I forgot to post this a while ago (OK I’ll admit I was just lazy). For Halloween Doritos came out with a special edition filled with shapes like ghosts, pumpkins, bats, etc. It was just normal old cheese flavor though.

Like you, I spend a lot of time sitting around in my pants, staring into the terrifying blankness of my own existence and contemplating the pointlessness of everything. To ameliorate the hollowness and despair, I like to self-medicate through existential crises with a potent combination of Doritos, temazepam and a carefully choreographed programme of intense masturbation. Weird thing is, since turning 30, I’m shitting breezeblocks as I increasingly Guantanamo myself with thoughts of my own mortality. It’s like the Woody Allen joke about terrible food: life relentlessly sucks a big donkey’s dick, but you still want more of it.

So I’ve set about trying to prolongue my exposure to all the gaping emptiness that inevitably awaits. I’ve started to exercise. I’ve started to run. It’s my girlfriend’s idea (self-pitying onanism isn’t ‘proper’ exercise, apparently). In many ways, it’s a good idea. I’ll get to enjoy the forthcoming apocalypse from my own portable throne, because my knees will be completely bojangled.

Anyway, I’m quite getting into it. We’re planning a 10k run in the New Year, together, like the sickeningly in-love middle-class Guildford couple we are. I’ve even got a watch that tracks my route with GPS and then gets cross at me for being slower than I was yesterday, encouraging a fierce and unhealthy rivalry with my younger, fitter self. I can currently run 5k in 22 minutes. Whoopee for me.

I was thinking about blogging about running and how I’m progressing but I’m not really sure what there is to say. Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running sounds interesting, but I’m put off by the possibility of wading through another 400 pages of whimsical surrealism where running is probably an extended metaphor for the trials and tribulations faced by overweight talking barnacles. So I’m not going to read that. Instead, I’ll just nick the idea from the title.  Here’s a list of some of the things that go through my brain when I’m moving at speeds that make me indiscernible to the human eye…

 1) Crikey, these pants are tight. Is everything tucked in? Feels a bit breezy down there.

2) Was he looking at my groin?

3) Is it me or is this hill steeper than yesterday?

4) Lace is undone. Fuck.

5) Legs ache.

6) Better check watch.

7) 1 min 30. Approximately 25 left to go. Fuck.

8) Legs really ache. Can’t…breathe.

9) I could just walk home now. Nobody would ever know.

10) Jade Goody did a marathon without practising. Maybe training for a 10k is overkill? The atmosphere of the occasion will get me through.

11) Jade Goody is dead.

12) Jade Goody didn’t die of running.

13) I’m not sure what the moral of Jade Goody is in this context.

14) Need a wee.

15) Legs hurt.

16) Watch check. 10 minutes 40. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

17) Fuck the fuck out of my fucking way, dildo dog.

18) “No. No really. No worries. Yes, he’s a lovely dog isn’t he? Ahhhhh. He’s a lovely dog. You’re lovely dog aren’t you? Lovely dog.”

19) Legs hurt. Arms hurt. Feet hurt. Back hurts. Neck hurts. Can’t breathe. Snot. Pouring. Down. Face. Sweaty. Smell. Like. Raccoon’s. Vagina.

20) Hot girl! Hot girl!

21) Did she notice me?

22) Yes.

23) Shit.

24) 5 minutes to go. Step it up.

25) Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

26) Think the pain away. Think the pain away. Think the pain away.

27) Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

28) Did I leave the gas on?

29) What’s the name of that thing where you press your balls against a window to make them look like vacuum-packed chicken?

30) Pancaking?

31) No, that’s something else isn’t it?

32) Was I being offensive at that party last night?

33) Yes.

34) I shouldn’t be allowed to speak.

35) Uh, was that some shit?

36) Yes.

37) Is this over yet?

38) Nearly.

39) Oh, you’ve already stopped.

40) LOSER!

The deadline for the Doritos Crash the Super Bowl contest has come and gone. Now, for the 4,047 entries it’s a waiting game to hear the announcement of the Top 6. With over double the amount of entries from last year, the competition has definitely increased. Production values are up, celebrity sightings are present, and an abundance of zombies have taken over the Doritos contest. On January 5, the big wait will be over and voting will begin. For now, you can view our entry, Protect Your Doritos, as well as the 4,046 other entries! [*be sure to click 'skip intro' in the bottom right of the page to bypass]

Stay tuned for our predictions on the Top 6.

the raddddddddddddest homemade frame top tank vespa soo sick i love joose

a treat

treatin out of course

a treat

blk blk the other gang i’m in if they let me

super busted ridin a tomos with a biturbo ohh,, backpack loaded with treats

we don’t have these treats in sf

me n my love walla n a customer at my other store, no. we have the only 8 track label in the world, yep.

a treat n miyagi san

as always layin in the dirt

thanks to everyone for all the funtimes in austin, it was rad getting to meet all sorts a new buddies yay

Yep, the latest addition to the Gourmet Doritos line has arrived: Corn Soup flavor. And they taste exactly like corn soup, which makes them super yummy since I love corn soup! Jen also enjoyed them. This bag is definitely worth buying again. Thumbs up!

Faulty beams of fluorescent light

Shine upon the moonbeam corporations

And the red lights of braking commuters

Burn through the dark entrails

Of the never-ending freeway.

Walmarts, In and Outs, Applebees,

Valeros and Shells and I sit,

Encased in a mean, lean Greyhound machine,

The squealing of its worn brakes

Lulls me to sleep on my rock-hard pillow

Of evergreen freshness.

We who travel at the hour at which I travel

Are lost souls bent on making one long journey

To a hopeful tomorrow.

People get lost on nights like this:

Insomnious circumlocutory time.

And through the haze we realize we

Have had one bag of Doritos too many.

This land wears its people

Like a rag-tag mish-mash

Of hopes and dreams unrealized

And one promise too many.

People are the products of this society—

The seedy underbelly clinging to a bloated beast

The grunge upon our streets

Within their hair

And a tread mark riding on every hip,

How dare the top marshals sing

That we be the land of the brave

And the free

Whilst so many are encumbered by

Their very un-freedom in the face of

Economics.

part of an ongoing series of columns I’ve written, reprinted from the TU Rambler.

November, 2009.
This week, let’s talk about food.  Most “go green how-to” articles will tell you to shop locally at farmer’s markets, to choose organic, pesticide-free produce, and eat ethically-raised, free-range meat.  This is fine, but for a poor college student, it’s Expensive!  Yes, pesticides in food are bad, but I believe that what are even worse are the foods and drinks which are essentially nothing but chemicals.  Don’t even get me started on corn syrup.  Have you looked at an ingredients list recently?  A box of my roommate’s chicken-flavored pasta and rice has almost the same things in it as a pouch of instant vegetable soup.  What the heck are thiamine mononirate or disodium inosinate or maltodextrin?  The reason these exist is preservation: our current industrial food system means that food packaged in California might be shipped to Maine, where it may sit on the shelf for months; the mysterious additives ensure a long shelf-life.

As an Anthropology student, I’ve a whole lot of my time at Transy talking about pre-agricultural societies.  And I’ve come to the conclusion that humans have never been healthier than we were about 20 or 30,000 years ago.  After that, we discovered agriculture, and it all starts to go downhill.  You see, back in our good ol’ hunter-gatherer days, our diet was varied, we got plenty of exercise, and we sure weren’t eating corn or bread.  Take a look at The Food Pyramid (the 1992 one most of us grew up with, the one with horizontal layers, not that weird new one where everything radiates from the top).  According to it, the foundation of our diet should be “6-11 servings of bread, cereal, rice, and pasta”: these didn’t exist until humans settled down, started farming, and built cities.  The switch to agriculture led to nutrient deficiency and modern diseases like diabetes, heart disease, and obesity (not to mention social stratification, organized religion, and state warfare).

So what can you do?  I’m not saying that you should immediately revert to a hunter-gatherer diet (but if you want to try, get ahold of me and we’ll talk), and I’m definitely not advocating the status-quo diet of soda and Doritos.  But start small—cut out the Twinkies and Gatorade.  Try eating in the style of our ancestors, snacking on fruits, nuts and berries throughout the day, with one big, varied supper at night.  Fiber and meat are great; a bit of dairy (another post-agriculture invention) now and then is good; even Ramen is fine, but pitch the flavor packet and throw the noodles in a hearty stew of meats and vegetables.

There’s a very different way of thinking that comes along with a healthy hundred thousand-year old way of eating.  You start to feel more HUMAN.

Last year my entry to the 21 Film Contest didn’t get in. This year, it was one of the 20 finalists to be screened at the red carpet event, but didn’t win any prizes.

I was a bit bummed, but now I have been cheered up.

Last month I found out that my “Joint Efforts” video helped win our group a $25,000 grand prize! Here is the original blog with info on the contest. Here’s the video:

Before I won this contest, fellow silly-maker Jay Albright asked me to act in a spot he was directing. The spot is an entry for the Doritos Crash the Super Bowl contest, and we filmed with the amazing Red One camera. If you didn’t know, Steven Soderberg uses it. Pretty sweet!

Here’s the animatic that Jay made:

Here’s a behind-the-scenes featurette I did:

And here’s the link to the actual video! Note: the site takes a while to load, and you can skip the intro to get straight to our entry.

Now that I have a taste of winning, I am eager for more and have wasted no time entering some contests.  It’s fun, and maybe I’ll win some more money!

I wanted to write and let you all know what’s been happening in the past few weeks with my career, as I’ve been shifting gears very quickly as fall changes to winter! Plus, I have a special event coming up the first weekend of December that I’d like to let you all know about.

The third weekend of October, I opened and closed “LORE” with Deviated Theatre at my alma mater, UMBC. I had been working and rehearsing non-stop through most of September and October, so I did not get the show announcement out as timely as I’d hoped, but regardless, we had a wonderful audience all three nights; I believe Friday we may have been at 80% capacity, Saturday was possibly sold-out and I know Sunday we over-sold-out! The show itself had evolved since it’s run in June ‘09 and was like an entirely new experience with new moments as well as new cast members.

I spent a day shooting two 30-second commercials for the Doritos “Crash the Superbowl” contest in late October. The winner of the contest gets their Doritos commercial shown during the Superbowl. Viewer voting doesn’t begin until January 5, 2009, but if you’d like to check out the commercials themselves, they can be found at the following links, since garnering views and some positive comments certainly can’t hurt our chances!

(Please feel free to skip through the flash intro as it will take you directly to the video)

“Roommates:”
http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/video/3209

“Chip Fumble:”
http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/video/3324

Up next for me is Deviated Theatre’s first annual fundraising event called the “Storyteller’s Gala:”

[The Gala will] be held at American Dance Institute on December 4th and 5th, 2009. The GALA will include highlights from several of Kimmie Dobbs Chan and Enoch Chans’ stories: Aspiro-step into curiosity and LORE‐ A MYSTERY AWAITS, as well as an exciting new version of their 30 minute short TOKEN-the stakes are altered, and a preview of an entirely new piece entitled SWAY. Silent auction, games, and prizes accompany the performances, along with a strolling violinist, life-size cutouts of the Chans’ original and
adapted characters, a full gallery display of Enoch Chan’s photography, food and wine.

(((By the way, the items we’ve collected for the gala auction range from chic dinnerware and restaurant gift cards to high-end makeup kits and museum tickets; so be sure to come and check out the auction!)))

Friday December 4th: Gala party 7-10pm, with a performance at 8:00 pm
Saturday December 5th: Gala party from 5-10 pm, with performances at both 5:30 pm and 8:30 pm.

Tickets can be ordered by calling 301-984-3003 or by downloading a ticket order form from http://www.deviatedtheatre.org

Until November 20th: $25 general admission, $15 students.
November 21st and after: $32 general admission, $15 students.

Dress is semi‐formal.

You can also find DEVIATED THEATRE’S Storyteller’s GALA on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=174816693727&ref=ts

Take care, and hope to see some of you at the gala in a few weeks!

-Vaness.
www.vanessastrickland.net

- One month ago: one pass from a win over Southern Cal. Today: complaining about cheap shots from Navy. How the mediocre have fallen.

- Last night’s Volunteer Prius crime spree has prompted a name change to college football’s most prestigious off-season award. EDSBS’ Orson Swindle has announced that . . .

The Fulmer Cup is now “The Tostitos Fulmer Cup, Sponsored By Lane Kiffin and Cash Money Records.”

Just a guess, but we think Phil Fulmer is more of a Doritos kind of guy.

- And finally . . .  CAT FIGHT!!

Check out these three Doritos commercials that I designed for the Doritos Super Bowl competition with Conker All. I am really pleased with how they came out.

Intruders
Dir: Hank Friedmann

T-Shirt Cannon
Dir: Jesse Fleece

Don’t Feed The Birds
Dir: Jesse Fleece

"Connie, forget building a Hilton on the moon. What about the constellation Ursa Major?" (Image courtesy AMCTV)

Like a lot of you, I recently watched the season finale of AMC’s “Mad Men,” the absolute best television show in which nothing actually happens. I got to wondering what a modern day Don Draper might apply himself to (aside from, obviously, sleeping around, drinking and smoking). Perhaps he’d use cutting-edge science for the good of advertising? Consider these two real-life possibilities. Each takes high-tech science and uses it to shill a product.

The pitch: Put corporate branding on individual cereal flakes
The goal: Tell competitors that if they want to compete with the big boys, they better get their own food laser.
The basics: All right, so the problem is sort of understandable. Kellogg makes corn flakes, but the company wants it to be absolutely clear that it’s not responsible for any of the cereal lookalikes out there — you know, like the giant sacks you find at the wholesale stores with pained and unfamiliar-looking cartoon mascots on them. Kellogg’s solution, however, comes off a little crazy. Will this lead to a day when Oscar Mayer hot dogs sing the corporate jingle with each bite? (source: The Telegraph)

The pitch: Advertise Doritos on distant worlds
The goal: Help astronomers pay the bills while scoring some added publicity.
The basics: Want to expand into new markets? How about an exoplanet 42 light-years away from Earth? Well, in 2008, British astronomers were hurting for funding, and Doritos decided to purchase some unprecedented ad time. The chip maker  even invited the public to submit 30-second adverts. Of course, Earth constantly pumps its annoying TV and radio advertisements out into space, but this marked the first time we aimed one specifically at another world. It transmitted from the EISCAT Space Centre in Svalbard, Norway, on June 12, 2008. As yet, no alien civilizations have arrived to get their appendages on our spicy flavored tortilla chips. (source:  Daily Mail)

So what do you think? Do you see Don Draper masterminding either of these, or do you see him as more of a “beam my ads directly into their skulls” sort of guy? Or would he just slap a Flash ad directly over Amanda Arnold and Scott Benjamin’s heads?

Enjoy a dark, manly mixed drink at HowStuffWorks.com:
Advertising Quiz
8 Groovy Fads of the 60s
Can companies beam advertisements into my brain?
What’s going into Norway’s ‘doomsday vault?’
When do TV commercials need to use disclaimers?
How Marketing Plans Work
How Web Advertising Works

So just under a week away from 140 Character Conference London. Which I am thoroughly looking forward to.

Joining me on the brand panel at around 12PMish will be Rachel Fellows, Corp. Comms director at Kelloggs – you can find her on twitter @KelloggsUK. I also have the privaledge of welcoming Mike Matherson (@mikemath), CEO of Cake Group to the stage and Mauricio Samayoa from wearesocial to join the panel aswell.

For those of you who haven’t yet signed up to come along you can get a 50% discount with my “friend of speaker” code, click here to use it.

Thank you to all of you who contributed your suggestions, in particular @jangles and @brynmorgan.

As a result check out:

@nectar

@jamesoncultfilm

@magnersuk

@innocentdrinks

@britishairways

@virgintrains

@guitarherouk

@doritosuk

and

@waterstones – all as a good starting point!

If you have any questions for the panel don’t forget to DM me or submit a comment here!

And finally for those who missed it check out http://london.140conf.com/schedule for the full line up!

On Monday we uploaded our commercial to the 2009 Doritos Crash the Super Bowl contest. Click here to see it. To bypass the opening, click the ‘Skip Intro’ button in the bottom right corner. After you’ve checked out the spot, here’s a few behind-the-scene pics from our Doritos shoot.

Ontem assisti o primeiro episódio da nova série da Universal The Good Wilfe- pelo direito de recomeçar-, ADOREI, ganhei uma heroina , Alicia, uma mulher inspiradora.

 Após o episódio conversava com minha filha sobre a necessidade de seguir em frente, seja lá o que for que tenha acontecido, seja qual for a dor ou a perda, devemos seguir em frente…seguir sempre em frente!!!!

Bom, minha nova amiga, deu algumas dicas ou toques neste primeiro episódio e vou acrescentar mais alguns, afinal sou uma sobrevivente, sofri uma grande perda ou pior uma gigantesca decepção.

Logo após o acontecido parece impossível seguir em frente, a única coisa que nos parece possível é ficar na cama coberta até a cabeça, em alguns momentos saimos do casulo para “matar” um pote de sorvete ou um chocolate.

Lá vão os TOKS :

Saia da cama, todos os dias, mesmo nos primeiros, tome um banho e dê uma volta no jardim, olhe pela janela, veja o sol.

Se arrume diariamente, lave bem os cabelos e nunca deixe a raiz branca aparecer, nunca, jamais, preste atenção neste detalhe, ele faz toda a diferença. Faça uma maquiagem bem feita, a dica é que ela seja suave, mas, vale uma valorizada nos olhos, faça isso por você e se olhe no espelho e veja sua graça, sua beleza única.

Vá a academia. Eu sei, eu sei ,que tem dias que até pra colocar a roupa de ginástica doi, você  puxa a calça de lycra e ela parece que não desliza, ela desistiu dessa coisa de malhar, bom, ou seja forte o suficiente para enfrentar esta danada desta calça ou pegue aquela gostosa calça folgada de algodão, perfeita para as aulas de ioga e vá, o importante é ir!!!!! Se não conseguir malhar nos primeiros dias, tudo bem, converse com as pessoas, tome um suco, dê risada. O importante é sair de casa e criar o hábito de ir malhar.

Converse com as pessoas, mas, preste atenção, conversar não é desabafar. Não saia contando seus problemas para todas as pessoas que você encontrar, não fique o tempo todo falando do ocorrido, de como você se sente e que seu mundo desmoronou. Até por que seu mundo se abalou e não desmoronou!

Preste atenção, conversar sobre o assunto pode ajudar muito,mas, faça isso na intimidade, não na fila da padaria e tente com todas as suas forças falar sobre outras coisas, isso ajuda muito a você e a seus amigos que com certeza em alguns momentos prefeririam dividir um Doritos a continuar a ouvir a ladainha interminável. Eu sei,por que, tiveram momentos que nem eu me aguentava, é melhor dividir o Doritos ou mudar de assunto.

Chame uma amiga para tomar um café e use uma roupa que você gosta muito, uma roupa que te faça se sentir poderosa, vencedora. Você sabe exatamente de qual roupa estou falando, todas nós temos pelo menos uma roupa dessas no armário. Nós mulheres conhecemos o poder transformador que um look certo tem.  Lembra da Gata Borralheira e da Cinderela? A diferença é que hoje nós somos nossas próprias fadas madrinhas e o poder transformador está am nossas mãos.

Outra coisa que pode ajudar muito é comprar uma bolsa nova, mas, uma bolsa poderosa, que deixe você com ar de vencedora. Uma bela bolsa tem o mesmo efeito que uma joia. Acredite!

Passar uma tarde na sua livraria favorita e comprar alguns bons livro também pode ajudar, principalmente se você  for  como eu e adorar se acomodar em uma deliciosa poltrona e ler até os olhos cansarem…é uma delícia e o tempo passa de forma possitiva, construtiva.

Rezar sempre ajuda, eu rezo muito. Peça por serenidade e paciência e tente ficar calma no mínimo isso vai evitar que você faça alguma bobagem ou pior, pague algum grande mico.

Se a dor vai passar? Não sei, mas, com certeza você vai primeiro se acostumar a ela e depois arrumar um lugar  onde ela incomode pouco, e um dia, ela vai se parecer mais com uma crise de gases que com o fim do mundo!

Não se esqueça que todos temos o direito de recomeçar, mas aqueles que sofreram a do,r tem muito mais direito do que aqueles que a causaram. Acredite, isso não é apenas a minha opinião, isso é sagrado!

An amateur Super Bowl Ad entry takes the air out of Balloon Boy. Ok, I’ve run out of clever balloon puns so here it is.

Não sei se vocês conhecem, mas no ano passado a marca Doritos, lançou um jogo de terror MUITO BOM, chamado Hotel 626. Basicamente é um jogo interativo onde você utiliza webcam e microfone e vai seguindo as pistas para escapar do hotel mal assombrado. Os gráficos são geniais, e MUITO bem feitos, e o jogo só pode ser jogado das 18h as 6h da manhã (mas é só mudar o horário do relógio do pc hahaha)

Agora foi lançado a “continuação” do jogo que se chama Asylum 626, que segue a mesma linha do hotel, com webcam e sons, a diferença é que agora possui integração com o Facebook e o Twitter. E claro, o jogo dá mais sustos ainda…Durante o jogo , se você aceitar fazer a conexão com o Facebook, ele usa nomes e imagens de amigos, vale a pena jogar!