I went to a birthday party today over brunch. A vegan and gluten-free feast. Some of the people I knew, and some of them not. I was anxious because I hate small talk, it makes me so uncomfortable. I feel like strangers ask me questions just to hear themselves talk. I feel boring when I tell people what I do and I feel stupid when I tell them that I’m not in school because I can’t afford it right now. I glued myself to Kevin and Honey Bucket until they had to leave and I mostly had to fend for myself. I was anxious because the house was very fancy. Lots of art and rugs. Alaskana. 

I went to the sitting room to put my card with the others and caught sight of the view out of the large windows. I pressed my forhead against the glass. The freezing Kenai Peninsula. It resembled the bluffs in Portland in some strange way. The window fogged with my breath. I thought of my mother. I remembered I was not in an appropriate place to cry. I wondered if the tree I was looking at was a black spruce. I wondered about the foot prints in the snow. I tried to picture where I was oriented on a map. I drew a heart in the condensation and then wondered if I shouldn’t have.

Back in the kitchen and breakfast nook I submitted to the dreaded small talk and it wasn’t that bad. Emiline showed up, my savior. We sunk into a big love seat and talked about teeth and jokes past lovers made at the expense of our sensitivities. We talked about Boycations and Man Rambles and male nudity in film. We talked about our health and highschool and the journeys we made in college, physically and emotionally.

Matthew and Sarah played the banjo and accordian on the fireplace. Sarah looks like Portland, I thought. Thin flannel, thick rimmed glasses, greasy boyish haircut. She may be the only one in all of Anchorage. It occurred to me that this brunch, this vegan brunch with young people playing covers of Hurray for the Riff Raff, the beards, the flannel, the fact that almost half of the people there were queer, this might be the best of what is here. If this is all there is, I thought, at least I have found it.

Later some of the guests left, some helped clean up. I watched the lady of the house scrape a bowl full of left over cream cheese and a whole stick of left over butter into the garbage disposal. I talked to one of the lingering guests about whether or not God has lips, or any erogenous zones for that matter. We talked about wanting to visit villages but not wanting to live there. I showed him my leg tattoos. I told him about my grandfather’s memorial and it seemed like maybe his eyes got wet for some secret reason. I felt attracted to him. I made up a rule that it was ok to get a crush on someone who was a gender different from ones you normally go for if it was over the holidays.

The birthday girl opened her gifts and cards. I gave her a patch with a bike on it, a tube of glitter glue and a pin that says “I <3 female orgasm”. Her parents gave her remote start for her car and $1000. I started to realize this friend of mine came from a  class background much different than mine. I hadn’t thought much about her background before. I thought about what I could do with $1000. 

My tires spun in the deep snow as I maneuvered out of the suburban winter hideaway. I passed my old elementary school. Everything looked so different. All the trees cut and a shopping center I didn’t even know existed. I put on that Des Ark CD I’ve been trying to take a break from so I won’t stop liking it from listening too much. I sang along and my voice sounded raspy and I liked it. I thought about my Holiday Crush. I thought about hating feeling stuck up here. I started to get anxious about What I’m Doing With My Life and The Next Step. But then I thought about my mom, and felt an unfamiliar a sense of calm. I realized that right now I’m exactly where I need to be.

Hollywood Weasel pulls the Green Light – Phil’s Filthy Stories – Boffo Yux Dudes & Friends at Syracuse University

Bill’s thoughts on this sketch he did with Mark Haskins…

“I think I wrote this sketch because I was reading “Final Cut” by Steven Bach, about the making of Heaven’s Gate. Also, the joke that most people laugh at in this sketch is the “full scale model of Planet Earth,” which was *ahem* “inspired” by a very similar Steven Wright joke”

I always thought branding ‘failure’ on the child’s forehead because he kept forgetting his lines was a fitting punishment…

Also, The first ‘Phil’s Filthy Stories‘ skit’ is tagged on this video – We shot this in a bathroom at New England Community College one summer. I always liked this bit – we wrote a bunch of them, but only a few made it to video. Somehow, when Tom’s voice goes up an octave, you get the feeling there might be some truth to the stories after all…

Enjoy.

Emotionally. Retarded.

That’s exactly what I’ve become. It’s been a process…and I think it began in the Fall of my junior year in college. The previous summer a best friend of mine, the better half of my heart, had been killed. That current summer my live-in boyfriend of over 3 years had left me. And in between those two events, my favorite relative, my Nana, had died.

I couldn’t catch a break. It was like all life’s lessons had been thrown at me at once. Broken heart, sudden death, and the end of a complete life cycle…had all occurred.

Since those incidents I find myself becoming a little more harden every year. I care less and less about…anything.

I have good friends. I love these people, don’t get me wrong. But there’s something about each one of them that I hold against them. There’s always something that holds me back from completely connecting with any of them. I hold back…on purpose…because I just don’t care.

I fall in love with some random boy all the time. I get child-like crushes on dudes and then as soon as they return the admiration….I get over it. As soon as someone takes me on a date and they ask to see me again…I smile and say yes…and then hope they never call…ever again. I don’t care to ever be in love again.

I feel no connection to the place I live. The city itself or my neighborhood. I love my house. It’s big and beautiful and has been a nice place to live for the past 3 years. However, I could walk out the door right now, get in my car, and move across the country. I wouldn’t miss a thing.

I’ve made myself into an island. I don’t need anything that I don’t already have or that I can’t go buy. I only value things that can be bought or worn. I only connect with objects…and even then it’s not forever. The 5 inch bright orange patent wedge heels I HAD to have last spring that I practically slept in every night after I got them could disappear tomorrow and I wouldn’t shed a tear.

The best/worst part about being emotionally retarded is that you never get attached to people, places, or things.

I rarely let myself cry. When I do it’s usually out of frustration and it’s usually when I’m on the phone with my mom. When I do let go and let something out, it’s almost always when I’m by myself.

However, if you happened to be in the Harris Teeter on Firetower in Greenville, NC Wednesday night and you saw a girl in a men’s hoodie and sweatpants clutching a box of Lucky Charms violently sobbing while the acoustic version of “Heartless” played over store’s speakers….then you caught a glimpse of me being human.

Love this movie, it never gets tired. It’s the ultimate teen angst punk rock movie set in an abandoned town on the outskirts of a residential area in California. Great styling and great music from the west coasts golden era of punk rock. It was directed by Penelope Spheeris, who went on to produce several more music documentaries on Americas alternative scene, before eventually entering the main stream, and directing Wayne’s world !

If you haven’t seen it I highly recommended it, or go check out Suburbia’s more main stream friendly cousin “Dudes,” also directed by Penelope, also both films feature the acting skills of Flea ! (americas prototype punk)

Logo for Masters of Song Fu #5. It's right up there. No, Really, it is.

I know you’re thinking… What is this Masters of Song Fu, and why do I need to judge it?

Short answer – Cool people wrote some songs to compete in a fun contest. No cash prizes, just to further their craft as artists. You can check it out here, and vote for the top 5 you like. There are 34 entries this round.

Longer answer: Song Fu is a contest for songwriters and musicians, challenging them to create a song within certain rules and guidelines. Some are more free form, and some are much more constricted. The latest contest is one of the more constricting. You have a week to write, produce and uploaded an MP3 of your song to go with all the other groups, then be judged on originality, content, and how well you fit the spirit of the theme. Quite a challenge.

I stumbled upon this when Mike Lombardo randomly followed the BYD on Twitter. He had entered a song for Contest #4, and it looked like a fun project to join in on.  Due to a mix up, I’m not in the competition for #5, but I’ll try and work on one for the non voting ’shadow’ contest.

More after the break, and my long list on impressions of all the songs this round. - but go and check it out now – the voting ends this weekend, and there’s almost 2 hours worth of original music to listen to – all at no cost.

34 people finished songs for the challenge this round – here’s the post I put up over at Quickstopentertainment.com on thoughts of the entries. I hope you have a chance to check them out before the voting ends, but even after that, you can check out the archives. Good stuff. You can open up this link in a new window and read the bios of the artists, and click this link to download all the songs at once.

*****(post on Song Fu Board)

This Round was a tough one – the rules were:

ROUND 1 CHALLENGE
This is a bit of a fun one. Your first task is based upon the work of Friend-of-the-StopJohn Hodgman – specifically, the “700 MOLE MEN” listed in his second book, More Information Than You Require. You’ll find the full list of “700 Mole Men” – and their descriptions - HERE. Your task is to choose one (1) and write a song about that Mole Man, based on the description provided by Hodgman. The title of your song will be the name of the Mole Man you’ve chosen, and its corresponding number on the list. You are free to write your song in any style that you choose.

That’s it. The only other directive is that your song must run no shorter than 1 minute

34 people finished songs for the challenge this round – here’s the post I put up over at Quickstopentertainment.com on thoughts of the entries. I hope you have a chance to check them out before the voting ends, but even after that, you can check out the archives. Good stuff. You can open up this link in a new window and read the bios of the artists, and click this link to download all the songs at once.

*****(post on Song Fu Board)

Congrats to everyone – Good crop of songs in this Fu. I’m sad to tell you my own song about #287 Crazyant, wasn’t completed in time, but I think it best to spare you about his antics involving filicide and the Thanksgiving Mole Turkey.

My first impressions… (and voted for *)

Lady Antonia Oddpolyps No. 487.2 – Jubilee Jews
“Now I am stuck here in this hole we have dug. Munchin’ on beetles and numerous bugs…” Ukulele and electric guitar bass counterpoint.
Interesting lament. I liked the lyrics, but some of the verses sounded awkward. Singer nailed the anguish and forlorn of a person cheated on by her husband.

#006 Sir Stinson Maggotwrangle – Timothy Rush
‘A Gentle Mole, with a gentle soul. A friend to both you and me”
Solo Guitar. Ballad about a nice mole who has done himself well.
The break into scat singing was a surprise, but fit the song well.

#019 Thomas Ashley Innersun – Jason Morris *
‘Nobody milks a wet worm better than me, no way’…. Multi track 12 String Guitar, Drums, backing vocals. Good slow country ballad, great wordplay telling the life story of Thomas. Great production values that complement the song. Nice hook.

#042 Miss Claudia Inward Burrowdown – Jarrett Heather
‘Chances are, you know her work if you lived underground’ Piano Ballad.
Has a counterpoint verse feel to kick up the ironic humor a notch. Made me smile that she helped write the Declaration of Independence with only hisses and squeals.

#042 Miss Claudia Inward Burrowdown – Steve Chatterton
‘While she composes verse, both concise and terse that you’ll never get to read or see’ Guitar, Drums, Backing Vocals. Upbeat Pop. Good use of details to push the story forward.

#077 Dr. Hieronymous Sandpuppy – Justin Wolf
‘Yeah, I’m on my way. Passing Thru. Guess I’ll move on.’ Guitar Ballad. The good Doctor is misunderstood as he sells his miracle elixirs. Kinda a Jonathan Edwards vibe to it.

#138 Sir Isaac Quickmud – Edric Haleen
‘Gravity is caused by the Sky pushing down on the earth’ Electric Harpsichord
A class lesson in Molemen physics. Not quite a song, but a skit with dramatic accompaniment. Interesting take on the MM universe.

#141 Devil Anse Doubledirt – Kylie Petto
‘Devil he went by name and massacring was his game- Doubledirt the Demon Hunter’ Guitar Filksong. An ode to the mole who hunted Demons near and far.
I liked the passion in your voice, but the mic technique made it difficult to make out the lyrics.

#145 Mandibular-Jaw Johnny – Ian Johnson
‘They pulled him out, there was no doubt that Johnny was a hero’ Piano Ballad.
Johnny saves his classmates during a cave in, to the cheers of the populace.
The ‘Johnny’ chant was surprising, and worked well to wrap the song.

#153 Permanent Unsex – Lex Vader
‘If I can’t take you home, then I won’t take anyone.’ Techno dance
Mole boy can’t get mole girl? Classic story. Doesn’t really mention moles though.
Nice solo.

#237 Dirtbag Dan – Zer0guy
“Everybody know if you wanna be a man, you gotta pay a visit to Dirtbag Dan”
Blues Guitar. Great instrumentation. Builds well.

#275 Mr. Owen Daylight – Craig Richie
‘Owen Daylight’s never seen the sun’ Folk Guitar. Owen longs to see the surface, but finds out the hard truth. The grass is often greener where you’re not.

#288 Polly The Exhumer – Governing Dynamics
(No Vocals) Rock – Great instrumentation – but I think they wrong cut made it up on the download group….

#297 Mr. Tom Furby – Joe ‘Covenant’ Lamb *
‘Oh the fun you’re going to have while killing Furbys!’ Irish Drinking Song
Well done parody. Who wouldn’t want to dispatch a few of those?

#298 Mr. Deadend – Spencer Sokol
‘If the going becomes too slow I can always come back home.’ Folk Guitar
Mournful lyrics. Good guitar.

#315 Mr. Dennimore Evercrouch – Peter Benedict
‘Covered in blood he left the scene, knowing he had prevailed
Best mole man writer he may be, too bad that he’s in jail’ Guitar
Good Lyrics. I liked the video.

#381 Captain Dane Frostline – Godz Poodlz *
‘Captain Dane Frostline, there’s a ghost in your digging machine
And he’s haunted, he is haunted by what he has seen’ Pop.Twisted XTC style song with nods to David Bowie’s ‘Major Tom’. The hook kept me listening to the end. Good job.

#414 Nick Nolte – Gorbzilla
‘Nick Nolte craved the limelight’ Pop. Fun ditty on Nick and his obsession to reach the surface. Liked the muted trumpet for the solo.

#422 Mokey – Josh Holober-Ward *
‘It’s all thanks to Mokey the Moleman. It’s all thanks to him…’ Piano
Such a happy, soulful tune. How quickly that changes. Listen this all the way through. Then vote for it. One of my favorites.

#423 Red – Manticess
‘When I make it to the other side I will embrace the sunlight, and finally I will see roses of red’. Guitar. Picked up a ‘Heart’ vibe in this one. Good story.

#429 Mr Roughfingers and his ‘Louse’-estra – Tyler Massey
‘Roughfingers, the Louse-stra plays for you….’ Guitar. A Moleman Troubadour and his lice, touring cave to cave. Has a little Greg Lake (ELP) feel to it. Good story.

#567 Mr. Angelo Openjaw – Chas Lilly
‘Angelo Openjaw tells stories that aren’t true at all to impress the women that he meets.’ Guitar. Upbeat tune about a jerk of a Mole. Good tune and story.

#573 Miss Miriam Poisonblisters – Sara Parsons *
‘Blisters don’t keep me from you…’ Piano. Happy song about pustules and unrequited love. Great instrumentation.

#580 Old Man Hades – Gifted Gear
‘I want to go where the nights are quiet and play my violin.’ Acapella. Good story about a fallen angel who needs a vacation.

#604 Suction-Cupped Jonny – The Jalapeno Jabaneros
‘He’s gone, gone, gone, gone to Davy Jones Locker. Pulled by a giant octopus that let him to his slaughter’ Acapella Sea Chanty. Good story. Sucks to be a moleman some days. Literally.

#612 Mr. Barry Screwskull – Jonathan Mann
‘Don’t you know the time has come for leavin’?’ Folk Guitar. Dylenesque verses with a solid beat.

#623 Jenna Frogtalker – Jeff Fardink
‘She’s an acolyte of the Toad’ Power Pop. Sometimes you can follow a little to closely to someone…. Good song, good hook.

#023 Miss Annabelle Tunnelsmell – Bobby Westfall
“When you put your glasses on, you stole my heart.” Guitar
Gentle ballad on a smitten singer.

#139 Mr. Genuine Hissfurther – “BucketHat” Bobby Matheson
‘That Awkward human kid was bound to break my moleman heart’ Guitar
The Mentor and the kid named Jefferson. Good story. Good song.

#471 Mr. Armskin – AudioMohel
‘The only Moleman living to escape the bonds of earth’ Blues Funky song on the flying moleman and the tribulations of his genetic heritage. Great solo.

#490 Mr. Nehemiah Bloodwormer – Caleb Hines
‘Mr. Nehemiah Bloodwormer – Tamer of the Mongolian Deathworm’ Olde English Minstrel Song. Upbeat ditty on Nehemiah, and his exploits with the BloodWorms and lunch. Liked the end twist.

#590 Mr. Harvey Rupert Elder – Aaron Z
‘His life would change forever… and at first he would not like it’.
Slow Guitar Ballad on the return of Harvey to his origins.

#604 Suction-Cupped Jonny – Alex Taylor
‘I wanna 3 way just like Pythagorus’ Guitar. Lusty Sea Tale about a Mole, an Octopus and the Deep Blue Sea.

#666 Tommy Dickfish – Bram Tant
‘He has a dick like a fish’ …. who’d have thought it? Guitar

Again, good job to everyone who participated. I’m impressed with the variety this Song Fu.

Tommy G

http://www.boffoyux.com

*****

If you’re still reading this massive missive, I’ll say one of my favorites that had me laughing was ‘Mokey’ by Josh Holober-Ward. You don’t need to know the history of the characters to follow the story, and I admire the crafting of the song to the ‘I wish I wrote that’ ending.

And please leave some thoughts and positive comments here and on the Song fu board for the artists. If they went to all that trouble to create these songs, it would be nice to give them a little feedback and encouragement.

I’m not gonna lie – I’m a sucker for a dude in some trainers, selvedge denim, and a fitted – so this post is dedicated to the Panty Dropper Du Jour, True’s 5 Panel Camp Cap, available now.

Dudes, please take note.

The Reluctant Waiter, Luigi’s Restaurant and Speculation Theater ‘What If Early Man Had Cable Television’

I remember we were going to attempt to do a stage version of the ”BU skit”, but many technical problems would have cropped up, (we needed a flaming arrow shooting thru a working window, a provost desk, and a full set of china for tea) which had us move on to the Reluctant Waiter skit.

Mark knocked it out of the park.

A few behind the scenes notes – I’m a lousy memorizer – in fact for half the skits, I found a prop or some other way to conceal the script in the scene. Here, it’s in the menu. I also somehow saved the plant I hit from falling down at the last second.

Next – Luigi’s – This was one of our radio bits, in fact the audio is straight from that skit. We shot the video in a bathroom in Needham MA, and edited it at Newhouse the day before the show, so the finished product was a surprise until right before airtime.  Mark was game to be the corpse, and we made a toe tag from a file label. A few scrubs and sheets grabbed from the local hospital, a can of cat food, a saw and a jack from the car later, and we had a passable autopsy room. The audience reaction was miked for this during the live show, and it really sold the bit.

And last – Speculation Theater. We did this one just so Andrew could have the punch line – we kept cracking up just hearing his voice say it. Look close and you’ll see we’re all actually wearing toilet bowl covers from K-Mart. Anything to sell the skit… that’s dedication. Enjoy.

Those Damn Little People – BYD & Friends 1989

Bill and Kat did this bit on the nobility of starving to death and filicide. Yes, upbeat, fun stuff! At least in their deft comedy hands.

But I digress, Here’s what fellow thespian and troubadour, Mark Haskins noted as his favorites when reviewing this fine video after 20 years…

“1) Bill covering the ears of the statue when he thinks there’s blasphemy about.

2) Bill’s delivery of the line “It’s all I’ve got, you know.” I don’t know why it always makes me laugh, but it does.

3) Kathy McKitty. She’s a friggin’ genius, and I wish we’d started working with her at some point before we were about to graduate.

I also love the bumper at the end of the sketch. What are Ernie and Bert saying to Bill in the hallways of Newhouse II? We are denied an answer, but I bet it was filthy…”

It was, Mark. It certainly was.

Enjoy.

Apparently, your pee is better than mine. Well done.

Hat tip: the Main Man

From examining the contents of this oven, I can only conclude...

I love Alfred Hitchcock. He reminds me of Tom Lehrer – an innocent gentleman, but when you listen to what he actually says, there’s a dark an twisted mind in there. But the style gets me everytime because it’s not what is said… it’s the realization of what must have happened because of what’s left out.

We must have created over 40 bits with Alfred sharing his version of tips on holidays and social gatherings. This one was the first, and one of my favorites.  I’ll have to put some Christmas tips up next month, but for now, sit back and listen to Al’s unique viewpoint. He does have a point.

Enjoy.

There’s a girl that lives in the same town as me. I see her from time to time. She’s not super pretty but she’s alright. She seems like a pretty nice girl, even though I’ve never spoken to her. I don’t hate nor like her, I’m kind of indifferent. I know her even though she doesn’t know it.

She had sex with my boyfriend.

I saw her do it.

Now I don’t know exactly when it happened. Or where it happened. How or Why either for that matter. but I know it did.

Someone that I was very much in love with decided they didn’t think they were very much in love with me anymore.  So we lived separate lives for a while until he decided he was dumb and I was awesome and he wanted to come back.

In our time apart I had decided that he was dumb and I was awesome and I wasn’t so sure I wanted him back, but I was willing to see what time would tell.

And then a kind of a “Don’t be stupid, girl…. RUN” sign fell from the sky. (Not really, but as sworn to secrecy I’ll say it “fell from the sky”)

A 15 second video clip of my boyfriend and some unidentified girl.

Well I simply cut him off. Like that, my love for someone had turned completely rock hard. I was disgusted. I was beyond disgusted.

I’ve mentioned in previous writing that I’m not scared to be a crazy bitch, I’m not scared to act a fool and set fire to someone’s clothes if they break my heart. BUT at this moment, I couldn’t do any of those things. I had no desire to cause a scene or draw attention to myself or him. I didn’t want anything to do with what I had just seen.

I had let myself pretty much forget about the incident, because I hadn’t told anyone what had happened, I was so embarrassed.

It’s funny how a little vodka and a little bitterness will make you remember things VERY quickly though.

I was standing at one end of my favorite local bar, waiting to either close my tab or get another drink I don’t recall which. It was close to closing time, the time where girls who dance on the bar are dancing on the bar and the girls that talk about those girls are doing so from below.

A very good friend of mine leaned over and said something about one of the girls so I looked up and caught eyes with her.

The girl from the video.

On my favorite bar top.

In my face.

Smiling and Laughing.

I almost lost it. Not because I hate her or anything, who cares about her. I just never thought I’d actually see her…and recognize her after time had passed.

I think I just got disgusted and left, I don’t really remember. But it seems like after that night I started to see her around everywhere.

Part of me wanted to knock her out and tell everyone what she’d done. However, I still didn’t want people to know and again it wasn’t really her fault…she didn’t know me as much as I don’t really know her.

It’s almost funny to me now to see her, I’ve even said “excuse me” to her a time or to on the way through a crowded bar…and I kinda laugh to myself about it.

I’m thankful EVERYDAY that I’m not her.
I’m so thankful that I’ve never been “that” girl.
She doesn’t know me….and I’ve seen her naked….and she has no idea.
Sad.

More fun from the BYD & Friends show.

First, a Pat update – Just got a text from him on the set of One Tree Hill – looks like he’s an extra in a scene today – fun stuff! Pat, drink one up with Daphne for us! She was great as the princess in Spaceballs..

Daphne and someone who isn't Pat on a set.

but I digress…

Peyote Man – I’m trying to remember how we came up with the superhero who communed with the elk spirit by communing with the Peyote spirit. We probably had some Necco wafers and thought it would be funny to do a skit around them as psilocybin. I also liked the Evil doctor’s name being very drab as ‘Sheldon’.

Jungle Combat has Mark at his smarmy yet boyish best, and  Bill, Tom, and Renee as ‘Betsy Sue’. Any NYC fans of WPIX will recognize the ‘pix, pix, pix’ shout out – the way kids shot for the TV-PIXX game. Enjoy.

The only time we did this skit in front of a live audience was during the BYD & Friends show in Syracuse – it was on Dr. Demento, and an audio tape, but for some reason never made it on any of the compilations or BENT! episodes. Pat still does a killer Elvis.

I think we did actually almost run out of ‘nanas for this segment. The King really likes his finger-shaped fruits. The fact he used a minor chord for ‘one ripe nana’ in his song showed how deep love for the food truly was.

Enjoy

You gotta love those old Sci-Fi movies. they used to have a great Saturday Afternoon series on Channel 3 in Syracuse when I was a kid. The kind where the sports guy plays Dracula, but you only see his hand, and ‘Igor’ is the weather guy with a basketball under his smock. Have someone hit a sheet of metal while turning the lighting on and off, and you have a scary host intro to your movie!

I liked Mark and Bill’s version of this parody – lots of intentional continuity errors, cheap effects, and hammy acting. It was used as one of the segments for the BYD and Friends show, with Stephanie, Tom and I believe Jeremy Bill’s brother John helping out in the acting. I know I couldn’t have kept a straight face when Steph went ‘Gasp!’. Enjoy.

Boffo Yux Dudes & Friends Pt. 2 – ‘Tommy G Used Cars’ and ‘Morris Weiderman Day’

I remember picking Mark Haskins up late one night and driving him somewhere -

I think it was NH to write a skit or go to the studio – and having a ball doing my impression of Pat doing a Tennessee and Chumley skit. Not because I knew the bit was funny, but because I had him in conniptions in the passenger seat, and I had to pause every few sentences so he could catch his breath.

Mark knows funny, and has a great laugh – and it felt good knowing if my lame impression of  Pat had this reaction, the finished version would probably send him into intensive care.

Mark wrote the 2nd skit in this video ‘ Morris Weiderman Day’.  I loved the way this one built up – you have no clue where it’s going, but you knew is was going to be a classic. I’d say it’s SNL material, but it didn’t have their ‘voice’ – SNL couldn’t pull this off. It’s more a Jackie Gleason style that’s been lost for a long time. And it totally came out of left field. It’s still one of my favorite bits, and I try and celebrate every April 11th. It’ll always be Morris Weiderman Day to me.

The first skit was detailed here in an earlier post with the my freakish Australian doppleganger Tommy G. Love his stuff too. Some day we’ll meet, and I hope that some geeky matter/antimatter thing doesn’t happen when we shake hands.

Enjoy.

Howdy Hookers!

In the interest of fun Friday Sex Talk, I thought we would talk about something a little sensitive, a little personal.  Let’s talk about the smallest penis you have ever seen!

Mine was (unfortunately for me) attached to my boyfriend at age 18.  He was a junior in college, pledged a frat, head of the student regent board, drove a Mustang and worked at the same gym as I did where he strutted his tight glutes and swollen biceps around in his trainer gear.  He really fancied himself a BMOC and I guess he was, but in the year we dated it was impossible for me to respect him as this cool, good looking, got-it-going-on man.  What can I say?  His dick was just too small and it was in stark contrast to the size of his ego.  Not to mention the fact that he was prone to shooting off at the speed of light.  Oh, and he had excessive pre-cum, so much that I had to really, really, really psych myself up to give him head – I was afraid of drowning on dry land, you see.  I also made the fatal mistake of faking an orgasm with him in the beginning (it was rush week!  I was drunk for 4 days!) which only furthered his delusions of being good in bed.

Second runner up would be the guy who was roommates with my friends, T & P.  All I need to say about him is that he will always be remembered as the 2 Pump Chump.

But, neither of these guys were quite as microscopic as this dude.  Have any of you encountered a penis this small?  Were they always Quick Draw McGraw’s?  Discuss.

*UPDATE: I realize the Dailymotion site will force you to create an account to view the video, so if you don’t have one and don’t want to create one, you can sign in with this:  ButtercupPunch / reader