Hey I think this is really important! Too many people ignore the needs of people with certain disabilities thinking its futile to educate them.

Invitation to Focus Group discussion on Compulsory Education for Children with Disabilities
http://maruah.org/2009/11/19/fgdiscussion-compulsoryedchildrenwithdisabilities/
(Aim: children with physical disabilities to be included in Singapore’s Compulsory Education Act; also in line with the Convention on the Rights of Children)

When I went to the Vatican a few months ago I was super impressed. The guy who sold us tickets at the counter had 2 fingers only, and he was just handling all the transactions amazingly fast, no different from othr counters, and the queue was miles long but it cleared really fast.

The cloak room was run by just one guy and he had Downs’ syndrome (or some sort of other social disability) and everything was in perfect order, and so efficiently managed.

I was just so impressed with not only these 2 people, but with the people who hired them. In Singapore, even the enlightened people who hire people with disabilities tend to put them where their area of disability is not directly used in their job. There, I really learnt that your area of”disability” can be the primary requirement of your job, but it doesn’t have to matter at all!

(I mean, 2 fingers only & selling tickets much faster than 4x the speed of ANY movie ticket counter in singapore!!! )

I am up each night… Tonight is worst, usually I just wake up every now and then but tonight I cannot sleep at all. I keep winding up in thoughts about him. I miss him so much that it hurts. I keep telling myself that I will be fine and that my pain is just the sign for me still being alive, but to be honest I cannot stand it. I mean I am standing the pain, but these justifying thoughts are just a big big lie.
Have you ever loved someone so madly that your whole world seems slipping because you realized you lost this person due to your own faults, wrong-doing and your being in general?
I miss him so incredibly much and once more I wished I never met him, knowing now that I cannot be with him, because he rejects me. Why? The most superfluous question in this world anyway, but really… why? I am not self-pitying myself but the world is against me. Not only for a day or a few weeks… I am not sure what I have done wrong in the past, maybe I deserve this?
Reminds me on the words of my therapist: BE tender to yourself. Acknowledge negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts.
Easier said than done.
I again feel lost in this world. I want to be happy but I am captured in my own misery driven by external forces that I cannot get rid of. And ye harder I try ye worse. And ye harder others try for me ye worse. I think that is even the worst part about it. Again a guy knows better for me and again the guy gets what he wants. I think I do know very well what is good or bad for me, but for some reason I am not being acknowledged and again my own will, my own attempts to live my life are being stopped by others. It is frustrating. I mean, does anyone understand what I am saying in here?
I want to decide over my life. I have never been selfish. I have always accepted others and what they wanted. But I think this is one of the reasons I am so dependent today and unable to really live.
If I could I would change my world, but that would mean being assertive, risking things, setting boundaries, losing people, not being understood and probably judged. Eventually things could get better…. but they could also get worse. Scary. I am scared.

I have the flu today. I think a little color might do me some good.

And, let’s not forget my Lila Downs

Have a good night I’m going to watch Desperate Housewives and go to bed early-ish…

So the end of the year is coming up and that means holiday season (fuck my wallet lol). But it also means a new year approaching and lookin back at the year passing. And when I look back at my year I think its been actually ok. I started off movin back to Brooklyn, wasn’t to thrilled about it but so far so good. Got rid of my ex-girlfriend, had trio date for Valentines Day lol. Lost my grandmother (R.I.P.) after my b-day, one point I almost became unemployed. Summer went by quickly didn’t really do much. Lost my best friend, got my best friend back. Back into school. Became a twitter addict. Met some new/old friend (shellaine, lauren, kalli). Created brand new (seems to be long lasting) friendships (nina, ashley, ashley, beth, karina, kennya, kaliyah, khadija, tai, crystal,) wow that’s a lot. Up for promotion. My  contact list got pregnant lmao. Family issues still lie. New money. New lifestyle. New mindset. New Steven. But so many things I’ve left on table to gain and achieve. My apartment. My license. My tattoos. Better money. Better lifestyle. Great mindset. Best Steven. So as these two months start to wind down I must enjoy it for as the new year comes its back to work. So I can make it the year of Stevinchy lmao

.. I was very innocent about this new “social” media.

I had heard in my studies that there was a new trend with Web 2.0 and that we should take part in this new amazing, interesting and innovative new tool.

The first steps were very cautious and looking for what is going on here. But after some weeks things become more interesting when I got used to this important thing called apps.

Apps are little applications within this inscrutable platform of facebook. But what would facebook be without apps? Nothing. You could only use it as a kind of sharing marketplace where you can put pictures and notes and poke someone.

Poking is the simplest form of getting in touch with others but meanwhile it has become neglected because of more and more apps providing super-, mega-, hyper-pokes.

By the time I also explored apps for flirting – that’s where the real story now starts. Hot-or-not, hot bids, flirtatious and a lot more where here for free to flirt with people all around the world. Eureka! I had found the philosopher’s stone!

tbc with the first flirt

Hello People!

Everybody who likes to Read about my Adventures with all those nice silly holy horny strange crazy wonderful Girls I met and still meet at Facebook should follow this very personal Blog here on worldpress.

All names are anonymized, so Nobody will Be recognized or hurt!

Have Fun
Vincent

I feel miserable. I am frustrated, sad, stupid and me being here does not seem right. I fell in a deep swallowing hole today. I had a bad meeting with my professor. I failed. I got a C- on my midterm. Seriously? I don’t understand it. I felt great all last week, I got so much done, I did not go to the gym at all, because i was sick and felt like I needed the time to study. So I did. I really studied. A lot. Not enough as it seems. It is ridiculous, because for the first test I did not study at all and got an A. Ridiculous. I have no idea how I will get a A in that class now. And he criticizes everything I do. I am not used to that usually everything I did was without putting effort in it and without being criticized and now I am receiving all this bad feedback and I really don’t know why… I know I am not on an A level right now, because I am sick. and I do not want to use that as an excuse, but me even accepting or saying that I am sick is a big deal and this recovery is not not not easy. And people who think so are wrong. It’s not like you take some pills, go see a therapist and dietitian once a week and that’s it. There is so much emotional, physical and certainly psychiatric stress that is exhausting me. But I have to deal with these in order to get over them.
For me it is just that EVERYTHING is crashing down on me at once.
This is no self-pity and I try to not let it get me. But it does. It gets me. Everytime a bit harder.
I have no clue how to get through life. I am just so scared. I am scared of life so much that I just want to flee from it.

I’m reading the paper – here are two unconnected articles:
A boy born 16 weeks early – ‘could have been legally aborted but defied doctors to survive’…good job the mum knew better than the doctors on this one: ‘Jack smiles and is a happy little boy.’
More babies with Down’s syndrome – in the last 20 years there’s been a 71% rise in babies diagnosed with Down’s, but ‘the number of babies born with Down’s has remained fairly static over the same period owing to improved screening and subsequent abortions’. Well, that’s nice: ‘Oh, you have Down’s, how tragic. Here, I’ll help by killing you.’

They are greasy, they are fatty, they are bad, but so delicious. So Bulimia asked me to binge them. I obeyed her. even though I had overheard Anorexia’s voice all day, and did not restrict at all. But something strange happened. I did not purge the fries, although I felt like I had to, and although I had way too much food (even though structured and planned) throughout the day PLUS beer. But, I made it through the night, and even though I did not have breakfast the way I used or should to, I did not freak out about it and just started my day with an high-caloric but also nourishing late breakfast. And I have to emphasis, that my roomie is gone for the day so I would actually have plenty of time now to binge and purge… and I am feeling stressed and I am thinking about it… actually I had to say out loud

“YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO! YOU WILL NOT DO IT! DO NOT DO IT!”

And I know I would regret it. My teeth are very sensitive since the last purge and I still feel very bloated and huge. I think people can tell when they look at me. My face is weird and my eyes dull. I lost my shiny smile and my sparkling eyes. It is very sad. All I want is happiness.

Anyway, I just realized that my professor (one of the three I am dealing with at the moment) does not reply to my mails, but I can’t really go and talk to her. Anyway. The other professor and I seem to be having lots of miscomunication going on. It is so frustrating. ALL my classes suck. I will get bad grades… and I feel like it is a conspiracy. It feels like they all want me out. I have no clue where this is coming from, but it really feels like that. I am so unsure about everything I do.
I don’t know what to do, but if I get 3 B’s I will just be completely dissatisfied. And I am really trying hard. I am struggling. And I wished I could talk openly to them, but they are just not the kind of people who actually would understand. And I don’t want to use my illness as an excuse at all. It is just like having three jobs: School, Teaching, Therapy. There is no room for me at all. And even though I was out last night, it was not really my choice in the sense of I was doing that for me. I went because I was asked to go, it was a University social. And my duty was basically the driving. I regret it, because it cost me money and it made me lose time. Time that I need to be working.
However, I met a girl, who seems really nice. And I really feel like I need a friend. But at the same time I feel like she is anorexic or has at least some kind of ED or issues with eating herself, so I don’t know if that would actually be good.

At any rate, I better start working… or I will not improve at all.

The norms of society, the rules to fit in SUCK.

This is the fourth blog in a serie of blogs about our experiences in Brazil, where we spent 5 weeks this year. The reason for our trip was capoeira. My partner teaches capoeira in the Hague. His capoeira name is Vitamina. He represents Grupo Engenho, a Brazilian capoeira group, in the Netherlands.

Finding Strength in Beauty
The photo above got me through the downs of our trip! One glance at this photo and immediately I feel calm in mind and heart. Recently I read in a magazine about psychology that a photo of a savanna on your desktop has a calming effect on your state of mind. A savanna repesents freedom and safety at the same time. Other images of nature have a similar effect. Like images of much green and water. Now this photo welcomes me when I open my laptop.

By Chungmei Cheng
Orchid of Life -LifeCoaching

(I originally only posted this to my Facebook, but only my friends could see it, but decided to post it here too)

(Originally posted on Monday, 05 October 2009 at 11:50)

I’m writing this blog here instead of my site because I don’t want the whole world to know that I think I’m retarded or “mentally challenged”. I know my family thinks “I’m not quite all there” (Oh please! I see how you act and what you say and how you say it). Sometimes I feel a little bit slow. I find it somewhat difficult to adapt to new things. I feel that I’m afraid of going out with someone because I think they’ll just laugh at me.

When I was a baby, the doctors told my mam that I would never walk, never talk, that I’d just be a vegetable. My mam knew that I wasn’t like that and proved these “doctors” wrong. However, I feel like maybe I should have been a vegetable, that me being nearly normal seems wrong and my body/brain wants to fight it. My mind was never made to try and handle all the things, like driving a car. It was just designed, just for limited motor skills, and the odd grunt here and there, and maybe some assortment of words. I know that my brain is contently working at 110%, hence why I get headaches, these sharp pains in my head that only last about a minute or two. Doctors will say that I’m tired or stressed, but I’m neither.

I’m afraid… I’m afraid of who I am, I’m afraid that I’ll die after some hospital taking care of me because I’ll have dementia or some other illness. I personally don’t think that I deserve what I have. I don’t deserve all the places I’ve seen, all the places I’ve been. I don’t deserve life.

(Side-note: I’m not suicidal, I find that is very selfish of a person to kill themselves)

I went grocery shopping today and told myself to face it.
I bought “unsafe” food items, and even candy chocolate bars for my students. Which I am eating on right now, even though I got the wrong kind. I thought it was a mix of all the good ones but it’s actually the nasty Peanut and Caramel stuff… yuck… I’m binging them anyway… Ridiculous. Had a whole fat pizza as well. And beer. And I really did not want to binge tonight, but be strong… even with unsafe food in the house. My nutritionist said Tuesday that if I was unable to have unsafe food in the house I needed to drop out of school IMMEDIATELY and start Cedar Springs. hahaha. Ironic.

I felt liek I was getting sick all day though and now thinking about purging that binge is not really good. Won’t really help my immune system…
What a shame, I think part of my failure lays in little occurences of this day.
A) Talking to my mom.
B) Stupid remark I made at my weekly meeting with my adivsor
C) Stupidity in nature when talking to my supervisor
D) Not eating right all day
F) I saw that super skinny girl from the Gym today. She is skin and bones and muscles.
G) Going shopping hungry
H) Feeling weird overall
I) Not having done all I needed to
….
sucks.
I just wished I could just stop eating when it is enough.
Too much food in the house is bad….

But tomorrow is a new day and I only hope I will not catch the flu.