition I had in the ’70s.”

5. “She co-founded the Children’s Miracle Network.”

6. “Don’t ever expect Marie to be on time.”

7. There are three hotel rooms behind Marie’s teeth in the Donny & Marie mural wrapping the Flamingo; if we saw the rest of her in the mural, Marie would be 900 feet tall.

8. A single mom, Marie is 49 and has eight children from her two marriages. Her daughter Rachael, 19, helps manage her mom’s wardrobe and quick-changes during the Flamingo show.

9. Marie agreed to the Flamingo gig on the condition that she got the larger dressing room, which is sometimes packed with 15 or 20 people, kids and dogs, playing with Wiis and toy light sabers. “Hey, I have more children, and I live here. I need the space,” she says, defending her real estate grab. “But George Wallace’s is bigger than mine,” she says, and bursts into peals of loud laughter.

10. The only daughter in a family of eight brothers, she’s a big kidder, too. The audience loves when she takes Cher-like swipes at Donny, who can’t quite get her back. “My mom said to me, ‘You’re Marie Osmond: Your M.O. is to keep (the Osmond brothers) all humble.’ ”

11. She and the kids live in Henderson’s Green Valley neighborhood; Marie has a Nevada driver’s license and shops at the District. “When I was flying back last time, I saw the Strip, I thought, ‘It really feels like I’m home.’ And for me, that’s huge.”

12. She grew up onstage with her singing brothers, but got some real showbiz schooling at age 16 from Lucille Ball. “She was a tough lady,” Marie says, recalling a guest stint on Lucy’s show. “She waved me over and she said, ‘So. You learned a few things in the makeup room, huh? You wanna learn a few more?’ And I thought ‘Oh wow, I’m dead.’ But she goes, ‘OK. You’re worth my time. You’ll be in the business a while. Let me teach you a few things.’ She taught me about lighting, for one thing.” (See No. 3.)

13. Between “Dancing With the Stars” and the Flamingo show, Marie figures she’s lost about 47 pounds. “The show is hard work, but it was also intentional. I had to be healthy. Heart disease runs in my family. Mom died of it, and my grandmother died of it, my dad had two pacemakers. I’m like, ‘Hello, ticking time bomb.’ One day, my son came to me and said, ‘Mom, you’re all we have.’ ”

14. Marie says she wanted to quickly bring audiences up to date with her stylistic range in the current show. “I’ve played fairs and festivals, honky-tonks and symphony dates. I could play my guitar and cook. I don’t think people know I can do those git-down-with-your-bad-self kind of things.”

15. She has also studied opera for seven years, off and on, and during her solo segment sings Andrew Lloyd Webber’s aria “Pie Jesu,” surrounded by stage fog and twinkling stars. “I could be more operatic than ‘Pie Jesu,’ ” she says, “but I didn’t want to scare anyone to death.”

16. She is recording her next solo album in her Henderson home.

17. Marie often says “tragedy + time = humor.”

18. She has a new book coming out in April called “You Might As Well Laugh About It Now,” which got its start when her house burned down in 2005. “I lost more than 30 years of journals, and my mother’s things. I was afraid I would forget it all, so I started putting them down. (The publisher) said it felt very Erma Bombeck-ish.”

19. Marie also likes to say, “My job is to be an entertainer, not a celebrity.”

20. She drives herself to work every night.

21. She and Donny have had many fights over the years. “Oooh, if anybody could hate each other … are you kidding? Working together and going home to the same house? We probably would have killed each other.”

22. She can’t think of many successful precedents for brother-sister acts. “I mean, you had Karen and Richard (Carpenter), but Richard never talked. (She whispers) Which would have been a nice thing for Donny to do… No! I’m so teasing.” She laughs.

23. The No. 1 reason for their appeal: “We have the same work ethic. I don’t know if it’s blood or what, but we know we’ll always show up for the other.”

24. No. 2: “Almost everyone has a brother or sister, and I say things to Donny that everyone can relate to.”

25. Marie says she stuck her thumb in Donny’s back that one time because “he was being a butt.”

fact: as i type this, my mother is buying 2 VIP tickets to see Donny & Marie Osmond live @ the Flamingo Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. Which means that during the week of April 20 – 24, I will be sitting front row with my sobbing mother, while she sees her teen idol, Donny Osmond, and then meets him afterwards for the first time in her life.
Oh. And also during that week? I’m going to see Elton John.
At Caesar’s Palace.
KILL ME NOWWWW.

The only catch is: you’ll have to fold it yourself! When you’re done you’ll have a lovely little Christmas cube emblazoned with the likenesses of Donny and Marie Osmond, just right for hanging on the tree. (Jimmy Osmond model available on request.)

It’ll look just like this one, except with the Osmonds instead of Sam’s Stonewall Hinkleman co-author Michael Hemphill.

Instructions:

1)Download and print this:

Click for full size image.

2) Cut out the square and follow these instruction to turn your print-out into an ornament!

http://www.origami-instructions.com/origami-water-balloon.html

These instructions are a little fussier than I am about the final steps. Just cram the tabs in there; it’ll all work out.

3) Hang on tree whilst watching Donny and Marie’s 1978 Christmas Special.

In this month’s installment of What Grinds My Gears:

AutoTune’s Hip Hop Takover
The New York Giants Suckfest
My Times Square Encounter with Rudeness
Oprah’s Weight Problems Make Me Wanna Purge
& more!

AutoTune is taking over the world.

If it wasn’t bad enough, now Justin Timberlake is in on it.

T-Pain is known in the hip hop world as being the master of AutoTune.� Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop with him.� When I heard Kanye’s new album, 808’s & Heartbreak, it didn’t bother me so much that he sang the whole thing, it bothered me that he used AutoTune on every track.

AutoTune also makes an appearance on the Jim Jones “new years anthem,” “Pop Champagne”.

AutoTune has also been used on tracks with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, and T.I. (and I would ordinarily never talk shit about T.I.).

And now T-Pain released a “Can’t Believe It”remix not only featuring AutoTune but also featuring Justin Timberlake.

Akon’s all like “I paved the way for Kanye to use it” and T-Pain’s all “I was the first one to master it” and it’s like, why on earth is anyone trying to take credit for this shit?

New York Giants Near Perfect Team Turned Suckfest

Well I don’t know about you, but I didn’t expect the Giants near-perfect season to continue forever.� Granted, as long as they have a good position in the playoffs, I could really care what they’re standings are because they won’t mean anything come January.� What angers me is looking back at the only 3 teams to beat the Giants this season – the Cleveland Browns, the Philadelphia Eagles and the Dallas Cowboys (that last one hurts the most).� None of these three teams are particulary very good (especially the Browns, sorry Ohio), but it’s just in true New York Giants form to fuck up the games that really should have been gimmes.� It speaks volumes about their mindsets and how the previously inconsistent Giants only get more inconsistent as the time goes on.� Maybe they can do a playoff repeat of last season, maybe not, either way they need to get their heads back in it.� And see, I always feel bad for not being emotionally and menatlly capable of having an enormous amount of faith in them, but they continue to prove my guilt wrong so what else can I do?� Now I have to go face my Cowboy fan friends and shove my foot in my mouth.� THANKS GUYS!

I’d Like To Conduct Scientific Research on�Rudeness

This one’s a bit of a long story.

I find it extremely interesting the things people will do�to�avoid�being rude to the people their with.

The other day I was at my internship at Rhapsody�and my eyes were about to bug out of my head as I’d been transcribing artist interviews all day.� I needed to get out of the office for a few minutes so I figured I’d go outside.� The offices are in 1515 Bway which is the MTV Networks building, right in the middle of Times Sqaure, so was I looking for “fresh” air?� Absolutely not.� Was I looking for peace and quiet? �Not even a little bit.� I was just basically hoping that the cold air, drizzling rain�and lights of Times Square would shake up my brains a little bit so I could resume work.

I was leaning up against the MTV Store windows and this group of ladies -�I wouldn’t call them tourists but I would say they live on the outskirts of the city and probably came in for a Broadway matinee -�came over and stood basically right on top of me.� Of all the places they could huddle, it had to be where so close that one of them stepped on my foot twice (and didn’t apologize), so I stepped back a little farther.� Before I know it, one of them turns away from the group to answer her cell phone.� It was nice of her to step away so she didn’t ruin their conversation, but in order for her to do this, she was mere inches away from my face, screaming into her phone.� There were a multitude of places she could have stood and not get hit with oncoming pedestrian traffic, but she failed to even notice I was there, apparently like the one who kept stepping on me.

Unless I was wearing my invisible shield, there was no reason for her to be so oblivious.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I got assaulted a third time but yet another member of the group.� The rain started to get heavier and she wanted to open her umbrella (people in the city with umbrella’s is another thing that grinds my gears and I can talk about it for days.� One day, when I lose an eye, someone will pay).� Again, in order for her to open her umbrella without hitting or getting water all over her friends, she turned around and opened in front of my face.� If I hadn’t jumped back, she would have poked my eye out.

So what is it?� You try so hard to be polite to the people you’re with and you forget other people exist in the world?� I never realized being polite came at such a cost to the innocent bystanders.� I’m just proud of my self-restraint because none of those ladies walked away with black eyes.

Oprah: The Weight Saga

What grinds my gears most about the whole Oprah Weight Saga is that she acts like she’s being so righteous in her weight trouble journey;�that by sharing her troubles with the world and fighting the “good fight” against weight battles, she’s doing something inspiring.� What would be more inspirational to me is if she stopped obsessing about it.� She’s concerned about her health, but I find it hard to believe it’s healthy to judge yourself based on how much thinner Cher and Tina Turner are when they’re standing next to you.� She’s Oprah for fuck’s sake – she can shit out money, she’s brilliant and innovative and has created a brand and a name and a whole damn empire, why is none of that enough?

In Other News…

Donny and Marie need to stop.� They weren’t cool when they were teenagers, and they’re not cool now in their forties.� It’s enough.

Bailouts, budget cuts and taxes.. oh my.� It’s enough to create internal US terrorism (I’m not saying I’m going to start it -�no need to call the FBI).� But seriously.� When is enough, enough?� The taxpayers were already the government’s bitch, but now we’re paying extra (and extra and extra) and losing more (and more and more) so that business and wall street and all this other bullshit can survive.� Well what happens when this entire country falls to ruins, where everyone has to live in huts made out of twigs and the rubble of our former homes, drink dirty river water and�live off of communal bathrooms and exposed sewage?� What good with capitalism do then?� Fuckin’ greedy bastards.

Imagine a family, all sitting around the TV, possibly the only TV in the house. Dad is holding the remote control, which everyone refers to as “the clicker.” The remote has only two functions. One of the functions turns the TV off and on. The other changes the channels, all 7 or 8 of them, with a click of a button. Now try to imagine what that family is watching. Are you imagining them watching one of the classic TV shows from the 1970’s?

In the 1970s most families had one, maybe two televisions in the house, and the second television was usually stashed away in mom and dad’s room where they could watch the classic shows that the kids couldn’t watch yet like Maude or Soap. The televisions in the house might have even shown the programs in black and white.

What kept families glued to these televisions that had only a handful of channels, an ancient clicker, and frequently no color? The classic TV shows from the 1970s, of course. There were so many family-friendly shows in a variety of genres.

For families that enjoyed comedies, the 1970s had some of the most memorable sitcoms. The families in the ‘70’s learned all about families in the 1950’s by watching the wildly popular Happy Days and its equally popular spin off Laverne and Shirley. Happy Days also launched the career of comedian Robin Williams who went on to star in another spin off of the show – Mork and Mindy.

Other family friendly classic television shows of the 1970’s include The Partridge Family (with teen hearth throb David Cassidy), the show that introduced us to John Travolta, Welcome Back Kotter, One Day at a Time, Chico and the Man, The Odd Couple, Good Times, WKRP in Cincinnati, What’s Happening, Three’s Company and The Jeffersons.

Families with older children enjoyed comedies with a social conscience like All in the Family, Maude, Barney Miller or Mash. These classic 1970s sitcoms dealt with the social issues of the day in poignant yet comedic way.

Families also had several variety shows to choose from for their viewing pleasure. Classic variety shows such as The Donny and Marie Show and The Sonny and Cher Show had music, comedy sketches and popular guest stars each week. The Carol Burnett Show brought together some of the 1970’s funniest comedians each week and The Muppet Show combined the genius of Jim Henson’s fantastic creations with musical and comedy guest stars sharing the stage with Kermit, Miss Piggy and Animal.

There were plenty of one hour family dramas, too. Eight is Enough, Little House on the Prairie, and The Waltons were just a few of the classic television dramas that brought families together in front of the television each week.

There was also room for crime fighting and action heroes in the classic 1970s TV shows. The world learned what bionics was in The Six Million Dollar Man and its spin off The Bionic Woman. Each week families would tune in to see how Lee Majors and Jamie Sommers would use their bionic eyes and ears. CHiPs gave us a glimpse into the life of California Highway Patrol officers. Starsky and Hutch chased bad buys in their hot rod and BJ and the Bear tracked down bad guys in an 18 wheeler.

Two other classic television shows from that era that can’t be defined by any of these other genres were The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. These shows were the place for the stars of yesteryear and the stars of the current era to make guest appearances, several at a time. For years, families stayed home on Saturday nights just to see who would get off the plane onto the island or turn up Julie the Cruise Director’s guest list.

In today’s modern times, there are hundreds of channels on each of the four or more TV sets in most homes. Yet, there seems to never be anything to watch, especially something that the whole family can enjoy together. Many of these classic TV shows from the 1970’s are now on DVD and can be bought or rented either online or at a store. Why not consider getting a classic TV DVD for your family this Friday night instead of the usually family movie?

~Ben Anton, 2007

I always find myself wanting to call bullshit on people who claim to know what their first memory is.  I admit my reaction is a classic case of lashing out due to insecurity, because the whole topic makes me uncomfortable, as if I’m missing some fundamental piece of my own history because I don’t have a ready answer.  I feel like the furthest back I can go is to when I was three years old, and the only reason I can even gauge the year is that I remember being beside myself with joy when I got a Fonzi doll for my fourth birthday.  I figure at least some of the hot Fonzi madness from my early days must have been cooked up at age three, otherwise the present would not have been received with such mania.   

I seem to have memories of sitting around the coffee table in our gameroom one summer night making Kiddie Fondue with my siblings (an “only-in-the-70s” toy in the EasyBake Oven vein that encouraged kiddies to dip mini marshmallows into scalded chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla pastes.  Kiddie key-party accessories sold separately.)  But do I really remember that night or have a I just seen the picture so many times that I’ve created a memory to go with it?  In the Polaroid I was surely no older than 3, sitting with my brother and sister, tiny plastic cocktail forks raised in a toast, eyes shining bright above sunburned cheeks, my sister Kelly inexplicably wearing a blue t-shirt that said, “Lisa”. 

I remember the day a girl named Heather pooped in the baby pool and I couldn’t have been older than four then.  I remember Bowling School which was what we called the daycare room at the bowling alley where my mom’s league practiced on Tuesday mornings.  The good people at Bowling School were big on those homemade toys fashioned from two soup cans on either side of a length of yarn which could be used as telephones or stilts depending on if you were in a passive or an active mood.  They also always had glazed doughnuts, god bless them.  I was definitely three then, because that was the year before pre-school.  Between consecutive years of bowling and pre-school, followed by kindergarten, I could never understand why the next year was only first grade.  I was convinced I should be in fourth. 

I remember watching soap operas with my mom during the day when my brother and sister were at school, and eating breakfast on Sunday mornings in front of the downstairs TV with my dad while we watched Top Cat cartoons.   That was while the rest of the family was at church, so I must have only been three or four then, too.  Mom taught Sunday school in those days which I was too young for, giving Dad the perfect excuse to bow out altogether.  I think I was four the year Mom volunteered as a group leader at the local Girl Scout day camp and enrolled me in the “Small Fries” (another daycare, more or less.)  That was actually my first “homesick at camp” experience which ended an hour or so into Day 1 with top-of-my-lungs wailing “I don’t want to be a French fry!” in the middle of the sandbox.  Needless to say, they quickly shipped me through the woods to Mom’s campsite where I spent the rest of the week with my sister’s Brownie troop making sit-upons and learning songs about Juliette Low. 

I remember crying when Donny Osmond got his hair cut on his and Marie’s variety show, surely a program only a 4-year-old could love, not to mention repeated viewings of “The Captain and Tenille” show (and sporting the haircut it inspired.)  I know I was four then because that was the summer we had our picture drawn in oil pastels by an artist at Sea World and I was sporting the ‘do in the drawing.  And, of course, I remember various Super Bowl parties from the 70’s, but as the Steelers won each time, there’s not much there to help my fuzzy brain distinguish one year from another (a statement I’m sure the adults at those parties could also make for different reasons.)  

As I reread this, it seems there aren’t many memories I’ve managed to dig up prior to age four.  So, now the question is, do I claim my first memory is worshiping at the altar of Henry Winkler making panties drop in Arnold’s with the snap of his fingers or burning my tongue on hot sugar paste while taking part in a doomed culinary experiment posing as a flammable children’s toy?  Maybe it’s best to keep claiming ignorance…

Donny and Marie

Friday nights back in our home in the late seventies was a weekly ritual for us watching two of the most famous singing pair of siblings at the time performing in their weekly variety show. The name of that show was Donny and Marie.  They were from Utah and we were from Guam.   They were a little bit Little Country and a Little Bit Rock and Roll. We just loved them.

I admit it.  I like these two squeaky clean Mormon people.  Their lives have have been more squeaky than clean. But it seems their faith has pulled them through and compared to a lot of their comtemporaries they have led relatively normal lives for celebrities. Marie has had a couple of divorces and bouts with depression, but seems to have come through all of it well.  Donny has been able through reinvent himself in several different ways career wise.  They have certainly been able to gain a respect in the industry.

Yes, their music is cheesy to some degree but it has become part of our musical heritage. There have been some especially good moments. Donny’s entrance into Musical Theatre  especially as the lead in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Musical touring company was a great match. Marie had a good country music career for a while.

They are American icons and are as homemade as apple pie.  Their show was the only one that brought my whole family together, even my macho retired navy dad.   So I admit that I am a Donny and Marie fan.

They are scheduled, after 29 years , to perform together in a show at the Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas from September 9- October 1, 2008.  They had a preview concert run early in the summer to sold out crowds.  I am ure it will have the same response again.  They are scheduled to perform solo and duet hits like “Paper Roses,” “Make the World Go Away,” “I’m Leaving It (All) Up to You,” “Morning Side of the Mountain,” “Puppy Love,” “Soldier of Love,” “Deep Purple” and others.

I hope I get to see them.  It brings me back to my living room with my family on Friday nights when two young kids with big smiles brought light and music into our house.

Vegas Show Website:   http://www.donnyandmarie.com/

Donny and Marie Osmond are starting a six-month run at the Flamingo in Las Vegas beginning this September.

The duo recently hosted the Miss USA contest in Vegas. They are replacing Tony Braxton whose two-year contract ends in August. Braxton was recently hospitalized with chest pains and is taking some time off.

Miss Usa, April 11, 2008:

The hosts, Donny and Marie Osmond, came down with a serious case of retardedness last night. If I were either of them, acting like morons on national television, I would have wanted to curl up and die. Too bad they like themselves and are quite used to acting like morons on national television.

Miss Missouri’s interest was laughing. Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? She has a real totem-pole-level-interesting personality, huh? At least her mom says she’s special.

Let’s meet the judges; Hannah Montana, the Target dog, Daisy Fuentes, Regis Philbin, Gene Simmons, and Joey Fatone. Please excuse our Dancing with the Stars reunion.

This year’s winner was a charity case. They decided it would be funny if the ugliest girl won. Either that or such as her fellow dog judge rigged it in her favor.

Mimi

Why am I doing this? Because I find pageantry fascinating. I find the glossy production values mesmerizing and the girls lovely to look at. I become nostalgic for my own one-off with the whole dog-and-pony show (yeah, I did it). But more than anything, I find utter hilarity in not only how seriously it takes itself, but in the honest-to-god sincere manner in which it’s presented, as if the powers-that-be are truly unaware that anyone of average intelligence can see right through the whole phoney-baloney. Even after the Miss Nevada and Miss New Jersey scandals- and let’s not forget the big one with Tara Conner’s proclivities for lots of boys and lots of blow- even after all this, the organization really thinks they’re fooling you. The whole don’t- mind-the-Wizard-behind-the-curtain treatment’s like when Sylvester puts on that face of mock innocence, claiming to have no idea where Tweety went when Granny interrogates him- and meanwhile, a lone yellow feather drifts in front of his mouth. It would be endearing, really- if it were cats, and not people, and if they weren’t making so much money off of it.  Still though, the whole farce, campy without intending to be, gets me doubling over in laughter. So here’s the recap of the highlights, which include a jillion funny moments, all side-splittingly unintentional.

I started a little late here, so the early details are a bit spotty. The live live blog begins at the swimsuit competition.

Ok, so Donny & Marie host. Lots of awkward sibling tension here. Marie’s pretty made up, Donny’s clearly had some work done, and Marie takes great pleasure in cutting down Donny at every turn, who kind of takes it like a bitch. Is this public humiliation payback for the time he popped the head off her baby doll or just their usual schtick? If the latter, Jesus, how depressing.

Top 15 are picked and sorry I missed this one but in all honesty I don’t recall much that was noteworthy of the process anyway.

We see a recap of the girls’ photo shoot. Which, based on the styling and art direction, basically looks like porn, but with clothes on and of course, without the sex.

We are introduced to the judges. Christian Siriano (omg please check out his photo on missusa.com, srsly) gets the most applause, some guy from Vanity Fair that nobody’s ever heard of gets the least, and Rob Schneider mugs and steals fellow judge Amanda Beard’s thunder by leaning into the frame and continuing to mug during her intro.

I imagine what their score sheets must look like. Rob Schneider’s would be something like  “Hot. Would totally do that one. Hot, yet butter face. Hot, but looks like a bitch. Hot, would be interested in seeing in French maid outfit, Hot, etc. etc.” Christian’s I’m sure would have “fierce” “hot mess” and “tranny fierce” scrawled all over it. The linebacker would draw pictures of the ones he likes best. Ken Paves is looking for great hair.

We are treated to a montage of carefully choreographed scenes of the girls “enjoying” Las Vegas. We see them playing with the dolphins (but not swimming, because we do not f with the hair, darlings) and “dance” at a nightclub, and by dancing I mean slight movements with arms slightly bent.

Swimsuit competition- Some one hit wonder comes on and sings a song I’m vaguely familiar with due to a sad coworker’s strong and unfortunate affinity for K-Rock. Somehow they manage to hold their concentration despite the fact that 51 ladies- 36 of which are totally done for the night but are still forced to parade in front of the audience in bikinis anyway- strut past just a few feet away. I think if I was one of the losers, and therefore had nothing more to lose anyway, I’d jump in with the band and start to jam. In my bikini. Yes, I would.

The girls wear faux fur over the bikinis, because of course, real fur is wrong, wrong, wrong. Good thing they were going for glam and not edge, because then they’d have to wear leather. But not real leather because that is wrong, wrong, wrong which means of course they’d have to wear pleather which of course would be just awful.

I love Oklahoma. Indiana lets us know she’s a good time girl by peppering her time on stage with more than a few naughty glances, which may help or hurt, depending on how progressive the judges are.

Time to knock down to the final 10. There’s my Oklahoma! Lindsey Jo is her name. Of course.

I like Mississippi because she says she’s good at communicating and building relationships. That’s a good skill to have.

Indiana, aspiring actress, makes the cut. Guess those come hither looks worked.

Now we “learn” a little more about the girls through carefully edited video clips of their interviews.

Minnesota gives an altogether unclear answer as to how she reacts to negative opinions about pageantry but of course in the end it has something to do with self-confidence and self-esteem.

Indiana’s clip is obviously cut down when she talks about being raised by a single mom (say something controversial there, missy?)

Donny makes a comment about how it’s time for the girls to now take a trip across the stage in their evening gowns- “no pun intended, ha ha” he says- and I truly am hoping that this isn’t foreshadowing. As funny as it is to see people fall, maybe it’s because I’m a former pageant contestant but I can only imagine what a horrible moment that has to be for a girl, because it’s then that she knows that after all the hard work, crunches and protein shakes that taste like aquarium water, she is so done.

Anyway, here we go! Evening gown time! The girls slowly sashay to Rihanna’s “Umbrella”, though personally I think Scott Simon’s version would be more appropriate- although it’s a given the pageant organizers have never heard of this young man or even if they had, wouldn’t put on an artist that less than 90% of the population under 22 has heard of, so it’s a moot point.

Massachusetts has a nice, basic if a bit boring classic black low-cut deal. Oh wait, aren’t they all low-cut these days?

Nope. Missouri wears a light blue sparkly frock with a neck that’s damn near up to the chin, a modest approach that balances out the fact that it’s completely see-through except for where it absolutely cannot be for network television- Jenna Jameson meets Barbara Bush. It’s weird. And I’m sure Christian loves it.

Jersey? Forgot about the dress, caught up in the girl- a damn good model.

Pennsylvania wears a sparkly lace one- I’m not feeling that fabric- it’s quite like what you see large bolts of in the “bridal” section in those wholesale stores in the garment district.

Oklahoma is ridiculously hot, bad bouffant be damned. The dress is silver with side cut outs, It’s alright.

Mississippi wears your standard low cut white gown. It’s tough to pull off white stretchy material, but she does and pulls down an 8.953 for it. Yeah I just noticed that they’re showing scores.

Tennessee- um wtf? I don’t get this bizarre corsety gown that shows skin down the middle. Neither do the judges. 9.453.

Fierce miss texas wears a gorgey sparkly bronzey gown. Um whoops, missed the score.

Indiana is decked out in something I can’t figure with weird copper pieces around her hips. 8.578.

Florida. Don’t like it. It’s blue and green and looks sort of tye-dyed. Side cut outs are nice, as is the rhinestone detailing. 8.500.

In the end, no trips or falls, so f u, Donny.

Marie interviews some losers backstage and puts down Donny, again. Awkward, again!

Donny interviews Joey who pretends to like beautiful women.

Donny interviews Mills, who says you have to work at these pageants for nyez and nyez and nyez (years and years and years).

Donny interviews Rob who claims he lost 8 pounds while watching the swimsuit competition. I have no idea what the hell that’s supposed to mean. Rob continues to act like an idiot and poor Heather Beard has to keep sitting next to him and act amused by his antics.

After commercial, we get a mini-marketing push for Vegas- specifically, Planet Hollywood, because they’re really hurting these days and need the money. J/K don’t worry! They’re just sponsoring. Did I mention the owner is a judge? The girls are never seen on the casino floor. Or in the bar. They are shown dancing at Prive. Like the “dancing” before.

Miss Congeniality is awarded. I absolutely have to leave it at that, ok? My intention is not to be a meanie to the contestants when it comes to things they can’t help, like being 22 but appearing to be- OK, I am so stopping right there. Anyway, I’m sure it was stylistic approaches and I’m totally digging myself deeper here so let’s move on.

Some Viewer’s Choice award is given to Alaska, who either sucked in interview or has no pull because the gal is a model of drop-dead fresh-faced cover girl gorgeousness.

More commercials for fast food, cleaning supplies, Kmart and cruise lines. It’s no secret who the target demographic is here. And it ain’t me.

And we’re back! Top 5 announced to the tune of cheesy synthesizers and a seizure-inducing light show.

Pennsylvania. Eh.

Texas. Of course.

Oklahoma. Yes!

Jersey- Ok.

Mississippi- don’t really understand the appeal. But I guess you need some dark hair in there.

Too bad about Indiana. I guess the overtly-trampy routine can only take you so far. Which is a shame, really, when you think about it.

Question time! This is always good. I don’t feel bad when they f up here, because if they do, it’s they own damn fault.  I mean really, the questions in the MUO are so easy, it’s a cakewalk to prep for. Then again, I have a superiority complex in this area due to the fact that I totally RULED at it!!!1!!! I know, really something to proud of there, Mar.

Pennsylvania answers a question about being a USO girl, and smiles her way through talk of shot down helicopters and being in “Sniper Alley”.

Texas gets to talk about her business. Talk about a softball question.

Oklahoma is asked about her experience chasing a wild boar. She informs us that she has a lot of guy friends (bet that’s all they see you as too, sister) she does this with, and a butchy Aunt Chris who enjoys these excursions as well. J/K. No Aunt Chris.

New Jersey went to the D.R. and gets to talk about how all sorts of crazy it was doing nature-y things.

Mississippi talks about her childhood speech impediment. You know, I did think she sounded a little funny, and I mean that in the nicest way possible, I do.

Now Donny makes another joke and Marie, of course, promptly decimates him.

The announcer announces. “Someone’s dream is about to come true”. And the dream of four other girls is about to be smashed into pieces. So it goes.

Donny and Marie explain the process of the judges’ question. Marie laughs at the cute little bell sound. The girls pick their cards and their judges.

Heather asks Pennsylvania about marketing makeup towards little girls and seems dissatisfied by an answer that doesn’t really answer the question.

Miss Texas gets Shawne Merriman who asks about forced military service. Texas states she is anti-draft, and I’m thinking that’s not a very red-state thing to say.

Oklahoma gets Christian- “Hello darling”, he begins, “if you could help any famous person, who would that be and how would you help them? (insert head tilt here)”.  Oklahoma takes the obvious choice, Britney, and the audience laughs. “Now guys…” she admonishes. The audience is immediately shamed and silenced like a bunch of kindergartners, and Oklahoma continues on about how she wants to develop Britney’s confidence and help her “get over whatever she’s going through” (um, it’s mental illness darling, everyone knows) and the rest is- kind of unintelligible. Which no one notices because they’re still ashamed for laughing at Britney.

Joey asks Jersey about what to do about mean parents who don’t let their kids watch tv or use the internet- Jersey says this is “bad”.

Mississippi picks Kelly Carlson, who asks about looks getting your foot in the door- Mississippi acknowledges this is so, but is of course quick to mention her intelligence as well.

Prize package time! In short order, the crown, the mandatory UWS digs, Farouk hair products, trump model management contract, shala clothes, nina shoes, ymi gear, syrup bikinis, vacay at westgate, a 2 year scholarship at ny film academy…basically, all things that are kind of essentials for the job. Including the measly 4-day vacation, so the queen doesn’t go completely insane. I remember when the prize packages included neat things like cars and jewelry. This in turn is like giving a housewife a vacuum cleaner. Or me binder clips for doing such a great job at putting together packages of tax returns.

The last look: Pennyslvania does her thing whatever, Texas struts out with confidence (she really does have it goin’ on and what with having her own business, it makes me wonder what the hell she needs this pageant for anyway), Oklahoma comes out, big bouffant and all, Jersey sweeps across the stage and I finally notice her gown, a greenish sequined number, and finally Mississippi, whose fabu gold eyeshadow I notice for the first time. When the five are presented together, Jersey makes the interesting choice of doing an “over the shoulder” look.

Donny and Marie plug their Vegas show, which I’ve decided I’m so not going to because I’m kind of tired of seeing Marie rip Donny to shreds.

The old queen does her final walk in a flowing mustard maternity dress and talks about Southern values.

Ernst & Young accountant walks out with the results, making history as the first rep they’ve ever had who is semi-attractive. The usual joke is made about it being the accountant’s 5 seconds of fame because usually he’s pent up in a drab cubicle crunching numbers and everyone laughs because it’s fun to laugh at accountants and how boring their lives are, but the accountant has the last laugh because in reality, he likes the drab cubicle because he doesn’t have to interact with people there, least of all silicon-doll-like people, and can’t wait to get back.

4^th runner up: Pennsylvania

3^rd runner up: Oklahoma. Oh, it’s so totally going to Texas now.

2^nd runner up: New Jersey. Oh god please let it be Texas.

Donny almost says “And the new Mrs. USA is…” because in reality it would be so much better if it were a married woman because everyone knows a married woman is so much more of an ideal woman than a single one, especially if she’s Mormon.

1^st runner up: Oop! Cocktease commercial break! Hmph. Cocktease. Who am I kidding. The guys stopped watching once swimsuit was over.

I sit through an Herbal Essences commercial that could pass just as easily for a Barbie commercial.

Cut back to the girls. They are holding hands. Texas’ are on top of Mississippi’s, and everyone knows that means she’s the dominant female and so of course is totally winning.

1^st runner up: Mississippi

Texas done it! And gets like 3 seconds to do a victory walk. That really sucks, actually.

Going forward, I wonder how a woman who is clearly no doormat, who owns her own business, is going to fare working for and answering to someone else. Especially a business that’s got the number of restrictions MUO does. Should be an interesting season of Pageant Place….

If you’re anything like me, you watched Marie Osmond on DANCING WITH THE STARS and thought to yourself, “this cougar needs her own show STAT!” Well, bless your lucky stars, it may actually happen!

Marie and incestuous lover brother Donny are a hot commodity right now. A source claims the Osmonds are in talks with various networks and syndicators about “hosting duties for reality series in primetime and a syndicated talk show for daytime.”

This is the best news since I heard there would be a season three of FLAVOR OF LOVE!

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