Crítica de Cinema – Texto publicado originalmente em A ARCA, em 08/06/2005.

Numa época em que somos forçados a engolir fitas cada vez mais ofensivas até mesmo no cinema de entretenimento, que deveria ser descompromissado por obrigação, chega a ser empolgante ver trabalhos como este Sr. & Sra. Smith (Mr. & Mrs. Smith, 2005) estourando por aí. Não que haja algo genuinamente especial nesta comédia de ação protagonizada por Brad Pitt (Doze Homens e Outro Segredo) e Angelina Jolie (Alexandre). Falando o português claro, a produção segue à risca a cartilha dos filmes-pipoca estadunidenses, linha por linha, ponto por ponto. Se você leu a sinopse, já tem uma idéia de como o negócio se desenrolará. Se assistiu ao trailer, então, pode contar que será capaz de adivinhar o filme inteiro. Isto é bom ou ruim? Neste caso específico, é muito bom.

O que o torna tão especial, contudo, é que Sr. & Sra. Smith cumpre o que promete com louvor. É engraçado, movimentado, prende a atenção do começo ao fim e dá aquela sensação de dinheiro bem gasto ao final da sessão. E ainda comprova pelo menos três teses: a) um filme não precisa necessariamente ofender a inteligência do público apenas por ser uma diversão rasteira, b) clichês podem ser usados numa boa, desde que sejam BEM usados, e c) um cineasta independente cultuado e cheio de estilo próprio não precisa obrigatoriamente perder sua identidade ao realizar um trabalho dentro do esquemão hollywoodiano.

Tudo bem que Doug Liman, que estourou no circuito indie com o bacana Swingers: Curtindo a Noite (inexplicavelmente inédito em DVD no Brasil) e o já clássico Vamos Nessa, já provou com o ótimo A Identidade Bourne que rala numa boa em Hollywood sem se render aos caprichos dos executivos dos estúdios. Com Sr. & Sra. Smith, a coisa não é diferente. O próprio enredo denuncia que a película existe com o único intuito de divertir. A história é a mais simples possível. Mas muito bem sucedida em sua realização.

Vamos à história: o engenheiro John Smith (Pitt) e a analista de finanças Jane Smith (Jolie) são casados há cinco anos. Ou melhor, seis. Ela jura que é seis, mas ele defende que é cinco. Ambos são ricos, têm empregos invejáveis, uma casa ducacete e um casamento perfeito. Bem, quase perfeito. A convivência anda difícil, o relacionamento está um marasmo e eles mal conversam. Só para se ter uma idéia, o casal sequer lembra qual foi a última vez que fizeram sexo… Para tentar resolver a questão, John e Jane freqüentam até terapia de casal, mas parece que nem pra isso os dois têm saco – a cena de abertura, uma homenagem explícita às “conversas com a câmera” da comédia Harry & Sally, Feitos Um Para o Outro, conta com diálogos muito legais.

Só que John e Jane escondem um segredo: ambos são perigosos assassinos profissionais. Além de o Sr. Smith nem desconfiar do verdadeiro “emprego” da Sra. Smith e vice-versa, as organizações para o qual trabalham são inimigas mortais. Quando surge na parada um misterioso jovem chamado Benjamin Danz (Adam Brody, o Seth do seriado The O.C.), desejado pelas duas “empresas” competidoras por motivos obscuros, John e Jane recebem a mesma ordem ingrata: ambos têm 48 horas para matar um ao outro! É aí que a pancadaria começa: apesar de inicialmente resistir à tarefa, uma série de erros acontece e John acredita que Jane realmente quer vê-lo morto, o que faz com que o cara parta para o quebra-pau. A Sra. Smith, por sua vez, se defenderá como pode. Enquanto usa dos mais ardilosos truques para dar cabo da raça um do outro, o casal acaba, meio que sem querer, redescobrindo o amor e reacendendo a paixão.

História simples, sim. Mas muito bem executada: o roteiro escrito por Simon Kinberg – que também escreveu o script de X3 – é coerente e conta com bons diálogos; a trama é recheada de clichês tão bem encaixados na estrutura do roteiro que sequer atrapalham; a trilha composta por John Powell é divertidíssima; e as cenas de ação são muito bem filmadas, em especial a seqüência em que o casal Smith se enfrenta em sua residência. Cena, aliás, que lembra bastante a “batalha” entre Michael Douglas e Kathleen Turner no bacanésimo e pouco visto A Guerra dos Roses.

Outro ponto positivo é a escolha do elenco. Tanto Pitt (vide Tróia) quanto Jolie (vide a cinessérie Tomb Raider) já deram provas suficientes de que dão conta do recado quando o gênero é ação. E a química entre os dois funciona que é uma beleza. Funciona até demais: os dois parecem realmente estar apaixonados. Dá pra entender porque a ex-senhora Pitt, a deusa Jennifer Aniston, não gostou nada desta história. Hehehe! Brincadeiras à parte, devo alertar aos babões de plantão que Angelina Jolie está mais sensual do que nunca. Recomendo inclusive que os mais afoitos assistam Sr. & Sra. Smith na presença de um cardiologista ou algo parecido. O El Cid já acionou seu plano de saúde.

Entretanto, quem rouba mesmo o show é Brad Pitt. É o primeiro trabalho desde Clube da Luta em que o ator está visivelmente à vontade. Além de carismático, Pitt capricha na caracterização do assassino profissional com gostos patéticos e aboslutamente normais, e aproveita-se disto para entregar algumas piadas geniais: só a seqüência em que Jane descobre, no meio de uma tensa e alucinante perseguição automobilística, que John é fã da bandinha-chiclete Air Supply, já vale o ingresso! Imaginem uma figura como esta cantarolando Making Love Out of Nothing At All enquanto elimina alguns concorrentes… Por outro lado, o micro-personagem de Vince Vaughn, o melhor amigo e colega de trabalho do sr. Smith, parece estar meio perdido. Isto quando aparece em cena! Um defeito menor que, pra ser sincero, nem me incomodou, visto que estava ocupado demais me divertindo com o filme.

Pra resumir: Sr. & Sra. Smith é, como eu esperava, uma das produções mais seguras do ano, perfeita para embalar uma sessão com os amigos. Seria ótimo se os estúdios investissem em mais fitas sem compromisso como esta. E a Angelina Jolie é um mulherão. Mas eu ainda prefiro a Jennifer Aniston. Ok, eu sou suspeito pra falar. Ah, e o mais importante: onde eu arrumo uma camiseta igual a do Adam Brody?

CURIOSIDADES:

• Originalmente, o papel da Sra. Smith seria de Nicole Kidman, que não se mostrou muito interessada em participar do projeto. Pois é, ela deve ter preferido ficar parada durante meia hora naquele filmaço chamado Reencarnação…

• Outra atriz que quase ficou com o papel foi a estupenda Catherine Zeta-Jones. Hmm, essa eu aprovo!

• Quando Nicole Kidman desistiu do papel, Brad Pitt também pulou fora. Johnny Depp e Will Smith chegaram a ser cogitados para assumir o personagem Sr. Smith. Quando Angelina Jolie assinou contrato com a Fox para protagonizar a fita, Pitt voltou atrás.

• Diz a lenda que a montagem inicial de Sr. & Sra. Smith é recheada de cenas, digamos, “picantes”. Quase todas ficaram no chão da sala de montagem, para que a produção não fosse massacrada pela MPAA e não ganhasse a temida classificação NC-17. Para quem não sabe, NC-17 é a ferradaça classificação indicativa que proíbe rigorosamente a entrada a menores de 18 anos, mesmo acompanhado dos pais. Bem, o jeito é esperar pra ver se Doug Liman incluirá estas cenas o DVD. Imagina o El Cid enfartando ao ver isso…

• Tá bom, eu confesso: eu também curto as músicas do Air Supply!

MR. & MRS. SMITH • EUA • 2005
Direção de Doug Liman • Roteiro de Simon Kinberg
Elenco: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn, Adam Brody, Kerry Washington, Michelle Monaghan, Jennifer Morrison, Angela Bassett, William Fichtner.
120 min. • Distribuição: 20th Century Fox.

Berlin, 45°degrees, overcast and rain. The best thing to do on this sunday morning is listening to some inspiring and entertaining stories. Here is a great destination…

…the Moth is a group that promotes live storytelling. It’s based in New York but occasionally sponsors events in other U.S. cities. Anyone can go to a “StorySlam” and get on the program. The best of the storytellers appear at mainstage events, where they are often joined by well-known names (such as Malcolm Gladwell). Listen to some Moth storytellers here: http://www.themoth.org/listen

I recommend starting with Alan Rabinowitz

http://www.themoth.org

http://www.themoth.org/listen

“Hi, this is Nikki – leave a message.<beep>”

A boy, a girl and an answering machine. A lethal combination, as Mike (played by Jon Favreau, who also wrote the script) discovers in this outstanding scene from director Doug Liman’s 1996 comedy, Swingers.

Hi,

     Jason Bourne movie series (The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum) is one of the popular movie series. When you talk about Jason Bourne, how can you forget Matt Damon (and my favorite one)? Matt Damon acted (and fitted) perfectly as Jason character. He did amazing acting in all 3 movies and has signed-up with Paul Greengrass for fourth part. 

     Why suddenly Jason Bourne? Right? Hmmm.. Yesterday I was watching The Bourne Ultimatum on HBO (If you missed or still not watch, then watch it. They broadcasting all 3 movies in repetitive manner) and search on Google (I have internet on my hand and so Google is best option to know anything…right?) and I found lots of interesting things about Jason Bourne Character.

   All Bourne movies are loosely based (or you can say inspired) on Bourne Series Novel. Robert Ludlum was creator of Jason Bourne, A Fictional Character. The character has been in 8 Bourne series novel. However first 3 novels are written by Robert Ludlum and later 5 novels are written by Eric Van Lustbader (with permission from the estate of Robert Ludlum).

Jason Bourne Series Novels (Click on Image to know more about Novel)

Robert Ludlum novels
- The Bourne Identity(1980) - Robert Ludlum	The Bourne Supremacy(1986) - Robert Ludlum
The Bourne Ultimatum (1990) - Robert Ludlum

Eric Van Lustbader novels
The Bourne Legacy (2004) - Eric Van Lustbader	The Bourne Betrayal (2007) - Eric Van Lustbader
The Bourne Sanction (2008) - Eric Van Lustbader	The Bourne Deception (2009) - Eric Van Lustbader
UpComing Novel -The Bourne Objective

The Bourne Identity (2002)	The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

Extra Details

- Before Matt Damon’s Borne Series, The Bourn Identity (A television film) was produced in 1988 with Richard Chamberlain as Jason.

- Robert Ludlum’s The Bourne Conspiracy is video game based on Bourne Series novel.

!!! Rock On !!!

Si le terme de “bro-mance” (soit une romance mais entre bro’, ce qui signifie potes, frères) est apparu récemment avec des films comme I Love You Man, on peut déjà trouver des exemples de comédies bromantiques dans les années 90. C’est le cas de Swingers, réalisé par Doug Liman en 1996.

Derrière ce film qui dresse une liste de l’attirail du mâle alpha (whisky, pizza, voiture décapotable, jeux vidéo, poker) et parle directement à celui-ci en citant comme références Tarantino et Scorsese, se cache une véritable comédie romantique et tout ce que cela inclut. Une déception amoureuse, la dépression, l’amitié en renfort, le coup de foudre, l’espoir retrouvé.

Comme quoi, il n’y a pas que les filles qui ont le droit aux films à l’eau de rose. Celui-ci est un classique du genre. Le scénario signé Jon Favreau sent le vécu de ces années passées à la recherche de petits rôles. On suit sa joyeuse bande dans les bars, on boit avec eux, drague avec eux et on repart bredouille avec eux.

Il s’agit aussi d’un des tout premiers rôles de l’excellent Vince Vaughn. Les autres se sont malheureusement perdus en chemin. Le réalisateur Doug Liman a réalisé Mr et Mrs Smith tandis que Favreau, le scénariste et acteur principal, est devenu l’homme derrière Iron Man.

Les fans de Swingers sont nombreux, il n’y a qu’à jeter un œil sur les forums américains et sur Youtube. Les expressions “You’re so money !” ou “Vegas baby, Vegas !” son devenues cultes. Une tentative de suite réalisée par Jon Favreau en 2001 (Made) avait lamentablement échoué avec une apparition du rappeur P. Diddy en prime.

PS : Si vous suivez “How I Met Your Mother” et que vous ne connaissez pas ce film (bouh!), procurez-vous en une copie sur le champ !

By Borys Kit – Hollywood Reporter

 Guy Ritchie has signed on to direct his first superhero movie, “Lobo,” a big-screen translation of the DC Comics antihero.

Lobo is an blue-skinned cigar-chomping alien who is an interstellar mercenary and bounty hunter. The character is one of DC’s more recent creations. He was introduced in the 1980s by creators Roger Slifer and Keith Giffen, and for a brief run in the 1990s was one of comicdom’s most popular characters.

Lobo was meant to serve as a parody of violent heroes such as Wolverine and the Punisher. His stories feature a nihilistic streak tinged with dark comedy and excessive violence.

Silver Pictures is co-producing the Warners production with Weed Road. Joel Silver, Akiva Goldsman, and Andrew Rona are producing. Don Payne wrote the script.

Doug Liman previously was attached to direct the film. Silver, who has been developing the project for the past 10 years, was hoping to reunite with Ritchie, with whom he just wrapped “Sherlock Holmes.”

Ritchie — whose films include “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels,” “RocknRolla” and “Swept Away,” which starred his wife at the time, Madonna — also plans to direct “The Gamekeeper,” based on the Virgin Comics title.

Amazon Specials!

Pulp Fiction was released in 1994 and for several years thereafter, the hugely influential art-house smash spawned several imitators.   Most of these attempts to replicate the heat of Pulp Fiction fell flat.  But, one film that came out five years later was actually well reviewed and deserved the acclaim and small success that it achieved.

97.  Go

The original one-sheet

Go was, of course, Doug Liman’s followup to his hip critical darling Swingers and boy was it good.  Now, I’m not going to say that there is absolutely NO likeness to Pulp Fiction.  I’ll concede to these three similarities:

-It has a nonlinear circular chronology.

-It has a kickass soundtrack (Len’s “Steal My Sunshine” being especially memorable).

-Sarah Polley is kind of like a miniature version of Uma Thurman.

But, it’s not like Tarantino invented interesting story structure, good music, or even Uma Thurma for that matter. The main issue here is the way the story unfolds.  But, just because they use a similar, out of chronological order and overlapping storytelling device, doesn’t mean Go is a plagiarized work.     This type of story telling is also sometimes described as circular narrative and has been around for ages.  Here, an article from Plots Inc. argues that the nonlinear film dates back to D.W. Griffith’s Intolerance (1916).  It’s a good article and well worth checking out if you are into dissecting screenplays:  Plots Inc.

At best, I’d argue that Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction served as a reminder that storytelling doesn’t have to be so straightforward and that tinkering around with the structure can be highly rewarding.

However, unlike many of the films that spun out of Tarantino-appreciation, the comparisons for Go were mostly favorable, with Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times reviewing: “[Go] is an entertaining, clever black comedy that takes place entirely in Tarantino-land.”

The film has more qualities than just being the best of the Pulp Fiction-a-likes though.  Let’s take a look at the trailer for the film before we discuss anything further:

Looking at this trailer again, I feel it’s not the best advertisement for the film.  Keeping in mind this is ten years old, it still feels like the tone of this trailer is super-dated.  It screams “Crazy stuff is going to happen in this film.  You’re in for a wild wild ride, man!”–which I think is so overdone in modern films.  Every comedy nowadays promises to be a zanier one than the last.  Those promises have been pitched to us soooo many times since 1999 that this trailer now looks almost like a parody of the crime-comedy genre.  But, trust me, the product is worthy.

The cast, entirely perfect for this film, was made up primarily of character actors and young television stars.  No face was too unknown and that shows confidence in the script and direction.  Here’s where the retrospective part of this blog entry kicks in, let’s take a look at the people that helped make this movie so awesome and where they are now.

I'm on telly.

First up, the British actor with perhaps the best name ever:  Desmond Askew.  Brits might recognize this dude from Grange Hill.  He was a regular in that school-set drama before making his Stateside debut.  Since his high profile role in Go, he’s appeared in several American television shows like Roswell, Charmed, and–just to prove that they’re not all properties of WB– Las Vegas.  In film, he’s played the horribly grotesque leader of a mutant clan in the remake of The Hills Have Eyes. He still gets work, mostly in television and straight-to-video type films.

Not related to Tom Cruise...

Alongside Katie Holmes and Melissa McCarthy, Scott Wolf helps to make this film one of the most dimple-tastic ever.  Let’s take a look at what happened after Scott, previously know for playing Bailey on Party of Five did Go. He too has done scads of television include long stints on The Nines and Everwood. Most exciting though, are his upcoming plans…he’s going to be in the new remake of V with one of my favorites from Lost–Elizabeth Mitchell.  I’m up for some of that.  This makes me wonder what Neve Campbell is doing nowadays.  I should IMDB that shit.

actually wanted to play the drug dealer...

That little tidbit on his photo is true.  Jay Mohr actually did want to play the drug dealer role in the film but was finally cast as Scott Wolf’s lover instead.  It was the right choice.  They are cute together and I love his delivery of “It’s a Miata!” in the film.  Yet again, Mohr has found loads of work in television, notably the well reviewed but short-lived Action and as the lead in the recent Gary Unmarried.  He’s also a prolific V.O. artist, lending impressions to Family Guy and other bits of animation.  He’s been a bit of a douche lately, making fun of Michelle Obama’s appearance on some radio programs.  But, whatever…it takes all kinds of funny (or unfunny in this case) to make the world go round and I still think he was pretty good in this flick.

Uma Th--I mean, Sarah Polley

Sarah Polley, has had a very interesting career arc.  She started out as the lead in the TV series that spun out of Anne of Green Gables.  She’s  since aligned herself quite visibly with the left of centre party in Canada, the New Democrats.  She’s also been hugely discriminating about what projects she takes part in, reportedly turning down the lead female role in The Bourne Identity series.  Most recently, she was Oscar nominated for writing the adaptation of Away From Her–it’s based on a short story called “The Bear Came Over The Mountain”.  She also directed the picture which, incidentally,  dealt with the onset of Alzheimer’s.  Very recently, she starred as Abigail Adams in the HBO miniseries John Adams and is due to appear alongside Adrien Brody in the sci-fi thriller Splice.

Two men..

...one voicebox

Next up is William Fichtner who played Burke, the undercover police officer in the film.  I think he’s the voice double for Will Arnett from Arrested Development.  Anyway, I’m sure you’ll recognize this guy from his trillions of film and television appearances.  My faves include his roles in Black Hawk Down, Blades of Glory, and his surprise cameo as the bank manager in The Dark Knight. Awesome.

Needs more work please...

Love-able waster Mannie was played byNathan Bexton.  Since Go wrapped, he’s mostly been known for crappy horror films.  This dude needs more work.  He’s responsible for one of my very favorite scenes in the whole picture–the grocery story e-fueled fantasty sequence.  It’s ALMOST my favorite performance in the whole film.  Let’s watch this bit and then get to my number one favorite performance in the pic.

I'm funny on purpose.

Now, my favorite performance in this whole enchilada belongs to Melissa McCarthy (yes, she is the cousin of Jenny).  Though she’s only in it for about 2 minutes, every time I watch it, she makes me laugh.  Unfortunately, I can’t find this scene on-line, but trust me–you’ll know it when you see it.  She opens the door for both Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr in one scene…

Coincidentally, she also had a long stint on The Nines.  Other high profile appearances include work on The Gilmore Girls and Samantha Who?

What a movie.  I don’t think I could ever feel the same way about 2 Days in the Valley.

On a whim me and a friend decided to watch “The Bourne Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum” films. Here’s the rundown:

“The Bourne Identity” – Matt Damon stars as the main character, Jason Bourne, a spy found lying facedown in the ocean with two bullets in his back. When he awakes he has amnesia and must piece together who he is and/or was. His one clue to the past is a deposit box which has multiple passports, money, and a gun. This tips off the CIA who are looking for Bourne namely Conklin (Chris Cooper) who sent Bourne on a secret assassination mission that has blown-up in the CIA’s face and brought questioning by another person in-the-know, Ward Abbott (Brian Cox). Bourne enlists the help of Maria (Franka Potente) whom he pays $20,000 to take him to Paris where he hopes to find out more about Project Treadstone.

In Retrospect: I remember watching this movie and loving it, hyping myself up for the sequel. Looking back, it’s still a good movie but I don’t love it as much. At the time it came out (2002) it preceded the final Austin Powers movies as well as the last Pierce Brosnan “James Bond” movie, and this was a welcome change. Both franchises had run their course and Jason Bourne was a spy who didn’t really on gadgets or one-liners; the man could disarm and disable you in three seconds using only his thumb. It was new, fresh, innovative, and action-oriented WITH a story. Doug Liman directed the first film entry in the series and I’ll give him credit for what he did, but it does seem to pale against its sequels (and imitators).

“The Bourne Supremacy” – Classified Russian documents are stolen when a CIA operation is botched and Jason Bourne is framed. On the other side of the globe Bourne is living in India with Maria when he’s spotted and during the ensuing chase, Maria is killed. Bourne returns stateside to find out why he’s being hunted down. Memories of a secret mission that wasn’t part of Treadstone return in bits and pieces and he soon goes to Moscow, returning to the scene of the crime and confronting the hitman initially sent to kill him as well as apologizing to the daughter of the couple whom he assassinated. This time around he’s being tracked down by Pamela Landy (Joan Allen).

In Retrospect: I liked this movie as much as “Bourne Identity” when it came out, citing the fact that the extra car chase was “the cherry on top of an already good movie.” Re-watching it, I liked it even more than the first. Sure, the camerawork during the fight scenes can get a little crazy or choppy, but overall it kept a cohesive story amid all the chaos.

“The Bourne Ultimatum” – A journalist for the UK paper The Guardian (Paddy Considine) has found out about Jason Bourne and is trying to expose him, along with information on a Top Secret project called Black Briar. Bourne has to get to the bottom of things and runs into Nicky Parsons (Julia Stiles) who happens to be working for the guy trying to sell the CIA secrets. Meanwhile, back at the ranch (CIA), Noah Vosen (David Strathairn) is honing in on the journalist when Bourne comes into the picture. Landy is sent in to help him with Bourne and, just in case, to be a scapegoat. Bourne must clear his name while trying to find out more information on Black Briar.

In Retrospect: I had such high hopes for this movie before I saw it in theatres. After watching it I wasn’t so much nauseous (major shaky-cam) as much as let down. It felt like an amalgamation of the other two Bourne films.

And I was partially right.

I’m reminded of a quote John Carpenter said about sequels which went something to the effect of people want the same movie over again. Sitting back and watching the other two Greengrass, as well as scriptwriters Scott Z. Burns and George Nolfi, seemed to look at “The Bourne Identity” and say, “We can just use THIS script again!” Replace Chris Cooper with David Stathairn, Brian Cox with Albert Finney, Clive Owen with Joey Ansah, and even Franka Potente with Julia Stiles, and you have “The Bourne Identity Deux.”

And to make matters worse is the 1:20 (hrs:mins) point, where we find out that everything we’ve been watching takes place before the end of “Supremacy.” So, while Bourne was busy discovering why he was framed and avenging the death of his wife, he ALSO had time to find out about the other Black Ops Program, Black Briar. Did any of these guys think about this while it was happening, or just hope to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes? Fool me once, shame on me; I didn’t get fooled the second time.

THE WINNER: “The Bourne Supremacy.” A good blend of action-adventure with a plot and storyline.

 “The Bourne Identity” still holds, but not as well as “Supremacy.” “The Bourne Ultimatum?” More horrible than when I first watched it.

Cook, Dane — The comic recently defended a joke he made about 20 year-old High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens’ recent nude photographs by saying “You gotta keep it classy…mostly I just wanted it to be funny.” You sure are keeping it classy, Dane. Superclassy to make that joke with her in the audience, and even classier to make it at the Teen Choice Awards. Don’t drop your monocle!

Link: Dane Cook’s Vanessa Hudgens Joke at 2009 TCA (Bumpshack)

Gaga, Lady – If you’re like me, you haven’t been able to sleep at night because you’re so puzzled by the fact that Lady Gaga is suddenly walking around everywhere with a teacup. Whew! Mystery solved! Gaga claims she has given the receptacle such exposure lately because she wanted to “make a statement on fame.” That statement, obviously, is “I am an idiot.”

Link: Lady Gaga Explains Teacup Mystery (DigitalSpy)

Herman, Pee Wee – In very cool news, Paul Reubens has announced that he will once again don the grey suit and red bowtie in a limited reprise of the immortal “Pee Wee Herman Show” on stage for a limited run at Hollywood’s Fonda Theater — complete with Jambi, Magic Screen and Randy. I’m so jealous of anyone getting to see this.

Link: Pee Wee Herman Returns to Stage (Variety)

Lisa, Mona — A Russian woman, frustrated over her lack of French citizenship status, smuggled a ceramic cup into the Louvre Museum on Tuesday and hurled it at the Mona Lisa. If that’s not weird enough, the following Reuters article also details a man who punched a Monet and a woman who kissed a painting. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to knee Rembrandt’s The Nightwatch in the junk.

Link: Frustrated Russian Throws Cup at Mona Lisa (Reuters)

Liman, Doug — The Bourne Identity director was a real-world  hero after he came to the rescue of four boaters when their speedboat was crushed by a large cargo ship. The footage of Liman’s daring rescue is expected to feature fast-paced, super-shaky single camerawork and feature Julia Styles as a concert cellist unwittingly pulled into a world of intrigue as she teams with a Hollywood director to prevent a deadly boat crash.

Link: Hollywood Director in Real-life Rescue on Hudson (KVOA)

Sheen, Charlie – According to TV Guide Magazine, Charlie Sheen is the highest paid actor on television, earning a reported $825,000 per episode of Two and Half Men, which figures out to about $412,500 per viewer Sheen brings in.

Link: Charlie Sheen Best Paid Actor (The Press Association)

Okay, another top 100 list here and this time it’s movies. As usual, this is a list of my favourites which may have some random choices in it but it’s boring having every list out there the same. So without dragging this longer than it needs to, here is the top 100 films below.

WARNED: potential spoilers will appear if you haven’t seen ANY of these films.

100. ZOOLANDER

DIRECTOR: Ben Stiller

STARRING: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Christine Taylor, Milla Jovovich, Jerry Stiller & Jon Voight

FAVE QUOTE: “How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?” – Derek Zoolander

BEST MOMENT: Two words – gasoline fight!

Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) is VH1’s three time male model of the year, but when Hansel (Owen Wilson) wins the award instead. Zoolander’s world turns upside down as his male model friends die in a freakish gasoline fight accident, he decides to retire and goes back to live with his father (Jon Voight), whose dissapointed in him & what he has become. Evil fashion guru Mugato (Will Ferrell) hires Zoolander, he thinks his life has turned back round again, that is until he finds out that Mugato has actually brainwashed him to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia, he needs help from Matilda (Christine Taylor) and his rival Hansel to stop it from happening. The film was released back in 2001 and to be honest, this is a film that Ben Stiller hasn’t better acted in (though there is another film which he directed that is higher on this list). Stiller & Wilson really work well together and Ferrell is really good aswell as the evil fashion guru Mugato. Look out for random guest appearances (David Duchovny, David Bowie & Billy Zane!??). Should check it out and of course at the end, Zoolander does realise that there is more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.

99. A NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY

DIRECTOR: John Fortenberry

STARRING: Will Ferrell, Chris Katan, Dan Hedaya, Loni Anderson, Molly Shannon & Chazz Palminteri

FAVE QUOTE: “Steve, don’t hit on the bridesmaid. It’s your wedding.” – Barbara Butabi

BEST MOMENT: The dancefloor scene

 

98. COOL RUNNINGS

DIRECTOR: Jon Turteltaub

STARRING: John Candy, Malik Yoba, Doug E Doug, Leon Robinson, Rawle D Lewis & Raymond J Barry

FAVE QUOTE: “I’m freezing my royal Rastafarian nay-nays off!”- Sanka Coffie

BEST MOMENT: Crossing towards the finish line at the end…you’ll get it

  

97. GO

the movie poster DIRECTOR: Doug LimanSTARRING: Katie Holmes, Sarah Polly, Desmond Askew, Nathan Bexton, Scott Wolf, Jay Mohr, Timothy Olphant, William Fichtner & Taye DiggsFAVE QUOTE: "Wow, I didn't know we'd become such good friends, because if we had, you'd know that I give head before I give favors and I don't even give my best friends head so your chances of getting a favor are pretty fucking slim."- ToddBEST MOMENT: A naked Fichtner creeping out Jay Mohr...priceless 96. BRONSONTom Hardy as Bronson

DIRECTOR: Nicolas Winding Refn

STARRING: Tom Hardy, Matt King & Amanda Burton

FAVE QUOTE: “For most people, prison is a monotonous nightmare. But for me, it was finally a place where I could sharpen my tools, hone my skills.” – Charles Bronson

BEST MOMENT: The scene where he takes the library officer & strips naked and shouts abuse at him whilst waiting for the other guards to arrive.

95. MONSTERS INC

 

Mike & Sulley

DIRECTOR: Pete Docter

STARRING: John Goodman, Billy Crystal, Mary Gibbs, Steve Buscemi, James Coburn & Jennifer Tilly

FAVE QUOTE: “Oh, you should have seen the look on Waternoose’s face when that wall went up. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the company in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that’ll come after us when there’s no more power… but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?” – Mike

BEST MOMENT: Sulley takes Boo home. I see those tears dammit!

94. SIN CITY

 

Marv's going to war

DIRECTOR: Robert Rodriguez & Frank Miller

STARRING: Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Jessica Alba, Devon Akoi, Powers Boothe, Rosario Dawson, Beinicio Del Toro, Carla Cugino, Josh Hartnett, Clive Owen, Brittany Murphy, Michael Clarke Duncan, Jaime King, Rutger Hauer, Michael Madsen, Nick Stahl & Elijah Wood

FAVE QUOTE: “OSo, you were scared, weren’t you Goldie? Somebody wanted you dead and you knew it. Well, I’m gonna find that son of a bitch that killed you, and I’m gonna give him the hard goodbye. Walk down the right back alley in Sin City, and you can find anything.” – Marv

BEST MOMENT: Marv in the electric chair

93. THE CABLE GUY

Steven & Chip

DIRECTOR: Ben Stiller

STARRING: Jim Carrey, Matthew Broderick, Leslie Mann, Jack Black, George Segal, Diane Baker, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson & Eric Roberts

FAVE QUOTE: “Come back here, so that I may brain thee!” – Chip Douglas

BEST MOMENT: The entire Medival Times scene, especially Chip Douglas’ Kirk VS Spock Star Trek moment, utter genius!

92. THE MIST

 

Something ain't right outside

DIRECTOR: Frank Darabont

STARRING: Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden, Andre Braugher, William Sadler, David Jansen, Toby Jones, Jeffrey DeMunn, Frances Sternhagen, Nathan Gamble & Sam Witwer

FAVE QUOTE: “If you hit me again, if you dare, you’ll be on your knees to me before this is through.” – Mrs Carmody

BEST MOMENT: Almost sounds cliche saying this, but it does have an ending that will stick with you for quite sometime and fair play to Frank for sticking to his guns in doing this.

91. DONNIE DARKO

ever gone into a cinema & see a big rabbit

DIRECTOR: Richard Kelly

STARRING: Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Holmes Osborne, Daviegh Chase, Mary McDonnell, James Duval, Patrick Swayze,  Jazzie Mahannah, Jena Malone, Seth Rogen, Kristina Malota, Marina Malota, Drew Barrymore & Noah Wyle

FAVE QUOTE: “Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and… there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I’m afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I’m afraid that you’ll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.” – Donnie Darko

 

BEST MOMENT: The “Mad World” Montage at the end.

Freaky doll

DIRECTOR: James Wan

STARRING: Leigh Wannell, Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, Ken Leung, Monica Potter, Michael Emerson, Shawnee Smith & Tobin Bell

FAVE QUOTE: “Congratulations. You are still alive. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore.”- Jigsaw

BEST MOMENT: It looks like they’re going to make it….wait a minute, what the fuck? the body that’s been lying on the floor montionless all this time gets up!!! A Franchise is born.

89. PRIATES OF THE CARRIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow

DIRECTOR: Gore Verbinski

STARRING: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Kiera Knightley, Jack Davenport, Geoffrey Rush & Jonathan Pryce

FAVE QUOTE: “Me? I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly… stupid.” – Jack Sparrow

BEST MOMENT: The introduction of Jack Sparrow & the boat sinking.

 

88. BRICK

Brick

DIRECTOR: Rian Johnson

STARRING: Joesph-Gordon Levitt, Nora Zehetner, Noah Fleiss, Lukas Haas, Noah Segan & Emilie de Ravin

FAVE QUOTE: “Ask any dope rat where their junk sprang and they’ll say they scraped it from that who scored it from this who bought it off so and after four or five connections the list always ends with the Pin. But I bet you got every rat in town together and said ’show your hands’ if any of them’ve actually seen the Pin, you’d get a crowd of full pockets.” – The Brian

BEST MOMENT: The baseball slide followed by head to post moment….ouch!

 

87. THE GOONIES

The Goonies

DIRECTOR: Richard Donner

STARRING: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Jeff Cohen, Corey Feldman, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, Jonathan Ke Quan, John Matuszak, Anne Ramsey, Robert Davi & Joe Pantoliano

FAVE QUOTE: “Hey, you guys!” – Sloth

BEST MOMENT: The Truffle Shuffle, everytime or Sloth ripping his shirt to reveal the Superman one.

 

86. THE LOST BOYS

Before the Jack Bauer days

DIRECTOR: Joel Schumacher

STARRING: Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Dianne West, Barnard Hughes, Jamison Newlander, Edward Herrmann & Jami Gertz

FAVE QUOTE: “Death by Stereo.”- Sam Emerson

BEST MOMENT: The complete over the top death of the vampire in the garlic filled bath.

 

85. TRADING PLACES

Trading Places

DIRECTOR: John Landis

STARRING: Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis & Denholm Elliott

FAVE QUOTE: “Those men wanted to have sex with me.”- Louis Winthorpe III

BEST MOMENT: Louis pretends to be a  rastafarian as Billy Ray pretends to be a Cameroon exchange student in the train scene.

84. SLUMGDOG MILLIONAIRE

Slumdog Millionaire

DIRECTOR: Danny Boyle

STARRING: Dev Patel, Freida Pinto, Saurabh Shukla, Madhur Mittal & Anil Kapoor

FAVE QUOTE: “Maybe It’s Written.”- Jamal

BEST MOMENT: The train montage scene with M.I.A’s “Paper Planes” song and the moment they fall off & roll down the hill & grow older.

83. LETHAL WEAPON

Lethal Weapon

DIRECTOR: Richard Donner

STARRING: Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Mitch Ryan, Gary Busey, Tom Atkins, Darlene Love, Traci Wolfe, Ebonie Smith & Damon Hines

FAVE QUOTE: “Hey, look friend, let’s just cut the shit. Now we both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks I’m suicidal, in which case, I’m fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I’m faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I’m fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I’m fucked.”- Riggs

BEST MOMENT: The rooftop scene. Do you really wanna jump?

82. JAWS

Jaws

DIRECTOR: Steven Spielberg

STARRING: Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfuss, Lorraine Gary & Murray Hamilton

FAVE QUOTE: “You’re gonna need a bigger boat. ” – Martin Brody

BEST MOMENT: Jaws finally appears on screen.

81. 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN

40 Year Old Virgin - The waxing scene

DIRECTOR: Judd Apatow

STARRING: Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Catherine Turner, Seth Rogen, Romany Malco, Kat Dennings, Elizabeth Banks & Jane Lynch

FAVE QUOTE: “You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up. ” – Andy Stitzer

BEST MOMENT: The entire improvised “You Know How I Know You’re Gay?” scene between Paul Rudd & Seth Rogen.

80. GET SHORTY

Get Shorty

DIRECTOR: Barry Sonnenfield

STARRING: John Travolta, Gene Hackman, Danny De Vito, Rene Russo, Delroy Lindo, Jon Gries, Dennis Farina & James Gandolfini

FAVE QUOTE: “Rough business, this movie business. I’m gonna have to go back to loan-sharking just to take a rest.” – Chili Palmer

BEST MOMENT: Chili Palmer throwing Bear down the stairs…then the talk afterwards.

79. MYSTIC RIVER

Sean Penn in Mystic River

DIRECTOR: Clint Eastwood

STARRING: Sean Penn, Kevin Bacon, Tim Robbins, Laurence Fishburne, Laura Linney, Emmy Rossum & Marcia Gay Harden

FAVE QUOTE: “Sometimes I think, I think all three of us got in that car….” – Sean Devine

BEST MOMENT: Dave’s rant about vampires to his freaked out wife.

It had been suggested to Conrad Noir and Marco Sparks that they were the last two people on the face of the planet who had not seen Swingers, the 1996 Doug Liman-directed film starring Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Heather Graham, and Ron Livingston, so… they watched it. This is the excerpts from their commentary while viewing…

Conrad Noir: Wow. Jon Favreau. Look how tiny he was way back when.

Marco Sparks: Yeah, he got really big since this, didn’t he?

Conrad: Yeah, really big. Like a combination of fat big and working out/compensating big.

Marco Sparks: Also, he looks like a child molester. Big or small, he looks like he shouldn’t be allowed near a daycare.

Conrad: I’m going to confess something to you here…

Marco: Oh, this is going to be juicy…

Conrad: I actually really, really, really, really like big band music.

Marco: …

Conrad: And stuff like… Frank Sinatra? I like Frank Sinatra.

Marco: That was not a juicy tidbit.

Conrad: What did they call him?

Marco: The Chairman.

Conrad: Not The Boss?

Marco: What? No. Springsteen is The Boss. Sinatra – Ol’ Blue Eyes – was The Chairman.

Conrad: The Chairman sounds cooler. Has more prestige.

Marco: Well, I think it all goes back to The Boss’ blue collar roots.

Conrad: Either way, I like that shit. Not Springsteen, but… The Chairman. And big band music. And like jazz, too.

Marco: What a sexy fact.

Conrad: “The guy behind the guy behind the guy.” Yeah, I like that.

Marco: Yeah, that’s good. I’m going to start referring to you as that.

Conrad: Nah.

Marco: No? Why not?

Conrad: Cause… Just nah.

Conrad: When you first mentioned that you wanted to watch Swingers today I forgot about this movie and thought you meant something else entirely.

Marco: Like what? Oh, like some movie about actual swingers? Like, at a swingers’ party?

Conrad: Yeah, something more polyamorous.

Marco: Sorry, this isn’t The Ice Storm.

Conrad and Marco: KEY PARTY!

Marco: Okay, we’re like 20 minutes into this thing so far. Vince Vaughn: Money or not?

Conrad: Ehhh. Are you asking if I actually think he or his style is cool?

Marco: Yeah, sure.

Conrad: Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? His style is all geared towards getting these “beautiful babies,” right?

Marco: “Beautiful babies.” How condescending.

Conrad: Yeah, How child molester-ish. But, anyway, it doesn’t matter… his style, or whatever. It’s all kind of shallow. All that matters is if it works, it seems.

Marco: True, true. Also, I would never use the “money” slang how they do.

Conrad: How do you mean?

Marco: For example, look at what you’re wearing there. Nice shirt. Nice pants. They look costly, but in a good way. To me, that’s money. Richhhhh.

Conrad: So, in other words, “blinging?”

Marco: Yes, right. Although the bling impies that you have the physical objects of wealth hanging upon thyself, like perhaps you just returned from Jacob The Jeweler.

Conrad: What a weird reference, but I get you.

Marco: I’m just saying here: A billionaire probably dresses a lot different from me or you, right?

Conrad: Sure, though if I was rich, I’d dress however the fuck I wanted. I wouldn’t care. I’d be Hugh Hefner if I had the cash to back up telling people to fuck off.

Marco: I’d dress like a cross between The Dude and a hobo and maybe a Scottish person.

Conrad: What?!

Marco: But I digress… If I tell you that you look “so money,” and even to the point that you don’t even realize it yourself, I’m saying, that you look bling-tastic, though not necessarily because of the chain around your neck or the ice on your grill or other places. But I wouldn’t use it in reference to how good I think your skeezy 90s greaser look is or anything like that.

Marco: Hey, that girl is cute.

Conrad: Yeah, she is. Good make up.

Marco: Yeah.

Conrad: She’s a Dorothy.

Marco: A what? Oh. I get it.

Marco: No, Favreau, you scum, shut up about your ex-girlfriend!

Conrad: This has happened to me before.

Marco: Going on about an ex in front of a new girl?

Conrad: No, no, no. But me and a buddy at two girls’ house. Only, the two girls were so ghetto. And the one that was designated “mine,” well, I had nothing to talk to this girl about.

Marco: Right. So what’d you do?

Conrad: I told her I was going to the bathroom.

Marco: Uh, okay.

Conrad: Yeah, then I snuck out the window and walked home.

Marco: Wow.

Conrad: Yeah, man, that was a long walk.

Marco: Watching this reminds me of how much I like Liman’s second film, Go.

Conrad: Yeah, it’s good… Wait, what did they say that guy’s name was?

Marco: A boy named Sue? Ha ha.

Conrad: What is that? Besides a stupid name, is that a Johnny Cash thing?

Marco: Yeah. The Man In Black.

Marco: Look at this fucking hair!

Conrad: Yeah, 90s styles were not great.

Marco: And bowling shirts! Bowling shirts! Arrrghhhh!

Conrad: Arrgghhh!

Marco: Aagggrrrghhh!

(Collective groaning and griping about 90s hip fashion continues for a moment or two.)

Conrad: They just look like stupid greasers.

Marco: Emphasis on the stupid, perhaps. To me, the only place – at least now – where you should see bowling shirts is maybe in a bowling alley or at, like, a Big Lebowski festival or something.

Conrad: Ron Livingston has had such a weird career.

Marco: Yeah, seriously. Him and Doug Liman both, though Liman got a little more of what he deserved. But Livingston doesn’t look like he belongs in this time period, you know?

Conrad: Then what time period does it look like he belongs in?

Marco: Better left unexplored. I like how he gives all the good advice in this film. But this goes back to what I’ve always been saying…

Conrad: Which is?

Marco: You shouldn’t trust a guy named Trent. A “Trent” is going to be an asshole. It’s guaranteed.

Conrad: Look at this shit. You people always have that one black guy you associate with, don’t you?

Marco: Wait, “you people?”

Conrad: And in this particular case, that one black guy just happens to be that dude from Becker.

Marco: Thanks to Tarantino, this is a scene you saw in every 90s independent movie: A bunch of characters sitting around a table, usually at a diner, talking about technical aspects of a 70s movie while the camera pans around them.

Conrad: Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick!

Marco: 37 dicks!

Conrad: The 90s auteurs had some penis issues, yo.

Marco: You said it, man.

Conrad: Who is this chick? She seems familiar.

Marco: I think it’s… Brooke Langton? From Melose Place? She looks kind of like Franka Potente, right?

Conrad: Melrose Place? Oh, yeah,  yeah! I wonder if she’ll be in the new Melrose Place.

Marco: Okay, so this right here, this is the genesis of Vince Vaughn’s entire career…

Conrad: Oh? This is your exegesis on the protean career of Vince Vaughn?

Marco: Yes, but not so protean. In every film, he’s basically the kind of sleazy guy who is always giving you pep talks to do something fairly self destructive, not to much for his amusement, but just because he’s a bit off.

Conrad: Yeah, I can see that.

Marco: And the thing about Vince Vaughn is he’s a team player. He’s Magic Johnson. He’s only as good as what he gets. That’s why Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers works, but not so much in something like The Break Up.

Conrad: The Break Up was like watching a man trying to juggle some pianos while painting with his toes on a trampoline while his pants were around his ankles.

Marco: I fully support that analogy.

Conrad: So you’re from California. Did you ever hang with a crew that was packing heat?

Marco: No, well… yes, but Fav’s got a point here. People live in California because they don’t want to live and be carjacked in New York and also because they’re better than everyone else.

Conrad: Yeah, you’re from California. That’s for sure.

Marco: When one of your buddies whips out a gun that he has for no reason, it’s time to call it a night.

Conrad: I feel like white people in the 90s loved to reference Compton and Boyz In The Hood. Black gangster culture was such a weird museum peice for your kind back then.

Marco: “My kind?”

Conrad: Wow.

Marco: Oh no.

Conrad: This is perhaps one of the most humanly uncomfortable scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie.

Marco: I’ve spent a lot of time in the city of angels over all of my years, and maybe it’s because of the movies, but at the same time, I feel like the movies portray it very accurately: There’s something sleazy happening there. As much fun as you’re having, parts of it are always shallow and hollow and you always feel like you’ve just come back from doing something horrible.

Conrad: You’re talking like… Bret Easton Ellis mashed up with film noir?

Marco: Yeah. And you’re stuck in traffic the whole time.

Conrad: Right, right.

Marco: It’s like 100 miles of freeway connecting little cities together, but as a government cover to deconstruct part of human interaction or something.

Conrad: But the sun is always shining there. Ron Livingston just said that.

Marco: Yes, true, but it’s like too bright. It’s hangover sunshine. The kind where you feel like you’re too close to the sun.

Marco: Ugh.

Conrad: What?

Marco: Fuck.

Conrad: What?

Marco: Fucking… shit, man.

Conrad: What the fuck are going on about?

Marco: Fucking… Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.

Conrad: Oh. Yeah?

Marco: Man, I thought I escaped this time in my life.

Conrad: Yeah.

Marco: I fucking hate swing music.

Conrad: Yeah, I don’t like it either.

Marco: No, no, no. I fucking hate it. I hate Brian Seltzer!

Conrad: Actually, it’s Brian Setzer.

Marco: Hate!

Conrad: Okay. I understand. I don’t like swing music either. Or rockabilly music.

Marco: Rockabilly! Hate!

Conrad: Though I do like psychobilly.

Marco: Yeah, punkabilly and psychobilly is okay.

Conrad: Like the Reverend Horton Heat.

Marco: Yeah, but… Oh, is that Heather Graham?

Conrad: Hell yeah, it is.

Marco: I feel like Heather Graham deserved such a better career than the one she got, you know?

Conrad: Goddamn, she’s hot.

Marco: Yeah, there’s definitely that.

Conrad: She just looks crazy. But in a hot way. Like something insane is about to happen when she walks into the room.

Marco: Like in Killing Me Softly?

Conrad: Is that movie good? I’ve seen the pictures online but never saw it.

Marco: Eh… Look, I’ll put it this way: It was erotic.

Conrad: Suck it, Lady MacBeth. That sounds like the Heather Graham I like.

Marco: She just has that light in her eyes. And yet, you get the feeling people want to cast her as a sexbot, like a living, excited sexbot.

Conrad: Stop right there before I get turned on.

Conrad: Oh man, this diner scene…

Marco: Yeah?

Conrad: Yeah, it just got real. There are too many people still like this.

Marco: And Vince Vaughn is one of them.

Conrad: Yeah, but it’s funny. It’s all good.

Conrad: This movie is very accurate in it’s depiction of a bunch of asshole guys just hanging out and bar hopping and trying to pick up “beautiful babies.”

Marco: I dislike that term. “Beautiful babies.” I mean, it’s all kind of demeaning, right? But “beautiful babies?” That’s no good.

Conrad: Uh… sure, but yeah. This movie feels authentic to me, to a degree.

Marco: I’m surprised that these guys aren’t trying to go home with any girls. I mean, this is still Los Angeles, right?

Conrad: Well, personally, I don’t want to fuck every girl I meet out at bars.

Marco: Really?

Conrad: (after an interestingly long pause) …No. Plus, it sets a bad precedent.

Marco: Sure, sure. Also, he’s getting home and it’s not even 3 in the morning. That’s a bit early, right?

Conrad: Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, if I have to work in the moning, I may get home around then, but typically, I’d keep vampire hours if I was out “partying” with the “boys.”

Marco: Let’s go party then.

Conrad: I’m not sure you’re money enough to handle the beautiful babies hunt.

Marco: I think the resolution to the girlfriend back home situation to be somewhat realistic/believable. Do you concur?

Conrad: Yeah, I guess.

Marco: I mean, I was actually siding with this unseen girlfriend back east for most of the film…

Conrad: You dislike Favreau that much?

Marco: Dislike? No, that’s too harsh. I dislike the situation in Iran or the recession, things like that. Favreau is just an ugly man, and I therefore think the girlfriend back east was just pityfucking him for those six years.

Conrad: Real talk.

Marco: And she “misses” him? Misses him? What, like the desert misses the rain? Please.

Conrad: Right.

Marco: But then she said she left him for a guy named Pierre. That’s cold blooded. That’s unforgivable. Am I wrong?

Conrad: You are not wrong. And Heather Graham.

Marco: And Heather Graham. Yes, sir.

Conrad: I think we’re in agreement there.

Marco: I think we are. I remember that this movie was always so talked about back in the 90s, like one of those big hyped things, you know the kind that supposedly contained the rules?

Conrad: The rules?

Marco: For like… “The Cool.” Like Dazed And Confused. Or Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Lost In Translation. These are the rules, for “the cool.” This is how things are. This movie is fine, not bad at all, but “the cool?” I just don’t know.

Conrad: Yeah, I get you. “The cool” is not always what it’s cracked up to be.

Marco: Uh huh.

Conrad: That Vince Vaughn is a funny, silly man. I feel like we should’ve gotten drunk before watching this.

Marco: Perhaps some of us already are.

Título: Jumper
Título original: Jumper
País: USA
Estreno en USA: 14/02/2008
Estreno en España: 15/02/2008
Productora: 20th Century Fox / New Regency Pictures / Dune Entertainment
Director: Doug Liman
Guión: David S. Goyer, Jim Uhls y Simon Kinberg, basado en la novela de Steven Gould
Reparto: Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Diane Lane, Jamie Bell, Anna Sophia Robb, Michael Rooker, Rachel Bilson, Tom Hulce

Sinopsis:

David Rice ha crecido con el misterioso poder que casi todos sueñan poseer: teletransportarse a cualquier lugar del mundo que imagine. Hasta ahora ha utilizado sus poderes para escapar de su pasado, alimentar su inmensa fortuna y permanecer completamente independiente. Nunca ha conocido límites, fronteras ni consecuencias. Pero cuando David descubre a otro joven igual que él, un exaltado trotamundos rebelde llamado Griffin, la verdad de su existencia se revela. Ya no es un curioso fenómeno singular de la naturaleza, sino parte de una larga línea de anomalías genéticas conocidas como “saltadores”, que además nunca están a salvo. Ahora David ha sido identificado por la organización secreta dedicada a matarle, al igual que a todos los saltadores. Será perseguido sin descanso en una caza que nos llevará literalmente de un confín al otro de la Tierra, al tiempo que se convierte en una pieza clave de una guerra oculta que se ha desarrollado durante siglos, invisible para el resto de la humanidad.

Opinión:

Menuda tomadura de pelo.  No es solo que la película tenga uno de los guiones mas penosos, infectos y absurdos de la historia (basado, ojo, en la novela de un tal Steven Gould; habría que comentar que el habitual mantra que se dice “el libro esta mejor que la peli” aquí esta cien por cien garantizado, pero fijo, y sin leer el libro…) sino que también tiene uno de los repartos mas horripilantes de los últimos tiempos, encabezado por el seguramente peor actor de la década, Hayden “vivo de los réditos que me dio Tito Lucas” Christensen.

El dibujo muestra mas expresividad

Por no hablar de Rachel Bilson, a la que habría que decir que poner morritos en todas las putas escenas en las que sale no es actuar. También por ahí andan Samuel L. Jackson, que este se apunta a un bombardeo mientras haya pasta de por medio, y Jamie Bell, de lo mejor de la función. Ah, y también esta Diane Lane, pero es como si estuviera en otro largometraje, os lo juro por Snoopy.

¿Seguro que no eres de cera?

Para rematar, dirigiendo este despropósito sin pies ni cabeza, nos encontramos a Doug Liman,que tras parir la primera de Bourne, a debido perder el sentido del gusto, o le han puesto un cheque con muchos ceros para que dirija este episodio piloto de serie B. ¿Algo bueno? Sus efectos especiales, espectaculares. Pero si la gente ya se conforma con esto, mal vamos.

Puntuación:

4 / 10

Review by Alex DeMattia www.allaboutmovies.net

Directed by Doug Liman — Starring Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Jaime Bell, Rachel Bilson, Diane Lane

RATING: 5/10

Click Here for the original review

FILM REVIEW: “Jumper” is an absolute mess of a film. Leave it to Hollywood to turn an incredibly cool concept whose very nature will hook you in to watching it in to a badly plotted, poorly executed and horrendously acted travesty that will leave you demanding your money back. Ironically, the film is directed by none other than indie maestro Doug Liman who has a great track record for delivering more unique Hollywood films that deliver the goods. Perhaps he needed to make one lemon in his career. There are so many things wrong with this film but at the end of the day the fault lies squarely on Liman’s shoulders. How he could make such a bad film from a great concept such as personal teleportation is beyond belief but the proof is in the film’s pudding.

Based on a successful graphic novel from the early nineties, “Jumper” is at best loosely based on this source material about the hard-done-by teenage boy David Rice who discovers in a life threatening situation that he has the ability to teleport himself from one place to another. Soon enough, he learns to control this talent and discovers he can transport himself anywhere on Earth. David runs away from his broken home and eventually steals a million dollars from a bank undetected, starting a new life in the process. These opening sequences featuring Max Thieriot as David and AnnaSophia Robb as David’s love interest Millie are the best in the film largely thanks to a slower pace and better acting by the young cast members as we see their relationship develop.

Flash forward ten years and David, now played by the still wooden and uncharismatic Hayden Christensen, is now living the high life in a New York penthouse with everything at his fingertips. Almost immediately, the film heads downwards largely thanks to Christensen’s inability to generate any sympathy for his character. When his life is in jeopardy by the arrival of Roland (a very bored looking Samuel L. Jackson), the film becomes an erratic editorial mess as David discovers he is now involved in a war between jumpers like himself and a band of zealots lead by Roland dedicated to destroying them. Nothing wrong with the concept itself, but the execution gives no room for development, no access in to the journey the characters are taking, but does manage to give schizophrenic tone and pace shifts that will drive you nuts. The further the film goes, the more you get lost visually as they jump to recogniseable places all over the world while having fight scenes at the same time but giving you no sense of the danger involved or what is at stake (if there is anything!). I’m sure this was a cool concept on paper but the resulting execution is poor and messy. The film is also not helped by poor logic gaps and badly thought out sequences; for example, David saves his father by teleporting him in the middle of a crowded hospital area. However, no one bothers to question how David suddenly appeared before them, or that he has damaged the floor and surrounding equipment due to his teleportation. No, they just see his ill father and immediately rush to help him without any questions, allowing David to disappear in to the night yet again.

Hayden Christensen, unfortunately for him, is not an actor and this film, if the Star Wars prequels did not do so, proves it. He does have good looks, but he is saddled with playing a potentially complex, emotionally immature character with no sense of responsibility and it is annoying to watch this through Christensen’s clumsy fumbling of dialogue and facial expressions. Stumbling over words and having funny looks with no apparent acting skills looks more like amateur-time rather than a serious attempt to portray such a character and as such he looks more like a wooden mannequin than a person. As a result, you have a hard time buying why a character like Millie, despite her connection to the character set up in the opening scenes, would ever want to follow such a dangerous and uncharismatic misfit of a boy despite how good he looks.

Samuel L. Jackson looks like he is going through the motions as Roland. He looks bored and does not seem to be all that interested in what is going on which is a shame because his bad guy presence does carry some weight. Jamie Bell as Griffin is perhaps the only highlight in the cast as the connection David finds to the world of the jumpers. Bell manages to induce a sense of fun while laying on the exposition. Another surprise is a cameo by Diane Lane as David’s mother. She certainly holds the screen, particularly against Christensen, but one has to wonder what possessed her to take on such a small role in a film that was so badly done. Liman’s reputation perhaps? I doubt it will work on his next film.

Watching the documentaries on this DVD, understanding the nature of the production speaks volumes to the mess this film is. It would appear that Liman was changing things on a daily basis and as such there is little wonder the film does not cohere. “Jumper” is an unfortunate waste of time and money; cool concept, exceptional bad delivery.

TECHNICAL REVIEW: Both the visual and audio transfers of the film for this DVD are spectacular. The images are very clean, crisp and colourful, delivering the feast for the visual senses that the film offers. The audio makes full use of the surrounds, and the “jump” effect used whenever one of the characters teleports is quite good. Overall, “Jumper” has received an excellent transfer.

EXTRAS REVIEW: An unexpected bonus of this DVD is that the extras package is actually very good. Although the film is quite bad, the documentary features present on this disc which equate to around two hours of behind the scenes material make the DVD almost worth buying. The audio commentary by director Doug Liman and producers Lucas Foster and Simon Kinberg is interesting in that the details and motivations they impart throughout the scenes seem to explain why the film is the way it is but also raises the contradiction between how much thought and effort went in to the film yet so little of it is apparent in the final product. There are also a series of documentary featurettes focusing on various aspects of the filmmaking process including locations, cast, special effects, deleted scenes, pre-visualisation, and a curious look at the original graphic novel. However, the jewel in the crown is the forty minute documentary “Doug Liman’s Jumper: Exposed” which provides about as close as possible a document to the filmmaking process as you can get. Some of the interviews give the impression of trying to sugar-coat Liman’s nutcase and erratic directorial behaviour, but the footage does offer a lot of very candid moments that you would not otherwise see in material like this; images in particular of Liman running around with the steadicam in the Colosseum while ignoring his 1st AD yelling out in the megaphone asking him what he wants to do next are priceless and go to show why the film is perhaps the mess that it is. In one of the featurettes we see Jamie Bell lose it as his frustration with the way the film is being made bubbles to the surface. Watching Samuel L. Jackson and Hayden Christensen trying to give a positive spin on working with Liman is also amusing as it looks like they are struggling to come up with a good answer. This is an excellent collection of extras; it’s just a shame that the film is so bad and average given how much effort appears to have gone in to the making of it.

BOTTOM LINE: Rent it.

Click Here for the original review

Alex DeMattia is a staff writer/reviewer for the film and DVD review web site, ALL ABOUT MOVIES.NET.

Title: The Bourne Identity
Year: 2002
Director: Doug Liman
Writer: Tony Gilroy & W. Blake Herron, based on the novel by Robert Ludlum
Starring: Matt Damon, Franka Potente, Chris Cooper, Clive Owen, Brian Cox
Music: John Powell
Synopsis: a CIA assassin wakes up with no memory of who he is and tries not to get killed by his superiors
How I saw it: on video, yesterday (rented from Netflix)
Subjective Rating: 7/10
Objective Rating: 6/10 (points off for story, characters, cinematography and music)

Entertaining. The action is good. The story starts out promising, but eventually fizzles out into formulaic nonsense. It’s worth watching, but I expected a lot more.

MR. & MRS. SMITH av Doug Liman (2005)
Med Brad Pitt och Angelina Jolie

Nasigorgeng, typ. Ni vet, den där indonesiska rätten som i själva verket består av dagens alla överblivna matrester i restaurangköket och som på kvällen, nedskrapade av personalen i en hink, ställs i kylskåpet och följande dag slevas upp när någon beställer “nasigoreng”.

Fast här är det nasigorgeng på celluloidrester. Först tar vi Prizzi’s Honor av John Huston. Många bitar. Sedan tar vi The War of the Roses av Danny Devito. Många bitar. Och så tar vi valfri actionfilm där allt exploderar hela tiden och där Bruce Arnold Schwarzenegger Willis har huvudrollen. Många bitar. Och så klipper vi ihop alla de många bitarna i mer eller mindre slumpvis utvald ordning och serverar filmnasigorengen Mr. & Mrs Smith av Doug Liman.

Och det gör den här filmen till en film som hoppar likt en av de där jönsarna som tror sig kunna gå på glödande kol men som inte kan och som börjar dansa krigsdans när de försöker. Den vet inte vilken av sina många nasigorgengfötter den ska stå på, för den börjar som ett relationsdrama om ett äktenskap som har gått i stå och den fortsätter som en artificiell historia om två yrkesmördare som råkar vara gifta med varandra utan att känna till varandras yrken och den avrundas som en våldsamt överdriven ka boom-allt-exploderar-och-det-mullrar-jättemycket actionfilm där rollfigurerna utför chockstunts à la James Bond men fullständigt utan den självdistans och humor som är den allt förmildrande omständigheten i de bättre av James Bond-filmerna. Fast slutscenen överraskar, för då är vi tillbaka i relationsdramat och det fascinerande och rätt oväntade är att den dels är fyndig, dels för första gången i filmen visar prov på att Brad Pitt och Angelina Jolie faktiskt kan agera i alla fall lite grann bara de får chansen och till och med fälla rätt roliga repliker med viss känsla för timing.

Vilket inte betyder att det här är en film man bör se eller så.

Kör hårt,
Bellis

Michel Gondry has been signed up to direct The Green Hornet, the crime-fighting comic book adaptation starring Seth Rogen and Stephen Chow. Chow had been signed up to direct but later dropped out over what were described as ‘creative differences’. Gondry’s presence makes this easily the most interesting comic movie on its way at present. I may not have fully loved Be Kind Rewind, but Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of the best films of the past ten years while Science of Sleep is an endless well of whimsy and imagination. Notably, the news was first reported on the Twitter feed of Production Weekly. Also, the trailer for Rogen’s new movie, Observe and Report, has emerged and looks like something of a departure for him into a slightly darker area.

Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Drew Barrymore, she of the adorable poppet-ness, is among the candidates being considered for Eclipse, the third movie in the Twilight series which will follow up the next instalment, New Moon, in 2010. Barrymore has recently signed off on her debut in the chair, Whip It, starring Ellen Page.

Eddie Murphy has apparently signed on to play Richard Pryor in ‘Richard Pryor: Was It Something I Said’ for director Bill Condon. It will reunite the pair who worked together previously on Dreamgirls, the film which garnered so much buzz for Murphy and won him an Academy Award nomination. Seems like a strong part for him given the placement of Murphy as the next in line in succession in the evolution of black comedians after Pryor and preceding Chris Rock.

Cate Blanchett has signed on the dotted line to play Maid Marian in Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood. This news follows that from last week that Scott has changed the name and vision behind the project to a more straight-forward retelling.

Samuel L Jackson is to play Nick Fury in Iron Man 2, Captain America, Thor, The Avengers and, possibly, in a Nick Fury movie should Marvel decide to do this too. There had been issues over Jackson joining in the past but now it seems such things have been pushed aside for the sake of continuity.

Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are to team for The B Team, a comedy from Adam McKay which will follow the misadventures of two mismatched cops. Sounds like it be in a similar vein to all other Ferrell/McKay projects and have around four very funny Ferrell moments, almost no story and an effort to make up for any shortcomings through shouting.

Sean Penn and Naomi Watts are involved in talks for Fair Game, not a remake of the Cindy Crawford-starrer from the mid90s, but a drama about the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame Wilson. It would reunite Penn and Watts from when they starred together in the Innaritu/Arriaga piece 21 Grams, a role which won Watts a Best Actress nod at the Oscars. Fair Game will be directed by Doug Liman.

Joss Whedon has spoken out during an interview with Maxim on why many DC comics adaptations are having difficulty in getting to the big screen, including Wonder Woman, which he was often linked with in the past. Whedon said the difference in the era in which the DC comics were made meant that the heroes were not being created as people, but as gods. ‘DC’s characters, like Wonder Woman and Superman and Green Lantern, were all very much removed from humanity. Batman was the only character they had who was so rooted in pain, that had that same gift that the Marvel characters had, which was that gift of humanity that we can relate to.’ Whedon has long been working on getting Wonder Woman off the ground with Eliza Dushku in the lead. Personally, I’m not a big fan of Dushku’s acting so I’d put forward Morena Baccarin of Firefly and Serenity fame instead. Probably wouldn’t get made either way though.

Francis Ford Coppola has given out some new information on Tetro, his new film following the life, loves and troubles of an Italian family of artists. It stars Vincent Gallo and is, according to Coppola, his first ‘original screenplay’ since his The Conversation. A film from Coppola about an Italian family of artists, autobiography much?

Also in the news: Emily Blunt will definitely not be in Iron Man 2, instead she’ll have to star alongside Jack Black in Gulliver’s Travels; Mel Gibson’s The Colonel has a trailer; Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal are to star in a remake of Damn Yankees; Naomi Watts and Freida Pinto have joined Woody Allen’s next movie; Warner Bros has picked up the rights to adapt comic series Suicide Squad; The Coens have directed a 30-second commercial mocking the claim of clean coal; Gore Verbinski is to bring Clue/Cluedo to screens; Seth Green will star in animated caper Mars Needs Moms!; Ed Helms is to write and star in a Civil War-themed comedy; Danny Boyle and Dev Patel may take part in the real-life Who Wants to be a Millionaire; Peter Baynham, a collaborator of Sasha Baron Cohen on Borat, will write the Arthur remake for Russell Brand;

A young man finds he has the ability to ‘jump’ to anyplace on earth and comes to find himself caught in a centuries old war between ‘jumpers’, those like himself, and ‘paladins’, those who try to kill his kind.

Directed by – Doug Liman

Written by – David S. Goyer, Jim Uhls, Simon Kinberg

Starring – Hayden Christensen, Jamie Bell, Rachel Bilson, Diane Lane, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Rooker, Anna Sophia Robb, Max Thieriot, Jesse James, Tom Hulce, Kristen Stewart, Teddy Dunn, Barbara Garrick

I wasn’t expecting much before I sat down to watch this one. I originally was very interested in seeing it and then I realized that Hayden Christensen was in it and that it wasn’t getting very good reviews. Well, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it, even with Hayden Christensen’s terrible performance. Watch out Keanu Reeves!

I like the idea here and the fact that once he learns to ‘jump’, he robs banks. That is exactly what anyone would do, admit it. Also on display here is Samuel L. Jackson. Every time I see him in a flick, he’s stealing the show. It doesn’t matter how good or bad the movie is, I can always look forward to a fun performance from Jackson.

Now, could this movie be better? Sure. It’s a great idea that I felt just wasn’t explored well enough. You have this war going on between ‘jumpers’ and ‘paladins’ but we never really see more than a few ‘jumpers’. Are there any or have they all been killed? It seems to me that this is not the thinking mans action movie and that’s alright. I still had some good fun watching and really dug the special effects. But could someone get Hayden to show some emotion other than Duh!

Under the marquee – Will