To be honest with you, marriage used to freak me out a bit… maybe because of witnessing my parents’ dysfunctional marriage.. or the fact that I truly perceive marriage as a forever commitment and the most influential woman in my life, my mother, has been married 3 times in her life… or perhaps because it seems amazing to me that two people can choose to live their whole entire lives together and keep growing and learning and loving and fighting and living and being…together… it’s just such a beautifully massive commitment…or maybe i was brainwashed by the media…the American perception of marriage is so f*cked…more often than not it seems the wedding is more important than the marriage… a plastic couple on top of a cake, and a dress, and check the box for steak or fish…and all too often the cinema (a massive force in our perception) views the bond as imprisonment, stale and passionless… and i LIVE for passion… but truly i believe that this sacred union can live and flourish in passion and love… partly because i’m an extreme romantic and partly because i’ve seen it in real life! -with my aunt and uncle, who are a true example of a sacred marriage… the way they love and work and flirt and make time and support and honor and grow with each other is beautiful! Now because i’m in a serious relationship and i’m of a certain age… people start asking “when are YOU getting married???” Marriage is a beautiful union but I’m enjoying where I am right now… I know girlfriends that are feeling that pressure of making that commitment or feel that they should be married or engaged or in a serious relationship, but truly everyone has their own path and there is beauty and fun and lessons in each situation-married, engaged, single, in a relationship.. wherever you’re at… oh and i’ve found that the best answer for couples that keep getting that probing ? of when they’re getting married is “I’m just enjoying being in love.” Don’t let anyone influence your path or what you know is right for you. I digress… In the current book I’m reading Aphrodite’s Daughters I love the way Bonheim explores the sacred marriage… “As a form of spiritual practice, relationship practice engages and transforms the ego more radically than any other discipline.” I find it interesting that she claims marriage is becoming even more a spiritual union than before, “our marriages are less simple and secure than those of our mothers and grandmothers. What people like us are trying to do has never been done. Certainly our parents were not trying to achieve that level of honesty and consciousness and intimacy. We are pioneers. I feel guided by a force greater than ourselves, as if the planet were asking for this. We are evolving toward greater realization….Today, spiritual evolution is no longer the privilege and intention of a tiny minority. Our species is poised to leap into a new level of consciousness, it is affecting us in a major way and even changing the function of our marriages.” Interesting…

And then she explores what it takes to keep this union together… “Before committing to marriage, we might ask ourselves no only whether we love and trust the person, but also questions such as ‘Do I see the god in him/her? Can I see beyond his/her most infuriating personality traits to the sacred depths of his/her soul? Does he/she honor and evoke the goddess in me?‘ Even when our initial answer is yes, sustaining this vision over the years usually demands a tremendous amount of inner and outer transformation. Often married couples fail to realize how much attention and nurturance the sacred, transpersonal dimensions of a relationship require to stay alive. When a deep passion comes our way, it appears to have such a strong life of its own that we easily forget what a fragile, tender flower it actually is. Once planted in the soil of everyday life, it will wither and die unless we nurture it with constant and careful attention. The daily routines and the inevitable compromises and the resentments that build up can wear away that passionate spark. In a long-term marriage the trick is to keep that wild, undomesticated aspect alive.” I love the idea of marriage being an ADVENTURE!!!

The author also touches on the importance of sexuality in this sacred bond… “Like mediation and prayer, marriage is a time-honored path of transformation, a way of transcending our narrow, ego based identity and developing compassion. However, the difficulties of this path can be so great that even soul mates might eventually give up in despair, were it not for the aching sweetness of their sexual passion for each other. Sexuality is the glue that keeps the lovers together, the sweet carrot that keeps them going when things get rough. When passion endures over a lifetime, we can be assured that the relationship answers to a deep need of the soul.” Sexy and sacred. I love that!

wishing you many adventures in love…

photo by Megan Finley (www.meganfinley.com)

Sweet Home Alabama Movie Download

DOWNLOAD NOW Imdb rating: 5.8 (with 18856 votes) Year: 2002 Genres: Comedy, Drama, Romance

Sweet Home Alabama Storyline

Melanie Carmichael (Reese Witherspoon), an up and rising fashion designer in New York, has gotten almost everything she wished for since she was little. She has a great career and the JFK-like husband of New York City. But when he proposes to her, she doesn’t forget about her family back down South – and, more importantly, her husband back there, who refuses to divorce her ever since she sent divorce paper for almost 5 years. To settle matters straight, she decides to go to the south quick and make him sign the papers. But when things don’t turn out the way she planned them out, she realizes that what she had before in the south was far more perfect than the life she had in new york city.

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Actors

Witherspoon, Reese as Melanie Smooter/Carmichael, Lucas, Josh as Jake Perry, Dempsey, Patrick as Andrew Hennings, Bergen, Candice as Mayor Kate Hennings, Place, Mary Kay as Pearl Smooter, Ward, Fred as Earl Smooter, Smart, Jean as Stella Kay Perry, Embry, Ethan as Bobby Ray, Lynskey, Melanie as Lurlynn, Gains, Courtney as Sheriff Wade, Rajskub, Mary Lynn as Dorothea, Mitra, Rhona as Tabatha Wadmore-Smith, Graham, Nathan Lee as Frederick Montana, Bridgers, Sean as Eldon, Cooper, Fleet as Clinton

Sweet Home Alabama quotes

• Melanie Carmichael: Bobby Ray, it’s not like that.
  Bobby Ray: No, I’ll tell you what it’s not like. It’s not like Jake’s the only one you run out on.
• Melanie Carmichael: Well, you must be Jake’s hot date. I’m Melanie, Jake’s snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce.
• Melanie Carmichael: The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.
• Jake: You show up here, after seven years, without so much as a “Hey there, Jake, remember me… your wife!” Or a, “Hi honey, lookin’ good. How’s the family?”
  Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?
• Melanie Carmichael: And don’t even pretend like you missed me.
  Jake: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.

Sweet Home Alabama soundtrack

• “Gonna Make You Love Me” Written by ‘Ryan Adams (II)’ (qv) Performed by ‘Ryan Adams (II)’ (qv) Courtesy of Lost Highway Records Under license from Universal Music Enterprises
• “Mine All Mine” Written by ‘Kristyn Osborn’ (qv), Hollie Poole Performed by ‘SHeDAISY’ (qv) Courtesy of Lyric Street Records, Inc.
• “Shame, Shame, Shame” Written by ‘Jimmy Reed’ (qv) Performed by Cornbread
• “Falling Down” Written by ‘Avril Lavigne’ (qv), David Alspach, Lauren Christy, Graham Edwards Performed by ‘Avril Lavigne’ (qv) Courtesy of Arista Records, Inc. Under license from BMG Special Products, Inc.
• “To Think I Used to Love You” Written by Matthew Shafer, Michael Bradford (DJ Homicide Remix) Performed by ‘Uncle Kracker’ (qv) Courtesy of Lava Records LLC By Arrangement with Warner Special Products

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Hagamos una porno, Zack and Miri make a porno, Kevin Smith, 2008

¿De qué trata?: Zack (Seth Rogen)y Miri (Elizabeth Banks) son dos amigos que se conocieron en el instituto y a los que les cuesta afrontar la edad adulta pues, a sus veintimuchos años, se ven inmersos en deudas. Para hacer dinero rápido deciden montar una empresa para grabar porno amateur con sus amigos. Mientras rueden las películas, descubrirán que sentían algo más el uno hacia el otro que la platónica amistad que les había unido hasta ahora.

Debo decir que para mí Seth Rogen y Elizabeth Banks nunca se habían visto mejor interpretativamente; y esto en parte se debe a que Kevin Smith tal vez es cierto que no es un buen director técnico/visual pero lo que sí es y a nadie le queda el menor resquicio de duda, es que es un buen escritor, y que además con el tiempo ha mejorado en labores de montaje y como director de actores, a parte que siempre ha expresado un enorme fanatismo por el viejo y muy querido cine de diálogos. Smith es uno de los pocos que podría competirle a Tarantino en cuanto a quien hace más diálogos descarados. Smith nada más es más vulgar. Smith siempre hace el trabajo sucio. ¿Puede ser una comedia dulce y sucia a la vez? Todo indica que sí.

La solución de todo, hagamos una porno...

La disfruté mucho y sin verguenza. No he conocido a nadie mejor que Smith para que las conjugue de todas las formas posibles para darle un sentido a algo (de visión obligada en audio original) Además la historia tiene muchas situaciones y secuencias llenas de sinceridad. Pero también, como es normal en Smith, tiende a excederse en varias cosas. Incluso algunos ya estarán hartos de su amor por el Hockey o por la saga de “Star Wars” como ya es conocido.

Es curioso cómo una película puede ser tan contradictoria a la vez; la censura de Estados Unidos se ha encargado de perseguir la peli más inofensiva y azucarada de Kevin Smith. Porque bajo el tema del porno, los tacos, y algún que otro desnudo, se esconde el esquema típico y tópico de película romántica que hemos visto ya hasta la saciedad, de hecho el argumento es increiblemente previsible.

Vale la pena ver la película solo por algunos gags que son realmente de partirse la caja, algunos simplones y/o escatológicos pero no por eso menos efectivos. Lo de menos en la película es el argumento y la historia entre los protagonistas que no tiene ningún interés y está como metida con calzador. Lo que realmente vale la pena son las situaciones que se producen durante el rodaje de la porno, los actores friquis que escogen y el humor guarro en general.

Al grano: No por que en la silla de director diga Kevin Smith la película tiene que ser divertidísima. Sin embargo cumple a ratos a pesar de su esquema romántico y se le agradece ser mucho mejor que Jersey Girl. Pero la verdad sea dicha y no es el mismo Smith de los 90s. La salva el singular carisma de Elizabeth Banks a quien por fin se le disfruta increiblemente.

* * * / 5

I was sitting here this morning, reading a story about some kids back east that committed a sweep of petty crimes, all from broken and dysfunctional homes, and as I was thinking about all these delinquent kids, an ad popped up on my screen from Quest Personals, a phone chat line where men and women hook up or have phone sex. Some may not see the link, but for me, it was a bit of a funny moment, because its more linked to dysfunctional families than one might think.

Long gone are the days when most kids grow up in one home, with two parents who are married to each other, and stay that way their entire childhood. And for the ones that are, how functional are the marriages? What example are they setting ? And how does the Quest personals ad play into it?

Call me old-fashioned, but I really think that when you get married, your vows should actually mean something. But from the proliferation of cheating spouses placing ads all over the interent and on phone chat lines, one would think that marriage just means ” I belong to you when I’m actually with you, but I don’t when we are apart.”

Check out any internet dating site, any free ad website, the Georgia Straight, whatever, and you will find ads placed by men and women, that start….” married and looking  to……” . You take it from there. The reasons are a plenty. My wife doesnt want it anymore. My husband is too busy working.I have a fantasy I cant tell her/him. I want to cheat on the way to work/on the way home from work/on my lunch hour/coffee break- they even know how to work it in so they dont get caught with unexplained absences.  Or the one I really found hilarious: Straight married male seeks another male for oral .  My god, theres a whole section for married straight men looking for bareback gay encounters!   Whatever floats your boat, I say, but this ad alarms me for so many reasons -heres the two biggest  1)  Umm, hello!!!! You AREN”T STRAIGHT if you are looking for gay sex- at the very least you’re bi.  2) bareback means no condom. Not only is this man putting his health at risk, but also his wifes and childrens, if there are any. Stupid, very stupid.

Cheating in 2007 is also a very grey area. Sex is everywhere, temptation in your face at every corner. Most men dont consider masturbating while chatting on a “chat”line cheating, but most women do. You can download porn to your cell phone, go to any XXX shop and pay a couple bucks to sit in a booth and watch it, and hook up by placing an ad on any internet dating website. Hiring escorts and hookers is considered handling the sex drive by some,- ( a cheating husband claimed this excuse in one article I read) and not cheating because it doesnt involve emotion. However you look at it, cheating  seems to be the norm now, and a recent study shows both STD  and HIV infections are rising faster now with both  heterosexual men and women, than they have been for years. Its the free-love 70’s all over again.

Although I dont agree with it, if a couple mutually decides to have an open marriage, that’s their choice. But if one half of a couple is cheating, or has outside habits that interfere with their sex life and intimacy, the other one ALWAYS knows, and the marriage suffers. She/He might not have proof, but most arent stupid, and the signs are there. Excuses for not having sex. Avoiding affectionate displays etc. Sometimes the opposite occurs, and the offending partner suddenly starts being overly attentive, sending off alarm bells as well.  And the entire time this is going on, all this lovely dysfunctional relationship interaction, who’s watching and witness to the whole debacle?

The kids.

Aside from the harm it does to the marriage, what kind of an example is that parent setting for their  children? What lessons are they inadvertantly teaching? Lies, mistrust, betrayal, the one who loves you will hurt you, its ok to lie and cheat. Lack of trust. Kids arent dumb. Even the smallest ones can tell when somethings going on with the parents, even though they dont know what it is. Body language and voice tone speak volumes to a young child,and they do respond to household tension. Older kids and teens are even more vulnerable. A young male teen may unconciously start modelling his cheating fathers behavior, or start to resent him for his actions. A female teen my become promiscuious, or develop a mistrust of men overall.  The degradation of the parents marriage, and the time and effort involved in either repairing it , or  dissolving it, can lead to all sorts of issues with the kids. In my opinion, if you are going to cheat, and you know it, make a clean break, as easy as possible , before you do it, and save the family all the drama. The investment is wasted.

Why arent these couples talking to each other? Why isnt this worked out before marriage? If you cant talk to your spouse about your fantasies, your desires and fulfill them together, why are you married? If you arent attracted enough to your spouse, again,  why did you marry? I’m sure if more partners gave benefit of doubt to the other, and opened up, they would find that partner would like some changes as well, and would be more than receptive. Sex and intimacy is vital to a happy, healthy marriage.It’s very sad , really.

Look at the background of a delinquent youth and you will generally find a broken family. I’m not saying this is ALL due to cheating spouses- it’s clearly not. Addictions and poverty are also big contributors. But often it is a partner cheating that leads to the breakup of a marriage. The sanctity of marriage, and a good loving relationship between parents can send a wonderful example  to children, of so many valuable life lessons that go beyond marriage.

Children do not ask to be brought into a dysfunctional home, and from before the moment of birth both parents need to realise the seriousness of the commitment that lies ahead, or dont have one. Kids arent pets, they need the love and attention of a happy parent(s) to develop into emotionally healthy and self-reliant adults.  You need to ensure you give them the best you can provide, and if its not enough, then make changes. The best example to a child for their own life ahead is a functioning, loving marriage/relationship- it;s been oproven that most people model their adult relationships on how they viewed their parents marriage.

  It’s time everyone stepped back and took a look in the mirror, and accepted the responsibility and reality of their role as husband, wife, and parent, or  I fear we will have raised the biggest generation of dysfunctional adults ever. Or has it already happened?

I’m Laila Yuile, and this is how I see it.