Let me give you a brief listing of things my uncle has said… rather, things my uncle has let spew forth from his gaping maw, attached to his tiny, tiny brain:

- “That’s not even intermittently true.”  Seriously? So, sometimes it’s true, and sometimes it’s not?  Next thing you know, he’ll be telling me his car’s intermittent windshield wipers are accompanied by high-tech intermittent brakes.  If only.

- “Well, I pulled up diangally at the intersection right before we got hit.”  Hm. Nice to know he understands basic third-grade math-related vocabulary.

- “Have you gotten a urinal to put his ashes in yet?”  I wish I was lying about this one, but I’m definitely not.  It brings new meaning to the term “pissing on someone’s grave.”

I should feel guilty speaking about my mother’s sister’s husband this way, but I don’t.  After all, this is the man who referred to the house I grew up in as “tight” when we congregated there as my parents hosted Christmas one year and told my cousin he was lazy for taking a music appreciation course. 

WHICH IS ONE MORE COURSE THAN SAID UNCLE TOOK IN COLLEGE. EVER.

Yesterday was weird, everywhere I went there was always a long discussion about whatever topic, and I felt like I was talking to morons. Because whenever I had anything to say, I had to dumb it down so they would understand. I couldn’t say things that they wouldn’t be able to accept, and their responses were so expected. So… default. It was like listening to a tape, a prerecorded program, like I was just hitting buttons on a vending machine, and I wasn’t getting my money’s worth.

I’d like to be dumb, or at least delusional, like everyone else who takes this illusion for reality. I’d like to be dumb, or at least be understood by the morons I seem to be surrounded by. I’d like to be dumb, or at least blind enough to follow a religion full of holes, an old denim worn for thousands of years, faded and torn, holes patched, but still holes nevertheless. I’d like to be dumb, or at least naive enough to accept beliefs that go against what I know to be true. I’d like to be dumb, or at least a little more like you.

To start of this blog, I just wanted to show you how careless and poor work quality there is in this school. Are this the type of people you want to hire for your company?

Editing Fail

Where’s the proofreading in this? Don’t the editors at least read the whole newspaper before having it printed? Are they that lazy and stupid? If this was a newspaper circulating in the city; how many millions would of copies would be recalled and how many millions would the company have lost? To those Philippine newspapers I hope you see this. Make sure you don’t higher any of these guys. Its startling how they did not even see that the Micro Hydro Solar article is exactly the same as the Telemed. Even the Oilgae is wrong, its actually about the Micro Hydro Solar article. This is just plain rubbish!

dumm.ary  -(pl. -ries) n. A dumbed down summary of something: The express is a dumbarized version of the Washington Post.

• Cheryl Merkowski loves Keotis.
• Christ, you’re dumb!
• Cheryl Merkowski sells her dead Grandma.

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Beauty pageants. What comes to mind?

• Stupid girls with nothing but looks?
• Intelligent, beautiful women?
• Grace and perfection?
• A popularity contest?
• Miss Congeniality?
• World peace?
• A guy? WTF a guy??!

So anyway, I was ‘inspired’ to write this post as I stumbled onto something on youtube. But before I present it to you, I would like to take a moment and share with you a few of videos that has been on youtube for a while now. But you know, it’s just to get into the pageant kind of mood.

Happy Viewing!!

WARNING
This following video (singular) is quite loud, you may want to turn your speakers down.

This is good, I mean real good. Look at the way she fell. It was as if it was choreographed! AND, let’s say, you looked away for a second and did not see the drop, you wouldn’t of even known. She even gives us a wink

Well,… she’s pretty!!

Yeah… and she won the whole thing too!!

So anyway guys now that we got into the mood… hopefully, I would like to present to you the video that inspired this post. So, above, I listed the expectations some of us may have when we watch a beauty contest. And the last point (the guy one) may have been a bit wierd to comprehend. However, a GAY beauty pageant held in Brasil (or she he was from Brasil) went very well for this delegate. However, things took an awful turn in her his (dammit!!) interview. Take a look.

So sad when that happens! Even though maybe the angry delegate planned only to sabotage and steal the crown, her hair came off too! Duh! But I guess he or she (I’m so confused as to what to call them) now knows to grow their own hair so something like that won’t happen again!!

Bad hair day??
My attempt of humour!! HAHA!

It’s official. The Obama administration will not be influenced one iota  by the recent brouhaha caused by the hacked emails of some of the world’s top climate scientists; emails that strongly suggest a conspiracy among said scientists, exaggeration of their data, possibly illegal destruction of inconvenient data,  resistance to disclosure, data manipulation, and private admissions of flaws in their public claims, among other things.

Obama’s Socialist Climate Czar, Carol Browner is not impressed and says the science is settled, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, deniers:

Ms. Browner said the only people who still doubt global warming is happening and that humans are to blame are “a very small group of people who continue to say this isn’t a real problem, that we don’t need to do anything.”

She also said the e-mails are only trickling out, and that the entire set hasn’t been released.

Ms. Browner initially shrugged when asked about the e-mails, saying she didn’t have a reaction. But when a reporter followed up, she said she will stick with the consensus of the 2,500 climate scientists on the International Panel on Climate Change who concluded global warming is happening and is most likely being pushed by human actions.

What about the 30,000 scientists who don’t agree with that consensus? Oh yeah…they’re deniers so they don’t count. The science is settled. The 2,500 said so. See how that works? Peer review means, *only peers who agree with us* when an ambitious  socialist agenda is on the line.

The good news?

“Cap and Trade Is Dead”

…at least according to Oklahoma Sen. Jim Inhofe who yesterday said:

“Ninety-five percent of the nails were in the coffin prior to this week. Now they are all in.”

If any politician might be qualified to offer last rites, it would be Mr. Inhofe. The top Republican on the Environment and Public Works Committee has spent the past decade in the thick of Washington’s climate fight. He’s seen the back of three cap-and-trade bills, rode herd on an overweening Environmental Protection Agency, and steadfastly insisted that global researchers were “cooking” the science behind man-made global warming.

Bad news:

I hope to God Inhofe is right about this, but one has to keep in mind that cap and trade is a policy very near and dear to Obama’s heart:

Obama began last year promising the editors of the San Francisco Chronicle that he’d bankrupt one sector of the economy:

Let me sort of describe my overall policy.

What I’ve said is that we would put a cap and trade system in place that is as aggressive, if not more aggressive, than anybody else’s out there.

I was the first to call for a 100% auction on the cap and trade system, which means that every unit of carbon or greenhouse gases emitted would be charged to the polluter. That will create a market in which whatever technologies are out there that are being presented, whatever power plants that are being built, that they would have to meet the rigors of that market and the ratcheted down caps that are being placed, imposed every year.

So if somebody wants to build a coal-powered plant, they can; it’s just that it will bankrupt them because they’re going to be charged a huge sum for all that greenhouse gas that’s being emitted.

William Teach argues that cap and trade is not dead – not by a long shot.

More bad news:

Obama’s trip to Copenhaen is back on, and

Copenhagen conference will produce an agreement that leads to a treaty that Obama will sign

…Obama has changed his mind again and Copenhagen is back on. He traveled to China last week and apparently has a deal with them that include serious commitments to reduce carbon emissions. And a top UN official has predicted success in Copenhagen, with a formal treaty to follow within six months.  So it seems we have a slight delay but the treaty is still on the table.

On a side note, the new European Union President Herman van Rompuy said last week, “The climate conference in Copenhagen is another step toward the global management of our planet.”  This statement only mirrors what Lord Monckton stated in his warning for America two months ago. But is anybody even listening?

Good news: Thanks to the CRU hacked emails, Americans are waking up to the fact that global warming alarmism is a scam.

Bad news: The socialists driving it don’t care.

Good news?

Johah Goldberg is suggesting a new strategy for Republicans running for office in 2010: Promise to repeal the disastrous bill. He speaks specifically of ObamaCare in this instance, but it should apply to all the Dems’ ruinous policies:

Republicans should promise to repeal “Obamacare” if they get a congressional majority in 2010. As National Review’s Ramesh Ponnuru argues, that way moderate Democrats won’t be able to run away from their votes come 2010. They’ll be on notice that this will be the campaign issue of the election. And moderate Republicans will be on notice to resist the temptation to tinker with Obamacare rather than defenestrate it once it’s passed.

Sure, I’d rather see this health-care proposal die stillborn (and that’s still quite possible). But if it passes, the upside is that Americans will finally be given a stark philosophical choice on a fundamental issue. That’s much rarer than you might think (recall that the Iraq War and the bailouts were bipartisan affairs).

Obamacare is a vast, deeply polarizing demonstration project for progressive ideas. It is terrible policy, but because I think it’s terrible policy, it may well result in a beneficial backlash. “Example is the school of mankind,” proclaimed Edmund Burke, “and they will learn at no other.”

Democrats insist they’re pushing for health-care reform against a political headwind because “history” compels them to. Republicans are standing athwart “history” yelling, “Stop!”

Politically, one side will be proved right, and the side proved wrong will pay a staggering price. Everyone’s all in.

No more reaching across the aisle….stand firm, and hold the line, Republicans. America’s survival depends on you

UPDATE:

Good news?

RS McCain thinks that Cap and Trade is a goner.

This is kind of obvious, isn’t it? Once the fraudulent “science” behind the global warming scare was exposed, Al Gore became the Piltdown Man of American politics and that whole Kyoto-style agenda was as obsolete as the mullet and parachute pants.

Bad news…

I wish I could be that optimistic.

But  we are dealing with really determined people. Look what happened to ACORN’s federal funding ban.

Good news?

Andrew Breitbart (via Twitter) thinks Global warming is down and has other targets in mind:

GlobalWarming down. ACORN down-ish. Lets take on SEIU, political correctness (cultural Marxism) & totalitarianism in Hollywood next. Game?

Game.

We had our dumbfuck graduation tonight. It was sooooooooo gay and the only thing good about it was that I got third to the dux.

Got me an adorable Sackboy with the purchase of a PSP carry case that featured his likeness. Decided to take him around with me and get some shots with him doing random things!

There are millions of ways to die.  Some of them more dignified than others.  Recently, a 28-year-old Russian man made a sizable bet that he could pleasure two women for 12 straight hours.  And wouldn’t you know it, he did it.  Then he fell over dead.  The toxicology reports showed that the man died of an overdose of Viagra after downing a whole bottle before getting started. 

I don’t remember that being listed as a side effect.  He isn’t the only one in history to bite the bullet in an embarrassing and stupid way.  There are all sorts of urban legends and myths out there, so I tried to only include stories that have been confirmed with at least one credible source.  Yes, they’re all true.

Last call

In 1992, a North Carolina man decided that the best way to keep his house safe was keeping his Smith & Wesson .38 on his bedside table.  It seems effective.  If anyone walks in your house at night that you didn’t invite, there is a pretty good deterrent right there.  And right next to your phone. 

Why not just combine them?

One night, awakened by the ringing of his phone, the man reached for and answered the business end of his home defense system.

There’s always a reason to party

When Hurricane Camille hit the east coast in 1969, most of the affected area was evacuated.  There were about 20 people who instead decided to have a “hurricane party.”  I guess natural disasters call for the bubbly.  The partygoers insisted they would be safe due to the concrete construction of the building they were in. 

"Hey guys, do you hear something?"

Somewhere along the line, probably just as the strip poker game was getting started, a 30 foot wave hit the side of the building and it collapsed.  All but 3 of the attendees were killed.

If you fail once, get a bigger hammer

In Brazil a few years ago, a man came across several discarded rocket propelled grenades.  Figuring he could sell them for scrap metal, he grabbed them up and took them to the repair shop he worked at.  Trying to figure out a way to dismantle the grenades, his first genius idea was to run one over several times with his car.  Surprisingly, nothing happened.  Then, in a clear-cut Looney Tunes moment, he decided a sledgehammer would do the job.  He was right this time. 

Not good for delicate situations

The resulting explosion killed him, along with severely damaging six cars and the repair shop with very low hiring standards.

That rattle is driving me CRAZY!!!

A Michigan man heard a rattle somewhere in the undercarriage of his flatbed truck in 1995.  Unable to figure out where it was coming from, he decided there was only one way to find out. 

"Nope, not there."

He got his friend, who was apparently as illogical as he was, and told him to drive down the highway while the man hung underneath the truck.  Since he didn’t have the charm or intelligence of Indiana Jones, he got caught in the driveshaft and decapitated.

Man vs. Lion, man loses

An Australian karate student was amazed when told that, at this point in his training, he was now able to “kill any wild animal with his bare hands.”  Taking his newfound dominance to heart, he decided to put it to the ultimate test.  He broke into the city zoo and climbed into the lion enclosure to kick it around with the king of the jungle.

He had the upper hand for about 0.08 seconds

While he may have been able to hang with one lion for a very short time, he found that the entire pride in the habitat took offense to his presence.  The next morning, some zoo keepers found an arm and two hands, and nothing else.

Is there any better irony than this?

In 1997, a man and his friends sneaked into Mammoth Mountain ski resort in California.  He tore off the foam barrier around one of the ski lift posts.  The barrier is meant to protect skiers in the event of a collision with the post.  He dragged it up the hill with the idea of using it as a sled.  It worked wonderfully. 

Other ways ski lifts can injure you

The makeshift sled gained speed and the man was enjoying every second of it.  That is, until he was killed when he collided with a lift post… the same lift post he took the padding off.

That was dumb.  Let’s try it again.

A 38-year-old Toronto man was showing some students around his office in 1996 when one of them asked if he was ever afraid because of his floor to ceiling window on the 29th floor.  The man said there was nothing to fear because it was unbreakable.  Now, a little background.  This man was a lawyer, graduated top of his class from law school, and passed the law exam in the top 1%.  He was smart, at least with the books.

All that money for law school and this is how it's going to end

After proving that there was nothing to be worried about by jumping into the glass and it staying intact, he must have figured that his argument wouldn’t hold up in court.  He gave a second effort.  In his defense, the glass didn’t break, it just popped out of its casing and took him with it.  So he was half right, but all dead.

Patience is a virtue

I love my lava lamp.  It’s one of my favorites in home decor.  The only thing I don’t like about it is that it takes forever to start looking like a lava lamp after it’s turned on.  That little 40 watt bulb takes a while to heat up the wax and start the neverending but fascinating visual awesomeness.  Well, a 24 year old man from Kent, Washington decided he didn’t want to wait for the uncooperative wax, he wanted it NOW.  He needed something more powerful, so he turned the stove on high and waited for lava lamp turbo edition.

I could stare at this for hours. Even when I'm sober.

The wax melted faster, but then the expanding mass in the lamp had nowhere to go.  The lamp exploded, sending several shards of glass through his heart, killing him quickly.

There are so many more like these.  Some of them seemed to good to be true, which is probably why I couldn’t find anything confirming they actually happened.  So the moral of the story is don’t be stupid.  The last thing you want is your death being made fun of by an extremely handsome amateur blogger with a rapier wit.

‘GMA’ cancels Adam Lambert after racy performance on AMAs – CNN.com

Wah wah wah… Adam Lambert simulates gay oral sex during the worst performance in live television history and Good Morning America cancels his appearance later that week? What a bunch of sallies GMA’s producers are. Let the kid have some fun.

If you’re going to cancel him (which, by the way, I’m glad they did), it should be for the fact that his talentless orange screeching is more terrifying than it is entertaining. Woof.

Through the years, I have learnt that there are two groups of people, the daft and the clever ones. But then, how do we define them? And who are we to judge?

My best friend K has always been perceived as the dumb one. He would say the silliest thing and come up with the most ridiculous ideas. Some golden classic includes “Is Sherwood Forest where Snow White and her merry men reside?” And “Has profiterole got something to do with profit?”. People loved him as he’s the airhead joker.

However, for those who know him well, he’s in fact the sneaky one. Looking at his circle of close friends and people he’s dated, they are all extremely well educated and generally very clever. From bankers to writers, artists to scientists, he captured them all. What people don’t see is his dedication to enrich his life with knowledge.

I lived with him briefly, and his daily routine would be going through BBC and all major publications in the morning then proceed to reading Vogue and Heat magazine. He would then go online to do research on some random topic that he felt like at that time. The result was he could hold down some very specific conversation with all walks of people. I was particularly amazed once when he was having a full on debate with a journalist over the topic of history of politics.

I once asked him why act like Carrie Prejean in front of people when behind close door he’s a Richard Dawkin. He’s reply was intelligence intimidates 70 percent of the idiots in the society and he’s not clever enough to compete with the top 20 percent of the geniuses, therefore in order to be popular, he has to dumb down.

I can’t help but think, how am I to define the difference between Jade Goody and Jane Austin? I believe it lies on the willingness to make yourself a better person through learning and living.

Stay tuned

Cereal gal

Fuck the dumb shit.

Ok, so I’m not an IT professional.  But sometimes, lately ALL the time, I totally feel like Nick Burns.  I get the lamest questions thrown at me, usually by people with “seniority”. 

Does it take THAT much effort to click the little blue circle surrounding a question mark that is present in ALL your MS Office applications?

Yes, apparently it is.  I’ve even gone so far as to tell someone “Well, I just Googled it,” when they thank me.  It escapes them that I’ve basically  just told them to do the same thing.

And why, WHYYYYYYYYY do people do things that they think are super helpful without telling me first?  Those things usually tend to be the exact opposite: completely inane, utterly useless, and making my job even more tedious.

Even non-IT questions are starting to get to me.  I want to scream, “We have a process in place.  It is documented.  REFER TO THE TEXT.”  Well, since RFTM wouldn’t quite work here.

Chumps.

Also: when I descend the staircase here, my knee sounds EXACTLY like someone is ripping open some velcro.  I mean EXACTLY.  Sometimes the people sitting downstairs look up at me like “WTF?”

As I ASCEND the same stairs, my knee sounds like a little kid snapping.

I would not lie to you.

According to my doctor, the cartilage under my knee is worn down and my thigh muscles are uneven.  Or something.

CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!

Like we’ve been saying…

The five men facing trial in the Sept. 11 attacks will plead not guilty so that they can air their criticisms of U.S. foreign policy, the lawyer for one of the defendants said Sunday.

Scott Fenstermaker, the lawyer for accused terrorist Ali Abd al-Aziz Ali, said the men would not deny their role in the 2001 attacks but “would explain what happened and why they did it.”

The U.S. Justice Department announced earlier this month that Ali and four other men accused of murdering nearly 3,000 people in the deadliest terrorist attack in the U.S. will face a civilian federal trial just blocks from the site of the destroyed World Trade Center.

Ali, also known as Ammar al-Baluchi, is a nephew of professed 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.
Mohammed, Ali and the others will explain “their assessment of American foreign policy,” Fenstermaker said. “Their assessment is negative,” he said.

Has the White House really thought this through? Isn’t there a danger that the terrorists’ “assessment of American foreign policy” will correspond with what liberal Dems, most notably Obama,  said during the Bush years? That’s one way of looking at it.

MORE:

Michelle Malkin: Gitmo detainees will use trials as “platform” to bash America

RELATED:

Pelosi Won’t Answer If Osama Needs to be Read His Rights At “Arrest” (Video)

UPDATE:

Jake Tapper is reporting that the five detainees intend to plead “not guilty” in US court.

Because the idiocy involved in this is beyond epic, I figure we’ll just have a little fun here and play a guessing game.  The game is this:

GUESS WHICH MEMBER OF AMPUTEE_MILFS THIS IS:

Your hints are:

1. Her first name is Deven (which anyone who’s browsed her Flickr or Facebook could tell you)
2. She was smart enough to LEAVE amputee_milfs and the GOMS communities (well, except for that sock in goms_sux, but I’m not picky) and so, had me completely off her back, quits, done, kaput.
3. She was then stupid enough (and the word “stupid” really falls short here, it needs some serious modifiers) to not only return to amputee_milfs (which, you might imagine, I frown upon) but also made the above pictures available at the same time.  Really?  That’s even worse than what iiinterstate did.
4. Last hint: Those are about to become insanely famous boobies.  Ok, that’s not a hint.  That’s kind of just a promise.  Because, believe me, Deven, if you think someone being a milf bugs me… well, that’s nothing compared to how much leaving and then returning bugs me.  Especially when said returning milf is the artist behind this.

“catastrophically” stupid, maybe…?

ETA: So, wicked _queen rejoined milfs and GOMS.  I made this post to my blog here, then posted this comment on her journal:

Just after posting it, I went out for a smoke break.  By the time I got back, wicked_queen was no longer in milfs or GOMS.  Epically fast flounce (and didn’t even have to waste a sock puppet).  That was ALMOST as satisfying as discovering that my LAST trolling got rawr_its_roonie to flounce.  The GOMS communities, without rawr_its_roonie?  If THAT doesn’t change the face of things, I don’t know what does.  That’s a MASSIVE win right there.

Oh, and aujsayshi also flounced.  Whatever.