I’m listening Guns’n'Roses – Don’t Cry and waiting for that “give me a whisper” part…. that “Shhhhht”… I can just imagine…

This post is about what you want but cannot touch…. I had a flash of my desires….. It’s a pity I can’t really talk about ‘em. I’d describe right now with details all about it…. you’d want it to…

I can say thow…. it’s frustrating to have in front of your eyes the passion fruit and not have a bite…

The story it’s about this guy…..  he’s so f***ing irresistable…

He never talks to me but alway makes me feel like I already know everything I have to know.

It’s kinda like… with chocolate.

You eat it without ever asking “Can I eat you?”

I’d do that concerning THIS matter!!!

But how could I ever?

Can anybody explain how a touch get’s to be so addictive? (like chocolate again!!!)

I almost want nothing but his presence, his look upon me and his thoughts crossing mine….

Do you understand? I’m saying chocolate it’s orgasmic….

So be it!

Let’s have some chocolate !!!

Enjoy!

Legat de articolul prcedent imi cam dau seama ca am tendinta totusi de a-mi plange prea mult de mila. Cred ca o sa iau o masura drastica (chiar daca oricat de mult as masura-o tot a lui este mai mare – asta este dintr-un banc vechi de la Divertis ) sa imi schimb putin cam radical viata ……. macar din punctele de vedere care realizez ca ma aduc in starea asta. Totusi legat de plansul inimii mele cred ca se potriveste:

Chiar imi plac recomandarile tale. Merci mult de sprijin cu muzica buna!

Aceasta ultima piesa a mai fost de cateva ori postata pe site mai ales ca ea m-a facut pe mine mic “rocker” si este preferata mea in continuare. Se pare ca nu doar a mea totusi!

Chiar imi plac recomandarile tale. Merci mult de sprijin cu muzica buna!

Aceasta ultima piesa a mai fost de cateva ori postata pe site mai ales ca ea m-a facut pe mine mic “rocker” si este preferata mea in continuare. Se pare ca nu doar a mea totusi!

Chiar imi plac recomandarile tale. Merci mult de sprijin cu muzica buna!

Aceasta ultima piesa a mai fost de cateva ori postata pe site mai ales ca ea m-a facut pe mine mic “rocker” si este preferata mea in continuare. Se pare ca nu doar a mea totusi!

Cold. I feel so cold. But why am I complaining? I have always felt so cold.

Starting from the second I wake up, those emotions would come rushing through my veins. Anger. Hatred. Nervousness. Rejection. Depression. I feel like this everyday. I’m so angry. So freaking angry at myself. I hate myself. I don’t think I have ever loved myself. I feel that I don’t meet society standards and that people would dislike me. I feel so nervous around people, including my family and friends. If I do something wrong, I would always think they would reject me. Why do I feel this way you ask? Because the first time I’ve ever felt rejection was the time that I learned to trust her. My mom always liked my sister better. There was this one time my mom said something to me that I would never forget.  My heart broke the moment she finished her sentence. “Is it okay if I care more for your sister for a while? You’ve always been with me your whole life. Your sister on the other hand was not. So can I love her more for just once?” I was only six at that time. The first time I saw my sister was when I was six. I still remember what she said until today and I will forever remember it because that was the first time I received a hole so deep in my heart. That ‘request’ from my mom caused me to block myself from this world. I’m still alone with no one to open up too. There isn’t anyone I can trust because they would end up digging another hole. No other scar they give me would have hurt me greater than what I’ve experience when I was six.  The hole still isn’t fully healed yet.  What she said had such a great impact on my life. That bottomless hole had taught me who to hide my emotions behind my heart and to only let them out when no one is around. That hole had caused me to hate myself. The impact was so big that it takes me years to trust people. It actually took me 3 years to actually trust my friend. The impact was so big that I lose my trust to people so easily. The impact was so big that I still could feel the pain today.

One little memory of a person’s could change their whole life.
My heart hurts like hell right now. It is surrounded by black walls. It’s nearly impossible to get inside. Tears wouldn’t stop flowing endlessly. Anger and depression is trapped forever inside the heart. There’s too much anger that it makes my heart confused. Confused about why I’m even living. Why I’m even here. Confused about myself, my personality.  I don’t even know who I am. The depression causes the heart to become even more overwhelmed when faced with problems. Those emotions have never stopped me from being happy because it’s buried so deep so It takes me a while to know that I secretly feel angered and depressed. I feel so confused and overwhelmed at this moment that it just makes me want to die.

If someone had shot me in the head right now, I would thank them.

વાતવાતમાં કેમ ભરાતાં અશ્રુ આમ નયનમાં?

વહ્યું નથી કે વહેવાનું નહીં દુ:ખ ક્યારેય રૂદનમાં!

સૌને દુ:ખ છે તેમ છતાં સૌ કોઈ તો નથી રડતા,

હસીને સહેશો? રડી રડીને? ખૂબી છૂપી ચયનમાં!

બધી વ્યથાઓ ભૂલી જઈને ચહેરો હસતો રાખો,

કે ના બગડે દશા કોઈની જોઈ તમારા વદનમાં!

રહે નહીં જો દુ:ખ સખણું થઈ હ્રદયમાં ટૂંટિયું વાળી,

બહાર એને ફેંકો સાચા-ખોટા કારણ કે પ્રહસનમાં!

સમજો તો હવે સમજો કે આ સીધીસાદી વાત છે,

હસતા રહેશો ઘણું જણાશે જીવવાસમ જીવનમાં!

શર્મિલ અમે તકલીફો પણ હસતાં હસતાં સહેશું,

જન્મારાનો સાર શોધીશું જઈને અમે કફનમાં!

- સંજય વિ. શાહ ‘શર્મિલ’

If you’re asking why I’m getting pissed off so easily these days, it’s because something is bothering me and I just seem to take my anger out on you guys.
I’m so sorry T_T

In Mary Gaitskill’s story collection, Don’t Cry, is a story entitled, “Mirror Ball.” It’s one of my four favorites in the collection and is described on the book jacket as an “urban fairy tale” in which “a young man steals a girl’s soul during a one-night stand.”

I don’t generally like stories that involve the surreal, but from the first page,  the language of this story is so alluring that I was able to keep an open mind.

“…the anonymous little haunts where songs were still alive and moving in the murky darkness,…”

The words just kept twirling me on down the river of the story…

“It was a cold fall night with a feeling of secret pockets and moving shadows.”

…until I was caught in the current.

“Music temporarily filled the empty space, soothing her and giving shape to the feelings she could not understand.”

My favorite passage of all is so full of concrete images that it almost seems to move this way and then that:

“In daily life, his emotions were chaos. He let himself become a vessel for them, letting feeling roar through him, pulling him around like a kite, boiling him like water in a kettle, dissolving him in a whirl of elements. Except that normally he could go into his studio and make order. He could make songs that were satisfying containers, for the kite, for the kettle, the whirl of elements–he could put each in its place. The things he was feeling now did not fit into the songs he was used to making.”

What a fantastic paragraph. It contains so many images and ideas. Every time I read it, I want to read it over again. Except that for all the rich images, the idea I keep coming back to is using containers to make order.

Growing up, when I would approach the front door with my arms full of eleven different things, my mother would always be right there with a tote bag. “Here,” she would say. “Put everything in here.”

Containers keep us from spilling out all over the place. They make order out of disorder. Here, the character poured his emotions into songs. Matisse used paintings. I empty myself into words on a page. I’m also reminded of this passage from Toni Morrison’s Beloved:

“She is a friend of my mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.”

I feel depressed for no reason.

I repeat: NO REASON.

I feel all broken. I can’t seem to find the pieces. It’s scrambled and I don’t have a god damn clue where the hell they are.
It’s permanently lost.

Those eye bags aren’t there for no reason.

Remember when Guns N’ Roses was the best band in the world?

It was a simpler time.

These guys were like the scientists who break down DNA, except instead of working with DNA they were working with R&R…ahhh man, that was just lame. Like seriously? Jesus.

The idea being, the dudes broke life down to its most basic elements.

Okay, time to get to work.

I can’t trust anyone.
It’s hard to trust people. I find it hard to even trust myself.

I find it so hard to love people. Have I ever loved myself?
Those walls are so hard to tear down and they trap the heart in with nothing but darkness.
The heart is to weak to fight back.
Which is the reason why I can’t give anybody a chance because I’m afraid of being hurt again if I can’t find the right person to open up too.

But now I’ve managed to burn a hole through one of the sides. That’s how care finally came out.
The scars that are only exposed to the night aurora are still yearning for light.
But when time passes, the wall would become thinner and those scars would be a gift that makes me stronger.
Eventually, the walls would be torn down by someone.

Is this the start of a strong and loving heart?

Feel gHood Muzik: The 8th Wonder Album

Track List:

CD1

01. Feel gHood Muzik

02. Jet Pack (Korean Version) [Feat. Sef Cobane & Bizzy]

03. Magic (일 더하기 일은 셋, 둘, 하나) [Feat. Ann]

04. 축하해 (Congratulations) [Feat. 서조단]

05. Don’t Cry (Feat. 진보)

06. 숫자놀이 (Number Games)

07. Skit (Crazy For Music Loptimist is Staying Up Tonight as Well)

08. True Romance (Feat. T)

09. 두두두왑바바루 (Doo Doo Doo Wap Ba Ba Ru) [Feat. Jungsshin & Sun]

10. 6 번 줄 없는 통기타 (Guitar Missing The 6th String)

11. Superfine (비켜가)

12. 힙합간지남 (Hip-Hop & South)

13. Question (Feat. Ann)

CD2

01. Monster (Korean Version)

02. 죽기 전에 죽지 않아 (What U Want) [Feat. Bizzy & Palo Alto]

03. Rebel Music

04. 내 눈을 쳐다봐 (Look at My Eyes) [Feat. Bizzy, YDG, & 정인]

05. 주파수 (Frequency) [Feat. 화나]

06. Freaky Deaky Superstar (Feat. Jungsshin & Sun)

07. 비벼대 (To Rub) [Feat. Bizzy, Palo Alto, YANGGANG, 1kyne, & SAMAD]

08. Die Legend 2 (Feat. Dynamic Duo & DOK2)

09. Jet Pack (English Version) [Feat. Stylistic Jones, Zeebra, & Sef Cobane]

10. Rest in Peace (Question) [Feat. Ann]

11. Three Kingz (Feat. Roscoe Umali & Stylistic Jones)

12. 짝패 (Partner) [Feat. Palo Alto]

13. 서러운 울음소리 (Crying in Grief Sound) [Feat. Sean2Slow, Bizzy, Palo Alto, Double K, & DOK2]

14. Monster (English Version) [Feat. Rakim, Rakka of Dilated People, Roscoe Umali, & T]

]]> http://meteorstorm1642.wordpress.com/2009/08/22/mv-croquis-dont-cry/ Sat, 22 Aug 2009 12:08:04 +0000 meteorstorm1642 http://meteorstorm1642.wordpress.com/2009/08/22/mv-croquis-dont-cry/ http://mimixmimi.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/junior-high-schools-memory/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:28:33 +0000 mimixmimi http://mimixmimi.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/junior-high-schools-memory/

          八月五日的早晨，我跟阿寶起床準備一些土司帶在身上，前往松山車站，買了兩張往新竹的自強號，就這樣啟程了，我們有一句沒一句說著也各自的想著，到了台北站，斐莉上車了，這一程又多了一個人，很快的，眼睛只不過瞇了幾下，到了新竹火車站，我們在車站門口找尋著國中導師周老師的轎車，很快的坐上老師的車子，繼續前往，在新竹玫瑰唱片行前的馬路上，我們撞見了Bala，接著小Lee載著Bala和雅琇，我們又再次的啟程。

         這次我們終於到了，大家再次相聚的地方_『新竹市立殯儀館』，聚在這裡，是因為我們決定無論如何都要陪凱群走完最後一程，互相安慰對方，擁抱著江老師，最後的路上，大家紅著眼框，滿懷的不捨，平平靜靜的送他走了…。

       擦著眼淚，走出殯儀館，大家學著更珍惜相處的時間，到新竹遠百的skylark坐下來好好吃個午餐，講著過去大家曾做的傻事，想著曾經跟凱群渡過的回憶，沒有很清楚，但卻再也不會忘掉，大伙就這樣聚在一起，心心相惜的聊著笑著，不知不覺就這樣在skylark聊了五個小時，大家互相為對方照相留念，想著凱群可能也會加入我們，大家不禁互看著對方，也笑了，因為我沒帶到相機，就拿出筆記本將同學們畫在我的筆記本中，寫上名字，把大家的笑聲收在我的筆記本裡，希望大家以後可以一直這樣笑著，『凱群，你看到我們了嗎?你一定也要在天堂，幸福的笑著喔!』 ^ ^