K was the first person I got a  package from and it came with the awesome My Life is Great DVD. Then came Steeeeve with the awesome Halfway Round the World mix which actually helped me finish my tedious Journalism homework. Then came lovely Janet with the Super-Electric mix with my favorite Blondie song ever, “Dreaming” oh and some Heaven Bank Notes! And yesterday I got Mack’s package with Lemonheads, Gobstoppers,  Nerds, and Swedish Fish to munch on while I’m watching the Karate Kid or totally procrastinating on my homework and the book Journey to the End of the Night. Thank you all so much, I’m working on mixes to send to all of you!

Artwork for my CD compilation for Alex. Click to biggerize for CD cover size.

I’ll post this to you in a day or so.

Steve.

I have to go to the hospital for a few days — I can keep my phone with me which means I can read emails.

Please mail me, as I will be horribly bored.

doria1977@googlemail.com

Love you all.

xxxoo

I am using the excuse of being really sick to see if any of you would be kind enough/ interested in sending me a care package. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a package, just anything you would like to send me. I honestly just love getting things in the mail. Just send me an email to get my address, you can find my email under the users tab on the dashboard!

A post in which you tell me how you all are!

A-Rod and Madonna: just friends?

Europe: The new Ivy League.

Boy George is a FREAK.

Gwen Stefani is just like us! She changes diapers…in public.

Is Neve Campbell coming back?!

Tips for improving your self-control.

E-love is the way to go.

Danger: FACEBOOK VIRUS!!

This made us chuckle.

The economy is, er…um…Go to grad school!

Title: Just A Call
Rating/Warnings : G
Word Count: 401
Status: Incomplete

Author’s comments: Sigh, i don’t know what compelled me want to write this lar. >_< I really really dont know.

She laid down on her bed and stare into the ceiling that was decorated with those glow-in-the-dark stars that stood out brightly above her. She never noticed them ever since she grew out of them five years ago, and she was just too lazy to take them off. Thoughts of what happened when she was with him swam past her mind, yet she could not smile but could only cry. Why, why does God present me with the same problem again and again? That few months ago, it was another guy. Now, its him. And worse still, it is almost the same situation that had happened then. She sniffed and wipe off her tears, shaking her head repeatedly to chase away those feelings. Somehow, she could not bring herself to forget about them…

* * *

She could remember that day, where he shifted his seat to sit near her. She bit her lip, her heart skipped a beat or two and she could feel her face heating up as she felt the close proximity she was with him. It’s been a while since she felt like that, the feeling of wanting to freeze the moment and live in it forever. She continued reading her book, occasionally stealing glances at him and turning back immediately if she thought he noticed.

“Yes?”

Oh my god! He noticed. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I should not have made it that obvious. She smiled at him and shook her head. He went back to talk on his phone, and she turned and looked at him again, hoping that he would be more interested in her than the other person on the other end. Stupid me. That was probably someone much more important than me. I am just a lonely girl, someone not worth his time, a passer-by in his life. She looked at him and sighed. You don’t know how long, how I want you to embrace me in your loving arms.

* * *

She did not know how long time has passed; all she knows was that the clock was glowing 01:20 by the time she stopped thinking. Oh, the stars have lost their glow. Just like me.

She turned back and stared at the wallpaper of her phone, with stars glowing in the background. At least they have not lost theirs. Then, the display light faded. Actually, she just wanted him to call.

Title: Ame to Namida. (Rain and tears)
Completed on: 20th May, 2008
Rating/Warnings : G
Word Count: 515

A very short story about the pain of longing in the midst of leaving.

“All the memories you threw away, I choose to gather…”

~Anonymous

As she mouthed her last goodbye to him, she stood by the bus stop and watched him as he walked away slowly. Each step he took brought him further away from her — from her side, and from her life. His figure diminished and blended in the grayness of the surroundings, that was fogged with the rain and the desolation it accompanied.

Perhaps, that would be the last time she would see him — his broad shoulders, his muscular frame, his tousled hair and his eyes that seemed to bore through her soul as if he understood everything about her. Faintly, she could descry the wail of a stray dog in the roars of thunder and a desperate cry of a dove. Are you mocking me? She asked the surroundings, somewhat wishing for a reply.

Perhaps, the next time she see him, they might be just strangers, brushing across each other’s shoulders in the busy streets; and their hectic life. Perhaps, he would not be him anymore. Perhaps, he might be imperceptible, aberrant too. Perhaps, she would be forgotten. The thought of her non-existence in his life brought a dull ache in her heart. What if that really happens?

She shook her head of all this thoughts and glanced up, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, yearning for him to reappear in front of her and hold her gently, telling her he is there. It was then, she realized that her hair was drenched and her face was wet. When did that happened? She questioned herself. She turned around and saw, in the distance, a building structure similar the bus stop that she bid him farewell. Suddenly, it dawned on her that her legs had taken over her subconscious mind and carried her towards him. The longing she felt was intangible and it manifested into a dam that threatened to break, releasing the tears. Did I cry? She touched her face and felt wetness. Her vision was blurry. Was it the rain, or my tears? Not that she cared anymore. Nobody could see her crying in the rain anyways.

The rain washed away the tears on her face, and fell down onto the ground. Washed away, just like the memories he threw away behind him — the gifts, the cards, the flowers. The shu cream puffs especially, the ones she made for him. He gave them back to her whole. Untouched and uneaten. She brought the petals of the withered flower and the particular card he gave her that was written with his beautiful words and bring them close to her heart. Her breaths came in hitches and chokes, of despair, of despondency. Her eyes, half closed, was misted with her tears.

“Everything beautiful has to end. Heavenly to tragic.” The words that appeared on the book that laid on the study desk, perhaps, hold true for her now.

Title: Ai, zankoku no genjitsu. (Love, a cruel reality.)
Completed on: 21st April, 2008
Rating/Warnings : G
Word Count: 542

This is just a very short story that i wrote when i was feeling quite emo over this particular person. Well, the whole story depends on how you depict, read, understand it. I shall not say more.

Her heart still skips a beat whenever she sees him. Along the walkways, the corridors, in the café. Many times, she wanted to approach him, to ask about his day at school, even if it means having to bear the pain of his ignorance. The hollow spaces of his absence reverberated with chilling echoes that struck terror in her heart. She feared that someday might be the last day she would see him. With him around, she felt safe. She felt that she could overcome all odds. Without him, it seems like the world would collapse any moment. His presence and absence linked into an impossible whiplash of pain upon her body.

Actually, it would not matter to her if he did not talk to her all day long. All she wants is just a nod of acknowledgement, a word of assurance, a touch of comfort from him to her. Just to make her feel warm and cared for. Sadly, it could never be this case. Yes, he is aware of her feelings for him. She had told him. Yet, he would never accept her. To him, she is just a mere passer-by in his life, entering the phase so quickly and vanishing in the midst of his hassled life before he would be even aware of it. Yet to her, he could cause storms of rage within her, which would rise and fall to any words, any syllabus he uttered. Sometimes, it would subside to small gusts of choking despair; otherwise, ascend to heights of forlornness.

* * *

She trudged slowly up the stairs leading towards the lecture theatre. She actually looked forward to it, perhaps, because that was actually the only common lesson they shared. Then, she saw him. His bag was slung over his shoulder carelessly, while he was clutching the notes with his free hand. She hesitated, and waved, hoping to elicit a return from him. He raised his hand up and she almost smiled. Yet, her heart that has ascended in the reverie of hope soon plummeted into misery and despair as she turned her head around and realized that his eyes was fixed on a girl behind her. Someone he likes. Quietly, she walked away, entering the theatre with her eyes focused on the ground, refusing to let the willful tears fall down and expose her inner, vulnerable self.

As she took a place somewhat near him, she watched him move his head and his hand in the swiftness of his writing from her world of deep thought, and longed for just one glance, one turn of his head in her direction, to throw off the punishment of invisibility. Yet, all this while, his focus was fixed onto his notes and the screen and never her. She looked up and glanced to the right of her where he was sitting a few seats away, and let out a sigh. She was too tired to listen. She just merely let the dean’s voice washed over her trance. In the thin line between consciousness and unconsciousness, she saw his face hovering over her and smiled before letting her eyelids drooped, shutting them off from the iridescent bright light in the lecture theatre. Not that she cared anymore.

Artigo fictício publicado pela PUC-SP.

Por Pablo Lopes Queiroz.

O RELACIONAMENTO VIRTUAL OU “E-LOVE” (COMO FOI APELIDADO) É APENAS MAIS UMA FORMA DE SE CONHECER PESSOAS OU UMA COMPULSÃO QUE CADA VEZ MAIS AFASTA O SER HUMANO DO MUNDO REAL?

A falta de tempo para nossos amigos, nossa família e eventuais envolvimentos amorosos já não é mais o problema, a geração do século 21 tem tudo sob controle.

Muita gente já ouviu falar em MSN ou Messenger, salas de chat ou bate-papo (salas do portal UOL, por exemplo),  sites como Par Perfeito, Orkut, MySpace e atualmente, na lista de “provedores” de relacionamentos virtuais, a comunidade virtual Second Life e o novíssimo Facebook (similar ao Orkut, mas com recursos e funcionalidades mais atuais).

Muita gente utiliza a Internet e muitos desses mecanismos para se relacionar no campo emocional e afetivo, acreditando encontrar sua cara metade pela rede. “É um tanto complicado estabelecer vínculos emocionais profundos e verdadeiros através de uma máquina, sem nenhum contato físico e o tão famoso olho no olho!”, afirma a renomada psicoterapeuta nipo-africana Imei Yo, autora da tese de doutorado intitulada, “Blip-Blip: O ‘Fiu-Fiu’ do Século XXI” e especialista em casos de compulsivos por relacionamentos on-line.

“Posso ser quem eu sempre quis ser, tanto fisicamente, quanto emocionalmente!”, diz uma compulsiva anônima, usuária de sites de relacionamentos,  que revela se utilizar de fotos de outras mulheres, talvez por não se enquadrar no padrão de beleza atual, ou mesmo por pura insegurança.

O e-love é visto como a grande salvação por grande parte das pessoas extremamente tímidas e inseguras. “O problema é quando essa ‘salvação’ se torna o único meio de relacionamento dessas pessoas”, diz o atual presidente da ACROA (Associação dos Compulsivos por Relacionamentos On-line Anônimos), José Litto Arroba.

José Litto conta que encontrou e perdeu seu grande amor pela net: “Eu me fechei pro mundo! Não saía mais de casa, vivia o meu personagem, não me sentia tolhido por minha timidez e claro, era muito mais tranqüilo, pois ninguém implicava com a minha gagueira, nem com a descamação de pele…”. O ex-compulsivo chegou a namorar durante um ano e meio, via MSN, uma garota coreana sem nunca a ter visto pessoalmente. Terminaram, pois ele passava horas jogando futebol on-line com seus únicos amigos, os virtuais.

José Litto ainda se justifica: “Na correria do mundo atual, os relacionamentos on-line poupam tempo; com um perfil podemos saber se temos ou não afinidades com alguém e, antes de qualquer relação, já descartar ou não essa pessoa, sem uma possível dor de tomar um fora no futuro”.

A verdade é que a maioria dos relacionamentos amorosos pela Internet é baseada na aparência física da outra “metade da laranja”. E, claro, há um estigma de que pessoas que se utilizam desse meio para se relacionar não possuem muitos atrativos, muito menos o físico, e ao assumir uma personagem, a sensação é de controle total de suas fantasias (por mais bizarras que sejam).

Visto o caso de um colega de trabalho, sem nenhum atrativo, que paquerava e estudava o perfil de diversas mulheres ao mesmo tempo e fazia uma listagem de suas “caças”, com fotos, dados comparativos, cor de cabelo, se já haviam chegado às vias de fato, enfim… Seu fetiche compulsivo era conquistar (superficialmente) e catalogar o maior número de mulheres, e por mais moreno, sardento e magrinho que fosse, caso precisasse se adequar ao gosto de uma delas,  com um toque no photoshop, ficava mais branco, mais musculoso e deixava seus olhos da cor azul rubi. Sua personagem era vasta e compulsivamente camaleônica.

“Aqui, na ACROA, o uso de computadores é expressamente proibido. Fazemos sessões de terapia em grupo para aprendermos e nos acostumarmos a manter um contato mais real e físico com o outro”, diz um paciente da Associação.

“Levamos nossos pacientes para saídas terapêuticas, em bares, danceterias, shoppings e até em casa de shows mais, digamos, adultos, sem qualquer discriminação, e os incentivamos a se socializarem dentro do meio”, revela José Litto.

Existem todos os tipos de pessoas buscando relacionamentos pela Internet, sejam ricas, pobres, bonitas, feias, gordas, magras, gays ou heterossexuais, pessoas mentalmente equilibradas e até seriais killers, canibais alemães e fãs de Glen Close no filme “Atração Fatal”. Muitas dessas pessoas usam o meio de forma saudável, apenas como mais uma forma de se conhecer alguém, com um complemento à paquera nos barzinhos da moda, o olho no olho, o toque!

Na opinião da psicoterapeuta Imei Yo, a compulsão pelos sites de relacionamentos deve ser encarada como o vício comum a um usuário ou alcoólatra em recuperação: não há cura total ou definitiva, mas, sim, a constante manutenção e ajuda de grupos como o ACROA.

Ainda assim, podemos conhecer pessoas ao checarmos nossos e-mails, no meio do horário de trabalho, enquanto estudamos. A infinidade de situações reais e virtuais é enorme (com um laptop aumentam), talvez não muito diferente do que na vida real. A questão é saber dosar, o meio clássico não substituí o virtual e vice-versa, e o mais sábio seria não nos deixarmos alienar por ambos!

O “e-love” pode e deve ser tranqüilamente utilizado como mais um meio ou oportunidade para encontrarmos nossa cara metade, lembrando que ela é de carne e osso. Ou já nos transformamos em um emaranhado de fios, conduítes e placas de metal e eu ainda não fiquei sabendo? Tenho certeza de que ainda não!