Tags » Dumb Criminals

A Western Pennsylvanian Convenience Store Clerk Fended Off The Worst Robber Ever With Bug Spray

Oh, this one’s got “meth” written all over it. In Berlin, Pennsylvania, a small town located about 75 miles southeast of Pittsburgh, a would-be robber got fended off on Sunday night with . 228 more words

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Meet The Michigan Sex Offender Who Masturbated Twice In The Drive-Thru During A Single Trip To McDonald's

Michael D. Peterson of Bay City, Michigan was sentenced to two years probation this week after an impressively disgusting display at his local McDonald’s.

Peterson, already a registered sex offender thanks to a 2003 incident, was going for a McDouble (hilariously not a euphemism) when… 169 more words

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The Vatican was heavily criticized earlier this week by conservatives in the church after it seemed to be getting close to embracing homosexuality. Now the Vatican has issued a statement clarifying its relationship with gays. 279 more words

Drunken Zombie Santa Arrested In Minnesota

Police have cited a 21-year-old man who they say entered a St. Paul home while drunk and dressed as a Santa Claus zombie.

St. Paul police said Monday the University of St. 153 more words


This Quick-Thinking Suspect Jumped Into The Chicago Marathon To Evade Police

Bryan Duffy, a 29-year-old real estate agent, was spotted suspiciously “digging around flower pots” along the route of Sunday’s Chicago Marathon, so police approached him. Even though Duffy was carrying an Altoids box filled with MDA capsules and $531, it still would have been in his best interest to politely answer a few questions and then go on his merry way — because since when is being weird around flower pots a crime? 176 more words

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Best Plea For Parole Ever

A 39-year-old guy from Cleveland, Ohio has been in prison for 20 years for felony assault. And now he’s asking for parole . . . because, quote, “I would truly like to witness in person LeBron James’s pursuit of an NBA championship for my beloved hometown.” His parole hearing is scheduled for later this month. 59 more words